Original subtitles

- ♪

- It was a moonlit night when I was picking flowers

for Mother.

But then, I was locked in a cottage by a witch!

- Cut, cut, cut.

Stuart, I love what you're doing,

the rustling the branches made you seem like a real tree.

- Oh, I just had an itch, but thanks.

- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Ivy, I love what you're doing, but you're the star of the play,

and this is the opening line,

you've gotta do something more dramatic

to grab the audience.

Like, what if your character walks out on stage...and dies?

- It's the first line of the play,

I kinda have to be alive for the rest of the show.

- So then your character can come back to life...

as a zombie!

[babbling]

- Excuse me, hi! Who are you?

- This is my little brother, Leaf, don't mind him.

- I'm just trying to give Ivy some pointers

to jazz up the beginning of the show.

- Well, I am the director of this humble theater,

so I'll do the jazzing up.

- [chuckles] Actually, I'm a director, too.

I don't like to name-drop,

but I do all the Arthur the Pig videos.

You may be familiar with his action-adventure film

"Ham on a Lam."

- I am not familiar. - Hmm.

- Nor do I intend to ever become so.

- Guys, this is the first theater performance

Ivy Cares has ever done,

and I really want it to be great,

so can we get back to rehearsing?

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

- And I'm happy to help out, but I don't even have a line,

do I really need to be in full costume for rehearsal?

- No, you don't need to be.

You must be! - Ooh.

- Thanks to Ivy Cares, this play will pay

for the children's theater program.

So everything, from the lead to the trees

must be sublime.

Everything sublime, everything sublime. Action.

- But then...I was locked in a cottage...by a witch!

- Cut! - I call cut! Cut!

Why are we calling cut?

- I noticed you haven't cast a witch yet.

- Well, the witch is just a metaphor

for the maiden's fear of the unknown.

- Uh-huh.

Or, you could get someone famous to play the witch.

- Ooh, I've always wanted to work with a celebrity.

- Who were you thinking?

"Bey-onc-aye"? Lady "Ga-Ga"?

- Better.

- He's magnificent!

- Great, so how much will he get paid?

- Uh, this is a charity performance,

no one's getting paid.

- Ooh, this is embarrassing but--

- ARTHUR: [snorts] - --Arthur just remembered

he's...busy.

- ♪

- Hey, Dad, here's your tickets for our play.

Thanks for helping Ivy Cares support the children's theater.

- Hey, I hope these tickets come with sunglasses,

'cause my baby's star is gonna shine too bright.

- Oh, and wait until you see Stuart as a tree.

- I'm supposed to be an elm,

but I'm kinda playing it like a maple.

- Good choice, can't wait to see you kids on stage.

- Ooh!

Your face is a cookie. - Well, I'm passing those out

as part of my campaign for neighborhood watch captain.

- Oh.

[spits]

Ugh, there are raisins in these.

- What else would you put in a sugarless whole wheat cookie?

- Are you even legally allowed to call this a cookie?

- Well, I made a bunch of other stuff, too.

Pens, stickers, even made a campaign video.

Check it out.

Oh! Hey, there.

It's your neighbor, Lewis.

Some of you may recognize me as last year's

corn chowder cook-off winner.

I believe a watch captain should always be watching.

No crime here.

Although someone needs to trim their hedges...

Mr. Needleman.

And remember.

Who's that guy looking in your window?

It's me. Lewis.

What do you think, kids?

Do you like it or do you love it?

- Are those the only two choices?

- Hey, kids, guess who's running for neighborhood watch captain?

I'll give you a hint, it's me.

- You? Please.

Only thing you ever ran for is the ice cream truck.

- That's his favorite exercise.

- And you're only running because I am.

Why do you always copy me? - That's not true.

You're the one who's always copying me.

Like that time I got chickenpox, and you just had

to get chickenpox too.

- I didn't want the chickenpox, you gave 'em to me.

And what makes you think

you'll be a great watch captain, anyway?

- Glad you asked.

It's right here in my campaign video.

Oh, hello. [chuckles]

I'm Clark, and I'm the candidate for neighborhood watch captain

that you can trust.

But what about my opponent, Lewis?

He claims to watch the neighborhood,

but what's he really doing at 3 a.m.?

Sleeping?

And how's Lewis gonna watch your house during the day,

when he's constantly leaving the neighborhood to go to work?

As your neighborhood watch captain,

I promise to never go to work.

Why vote for me? [chuckles]

Because I'm not Lewis.

This ad for Clark brought to you by Clark,

paid by Lewis's credit card.

- Seriously, Clark?

- Hey, it's not personal, it's politics.

- What's all this talk about crime?

Should we be worried? - We're perfectly safe.

We're just taking some extra precautions to make sure

everything stays that way.

That's why when I'm watch captain,

I'll make sure every home has a security system.

- Actually, when I'm watch captain,

I wanna do the same thing, 'cause that's a great idea.

- Huh, aren't home security systems expensive?

- Yes, but you can't put a price tag on peace of mind.

- Or can you?

- Ooh, face cookies.

[spits]

Ugh, raisins?

Another reason not to vote for Lewis.

- ♪

- Are you kidding?! - DIRECTOR: I don't kid, Ivy.

Our play is officially sold out.

- That's so great! - It's not great.

It's magnificent.

- Stuart, did you hear all that? - Ooh, careful where you step.

I'm working on my new home security system.

- Wow, I should've known something was up

when you got that inventing look in your eyes

and kept saying, "I'm gonna be rich."

- I only say that because... I'm gonna be rich.

And do you know what sets my security system

apart from the competition?

- It was designed by a 12-year-old

who knows nothing about security systems?

- That, and most systems are designed

to keep robbers out, but mine traps robbers in.

- Smart, so that way they get caught

before they can rob anyone else.

- Exactly, and the best part is

you can operate it all on your phone.

- Look what your uncle Clark did to my campaign poster.

- "Vote for Lewis's brother, Clark"?

- Dad, you actually look cool with a pointy beard.

You should grow one.

- But you should keep your teeth.

- Wait, don't step--

--there.

- [laughing] Lewis, you look ridiculous in that net.

Hey! Why are there nets falling on everybody?

- [laughs]

- Sorry, just testing out my new security system.

- Well, it works.

- ♪

♪ Hey, hey, wee!

♪

♪ Hey, hey, wee! ♪

- ♪

- Stuart, why aren't you getting ready for the play?!

- Uh, because the play doesn't start for three hours?

- Wrong, two hours and 59 minutes.

So, chop chop!

Sorry, I'm just really excited.

I wanna get there early to make sure everything goes perfectly.

- I get it, I know how important

this Ivy Cares theater fundraiser is to you.

- Fundraiser's great, but also, I'm the star of the play!

- [laughs] I'll be ready in one sec,

I just need to finish programming the master remote

and my security system will be complete.

- Great, I'm just gonna practice my first line.

Tell me which one of these you like the best.

It was a moonlit night.

It "was" a moonlight night!

It was a "moonlit" night!

- They all...sound good.

And I finished, so we can go now. Chop-chop!

- Is everyone ready to go? - Ha! Absolutely.

Can't wait to see my baby in the...starring role.

- Yeah, and Stuart as the tree.

Someone has to represent the foliage.

- ARTHUR: [squeals] - Arthur's excited, too.

He loves the theater.

Ivy, I've been thinking of ways

to make your opening line more dramatic.

Question. Can you water ski?

- Not in these shoes.

Alright, let's get going.

- Ooh, since we're all going to be out of the house,

this is the perfect time

to do a test run on my new security system.

- SYSTEM VOICE: The system will activate in three, two, one.

- Why are there bars on the window?

- Why is this door blocked off? - Stuart, what's happening?

- Okay! You're asking some good questions,

and I have the answer to all of them, which is...

I think we're trapped.

- SYSTEM VOICE: Ah! Gotcha, robber! You're trapped!

- Yep, definitely trapped.

- The security system thinks we're the robbers.

- I know what happened, I only gave us three seconds

to get out of the house before the motion sensors went on,

turns out that is not enough time! [laughs]

And this is why you do a test.

- And why did you even put bars in front of the laundry room?

- To keep robbers from escaping

through the hallway or the garage.

And to keep them from doing laundry.

- Hey, maybe we can still get out the front door.

- Oh, yeah. Come on, come on.

- Please be open, please be open, please be open.

It's not open.

- Guys, all the windows and doors are blocked off,

there's no way out.

- You invented the security system, turn it off.

- Well, I can't, because our phones don't work.

See?

I designed the system to jam

all phone signals inside the house,

so the burglars couldn't call their burglar friends for help.

- Pretty smart, good thinking, son.

- Yeah, if you're trapping burglars and not your family.

- Not smart. What were you thinking, son?!

- Wait! There's an emergency off-switch on the master remote.

- You mean the one you showed me in the garage,

which we have no way of getting to?

- Yeah, that's the one.

- So we're stuck here? Forever?!

Breathe, Arthur, breathe.

- We can't miss the play. - I know, you're the star.

- No, Stuart, this play was supposed to pay

for the entire children's theater program!

But, yes, I also happen to be the star.

- Don't worry, when an alarm system goes off,

it alerts emergency services.

Once they get here, they'll be able to help us out.

- Right, alerting emergency services...

is a function that I did not add.

- Yes, Ivy and Tree Number One are late,

but there's no need to panic.

Because I'm sure they're-- straight to voicemail...again.

And we're panicking,

we're panicking, we're panicking.

We're panicking!

- Clark!

Will you please help me? - No!

We need to accept the fact that we're trapped here forever

and start rationing out our food in order to survive.

Now, the way I see it,

we each get eight Penguin Puffs a day.

- You're being ridiculous, Clark.

We're not rationing out food.

- You're right, every man for himself.

- I meant we're not gonna be here that long.

- We're never gonna get out of here.

- What about the secret passageway?

- There's a secret passageway?! - How would I know?

It's a secret.

- Stuart, look, the chimney.

- Yeah! The chimney doesn't have any bars,

and it leads straight out of the house.

- Oh, I get it, we wait for Santa Claus to come

at Christmastime, and then he breaks us out!

Santa's the best!

- I'm not waiting for Santa.

If the chimney is big enough, my dad can climb up

and get us out of here.

- Just in time, too,

the play's supposed to start soon.

- [grunts] Huh, I see something moving. Santa?

- [bat squeaking] - Whoa!

- ALL: [screaming]

- ARTHUR: [squealing]

- If you have to take one of us, take me!

Arthur must live!

- Ivy, get the bat out of here!

- Aren't you gonna help? - Here, help me.

- Shoo, bat! Shoo, bat! Shoo, bat! Shoo, bat! Shoo!

This whole day has been a disaster.

- On the bright side,

at least we got the bat out of here.

- There's a bat! [screaming]

- [bat squeaking]

- ♪

- ♪

- I don't know how much longer I can go without food and water.

Is the bat still in the kitchen?

- We literally just got it in there.

- And didn't you just eat an entire box of Penguin Puffs?

- That was minutes ago.

Ugh, I'm still hungry.

I'm going in.

- Uh... - I wouldn't--I wouldn't--Dad--

- [bat squeaks]

- The bat found a way out! - That's it!

If a bat can fit through the bars, then so can Arthur!

- Luckily, he's been working out lately.

- Okay, so the plan is we use this camera and microphone

to guide Arthur into the garage.

All he has to do is push the off button on my master remote,

and we're saved.

- Do you think he'll be able to do it?

- Puh-lease, Arthur's been trained to hang-glide, surf,

and conduct an orchestra, I think he can push a button.

- He also confuses my shoe for a litter box.

- Well, our lives are now in the hooves

of a three-pound farm animal.

- [snorting]

- He made it into the garage! - Great job, Arthur.

- [snorting]

- That's Arthur's friend, Sally.

- [snorting]

- Maybe they're more than just friends.

Go find the remote, Arthur.

- [snorting]

- LEAF: Not that one.

- I think I left it on the table.

Go to the table, Arthur.

Come on, buddy.

- IVY: Please. - LEAF: Come on, hurry up.

- STUART: Now, over there to your left.

- IVY: Which one is it?

- The one with the big red button.

- [snorting]

- ♪

- STUART: Not that one.

- LEAF: Push the red one! - IVY: Not that one!

- [indistinct talking]

- IVY: Not that one! The red one!

- [indistinct talking]

- STUART: Yes, that one.

- [toilet flushs]

- That's the one, Arthur!

- SYSTEM VOICE: System deactivated.

- Yeah! We did it! Good job! - ALL: [cheering]

- We're free! Free!

- Okay, now we gotta get to the theater.

- [phones dinging]

- Ooh, my phone's working again.

I got a bunch of text messages.

The neighborhood watch election results are in.

Our new neighborhood watch captain is...

Clark. - Ha! I won!

♪ I won! I won!

In your face, Lewis.

- Congrats, now, can we go?

- "Congratulations, Clark, on being elected watch captain.

We'll see you at our weekly meetings."

Wait, weekly meetings?!

- What did you expect?

- I thought I'd be like a local celebrity.

But...meet every week and do a bunch of stuff?

Pfft, pass. Lewis, you can be watch captain.

- Ha! ♪ I won, I won

In your...face, Clark!

- Okay, we gotta go, the play starts in six minutes.

If we hurry, we might be able to get there on time.

- Okay, I set the security system

to give us more time to exit.

- SYSTEM VOICE: The system will activate in...one.

- Oops, I turned it the wrong way.

Arthur, will you push the button again, please?

- [toilet flushing]

- Nope, the red button.

- ♪

- Okay, we have just under five minutes to get to the play.

- If we're gonna make it, we've gotta drive really fast.

- Arthur can drive, he once played a race car driver

in one of my movies.

- I'll drive, nobody's faster than me.

I've gotten 15 speeding tickets this year.

- And that's exactly why I'll be driving.

- Okay, let's go!

Four minutes, let's go!

- Okay, I'll get us right there.

Everyone, check your seatbelts.

And let me adjust my mirrors. - [groans]

- And make sure my blinkers are working.

- Ugh! - Left. Right.

- [groaning] - Let's go!

- Are you sure Arthur can't drive?

- I mean, he's right here. - Here we go. Hang on, everyone.

- ♪ Ivy...where are you?

♪ Ivy

- KIDS: Go faster! Go faster! - [cars honking]

- The speed limit is 35 miles per hour.

- Then why are you going 15?!

- Dad! A guy on a skateboard just passed us!

- The play starts in one minute, we're not gonna make it!

- Yes, we will, the theater is right down the road.

- Just drop us off at the backstage door and we'll run in.

- It's right there! Go, go! - Come on! You gotta go faster!

- Go faster! - Everyone, stop yelling! Okay?!

- You drive like an old person! - Stop yelling!

Before you make me--

- ALL: [screaming]

- [tires screeching]

- [wall bursting]

- Now that was a dramatic entrance.

- My car! - Should've let me drive.

- Maybe they didn't notice.

Oh, and, by the way, I'm a tree.

- It was a moonlit night

when I was picking flowers for mother,

but then I was locked in a cottage by a witch!

- Magnificent!

- [applause]

- Brava, brava. - You're a star.

- [applause]

- ♪

- ♪

♪ Wee!

♪

♪ Hey!

♪

♪ Wee! ♪

- ♪