Original subtitles

in our gun sights and then burn his butt to the ground.

Aah!

Aah!

Sheriff Jonathan Braille was mad.

We'd hit a bank in his town.

Harlan Pike.

B. Wolfson Lucas.

William Pike.

And Isaiah Eis McAdams.

Known collectively as the Pike gang.

Braille had once been partners in crime with the four of us, but now all vets were off.

The showdown was interrupted however by the Almighty who sent us all sailing into the 20th century.

And what a century it is.

But we weren't what you'd call ordinary men, so we dug in, tried to adapt and started a detection agency to put beams on the table.

And in the process ran head on into Deputy Maggie Randall.

Things may be different this century, but there's plenty of work to be done because one thing's bound to be true.

The bad ombres will always happen under the good.

The bad ombres will always be true.

The bad ombres will always be true.

Good boy, Bobby!

I've right on time, I knew I could count on you.

Thanks, just thanks.

Beautiful, just beautiful.

There's nothing like platinum.

The cowboys, sit down cowboys again.

Let's get out of here!

Come on, I ain't afraid of you suckers.

You ain't?

Well, it's gone right stupid, son.

There is.

Well, I mean, it's brave enough, but it's a stupid.

Looks like this low max fella left you in the lurch, kid.

You look out for number one. That's what he always told me. Look out for number one.

Well, the beer as he practices what he preaches. John is salooned over here. You might want to take a look.

And don't call me kid. My name is Mendoza. Bobby J. Mendoza.

All right, Mr. Bobby J. Mendoza.

Well, there you are, Henry, and you little darling.

Post-ill, I say I heard a bit. Easy?

I feel like I'm there.

See you. Nice I am to you.

Oh, you little girl, you.

Mm.

Bellipine, get your young tail out of there and give somebody else a crack at the soap and water.

There's a rifle on my soul.

Stop that counterwater in there and open this door. I'm gonna lose my temper and bring it down.

Well, you can always try, Mr. Lucas.

Okay, boy. Don't you go crying. I didn't give you fair warning.

Come on in, Wilson.

Ah!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

What an eternity is wrong with you.

I've come to broke that looking glass in there and got myself seven years bad luck.

Oh!

Good Lord, Bill.

What happened to your mom?

Well, he's arm along handles Mr. Lucas.

20th century style in color.

Coordinated briefs.

Briefs is right. You've got more skin showing an Awako fancy girl.

And just one more step forward into the modern world, Mr. Lucas.

Backwards, you mean, you young wise, Acre?

And put some drawers on!

Page three.

Front page story, if I ever saw one.

Still, I suppose we can't complain since I'm daring the exploits of being syndicated across the country.

Well, we keep this up. We won't have to advertise.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fundurating?

It's taking turns cooking into kitchens turning to a downright hellish experience.

It's the results that a hellish harlot.

Every time you get in a kitchen.

Mr. Peterson?

Yeah.

Ha ha ha. Well, uh, yes.

Well, well, yes.

Well, I want to thank you very much, Mr. Peterson.

I really appreciate it. And I'll pass your sentiments onto the boys.

Yeah, fine.

Well, that's our pleasure. I'll pass that.

I'll pass...

I'll pass that onto the boys too.

Fine. Fine.

Well, no, no, no. Like I said, it's up. Fine.

Ha ha ha. Goodbye to you too, sir.

Gee, host, I've had that Peterson feel I can talk.

My ears are bleeding.

What are they, Charlie? Look at my head from hanging onto that phone.

It's a claw.

Probably would like that permit.

Sure was simple, I mean, you could just talk to folks face to face.

Yeah, well, what I want to know about that Peterson fella is the one he's going to pass, what he owes us.

I mean, we did get that platinum medal of his, didn't we?

Yeah. He's cutting us a check today, huh? Because he's very pleased.

He never stopped telling me how pleased he was.

What's this sudden itch for coin, huh?

Well, I'm going to tell you to what. As soon as we get paid, I am going to hire us a genuine chef and to blazes

with this taken turns cooking in the kitchen.

You might have something there, huh?

You should see, I ain't so sure I can eat whatever that is that you're making this morning.

You can do it in your hand, just stab yourself with a fork, cookin'?

Yeah, Henrietta.

Oh, that's a nasty chicken.

And perhaps we should let that hen keep a few of those eggs while we still have eyes to see, but...

Who's comin'?

Oh!

Give it a rattle.

Looks a little down in the mouth.

Howdy, Maggie. Good morning.

Hi, John.

What's up, Maggie?

Hi.

Hi, Maggie.

What's up, Maggie? You look kind of droopy.

The chief mad at us again?

No. Well, not yet anyway.

It's Bobby Mendoza.

The kid you rounded up with the others.

Well, tough kid. He's got a lot of sand.

Harlan made that.

What about him, Maggie? What's happened?

Well, in the nutshell, it's got no parents, no relatives.

So the powers that Bea have decided to send him to the state juvenile correction facility.

Well, that's a real hard case.

Kinda place won't help him.

He'll only learn more ways to survive outside the law.

Hi, Maggie.

Maggie?

What's always talkin' about somebody being outside the law?

What's cookin'?

Is that kid Mendoza?

Boy, we put the arm on the other day.

God, Harlan, that smells as bad as it looks.

He looks awful.

Good, Harlan.

Well, how can we help this kid?

Who asked if he'd had ninerity with a blown your head off?

Because it reminds me and John of another young loco we knew once.

But the name of William Pike.

Bob and Mendoza came to America with his aunt five years ago from El Salvador.

His parents were killed in the street fight in there.

And here in the States, he somehow got separated from his aunt,

and so he grew up having to fight for everything.

And Loma actually picked him up, huh?

Found himself a loyal son.

He was a little bit of a fool.

I was a little bit of a fool.

I was a little bit of a fool.

I picked him up, huh?

Found himself a loyal soldier looking for a home.

That's right.

Now the prison system will put the finishing touches on him.

And after a few years, if he lives that long,

Bob and Mendoza will be a full-fledged criminal.

Well, unless, of course, someone with a great deal of understanding and courage

were to agree to have him placed him to their custody.

Well, now, Maggie Randall, you surely ambushed us, didn't you?

Come on out of there, son.

Did it tonight, John?

You can count on it, Maggie. You can count on it.

Okay, Mr. Mendoza. Welcome to Double Legal.

I'm Jonathan Grayle. These are my associates.

I know who you are, man. And I know all about your good guy game.

I ain't going to tell you nothing about Joe Lomax, no matter what you do to me.

Oh, don't you fret, son. We'll find Lomax without you betraying him.

You'll never catch him. He's too smart.

He'll always make you turkeys look like dopes.

Well, Mr. Dopes got some fancy fix.

Stow your gear inside there, son. Get yourself a bite, dude, before you start your chores.

And after your chores, Isaiah here is going to give you some tutoring.

Catch up on your schoolwork. Chores?

You mean work? Chores. You earn your keep here.

That's the almighty truth. Here, boy, let me help you with that bag.

I don't need no help. From nobody.

Just possible, John. We bit off more than we can comfortably chew.

Um...

You eat up, son.

I think I got a line on Mr. Lomax.

Jack Fireball, McGuire.

Fireball? Well, that's what they call him.

Anyway, he's a former associate of Mr. Lomax.

Recently, released from prison. He was sent up for armed robbery.

Payroll job. Armored car. Anyway, Lomax got away.

Well, now, here's your partner's got a habit of leaving his boys behind.

He did the right thing when he left me. The smart thing.

You were alone in this life and you had to look up for number one.

You know, that's about a dozen times you've said that, son. And I'm getting weird of it. That ain't true.

If we all let each other fend for ourselves, what kind of world would this be?

And where'd you been if we all had an agreed take you in anyway, huh?

Hey, I never asked any of you for help. I didn't ask for nothing, so I don't owe you nothing.

Well, where's this fireball fell to be found, guys?

I've talked to my lawyer. He's ready to meet.

Did you find anything on the kid?

Just now, just before you came in, I slipped into the city's juvenile records.

The most difficult department to hack into from an outside terminal.

It was. Beautiful entry. You should have been here.

I'm here now. What'd you get?

Would you believe the carboys again?

One way or another, they've been on our backs for the last six months.

Yes. Well, that is where Bobby Mendoza presently is at, residing with those same carboys.

Remanded into their custody.

What if he talks? He knows about this place and he knows about everything.

The kid would rather lose an arm or be gimp in both legs than squeal on me.

You and the others may be, but not me. Never.

No, Lane tree. This could be very, very good.

For you see, we now have a spy deep in the heart of Texas.

Oh, to sum up what we learned about Alaska, very close to Russia,

a few miles across the Bering straights, very rich in oil and other minerals, and...

What else, Bobby?

How should I know? You're the one playing teacher.

Correct. So maybe you should try playing student.

Look, the school's for nerds in those other jerks, man.

It won't get you a damn thing in the real world.

Wrong, Bobby. Learning gives you the weapons to fight back with, not with your fist,

not with a gun, but with your brain.

Yeah, well, Judd says you should only learn what you need to beat the suckers.

I am not interested in what Mr. Lomax has to say about anything.

Now. Okay, one swamp.

What else about Alaska makes this so special?

Snow. It's got lots of snow.

It is the largest state in the Union.

That is the correct answer.

What? What's that I heard, largest what in the Union?

State, Billy. The largest state.

Bigger than Texas? Ha! And Isaiah, who in thunder even told you that Alaska was even part of the Union?

Look at there, it ain't even attached.

Hey, there's Hawaii. Who? Who? What?

Man, you don't even listen to me!

Billy, it all happened not too long ago.

Alaska and the island of Hawaii.

And, and Ireland is a sovereign state of the Union now?

That's the absolute truth. It's a very long story, and it's all in here.

Well, I just learned about it not too long ago myself, but I'm boning up for this tutoring thing.

Man, I never thought I'd say this, but I think I prefer chores.

How is it? What do you want?

Pleasant sound and foul, isn't it? Nice voice.

Mr. Maguire? Jonathan Grayle here? Double Eagle Detection Agency? Damn.

You spooked him? What? You spooked him?

Just give me a hand and a quick jorn, we'll stop it. You ready?

That's nice, you know, Mr. Needed.

Will you put a stop on your wolf's knee, you ready?

Charles Open!

What in the hell's that thing he's aiming at us?

Ain't no garden, hoes.

Right! Red bird will say...

Good afternoon, partner. What's the rush?

Fire, baby boy!

Let's go.

What do you reckon that thing was, he was using?

That was the devil's own flame machine.

Lord, they got some killer weapons in the century.

I guess we know now why they call him... Fireball.

Yeah. You lost him. I left him in the dust.

What I looked this way out once, don't answer that question.

They didn't tell me, guys. Hey, Johnson OB.

They're gonna let ice cold be around here someplace.

If you want to look here, you'll have to buy it yourself.

Oh, I forgot. Health, the carrot juice for blood.

And don't call me Juts-o-bean, or you'll wish you hadn't.

Clear? Clear.

You'd better stay here until after the operation.

Where's that? A few days?

What next? Brazil, the land of plenty, and no extradition.

That's okay by me.

Those foul balls, how do they use the flame right now?

So this Jasper Maguire... What's his name? Fireball.

Fireball. Fireball. How could I forget? Well, he opens fire.

And I do mean opens fire. It was worse than when St. George sent an old dragon to the devil.

And there we are. Dancing. Right in the midst of brimstone and hellfire.

We was dancing, Isaiah, because the seat of our britches was barbecued.

Didn't tell me that, part Wilson.

Well, the reason I didn't tell you, because we wasn't dancing, I'm telling you that, oh boy, since it's two shades darker than you.

It's true. You exaggerating.

Well, you never mentioned it to me, either, John.

It'll tell you, Maggie, because this fellow Fireball left a deep impression on us. We was terrified.

That fire machine is... may be the most unforgettable thing we have yet seen.

Me and I, we're gonna have to stay home and you and the boys go out and have all the darn fun.

Fun. Fun. Fun.

I hope you never have to get close enough to find out what old Fireball's idea of fun is.

Maybe this lowmax case is just a bit more than you boys can handle.

It sounds to me like you got your mustache, Singe, John.

Oh, really, Maggie Randall?

Well, there's enough of the mustache left to do a little tickling, and don't you forget it.

Well, you can be certain our friend Fireball is now with John Lowmax.

Oh, for sure, man. Yeah, right now they're together and they're laughing too.

Only it's that you guys see, because they beat you. Again.

Well, Mr. Mendoza, you tell them half the truth.

You see, they just want a little skirmish. We aim to win the war.

No doubt about that. Absolutely.

I bet my gun hand on it.

Amen, Brother William. Second, the motion.

How do you know? I mean, how can you be so sure?

It's simple, Mr. Mendoza.

This fellow Lowmax of yours is clever and slippery, but he's never done anything in his life that gives somebody pain.

Now, I'm not saying we're all saints, but when you do things to hurt people, that's wrong.

When you do things to help people, that's right. See? Simple.

And that's why we'll beat him in the end.

Yeah? Well, Judd helped me. He took me in, man. Off the streets.

Well, didn't he?

Oh, yeah. He was kind enough to include you in Grand Theft manslaughter, and God knows what else.

Yeah, Judd Lowmax is a real friend.

He is. He knows what is happening. He knows what it takes to survive, man, and it ain't being no damn voice.

Let's go.

Help someone, and it's right.

Hurt someone, and it's wrong. Is that it?

Yes.

Yeah. Well, this thinking won't hurt me, man.

And I'm going to sweep back. I'm going to make it hurt. Just...

And he thought I was across the bear. Yeah, I know what you mean, William.

Boy, is it a dark cave without a light to guide him?

Well, he's got a lot of sand.

Try to take us on when he first met us. He'll be swinging at you. He'll make it.

Boy, he's got to fight more than to paint in his leg to do it.

Yeah.

Maggie, what about these lega heads? Can anything be done about it?

Yeah. There is a very expensive operation that the state does not have the money for.

Outlaws, we'll continue.

No, sir. No. No.

No, bye-bye. Bye-bye. You're going to try to get us.

Bye-bye. It's a bad dream, son.

It's just a bad dream, son.

I'm not your son. Just get away from me.

You know, after Bobby Lee turned in his sword at Appomattox.

What? Appomattox. What are you talking about?

I'm sorry. After this war, I was in. After that, um...

Well, I... I had me some bad nightmares.

You know, things coming back at you.

Old tumbled around.

There ain't no rhyme or reason to it.

Nightmares are no fun.

But sure, the sin, they ain't nothing to be ashamed of.

I was 11.

The Salvador.

We were coming back from Uncle Julio's birthday.

My mother, my father.

That's what it is. Something bad.

Sometimes when you don't expect it.

You know, when everything's cool, when you're laughing,

when it should start, now, I couldn't believe what was happening.

Seeing it, feeling it, seeing my mother, father, both...

my late... the blood.

And my stinking, useless slave.

You know, it's real bad, well, what happened to you?

It's about five years, it's way long enough to hang on to her,

a nightmare. I mean, the blood's flowed under the bridge.

You're American now.

I mean, you survived some awful things in your life,

but maybe it's time now to get down and begin to live life.

Some real nice things out there.

You just forget all this hate.

Well, Jud says to use the hate, to blazers with Jud Lomax,

and his hate.

Now, you listen to me, Mr. Mendoza, you hold on to hatred

and start feeling sorry for yourself, and that's all there is.

You're true. Believe me, I know.

Remember everything that's happened to you.

But use the experience you've gained.

Never use the hate.

You use the hate, you're finished, son.

You've finished before you've even started to begin.

Good night to you.

Hey.

Very difficult to establish a pattern with Mr. Lomax.

Very little repetition in his methods.

Now if you recall, I was there, there was very little repetition

in the way we operated.

The fact is, we made a point of not repeating ourselves.

Why we got away with it as long as we did.

Well, this little boy has done about all the perusing of this

barman's biography he's going to do.

We're going to get old sitting around here this way.

What do you suggest?

Well, I would suggest getting this barman in our gun sites

and then burning his butt to the ground.

We'd go along with that with him if you'd just point him out to us.

Well, I can't.

But I would say this.

Whenever our trail got hot, what did we do?

Well, that pretty much depended on how we was, uh,

what fix for cash?

Well, that makes sense, Billy. Go on.

Well, he needs cash.

And it'd just be my bet that he's going to move right quick.

And if he is anything like we were, it would not be a bank.

Well, he can't get out of town.

He's pictures plastered all over the place.

So what does that leave?

It sounded like a stage to me.

Hold that ring.

Keep your arms hosted, mister.

Don't you get that strong box down here, boys?

Nice and easy.

I can't remember ever firing a single shot when we held up a stage coach.

Stage coach?

A bunch of hicks.

Well, then, iron slab cars are just like stage coaches with thick walls, aren't they?

Exactly.

Which brings us to the reason that low mucks and fireballs are sure to connect.

Two years ago, they stopped a payroll truck.

The guards and the driver were very anxious to get out.

When fireball heated up all that metal with that flame machine of his.

Must have cooked him like a horny toad and a Dutch oven.

Look, I got this for Maggie.

Overland security is the only armored car service in the Houston area whose route still includes a very rural and therefore very vulnerable area.

Sounds like just a kind of hold up situation that low max and his boys especially like.

And if they're going to hit an armored car, it's got to be overland.

What do you mean, Isaiah?

We held up a stage there in 92.

There's nothing around this for miles. It's all open country.

That's a perfect place for low max's ambush.

That was in 92, Jonathan. Today.

There's a hospital on this side of road. There's a shopping mall on this side of road.

But now, here, on the other hand, there's a four mile area of open terrain.

You'd be very vulnerable right here.

When's the next payroll delivery?

Nine o'clock tomorrow morning.

You know what you and me are going to do, Wilson?

Well, have a little parlay with the boss of Oberland.

Find out if these schedules are up to date. Let's go.

I appreciate your concern, Mr. Graham.

I can't incur the cost of beefing up security just because you've got a hunch.

One of my cars is going to get hit.

It's more than a hunch, Mr. Frolic. It makes sense when you base it on...

On a lot of personal experience.

Right.

Oh, now, where I come from, that's still a hunch.

Well, the cost of a few extra gun hands can't compare to what you could lose.

Oh, it just calls me no end to paper or something that never gets used.

Oh. Now, if somebody's dumb enough to rob one of my cars and somehow brings it off...

Well...

That's what I got insurance for.

Yeah, I'll see you.

Well, I guess we convinced him.

Yeah, he was real impressed.

Get away! Get back!

Get in here!

Oh, boy, easy.

Don't you ever, ever raise your hand to a horse.

It must mean I hurt you.

Yeah? Well, how do I know when he's going to hurt me?

Well, if you're going to go around and fall down around the stock all the time, you shouldn't be here anyways.

Oh, Bobby, please.

Bobby!

Bobby!

What do you think you're doing, kid?

Hey!

Bobby!

There is this rock!

Ah!

Ah, sombra! Now you're really going to get it.

Jump that jump! He's going to strike!

Get away! Hold on!

Sneak by hold on!

Go away.

Come on, cut it!

You do it!

I got it, I got it, go over it.

So?

Oh, the dark, he says the next few hours will be the worst.

If he comes through them, he'll come around real fast. He's strong.

What about that there antidote? Don't that work?

Well, apparently, Wilson, it's a matter of time.

We just have to wait.

Well, I'm sorry. I've never seen a rattlesnake before.

You know, I was...

Save it.

As far as I'm concerned, you should have gotten away.

Real far away.

Oh, God, Harlan.

Will you give me a break, huh? Quick fussing?

Yeah, come on.

Real good to have you back, Billy. I think he's going to be all right.

It's all right.

It's all right.

It's all right.

It's all right.

It's all right.

It's all right.

It's all right.

It's all right.

It's all right.

What's the excitement about?

I just got snake bit as all.

You're the hero, little snake dude, didn't you?

A little scale you're surfing didn't know whether to spit or go blind.

Ha ha ha.

You all go talk to the kid.

Here's a little upset.

I'll do that, John.

I just wanted to bust him down.

Bobby.

How big's the truck?

Ten ton. It'll work fine.

Who is it?

It's me, Bobby.

Bobby.

What the hell did you get here?

Hitched.

You know what the court did to me, man?

They bought me out to those cowboys.

Yeah, I know.

I tapped into the files.

I wasn't worried, Bobby.

I knew you'd make your break as soon as you had time.

Took a little longer than I figured, but I got away clean.

How did they lean on you, Bobby?

Nothing.

They didn't do nothing.

Bobby, that's why you were there.

That's why it was a setup, and that's why they had you there.

What did you tell them?

Nothing.

They never asked.

They said they wouldn't expect a guy to ride on his partners.

Loyalty like that can get you in all kinds of trouble, Bobby.

Yeah, right.

So, uh, what's up? What's the job?

I don't know, kid.

Have you been rehabilitated?

What do you mean, man?

What are you saying, Judd?

I'm saying, man, to look me in the eye, kid.

Tell me the truth.

The truth can work to your advantage sometimes.

Like now, it could save your blood.

I didn't say nothing, and I didn't listen.

Payroll trial with lots and lots of money out of town, low profile,

payroll trial.

What?

Judd, maybe we'd better not.

I think the Cowboys know.

What are they, psychic?

They said you wouldn't hit a bank, but something like maybe a stage coach away from town.

It's only guesswork on their part.

But I hope they do show up, and we have enough firepower to incinerate a dozen SWAT teams.

Now, this here blew up the smack dab in the middle of that stretch of road.

I thought he ought to be able to see a long ways either direction.

Let's make tracks. I'm coaching with the need to smite the jackal.

Let me check on Bill.

What do you think you're doing?

I don't feel a lot better, Harlan. I can go.

Where's the hat?

It don't matter. You ain't going.

Why, down?

Now, don't go giving me orders, Harlan.

Bill.

I don't know how I feel.

Look, a man don't fight at half strength.

Ah!

When he's got no choice, Bill.

Yeah, well, maybe I do not choose to sit around here on my backside.

I wonder what the hell's going on. I can still shoot.

Or get shot.

Now, half strength means half speed. I do not intend to worry about you today.

Now, you stay in that bed or by thunder. I'm going to tie you in it.

Thank you.

My half speed's twice as fast as your full speed.

You know it.

I can't see nothing, Harlan.

Them trees are real thick. A body can hide itself pretty good in there.

I'll wait you. Lomax's boys are holed up in there.

You can depend on it.

I'll make them for Brian.

Twist me, twist me.

There's gonna die.

There's gonna be twist.

I'll tell you, Roy.

It's gonna be a love and twist.

Yeah. Looks like our boy, but I really can't tell.

That's that same hilly a cop during Shini was flying. That's him.

That's Lomax for sure.

FB, this is number six. We're at mile ten.

It's PGA, it's 20 minutes.

This is L.

We are now jamming. We have radio silence.

Now that can't call for help. No radio.

Well, John should have had time to work his way around right now.

Let's go get him.

All right, from you.

From you.

Clear!

Clear!

Clear!

I can see you. I can hear you.

You must have just creased me, son.

Help me.

Well, it's gonna treat you.

So did the water Grishman, or was it an anteater?

Get out of there and see them.

Do it.

Amen.

Slow and easy.

Put all the way to the hill.

That's pretty good.

I'll take that present there and tear it open.

Mr. Mendoza?

Press it.

This is the best present I could ever get.

Doc says that even this little limp is gonna go away in a few months.

No, but what you guys did, paying for the operation with the reward money, no?

That kind of present is gonna take care of birthdays and Christmas and then everything.

Forever.

Well, that one there might be even better.

Go on, son. Don't be afraid. Open it up.

Why at the Stella?

We're located in Dallas.

She wants you to come live with her.

Court says it's okay.

It appears we're no longer responsible for your custody.

Thank the Lord. We ain't your keeper no more, boy.

I don't know what to say.

Don't say anything, Mr. Mendoza.

Let's get into this cake.

Would you do me a favor? Mr. Graham.

Mr. Graham.

What favor, Mr. Mendoza?

Simple. Call me Bobby.

Mr. Graham.

Mr. Brown, Mr. Graham.

Mr. Graham.

Mr. Graham.

Mr. Graham.

Mr. Graham.

Mr. Graham.

Mr. Graham.

Mr. Graham.