Original subtitles

Normal people can live with happiness.

Screwed up people will try to destroy it.

My dad has been married five times,

till I was ten, thought women were rent to own.

See, all I'm looking for is the perfect match.

On her first date, my girlfriend Aaron and I took a thermos

of Bailey's in coffee and went on a romantic walk through the park.

Except it was sprinkler knife.

And he was able to hold it at hand. But Aaron and heels and dressed to kill never once changed

stride. That was not a fellow love with her. Her strength, her composure. And you can see her nipples. Eventually we

moved in together. So I could see him every day. They're my friends. Bye. Thanks for

your time. Bye. So you guys later, thanks a lot. 14 months into my relationship, I realize it's not an act. That's who she is. She's great. The perfect girl. I don't deserve this kind of happiness. How can I destroy it? You told that story again. Are you trying to piss me off? Wow, I thought screwing this up was going to be a lot harder.

What are you talking about? You love it when I told that story. I told you to stop it. No, you should stop it. What I meant was, oh, stop it!

Then you should say, oh, stop it. Now you're making fun of me? Yeah.

I'm not a man, are you? Aaron just started a little fight, which we were resolved and I'll be happy again.

And frankly, I'm not comfortable with that. I'm sorry. I shouldn't told that story.

Thank you, sweetheart. That's only one, dear.

No, thank you for calling me on that. Kristen used to call me in that kind of stuff all the time.

Kristen? Oh, man. She knew me inside and out. Oh, oh. And I don't know you at all. Oh, no, no, no. Don't be insecure about Kristen. I mean, you're you. And Kristen was Kristen.

Uh-huh. Shane been killed in that horrible car wreck who knows what my life would be like. I mean, I never would have met you.

My work here is done.

Oh, another word you're breaking up with? No, no, no. No other words, those are the words.

Sean, we're broken up. Yes, we're broken up. Good. Fine. We're broken up. Let the record show you broke up with me.

No, did. Fine. I'm leaving. Oh, no. I'm leaving.

Rookie?

Women have a post breakup 36 hour. I'm gonna eat cookies and cry, period. I have a three minute. I don't need you anyway, so I'm gonna sleep with somebody. It looks just like a

you to prove how much you didn't hurt me. Period. What's the matter? See broke up with me. Oh, what? Want some pie? Okay. Hey, she broke up with me. So, uh, when do you get off? That's up to you. Oh.

I'm gonna go pack my stuff. No, you're not. Oh, you burned it. No. I started the whole fight. I shouldn't be insecure about another woman, especially in dead one. I love you and I know how much you love me.

Well, yeah. Just hug me. Can we just forget about last night and never bring it up again? I'm gonna hold you to that. I got you a present.

Uh-uh. Look at me. My cake and I'm eating it. So she brings up this monster basket of cookies and cards and collone and poems and is.

I eat wonderful cookies and I read her beautiful words. I read lies. I own her ass. Oh. This is really beautiful. Thank you. You misspelled worship. No, no, no, no. That's tonight. My tears made it run. Listen, since we're being totally honest, there's something I gotta tell you.

And it's my fault. I mean, I can't blame you for annoying me if you don't know you're annoying me.

I'm sorry. No, don't apologize, Hunter. You know what you're doing wrong.

You're right. I'm sorry that I interrupted you. Yeah.

It's the way you brush your teeth. My teeth.

Oh.

Me in the bedroom.

You know, nothing gets me hotter than a real good com hither, Lougie.

Sorry. I didn't realize I won't do it anymore. I don't want to upset my man.

That makes me happy. I can make you happier. All this happiness is freaking me out. One day, one

my dreams will come true. Then what? Forkalled. They want you to design your own

car. The Titus. You've given my life direction. I'm running for City Council. Successful business. Terrific relationship. Son, I'm so proud of you. This is great. I've never been happier. Excuse me. Just as well, he peaked. Right. I'll meet you in the bedroom. Oh, but.

I'm kind of beat. So this time could it just be my turn?

I know you're kidding. A stud like you would never let me go on satisfied.

You're right. I'll get it. Don't forget to write it down this time.

Oh, uh, uh, he's busy. Sure.

Running it down. Okay. Bye-bye. Honey? Yeah. Who's Tiffany?

I wrote it down. You broke up with me.

But I love you so much and I was all alone in the diner drinking coffee and then she gave me some sweet lones. And that's what I love you.

I slept with her. I went to the kitchen. What's the pie? I didn't know it was a metaphor.

I love you. You slept with her. I had everything in my life bed on you, Christopher.

You were my night in shining armor. You were the one. No, just. I'm not a guy. I had destroyed my relationship. Yes. Now I have something to fix. A goal. We fought for the next 12 hours. Finally, we came to an understand.

See, owns my ass. I want to make it up to you. How do you listen to me? You were need deep and waitress and you want to make it up to me?

Boyle yourself and then we'll talk.

But I'm your little kambi. Don't ever say that again.

But what I did was wrong. Okay. I am scum. I'm a net scullin. I'm trash. I'm the scum inside of a net's colon in the trash.

I'll do anything. I will fix this. I am not going to be like my father.

My father doesn't want to be like my father.

Hey, it was just a bad call. Bad call on your part. I cheated on my last wife with you. What did you think was going to happen?

Kaviyad M. Torpeyty. Great ass. All of Dad's relationships ended exactly the same.

Sapina, beep of a moving van, backing up the driveway. Pilev is closed burning on the front lawn.

Looks like we're going shopping. I need to be something I can do to make this ride again. Okay. Tell me what she looks like. I don't remember. Oh, she must feel special. Like I do right now. No, no, no, no, no. She looked like you. Oh, she looked like me. Only younger.

I mean, she's younger than you and you look like her. See, so is old as you are. You look really young. So, so if you look the way she looks now when she's old, she's going to look horrible.

No, I feel pretty. What do you want from me? You know what I want to know is, did you think of me when you were doing her or did you never think of me at all?

Okay, that's a trick question. Don't move. Let's hear with a little pie serving. Oh, God, no more.

Well, it's not fire. If you walk the floor, the trolls will rob us. Shut down by a 22-year-old waitress and break away panties.

So, you can leave one message at one place for both of us.

Hey, Aaron, it's Randy. It's great seeing you last night. Don't.

Move. You left your sweater in my place. Why can't I come back and pick it up tonight? Call me.

Randyised.

Todos.

Everybody.

My past-school friends had the 36-hour eat cookies in cry period.

Aaron had the same thing except she ate those cookies with a guy.

And bed.

Make it.

What did he do?

Get it, forget his dead girlfriend.

I get off in 20 minutes.

Oh, yeah.

I can't eat all those cookies by yourself, can you?

I hope you like the heart outside because I can't get enough of the creamy metal.

Erin has slept with her old boy friend. Therefore I must not be good enough. So I will do everything in my power to win her back.

And when she comes back, I shall make her life heaven for approximately nine to 14 days then dump her, proving that I indeed am better than she. Continuing.

We both made mistakes. Let's just leave it at that.

Do you are absolutely right? I totally forgive you. And I forgive you. Good.

I'm like the best place, huh? I will help you.

Honey, you just sleep for them? Guys, I'm sorry. I just leave it a lot. I am with you now. I know. I just want to make sure we're on equal footing.

You slept with the waitress and I hung out with an old boy friend.

I hung out. You know, we gotta be totally honest with each other here. Sweetheart, it doesn't matter. I am with you. I know. And that's why I won't get mad. I just want to know if you slept with him. Yes, I slept with him.

You are. You were the one who couldn't wait to get a slice of Tiffany pie.

You wrote gum with me. Ha! Yeah. I had to sleep with a waitress. Free card. Hey, bro. Hey, bro. What the hell are you doing here? You didn't check her. I can see that. How did you get in? You gave me keys for a merge, do you remember? You had a chicken emergency? Don't rag at me. I didn't sleep with Randy. How long have you been here?

Since it looks like you only younger.

Tommy's here, true. I didn't get here to the pie serving home.

Mr. Frou, we were worried about you eating and she'll have to work.

So you decided to break into the house and eat chicken?

It's lunchtime. Get out. We can stay in hell. Get out.

Get out. No, I have experience. Get out. I took an internship.

Ah. And family council. Get out!

I do not need help destroying my relationship. I was raised by my father.

I've completed a 30-year seminar on the power of destroying relationships.

Gentlemen, you need to access your personal cup. Look within that dinner's not ready.

Get the hell out, bitch. Yeah. If you're already up to your ass in the fight, you can be a big person and think this relationship is over. I'll end it civilly. Or this relationship is over. Might as well crank in a couple of good shots. You know how you worry that you're not funny. And I said you had a great sense of humor.

Well, I was joking. Listen.

Sound familiar?

Okay, okay. You remember when you confessed to me that you didn't think that you were smart?

It wasn't a confession. It wasn't insight.

Inside. I never word you can't spell.

You can't. Police dicha and read at an eighth grade level. I'd like to see the SAT scores on Mr. Pumpin' Go. Oh, well. I never noticed Randy's academic skills. I was too busy watching him tower over me. He's a bodybuilder. Oh, yeah. Oh, Tiffany. Tiffany is... waitress. Oh, yeah? Oh, Randy, they'd love to be honest.

Kitchen table. Slow. Strong. It's never been like that with you.

Oh. Okay. That's it. No, man.

Get the hell out. What? I think you heard me.

I think you're bad for you. You know, the way that you were raised. Is that as part about it? Is this that you're too weak to overcome it? No.

Whoo! Too shag.

Whoo!

No!

The most powerful person in your life is the one that knows all your secrets and your lies.

And has the power to lift you up or repatch your guts.

It's even scarier if she knows your truths.

Every woman in your life has left you starting with your mother. Oh, who excuse me? Mother.

Yeah. Well, your parents have been married 35 miserable years. Is that better? At least my dad makes it up a bit.

Oh, oh! I'll be happy with women everywhere. I think him. Hey, this is not about our parents.

Maybe it is. Maybe it is. Somebody taught you how to be afraid of happiness. Maybe it was my mother.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You are just like your father. Go, go, go, go, go. I'd say it. I'm Christopher Titus M. My father. And you say, I am in Fitzpatrick M. My mother. I Christopher Titus. Am I lonely? I'm trusting angry man. And I are a Fitzpatrick deserve every crappy thing that's ever happened to me because I'm not good enough to be love. And I Christopher Titus. Am a friend. To love. And I am a Fitzpatrick.

I have boyfriend you cheated on me.

Oh my god.

Can't believe it.

First chance I get I sleep with a waitress.

First chance I get I sleep with a convenience store clerk.

We're pathetic. We hate ourselves. It's easy to be in love when you're running through the sprinklers together. Okay, you know the smart thing to do, the adult thing to do is to end this now. I agree. I'm done. Me too.

So it's over. I'm never going to do this again. Me either. Will you marry me? Yes.

Normal people can live with happiness. Screwed up people will try to destroy it. Before, Erin and I had the perfect relationship. But now, no matter how frighteningly perfect things become or how happy I am, I can relax because once we cheated on each other. And no one can ever take that away.

Oh. New table.

I'm the funny one. No, I'm the funny one. I'm the funny one. I'm the funny one. Okay.