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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:08,383 ♪ You were like a father to me ♪ 2 00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:11,886 ♪ Because you were my dad ♪ 3 00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:15,348 ♪ Ever since your tragic death ♪ 4 00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:18,476 ♪ My heart it hurts real bad ♪ 5 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,062 ♪ Our dicks were identical ♪ 6 00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:23,606 ♪ The veins, the shaft, the girth ♪ 7 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,776 ♪ Our junk separated at birth ♪ 8 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,362 ♪ Father son schlong, father son dong ♪ 9 00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:32,031 -Catchin' up on some porn, huh? -Uh, that's right, boss. 10 00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:33,825 Just porning it up at the office. 11 00:00:33,908 --> 00:00:35,285 Well, if you need to finish, you know, 12 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:37,537 flickin' it, or, uh, whatever you're doin' down there, 13 00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:38,955 you know, just slappin' your flaps, 14 00:00:39,038 --> 00:00:41,708 -I can duck out. Just let me know. -Oh god, stop. 15 00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:44,002 I was actually just watching a dumb music video 16 00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:46,671 my brother made for the anniversary of our dad's death. 17 00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:49,466 Your dad would be so proud of you, Candy. 18 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,092 Acting number two at Santa Inc., 19 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:52,135 you're a guest of Santa at his 20 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:53,470 South Pole Villa this weekend, 21 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,722 -you're a very snappy dresser-- -Back it up, back it up 22 00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:57,682 to the South Pole Villa part. 23 00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,476 Oh, I want you to come there with me and the Board. 24 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,686 I'm doin' trips with all the top Successor contenders. 25 00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:04,939 We did a wine tasting last weekend with Timmy the Toy Guy. 26 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:06,649 What can I say? He was a fun hang. 27 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,234 He's pullin' toys out all the fuckin' time. 28 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,737 -It's just inherently fun. -Oh, I'm so happy for Timmy, 29 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:13,072 the totally uninteresting white male choice 30 00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:14,657 that will do nothing for this company. 31 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,284 You know what it could be, is a good chance 32 00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:17,660 for you to wipe away the memory of your 33 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,162 State of the Workshop hell speech. 34 00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:20,997 I mean, "hell speech" is probably too harsh. 35 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,500 Uh, "Nightmare speech"? "Apocalypse speech"? 36 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:25,001 You know, all those sound worse. 37 00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:27,128 -Are ya in? -Fuck yes! Wow. 38 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,755 Be a fun hang, like Timmy. 39 00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:31,591 You know, be yourself, but the most Timmy 40 00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:32,801 version of yourself. 41 00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:35,220 I assumed you knew I was infamously 42 00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:37,555 one of the most fun people who's ever existed. 43 00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,682 Mm-hm, yeah, sure. If you say so. 44 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,518 Even penguins think I'm funny. 45 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,061 And you know what a tough crowd 46 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:45,271 those miserable motherfuckers are. 47 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,899 (joyful music playing) 48 00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:53,321 (horn honks) 49 00:01:57,826 --> 00:01:59,828 -Candy: I'm fun, right? -Goldie: Of course. 50 00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:02,580 Why would I, a woman, whose motto is, 51 00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:04,123 "I live for dick," 52 00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:05,542 have a best friend who sucked? 53 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,961 Your impressions make everyone so happy. 54 00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:09,462 Remember in high school when you crank called 55 00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,548 your mother and pretended to be Tom Selleck? 56 00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:15,176 "I would love to devour your hot bod, Mrs. Smalls." 57 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:18,721 "Let Magnum whisk you away to Hawaii." 58 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,057 You guys are right. I rule. 59 00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:23,059 I just hope that Santa and the Board 60 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,602 see in me what you see. 61 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:26,062 Would you guys wanna come? 62 00:02:26,145 --> 00:02:27,856 Santa said I could bring guests. 63 00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:31,150 -South Pole, here we come! -(all cheering) 64 00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:32,360 What the fuck, Cookie? 65 00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:34,571 I have to babysit while you go on vacation? 66 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:38,241 You don't babysit your own child, asshole! 67 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:39,617 And if you deny me this, 68 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:42,161 the next time your body will be touched by my hands 69 00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:43,788 is when I shove you down the stairs 70 00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,748 -to get your life insurance. -Take all the time ya need. 71 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,418 I'll be here, babysitting, ehh, with the kid, eh, 72 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:49,961 come back when y-- Bye voyage. 73 00:02:50,044 --> 00:02:51,963 Devin: Let's go over what we know: 74 00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:55,592 Santa and the Board are all male and all white. 75 00:02:55,675 --> 00:03:00,054 Their average age is 67 because they're all 67. 76 00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,807 They play golf, drink, smoke cigars, 77 00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,602 say things like, "deregulation," 78 00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:07,520 and "quarterly earnings," 79 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,689 and "don't ever marry your mistress." 80 00:03:09,772 --> 00:03:10,899 Oh, I know how to play golf. 81 00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,775 I, I played with my dad all the time. 82 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,319 I'm actually pretty good. 83 00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:17,405 What I need to learn is how to bro out with these guys. 84 00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:19,324 You know, shoot the shit, do shots, 85 00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:21,075 shoot shots of shit, whatever. 86 00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:22,744 Oh, you've come to the right guy. 87 00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:25,455 The Board are exactly like my frat bros, 88 00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:28,291 except they pop Viagra instead of Adderall. 89 00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:30,418 Now we have 48 hours of cramming to do. 90 00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:32,253 Let's go over that dirty joke again. 91 00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:35,590 A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sit at a bar. 92 00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:38,301 (motivational music playing) 93 00:03:47,101 --> 00:03:49,979 ♪ ♪ 94 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:58,321 (razor buzzing) 95 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,493 Look at me. 96 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:06,079 I look hot enough to melt the polar ice caps. 97 00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:08,456 Billions would perish, but I don't care 98 00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:12,085 'cause I look great in a bathing suit. 99 00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:15,922 What's wrong? You love it when I pretend I'm not an old bag of shit. 100 00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:18,424 I am feeling a little down lately. 101 00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,510 This morning, I put an English muffin in our toaster, 102 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,387 and I just stared at the toaster until 103 00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:23,846 the English muffin... 104 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,682 popped back up. 105 00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,809 Have you ever done that? Just stared. 106 00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:29,769 Is it gonna do what it always does? 107 00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:31,854 And then, it does. 108 00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,147 I guess it's a relief. 109 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,358 You're the most beautiful Mrs. Claus 110 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:36,693 since the beginning of time. 111 00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,070 This vacation is going to be great. 112 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:41,614 All I want is to see if Candy can hold her own, 113 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:44,033 and to fuck my lady in our new jacuzzi 114 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,201 with the underwater TVs. 115 00:04:45,284 --> 00:04:48,496 (sighs) I wonder what the toaster's up to. 116 00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:50,081 Candy: Gone for the weekend, suckers. 117 00:04:50,164 --> 00:04:51,708 Don't miss me too much, and don't-- 118 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,835 Oh, would you look at this, Candy. 119 00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:55,336 Isn't it beautiful? 120 00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,630 My retirement plan. 121 00:04:57,714 --> 00:05:00,133 A betting pool to decide the future Successor. 122 00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:03,261 Ha, ha, yes. Grandpa is a genius. 123 00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:05,888 We Smalls are gonna make it rain in this bitch! 124 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,098 This is very illegal. 125 00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:08,725 You could go to jail for this. 126 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:10,893 What? At least I'd get three hots 127 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,270 and a cot in the clink. 128 00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:14,522 My miner's pension is a hundred bucks a month 129 00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:15,982 and a sock full of coal. 130 00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:17,942 Oh my god, that is so bad. 131 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:20,528 But when I'm Successor, I can change things. 132 00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:22,989 Okay, let's see how I'm doing. 133 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:25,825 The bottom?! This is fucked! 134 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:28,077 I'm better than Male Human Shit! 135 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,996 You'll see! You'll all see! 136 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:34,000 (ship horn blows) 137 00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:36,878 Holy motherfuckin' ship. 138 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:38,880 Yep, Santa's private yacht. 139 00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:40,256 The "Twelve Twenty-Six." 140 00:05:40,339 --> 00:05:43,551 Built a hundred years ago entirely by Elf labor. 141 00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:46,596 Get ready to set sail on my Great-Grandpa's sweat. 142 00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:47,805 This is so fun! 143 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:49,932 I "forgot" my wedding ring at home, 144 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,560 so, technically, I am back on the market! 145 00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:56,022 Cruisin' into some D! Ding-Ding! Dicks ahoy! 146 00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:58,274 Hey! I wanted to wish you luck. 147 00:05:58,357 --> 00:06:01,903 Good tidings, Mademoiselle Goldie. 148 00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:05,281 Uh, would you do me the honor of going on 149 00:06:05,364 --> 00:06:07,950 a petite date with me when you're back 150 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,368 from this little journey? 151 00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:12,455 I'm not looking for any more rando hook-ups, okay? 152 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:14,832 I need a real adult with a career. 153 00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:17,960 Not some college slob with a boner in his cargo shorts. 154 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,420 Ah, I'm sorry. 155 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,130 Captain: Get ready for an adventure 156 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,382 unlike anything ya ever experienced. 157 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:27,053 Unless ya done Molly and Oxy together, which I just did. 158 00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:30,056 And I should not be operating heavy machinery right now, 159 00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:31,474 but fuck it! 160 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,226 All aboard! 161 00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:35,937 (drill whirring) 162 00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:42,568 -Candy: What? -Cookie/Goldie: Huh? 163 00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,489 All: Ooh! Wow! 164 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,496 Candy: Men of the Board, after that wild ride, 165 00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:56,582 let me give you a little sorbet to cleanse the palate. 166 00:06:56,666 --> 00:07:00,628 My personal, very own impression of Santa. 167 00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:04,006 "Did I tell you I chose the first Black Successor? 168 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:07,260 If you forget, I'll remind you until you die." 169 00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:09,804 -(all laughing) -You sound exactly like him. 170 00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:14,725 (beat music plays) 171 00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:16,936 -What's he doin' here? -What the fuck? Is he crashing? 172 00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:17,895 He's crashing. 173 00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:19,188 I'm here not to vacation, 174 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,149 but to recover from surgery. 175 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:24,152 (grunts) I gave my Grandma half of my liver. 176 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:27,196 It was very painful, but ah, ah... 177 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,030 it was worth it. 178 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,241 So giving, or dare I say, 179 00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:31,742 Me-esque. 180 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,077 Come stay with us for the weekend. 181 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:36,539 No more talking! I insist. You're coming. 182 00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,708 Why are you crashing? You get your own event. 183 00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:41,627 I'm workin' my way up the list of contenders, bottom to top. 184 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,129 Bang, bang, bang. 185 00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:45,256 And you're first, so prepare for Hell, 186 00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:46,716 'cause I'm startin' Smalls. 187 00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:49,135 Pun intended. 188 00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:51,387 Goldie: I'm gonna marry this fucking waffle 189 00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:52,930 whether it's legal or not because 190 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,266 (sings) ♪ Our love is real ♪ 191 00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:58,186 I slept through all the dumb-ass texts Craig sent me. 192 00:07:58,269 --> 00:07:59,228 "I don't see the milk. 193 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,980 "I'm lying in bed with my eyes closed, 194 00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:02,356 "but I still don't see the milk. 195 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,649 "Good news! Opened my eyes, 196 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,568 "went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. 197 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:06,903 There was the milk." 198 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,738 -Hey! -Cookie: You look like the bride 199 00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:10,239 at a lesbian Leprechaun wedding. 200 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,533 This is what these old guys wear on the golf course. 201 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:13,910 I need to fit in. 202 00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,494 If they're gonna swing their dicks, 203 00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:16,913 I have to swing my vag. 204 00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:20,249 Leave Candy alone. She's got that freak Junior on her ass. 205 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,335 I'm gonna bro these guys' brains out, 206 00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:23,920 I'm gonna golf their cocks off, 207 00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:26,380 then we'll all get wasted at the steakhouse tonight 208 00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:28,257 where I'm ordering the Japanese beef, 209 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,635 and then, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm sendin' it back 210 00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:32,595 for being overdone, even if it isn't, 211 00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:36,224 because that is what a future Successor does. 212 00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:37,516 Peace! 213 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,102 Isn't it weird havin' a girl on a guys' trip? 214 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:44,398 Not bad weird. Just like, bad not as good. 215 00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:49,153 Is it "bad" that I feel like slamming this entire BM right now? 216 00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:51,113 Look at her toss that celery to the side! 217 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,448 She's not eatin' that shit! 218 00:08:52,531 --> 00:08:54,951 She's one of the boys! She knows it's garnish! 219 00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:58,204 Technically, the penis and the clitoris develop from the same organ, 220 00:08:58,287 --> 00:08:59,956 so I guess I am one of the boys. 221 00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:02,625 Or maybe you're all one of the girls! Heyo! 222 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:03,918 (laughing) 223 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:04,961 Good one, Candy. 224 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:07,171 Who cares? I gotta drain the hog. 225 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:10,132 -I hear that shit. -Dick full of piss ready to blow, huh? 226 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:11,300 Candy: Same, my bros. 227 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,719 Vag full of piss, ready to blow. 228 00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:17,265 Is there a, um, is there a r-restroom nearby? 229 00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:22,478 Ah, I can hold it! 230 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,647 Candy, don't be silly. Find a restroom. 231 00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:27,441 -It's important. It's pee. -Candy, let the number one 232 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,110 reindeer help you take a number one. 233 00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:31,946 -(horn honks) -My caddy can drive you. 234 00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:35,574 Oh, okay, but my Katrina, she is such a sweetheart. 235 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,828 She asked me, "Grandma, why can't every day be Grandma Day?" 236 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:42,540 -Now is that some real cutie-pie shit or what? -(all laughing) 237 00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:46,002 (awkward laughs) Uh, so cute, yes. 238 00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:49,171 If I ever get that boring, smother me in my sleep. 239 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,215 But make sure to tweeze my facial hair after 240 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,675 in case I have an open coffin. 241 00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:56,137 We should save Mrs. Claus from her boring-ass friends. 242 00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:57,805 Ladies, sorry to interrupt. 243 00:09:57,888 --> 00:09:59,348 The concierge inside has a package 244 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,683 from the North Pole, and they don't know 245 00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:02,351 who it's for. It's just addressed to 246 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,477 "The World's Greatest Grandma." 247 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:04,895 Move it or lose it, Carol! 248 00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:06,022 I will cut you! 249 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,024 I swear, I'll murder your grandchild! 250 00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,358 Ow! 251 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,527 I wonder who the package was for? 252 00:10:11,610 --> 00:10:13,362 There was no package. We just freed you 253 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,822 from the boring nightmare women. 254 00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:15,990 What? Those... 255 00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:18,159 annoying nightmares 256 00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:19,535 are my closest friends. 257 00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:20,911 Nobody said "annoying." 258 00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:21,912 That was all you. 259 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,331 You're better than them. 260 00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:26,334 Let's go do something fancy! 261 00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:29,211 Whew, all peed out and ready to rock. Let's go! 262 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,631 -Whoops, wrong hole. -Is that what you tell your wife? 263 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:35,676 No, ma'am. I tell her my truth, 264 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,304 which is that anal rocks. 265 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,934 Cookie: Mmm, oh my god, this is good. 266 00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:46,228 The best kneading I've had in years. 267 00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:49,649 Mrs. Claus, you have a knot the size of a Christmas ornament! 268 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,233 What do you have to be stressed about? 269 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,234 You're living the dream. 270 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,111 My life is kinda boring. 271 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:58,240 Schmoozing with dignitaries, bullshitting with diplomats. 272 00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,242 I guess I thought Nick and I would be partners, 273 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,411 you know, change Christmas for the better. 274 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,080 -Like Candy. -Mrs. Claus: Exactly! 275 00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:06,957 When I saw her speak at the State of the Workshop, 276 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,751 it all clicked. 277 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,253 That's who I thought I would be some day, 278 00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:15,091 an agent of change, but I'm just a wife. 279 00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,009 -(laughs) -Goldie: I get it. 280 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,803 I train like a dog every year, 281 00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:21,222 and get treated like a bitch on Christmas Eve. 282 00:11:21,305 --> 00:11:22,431 It truly sucks shit. 283 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:26,268 Mmm, the tension of dreams unrealized. 284 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:29,730 There is nothing like it. 285 00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:32,858 We were here an hour ago! You drove in a giant circle! 286 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,319 Welp, I guess we're lost. 287 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:39,115 Let's just stay in one place until someone finds us. 288 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,951 -Fan of historical fiction? -Are you fuckin' kidding me? 289 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,744 Shove over. I'm driving. 290 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:48,916 -(all laughing) -Candy: Ah... sorry. 291 00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:51,127 Got a little turned around at the 18th hole. 292 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:52,503 All: Hole! 293 00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:54,171 Okay, what am I missing? 294 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:55,798 Oh, nothing, just the inside joke 295 00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:58,467 that will bond us guys, and not you, forever. 296 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,345 It's a really funny, smart game Junior made up. 297 00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:02,805 We tweak each other's balls 298 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:04,765 whenever someone says "hole." Oh-- 299 00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:05,724 -Hole! -Oh, I did it! 300 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:06,809 -Tweak, tweak, tweak. -Hole! 301 00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,978 -(laughing) -That's another. 302 00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:12,273 All: Hole! 303 00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:16,819 -Whoa! -Dear Lord, I keep forgetting that you're not a small boy! 304 00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:19,447 -(all laughing) -(Candy groans) 305 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,407 Candy: Hello, friends. My day sucked. 306 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:22,908 Junior won't get off my dick, 307 00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:25,286 and everyone loves him so much. 308 00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:27,830 He'll fuck up soon enough. Ooh, call Junior a... 309 00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,165 (whispers): caribou. 310 00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:30,499 Reindeer freak out at that. 311 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,586 No, I still have Devin's joke in my back pocket. 312 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,629 And I picked up these to be safe. 313 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:38,340 The unholy alliance between vaginas and bathrooms 314 00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:41,343 shall shackle women's progress no longer! 315 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,553 When do we leave for dinner? 316 00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:44,013 I need time to iron my tail. 317 00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:45,306 Yeah, there's some bad news. 318 00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:47,558 The dinner tonight is bros only. 319 00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:49,685 Well, bros and one ho, me. 320 00:12:49,768 --> 00:12:51,979 Going along with this sexist tradition? 321 00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:53,063 It's against who you are. 322 00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:55,065 I fucking have to! Don't you get it? 323 00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:57,526 Candy! You just snapped at me. 324 00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,527 This is important! 325 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,571 And you snap at me all the time! 326 00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:02,490 Because years ago we all agreed that 327 00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:05,242 I can dish it out, but I can't take it. 328 00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,703 Why is she not honoring my hypocrisy? 329 00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:08,954 I wish we could talk more, 330 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,581 but I need to throw on my diaper, 331 00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:12,541 and memorize a grotesque sexist joke, 332 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:15,294 so I can save the world for women everywhere! 333 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:19,215 I have to confess, this whole trip, 334 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,217 it's making me... 335 00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:24,011 -miss Craig. -That's gross and dark. 336 00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:25,930 You're not even the one who got snapped at. 337 00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:27,932 But it triggered me all the same. 338 00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:31,477 When Candy snapped, it reminded me of when I snap at Craig. 339 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,646 He never snaps back. He just grumbles, 340 00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:36,232 "crazy fuckin' bitch," and walks away. 341 00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:39,527 It's so sweet! (sighs) 342 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,112 I wonder what he and Fun Size are doing right now? 343 00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:43,822 That was a fun day in the sandbox. 344 00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:47,034 Now, does Fun Size wanna hear Daddy tell a story before bed? 345 00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:51,789 This was not the playdate I was looking for, asshole. 346 00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:54,542 Where the fuck is my baby? Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 347 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,713 -Hey, massage buds! -Mrs. Claus! 348 00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:02,925 -You goin' out on the town? -Oh no, I'm headed back 349 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,677 from an early dinner with the Carols. 350 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:08,764 -Wanna get a drink? -I am horny for friendship. 351 00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:10,432 Am I saying that right? 352 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,060 "Horny"? Can you guys use that in a sentence? 353 00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:14,562 (laughs) Hop in! 354 00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:19,942 (indistinct chatter) 355 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,278 What do you gotta do to flag down a penguin around here? 356 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:26,407 So, should I just, uh, sit in the middle of the table, or what? 357 00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:29,952 My bad. I told them five, but it's six. 358 00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:32,496 -Um, that's for a baby. -It is? 359 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,790 I swear to God I did not realize that. 360 00:14:34,873 --> 00:14:36,542 I just thought it was for a weak adult. 361 00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:38,127 Waiter, can we get an adult chair, 362 00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:40,212 and 20 to 30 phone books for the lady, please? 363 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:43,549 Just-- Stop yelling. It's fine. I'll-- This is fine. 364 00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:47,219 It's actually cool. It's, uh, less like a high chair for a baby, 365 00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:49,471 and more like a, a throne for a queen. 366 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,432 Yo, Candy? You wearin' a diapee? 367 00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:53,434 Uh, yeah, I'm wearing a diaper. 368 00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:55,811 -(baby giggles) -No, of course not. 369 00:14:55,894 --> 00:15:00,107 -Say "night night" 'cause you're about to go down, elf. -We'll see. 370 00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:03,319 Goldie: Candy's snap was like an alligator, Mrs. Claus. 371 00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:07,156 Chomp, chomp, chomp. I'll never forget it. 372 00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:08,449 Neither will we! 373 00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:10,743 You've been talking about it for an hour. 374 00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:12,661 I know you're upset, Goldie, 375 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,497 but Candy's trying to make history. 376 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:16,957 And once she's named Santa, 377 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,375 she'll have more time for us. 378 00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:22,588 (laughing) More time? 379 00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:24,757 All Nick has done for 45 years 380 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,468 since becoming Successor is work! 381 00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:29,094 He doesn't have time to go to movies, 382 00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,221 or have dinner alone with me, 383 00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:35,309 let alone, you know, go down on me. 384 00:15:35,392 --> 00:15:37,686 Actually, it's been 20 years. 385 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,855 What? How do you 69? 386 00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:43,025 Well, we haven't 69'ed since '96. 387 00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:46,737 I remember it was '96 because it was the night Tupac died. 388 00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:49,365 -So they say. -Forget about all that now. 389 00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:51,200 You're on vacation. 390 00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:54,328 Let's take this party to another level! 391 00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:55,829 (dance music playing) 392 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:58,082 (crowd cheering) 393 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:04,296 Is this it? Is this dancing? I love it! 394 00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:07,216 Santa: Holy shit, it's me! 395 00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,218 An artist is among us! 396 00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:12,388 Eh, just somethin' I do with my bros at home all the time. 397 00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,723 You're like a dickless Michelangelo 398 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,392 of smoke ring blowers! 399 00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:20,020 Cardinal Stryker: It's as beautiful as the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. 400 00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:21,563 Suck on that, asshole. 401 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:25,192 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! My men, watch this! 402 00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:28,779 -(applause) -(cheers) 403 00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,781 You're a wizard of the smoke! 404 00:16:30,864 --> 00:16:32,908 (Candy coughs and laughs) 405 00:16:32,991 --> 00:16:34,159 Candy: Bros, bros! 406 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:36,912 I got an amazing joke for you. A dirty one. 407 00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:38,580 It's gonna blow your dicks off. 408 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:41,417 -Oh, I see Junior's already heard it. -(table laughing) 409 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:44,545 So, a pickle, a cucumber, and a penis sit at a bar. 410 00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:47,423 Girls! It's getting late. 411 00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:51,051 Why not keep the party going, Mrs. Claus? 412 00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:55,139 -Hey, what is your first name? -Ugh, I hate it. 413 00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:57,141 My dad took it hard when I was born 414 00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:58,600 because he got a third daughter, 415 00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:01,270 so he named me after himself... 416 00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:03,939 the son he always wanted. 417 00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:06,775 -Woo! Yes! -You go, Leonard! Who's a hot bitch? 418 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,945 -Leonard is! -Woo-hoo! 419 00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:11,280 Candy: So, the penis says, 420 00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:12,906 "What are you complaining about--" 421 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,825 They constantly wrap me in a plastic bag, 422 00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:18,120 shove me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up! 423 00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,873 (laughing) 424 00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:23,041 That was my dirty joke! 425 00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,793 You're a very amusing woman, 426 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,795 but dirty jokes sound better 427 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,797 coming from a low voice. 428 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,340 And that's why Vin Diesel 429 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:32,926 will always be funnier than Lucille Ball. 430 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:34,428 (laughing) 431 00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:36,305 Ugh, this is out of control. 432 00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:38,682 The fact that the Board of a giant company has 433 00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,184 this sexist attitude 434 00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:42,686 means we need big changes at Santa Inc. 435 00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:44,480 Nick! It's happening again. 436 00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:47,608 You promised me she wouldn't suck like with that last speech. 437 00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:51,779 I'm having PTSD from the swag bag I never got. 438 00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,030 Me likey swag. 439 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:56,742 Me likey free frozen yogurt machine. 440 00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:59,244 Candy, you promised you wouldn't do this. 441 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:01,789 Pull it together and be impressive. 442 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:05,292 Hey, look! The tiramisu's in the fuckin' house! 443 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,630 (cries) 444 00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:11,507 Mrs. Claus: Hello there. 445 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:12,508 Hey, Mrs. Claus. 446 00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:14,092 It's weird we built a whole 447 00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:15,511 tropical villa here 448 00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:18,096 when it's even colder than the North Pole. 449 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,807 (laughs) 450 00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:22,851 What a fucking waste of money. 451 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,812 What's going on? You look sad. 452 00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:27,898 This night just showed me my dream is a fucking joke. 453 00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:30,943 I feel like I should just spare myself more humiliation, 454 00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:32,194 and just call it a day. 455 00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,737 No, you can't! 456 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,405 Before I married Santa, 457 00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:39,660 I wanted to "be the change I wished to see in the world." 458 00:18:39,743 --> 00:18:41,662 You know, like Gandhi said. 459 00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:44,540 I never was because I gave up. 460 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,208 Don't do what I did. 461 00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:47,543 Yeah, I get it. 462 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,002 Though I think that quote 463 00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:51,129 has actually been misattributed to Gandhi. 464 00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:53,882 See?! That's why you can't give up! 465 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:57,386 I misattribute quotes to Gandhi! You don't! 466 00:18:57,469 --> 00:19:01,056 And obviously, there's a million other amazing things about you, 467 00:19:01,139 --> 00:19:04,601 but I'm so fucking wasted. 468 00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:09,982 Can you help me... up, up, up? 469 00:19:10,065 --> 00:19:12,401 Yes, yes, of course. Let's go. 470 00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:15,571 Please don't give up! 471 00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:18,323 (intense music playing) 472 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:24,329 Ooh, too little. 473 00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:28,208 Holy shit! Nice one. 474 00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:32,754 Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. 475 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:35,716 Fuckin' fuck. Fuck. 476 00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,593 Fuck my balls. 477 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:38,719 Got a four! 478 00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:41,513 (laughs) Oh, that is so cute. 479 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,895 (indistinct chatter) 480 00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:49,855 (grunts) 481 00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:53,609 ♪ ♪ 482 00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:55,193 Santa: Candy's the man! 483 00:19:55,277 --> 00:20:00,449 (chanting): Candy's the man! Candy's the man! 484 00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:02,117 Okay, okay. A hole-in-one 485 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,661 from the ladies' tee is easy, 486 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,705 but from back here, that takes skill. 487 00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:09,583 -Watch this. -Aw, he's right, you guys. 488 00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:15,547 Oh shit! He whacked that tiny girl in the face! 489 00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:16,882 Come on! I didn't even touch her! 490 00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:18,759 She'll never get a husband now! 491 00:20:18,842 --> 00:20:20,594 -Ow, ow, ah! -Poor, fragile woman! 492 00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:23,805 What if it was my wife or daughter or Virgin Mary? 493 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,349 Candy: Don't go into the light, Candy! 494 00:20:25,432 --> 00:20:26,850 Jesus Christ! 495 00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:28,602 Candy? Can you, can you, can you get up? 496 00:20:28,685 --> 00:20:31,897 I don't think so. I'm even weaker than normal. 497 00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:33,357 -Liar! -You just whacked this 498 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,776 fuckin' woman in the head with a golf club, dude. 499 00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:36,693 We all saw it! 500 00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:38,320 Stop lying and apologize to her! 501 00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:40,530 Do you know who I am? Who my father is? 502 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:41,907 We are not liars. 503 00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:44,326 -That little piece of elf trash is the liar! -(gasps) 504 00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:47,245 I've spent this whole weekend winnin' you assholes over, 505 00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:49,122 then, suddenly, it's all about Candy? 506 00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:51,625 Her hole-in-one, and then her other hole-in-one! 507 00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:55,420 Not to mention we just said "hole" 50 different times, 508 00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,130 and no one even moved to ball tweak! 509 00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:58,674 What happened to our inside joke?! 510 00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:02,177 Ball tweak, hole! Ball tweak, ball tweak, hole! 511 00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:04,262 Ball tweak, ball tweak. Give me them balls! 512 00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:05,347 Get 'em over here, line 'em up! 513 00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,432 You are outta control, man. 514 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:09,184 This behavior is fuckin' bullshit 515 00:21:09,267 --> 00:21:11,937 for both a gentleman and future Successor. 516 00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:13,188 So, fuck you, stop it. 517 00:21:13,271 --> 00:21:15,190 Grrr. 518 00:21:15,273 --> 00:21:16,149 (Walrus groans) 519 00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:23,907 Hole! 520 00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:26,368 Man, it's hard to watch Junior come undone like that. 521 00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:27,411 That was fucked up. 522 00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:30,872 Chasing the Santa job fucks with your head. 523 00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:32,874 Let's just say that... 524 00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,085 I did some shit I am not proud of. 525 00:21:35,168 --> 00:21:39,089 Tell me. I need some gossip to distract me from this pain. 526 00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:41,049 It's like this, I was born fat. 527 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:44,094 Okay? As a kid, an adult, always fat. 528 00:21:44,177 --> 00:21:46,638 But top heavy, you know, like, like a big gut, 529 00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:49,057 but... nothin' below really. 530 00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:50,851 And, and I got hung up about it, you know? 531 00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:53,562 N-No kid wants to go see Santa and tell them what they want for Christmas 532 00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:56,732 sitting on some bony-ass fuckin' lap, right? 533 00:21:56,815 --> 00:21:59,234 So, right before being named Successor, 534 00:21:59,317 --> 00:22:02,237 when the decision was still up in the air... 535 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,698 -I got lap implants. -No shit! 536 00:22:04,781 --> 00:22:06,825 Let me test drive this bitch. 537 00:22:06,908 --> 00:22:10,954 Woo! Ho-ho! It's bouncy! 538 00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:13,582 It's cozy! You'd never know it was fake. 539 00:22:13,665 --> 00:22:15,709 Indestructible, too. My lap used to look like 540 00:22:15,792 --> 00:22:18,712 a dick and balls just like resting on a wire coat hanger. 541 00:22:18,795 --> 00:22:20,130 It was fuckin' gross. 542 00:22:20,213 --> 00:22:24,217 But now, everything is pure silicone and titanium. 543 00:22:24,301 --> 00:22:26,094 What can I say? Goin' for the red suit... 544 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,763 it'll make you do strange things. 545 00:22:27,846 --> 00:22:29,431 Yeah, I know. 546 00:22:29,514 --> 00:22:32,476 Oh my god! You set Junior up. 547 00:22:32,559 --> 00:22:34,311 -Is that horrible? -Yes! 548 00:22:34,394 --> 00:22:35,645 You're playin' the game, Candy. 549 00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:37,773 I'm impressed. I didn't know you had it in ya. 550 00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:40,192 Honestly, Santa, neither did I. 551 00:22:40,275 --> 00:22:42,152 Hey, I was wondering something: 552 00:22:42,235 --> 00:22:43,945 did you know anything about what went on 553 00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:46,782 with the Christmas Spirit bars? 554 00:22:46,865 --> 00:22:49,618 You know what? Forget it. I, I didn't think you did. 555 00:22:50,410 --> 00:22:52,954 (ship horn blows) 556 00:22:53,038 --> 00:22:56,124 Look, you guys haven't talked to me since yesterday and I-- 557 00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:59,252 I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about this weekend. 558 00:22:59,336 --> 00:23:02,297 You're doing important shit. We support you. 559 00:23:02,380 --> 00:23:03,673 But never snap again, okay? 560 00:23:03,757 --> 00:23:06,927 It triggers me to be very upset. 561 00:23:07,010 --> 00:23:09,679 Got it. Never again. 562 00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:12,015 Hey, did I tell you? The Board said I was 563 00:23:12,099 --> 00:23:15,268 "just like one of the guys." 564 00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:16,311 Isn't that cool? 565 00:23:16,394 --> 00:23:17,646 I don't know. Is it? 566 00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:19,815 Yeah! I passed the test! 567 00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:22,484 Then we're happy for you, Candy. 568 00:23:22,567 --> 00:23:24,903 Oh look! There are my guys! 569 00:23:24,986 --> 00:23:28,448 -Oh! I missed you! -Really? 570 00:23:28,532 --> 00:23:29,825 But are you only being nice 571 00:23:29,908 --> 00:23:31,159 because you cheated and feel guilty? 572 00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:33,120 'Cause I'm not being nice because I fucked up 573 00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:34,538 and lost the baby or anything like that, 574 00:23:34,621 --> 00:23:36,623 and like replaced the baby with an old man or anything, 575 00:23:36,706 --> 00:23:37,791 everything went fucking fine. 576 00:23:37,874 --> 00:23:40,418 I know you lost Fun Size at the park. 577 00:23:40,502 --> 00:23:42,587 What? I have a hundred trackers baked into that kid. 578 00:23:42,671 --> 00:23:44,714 He was buried in the sandbox the whole time. 579 00:23:44,798 --> 00:23:47,843 Craig, your wife is one smart Cookie. 580 00:23:50,137 --> 00:23:51,638 Hey, Grandpa. What're you doing up? 581 00:23:51,721 --> 00:23:54,015 I only sleep when every woman in the North Pole 582 00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:57,018 has been sexually satisfied. You know that. 583 00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:58,603 Right, I forgot. 584 00:23:58,687 --> 00:24:00,564 I guess I'm tired from the jet lag. 585 00:24:00,647 --> 00:24:02,983 It's the same time zone, but drilling through the Earth 586 00:24:03,066 --> 00:24:04,860 -can take it out of ya. -I get it. 587 00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:07,279 You's is risin' to the top. 588 00:24:08,446 --> 00:24:11,324 (joyful music playing) 589 00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:24,296 (heavy metal music playing) 590 00:24:26,173 --> 00:24:29,885 ♪ You were like a father to me ♪ 591 00:24:29,968 --> 00:24:33,471 ♪ Because you were my dad ♪ 592 00:24:33,555 --> 00:24:36,892 ♪ Ever since your tragic death ♪ 593 00:24:36,975 --> 00:24:40,061 ♪ My heart it hurts real bad ♪ 594 00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:42,564 ♪ Our dicks were identical ♪ 595 00:24:42,647 --> 00:24:45,150 ♪ The veins, the shaft, the girth ♪ 596 00:24:45,233 --> 00:24:48,278 ♪ Our junk separated at birth ♪ 597 00:24:48,361 --> 00:24:52,032 ♪ Father son schlong, father son dong ♪ 598 00:24:52,115 --> 00:24:55,452 ♪ Father son schlong, father son dong ♪ 599 00:24:55,535 --> 00:25:00,290 ♪ Whenever I jerk it, I'll sing you this song ♪ 600 00:25:04,669 --> 00:25:06,671 ♪ ♪ 45311

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