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1
00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:03,060
oh,oh,that is so true.
2
00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:04,590
I know exactly what you mean.
3
00:00:06,810 --> 00:00:08,710
- Oh,hey,charlie.
- Hey.
4
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:10,050
What's going on?
5
00:00:10,060 --> 00:00:13,270
Oh,I just have a friend over from
my single parent support group.
6
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,950
Oh,yeah.Unattached moms.
7
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,980
I got to check out that group.
8
00:00:18,620 --> 00:00:20,370
But you don't have a kid.
9
00:00:20,380 --> 00:00:22,710
Are they really strict about that?
10
00:00:23,810 --> 00:00:25,690
'Cause,at the dog park,
you just show up with a leash and say,
11
00:00:25,700 --> 00:00:28,040
that's him by the tree.
12
00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:30,590
It's a single parent group.
13
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,190
You need to be a single parent.
14
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:35,430
Seems a little prejudiced,if you ask me.
15
00:00:35,730 --> 00:00:39,750
Hey,alan,can I use your bathroom
16
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:41,150
It's right down the hall.
17
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,760
Oh,greg,this is my brother charlie.
Charlie,greg.
18
00:00:43,770 --> 00:00:44,760
- Hey.
- Hey.
19
00:00:44,770 --> 00:00:46,790
- Nice place.
- Thanks.
20
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,430
*****
21
00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:52,830
Greg's a divorced dad.
22
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,990
He's got a daughter around jake's age.
23
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:57,700
Well,you can understand my confusion.
24
00:00:57,710 --> 00:00:59,940
You think I joined a support group
to pick up women?
25
00:00:59,950 --> 00:01:03,550
No.I think you joined a support group *****
26
00:01:04,780 --> 00:01:07,880
******
27
00:01:08,850 --> 00:01:10,670
Sex is not what the group's about.
28
00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:12,240
Oh,grow up.
29
00:01:12,310 --> 00:01:15,310
*****in folding chairs in a church basement,
30
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:18,080
they're going to start mounting each other.
31
00:01:18,980 --> 00:01:22,620
******
32
00:01:22,630 --> 00:01:25,160
Really?Still?
33
00:01:25,490 --> 00:01:30,470
***By the stack of racing forms
next to the can,you bet the ponies.
34
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,480
Hey,I'd bet on rabbits
if you could get 'em organized.
35
00:01:34,750 --> 00:01:37,710
Is there a story behind that
riding crop hanging on the wall?
36
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:41,660
Oh,yeah-- that's a souvenir from
a wonderful weekend in louisville,kentucky.
37
00:01:41,670 --> 00:01:42,630
Oh,you went to the derby?
38
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,430
Nah.It was a hilton by the airport.
39
00:01:46,620 --> 00:01:48,130
How about you?
Do you hit the track?
40
00:01:48,210 --> 00:01:51,820
Yeah.It's actually my second biggest
expense after alimony.
41
00:01:51,830 --> 00:01:54,900
******
42
00:01:55,790 --> 00:01:58,610
-Hey,your brother's funny.
-At first
43
00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:01,740
I'll get us some more beers.
44
00:02:01,750 --> 00:02:03,950
Charlie,you smoke cigars?
45
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,520
I'd smoke rabbits if you could keep 'em lit.
46
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:14,510
-So,divorced dad,huh?
-Yep.
47
00:02:15,340 --> 00:02:17,930
-How long were you married?
-16years
48
00:02:19,110 --> 00:02:22,120
What ended it?
Cheating?Drinking?Gambling?
49
00:02:23,530 --> 00:02:25,350
Gay.
50
00:02:27,060 --> 00:02:30,720
- Oh.Her?
- No.
51
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,840
So,what,you didn't want to try drinking
or gambling?
52
00:02:44,030 --> 00:02:46,490
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
proudly presents
sync:karoro
53
00:02:46,890 --> 00:02:49,470
Two And A Half Men
Season04 Episode21
54
00:02:50,090 --> 00:02:51,910
So what about you,charlie,ever been married?
55
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,700
Are you kidding?
56
00:02:56,970 --> 00:03:00,610
- A confirmed bachelor.
- No,no,no.Nothing's confirmed.
57
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,190
I mean,I just think that variety
is the spice of life.
58
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,690
And as far as spices go,some people like salt
59
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:09,320
some people like pepper,some people
like salt and pepper.
60
00:03:09,330 --> 00:03:11,550
Me,I like women.
61
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,590
Me,too.
Some of my best friends are women.
62
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:22,100
********
None of my friends are women.
63
00:03:22,110 --> 00:03:25,070
- Oh,I see.
- No,you don'T.
64
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,220
Oh,damn.I'm going to have to take
a rain check on that beer.
65
00:03:27,230 --> 00:03:29,300
- I got to get going.
- Oh,okay.
66
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,610
- We still on for sunday?
- Looking forward to it.
67
00:03:31,620 --> 00:03:34,410
Really nice meeting you,charlie.
*******
68
00:03:34,430 --> 00:03:35,490
You never know.
69
00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:37,400
Do you like santa anita or hollywood park?
70
00:03:37,410 --> 00:03:39,150
- Which one do you like?
- Oh,I'll go either way.
71
00:03:39,250 --> 00:03:41,490
****
72
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:44,020
Oh,he's bad.
73
00:03:44,030 --> 00:03:46,070
You have no idea.
74
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,120
- Okay,so I'll see you sunday.
- Bye-bye.
75
00:03:49,130 --> 00:03:51,390
- Adios.
- Great guy,huh?
76
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,460
Yeah.Yeah,terrific.
77
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,260
How much do you know about him?
78
00:03:55,270 --> 00:03:58,300
Well,I know he's a successful architect,
79
00:03:58,310 --> 00:04:01,190
his daughter is a soccer player,he's gay,
80
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,990
he has a boat,he went to U.C.Berkeley...
81
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,100
okay,okay.Back up a little.
82
00:04:05,740 --> 00:04:08,070
*****
Well,it's more of a sloop.
83
00:04:09,700 --> 00:04:11,210
He's taking me and jake out on sunday.
84
00:04:11,220 --> 00:04:13,200
No,no,no,no,no.One more.
85
00:04:13,210 --> 00:04:15,670
What,he's gay?
What about it?
86
00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:18,420
Nothing.I'm just looking out for you.
87
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:23,720
I mean,does he want to take you sailing,
or does he want to take you sailing?
88
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,370
Don't be silly.
He knows I'm not gay.
89
00:04:31,380 --> 00:04:33,370
Are you sure?
90
00:04:33,380 --> 00:04:36,300
For 16 years,he didn't know he was gay.
91
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:37,620
Come on,charlie.
92
00:04:37,630 --> 00:04:40,240
You don't believe two men can be friends
just because one of them is gay?
93
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,600
It has nothing to do with gay.
94
00:04:43,610 --> 00:04:47,810
Imagine he were a straight guy and
you were an attractive young woman.
95
00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:49,790
Do you think you could just be friends?
96
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,000
How attractive?
97
00:04:53,650 --> 00:04:58,030
I mean,you know,am I kind of
cute in a tomboy sort of way
98
00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:01,920
or am I smokin' hot and workin' it?
99
00:05:05,010 --> 00:05:07,990
Okay,okay.Let's start again.
100
00:05:09,060 --> 00:05:13,170
Imagine you were a straight guy...
101
00:05:14,390 --> 00:05:18,020
- And?
- No and.That's it.
102
00:05:22,970 --> 00:05:25,910
*******
103
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:28,280
Define working.
104
00:05:28,970 --> 00:05:30,970
What kind of hair conditioner do I use?
105
00:05:32,660 --> 00:05:34,720
I quite.
106
00:05:36,810 --> 00:05:41,180
I use a wash-out conditioner,
then blow-dry with a dab of styling gel.
107
00:05:41,190 --> 00:05:43,960
But you got me a leave-in conditioner.
108
00:05:43,970 --> 00:05:46,170
Why would you get me a leave-in conditioner?
109
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,850
- The truth?
- Please.
110
00:05:47,860 --> 00:05:50,410
It came with a free lady schick.
111
00:05:50,900 --> 00:05:52,860
Berta,my hair is important to me.
112
00:05:52,870 --> 00:05:55,240
All right.
Don't get your panties in a bunch.
113
00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:57,400
What hell is that supposed to mean?
114
00:05:57,410 --> 00:06:02,480
******
become entangled within your crack.
115
00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:06,940
Hey,hey,hey.
I'm not agitated!
116
00:06:06,940 --> 00:06:11,670
I just like having extra body without,
you know,stiffness!
117
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:20,640
Why don't you guys go hang outside
while we throw together some lunch?
118
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:22,350
Okay.Come on,sophie.
119
00:06:22,350 --> 00:06:23,850
- This is a cool house.
- Yeah.
120
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:27,100
It's my weekend place.
I have a second home in the valley.
121
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,260
*****
122
00:06:29,260 --> 00:06:31,100
Oh,jake is smitten.
123
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:34,960
I usually only see that look on his face hey.
124
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:38,520
- Hiya,charlie.
- Hey.
125
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:40,940
- How did the sailing go?
- Great.Perfect weather.
126
00:06:40,940 --> 00:06:43,540
Here.I brought you a present.
127
00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:44,730
- Really?
- Yeah.
128
00:06:44,730 --> 00:06:48,300
It's one of those cuban fellas you
like puffin' on.
129
00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:49,650
That's sweet.Thank you.
130
00:06:49,650 --> 00:06:51,610
You're very welcome.
131
00:06:54,430 --> 00:06:56,140
Did you do something different with your hair?
132
00:06:56,140 --> 00:06:59,930
- It looks nice.
- Don't get me started.
133
00:07:01,780 --> 00:07:05,420
-****
-****
134
00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:07,820
- That he's gay.
- My dad's not gay.
135
00:07:07,820 --> 00:07:10,090
You sure?My dad is.
136
00:07:10,090 --> 00:07:12,340
- No kidding.
- Yep.
137
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:17,000
-You smell like strawberries.
-****
138
00:07:17,410 --> 00:07:19,540
Cool.Does it taste like it smells?
139
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:22,270
- You want to find out?
- Sure.
140
00:07:34,940 --> 00:07:37,750
Can we watch a soccer game instead of basketball?
141
00:07:37,930 --> 00:07:40,400
What are you,nuts?
142
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:43,030
Sophie says soccer's the most popular
sport in the world.
143
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:46,030
Well,then they don't need us to watch it.
144
00:07:49,740 --> 00:07:51,820
You know what would be a good idea?
145
00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:55,770
Maple syrup lip gloss.
146
00:07:58,890 --> 00:08:01,540
Your mom will be here any minute.
I thought I told you to get ready.
147
00:08:01,540 --> 00:08:02,360
I'm ready.
148
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:03,920
- Did you do your homework?
- No.
149
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:07,440
Oh,jake,I promised your mother you
would have it done.
150
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:10,950
Well,next time,you'll know better.
151
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:23,060
I think jake has a thing for your
boyfriend's daughter.
152
00:08:25,150 --> 00:08:27,270
He's not my boyfriend.
We're friends.
153
00:08:27,270 --> 00:08:29,130
Friends,huh?
154
00:08:29,130 --> 00:08:31,460
Alan,when an intelligent,successful
155
00:08:31,460 --> 00:08:37,170
attractive man wants to be friends with you,
something's amiss.
156
00:08:37,930 --> 00:08:40,240
Excuse me,but if greg were to be interested in
157
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,370
anybody around here,it would be you.
158
00:08:43,370 --> 00:08:46,970
Whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa.
159
00:08:47,370 --> 00:08:49,180
What are you talking about?
160
00:08:49,380 --> 00:08:51,550
*****
161
00:08:51,550 --> 00:08:54,480
You put out a special kind of vibe.
162
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,060
You don't mean special.
163
00:08:57,060 --> 00:08:59,710
You mean special!
164
00:09:01,090 --> 00:09:03,180
And I don'T.
165
00:09:03,180 --> 00:09:06,180
You're 40 years old,you've never been married
166
00:09:06,180 --> 00:09:10,140
you play the piano,you are meticulous
about your appearance...
167
00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:14,740
I've got a riding crop in my bathroom
168
00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:17,810
Your bathroom also has two kinds of
skin moisturizer,
169
00:09:17,810 --> 00:09:22,280
various hair gels,colognes,powders and emollients.
170
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:23,840
I only have one moisturizer.
171
00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:27,110
The other one is a sun block with moisturizer.
172
00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:28,530
Oh,right,right.
173
00:09:28,530 --> 00:09:32,700
You need that sun block for when you
lean out the front door to get the paper.
174
00:09:33,430 --> 00:09:36,440
There's no shade out there in the morning,alan.
175
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:41,350
Excuse me for not wanting to spend my
50s looking like a catcher's mitt.
176
00:09:41,350 --> 00:09:46,140
All right,let's scoot away from the
clinique counter for a minute...
177
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:52,450
And discuss some of the people you've attracted.
178
00:09:52,450 --> 00:09:55,450
*******
179
00:09:55,450 --> 00:09:59,070
And there's no way I could have known
that was a guy.
180
00:09:59,070 --> 00:10:02,950
He was 6'2",and could palm a medicine ball.
181
00:10:03,940 --> 00:10:08,600
I was drunk,he was tucked,taped and gorgeous.
182
00:10:09,510 --> 00:10:13,530
Charlie,you brought home a dude in a dress.
183
00:10:13,890 --> 00:10:16,550
A dude who wanted to be a woman
184
00:10:16,550 --> 00:10:18,900
which means
he was looking for a straight man
185
00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:20,680
which is me!
186
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:23,240
Rationalize it any way you want,
187
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:27,030
but he still sends you flowers on valentine's day.
188
00:10:28,580 --> 00:10:31,490
Only because I was a gentleman!
189
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,870
- So,how was your weekend?
- It was okay.
190
00:10:35,870 --> 00:10:38,550
- We went sailing.
- Oh,how nice.
191
00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:41,640
- What else?
- Nothing.
192
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:49,100
Oh,yeah.I think dad's gay now.
193
00:10:50,090 --> 00:10:52,980
That was a red light,mom.
194
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,650
So,charlie,I haven't seen you in a while.
195
00:10:55,650 --> 00:10:57,370
What's up?
196
00:10:57,370 --> 00:10:58,730
Why does something have to be up?
197
00:10:58,730 --> 00:11:01,110
Can't I just drop by and say hello?
198
00:11:01,110 --> 00:11:05,200
At $350 an hour,you can say anything you want.
199
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:08,980
Okay,well,there is something that's
been kind of gnawing at me.
200
00:11:10,390 --> 00:11:14,360
- Well,this friend of mine...
- Your friend?
201
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,440
Yeah,a friend.
202
00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:20,780
It's your money,charlie.
203
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:25,540
Okay,okay,is it possible that,that,
204
00:11:25,540 --> 00:11:28,350
I could be gay without knowing it?
205
00:11:29,750 --> 00:11:31,150
Why do you ask?
206
00:11:31,150 --> 00:11:34,190
Well,my,my brother's got this friend...
207
00:11:34,190 --> 00:11:37,230
We're talking seven dollars a minute.
208
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,940
No,no,no,no.
This friend's real.
209
00:11:39,940 --> 00:11:43,940
He's gay,and apparently,
I triggered his gaydar.
210
00:11:44,980 --> 00:11:46,430
*******
211
00:11:46,430 --> 00:11:50,090
You can?You can?
212
00:11:51,570 --> 00:11:55,200
Let me ask you something,charlie.
*******
213
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,500
No!No,absolutely not!
214
00:12:04,570 --> 00:12:08,720
All right,I copped a feel once,
but I was drunk and he had breasts.
215
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:17,520
********
216
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,240
Jake,your father's here!
217
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,640
- He'll be right out.
- Good.
218
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,800
So,uh,how have you been?
219
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,170
- Good,and you?
- Good.
220
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,990
Oh,come here.
I'm so proud of you!
221
00:12:34,990 --> 00:12:37,580
Uh,thanks.
What did I do?
222
00:12:37,580 --> 00:12:39,380
Oh,alan,you don't have to hide anymore.
223
00:12:39,380 --> 00:12:40,650
Jake,told me all about you and greg,
224
00:12:40,650 --> 00:12:43,720
and I just want you to know
I completely support you.
225
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,700
- Oh,oh,gee,judith...
- Is that him in the car?
226
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:48,820
Gee,he's cute.Hello!
227
00:12:48,820 --> 00:12:50,130
Oh,that must be his daughter.
228
00:12:50,130 --> 00:12:51,860
I can see why jake has a crush on her.
229
00:12:51,860 --> 00:12:53,240
*******
230
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:57,230
Oh,this makes so much sense.
*******
231
00:12:57,230 --> 00:12:59,310
- See what?
- Oh,come on,alan.
232
00:12:59,410 --> 00:13:04,220
You picking out my clothes,your neat fetish,
the show tunes,the sex.
233
00:13:05,340 --> 00:13:07,720
- There was no sex.
- Exactly.
234
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,760
All these years you were so miserable,
and look at you now.
235
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,060
You're...glowing.
236
00:13:11,060 --> 00:13:12,630
*******
237
00:13:12,630 --> 00:13:15,890
The-the reason that there was no...
238
00:13:16,570 --> 00:13:18,500
Really?I'm glowing?
239
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:22,260
And to think all this time I've been blaming
myself bcause the marriage didn't work out.
240
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:24,730
*********
241
00:13:24,730 --> 00:13:26,120
It was nobody's fault,alan.
242
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:30,380
I'm just so glad that you finally accepted
who you really are.
243
00:13:30,380 --> 00:13:32,520
- Hey,dad.
- Hey,buddy.
244
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,290
Hey,sophie.
245
00:13:34,290 --> 00:13:36,950
You boys are so cute with your double dates.
246
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,560
-****
-I almost forgot.
247
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:42,490
Your mother told me to tell you that
she's behind you 100%.
248
00:13:42,490 --> 00:13:44,660
When did you talk to my mother?
249
00:13:44,660 --> 00:13:47,110
Well,after jake told me,I called her.
250
00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:48,860
- Why?
- We have a little bet.
251
00:13:48,860 --> 00:13:52,040
It's not important.Okay,bye-bye!
252
00:13:55,770 --> 00:13:58,760
I mean,okay,I do care about my appearance.
253
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:02,520
Plus,I've got mother issues and a bit
of a flair for interior design.
254
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,810
You know,sconces,throw pillows,bric-a-brac.
255
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,830
But when it comes to penises,
I am pretty clear that
256
00:14:10,830 --> 00:14:14,250
The only one I want winking at me is my own.
257
00:14:16,130 --> 00:14:18,930
Who are you trying to convince here,
charlie,me or you?
258
00:14:18,930 --> 00:14:22,720
You.And than I want you to convince me.
259
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:25,360
Why do you need convincing?
260
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,740
- Wow,good question.
- Thanks.
261
00:14:27,740 --> 00:14:30,690
Once in a while I get a little wood on the balL.
262
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:33,790
I mean,it has been suggested to me that
263
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:37,590
all of my womanizing is just
my way of overcompensating.
264
00:14:37,590 --> 00:14:39,740
And who suggested that?
265
00:14:39,740 --> 00:14:44,830
Uh,mostly the women I was overcompensating
on top of.
266
00:14:44,830 --> 00:14:51,150
Well,this is a very interesting area,
but I'm afraid we're out of time.
267
00:14:51,150 --> 00:14:53,350
What?No,no,we can't stop here!
268
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:55,650
I have a patient waiting,charlie.
269
00:14:55,650 --> 00:14:57,700
Hold on a sec.
270
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:04,410
Here,go get yourself something to eat.
Come back in an hour.
271
00:15:08,210 --> 00:15:10,940
Okay,new clock.
272
00:15:12,430 --> 00:15:16,900
My mom took my temperature the baby way
till I was eight years old.
273
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,620
- Hey,dad?
- Yeah?
274
00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:48,960
It's okay if I'm not gay,right?
275
00:15:55,550 --> 00:15:59,180
Jake,listen,you and i ******
276
00:15:59,210 --> 00:16:01,090
***********
277
00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:02,830
*********
What do you need to talk about?
278
00:16:02,830 --> 00:16:05,970
It's boy-girl,stuff.
You wouldn't understand.
279
00:16:09,230 --> 00:16:11,250
Hey,alan,your mom called.
280
00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:13,940
- She gave me the news.
- Oh,god.
281
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,130
Come here.
282
00:16:17,460 --> 00:16:20,250
I'm proud of ya,zippy.
283
00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:25,200
The world is a much happier place once you figure
out whether you're the pin or the cushion.
284
00:16:27,690 --> 00:16:30,070
Good night.
285
00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:39,300
- Charlie?
- Yeah?
286
00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:42,020
I think I might be gay.
287
00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:45,960
What did you do,alan?
288
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,550
Nothing,but...
289
00:16:47,550 --> 00:16:50,300
I'm starting to put the pieces together.
290
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:53,360
Which piece did you put where,alan?
291
00:16:55,170 --> 00:16:59,350
I'm just thinking that I failed at every
female relationship I've ever had.
292
00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:03,380
Oh,come on.
That makes every man in the world gay.
293
00:17:04,770 --> 00:17:06,930
Let me finish.
294
00:17:06,930 --> 00:17:10,340
I've been unhappy for most of my life.
295
00:17:10,340 --> 00:17:13,870
I never really fit in anywhere.
296
00:17:13,870 --> 00:17:17,860
And now,suddenly,I'm happy.
297
00:17:17,860 --> 00:17:21,850
Some might even say I'm...glowing.
298
00:17:22,390 --> 00:17:26,700
There is a big leap between glowing
and flaming.
299
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:31,950
I'm just saying,this friendship with greg
has been,you know,
300
00:17:31,950 --> 00:17:34,550
so easy and-and fun,
301
00:17:34,550 --> 00:17:38,550
and everybody else justseems happier
thinking I'm gay.
302
00:17:39,570 --> 00:17:41,340
Maybe that's the answer.
303
00:17:41,340 --> 00:17:43,910
What was the question?
304
00:17:43,910 --> 00:17:46,300
Who is alan harper?
305
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:49,730
Well,that's easy.
*******
306
00:17:51,010 --> 00:17:54,070
Why is my sexuality so threatening to you?
307
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:57,220
It's not threatening.
308
00:17:57,220 --> 00:17:59,310
- I am not threatened.
- Is that so?
309
00:17:59,310 --> 00:18:03,200
Okay,okay,now you listen to me.
310
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,560
You're not gay,I'm not gay.
311
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:07,110
- Nobody's gay!
- Nobody's gay?
312
00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:09,930
Not in this house!
313
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:12,460
Where are you going?
314
00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:15,800
I have to buy some new hair conditioner!
315
00:18:19,230 --> 00:18:22,000
- So that was a good meeting tonight.
- It was okay.
316
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:25,220
But some of those single moms get real gossipy.
317
00:18:25,220 --> 00:18:27,920
Like rebecca milford?
318
00:18:28,980 --> 00:18:30,890
Did you see what she had on?
319
00:18:30,890 --> 00:18:34,240
Who could miss it?
A woman that size should not wear paisley.
320
00:18:35,370 --> 00:18:38,680
- Okay,thanks for the ride.
- Oh,no problem.
321
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:40,880
So,we still taking the kids to the mall saturday?
322
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:41,660
Are you kidding?
323
00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:45,370
I'm taking jake to the mall friday so he can
have cool clothes to wear to the mall saturday.
324
00:18:46,420 --> 00:18:48,790
So maybe I'll see you there friday.
325
00:18:48,790 --> 00:18:51,450
Okay.Bye-bye.
326
00:18:53,110 --> 00:18:55,280
-Greg,wait.
-Yeah?
327
00:19:02,580 --> 00:19:04,430
Yeah?
328
00:19:04,430 --> 00:19:06,640
What are you doing?
329
00:19:07,430 --> 00:19:11,970
Uh,I was just,you know...checking.
330
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,860
Checking what?
331
00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:16,150
332
00:19:16,150 --> 00:19:19,780
I just thought,uh,that,you know,possibly...
333
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,420
I might be...
334
00:19:23,420 --> 00:19:25,230
never mind.
335
00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:27,320
Alan,you're not gay.
336
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,350
Are you sure?
337
00:19:29,350 --> 00:19:31,960
Do you find me sexually attractive?
338
00:19:32,660 --> 00:19:33,540
No.
339
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:36,090
Do you find any man sexually attractive?
340
00:19:36,490 --> 00:19:37,400
No.
341
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,470
Uh,maybe george clooney.
342
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,160
Clooney doesn't count.
343
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:46,020
Trust me.
You're not gay.
344
00:19:47,390 --> 00:19:49,710
Okay...
345
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:52,470
You seem disappointed.
346
00:19:53,210 --> 00:19:54,440
I just...
347
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,560
I feel like I'm letting a lot of people down.
348
00:19:58,580 --> 00:20:00,670
Alan...
349
00:20:00,990 --> 00:20:03,920
it's okay to be straight.
350
00:20:04,630 --> 00:20:06,160
I guess.
351
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:08,370
So just to put all our cards on the table,you're,
352
00:20:08,370 --> 00:20:10,330
you're not at all attracted to me?
353
00:20:10,330 --> 00:20:12,320
No.You're not my type.
354
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,650
- Now,charlie,on the other hand...
- What about him?
355
00:20:14,650 --> 00:20:17,760
He's,uh...very pretty.
356
00:20:18,490 --> 00:20:20,770
- Get out of my car!
- What?
357
00:20:20,770 --> 00:20:23,850
You think charlie's so pretty,
go to the mall with charlie.
358
00:20:23,850 --> 00:20:25,400
Come on,alan,we're friends.
359
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:29,130
No,I'm always the friend.
Everybody wants charlie.
360
00:20:29,450 --> 00:20:30,850
You're not gay!
361
00:20:30,850 --> 00:20:34,780
Yeah,yeah,well,there's a principle involved.
Good night!
362
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,550
Suit yourself.
363
00:20:46,590 --> 00:20:51,310
Well,at least I know who I am.
364
00:20:52,310 --> 00:20:55,700
*******
365
00:20:58,180 --> 00:21:00,920
I can't believe you broke up with sophie's dad.
366
00:21:01,910 --> 00:21:03,390
I didn'T...
367
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,260
I'm not...
368
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,040
I'm sorry.
369
00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:12,920
You know what would help this room?
370
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:16,870
Get rid of all these lamps and
put in some track lighting.
371
00:21:16,870 --> 00:21:19,130
Much more flattering.
372
00:21:21,860 --> 00:21:25,720
- What are you eating?
- Lip gloss.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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