Original subtitles

- ♪

- [music on TV plays]

- Hey, Ivy. Wanna join us?

We're watching "Chef Battle: Toddler Edition."

- They can't walk. They can't talk.

But they sure can cook.

- Back from hockey practice already?

- It was canceled.

Coach had the new equipment and uniforms in his trailer,

which apparently wasn't properly hitched to the back of his car.

- It fell down a cliff.

- We would've gone down to get the stuff back--

- But then the trailer caught on fire!

- Luckily, some of the hockey sticks

were thrown clear of the fire. - But then the bears came!

- [laughs] Joke's on those bears.

How are they gonna play without skates?

- Good one, Uncle Clark.

- Us parents just bought all that expensive equipment.

Now we have to buy it all over again.

- What if we do a fundraiser to replace everything?

Fundraisers are kind of my specialty.

- That's a great idea, Ivy.

Recognizing great ideas is kind of my specialty.

- Uh, we could do a charity bike ride,

like the one Ivy Cares did from Portland to Seattle?

- Nah, too bikey.

- Or we could do a bake sale and make tons of muffins--

- Nah, too bakey.

Those ideas sound like a lot of work.

Is there anything where we sit around

and people bring us money?

- We could do a raffle.

- Yeah, that's a good idea. - Yeah.

- But to sell a lot of tickets,

we need a really great grand prize.

- Well, I can donate a free hour of legal advice.

- Or we could keep thinking.

- I can give free bagpipe lessons.

- [plays bagpipe]

- I thought I hid those.

- [shouting] Don't worry, Ivy!

We'll find a great grand prize!

- [shouting] Please hurry!

- [bagpipes continue]

- Oh!

- [bagpipes continue]

- [oinks]

- ♪

- Hey, Ivy.

Can I borrow your soap as a hockey puck?

- I'd rather you use it to shower, but sure.

- Thanks.

I'm making my own hockey equipment.

Check out my padding.

If Mr. Bear's family can protect me

from the monsters under the bed,

they can protect me from a puck to the gut.

- [oinks]

- When did Arthur get a phone?

- Dad won't even let me have one.

Lucky pig.

- Guys, I got an amazing grand prize for the raffle.

Two VIP passes to Portlandpalooza!

- No way! That's so cool!

Wait, what's a "palooza"?

- Portlandpalooza is only

the hottest music festival in town.

- How did you get VIP passes?

It's been sold out for months.

No one can get those.

- I'm not no one. I'm Stuart.

- That's cute.

But seriously, how did you get them?

- I found a sweet deal on an auction site.

The passes will be delivered here tomorrow.

- Um, has anyone seen my phone?

- Oh, that was yours?

Arthur had it. He went that way.

- Why didn't you stop him?

- Dad, you told us to never interrupt someone

when they're on the phone.

- ♪

- [indistinct chatter]

- Come on down and buy a raffle ticket

for your chance to win passes to Portlandpalooza!

- And hurry, because if you snooze-a, you won't palooza.

- Every dollar goes to support my little brother's hockey team.

- Give them the face! Give them the face!

- Please buy one...

or ten.

- Stuart, this is amazing!

We're down to our last roll of tickets.

- Well, you did a great job

getting the word out on Ivy Cares.

- And you got that great grand prize.

- I did. - He-hey!

Clark and I have been out all day putting up fliers.

And look at this crowd! - CLARK: Mm-hmm.

I told you, it's because everybody wants bagpipe lessons.

Should I give 'em a taste?

- Uh, sure, Dad.

Hey, why don't you start way at the end of the line?

- [plays bagpipe]

- I thought I hid those again.

Speaking of hiding, where's Arthur?

That little bacon bit still has my phone.

- [phone rings]

- I think he's trying to video chat me.

- [oinks]

- Arthur? - Give me that!

Arthur, where are you? I need my phone back.

Wait, why am I talking to a pig?

He hung up on me!

- ♪

- [doorbell rings]

- I got it! I got it!

- Hey, Stuart.

No care package from your mom today, which is unfortunate,

'cause I really enjoyed those cookies she sent from overseas.

- My mom sent cookies?

- No. Uh, anyways, this is for you.

What is it? What is it?

- Two VIP passes to Polkapalooza!

Wait a second. What's Polkapalooza?

- Oh, it's like Portlandpalooza,

except instead of really good music, it's really bad music.

Here, listen.

- [polka music]

- That's polka music?

- [polka music stops] - This has to be a mistake.

- Sorry, dude. But if you need pickles,

my girlfriend and I make great pickles.

- I don't need pickles.

I need passes to Portlandpalooza.

- Then why did you get passes to Polkapalooza?

- Oh, I messed up.

I bought the wrong passes!

- IVY: Stuart!

Stuart!

- ♪

- Did the passes show up yet?

- Uh...passes showed up.

- Great, I have a surprise for you!

- Listen, Ivy, about the passes--

- Yeah, those passes you got

made this the easiest fundraiser I've ever done.

We sold out of raffle tickets

and we were able to buy all-new equipment.

- [garage door whirring]

- TEAM: Thank you, Stuart!

- Oh, no, no, no, no!

You--you don't have to thank me.

You really, really don't.

- Let's hug him! - Yeah!

- TEAM: [chanting] Stuart! Stuart! Stuart!

Stuart! Stuart! Stuart!

- [theme music plays]

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey

♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, woo ♪

- Hey, everybody! Don't forget to tune in at 6 p.m. sharp

when I announce the winner of the Portlandpalooza passes.

Bye!

- So, Ivy, I brought you here because I need to--

- Did you see how excited Leaf and his new team were

about the new equipment?

- Yeah, and that's the thing.

- TEAM ON PHONE: Thank you, Stuart!

- I could watch this all day.

- Ivy, I didn't get the passes!

It turns out there's two paloozas in Portland,

one that has great music and one that has music like this:

oompah, oompah!

And I accidentally bid on the oompah one.

And I tried to tell you, but all the hockey kids

were in the garage saying, "Thank you, Stuart!"

And...here we are.

I'm sorry, Ivy.

Uh, Ivy?

Are you okay?

Do you need me to go through what happened again?

- No.

I'm just mentally planning how I'm gonna freak out.

Maybe something like this.

How could you do this, Stuart?

We sold thousands of tickets, and we have no grand prize!

We can't give the money back because we already spent it.

We should have just done a simple bake sale!

- Look, I didn't wanna tell you until I had a way to fix it.

And here's my plan.

Portland Rocks is having a smoothie drinking competition

this afternoon in Juiced Up,

and the prize is the two VIP passes to Portlandpalooza.

- This is your plan?

What makes you think we're gonna win?

- Please, we come here every day.

Drinking smoothies is what we do.

They might as well hand us the passes now.

[coughs]

Went down the wrong pipe.

[coughs]

I'm good.

[coughs]

[hoarsely] This almost never happens.

[coughs]

- ♪

- Leaf, it may be easier to eat that sandwich

if you take off that goalie mask.

- No way. I love my new uniform.

I never wanna take it off.

Plus, it actually makes eating more fun.

See?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Sweet uniform, Leaf.

Hey, does anyone know how my watch ended up in a flowerpot

in the front yard?

- Yeah, that was Arthur.

It's his new favorite game: hide-and-go-squeak!

- The other day, he took my phone.

And this morning, I saw him running off with my wallet.

I found it behind the bookshelf.

I swear he took a 20 out of it.

- You know what?

I think he's been taking my bagpipes and hiding them

in different places.

Yesterday, I found them in the trash!

- That wasn't Arthur. That was--

- No, that was definitely the pig, son!

He's a thief.

Have some sandwich.

- ♪

- When's this gonna start? The raffle is in three hours.

- Yeah, we need to win these passes

before people come to our house and win these passes.

- Hey, everyone! I'm Jim from "The Jim-Jam Show."

Whether you're jammin' in the gym or stuck in a traffic jam,

"Jim-Jam's" got the hottest jam.

- [horn blaring]

- Who's ready to win VIP all-access passes

to Portlandpalooza!

- [cheers and applause]

- MAN ON RECORDING: Oh, yeah!

- Everyone who's entered the contest come on down.

So the first part of the competition

is the A-to-Z smoothie challenge.

We've created a special smoothie for every letter.

First up, the letter A.

Your smoothie will contain apples--

- Easy. - --avocados--

- Odd combination, but okay.

- --and anteater milk.

- I'm out!

- Come on, Ivy.

You eat gross stuff all the time--

broccoli, cauliflower, lettuce.

- Move over, losers! The winner's here.

- Sorry, kid, but we need these passes.

So, unfortunately, you're gonna be the loser.

- No, you are. - No, you are.

- No, you are. - No, you are!

- Stuart!

- What? He started it!

- On your mark, get set, drink!

- [horn blares]

- Aah! That's disgusting! I quit.

Get it off, get it off!

- Aww, looks like we have our first loser.

- [womp-womp sound effect]

- No one said it was gonna be easy.

- Actually, you did.

- I'm not no one. I'm Stuart.

And Stuart was wrong.

- ♪

- Okay, we're down to just three competitors.

The final two move on to the championship round.

- I got this!

- And now we're up to the letter L.

Get ready to drink licorice, lobster tail, and lots of liver.

- I don't got this.

- You've got to got this.

- And...drink!

- [horn blares]

- [cheers and applause]

- Go, Stuart!

- Ooh, aw, sorry, buddy.

- [womp-womp sound effect]

- And now we've got our final two competitors!

- [cheers and applause]

- [horn blaring]

- You did it! - Yeah!

I made it to the championship round!

- Where I'm gonna crush you.

- Oh yeah? Well--

I'm too full to trash talk.

- Leave it to me.

Look, kid, you're obviously a very competent

and strong competitor.

- This is your trash talk?

- I'm getting there.

- But even though you've beaten all of these people

and seem unstoppable,

there's still a small chance you might not win. Ha!

- Okay, are you guys ready for the ultimate challenge?

- You bet I am!

- I was talking to them.

You were the first person eliminated.

- Oh, right.

- [no audible dialogue]

- ♪

- Now that we have some equipment,

we can play some hockey.

- [whistle]

- Okay, I'm ready. Shoot the puck.

- Not so fast, son.

First, let's cover some basics.

Hockey's a game of calculations, angles, and velocity.

- Great. Can you shoot the puck now?

- Hold on.

Your dad doesn't know what he's talking about.

You see, hockey is all about heart, passion.

- Clark's wrong.

Your success is directly proportional

to your geometrical awareness.

- Just shoot the puck.

- ARTHUR: [oinks]

- You guys bought more than one puck, right?

- ♪

- To win the VIP passes, you must find them in this giant tub

of chunky berry smoothie.

But the chunks are not berries.

- Remember, Stuart, if you lose,

you're gonna crush the dreams of little hockey players,

ruin the reputation of Ivy Cares,

and get us in major trouble for holding a phony raffle.

Have fun out there!

- Wow, Ivy.

Your pep talks are even worse than your trash talks.

- Besides the VIP passes,

we've also put in a few other surprises

just to trip you up.

Who's ready to dive in?

On your mark, get set--

- [horn blaring]

- [cheers and applause]

- Old sneaker? Nope.

Rubber chicken? Nope.

- Oh, yeah!

- Artichoke? Nope.

- [cheers and applause]

- Wait, I think I've found the passes!

I've got them! - Go, Stuart!

- Huh?

- Yes, I did it! I am the winner!

- [horn fanfare] - Congratulations!

You're going to Portlandpalooza next Saturday night!

- Whatever, I might not even go to this thing.

I just like winning stuff.

- Aww, and I got smoothie on my shirt.

- Really?

- And as for you, Stuart--

- I got this.

- [womp-womp sound effect]

- ♪

- ♪ Hey, hey, hey, woo-hoo

- Okay, Benny, we only have 15 minutes before we have to

hand out those passes, so let's cut to the chase.

First, congrats on beating Stuart.

It was a tough competition.

- How about I cut to the chase?

In exchange for the passes,

we will give you this bucket of candy.

- Well-- - Uh, uh! Don't say no.

We have a lot more. Just hear us out.

- We'll give you this brand-new skateboard,

remote-control racecar.

- This state-of-the-art drone,

a boomerang.

- Well-- - Uh, we're not done!

We'll also throw in this rubber poop.

- Great for pranks.

- And we saved the best for last--

one of my favorite video games, "Galactic Smackdown."

It's for ages ten and up, and I know you're only eight,

but it's worth the wait.

- So that's our offer. What do you say?

- Deal! - Yes!

- Yeah!

- You know what's funny?

I would have given you the passes for just the candy.

- [chuckles] That is funny.

- You mean we didn't have to give you all this other stuff?

- No, but you did.

Bye, suckers!

- But--uh!

- Make sure to bring back the wagon!

He's not bringing back the wagon.

- STUART: The kid cleaned us out,

but at least we got the passes, and just in time.

- I know. Could you imagine if we hadn't?

It would've been a disaster.

We would've been in so much trouble.

- Well, we don't have to worry about that,

because the passes are right here.

Where are the passes?

- ARTHUR: [oinks]

- BOTH: Arthur!

- I'll go find Arthur.

How much time until you announce the raffle winner?

- It's time to announce the raffle winner!

- ♪

- BOTH: [groaning]

- Arthur? Arthur?

- [oinks]

- There you are! Where are the passes?

Did you hide them in the couch? Yeah?

- [oinks]

- Wait, why are you looking over there?

Are the passes over there?

- [oinks]

- Am I close? Am I getting warmer?

- ARTHUR: [oinks]

- Warmer? Warmer?

Is that squeal a yes or a no?

Wait, why am I talking to a pig?

Hold on.

Is that dirt on your nose?

- [oinks]

- Did you bury them?

The cactus!

Ow! Ow!

- And I'd like to thank everyone who bought a ticket,

either in person or through Ivy Cares.

The people who gave money to someone to buy a ticket.

The bosses who paid the salary of the people

who bought a ticket-- - Ivy, quit stalling!

I've been spinning this forever.

My arm is getting dizzy.

- Just use your other arm.

Anyway, where was I?

I can't remember.

I'll just start from the top!

- CROWD: [groaning]

- Welcome, everyone. My name's Ivy--

- Nobody cares!

Just get to the prizes already.

- CROWD: Yeah.

- Okay, fine.

Now it's time to announce our first runner-up prize--

an hour of legal advice provided my dad.

And the winner is...

53914.

- Oh! Oh-ho-ho-ho, that's me!

That's me!

[laughs] - Congrats, Clark.

Anything you need legal advice on?

- Well, am I talking to lawyer Lewis or my brother Lewis?

- Your lawyer.

- In that case, I have a situation at home.

Someone keeps stealing my bagpipes

and blaming it on a farm animal. What are my legal options?

- Hour's up.

- [oinks]

- Wait, I feel something!

I got them! Yes!

Wait a second.

These are the passes to Polkapalooza!

- [oinks]

- You hid these, too?

- [oinks]

- So now's the time when we--

- Announce the grand prize!

- No!

Read some comments from the people watching

on the livestream.

- CROWD: [groaning]

- And the people watching on the livestream...

really want me to announce the grand prize.

Okay, so, I guess we're doing this.

Uh, the winner of the VIP passes to Portlandpalooza,

which we promised and which we definitely have is number...

- 537--

- Hold on, Leaf!

This is the grand prize.

We need to build the anticipation.

Fiiiiive...

threeeee...

seveeeeen...

- ARTHUR: [oinks]

- Wait.

I see something.

It's the passes!

Come on.

Almost...

got...

them.

Yes, got 'em!

Ow?

- Twooooo...

[gasps] ...ooooo!

Okay, the last number is...

between zero and nine...

- CROWD: [groaning]

- IVY: --and is not a seven, and is not a one.

Did I say not seven?

- Ivy, I got the passes!

- IVY: Yes! The final number is eight.

The winning ticket is 53728.

- I have the winning ticket!

Ha-ha! I won the passes...again!

- BOTH: Seriously?

- Later, clowns!

- Son, you got a little something on your back.

- Oh, I'm aware.

- I can't believe we actually pulled this off.

- Oh, it was easy.

I just drank anteater milk, swam in a smoothie,

gave away a bunch of my stuff,

and now I have a cactus on my back.

But next time, we should do a bake sale.

- What matters most is we did a good thing.

Leaf, show him the face.

- Thank you guys for everything.

- We're really proud of you both.

- Yeah, really proud.

- Group hug.

- Ow! - Ow!

- ALL: Ow!

- ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey

♪

♪ Hey

♪

♪ Hey

♪

♪ Woo ♪