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1
00:00:05,755 --> 00:00:07,507
Candy:
Listen, listen!
2
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,801
Santa and the Board
are corrupt!
3
00:00:09,884 --> 00:00:12,971
This is going to end
starting here and now!
4
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:14,139
And I have a plan!
5
00:00:14,222 --> 00:00:15,598
-(all cheering)
-Cookie: Yes, Candy!
6
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:18,226
That's my best friend. Mine.
7
00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:22,147
Together, we are gonna burn
this mother to the ground!
8
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:25,442
(all cheering)
9
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:28,111
We can force them to change
10
00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:30,363
because we are
stronger together.
11
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:34,534
So, the plan is...
dramatic pause, drum roll...
12
00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:36,035
-a walkout!
-Crowd: Ahh.
13
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:37,328
On Christmas Eve,
14
00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:39,622
right before
the sleigh takes off.
15
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:43,626
Then, we will show
Santa and everyone
16
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:46,629
we are the ones who
make Santa Inc. run.
17
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:50,258
-Without us,
Christmas is nothing!
-(all cheering)
18
00:00:50,341 --> 00:00:51,468
I knew you'd
be into that.
19
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:53,762
(chuckles)
And I call this plan
20
00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,930
Operation Santa Stink.
21
00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,140
(confused grumbling)
22
00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:59,851
Get it? 'Cause instead
of "Inc.," it's "stink."
23
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,770
God, Jesus, you
guys are so picky.
24
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:05,648
What about...
Operation Fuck Santa?
25
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,525
(all cheering)
26
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,194
-Fuck Santa!
-Fuck him!
27
00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:12,197
Now listen to Candy.
You did once before.
28
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,656
Thanks, Mrs. C.
29
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:16,951
Now everyone,
for the next month,
act normal.
30
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:19,662
Get ready for Christmas Eve
like every other year.
31
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:22,373
We can't let
upper management
find out our plan.
32
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:26,878
The element of surprise
is everything, like this!
33
00:01:26,961 --> 00:01:29,297
(crowd cheers and whistles)
34
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:33,051
(joyful music playing)
35
00:01:42,101 --> 00:01:44,437
Jingle Jim,
I need you to go back
to work this month
36
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:46,648
and make sure
Santa stays oblivious.
37
00:01:46,731 --> 00:01:48,525
-You think you can do that?
-Uh, duh.
38
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:51,736
Keeping Santa in the dark
is my number one skill.
39
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,154
He still doesn't know
about the weekend
40
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,781
fuck-a-thons
in his office.
41
00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:56,199
What do you need
me to do, Candy?
42
00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,910
(gasps)
Ooh, can I be
one of those
43
00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:03,206
cool lady spies
who has to have sex
with all the bad guys,
44
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:05,333
so they'll stop being bad?
45
00:02:05,416 --> 00:02:07,877
Well, in a sense... yes.
46
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,463
Fuck yes! A new season
of "Leprechaun Kitchen"!
47
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:11,798
Best night ever!
48
00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:14,509
(music on TV)
♪ Come on in
and dance a jig ♪
49
00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:17,262
♪ See tiny hands make
food that's big ♪
50
00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:20,598
♪ Leprechaun's Kitchen,
oh yeah ♪
51
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:21,891
Dave-Pierre:
When Christmas Eve is done,
52
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,561
you'll come back to me
and the Thirsty Deer, right?
53
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:27,313
Because... I...
54
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,900
-I love you.
-(chuckles) Oh!
55
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:35,363
Oh my. How, uh...
how... super.
56
00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:36,906
Oh, okay.
57
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,158
So, you don't
love me back.
That's cool.
58
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:40,368
My ego can handle it.
59
00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:41,911
I'm sorry, Dave-Pierre,
60
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,663
I'm just figuring
out who I am
61
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:46,291
after years as
a powerful man's wife.
62
00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:47,917
I think I just
need to explore
63
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:51,170
what it means
to be just Leonard.
64
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:55,341
You rejecting me
to reclaim your autonomy
is so fucking hot, Leonard.
65
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:58,678
But, just know,
I would love,
to one day...
66
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:01,306
-put a baby in there.
-(Mrs. Claus laughs)
67
00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:03,474
That is so sweet.
68
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:05,560
I'm almost 80.
69
00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:12,275
What the fuck?
Eamon's going home?
70
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:13,776
His cabbage and mash
was the shit.
71
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,778
That looked delicious.
Did you see his plating?
72
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,614
I know,
but Shannon's
soda bread
73
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,365
was the best
Chef ever had.
74
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,783
Fuck Shannon
and fuck Chef!
75
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,620
I don't care how
many Michelin Clovers
that asshole has.
76
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:24,996
He's a pretentious prick.
77
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:27,999
Baby!
78
00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:31,085
You're back! Mmm.
79
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:34,172
Hi...
I used your moisturizer.
Uh, is that all right?
80
00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:37,383
Nick!
Is Devin, uh,
living here?
81
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:38,593
Of course not! No!
82
00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:40,178
(softly):
Go, Devin. Leave.
Beat it, kid.
83
00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:43,056
"Kid"?
What happened to "Dr. D."?
84
00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:45,308
I'm sorry, I don't
have anywhere to go.
85
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:47,143
My parents can't
handle all the paparazzi.
86
00:03:47,226 --> 00:03:49,437
-It's fine. You can stay.
-Cool!
87
00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:52,690
Let me just say,
I am so sorry.
88
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:55,234
I'm sure you
wanna have a big talk
about all your issues,
89
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,070
which is obviously great,
90
00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:58,655
and exactly
what I wanna do.
91
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:01,950
Actually,
I'm pretty exhausted.
92
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:04,744
Can we not
do the whole
relationship talk
93
00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:06,996
-(chuckles) right now?
-Yes, yes, of course!
94
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,540
Whenever is good for you,
and if that means not ever
95
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:11,334
rehashing every inch
of our relationship,
96
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:12,585
which I'm totally
happy to do,
97
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,671
then, let's not
do that, ever.
98
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,006
Oh my god.
Oh god.
99
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,050
You know,
I am aware...
(sniffs)
100
00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:21,010
that you, probably,
fucked that bartender,
101
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,470
but if that
means we get
to eat cupcakes,
102
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:24,347
I am--
I am okay
with that.
103
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:25,848
Yeah!
And, hey,
104
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:27,850
I have no idea what
you're talkin' about,
105
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,686
but I like
this setup.
106
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,980
Should we order wings,
and play Never Have I Ever?
107
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,898
Oh. (chuckles)
108
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:36,025
Ho, ho, ho.
Ho, ho, ho.
109
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,319
(all laughing)
110
00:04:43,574 --> 00:04:45,952
(garbage disposal whirring)
111
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:52,917
What's up,
motherfuckers?!
We're back!
112
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,336
And, this time,
we're living
here forever.
113
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,171
(sarcastically):
You squandered all the money?
114
00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,340
Shocking.
I should've put money on that.
115
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:03,177
No, we missed you,
Candy the Cynic.
116
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,303
Yeah, we did.
117
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:05,722
And we squandered it.
118
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,056
Except for what
we used on that
119
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,558
high-powered
English attorney
120
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:09,851
to get ya
outta jail.
121
00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,019
Wait, hold on.
122
00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:12,562
Biscuit said
she was paid by
123
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:14,105
rapists
and degenerates--
124
00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:16,065
-Oh.
-Grandpa Smalls:
In the Jewish religion,
125
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,401
a true gift
of charity
is anonymous.
126
00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:20,236
It's called tzedakah.
127
00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:21,821
But in the Smalls
family tradition,
128
00:05:21,904 --> 00:05:24,157
you wanna know how
much we had to fork
out to spring you?
129
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,410
Aww, no, no need,
but that is so nice.
130
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:28,953
It's almost like,
I don't know,
131
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:31,247
something people who
love each other would do.
132
00:05:31,330 --> 00:05:32,457
Get over here.
133
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,167
Candy, you're
my only sister,
134
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:36,085
and I've gotta
tell you somethin'
from the heart--
135
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,005
Hold on.
I have to say
this right now...
136
00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:41,007
-(flatulence)
-Oh, what the fuck?!
137
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:43,134
That's what
I was gonna do!
Come here!
138
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:46,054
-Fuckin' fart on you!
-(flatulence)
139
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:47,513
Candy:
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
140
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:52,351
Help me!
Someone is attacking
my... daughter!
141
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:56,105
(hopeful music plays)
142
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,066
(intense music plays)
143
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:00,318
Candy:
The most important
plan of action,
144
00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:04,614
do not let the A-Team eat
those Christmas Spirit Bars...
145
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:08,367
by any means necessary.
146
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,203
We're talking trespassing.
147
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:16,167
Unbelievably
realistic disguises.
148
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:20,213
Even it if means
tampering with the Christmas
chocolate supply.
149
00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:23,508
♪ ♪
150
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:31,182
We're using our
most intelligent
inside resources
151
00:06:31,265 --> 00:06:33,851
to intervene
in the energy bar swap.
152
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:36,104
Yes, everyone,
I work here again.
153
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:37,230
You don't have to act cool.
154
00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:39,857
I know you missed me.
155
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,776
She was?
156
00:06:41,859 --> 00:06:45,571
We live in a nightmare
dumpster fire of hell!
157
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,491
Oh, oh yeah.
158
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:52,328
(upbeat music playing)
159
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,298
Candy:
This year, we're fixing
the sins of the past.
160
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:10,930
As God as my witness,
161
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:13,015
as long as I live,
162
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:19,522
there will be no meth addiction
at Santa Inc. ever again!
163
00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:22,150
I promise you that.
164
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,320
♪ ♪
165
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:37,206
(both grunting)
166
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,750
This is so annoying!
Where's my fuckin' rush?!
167
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,711
Normally, after this many
Christmas Spirit Bars,
168
00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:42,962
I feel like a Norse God
169
00:07:43,045 --> 00:07:45,298
commanding the sea
to kill my enemies,
170
00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:47,633
but I just feel blah.
171
00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:52,263
Ah, ah, I feel
like I have lice.
172
00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:54,223
-Is it supposed
to be this itchy?
-I don't know.
173
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,809
-Jingle Jim, is it
supposed to be that itchy?
-No idea.
174
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,228
Candy is
in charge of all
the fabric choices.
175
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,147
And I know it's a hat,
but I feel like it makes
176
00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:03,316
my ass look fatter.
Is that bad or good?
177
00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:05,568
‘Cause like,
do I wanna leave some
up to the imagination?
178
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:08,362
I know it's on-brand,
I know some people
like fat asses.
179
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:09,447
Will you just shut up?!
180
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,157
None of you know anything!
I need Candy!
181
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,450
(all gasp)
182
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,620
It's a word
as well as a name,
183
00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:17,079
and I got that
low blood suge,
184
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,372
so I need some candy.
185
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:19,373
That's what I meant.
186
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:21,083
Skittles or some fuckin' Twix,
187
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,753
or a, a Rollo
or some fuckin' shit.
188
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:25,213
Someone go get me
some fuckin' candy!
189
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:26,505
Coming right up, sir.
190
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,633
And can I get anyone
an espresso drink?
191
00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:29,425
Scones?
192
00:08:29,508 --> 00:08:31,177
I'll take
a double shot.
193
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:33,596
I'm the best employee
that ever lived!
194
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,098
(snoring)
195
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,517
(sighs)
So, does Candy
think my thing
196
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:39,936
with Devin is
a total joke?
197
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:41,604
I don't know.
We haven't talked about it.
198
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:44,899
Ha! There's no way Candy
hasn't talked tons of shit.
199
00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:46,025
I saw her once,
200
00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:47,735
and your name
didn't even come up.
201
00:08:47,818 --> 00:08:49,987
Mm-hm, so what did
y'all talk about then?
202
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,697
Oh, you know us...
(chuckles)
203
00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:53,658
topical world
issues and such.
204
00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:57,119
Uh... events...
that are current.
205
00:08:57,203 --> 00:09:00,748
Really?
Say one thing related
to the topics of today.
206
00:09:00,831 --> 00:09:03,668
There was an election
in some continents,
207
00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:06,837
and, you know,
people like, uh,
they got involved in it,
208
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:09,465
and some, uh,
super fucked-up
shit went down.
209
00:09:09,548 --> 00:09:12,176
Busted!
You lying friend
of a shit talker!
210
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:15,721
-I'm not lying!
-Of course, you are!
You're a nervous wreck.
211
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,807
No, sir. I am chill.
212
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:21,018
So chill.
Just a big bowl of chili.
213
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:23,062
Where's the hot sauce?
214
00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:26,315
Then why have
you stress-eaten
half of your husband?
215
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,859
-Oh my god!
-Spill it! Right now!
216
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:31,654
Fine, Candy is planning
a walkout on Christmas Eve,
217
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:34,282
so Santa will realize how
important we workers are,
218
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:36,200
and finally make
some changes!
219
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:38,494
Mmm, mm, mm, mm.
220
00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:41,247
Cookie, I wish you
had the guts to admit
221
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:45,334
Candy's talking shit
instead of making up
crazy crap like that.
222
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,503
You're on my list, too!
223
00:09:47,586 --> 00:09:50,131
Oh, oh my god.
Oh, I had this nightmare
224
00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:51,841
that someone threw
a grenade at my legs,
225
00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:53,175
and they were blown off.
226
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:55,386
(yawns)
But it was just a dream.
227
00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:58,347
(gasps)
Ahh!
228
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:01,684
(joyful music plays)
229
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,144
Today is your big day,
230
00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:06,230
since you'll most likely never
find someone to marry you.
231
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:09,650
I can't wait
‘til you open it.
It's a hat.
232
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:12,570
Oh my god...
Dad's coal miner hat?
233
00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:15,364
Yes, your father is
lookin' down on us,
234
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,325
and is very proud of you,
235
00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:18,576
but if I know him...
236
00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:20,745
stop staring
at my tits, Dave!
237
00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:22,705
You said you
buried this with Dad.
238
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:25,041
Wait, I've seen this
before but upside down.
239
00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:27,460
Oh, you keep
your dildos in this,
240
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:30,463
but I mean... thank you.
241
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:32,715
Tony:
Got a little somethin'
in my eye here.
242
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,718
I can feel you
picking my pocket.
243
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,136
Junior:
I'm the leader of the sleigh.
244
00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:38,804
I can be late,
like a fuckin' boss,
245
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,973
but I can't be
actually late!
Jesus!
246
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:44,644
Any idiot knows you take
the desolate back roads
on Christmas Eve.
247
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:47,563
-What's wrong with you?
-This mornin' at breakfast,
248
00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:51,108
my wife told me
she was in love
with a woman.
249
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,069
-This shit is insane.
-It's actually not.
250
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:56,906
-She was a lesbian when we met.
-Ahh! Fuck you, Penguin!
251
00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:58,699
I wasn't done
speakin' to you.
252
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,576
(horns honking)
253
00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:02,328
(car radio plays)
254
00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:04,288
-(phone beeps)
-Oh fuck!
255
00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:10,211
-(thud, tires screeching)
-Ahh!
256
00:11:10,294 --> 00:11:12,296
(horn blaring)
257
00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:22,306
Oh fuck, oh fuck,
oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.
258
00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:28,020
Junior?
259
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:30,314
(grunting)
260
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:34,777
I didn't see you.
261
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,612
No shit, you stupid asshole!
262
00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:38,280
Women drivers should be shot!
263
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:42,076
(gasps)
My nose! My fucking nose!
Get me help!
264
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:44,912
-I will. Let me just--
-Learn how to not
be a dumb shit?
265
00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:46,205
Impossible! Now, come on!
266
00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:50,418
Move yo' ass!
Ow! Ah! Ah, shit!
267
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,253
Take your little
bitch elf digits,
268
00:11:52,336 --> 00:11:54,088
and call
a fuckin' ambulance.
269
00:11:54,171 --> 00:11:55,714
Move faster!
270
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:59,301
I'm suffering,
you insufferable
idiot elf!
271
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,556
Come on! Do something!
272
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:05,891
I'm really hurt!
273
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,726
I realize that...
274
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,645
you fucking caribou.
275
00:12:09,728 --> 00:12:12,815
T-Then, why aren't
you callin' for help?
276
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:16,944
I'm, I'm sorry.
You're not a loser.
277
00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:18,195
You're so fuckin' hot.
278
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:20,823
Once they stitch me up,
I will totally fuck you.
279
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,908
Now go and call, please!
280
00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:25,953
(coughing)
281
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:32,501
I hate... you.
282
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:33,627
(grunts)
283
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:43,304
Whoa.
284
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,977
(singing):
♪ Christmas is here ♪
285
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:52,229
♪ Let's all give
a cheer, hurray ♪
286
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,440
♪ We've waited 365 days ♪
287
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:56,942
♪ For Christmas to be here ♪
288
00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:59,278
♪ Pine trees we can smell ♪
289
00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:00,946
♪ Jingle a bell ♪
290
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,866
♪ Toss a ball of snow,
come on, Santa, let's go ♪
291
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:06,285
♪ Christmas is here ♪
292
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:09,246
Hmm, big crowd.
293
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,790
-How's it going?
-Perfectly according to plan
294
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,043
as it does
every year.
295
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:16,921
Coolio, featuring L.V.
296
00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:19,173
Let's go get these
meet-and-greets
out of the way.
297
00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:22,551
Oh my god, finally!
298
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:26,472
Sorry, sorry.
There was insane,
um, traffic.
299
00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:29,767
-Hey, Candy, we're all set up.
-Candy: Thanks, D.P.
300
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,227
But, Cookie,
why are you here?
301
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,395
I thought you were supposed
to be loading up the sleigh?
302
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:34,855
Nope, I quit today.
303
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,233
I'm officially
a stay-at-home
mom now!
304
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:38,484
But I wanted
to wish you luck.
305
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:40,069
Yeah, thanks.
Th-Thank you, Cookie.
306
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:41,862
And, and, and
I'm so happy for you.
307
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:44,406
-You seemed freaked out.
-It's just--
308
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,784
What if I did
something really bad,
309
00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:51,121
but, you know, ultimately,
it-it's for the greater good?
310
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:53,374
Did you hire
a hitman to kill Craig?
311
00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:54,959
-Because we're good now.
-(alarm sounds)
312
00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:57,127
Jingle Jim (on speaker):
Greetings! It's sundown here
313
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,630
at lovely Santa Inc.,
which means...
314
00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:03,300
Operation Fuck Santa begins!
315
00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:05,094
What the fuck?
316
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,513
(singing)
♪ The walkout is here ♪
317
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:09,974
♪ Walkout, walkout ♪
318
00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:14,270
♪ Let's all give
a cheer, hurrah ♪
319
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,438
♪ Waited all our lives
on a compromise ♪
320
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,983
♪ And the walkout
is finally here ♪
321
00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:20,985
♪ Our souls we did sell ♪
322
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:23,195
♪ You can all go to hell ♪
323
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:24,780
Last year
I lost a toe!
324
00:14:24,863 --> 00:14:26,282
Santa's such
a fucking schmo!
325
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,951
But I can still walk
the fuck outta here!
326
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:33,414
-(workers cheering)
-(Devin whimpering)
327
00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:37,543
♪ I bled for this company ♪
328
00:14:37,626 --> 00:14:40,963
♪ Green and red ♪
329
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:44,967
♪ Now my bank account's empty ♪
330
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:48,971
♪ And my heart is dead ♪
331
00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:53,559
♪ The walkout is ♪
332
00:14:53,642 --> 00:15:00,274
♪ Finally, finally, finally ♪
333
00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:02,109
Jesus Christ, finally!
334
00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:07,031
♪ The walkout is finally here ♪
335
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,076
What the hell is this?
336
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,413
A walkout,
sweetie. Bye!
337
00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:18,459
- Health care is a...
-Workers: Right!
338
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:20,419
Maternity leave is not...
339
00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:21,837
A vacation!
340
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,172
Hazard Pay...
341
00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:24,298
Is earned!
342
00:15:24,381 --> 00:15:25,883
Santa and the Board can...
343
00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:28,302
Workers:
Suck our dicks!
344
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,097
Look, I know you all have
a lotta gripes with me,
345
00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:33,515
and how I run Santa Inc.,
346
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:37,227
but are you so out
to just fuck me
347
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,980
that you would destroy Christmas
for millions of children--
348
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,524
Okay, enough!
You're not gonna
manipulate me again!
349
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,610
No way!
What about the kids--
350
00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:47,404
What about the kids
of the people who work
for your company?
351
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,823
You've been screwing
them for generations!
352
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,909
So, so, no, don't
give me that kid crap.
353
00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:53,452
You don't
care about kids.
354
00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:54,912
You care
about yourself.
355
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:56,288
You don't know what
you're talking about.
356
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:59,083
You know, I didn't.
But now I do.
357
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:01,001
I know everything, Santa.
358
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:02,711
I know everything.
359
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,089
About the meth,
and the bribes,
360
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:07,174
and the payoffs
to coal families,
361
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:10,511
and the illegal titanium
exported from arms dealers
362
00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:13,764
in the Middle East to use
in your lap implants.
363
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:15,974
That's a lie!
What are you even
talkin' about?
364
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:18,310
Are you high right now?
You look really high right now.
365
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,646
Your pupils are
huge and tiny
at the same time,
366
00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:21,855
and you look fucked!
367
00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:24,733
I know I'm right,
and I can go right now,
368
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,819
and tell the press,
tell everyone,
369
00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:28,278
and you will go down in history
370
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:32,408
as the most corrupt
Santa who has ever lived.
371
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:36,412
Or... you can agree
right now to meet
the workers' demands.
372
00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:39,623
Maternity leave,
coal miners
retirement pensions,
373
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:42,876
not to mention
the lack of any real
health care system.
374
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,087
And if you finally
address these issues,
375
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:48,966
I can agree to keep
my mouth shut about
your real legacy.
376
00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:50,217
It's up to you.
377
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,094
This isn't about them, Candy.
378
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,345
This is about you.
379
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:54,972
Pfft, you're so wrong.
380
00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:59,351
Well, take it from someone
who knows, one day, it will be.
381
00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:04,022
All:
Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho! Ho!
Santa Claus has got to go!
382
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:09,069
Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho! Ho!
Santa Claus has got to go!
383
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,697
Everyone!
Santa and I have spoken.
384
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:14,324
Turns out,
he's a reasonable man,
385
00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,869
and he's agreed to our demands!
386
00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:18,203
(cheering)
387
00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:21,165
He agreed to implement
maternity leave.
388
00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:23,292
-(cheering)
-What the fuck?
389
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:24,835
And I missed out on it?
390
00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:27,463
Oh well,
I guess Chubby Brenda
can come clean now.
391
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:31,341
Everyone!
Brenda's not chubby!
She's having twins!
392
00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:32,509
(cheering)
393
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:35,721
He agreed to give
the coal miners a fair pension,
394
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:39,391
so they can retire with
the dignity they deserve.
395
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:43,145
Lumpy,
now you can afford
those dick implants!
396
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:46,815
No more stuffin'
penny rolls down
your Speedo!
397
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,233
Congrats, Lumpy!
398
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:51,570
And congrats to all
of you because we did it!
399
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:55,157
And now, we will finally
be treated fairly...
400
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:56,658
(cheering)
401
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:59,161
which is why we need to...
402
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:02,080
abort Operation
Fuck Santa Claus,
403
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:06,585
get back to work,
and make this the best
Christmas ever.
404
00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:09,296
(confused chatter)
405
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:12,174
I know this seems confusing.
406
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:14,760
Walking out just so
we can walk back in?
407
00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:18,388
I mean, uh, what kind
of nutty protest is this?
408
00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:21,517
But Santa agreed
to our most basic demands,
409
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,687
so I'm confident more
change is on the horizon.
410
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,606
And when you really
think about it,
411
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:30,150
you know, when you're a kid,
there's only one day a year
412
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,569
more special than any other day.
413
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:36,532
One day where you get
presents just for being you.
414
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:39,493
Even if on other days
your mom snaps at you,
415
00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:41,245
or your brother is annoying,
416
00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:45,749
or... or your dad never
makes it home from work.
417
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,876
There's one day
418
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:52,214
when the world smiles down,
and says, "You matter, kiddo."
419
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:53,966
And that day is Christmas.
420
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:56,718
And we are the magic
behind that day.
421
00:18:56,802 --> 00:19:00,305
And, to me...
that's pretty fuckin' huge.
422
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:02,891
So, come on, guys!
Let's get back to work,
423
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:06,395
and get these fuckin' kids
some fuckin' presents!
424
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:12,025
- Feliz Navidad, motherfuckers!
-(all cheering)
425
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:16,321
Lookin' good, guys.
Stacks go by continent,
you know, there you go!
426
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:19,199
Uh, so is this when
I give the pep talk
to the reindeer?
427
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:20,492
That, that happens
tonight, right?
428
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:23,036
It's that time.
How you feelin', champ?
429
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,538
I guess, okay.
430
00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:27,040
Um... I'm so nervous
I wish I was dead,
431
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,209
-but, otherwise, I'm fine.
-Yeah, okay, well,
432
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,836
maybe, don't worry
about that right now.
433
00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:33,088
Just, you know,
enjoy the ride.
434
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,340
Woo, woo, woo,
woo, woo, woo!
435
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:39,511
Yeah! Hello A-Team!
436
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:42,097
-You all good?
-No, idiot, we're wiped out.
437
00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:44,308
I've never felt
so tired in my life.
438
00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:45,475
And Junior's missing.
439
00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:47,603
Wait, what?!
Junior is missing?
440
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:48,979
I--
Where could he be?
441
00:19:49,062 --> 00:19:49,938
That, that's crazy!
442
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,523
How-- Who could
see that coming?
443
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,442
Hello?
Is there a problem?
444
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:55,027
Junior is missing!
445
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:57,029
It's bad!
It's really, really bad!
446
00:19:57,112 --> 00:19:59,823
Just stop panicking, Devin!
Ugh, chill out!
447
00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:02,034
-(Devin crying)
-But this seems bad!
448
00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:03,952
Is it bad?!
It seems really bad!
449
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,787
It's okay. You guys
get on the sleigh.
450
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,290
We have systems
in place to handle this.
451
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:14,338
-You're up, bitch.
-What?
452
00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:17,299
Junior isn't here.
We don't have time
to wait for him.
453
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:20,844
No one's more capable
to lead that sleigh
than you, Goldie.
454
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:22,429
And that goes
for all of you.
455
00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:24,306
You've been
training hard
all year.
456
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:27,142
The A-Team doesn't
have the strength
to do it this year,
457
00:20:27,225 --> 00:20:30,437
but you guys do!
So, come on!
It's go time!
458
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,981
Yes, ma'am, bitch!
459
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,858
-Oh, what a relief.
-I couldn't have made it.
460
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:37,444
Jesus, I could
sleep for a year.
461
00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:40,989
-You're gonna do great.
-Thanks. I love you.
462
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,366
But, hey, what
about the light?
463
00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:45,702
Junior leads the sleigh
with the glow from his nose.
464
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:52,167
This really means
the world to me.
465
00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:53,835
Is it supposed
to smell like dildos?
466
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:56,630
That's on purpose.
Now kick ass up there, bitch.
467
00:20:56,713 --> 00:20:59,049
Ah! Goldie!
Oh my god!
468
00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:01,051
Your dream is
coming true!
469
00:21:01,134 --> 00:21:03,220
And we all love
each other again!
470
00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:05,514
Ah, my girls,
my sisters.
471
00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:07,265
The big three,
we're back, baby!
472
00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:12,354
(cries)
This is a beautiful
moment for friendship.
473
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:14,272
I love you guys,
but can we do this tomorrow?
474
00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:16,316
I gotta go!
475
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,735
Tell me what the back
of Dolly Parton's
476
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,320
house looks like!
477
00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:28,912
Merry Christmas!
And to all a kick-ass night!
478
00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:30,080
Peace!
479
00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:31,373
(cheering)
480
00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:37,129
-Secure line for Santa.
-Go for Santa.
481
00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:40,799
It's Candy, sir.
I just wanted to say before
you left, you were right.
482
00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:42,259
It is all about the kids.
483
00:21:42,342 --> 00:21:43,468
I'm glad you realized that.
484
00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:45,303
-Candy: One more thing.
-What's that?
485
00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:47,556
Remember I know everything...
486
00:21:47,639 --> 00:21:50,142
so I own you, fat man.
487
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,647
♪ ♪
488
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:57,858
(chuckles)
489
00:21:57,941 --> 00:22:01,319
Oh... we have fun.
490
00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:07,325
(ominous music playing)
491
00:22:18,378 --> 00:22:20,005
(light fizzling)
492
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:25,302
(upbeat music playing)
493
00:22:42,944 --> 00:22:45,322
♪ ♪
494
00:22:57,167 --> 00:23:01,296
♪ Santa, Santa, Santa,
Santa, Santa, Santa ♪
495
00:23:01,379 --> 00:23:05,634
♪ Santa, Santa, Santa,
Santa, Santa, Santa ♪
496
00:23:05,717 --> 00:23:09,971
♪ Santa, Santa, Santa,
Santa, Santa, Santa ♪
497
00:23:10,055 --> 00:23:14,392
♪ Santa, Santa, Santa,
Santa, Santa, Santa ♪
498
00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:18,313
♪ Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa ♪
36968
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