Original subtitles

We're gonna tell you one time to leave the premises.

Fat chance.

Night on outlaws.

Leon and his friends are very experienced in hurting people.

You got to fight them, Laura.

So easy.

To the hill!

I'm not gonna listen to this shoot first and ask questions later, not say shot first.

We're not gonna take any more jive from your program.

We're not gonna take any more jive from your program.

Sheriff Jonathan Braille was mad.

We'd hit a bank in his town.

Arlen Pike.

B. Wops and Lucas.

William Pike.

And Isaiah Eisman-Adams.

Known collectively as the Pike gang.

Braille had once been partners in crime with the four of us, but now all bets were off.

The showdown was interrupted, however, by the almighty who sent us all sailing into the 20th century.

And what a century it is.

But we weren't what you'd call ordinary men, so we dug in, tried to adapt, and started a detection agency to put beams on the table.

And in the process ran head-on into Deputy Maggie Randall.

Things may be different this century, but there's plenty of work to be done because one thing's bound to be true.

The bad ombres will always outnumber the good.

The bad ombres will always outnumber the good.

The bad ombres will always outnumber the good.

The bad ombres will always outnumber the good.

The bad ombres will always outnumber the good.

Get on, I ain't pull this because I'm hungry.

The bad ombres will always outnumber the good.

Well, how do you do that?

Are you the, uh, we're looking for the Double Eagle Detective Agency?

Well, under normal circumstances, ma'am, that'll be us.

What can we do for you?

Well, it is a little complicated.

Carlos and I left El Salvador to escape violence and oppression.

For a short time, we found this dream, a little shop of our own, a few dollars in the bank.

Find dreams, Signora.

You can also locate us at La Salvador.

Men came to our neighborhood, bad men, animals.

They wanted money. They killed my husband when he resisted.

Our condolences, Signora are taken.

What did your local law men do about all this?

What could they do? No one saw anything? No one?

This is not being polite.

What we need is some guys to go down there and kick those punks behind.

I'm not talking like tap, Jim. I'm talking whaling with steel, tote boots,

breaking bones, and crushing skulls. Do it myself.

But it's only one of me.

And I ain't as young as I used to be.

You will consider in that maybe you ought to just not get involved at all.

Okay. What, nine rounds? We're walk out in 52.

What?

Jersey Joe Walker.

Oh, that walk out. Yeah, I bet about him.

Pretty good fighter, wasn't he? Good.

Man. The protection money that we are being forced to pay them is getting worse and worse.

We are newcomers to this country.

It was a second chance to come here.

You were born here, born Americans.

Maybe it is hard for you to understand what it means to have a second chance.

But to us, to us it means everything.

I have heard about you, read about you sometimes, so I asked Laura to help us meet you.

She is our teacher. And she taught us English and civics too.

I'll take it she wasn't too enthusiastic about you hiring us. That correct.

She didn't want to come. She does not believe in fighting violence with violence. She does not approve.

You know what?

Hiring gunman in this day and age is ludicrous.

Well, we're not gunmen anymore. I mean, we're a detection agency.

Like Pinkerton's and such.

But you must admit, it is ludicrous in this day and age.

Oh, no, man. Not the slightest, doesn't it?

Sladdest of the day.

You know what I mean.

To tell the truth, I don't even know

what a ludicrous is.

But I do know you were the prettiest thing

I ever laid my eyes on.

Yes, thank you.

Let's just make sure it's only your eyes.

Smart, too.

Well, hi, you're smarter than a whip across Ponies, but.

Did he?

The withers have had his back.

You don't waste any time, do you?

Well, I discovered a while back the time.

Something that neither a man nor a woman could afford to waste.

Listen, Billy, I admit that I do find you attractive,

but my head isn't into this right now.

I have a class to teach tomorrow not to mention.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I've come, I forgot your school marm.

Lordy, Lordy, I swear I ain't never, ever

seen the school marm look like you.

Ain't never.

It's a double negative.

You should never.

School marm.

Is that a double what?

Negative, double negative.

It's basic grammar.

It's simple.

Yeah.

Well, maybe I ain't never had much use for any of that reading

or writing or grammar stuff, especially where I come from.

You can't read, Billy?

You know, you're not enough to survive,

but I do know what makes a man a man.

Sure as hell ain't book learning.

Really, don't.

I see now the way it is.

School marm's like, you don't associate

with low life, uneducated scums like me.

Now, don't even say that, Billy.

That's not true.

And you know it.

And I apologize if that's what.

No, I'm the one that should be apologizing to you, Laura.

I'm always shooting off my mouth and getting in trouble.

That's why I apologize.

Sincerely.

Accepted.

I know I should change the subject, but I'm curious.

How did you manage to miss so much school?

Well, to tell the truth, I was mostly too busy working and such.

Come on.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

Let's go.

I started work kind of young, you see.

That class that I was talking about before,

it's mainly remedial reading.

All ages for high school equivalency.

Why don't you enroll?

Well, I mean, I don't like not being able to read and search, but...

We can all change if we want too bad enough.

Call me if you do.

That's a long time.

Come to my deli and have to put salami.

That's a good day, folks.

Bye.

Bye.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Well, gentlemen, as far as this scene is pretty simple to me.

Like the time we helped Book Cobb and his minor friends back in Laredo.

We'll just ride in and make our presence felt.

The hired guns all stirred up.

Just like them miners, they'll start making mistakes and we'll lock the leaders right to the big box.

And swoop down on the luck of engine angels and chop up your bits.

No, we'll soon we can just ride in.

Boys, you're gonna have to play this hand without a gun.

You're gonna have to play this hand without me.

What?

I feel that the times come from my book learning to commence.

See, times ain't like there was before when, you know, man could do without it.

Nowadays, everybody's educated.

Well, now you're absolutely right, will you?

Especially the women, huh?

What's that supposed to mean sheriff?

Well, it means Laura Kirby, that little school teacher you was spooning up to.

This sudden educational fervor wouldn't have anything to do with that little school bomb, not would it, Billy?

Well, something's giving them the hankering of learning.

They sure are saying they itself improve money.

They're wrong, Wolfson.

I've been thinking real hard about how, you know, sometimes my head ain't quite so fast as my drive.

And it's just got me kind of itchy.

I got lost the other day on my motorbike just because I couldn't read some of the damn street signs.

Well, I was figured I'd teach myself with you, but I never did catch the time.

Hope it, uh, hope it works out.

Well, man wants to change bad enough, then you can change.

Well, he's serious, ain't you brother Harlan?

What do you think of all this?

Well, I reckon the four of us can, uh, can handle this job.

Man's gotta go the way his stick floats.

Thank you, Harlan.

You boys, y'all know that, uh, if I'm needed, I'll be there.

And now I got myself a Randy Old Bronx go breaking and I'll get down to it.

Well, you get to see to find out who chose the tougher task this day.

I saw a little with you.

To the hilt.

In proper dress code, Davey. No pants.

Very sexy.

Hey, come on, Davey. Don't want me to play for class.

No, ain't no, no.

Hey, like, can't go in there like this. Just, just give him back.

Just, uh, just go ahead and take him.

Huh?

Go ahead and take him.

Come on. Hey, come on.

Ha, ha.

Give him trousers.

I'm asking you for life. Give him his trousers.

Well, stranger, why don't you go ahead and make it?

Miss Ruby, I love you Miss Ruby.

Come on.

You made it right, Miss Ruby.

You can't.

Hey, you're wild.

You're wild.

Hey, you're wild.

You're wild.

You.

Hey, you're wild.

Miss Laura.

You have a good fat head, huh?

It's a lucky shot, man.

Well, it's a lucky shot.

Oh, my god.

You're wild.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.

There's sheep.

Sheep always want to watch.

What's wrong?

Collection time.

Yes.

Collection.

Yes.

Yes, that's very nice.

That's the only American word you'll ever need to know.

How about sorry?

Sorry, what?

Mr.

Sorry, but Mr. Luke isn't very much interested in paying you men.

Any more protection money?

Excuse me, New Year.

Mr.

My name is Jonathan Gray.

This is Harlan Pike.

Pleasure.

Are we going to tell you one time, only one time, to leave the premises?

Fat chance?

You know, I figured he was going to say that.

You know, they don't make bad men like these to Mr. Gray.

Poor diet.

I'm the nourishment, Mr. Pike.

No doubt.

Thank you.

Mr. Pike.

Thank you, gentlemen.

I played day for Liberty.

And that was most satisfying.

Thank you, guys.

Thank you.

You know, good people.

I think you're in my three-month tour room.

Celebrate.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

I'm in the room.

I'm in the room.

I'm in the room.

I'm in the room.

I'm in the room.

I'm in the room.

I'm in the room.

I'm in the room.

I'm in the room.

I'm in the room.

Celebrate.

Yeah, we did win the day, but I'm afraid this war just started.

They most certainly will be back.

That chicken depend on them.

Well, let them come.

We'd be ready for them.

Want me to look?

That's a gas.

Yeah!

August 30th, that year.

Columbus finally said, sale.

Or Columbus, sale the ocean blue.

You're doing fine, David.

Please continue.

His flagship, the Santa.

Santa Claus, David.

The good chips have a glass.

Stick with the boy.

Don't you let him hamstring.

That's, uh, Santa Maria.

The Santa Maria, which...

Carried it.

It's easy for you to say, man.

Thank you, David.

That'll be all for now.

From you, too, Leon.

Would you pick it up, please, William?

On October 12th, Columbus,

discovered...

...Watlin...

...is land.

...discovered, and it's island.

On October 12th,

Columbus discovered...

...Watlin's land.

And it's island.

On October 12th,

Columbus discovered...

...Watlin's...

...is land.

And don't you forget it.

Pilting.

Blades got no balance, boy.

I got the...

...wait, you're trying to pick.

Oh, wait.

Oh, Dad's got a good pick.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Surprise, Pilkham.

Don't sweat it, man.

We ain't here to do any damage.

We're here to ask you a question.

You want to be a chef?

One of us?

What do you want to be a stiff?

You know, man, you either join up or you get wasted.

Because we're not going to take any more jive from your pilgrim,

and that is a solid fact.

Well, I am much on joining things.

I think you better think about that.

Because you see, the shivers run this neighborhood.

We run this school.

And you are either with us or you get my meaning.

I expect I do.

I knew you'd make the right decision, Pilkham.

All right, there's a bell just like this one on everyone's shop.

Does everyone understand the strategy?

Do you see anybody who looks like trouble with this ring,

and that bell with that old cord?

Ring your leg held.

Okay, then it's business as usual.

We'll be making it around right after supper.

Come on, Harlan.

Will he stay in late after school?

Do you want to ask the word?

Yeah, probably.

I'm sparking that pretty little school teacher.

He's trying, isn't he?

Yeah.

I don't believe it.

I don't see him put his nose to the grindstone so hard.

Yeah, maybe you are doing it.

Huh?

Well, Harlan, if you let it, education can be a powerful adversary.

Well, I said I ain't the adversary I'm worried about.

There's something with that school that's got that boy fired up,

and he just ain't talking about it.

Oh, man, that's what's got him fired up.

I told you he's in love with that pretty little school teacher.

You all know, Billy.

He's in some kind of trouble.

We'll be dead last to know.

I'll help bring him up, and I'll bet on that.

Yeah, that's the fact John has spodled me.

Dead last.

I just can't figure.

See, back where I come from,

pulled cats like Leon and Santo's.

It would have been high until they couldn't stand up or sit down.

You mean whippings?

I think that's a little extreme.

Well, let me tell you what's extreme, Laura.

Extreme's watching them other folks.

You know the ones that want an education?

Extreme's watching them play dead when they ought to be giving Leon

and his shivs a whole lot of poop leather on the backside.

Well, maybe they rather play dead than be dead.

Well, they outnumber the shivs seven to one.

Yes, but Leon and his friends are very experienced at hurting people.

If there were courses in it, they'd have straight A's.

You're afraid of them.

You're damn right, I am.

I wish you were too.

But I know you're not, and that's why sometimes Billy,

I wish you would never come here.

You're turning this whole thing upside down.

You got to fight him, Laura.

Fight him for what?

For teaching?

For a bureaucratic system that's turned everything into red tape and paperwork?

For the so-called AI make?

You don't do this for pay, Laura.

Maybe not.

But whatever made me want to be a teacher in the first place is gone.

You be brave, Billy.

The rest of us have forgotten how to.

Let's see some game.

We don't have any more money.

You've taken all of it.

We can't give you any more.

It's a break.

I'm sorry, we got to see a member.

Let's see what we got to see a member.

It may be small, but it'll do.

You're dead, cowboy.

You're history.

History, huh?

That is for sure.

Ace is the place you've come to.

Billy!

Billy!

Billy!

You can't go there alone.

You told me how to get to their hideout that's all I need.

I still think it's telling me to go in there.

But if you insist, we need some help.

Okay?

You'll do.

I was told there's impossible girl vegetables in this area.

Here, you know.

But some vegetables, some varieties,

are very rugged little fellas.

Cherry tomato, for instance.

Incredibly tenacious.

Some even say ferocious.

I have great respect for the cherry tomato.

Eat it. I can see by your eyes.

You have a serious vitamin A deficiency.

I have great respect for cherry tomatoes,

but I have no respect for the three of you.

I gave you the high school.

To prove yourselves.

Virgin territory.

Come on, farmer.

We were taking two and three hundred a week for those guys.

I told you partially responsible for this.

This cowboy is still being alive.

This is your acreage.

You're the overseer.

These three reported to you.

You're the king of the world.

I figured I'd waste anything to be too high profile.

What did you hit me for, farmer?

Wasn't either one of the ones that found out

that the cowboys were partners with those other creeps.

The ones protecting the store owners.

Yes, a complication.

A challenge.

But this, this Billy person,

allowing him to intimidate you,

you think of this place as a city.

I think of it as a farm.

Farm land, carefully nurtured.

Can produce for generations and generations.

Now these, these vigilantes are descended on our,

our farm area like a blight must be eradicated.

I want Billy the kid to be the first to go.

Towards his sin, he must avert his friend's attention.

I want our young heroes catch ripped down.

This example of the other students.

I want him squashed.

I want him mutilated.

I want him squashed like the Burman he is.

I want him dead.

I want him canceled.

I want him dead.

He's on 24 hours.

I want him to be very angry.

Cancelled.

Like what happened to Star Trek?

They're going to take you off the air, man.

I don't know what you're talking about, David, but, uh,

well, even if I did, it wouldn't make a lick of difference.

At least now we know what they're up to and who's given the orders

and that they're all tied in with each other, the shivs,

those protection jokers, all of them.

Yeah, but you got to tell the police.

Hey, you know, a while back, kid,

there was a gang of cool man cherries that put a price on my head.

Said they was going to put it in a burlap sack and then stick it in an ant hill.

Then the pluck out the skull would make real fancy spittoon out of it.

What do you think I did when I heard about that?

I don't know. I mean, I don't even know what a...

a chamomile chalice.

All the same as them.

Renegades, low-down critters.

Any way you think I found myself a law dog that wet-nurse me?

Hmm? Not likely.

I waited.

And I kept my eyes peeled, and I kept my powder dry.

When they made their play, I was ready.

Alone? That's the way you ride into life, and that's the way you ride out.

Yeah, but you can't do this alone, Billy.

Why not?

I could sure show my partners what a hollacious comfaudry they're teamed up with,

and then there's Laura.

She'd cheer, think, old Billy Pack was the cat's meow,

if I broke this whole thing up, captured the farmer.

Shoulder, I was right about fighting back.

Shoulder, I could be just as smart as she is, all by myself.

Billy,

when my dad was alive, he said we need each other,

and that you can get a lot more done working together than alone.

Come on, kid.

You gotta get back to school for a lunch break, so...

I'll be right back.

Good afternoon.

Everything okay, Mr. Muck?

Oh, yes, very fine, very fine.

I'm gonna get out of here, just a sec, don't worry.

I'm gonna get out of here.

Don't you?

Don't you?

Yeah, don't.

Hey, thanks, partner.

See you there.

You know, it's mighty nice of him, but we can't give us any forks.

What are these other forks?

What?

What are these?

Uh, so these years last time I was in San Francisco.

Well, I was 18 and 81.

They've used these for centuries.

Well, he gave us a pair of my guestsets in case one breaks.

You know, it's one of these Chinese people, don't starve to death.

You know, it's one of these Chinese people, don't starve to death.

What's up?

Come on, let's go.

Go, go, come on.

It's a very hard hit world.

It worked.

You're a very little man, I say.

Let's give him some help.

All right, folks.

We have to take part in town.

We'll be trying to take part in town.

Tom, we have a 12.

You got a lady that's not gonna be the same.

Tom, come on.