Original subtitles

Sheriff Jonathan Braille was mad.

We'd hit a bank in his town.

Harlan Pike.

Me?

Wopes and Lucas.

William Pike.

And Isaiah Eisman-Cadams.

Known collectively as the Pike Gay.

Music

Music

Music

Braille had once been partners in crime with the four of us,

and now all bets were off.

The showdown was interrupted, however, by the almighty,

who sent us all sailing into the 20th century.

And what a century it is.

But we weren't what you'd call ordinary men,

so we dug in, tried to adapt,

and started a detection agency to put beams on the table,

and in the process ran head-on into deputy Maggie Randall.

Things may be different this century,

but there's plenty of work to be done,

because one thing's bound to be true.

The bad ombres will always outnumber the good.

Music

Music

Music

Music

Music

Music

Music

Music

I hope you and your associates catch these thieves soon.

I mean, the police have been powerless,

and I am fast becoming a nervous wreck.

Don't you fret, Mr. Livingston?

I've got me a feeling today is the day.

It's not just the jewels I'm worried about, Jonathan.

They have killed before, and well, you and your partners

are not exactly inconspicuous.

Oh, that's all part of the plan.

Don't you worry about it, thing, pardon?

Thanks for the concern, Al.

Harlan.

Yeah, hello.

Is there anything going on?

Well, I've been sitting here listening to my beard

grow for the last hour.

A bandito's ready to make his move.

Are his compadries still there?

They are, and so are we.

I'll tell the others.

See you soon.

Johnny's moving up behind you.

He's got his hands in his pocket.

He might have a gun.

I don't like it.

Tell Harlan and the boys I'm on my way.

Well, Wilson, this scoundrel does decide to put a slug in me.

Don't forget to return to favor.

One bad move, and I shall smite him down.

Don't smite him or so shoot him.

Ah!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Ah!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Now, son, you just messed up two weeks

after what we call surveillance, and that's put me in a sod, poor move.

Now, that's the extent of your arsenal, Mr.

I suggest to you drop.

Help me pick all this stuff up, son.

Come on.

You all right, ma'am?

Yes, thank you.

Here, let me help you.

Oh, my gracious, look at all these jewels.

Harlan, back it up, brother.

False alarm.

Son, sit.

Ma'am, would you do me a favor and telephone the law?

Oh, that's not necessary.

I'm OK.

Thanks again.

The ma'am.

Would you mind giving me back whatever it is you've

got concealed in that little bag?

I didn't mean it.

It was for my husband.

We saw this is them.

We owe you one.

We're in.

What is your boss's apartment number?

Mr. Bassett has the entire 38th floor.

Should be too hard to find, then.

What's the matter, Billy?

You look a little peeked.

I can't get the hang of this vertical motion.

You don't seem quite natural to me.

This is bad medicine, any contraption

that shoots you toward the Almighty

without being properly summoned.

It's got to be driven by Lucifer.

Shut up.

It's a bear.

What?

It's a grieze.

Dad?

Dad?

Gentlemen, welcome.

Please, come here.

Jonathan Cray, it's a genuine pleasure, sir.

Harlem Pike, yes, sir.

I knew you anywhere, Mr. Pike.

I say, huh, McCatoms?

It's very good to know you, Mr. McCatoms.

I'm Wilson Lucas.

It's an honor, sir.

How do you do, sir?

Oh, Trillium Pike, the fast-gun.

It's a privileged young man.

I'm Victor Bassett, the Earl of Molesbury.

If you're interested in my lineage,

but don't let the tile bore you, no.

Please, gentlemen, sit, sit.

I expect you're wondering who the hell I am.

Well, I'm a writer.

I'm a writer of Western fiction, to be precise.

A genre sometimes known as the pot boiler.

You know, started out, keep it boiling.

There you are.

There's the body of my work.

60 novels.

Over 50 million in print.

14 films, et cetera, et cetera.

One of them, Dime Novelus.

Penny Dreadful Rider.

Well, yes.

But I wouldn't describe them as dreadfully dead.

Bill, hold.

Ain't gonna stick around, listen to some...

some lying, meaty-mouth, high end of a jacket.

You just ran in?

Just a family discussion.

Oh, I feel kind of the way you do.

It's a different century, and things may have changed.

Not with that breed.

There's still the same harlin.

There's still dancing away from the truth.

You've seen some of them Western moving picture.

Now, come on.

We are guests in this house.

We agreed to come.

We are obligated to hear him out.

Now, that's what power would say.

Come on.

Hello, gentlemen.

I have something to show you.

How the heart-broning David Holstrenville.

You pose for that photo at the Garden of Studio in Lubbock, Texas.

Sometime in the autumn of 1893, am I right?

Never did like Grails' name coming first.

Yeah.

What about me and, uh, Ice here?

Gentlemen, let's not argue the point at this time.

Come on, pal.

But just for the record, I'm well aware of the fact

you couldn't have robbed the El Paso stage.

Because you were too busy robbing that carpet bagger train in Galveston.

The same day.

Am I right?

Well, he didn't lie about that one.

Mr. If it was your intention to try and spook us, you succeeded.

Now, what's the point?

It's really a good thing.

It's not a good thing.

I'm not a good thing.

I'm not a good thing.

I'm not a good thing.

I'm not a good thing.

I'm not a good thing.

What's the point?

It's really quite simple.

You see, I was doing some research for a book

when I found that photo of you men and a irangabel.

A few months earlier, I had to clip the story

on the exploits of the double eagle detective agency.

There was another photo taken last year.

The photos matched.

Is that a fact?

And I, I believe the evidence was right there in front of me.

And yet the explanation is unexplainable.

What do you want, mister?

Yeah, what?

Street shooters, no nonsense.

Well, you see, I've been having a problem.

I'm suffering from what they call writer's block.

It's put it quite simply.

It's a sort of mental barrier,

which inhibits the writer from writing.

And that's why I came here.

That's why I had this round of design.

You're not doing...

Give me inspiration, but not worth it.

Nothing.

Yes, and then...

I came across you.

Can you imagine?

An historical writer being actually able to talk

to people from the past.

I reckon that would be of some help, wouldn't it?

Absolutely.

And if I can just talk to you and listen to

you at W.F.C. of course, as promised,

I know I'll write again at this time.

I'll write the definitive Western novel.

The idea does have some merit.

Well, I say no.

You can't trust these fellows.

Whether it's this century or the last, don't matter.

None.

I don't understand your reluctance, mister Pike, after all.

You don't even know me.

Why should you think that I'm incapable of telling the truth?

In the past, Yankee newspapers and dime novelists

weren't exactly known for telling the truth.

I'll make up for their lack of veracity.

It's a saga.

A saga, a true saga of the Pike family.

And I'll help you.

Yes, you help me.

I'm not going to be a part of a decide show.

Calm down, Wilson.

We don't mind you telling the truth.

We're not against you putting a record straight.

That's all I want to do, believe me.

It is not only being in our best interest to be listed as sources.

But you don't have to worry.

I mean, they won't believe me anyway.

All right, mister, you got yourself a deal.

You're solemn both.

Like you say, nobody's going to believe you anyway.

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

One down!

Hey, Wing Cross, first!

And you know it!

You're crazy, Wilson!

You owe me $20 to help me.

Please forgive it to me right now.

I bet I'm vocal, Wilson!

That's why you lost!

I bet your eyes went bad on you, son!

Like I said.

I said, how did you see that, huh?

I'm going to stay out of this one, gentlemen.

Maggie?

My angle was bad.

One thing, for sure.

One thing's for sure, Whitlow came in last.

Mm.

Oh, here it is.

Whoo!

Do you like that?

That's a hell of a horse.

You brought yourself there, Mr. Grill.

You couldn't tell which one of us was first.

Yeah, I agree with you, Mr. Plank.

Of course, I had to hold him back a little because he's a little bit more like a little

bit younger than that big old white hoe.

You was holding back both of them a little.

Well, look here.

Get down, Whitlow.

Riders.

Down, down, down.

Over yonder.

Nice.

Come on, come on, come on.

Where'd you come from?

The graver trees above the fence.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Whoo.

Look at the ear, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You let loose wounded men die, you coward.

You let them die.

You let them die.

I know it's your property, John, but I want to follow the court anyway.

I appreciate the offer, Maggie, but that ain't the way we do things in Texas.

Good God, for John, I was born and raised in Texas.

That is exactly the way we do things.

Unless you're talking about it, different Texas.

That's exactly what I am talking about, deputy Randall.

Now, you drive safe.

Deputy Randall, now you drive safe?

What about Sunday supper, John?

I'm coming, and I'm bringing the wine.

Now, you drive safe.

Hey, no report.

How did you develop such incredible high speed?

One thing, sir, some trees were three, 400 yards from where we were standing.

Yeah, one hell of a shot.

Assuming he hit what he was aiming at.

No doubt in my mind.

I'm quite curious who this fellow might be, ain't you?

Tell me.

Tell me about the gunfight you have with Long Selman.

From all accounts, I gather that you were only 18 at the time.

Well, it happened in Waco.

Selman, see, he wanted to make himself a little reputation.

He calls me out.

You know how that is, huh?

Oh, yeah, she has to beat the fastest.

You've been instant feeding.

Right.

So this old boy, he walks right up to me.

And he says, I'm going to gun you and get famous doing it.

And then what happened?

There wasn't nothing I could do, but just let him make his play.

Yes.

And then what happened?

Well, old Long, see, he fancy one of these cross draw rigs.

Yeah, like my brother.

I don't recommend him myself.

Because by the time he had his hand on his gun,

I'd put two slugs through his hat.

And just plumb took the fight right out of him.

Oh, you didn't kill him?

No, there ain't no need to kill him, ain't I?

You know, just for being a fool.

No.

Billy, I thought you were the one who wanted the truth to be told about your papa, you know, that stuff.

Well, I do.

Well, yeah, maybe about your papa.

But it seems to me that story you're telling is a little different than I recollect it.

You call him me a liar.

Well, let's just say I ain't calling you a child a god, because a child a god wouldn't fail to mention about the man's wife.

Now, if you did face that old boy down, you did it, where you rear end.

It says the last thing he seen when you was leaving town.

And if I'd come along when I did, you'd be wearing a rifle slug.

Well, your brain's residing right now.

Children...

This boy saved your hide more than once, Mr. Lucas.

You saved nothing.

That's precisely what I just said.

Gentlemen, Mr. Lucas, I do believe we have reached that point where words just ain't gonna do the job.

Well, Mr. Pyke, I agree, and I think that's the first honest thing that you have said all day.

After you?

After you, Mr. Lucas.

Very well.

Excuse me, Mr. Gray, I bet they're going to fight out there.

Yeah.

It's clear to me, Isaiah.

Bushwacker.

It's so long we're gonna ask you.

The question hasn't been posed.

Bushwacker's been moved.

Yeah, enough to fight.

That's a part of that.

Oh!

The fact that...

Wherever it is he's got us dancing to his tune.

That's something we can't afford.

I feel for Amber's father.

It's not as difficult to concentrate knowing there's somebody out there trying to nail your hide.

Yeah, couldn't agree more, but we can't just hole up in this house and wait to be attacked again.

We gotta get back on that Livingston jewelry job this afternoon.

Sure, we put too much time in effort.

Let that one slide.

Fact.

Isaiah, you keep the records.

Why don't you look through the case histories and see if you can find a candidate out there somewhere.

What do you think?

It's my word.

I definitely agree with you.

Don't break my flowerpots.

We ain't!

Jake!

No!

No!

No!

No!

Open the door, son.

Don't look around.

No!

No!

No!

Hey!

Where'd you learn to drive, cowboy?

What did you say?

What is the major difference you see between your time and now?

That's a tough question, Whitlow.

There's so many differences, but I'll tell you what's the same.

There's still a good ombre against the bad one.

Holland, if you should occur today, may I accompany you boys when you engage the bad ombre's over there?

Nope.

Nope. I like you, Whitlow, all chapped, but no.

Oh, Harlan, you must let me.

I promise I won't interfere, but I just want to be there when the shooting starts.

Why don't you just hold this?

Harlan?

Yeah, Harlan.

I can barely hear you.

Oh, darn, modern technology. We're the tail.

Hello?

Rayhouse got the fish hooked, and he's reeling in there.

Got you, Wolf.

Bill, it worked. They're on their way, huh?

Come on.

Yeah. Come on, Harlan.

What do I mean?

I mean what I say, Harlan.

I really mean that I want to accompany you.

I want you to stay right here.

Stay put, but Harlan, you must understand that you're...

What I understand is that you hired us to talk to.

That makes you a kind of a client, and I would hate like sin to see one of our clients get shot.

No.

Oh, Bill.

It's a good shit.

Aren't you at the least bit scared?

Well, yeah, I'm scared they might give up without a fight.

Go down, back shooters.

Come on. Yeah.

I say, good you think.

All right. Where are we going? What are we going to do?

Be scared, mister.

Just going to take you after the boonies in Arabia.

Where?

The boonies. The sticks. The woods. The country.

Oh, shut up and keep driving.

Oh, my Lord.

Watch it, man. Oh, look out. Damn it.

Well, how can I watch it if you're distracting me like that?

I'm a little up, cowboy.

We scored big, boys.

Turn around.

Turn around.

Yeah!

Get over here!

Look, look, look.

Don't do it!

Grill.

Mr. Mike.

Pretty shot from way back there.

Not bad. Not bad.

Whitlow, you okay?

All right? Can you hear me?

Stamped up a high blood pressure.

This take me for the decays.

Whitlow, next time I tell you to stay put, you mind me here?

Yes, I would have captured him for you.

God, Bassett, will you give it a rest?

If you have no fear, my liege,

I shall cast a spell upon this demon.

Wilson, Wilson, Lucas, you've been in my filing cabinet again.

Very well.

Grant, Christopher, what am I bawling with you?

You're already deceased.

Let's see.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Wilson, the elves are not supposed to be here.

Businessmen, get rid of the old-fashioned method of filing your important papers.

No more in gaining the cabinets cluttering up your office.

Not when you install the new Stephen's office computerized filing system.

Efficient, neat, easy to operate.

The Stephen system makes the filing cabinet blues sing a happy tune.

And now back to another game.

That is what we need here.

Everything is tucked away in a compact piece of 20th century machinery.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, I can hear Wilson Lucas now going into one of his hell-firing brimstone speeches.

That old word, Brother McAdams.

Tell me what you do, tiny keys and watching the answer pop up on the screen right before your very eyes.

Bassett, for me, sir!

What I want you to need is a little bit of faith.

Close your eyes and depend on righteousness!

Smiling.

Brock.

Nick, Brock.

Sergeant Miller, as in McAdams, here question.

Is Nick Brock been parole to your knowledge?

No, no, no.

I was just updating my files. Thank you.

I'm gonna catch you for this, Graille.

Damn it!

I'm gonna kill all of you!

Do it! I'm gonna kill you!

I'm coming back! I'm coming back!

You're dead meat! I'll kill you!

Every way of you! I'll kill you!

I'll get you!

I'll get you all!

I'll get you! I'll get you!

I'll get you all!

I'll get you all!

Let me see.

Easy.

Are you even dying?

Hey!

There must have been at least a half a dozen of them.

What? Half a dozen?

Half a dozen, it's sick.

All right, too.

No, no, no.

And someone, yeah, hit me from behind.

It's ironic, but it was just after I discovered that Nick Brock had been released from prison last Wednesday.

Released?

Well, he should have stretched a rope.

No, not yet.

John, I started carving on this when you first got night when.

I want you to have it. I'm sorry it has to be in the sense of circumstance.

Thank you. Well, sure, don't mention it, part.

You know, I thought more than once, how I just knew this.

Modern world is a whole lot easier when I saw there still had horses here.

You know, back then, outside of God and your family, a horse is the most important thing a man could have.

We've all learned something from horses.

The dogs.

They feel about you all the time the same way.

It's a distinct pleasure to know there's something on this earth that don't want nothing from you, but you love.

Well, we'll miss you, boy, and we'll see you again someday.

Damn it. Let's go, partners.

Pardon me, darling, but would you mind just coming with us?

John.

Sure.

Got your little deputy, Graeau. And if you want to see Lieutenant Randall alive, again, go back to your ranch and wait for a phone call.

Thanks.

Where are you born, Mr. Oooka?

South Fork of the Brazos.

Oh.

Brother Wilson, did you know that?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

You are too.

Billy, don't you start in on me.

It was the south Fork of the Brazos.

I think you're all being terribly insensitive.

Deputy Randall's in terrible danger.

And, well, now, that's just the point, Whitlow.

Ain't no sense in waiting here in silence when all we got to do is wait.

Hey, Ellen.

You remember that night in Galveston when that was going to lynch you and me?

Well, we were laughing a bit to bust.

Then these three tried to spring us and got him funnier.

Whitlow, sometimes the only relief you get from the trouble is that the whole world lays on you is laughing.

And Wilson, it was the Malapar.

Dammit, John, it was the south Fork of the Brazos.

I don't know where I was born.

I think.

Wait a minute. Maybe it was the Malapar.

Now, I can't remember.

Whitlow, why did you have to bring us up in the first place?

I'm sorry, you were a man.

Oh, damn you, Cole.

Comfortable?

There's no way you're going to get away with this, Mr. Brock.

No way.

Mr. Brock, how polite.

When can I look?

You can look and I'm finished.

Then finish.

I've got a magic sword written off for a fact, 50.

He's beautiful, man. He's beautiful.

You know this is going to put you right back in prison again.

Feels like you're putting it on too heavy.

It's too thick.

It's not how it feels. It's how it looks.

All right, it's finished, Don.

You're on parole and you've committed a serious felony.

And when the police are back...

At least you're not going to find out.

That's the way your cowboy pals work, right?

On their own?

Go to Vaughan or stuff?

It's not going to get it, boy.

He's paying them back worth your life, Brock. Anybody's life.

I've got makeup on, Lady Cop.

Me? Nick Brock?

Am I pretty?

Do I look good?

No.

I look like I've got makeup on, it's what I look like.

They are going to pay for that.

And you too, if you don't shut up.

Your boy, Graell and his buddies did this to me.

You were committing to armed robbery. They were only doing their job.

What I know, what a year in jail does for you.

Napping!

You get nothing but hate.

You survive, only for the payback.

Now I survived and it is my time.

You shut up?

No, I'm here!

No, I'm here!

What the hell have you been?

We got hung up in traffic.

Bring it, frags.

Set credit on your face, man.

Wipe it off and start again.

I don't know how you can sit there so calmly the wishing they're not knowing it's unnerving.

It must be worth it.

Hello.

Yeah, we'll be there.

What are you doing?

He said to come on Ark.

Yeah, right.

Well, we're the keeper.

The big old building called the International Orto Import Facility.

Where the hell is that?

We'll find it, Harlan.

I wrote you the fear.

I promise.

Well, like the last time I told you to stay put.

Well, I'm sorry about that, but I...

Now, Whitlow, we've got a dear friend who's in deep trouble.

We aim to help her out and we can't stand here, jaw,

and about you being a chronicler of history.

Now, you ain't coming.

All right.

All right, reporting this event is my middle.

I'm writing the definitive Western novel isn't even my main objective.

I've long felt like an impostor and a coward and why shouldn't I?

During the war, two men died as a direct result of my cowardice.

All this business about a writer's block is just a yarn, huh?

Yes.

I was trying so hard to prove myself.

I haven't felt like a man in 43 years.

I'm going to go and get the

money.

You're in the car.

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MELISOPH Is Agriculture

spraying

shots

sounds

Rob Mueller

Now, wait a minute.

You can I get back out now, if you want to, none of us is gonna think the worst of you.

But I will talk!

Well, you gotta be there when and where we need it.

Yes, yes, I understand.

Faith Whitlow always believe in your best self and you can always overcome your worst

Well gentlemen, let's do it

Oh

All the way to the hill carry home

Oh

Well couldn't hardly refuse now could I let her go bro?

Where are the others you'll see them when Miss Randall is safe you want me to turn the other cheek grail I

Know you have a gun where is it?

Not convinced my grail

I'm turning the other cheek. I can't you hit me from that far away

Well now if it's a gun fight your seeking that's fine. I

Just don't like the edge you got

I'm behind a woman's skin

Maybe you can't hit my other cheek from there. I can hit yours. I'm gonna mark you up grail. I want your buddies to see this

You get them out here or I'll kill you when you stand now. What do you want them for?

I know I'm the creature get them out here

Well, well, well

Come on in

Where's the other one? She ain't here. He's out of town

How many just see

Just them Nick just them four

They'll become yourself with you

He'll miss

What do you visit me rock your problems with me? I

Want your buddies where I can see them you got behind me last time

That's cost you showed us your back

You're gonna be quiet

I

There, this is what happens to you right?

Oh!

Come on, son!

You don't know what you've gonna say.

Don't tell me exactly how you're delivering the orchestra everything up,

Dad's been making this transformation.

Brigadier General D.

Think

Well, you did real good, partner.

Real good.

You saved our bacon with us.

You're neat, thank you.

Why don't you just give me that?

You all right, brother Bassett?

Ha, ha.

Pa, pa.

Brother, of course that's what you are, ain't it?

You did real good.

Real good.

This is the real thing.

This is what it's like.

This is what it's like.

It usually happens quicker than you can think.

When it's over, people are hurt.

And people are dead.

Not very glorious, is it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's not a good thing.

It's a good thing.

It's a good thing.

Not a good thing.

Not a good thing.

I'm not dead.

Not very glorious, is it?

Yeah.

Not a twirl.

Now stay tuned as an unexpected fortune has retired friends

running from the mob.

George C. Scott and Donna Michi provide the laughs.

The Saturday movie next following Sports Break.

The show continues at the Doral Rider Open tomorrow.