All language subtitles for Titus - 01x02 - Sex With Pudding.eng

When you're born, you're pure.

Unspoiled in trusting.

I believe everything and everyone.

Then I met my parents.

If a girl named Linda calls, I'm not home.

And don't tell your mother.

Just then.

If a guy named Patrick calls, I'm not home.

And don't tell your father. Just my mother.

I five years old. I was a double agent. I had to be. Dad's been married five times. And I

swore I would never be like my dad or my mom or my mom or my mom or my mom or my mom.

Instead, I've chosen to always give the benefit of the doubt and live in total trust. My girlfriend's bone in some guy.

You know, no, that for sure. Three business dinners this week and this. Aaron, a rose petals curves are nothing compared to yours. Your interpretation.

Well, Aaron's a very efficient employee and lots of her co-workers admire. And she happens to be a very attractive woman. And well, people notice that and they might remark on her reason.

Blins to flowers. She's a perfectionist. Are you drunk? Aaron's the one. She's my heart. She's my soul. She owns me. And when you give yourself to someone so completely, you gotta make sure they're not screwing around on you.

We're time you got to. 11 o'clock. Good. She's in a staff meeting. All right. Here's the plan. We go in. We ask some questions. We gather evidence. Your reconnaissance, your diversion. No, I don't want to hear any opinions.

Jim, you were so funny.

Hi. Hi. Hi. Jim. Christopher Titus. The boyfriend. Prone to fit to vanger.

Hi. Hey. Oh, little feeble. She pumps my iron for that. Take care of this hand problem. Jim, why don't you go ahead. I'll be up in a second.

Oh, what's that little step there?

You've never mentioned Jim's. Jim's funny, right?

He's just someone that I work with.

Should I step aside while you mark your territory?

Tyler, this is way funnier than Jim. I know you think. He was being so funny in the elevator. Tell her what you said.

Are you drunk?

hilarious. You guys know that you're not allowed in the building anymore. How'd you get past security?

You walk in with confidence. Nobody bothers you.

Or a head.

Dave's my brother. I love him with all my heart. No matter how many times I'm charged, it's an accessory.

It's called stealing, Dave. It's not stealing. You're going for a work here.

But we don't need paper. It's just beauty of it. No mode. How are they ever going to catch us?

What do you guys do in here?

Lunch. Lunch. We'd take it a lunch.

It's 11 o'clock.

So when will you have in lunch?

At lunch time.

Okay. We'll go at your office.

You're not waiting in my office.

Erin's office. Inflammable, non-flammable.

You got to be addiction every day. No, what burns?

How would you leave now? That's why you guys are here. I almost lost my job. Erin, look flying to here. Coming up.

Right now. Don't I know you? No. No, we're here to fix you. Come up here.

Look up here, think. What?

The end of the cup of powder. There's only my office. Go and wait for me there. Don't touch anything. I know I've seen those guys. No, no, no, no. They're cleaning service from the group.

Erin has always been a cook and spirit. Keep in the world from knowing what a...

dark, I really am. So it's everything okay? Thanks. I'm not going to see you again, Emma.

May just not a time guy. No, no. Take the fuck out, Captain. I'll take the desk. Is it possible for you guys to come here and not commit a crime? This is not a crime. It's an invasion of privacy, which is not a crime. You've got mail. Okay. This is going to be an invasion of privacy and a crime.

Growing up, I'd heard the legend of privacy that lived in other houses. I have a diary. I have a journal. No one's ever read it.

I tried keeping a diary once. It ended up as a performance piece at one of Dan's poker games.

I don't know if she'll ever notice me, but just knowing she's in the world makes the world a better world to live in.

My secret diary, my Christopher W. Titus, the W. Gentlemen stands for...

What's it? What'd you get late? You'll stop writing this crap.

Oh, my God. Don't judge her. They just send you that porno without even asking.

Don't judge her. Aaron, dinner tonight, question mark. Are usual place? Question mark. Snacks in the break room. Period.

Signed fondly pudding.

Pudding? See? Putting. A light snack.

I hate this pudding guy. Tommy is too trusting. I see a car, Jackar. Tommy sees a grumpy valet with a gun.

But you seem to be doing great. We've been dating six months. I feel like we're soulmates.

No. You guys want to go to the movies with us? I'll go.

Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. She's going to know we did something.

We? No, there's no we in Tommy. There's a lie, isn't why are you doing this?

Hey, hey, check it out. Did you give her this present?

No. Has no one heard of a secret Santa? It's just a scarf.

With a crotch.

Hi, sexy. Saw this and thought of you.

I've known Aaron since high school, except she was in the hot looking babes group. I was in the outcast pimpling guys who hadn't discovered the odor at yet group. Can't believe he's got it. I mean, really? I cannot believe it. You caught it. I mean, that was the best catch ever. Hey.

Hey. I can understand going through the desk and the file cabinets. But the couch? We found 65 cents.

Oh, and this? Your turn. He thinks you're having an affair. And affair? Is that what you think?

What am I supposed to think? Did it ever occurred to you that there might be something going on in my life that's worse than me having an affair? I'm dying.

This is not about you. I'm dying. No. Well, what then? Come on. Look, I love you. We are team.

If there is a problem, I got you back. This is not a cage match, Christopher. I'm not going to tell you because I don't want you involved. I will handle it.

Aaron, I'm not leaving until you tell me. Well, I'm not telling you. Fine. Fine. I think you should tell him. You know. No, I don't. Yes, you do tell me. No, I can't tell you. She's swarming to secrecy when you're sworn to a secret. You can't. She's being sexually harassed.

Really? Yes. Oh, thank God. Thank God. Yeah. I mean, you're just being sexually harassed.

I mean, that's not a problem. We just kick his ass.

Finally, we're playing to our strengths. He's a dead man. Yeah.

Roughly, how big a dead man? I'm sorry. I tried to stop this. You're not your fault, Tommy. I'm the one with a problem that I can't seem to handle.

Will handle it. Christopher, please. Please. Just say out of it. I am in it.

It's new. Actually, honey, you're not. It's complicated. You just don't know anything about it.

My dad invented sexual harassment. Every current sexual harassment lawsuit, my dad gets a royalty check.

I thought you were your baby.

Who's addicted to the chase? You know, I had to fire my last secretary. Her work just wasn't up to power.

He had a monkey on his back.

Do you type? Perfect.

Oh, my God. My new mommy.

I know you guys want to help, but you can't. I'm the one who dug the hole. I'm the one who has to get myself out of it.

You think you're to blame for this? No. Maybe. Partly. Yes. I know you guys wouldn't understand. Honey.

Honey, you're just hot. It's not your fault.

Your heart's in the right place. It's just not connected to your head.

You just don't get it. But Tommy does. Tommy is sensitive. I can share things with him. He's not like other guys. He listens.

But you know that's something my mother taught me. Tommy, you have two ears on one mouth so you can listen twice as much as you speak.

Honey, I have to go back upstairs. Okay. Good. You handle that. What handle this? Who's the guy? Here's how you can handle. You can either slink out, pass security the way you slung him or we can have a huge fight that lasts for days.

Episode five.

It's what everyone here respect you. Really? How about we start with you?

Good one.

Are you sure?

Okay. Really?

Yeah, I trust you to handle it. Okay. Aaron, we're waiting for... Oh, yeah. Sorry. Barry Proud of all of you. Especially you. Okay. Bye-bye. Thanks again. Since I've been with Aaron, I've learned. You don't have to bunge you off every day.

You don't have to be the first off the line. You don't have to act like one of those mall guys. You know. You looking up my girlfriend?

As much fun as that is.

Christopher, I am so proud of you. For what? You're becoming a sensitive trusting partner. Congratulations, you're Tommy.

No, Dave. He just knows that she doesn't need him to be the white knight who has to leap in and savor at the first sign of danger. Danger?

I spend a lot of time trying to unlearn things my father taught me. Things like extreme measures, get extreme results.

Okay, Dave. It's time to teach you to learn how to swim. Now don't be a wussy.

Okay, that's good. What am I moving to the other? No, no, no, no. Crack.

Okay, grandad. Just, yeah. Christopher, go save your brother.

What?

Unfortunately, I have a very slow unlearning curve.

All right, everybody, listen up. This is a hostage situation. Oh, my God. You, get in your deas people.

Tommy, watch the hallway. Dave, watch the elevator. Are you a stripper?

Look, I don't know where I'm really going here people, but put this stapler down. Down, down!

I do as I say. He's crazy. I am looking for a man named pudding.

I'm assuming it's a nickname. But whoever he is, he's harassing my girlfriend and it's going to stop. Who's your girlfriend?

Aaron Fitzpatrick. She works in that office. When I was a kid, I never thought I would find a good woman. Instead, I found the perfect one. She is cool and sweet.

And beautiful. And every time somebody messes with her, a little part of that beauty dies. So, putting whoever you are, just stop it. Come clean and be a man.

Not a soft creamy dessert.

Just a few. But at least nothing's burning. That was beautiful, man. Aaron, I'm sorry. Tim?

Funny, Jim. I knew it. I'm sorry. I like to lick your pens. Oh, my God. Okay. Jim, we are going to have a little bit of a...

You too. Bobby? I'd like to drop money in the floor so I can watch you pick it up. I've spent like $45 on you so far this month.

I always try to go to the bathroom when you do so we can pass each other in the hall. You went twice today.

You. I don't even know you.

Lewis, and accounting. Oh, yeah.

Oh. We're going to need more, guys. We're going to need more, guys.

What's going on, people? Why is it anybody working? Well, you must be the head of the stalker training camp.

You do know you. Stone in paper, small desk fire. Christopher Tittto, slow up, these three guys

It's actually harassing this woman.

Is this true?

Yeah, you damn right.

It is. You're not going to hide this behind some corporate door.

Yeah, like you did with the engine, the runs on water.

Who are you?

I'm a boyfriend.

boyfriend, Aaron's gay.

No, she's not.

Are you?

I'm sorry. But if you're not gay, then oh my god, it's me. I've been harassing you.

Putting? Go ahead, tight. It's kick or ass.

So if you're not gay, then why did we go on all those dates?

I didn't know that they were dates until yesterday. When I got the panties.

panties? Don't you have some stapling to do?

I didn't want to hurt your feelings. We had dinner. I thought you wanted to be girlfriend. I didn't know you wanted to be.

Girlfriends. I want to work here.

So you just let me on. I didn't know what to do. Listen, if you were a guy, I would know how to deal with you. Me too.

I were a guy. I would have gone after another guy because I'm gay. That's a good point.

I'm sorry. Do you want your panties back?

I don't want to. Should I quit? No. You keep your job. You keep the teddy keep the panties. Teddy? It's in the mail. Think of me when she's wearing it.

Thanks for staying out of it.

I don't know what you're so mad about.

You said you could keep the panties.

When you born, you're pure, unspoiled, interesting. Some say it's the only time we're perfect. You're also born covered in blood and placenta. No one gets nostalgic about that.

I'm the funny one. I'm the funny one. I'm the funny one. I'm the funny one. Okay.

you