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1
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Britain and America.
2
00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:14,068
We have given each other so much
over the years.
3
00:00:14,068 --> 00:00:16,862
We gave you Sir William Shakespeare.
4
00:00:16,862 --> 00:00:19,445
You gave us the American Pie trilogy.
5
00:00:19,445 --> 00:00:21,446
We gave you the Royal Family.
6
00:00:21,446 --> 00:00:23,488
You gave us the Olsen twins.
7
00:00:23,488 --> 00:00:25,905
We gave you Noel Coward.
8
00:00:25,905 --> 00:00:28,072
You gave us Motley Crue.
9
00:00:28,072 --> 00:00:29,905
But what about the people
10
00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:31,823
of our two great nations?
11
00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,949
Who are? What do?
12
00:00:33,949 --> 00:00:35,574
And why?
13
00:00:35,574 --> 00:00:38,075
Let us find out now in this,
14
00:00:38,075 --> 00:00:41,951
the final episode
of Little Britain USA.
15
00:00:44,744 --> 00:00:48,828
Children were, of course, abolished
in Britain during the 1950s,
16
00:00:48,828 --> 00:00:51,453
but remain very popular in America.
17
00:00:51,453 --> 00:00:54,997
Are you excited about
your first sleepover, Ellie Grace?
18
00:00:54,997 --> 00:00:59,998
Oh, yes, Mommy,
but in a way I'll be sad, too,
because I'm gonna miss ya heaps.
19
00:00:59,998 --> 00:01:02,081
I do love you, Ellie Grace.
20
00:01:02,081 --> 00:01:03,915
I love you too, Mom.
21
00:01:03,915 --> 00:01:06,375
I love you more than teddy bears.
22
00:01:06,375 --> 00:01:08,292
I love you more than Sesame Street.
23
00:01:08,292 --> 00:01:10,251
I love you more than sugar kisses.
24
00:01:10,251 --> 00:01:12,459
I love you more than Thanksgiving.
25
00:01:12,459 --> 00:01:14,377
I love you more than baby deers.
26
00:01:14,377 --> 00:01:16,169
I love you more than Dumbo.
27
00:01:16,169 --> 00:01:19,795
I love you more than pink blossom.
I love you more than...
28
00:01:19,795 --> 00:01:21,713
I love you more than...
29
00:01:21,713 --> 00:01:24,005
Have I got you beat, Ellie Grace?
30
00:01:24,005 --> 00:01:25,588
No, no!
31
00:01:25,588 --> 00:01:28,964
Oh! I love you more
than double-headed dildos.
32
00:01:28,964 --> 00:01:32,089
Ellie Grace!
How many times must I tell you
33
00:01:32,089 --> 00:01:35,132
you are not to mention
such rude things?!
34
00:01:35,132 --> 00:01:36,383
Sorry, Mommy.
35
00:01:36,383 --> 00:01:40,967
Especially not to the twins
or their mom,
or they'll never have you over again!
36
00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:42,676
Yes, Mommy.
37
00:01:42,676 --> 00:01:44,927
It's OK.
38
00:01:50,304 --> 00:01:54,138
Hey, guys! Welcome! The girls
are just out playing in the yard.
39
00:01:54,138 --> 00:01:55,471
Jenny!
40
00:01:55,471 --> 00:01:57,596
Jessie!
Thank you so much for having her.
41
00:01:57,596 --> 00:02:00,181
I'll pick her up tomorrow at 9.00
for her ballet class.
42
00:02:00,181 --> 00:02:03,973
Great. We'll see you then.
BOTH: Hello, Mrs Day.
Hello, Ellie Grace.
43
00:02:03,973 --> 00:02:06,974
Hello, twins.
Hey, girls. Don't you look pretty?
44
00:02:06,974 --> 00:02:11,975
Now, be good, Ellie Grace,
and remember what I told you.
45
00:02:11,975 --> 00:02:15,685
OK. Bye, Mom.
I love you more than bunny rabbits!
46
00:02:15,685 --> 00:02:19,977
No, we're not playing that game.
Oh, it sounds cute!
47
00:02:19,977 --> 00:02:21,769
I love you more than bunny rabbits.
48
00:02:22,937 --> 00:02:27,479
I love you more than cheesecake.
I love you more than Santa Claus.
49
00:02:27,479 --> 00:02:29,523
I love you more than birthdays.
50
00:02:29,523 --> 00:02:31,690
I love you more than homemade
cookies.
51
00:02:31,690 --> 00:02:34,232
I love you more than anal beads.
52
00:02:34,232 --> 00:02:36,191
Oh! Oh!
53
00:02:36,191 --> 00:02:37,816
Oh, I'm sorry!
54
00:02:37,816 --> 00:02:39,942
I'm sorry! I... Oh!
55
00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:41,566
Oh! Oh!
56
00:02:49,653 --> 00:02:51,820
Meanwhile, at this hospital...
57
00:02:51,820 --> 00:02:54,278
Vicky's just down here.
How's she doing?
58
00:02:54,278 --> 00:02:56,196
A little better.
59
00:02:57,570 --> 00:03:00,656
We've taken her off life support.
She's suffered some very serious
injuries.
60
00:03:00,656 --> 00:03:03,989
Oh, dear. She'll have to learn
how to walk again.
61
00:03:03,989 --> 00:03:06,782
This is terrible.
And she's lost the power of speech.
62
00:03:06,782 --> 00:03:09,158
Oh. Well...
63
00:03:09,158 --> 00:03:11,282
every cloud.
64
00:03:11,282 --> 00:03:12,659
This way.
65
00:03:21,786 --> 00:03:23,994
MONITOR BEEPS
66
00:03:23,994 --> 00:03:29,247
Can she hear me?
Her hearing is fine.
67
00:03:29,247 --> 00:03:32,914
We've been teaching her to speak
again using this machine here.
68
00:03:34,289 --> 00:03:35,873
Oh, Vicky, what happened?
69
00:03:35,873 --> 00:03:38,708
SYNTHESISED KEYSTROKES CLICK
70
00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:46,209
ELECTRONIC VOICE: No, but yeah,
71
00:03:46,209 --> 00:03:49,919
but no, but yeah, but no, because
this whole thing happened
or something
72
00:03:49,919 --> 00:03:53,337
or nothing, which I don't even know
anything about, so shut up.
73
00:03:53,337 --> 00:03:57,171
But why on earth
did you jump off of the chapel roof?
74
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:02,047
KEYSTROKES CLICK
75
00:04:05,631 --> 00:04:10,549
Oh, my God! I so can't believe
you just said that.
You are well gonna get beatings!
76
00:04:10,549 --> 00:04:13,300
I didn't even have nothing
to do with it.
77
00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,759
You know Candice,
the fat girl with the lazy eye?
78
00:04:15,759 --> 00:04:19,801
Well, we was all well bored and she
bet me I wouldn't jump off the roof.
79
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,385
And you did it?!
80
00:04:24,302 --> 00:04:26,386
A dollar's a dollar.
81
00:04:27,470 --> 00:04:29,472
Can I call anyone for you?
82
00:04:45,099 --> 00:04:46,560
No.
83
00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,267
She needs to rest now.
84
00:04:51,018 --> 00:04:52,602
I'll come back and see you soon.
85
00:04:57,478 --> 00:05:01,104
Get your hands off me,
you dirty lezzer.
86
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:11,982
Politicians in Britain
have never been involved
in any scandal whatsoever.
87
00:05:11,982 --> 00:05:15,524
Unless, of course, you include
impregnating your secretary
88
00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:18,359
or attempting to murder
a male prostitute.
89
00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:23,569
In Washington, Senator White is
apologising for yet another
indiscretion.
90
00:05:24,945 --> 00:05:29,363
On Tuesday evening, after
a late-night session in the Senate,
91
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:34,488
I was driving home when I discovered
that I needed to use the restroom.
92
00:05:34,488 --> 00:05:37,613
So I drove to a nearby airport.
93
00:05:38,989 --> 00:05:43,282
On arrival at the restroom,
I met a young Puerto Rican gentleman.
94
00:05:43,282 --> 00:05:48,910
He invited me into his cubicle to
talk about Republican Party policy.
95
00:05:50,076 --> 00:05:54,660
I slipped upon the wet floor,
96
00:05:54,660 --> 00:06:00,830
and in the confusion, pulled down
the young man's pants and briefs.
97
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:06,497
At that point,
my clothes accidentally fell off.
98
00:06:06,497 --> 00:06:11,790
The young man, Raoul, then realised
he had lost a contact lens.
99
00:06:11,790 --> 00:06:14,917
He then bent over to find it.
100
00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:19,334
During his search,
he inadvertently backed onto me
101
00:06:19,334 --> 00:06:24,626
and I regret to say
a part of my body entered his.
102
00:06:25,669 --> 00:06:28,253
At this point, the police arrived,
103
00:06:28,253 --> 00:06:31,544
and I can see how the events
could have been misconstrued.
104
00:06:31,544 --> 00:06:33,962
Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you.
105
00:06:33,962 --> 00:06:35,546
Thank you.
106
00:06:35,546 --> 00:06:37,756
CLAMOUR OF QUESTIONS
107
00:06:39,672 --> 00:06:44,466
This is just one of many
diet classes happening today
all over America,
108
00:06:44,466 --> 00:06:48,259
where there are now huge numbers
of obese people,
109
00:06:48,259 --> 00:06:50,801
or greedy, fat slobs.
110
00:06:52,676 --> 00:06:57,386
OK, so today we're gonna try
something a little bit different.
111
00:06:57,386 --> 00:07:01,012
Can we have a volunteer, please,
to come up here
112
00:07:01,012 --> 00:07:03,971
and tell us all why
they're so revoltingly fat?
113
00:07:03,971 --> 00:07:07,805
Tony, you had your hand up. If you'd
like to come and join us up here.
114
00:07:09,055 --> 00:07:11,765
Boom! Boom! Boom! Here he comes.
115
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,931
Easy! OK.
116
00:07:14,931 --> 00:07:19,683
So, Tony, you - and I know
you won't mind me saying it -
117
00:07:19,683 --> 00:07:23,143
you are one of the very most fattiest
people here.
118
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:27,311
In fact, I often struggle to fit
all of you in my field of vision.
119
00:07:27,311 --> 00:07:38,688
Tony, when did your problems
with weight begun?
120
00:07:38,688 --> 00:07:43,315
And the more they teased me,
the more I'd eat.
I guess I was comfort eating.
121
00:07:43,315 --> 00:07:45,232
It's a vicious circle, isn't it,
Tony?
122
00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:47,275
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
123
00:07:47,275 --> 00:07:49,734
Boo-hoo! Yum, yum, yum!
124
00:07:49,734 --> 00:07:52,276
Yeah?
SHE WAILS
125
00:07:52,276 --> 00:07:54,650
Dah, dah, dah!
126
00:07:54,650 --> 00:07:57,277
And what did they say, Tony?
127
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,486
What did they call you? Fatty.
128
00:07:59,486 --> 00:08:01,820
Oh! That's not nice, is it?
129
00:08:01,820 --> 00:08:04,279
They called him Fatty.
130
00:08:04,279 --> 00:08:07,405
Not Fatty Boom-Boom? No.
131
00:08:07,405 --> 00:08:09,696
They didn't go, "Ooh, Fatty
Boom-Boom, Fatty Fatty Boom-Boom"?
132
00:08:09,696 --> 00:08:12,655
No. No. Just Fatty.
133
00:08:12,655 --> 00:08:14,073
Yeah.
134
00:08:14,073 --> 00:08:15,865
Pig? No.
135
00:08:15,865 --> 00:08:17,448
Piggy? No.
136
00:08:17,448 --> 00:08:20,117
SHE SHOUTS: Pigs in space!
137
00:08:20,117 --> 00:08:21,866
No!
138
00:08:21,866 --> 00:08:24,450
No. No. Jabba the Hutt?
139
00:08:24,450 --> 00:08:26,910
No. No. Tub of shit?
140
00:08:28,286 --> 00:08:29,911
Once. Once.
141
00:08:29,911 --> 00:08:31,745
Babar the Elephant?
142
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,329
No. No.
143
00:08:33,329 --> 00:08:35,329
Ooh! Barry White?
144
00:08:35,329 --> 00:08:36,704
No.
145
00:08:36,704 --> 00:08:38,746
No. You're not black, are you?
146
00:08:38,746 --> 00:08:40,998
No. No.
147
00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,623
He's not black, no.
148
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:44,749
Just fat.
149
00:08:44,749 --> 00:08:46,165
Jabba the Hutt?
150
00:08:46,165 --> 00:08:50,125
You already said that one.
Anyone else got any suggestions?
151
00:08:50,125 --> 00:08:52,000
No?
152
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:55,208
Come on! Oh, you're no fun, you lot!
153
00:08:55,208 --> 00:08:58,002
So just Fatty.
Yeah. They just called me Fatty.
154
00:08:58,002 --> 00:09:00,668
Yeah. Yeah. They just called him
Fatty.
155
00:09:00,668 --> 00:09:03,337
That's what they called him - Fatty.
Didn't they?
156
00:09:03,337 --> 00:09:06,712
Fatty. Hmm? Hmm? Fatty!
157
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:09,962
Hmm? Hmm? FATTY! Hmm? Hmm?
158
00:09:09,962 --> 00:09:14,131
IN COCKNEY ACCENT:
Yer fat, fat, Fatty!
Oi! Oi! Awright, Fatty?
159
00:09:14,131 --> 00:09:18,133
IN SOUTHERN DRAWL: Man, you fat!
You a Fatty! You a Fatty!
160
00:09:18,133 --> 00:09:23,342
Yeah. Kids can be so cruel.
What about the teachers?
What did they call you?
161
00:09:23,342 --> 00:09:27,383
They never called me any names. They
would've. Just not to your face.
162
00:09:27,383 --> 00:09:31,011
Leave Tony alone.
Sorry... Sorry, what was that?
163
00:09:31,011 --> 00:09:33,594
Leave Tony alone.
No, do it again.
164
00:09:33,594 --> 00:09:35,928
Leave Tony alone.
Do it again.
165
00:09:35,928 --> 00:09:38,220
Leave Tony alone. Do it again.
166
00:09:38,220 --> 00:09:40,305
Leave Tony alone. Do it again.
167
00:09:42,472 --> 00:09:45,432
Leave Tony alone.
I can't understand. Do it again.
168
00:09:45,432 --> 00:09:47,889
Leave Tony alone. Do it again.
169
00:09:49,390 --> 00:09:53,767
Leave Tony alone.
Oh! Yeah, about a quarter to nine.
170
00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:55,391
OK?
171
00:09:58,518 --> 00:10:01,601
Right, where were we?
172
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,311
Oh, yeah.
Man, you fat! Fatty, Fatty, Fatty!
173
00:10:04,311 --> 00:10:07,937
You know, you shouldn't be speaking
to Tony like that.
174
00:10:07,937 --> 00:10:11,147
You ain't so slim yourself. Yeah!
175
00:10:11,147 --> 00:10:14,772
Do it again.
She's just a bully.
176
00:10:14,772 --> 00:10:19,357
What did they call YOU at school?
They called me Marjorie, actually.
177
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:23,483
Or Beautiful Marjorie.
Or Princess Gorgeous.
178
00:10:23,483 --> 00:10:25,233
Now get back to your seat, please.
179
00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:26,775
FATTY!
180
00:10:29,819 --> 00:10:33,610
We continue our journey
at this hospital in Pennsylvania.
181
00:10:33,610 --> 00:10:36,110
The health service is free
in Britain.
182
00:10:36,110 --> 00:10:39,321
If you want to develop
secondary infections in America,
183
00:10:39,321 --> 00:10:41,154
you have to pay for them.
184
00:11:08,662 --> 00:11:11,454
Oh, for fuck's sake!
185
00:11:23,041 --> 00:11:27,333
I have an appointment
to see the cardiologist.
186
00:11:27,333 --> 00:11:30,625
My name is Peter Beale.
187
00:11:33,044 --> 00:11:34,294
Computer says no.
188
00:11:36,127 --> 00:11:38,878
Apparently, you're already dead.
189
00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:41,837
That must be a mistake.
190
00:11:44,172 --> 00:11:45,547
Dead.
191
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,052
MOVE!
192
00:12:10,804 --> 00:12:16,055
One thing that's very popular in our
country is transvestism. In fact,
193
00:12:16,055 --> 00:12:19,681
I'm wearing bra and knickers
right now. Man, it feels good!
194
00:12:22,807 --> 00:12:27,932
It's this man's lucky night,
as transvestite Emily Howard
has arrived.
195
00:12:27,932 --> 00:12:30,433
Oh-ho-ho! You must be Leo!
196
00:12:30,433 --> 00:12:32,810
Oh, you must be Emily.
197
00:12:32,810 --> 00:12:36,227
Yes, I'm Emily.
Emily Howard - a lady.
198
00:12:39,143 --> 00:12:42,894
Well, this is rather jolly, isn't it?
199
00:12:42,894 --> 00:12:46,521
I've never been on a blind date
before. I'm pleasantly surprised.
200
00:12:46,521 --> 00:12:49,731
Yes. I, too, am...surprised.
201
00:12:49,731 --> 00:12:50,981
Good evening.
202
00:12:52,065 --> 00:12:53,773
Gentlemen.
203
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,358
Are we, er...ready to order?
204
00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:58,983
Um, yes. I eat like a bird.
205
00:12:58,983 --> 00:13:03,442
I'll have a large steak, please,
rare, with, um...a portion of fries.
206
00:13:03,442 --> 00:13:04,942
It comes with fries.
207
00:13:04,942 --> 00:13:08,151
Yes. I'd like extra fries, please.
Right.
208
00:13:08,151 --> 00:13:10,735
And you, sir? Er...oh.
209
00:13:10,735 --> 00:13:14,987
I'm actually not that hungry
any more.
I'll just have the green salad.
210
00:13:14,987 --> 00:13:16,613
Very good, gentlemen.
211
00:13:16,613 --> 00:13:18,322
I'm a lady!
212
00:13:18,322 --> 00:13:20,573
Oh, chin-chin.
213
00:13:27,157 --> 00:13:28,240
Ah!
214
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:31,533
Let me tell you a little bit
about myself.
215
00:13:31,533 --> 00:13:35,533
I'm a lady and I do ladies' things,
like attend luncheons
216
00:13:35,533 --> 00:13:38,578
and society balls
and the opera and...
217
00:13:38,578 --> 00:13:39,911
shit.
218
00:13:39,911 --> 00:13:42,370
Well, do excuse me.
219
00:13:42,370 --> 00:13:45,454
I must just go and powder my nose.
220
00:13:47,121 --> 00:13:49,037
Oh!
221
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:51,789
Silly mistake. I am a lady.
222
00:13:54,957 --> 00:13:57,833
Won't be long, lover boy!
223
00:14:05,292 --> 00:14:06,585
Oh!
224
00:14:06,585 --> 00:14:09,085
Taking me home already, are we?
225
00:14:09,085 --> 00:14:11,461
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
226
00:14:11,461 --> 00:14:13,044
Naughty!
227
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:19,462
BRAKES SQUEAL
228
00:14:27,172 --> 00:14:28,883
Well, this is me.
229
00:14:28,883 --> 00:14:31,592
So...do you want to come in
for coffee?
230
00:14:31,592 --> 00:14:33,633
Oh, I'd love to,
231
00:14:33,633 --> 00:14:36,009
but, er...I really don't want to.
232
00:14:42,177 --> 00:14:44,969
You can post the wig back to me!
233
00:14:46,471 --> 00:14:50,513
British people love to holiday
in the United States.
234
00:14:50,513 --> 00:14:52,722
Fraternising with Americans
235
00:14:52,722 --> 00:14:57,348
gives them a great sense of moral
and intellectual superiority.
236
00:14:57,348 --> 00:15:01,057
For this British couple,
their holiday is coming to an end.
237
00:15:04,225 --> 00:15:06,559
Flight delayed.
HE LAUGHS
238
00:15:06,559 --> 00:15:12,103
And I could go and ask the girl
but she'll tell us
to keep looking at the screens,
239
00:15:12,103 --> 00:15:14,769
which we are doing.
240
00:15:17,311 --> 00:15:19,355
So...
241
00:15:19,355 --> 00:15:22,813
I mean, some people are boarding,
just not us.
242
00:15:22,813 --> 00:15:25,231
Quebec, boarding.
243
00:15:25,231 --> 00:15:28,732
Rio de Janeiro, boarding.
244
00:15:28,732 --> 00:15:31,815
Beijing, boarding.
245
00:15:31,815 --> 00:15:34,982
Barcelona, last call.
246
00:15:34,982 --> 00:15:38,150
I mean, that's saying if you're
planning to go to Barcelona,
247
00:15:38,150 --> 00:15:42,485
you'd better get your skates on,
cos that really is the last call.
HE LAUGHS
248
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,486
So...
249
00:15:57,448 --> 00:15:59,907
Might get another cup of tea.
Do you want one?
250
00:16:00,949 --> 00:16:02,490
No, best not.
251
00:16:02,490 --> 00:16:05,950
Your bladder's not what it was.
252
00:16:05,950 --> 00:16:08,283
And your arse has given up
as well, innit?
253
00:16:11,201 --> 00:16:12,659
So...
254
00:16:17,620 --> 00:16:19,121
So...
255
00:16:19,121 --> 00:16:22,829
WOMAN OVER LOUDSPEAKER:
British Airways flight
to London Heathrow
256
00:16:22,829 --> 00:16:24,121
boarding now at Gate 15.
257
00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:30,373
Come on, you BLEEP.
258
00:16:35,290 --> 00:16:39,001
Welsh student Dafydd Thomas
is a homosexual.
259
00:16:39,001 --> 00:16:42,834
I used to be homosexual
but I had to give it up.
260
00:16:42,834 --> 00:16:45,293
It made my eyes water.
261
00:16:45,293 --> 00:16:47,378
The man's an inspiration.
262
00:16:47,378 --> 00:16:49,921
RHYTHMIC CREAKING
263
00:16:52,295 --> 00:16:54,421
Will you be quiet?
264
00:16:54,421 --> 00:16:56,588
MOANING AND RHYTHMIC CREAKING
265
00:16:56,588 --> 00:16:59,547
Excuse me, there's a gay man
trying to sleep in here!
266
00:17:00,839 --> 00:17:02,673
Oh, for God's sake!
267
00:17:05,299 --> 00:17:07,591
Make way for the gay.
268
00:17:08,508 --> 00:17:12,676
Come on, open up, please. This
is Dafydd, the gay from next door.
269
00:17:12,676 --> 00:17:14,136
Open up, please.
270
00:17:14,136 --> 00:17:15,343
What?
271
00:17:15,343 --> 00:17:17,261
Oh, look at you!
Cover up, woman, it's obscene!
272
00:17:17,261 --> 00:17:19,677
Is there a problem?
273
00:17:19,677 --> 00:17:23,345
Yes. There is a problem.
I am trying to sleep next door
274
00:17:23,345 --> 00:17:25,721
but I cannot because
you and your boyfriend are -
275
00:17:25,721 --> 00:17:28,096
and excuse my language - making love.
276
00:17:28,096 --> 00:17:32,723
What's going on, honey? I shall
tell you, sir, what's going on.
277
00:17:32,723 --> 00:17:35,099
Did you just call me sir? Yeah.
278
00:17:35,099 --> 00:17:39,224
I'm a woman.
279
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:41,935
Oh, my God! You mean you're...?
280
00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:44,184
Lesbians. Yeah.
281
00:17:44,184 --> 00:17:45,518
Ugh!
282
00:17:45,518 --> 00:17:46,727
Ugh!
283
00:17:46,727 --> 00:17:49,603
I'm sorry,
is there a problem with that?
284
00:17:49,603 --> 00:17:53,020
Yes. I do have a problem with that.
I am the only gay on campus.
285
00:17:53,020 --> 00:17:56,397
No, I don't think so. We're gay too.
286
00:17:56,397 --> 00:17:59,272
You're lesbians.
That doesn't really count, does it?
287
00:17:59,272 --> 00:18:00,814
BOTH: Yes.
288
00:18:00,814 --> 00:18:04,066
It's not proper gay, though.
I mean, what do you even do?
289
00:18:04,066 --> 00:18:07,067
It's just a bit of minge munching,
isn't it?
290
00:18:07,067 --> 00:18:08,607
"Minge munching"?
291
00:18:08,607 --> 00:18:11,567
Look. There's no need to be lesbian.
You could get a boyfriend.
292
00:18:11,567 --> 00:18:14,109
You couldn't. How dare you?!
293
00:18:14,109 --> 00:18:16,610
I'm no lesbiphobic,
294
00:18:16,610 --> 00:18:20,153
but if you wanna sit around all day
watching reruns
of Xena: Warrior Princess
295
00:18:20,153 --> 00:18:22,654
and not shaving your legs,
that's your business.
296
00:18:22,654 --> 00:18:28,155
But I do need my sleep,
so please, just for tonight,
no more licky-licky.
297
00:18:31,573 --> 00:18:35,031
This is the neighbourhood
of retired astronaut Bing Gordon,
298
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,489
the eighth man on the moon.
299
00:18:36,489 --> 00:18:39,741
Britain has sent hundreds
of people to the moon.
300
00:18:39,741 --> 00:18:43,201
We just choose not to go on
about it. We are not arrogant.
301
00:18:43,201 --> 00:18:45,576
You must be Dean.
Uh-huh. Yes, sir.
302
00:18:45,576 --> 00:18:46,868
Come on in.
303
00:18:55,328 --> 00:18:56,663
That's right, sir.
304
00:18:56,663 --> 00:18:59,205
Well, you've come to the right place!
305
00:18:59,205 --> 00:19:03,622
Pretty neat, huh? Well, that's me
taking my first steps on the moon.
306
00:19:03,622 --> 00:19:05,457
Take a seat. Take a seat. Thank you.
307
00:19:05,457 --> 00:19:10,124
Another one of me, um, on the moon.
That's me also on that moon.
308
00:19:10,124 --> 00:19:13,459
Oh, huh, that's me on Carson
meeting James Bond himself.
309
00:19:13,459 --> 00:19:15,542
George Lazenby.
310
00:19:15,542 --> 00:19:18,543
And you say you were
the ninth man on the moon?
311
00:19:18,543 --> 00:19:18,626
Eighth man on the moon. Eighth man!
312
00:19:18,626 --> 00:19:21,335
Who the hell was the ninth?!
It's quite a collection!
313
00:19:25,086 --> 00:19:30,838
Thanks.
Well, when a guy goes to the moon,
people don't let you forget about it.
314
00:19:30,838 --> 00:19:34,715
Yeah, I'll bet.
So, what's the title of your thesis?
315
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:38,840
Oh, it's called
An American Conspiracy:
How The Moon Landings Were Faked.
316
00:19:43,467 --> 00:19:44,633
OK.
317
00:19:46,009 --> 00:19:47,968
OK.
318
00:19:47,968 --> 00:19:50,177
OK.
319
00:19:50,177 --> 00:19:52,678
Hey, would you like glass of water
or some Tang or...?
320
00:19:52,678 --> 00:19:54,552
Sure, I'll have some water.
321
00:19:57,762 --> 00:20:00,387
HE MUTTERS:
Guy wants a glass of water...
322
00:20:11,183 --> 00:20:16,184
So the moon landings didn't happen?
Uh, it's just a theory.
323
00:20:16,184 --> 00:20:18,310
All the moon landings? Uh...
324
00:20:18,310 --> 00:20:20,768
Cos if you're saying the first one
didn't happen, then fine,
325
00:20:20,768 --> 00:20:22,436
cos that would make me
the sixth man on the moon.
326
00:20:22,436 --> 00:20:25,979
Actually, I was going to suggest
ALL the moon landings were faked.
327
00:20:27,145 --> 00:20:31,021
Listen to me, asshole.
I went to the moon, OK?
328
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:32,980
I went to the moon.
329
00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:36,856
It was real cold, the food was
horrible, I threw up in my helmet.
330
00:20:36,856 --> 00:20:39,565
So I'm not having some RETARD
331
00:20:39,565 --> 00:20:44,274
from the University of RETARDS
telling me I didn't go to the moon!
332
00:20:44,274 --> 00:20:46,609
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
333
00:20:46,609 --> 00:20:49,610
So, what are you gonna write
in your little essay?
334
00:20:49,610 --> 00:20:52,902
That the moon landings
definitely did happen.
335
00:20:52,902 --> 00:20:54,152
And?
336
00:20:54,152 --> 00:20:57,821
And that you were the best guy
who went there.
337
00:20:57,821 --> 00:21:00,530
Really?
338
00:21:00,530 --> 00:21:02,654
Run!
339
00:21:09,364 --> 00:21:12,740
I went to the goddamn moon!
GUNSHOT
340
00:21:14,825 --> 00:21:16,492
Moon stuff.
341
00:21:20,577 --> 00:21:24,828
Another nondescript state
in this God-awful country is Ohio,
342
00:21:24,828 --> 00:21:28,704
where this American couple have been
playing host to their British
relatives.
343
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,330
I'm making some coffee.
You want anything?
344
00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:31,954
HE SIGHS
Bitty.
345
00:21:31,954 --> 00:21:33,706
Oh, come on, what do you want?
346
00:21:33,706 --> 00:21:37,247
Bitty, I want bitty.
HE CHUCKLES
347
00:21:38,914 --> 00:21:41,582
Who breastfeeds at 25?!
348
00:21:41,582 --> 00:21:43,165
THEY LAUGH
Good morning.
349
00:21:43,165 --> 00:21:44,373
BOTH: Oh...
350
00:21:44,373 --> 00:21:45,458
I didn't see you there.
351
00:21:45,458 --> 00:21:47,459
Obviously.
352
00:21:47,459 --> 00:21:51,667
I'm sorry. We...we were just... So
that's how you feel about us, is it?
353
00:21:51,667 --> 00:21:54,669
That we're some sort of a joke?
354
00:21:54,669 --> 00:22:00,713
No, no, not at all. It's just...
It's just the whole bitty thing is,
well, weird.
355
00:22:00,713 --> 00:22:03,296
Oh, we're "weird", are we?
356
00:22:03,296 --> 00:22:07,714
Well, I'm sorry we ever darkened
your door! We're leaving!
357
00:22:09,256 --> 00:22:10,965
Celia?
358
00:22:17,508 --> 00:22:19,550
CELIA: Yes?
359
00:22:19,550 --> 00:22:22,010
We wanted to say sorry.
360
00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:25,552
Right.
361
00:22:25,552 --> 00:22:26,969
We really don't want you to go.
362
00:22:28,302 --> 00:22:30,804
Thank you.
363
00:22:30,804 --> 00:22:32,928
Well, Harvey and Gerald
are terribly upset.
364
00:22:32,928 --> 00:22:35,555
You'd better apologise to them, too.
Oh, of course.
365
00:22:46,265 --> 00:22:50,558
One thing that irritates
British people about Americans
366
00:22:50,558 --> 00:22:55,560
is that they can't even spell.
Look at that sign! Peasants...!
367
00:22:57,685 --> 00:23:00,479
So, uh, how'd your eye surgery go?
368
00:23:00,479 --> 00:23:04,979
Oh, I, uh...I kinda
lied to you about that, bud.
369
00:23:04,979 --> 00:23:09,731
I didn't have an operation on
my eye. I...I had one on my dick.
370
00:23:09,731 --> 00:23:11,106
Your dick? Yeah.
371
00:23:11,106 --> 00:23:12,774
I had a penis-enlargement operation.
372
00:23:12,774 --> 00:23:16,066
But dude, your dick was epic.
I know. I know!
373
00:23:16,066 --> 00:23:18,107
I just wanted it that little bit
bigger.
374
00:23:18,107 --> 00:23:20,775
Can I see it?
I would love you to see it.
375
00:23:20,775 --> 00:23:22,108
Thank you.
376
00:23:27,943 --> 00:23:29,528
That is a monster.
377
00:23:29,528 --> 00:23:31,237
I know!
378
00:23:31,237 --> 00:23:33,862
You should do porn.
I'm thinking about it.
379
00:23:33,862 --> 00:23:35,988
Do you think any woman
could accommodate that?
380
00:23:35,988 --> 00:23:39,405
I don't know, but I'm sure as hell
gonna have fun finding out!
381
00:23:39,405 --> 00:23:41,031
Way to go!
382
00:23:42,865 --> 00:23:45,323
I actually had an operation
like that last week.
383
00:23:45,323 --> 00:23:48,366
But your dick was, like,
the biggest dick that ever lived.
384
00:23:48,366 --> 00:23:51,408
I know. But I always had that nagging
feeling it could be a little bigger.
385
00:23:51,408 --> 00:23:52,659
May I see it?
386
00:23:52,659 --> 00:23:55,785
I would be honoured and privileged
for you to see it.
387
00:23:55,785 --> 00:23:59,370
Thank you. No. Thank you.
388
00:24:02,911 --> 00:24:04,286
Ooh.
389
00:24:04,286 --> 00:24:06,163
Uh, that's, a...
390
00:24:06,163 --> 00:24:09,497
Yeah, the surgery went
a little wrong,
391
00:24:09,497 --> 00:24:13,581
so they said, "Is it OK if we make it
into a vagina?" So I said, "Sure."
392
00:24:15,706 --> 00:24:17,457
That's a nice vagina, man.
393
00:24:17,707 --> 00:24:19,332
Hey, thanks, man.
394
00:24:19,332 --> 00:24:21,416
Should we go take a shower?
395
00:24:21,416 --> 00:24:24,501
Yeah. Oh, I should probably
use the ladies'.
396
00:24:24,501 --> 00:24:25,585
Sure. Yeah.
397
00:24:29,753 --> 00:24:34,253
At their motel in Mississippi,
Lou has returned with Andy's lunch.
398
00:24:36,379 --> 00:24:38,880
Andy? Morning.
399
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,881
Where did you get that?
400
00:24:40,881 --> 00:24:43,839
You know the old lady
who stays at the motel?
401
00:24:43,839 --> 00:24:44,964
Yeah...
402
00:24:44,964 --> 00:24:46,548
She gave it to me. Really?
403
00:24:50,175 --> 00:24:51,758
Yeah.
404
00:24:51,758 --> 00:24:54,509
Oh! Where are you going?
405
00:24:54,509 --> 00:24:57,717
Out. What about me?
406
00:24:57,717 --> 00:25:01,635
Don't need you any more.
You don't need me any more?
407
00:25:01,635 --> 00:25:03,887
No. Not now I got this.
408
00:25:08,555 --> 00:25:10,513
Bye, Andy!
409
00:25:10,513 --> 00:25:11,971
Bye, Len!
410
00:25:11,971 --> 00:25:18,348
It's Lou!
411
00:25:18,348 --> 00:25:21,807
ELECTRICAL CRACKLING
412
00:25:26,850 --> 00:25:29,185
Lo-o-o-ou?
413
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:31,811
Yes, Andy?
414
00:25:33,228 --> 00:25:34,687
Help me.
415
00:25:39,063 --> 00:25:42,979
HE PANTS
416
00:25:53,233 --> 00:25:55,441
STRAINING AND PANTING
417
00:25:59,150 --> 00:26:01,611
I love you. Yeah, I know.
418
00:26:08,112 --> 00:26:13,988
And so this extraordinary television
series has come to an end,
419
00:26:13,988 --> 00:26:17,322
the series that brought the people
of our great nations
420
00:26:17,322 --> 00:26:22,908
even closer together. In fact, our
relationship has become so strong
421
00:26:22,908 --> 00:26:26,409
that surely it is time to bomb the
hell out of the rest of the world.
422
00:26:26,409 --> 00:26:30,160
Come on. Let's do it!
423
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:32,202
You go first. Goodbye!
424
00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000
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