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1
00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:06,548
Goldie:
Up the chimney!
Down the chimney!
2
00:00:06,631 --> 00:00:08,174
Up the chimney!
Down the chimney!
3
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:10,719
Up on the rooftop.
Jesus, Candy, slow down.
4
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:12,137
Never!
I'll be named
5
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:14,264
Successor
or die trying!
6
00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:15,557
Santa has to see
7
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:16,891
I'm not just a powerhouse
8
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:18,435
of ideas and efficiency.
9
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,103
I'm a jacked-up beast
10
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:21,521
who can toss
a 100-pound bag
11
00:00:21,604 --> 00:00:24,107
of toys over my shoulder,
like this!
12
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,817
-(grunts)
-(cracks)
13
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:27,902
(grunting)
14
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:30,196
Cuthbert Ng:
Holiday News Network
breaking news.
15
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,740
Live from Easter Island.
16
00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:34,409
Easter is cracking like
a motherfucking egg.
17
00:00:34,492 --> 00:00:36,453
Sources inside
Easter Enterprises
18
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,246
tell us that Petunia Rabbit,
19
00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:40,457
daughter of the very
religious Peter Rabbit,
20
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:43,752
is out as the company C.E.O.
after it was revealed
21
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,712
that she's had
thousands of abortions.
22
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:47,797
Oh shit!
There's Petunia now!
23
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,090
Petunia! Petunia!
24
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,133
Do you have
any comments
25
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:52,343
about being fired
by your own father?
26
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:54,929
Oh, yeah, my dad's
a fuckin' freak.
27
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,724
I mean, he's a hypocrite
hiding behind religion.
28
00:00:57,807 --> 00:00:59,309
Who cares about
my personal life?
29
00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,853
What about the millions
of hard-boiled, pastel-dyed
30
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:05,899
abortions hidden
in kids' yards
every Easter?
31
00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:08,318
Just stop
following me!
32
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:12,447
(joyful music playing)
33
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,502
Good news:
You're a 75-year-old man
34
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,171
with the body
of a 75-year-old lady.
35
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,758
Because of your
womanly hips... get it?
36
00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:36,179
Why am I having another physical
so soon after Christmas Eve?
37
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,139
The Board is so paranoid.
38
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:40,683
I'm not gonna
keel over before
I pick a Successor.
39
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,811
How about me
as the next Santa?
40
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:44,854
I am a doctor,
and I deliver
41
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:48,066
bad news to patients,
like presents. Get it?
42
00:01:48,149 --> 00:01:49,984
Of course I get it.
It's not subtle at all.
43
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:52,570
Yep, I could be the next Santa.
My one stipulation?
44
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,489
I don't work on Christmas.
Get it?
45
00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:56,866
And, oh, sorry, I don't
make house calls. Get it?
46
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,661
The hell, man?
Why is my own doctor
makin' me sick?
47
00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:01,955
Which is actually
a good joke. Take notes.
48
00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:04,290
Just toss me
some‘zans,
and get lost.
49
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:05,917
(phone chimes)
50
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,961
Fuck! The board just
announced your date
51
00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:10,713
for choosing a Successor
is moved up to Thanksgiving.
52
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:13,758
Why the fuck are we always
on Thanksgiving's time schedule?
53
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,386
The whole holiday is
based on an imperialist lie.
54
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:18,513
Not to mention,
the turkey is always dry.
55
00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:21,683
Everyone, relax.
This is my legacy.
56
00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:23,893
I don't want people dissin'
my ass when I'm dead.
57
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,728
I'm okay being fondled
when I'm dead.
58
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,897
If it makes some
necrophiliac happy,
go for it.
59
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,358
-Life is for the living.
-I thought I figured
it out with Candy,
60
00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:31,901
and the whole,
like, woman thing,
61
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:35,363
and then, she just fuckin'
blew it with the Board.
62
00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:36,823
I mean, yes, she has ideas,
63
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:40,285
but can she
really be the face
of Christmas?
64
00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:42,078
Oh no!
65
00:02:42,161 --> 00:02:45,748
Unrelated, I used to model
in my 20s, hmm?
66
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,041
To be clear, I am saying,
67
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,210
I would make a very
photogenic Successor,
68
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:51,796
so keep me in mind.
First gay Santa!
69
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,507
Except for Nick the Ninth,
that closeted fuck.
70
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:56,759
(knock on window)
71
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,804
No!
Wash the fuckin' windows!
72
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:01,055
Do you see what's
happening here?
73
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:03,182
-I'm under siege.
-Hey!
74
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:05,935
Get me out of here!
75
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,188
Look at that.
You wanna be Santa, too.
Don't you, little man?
76
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:12,108
Adorable, but also, you're
stressing me the fuck out.
77
00:03:12,191 --> 00:03:15,153
Literally getting pressure
from every direction.
78
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:19,949
Ah! Ow! Ow! Ooh!
79
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,201
(intense music plays)
80
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:24,579
Hey!
I have a rape whistle!
81
00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:26,623
Ahh, this is my
consensual sex whistle.
82
00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:29,626
Fuck, where's my rape one?
Rape. Rape, rape, rape...
83
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:32,587
Fear not sexual assault,
Candy Smalls.
84
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:36,299
It is time to reveal
my true identity.
85
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,469
Candy:
The tooth fairy?
Wait, no, President Nixon?
86
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:40,803
Oh, just a bunny?
87
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,306
I had some hard-hitting
questions for Nixon.
88
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:45,683
I am not just
some bunny.
89
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,728
I happen to be
the emissary
for Peter Rabbit.
90
00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:51,439
He'd like to interview you
at his home for C.E.O.
91
00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:53,232
of Easter Enterprises.
92
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:54,901
Thanks,
but I'm not interested.
93
00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:57,028
Santa Inc. is my home,
and, I'll be honest,
94
00:03:57,111 --> 00:04:00,323
a company that denies
a woman her bodily autonomy,
95
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:01,824
even for religious reasons,
96
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:02,951
is not for me.
97
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:04,911
Oh, that's the story
Petunia spread
98
00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:07,997
to hide the real
reason she was fired,
99
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,999
her mental instability.
100
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:13,211
Peter is heartbroken
about what has happened
with his little girl.
101
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,837
Oh my god.
102
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:18,424
This is the interview
of a lifetime, Miss Smalls.
103
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:19,884
Think about it.
104
00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:25,306
Osama Bun Laden.
105
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,185
Candy:
Oh my god, Santa
would freak if he knew
106
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,020
I went to a job interview,
107
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,522
and he's been weird to me
108
00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:35,066
ever since the State
of the Workshop speech.
109
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:37,402
And Easter? Ham? Barf.
110
00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:39,904
I'm not eating trafe
unless it's shrimp cocktail,
111
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:41,990
or, like, really good sushi...
112
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:44,367
or, I guess, like,
anything from a raw bar.
113
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:45,994
You should do it!
Nothin' makes a man
114
00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:47,912
appreciate you more
than seeing how bad
115
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:50,164
some other fool wants you.
116
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,166
-Play the game.
-I already got a game.
117
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,919
-Being a mad-pimp
at my job, bitches!
-(bell rings)
118
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:57,380
Jingle Jim (on speaker):
Lunch hour over. Back to work.
119
00:04:57,463 --> 00:05:00,299
Only 289 more days
until Christmas Eve.
120
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:02,218
(yawns)
I'm taking a nap.
121
00:05:02,301 --> 00:05:04,429
Larson gave us
an extra hour
for lunch
122
00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:06,764
while the VIPs do
their private tasting.
123
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,725
What?!
I'm a VIP!
124
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:10,268
Why didn't you
mention this earlier?
125
00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:12,562
Because I have
a busy fucking life
126
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:15,148
that doesn't include
keeping your schedule.
127
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:18,776
I am so tired!
It's like I can barely--
128
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:21,696
(snoring)
129
00:05:21,779 --> 00:05:23,990
Ahh!
130
00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:27,201
The gummy snakes are
much more realistic
this year, Larson.
131
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,746
I thought I was
getting attacked
by snakes just now.
132
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:30,997
Thank you,
thank you.
133
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,749
My ladies,
they work hard.
134
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,292
Wazzup, dudes?!
135
00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:37,086
Yeah, just found out
the candy tasting was today,
136
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,088
which is bonkers,
considering I am
137
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,758
-Stocking Stuffer Safety Czar.
-You were invited.
138
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:44,469
Did the email go
to your junk folder?
The subject line was,
139
00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:47,263
"Do You Want a Bigger Penis?"
Get it? Junk folder?
140
00:05:47,346 --> 00:05:51,017
I save my junk folder
for Friday night reading.
141
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:54,812
Last week,
I found out my cousin,
Gerhardt, has lupus.
142
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:57,440
Will you just make sure
to mention the taffy valve flow,
143
00:05:57,523 --> 00:05:59,108
and the gummy-shaper protocol?
144
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,235
Any lapse can
cause a messy spill.
145
00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:04,697
(sarcastically):
A messy spill? Oh no.
Sounds so important.
146
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,783
Nurse, get us a moist
towelette, stat.
147
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:09,869
-Not a messy spill.
-(group laughing)
148
00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,455
Ugh! I am out.
149
00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:14,874
And just so you know,
the women of the North Pole
150
00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:16,584
make fun of one of your dicks.
151
00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:18,961
Have fun wondering whose it is.
152
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,756
Well, it's not me.
I have a beautiful penis.
153
00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:25,134
As I've been
told by my wife
and my doctor.
154
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,011
Jeremy:
If I'm not a millionaire
by the time I'm 30,
155
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:30,014
I am killing myself,
and that's a promise.
156
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,516
Hey!
Is, uh, Candy around?
157
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:33,309
I feel kinda shitty
about yesterday.
158
00:06:33,392 --> 00:06:34,602
Wanted to take
her to lunch.
159
00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:35,770
Ugh, I gotta go.
160
00:06:35,853 --> 00:06:37,855
Some fat guy just
barged into my office.
161
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,315
Oh, she's not here,
162
00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:40,900
and I can't tell you why
163
00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:43,528
because I'm not
a blabbermouth...
164
00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:44,779
buuut...
165
00:06:44,862 --> 00:06:46,823
this goss is way too hot
to keep to myself!
166
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,449
Candy went to interview
with Peter Rabbit
167
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,993
to become C.E.O.
of Easter Enterprises!
168
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,286
She what?!
169
00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:56,499
(light music playing)
170
00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:04,715
Oh.
171
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:06,634
-La, la, la.
-(laughing)
172
00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:11,889
(grunting)
173
00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:14,851
Welcome to Easter Enterprises!
174
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:18,729
Embrace the pastel.
Inhale the fake grass.
175
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:22,525
Behold the basket.
Enjoy the mango--
176
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:24,652
Ahh!
(grunts)
177
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:27,280
Don't shoot!
That's... my mother.
178
00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:29,115
(whispers):
How did you know
I was here?
179
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,491
Your assistant told me,
180
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,201
but I am not
missing my chance
181
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,995
to snag the Peter Rabbit.
182
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:36,164
I've been masturbating
to his picture for years.
183
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,875
I don't even
know what the back
of his head looks like.
184
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,918
I wish I could be mad,
but I'm just so impressed
185
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:44,046
you hung to the bottom
of a plane for three hours.
186
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,215
Now please stay
out of my way
while we're here.
187
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,300
(horse whinnies)
188
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:54,557
Oh, but those teeth,
and those legs.
189
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,475
Aye, aye, aye!
190
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,603
Candy Smalls...
191
00:07:58,686 --> 00:08:00,730
Thank you for coming
to meet with me.
192
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:02,648
I am quite an admirer.
193
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,358
I read your op-ed
in "The North Atlantic."
194
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:07,069
It made me feel,
and it made me think.
195
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,113
That was exactly
what I was going for!
196
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:11,908
And who is this
enchanting beauty?
197
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:14,744
Your much younger
half-sister from your
father's third marriage?
198
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:17,663
Oh, I'm her mom.
You're so handsome,
199
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:20,416
just like I imagined
you'd be when I mastur--
200
00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:24,295
mastered the art of...
touching myself.
201
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,300
-Jingle Jim: Ahh!
-(cat yelps)
202
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:35,264
How about another
round before work?
203
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,892
We can christen a new
bottle of poppers.
204
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:40,353
Fuck yeah.
Bust that shit out.
205
00:08:42,104 --> 00:08:45,733
(grunting)
Oh god! Shit! Ah.
206
00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:48,236
-Gnarly!
-Oh.
207
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:50,279
Girl, just jerk off
and sleep.
208
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,530
Good luck!
209
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:54,325
(phone ringing)
210
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,621
Good morning, Santa.
211
00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:02,458
I can't come in today.
F-- Uh, food poisoning.
212
00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:04,418
Love you.
213
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,963
Dammit.
Of all the days
for Jim to be sick.
214
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,297
Everyone is turning on me.
215
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,216
First Brent, now Candy.
216
00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:11,300
It feels terrible.
217
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,802
I'm not good at comforting.
218
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,804
You've never even said
one nice thing to me.
219
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:18,599
Easter Island?
Easter fuckin' Island
of all fuckin' places.
220
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,977
Candy fucking
backstabbing asshole.
221
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,145
Your Jolly-ness,
I, I am Devin,
222
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:27,024
intern to Candy, uh,
Duchess of Smalls.
223
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:28,943
Cut that shit out.
Can I get some food?
224
00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:31,821
Gettin' low blood sug.
It's makin' me cranks-y.
225
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,906
-Oh, ya think?
-(clears throat) If I may,
226
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:37,618
uh, allow me to suggest
a meatball submarine, sir?
227
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:40,329
-Uh, there's a place nearby--
-Yes, I'll drive.
228
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:45,001
♪ ♪
229
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,503
This place
is incredible.
230
00:09:47,586 --> 00:09:49,463
Delivering eggs makes
you a lotta money.
231
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,507
Peter, is there
somewhere I can, uh...
232
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,718
how do you say
this ladylike,
233
00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:57,680
scrub the travel
dust off my beaver?
234
00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,223
Put a comb
through my pubes.
235
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:00,391
Mom, the man
runs Easter!
236
00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:01,350
He doesn't
wanna hear about
237
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,269
your filthy
fucking genitals!
238
00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:04,645
I apologize, sir.
239
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,897
Bathroom at the top
of the stairs, my dear.
240
00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:10,818
Let's get
right to it.
241
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:12,695
Easter Enterprise
has always had
242
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:15,197
a simple ethos,
community.
243
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,742
I do the White House
Easter Egg Roll,
244
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:19,535
but my sons
deliver the baskets,
245
00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:21,412
all of which are
handmade with organic
246
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:23,080
and sustainable
material, of course.
247
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:26,334
Communally run,
and environmentally
responsible?
248
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:29,337
Wow, this is spank bank
material for me.
249
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,630
As C.E.O.,
you'll be number one,
250
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:33,716
and I don't know what
I'll do if you turn me down.
251
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,009
You're the only candidate.
252
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:38,804
Only me?
Well, I'm all ears!
Literally.
253
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,014
Well, we both are.
254
00:10:40,097 --> 00:10:41,599
(both laughing)
255
00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:45,394
-Candy: Oh!
-Candy, meet my oldest son,
my heir, Peter the Third.
256
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,813
P3. He's a bit of
a Candy Smalls fanboy,
257
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,523
or more than a bit.
He's obsessed.
258
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:52,068
Don't pay any
attention to him, Candy.
I'm not a stalker.
259
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:54,070
I mean, I, I love your work,
but I, I, I don't, like,
260
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:56,614
follow everything that you do.
I mean, I-I'm up to date
261
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:58,240
on some of the thin--
I'm-- I just-- I'm a fan.
262
00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,784
No, no, no!
Be a stalker if you want.
263
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:03,079
You're cute.
I could do worse.
I should be so lucky.
264
00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:04,747
-(P3 chuckles)
-Well, that's for sure.
265
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,707
P42 just grew
out his man bun.
266
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:09,668
Son, why don't you give
our guest the grand tour?
267
00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:12,755
And I'll show
her mom around.
268
00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,300
(snoring)
269
00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,302
Cookie, I just
saw you dozing off.
270
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,763
-Can I do anything to help?
-Well, you could give me
271
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:23,265
what most
industrialized
nations provide,
272
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,142
health insurance
with maternity leave.
273
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,812
It sickens my heart that
we don't provide that,
274
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:30,022
-but what can you do?
-Revise the system?
275
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:32,108
Prioritize empathy
and compassion?
276
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:35,236
Ha! You and me both.
Okay, keep going, girls.
277
00:11:35,319 --> 00:11:36,946
Love your work ethic!
278
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,531
(softly):
So sexy.
279
00:11:38,614 --> 00:11:39,448
Eww.
280
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:44,703
-(snoring)
-(intense music plays)
281
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,540
(high-pitched whirl)
282
00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:49,458
Devin:
We call them subs
'cause the shape
283
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,377
is like
a submarine
of bread.
284
00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:55,047
I used to love these subs
when I was in school,
285
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,924
and they're still good.
286
00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,968
So, uh... how's
the internship goin'?
287
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:02,012
Candy is so cool.
She's a maverick,
ahead of her time--
288
00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:06,308
Candy?!
Devin, you know I chose
the first Black Successor.
289
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,643
That was a big deal.
Everyone was like,
290
00:12:07,726 --> 00:12:09,103
"This is crazy!
You can't do this."
291
00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:10,980
And I was like,
"No, it's time.
292
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,356
"You know what?
It's fuckin' past time.
293
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,443
It was time a long time ago,
and now, it's long overdue."
294
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:17,403
And everyone's like,
"He's Black. He can't do it."
295
00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:19,155
And I'm like,
"Fuck that! I know that,
296
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:21,991
even though he's Black...
he can do it."
297
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,367
Well, you made history.
298
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,828
Holy shit!
I can't believe I'm bolstering
299
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:27,705
Santa's seemingly fragile ego!
300
00:12:27,788 --> 00:12:29,915
Now, I'm basically back
to the drawing board, though.
301
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,667
All I hear all day,
302
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:33,002
(mockingly):
"Who's the new Successor?"
303
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:36,213
"Please, make me
the new Successor."
(groans)
304
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:39,216
Take today off.
Chill with me and my frat bros.
305
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,801
-What house you in?
-Igma Loo.
306
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:43,220
Dude, I was Igma Loo!
307
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,222
God bless Igma Loo!
308
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,183
-Everyone else is a pile of poo!
-...is a pile of poo!
309
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:50,478
-Nice!
-Yeah, that's why I chose it
because you're my hero.
310
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,396
I bought some of your
beard hair on the internet.
311
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:56,358
-Look what I had it made into.
-It looks real. Jesus.
312
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,360
Who in my house is doing this?
313
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,779
You know what?
You're right.
I need a break.
314
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,364
Let's go visit
the old house.
315
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,366
If we hurry,
we can catch
the snowball fight.
316
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,076
Oh, I used
to love those.
317
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:10,247
Shovin' snow down
the bros' backs.
Wild times.
318
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:11,916
-Devin: Knock his ass out!
-Frat Guy 1: Woo! Yeah!
319
00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:13,375
Frat Guy 2:
Turn him into water!
320
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,794
Drink that fucker
for breakfast!
321
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:20,007
-Make him bleed his own blood.
-Holy shit, things have changed.
322
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,051
Yo, that fool Devin
brought Santa!
323
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:24,178
Two mutha-fuckin'
kings among us!
324
00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:28,182
Frat Guys (chanting):
Kings! Kings! Kings!
325
00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:30,601
-(work horn blows)
-Ugh, I slept an hour.
326
00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:33,270
The baby went crazy,
and ate our guest room.
327
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:36,065
We were in
the ER all night.
I feel like shit.
328
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:38,692
-Yeah, you do look really bad.
-Fuck you!
329
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:41,111
Get your roots done,
and then we'll talk.
330
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:42,238
(gasps):
Shit!
331
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:45,741
-Taffy spill! Evacuate!
-(all screaming)
332
00:13:45,824 --> 00:13:46,867
Where is Larson?!
333
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:49,870
I love your lady brain
as much as your body.
334
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,330
I love women.
335
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:53,415
Cookie, we gotta go!
336
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:56,210
If Larson is gone,
I'm the shift leader!
337
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:58,420
I need to make sure
everyone's out safe!
338
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:02,258
Even if it means
I can't go home
for days or months.
339
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:05,010
(siren wailing)
340
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:08,430
This is where
my brothers and I
train every year.
341
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:11,016
Oh, look!
There are 400
of 'em over there.
342
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,811
Hey, guys!
P240, P15,
343
00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:15,646
-love what you're doin'!
-Candy: Whew...
344
00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:18,023
I can feel the burn
in my glutes already.
345
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,775
-(camera clicks)
-Oh, that was
for my trainer.
346
00:14:19,858 --> 00:14:21,735
She'll be impressed
I got a workout in.
347
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:23,779
P3:
A trainer?
You're in perfect shape.
348
00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:25,948
Oh, sorry.
That was inappropriate.
349
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:28,576
I mean... what's
"perfect" shape anyway?
350
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:29,660
I-- It's all subjective.
351
00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:31,328
I mean, you're
my perfect shape.
For me.
352
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,664
I mean, for a girl that
I'd be attracted to.
I mean--
353
00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:37,459
Oh no, anytime you wanna
compliment my body, I consent.
354
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,670
(chuckles)
And, you know, I feel,
355
00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:41,380
I feel like being
a leader requires
356
00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:43,132
mental and physical strength,
357
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:46,093
so I push myself...
hard.
358
00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:47,761
You know,
I'm talking quads,
359
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:50,264
delts, trips, septets,
360
00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:52,850
hambones, all of‘em.
The whole thing.
361
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,018
I envy your career.
362
00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:56,145
I mean, resurrection,
it's bullshit, right?
363
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:59,189
We only have one life to live.
We gotta give it all we got.
364
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:00,190
Candy:
What are
your dreams?
365
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:01,984
Uh, to blow up
this island,
366
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:04,320
and boil two-thirds
of my family in a stew?
367
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,655
-(laughs)
-Not you P83!
368
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:07,740
You're great!
369
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,408
(both laughing)
370
00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:12,202
My quarters, which brings
us to the end of the tour,
371
00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:16,165
-and our time together.
-No! I don't want it to end.
372
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:18,834
Well, maybe it
doesn't have to if
you can convince
373
00:15:18,917 --> 00:15:20,336
your daughter
to take the job.
374
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:21,587
Wouldn't that
be wonderful?
375
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:22,921
All of us...
together.
376
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:25,174
Oh, if I can't
convince Candy
on merit,
377
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:28,427
I'm happy to roofie her.
I've done it before.
378
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,304
It's so hot when you joke about
379
00:15:30,387 --> 00:15:31,847
committing crimes
against your daughter.
380
00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:33,974
Where does that
old saying come from,
381
00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,225
"Fuck like rabbits"?
382
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:38,854
(laughs)
I mean, it's never
"Fuck like llamas,"
383
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:42,232
or pigeons,
but "fuck like rabbits."
384
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:43,692
Care to explain that to me?
385
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,944
Let me show
you instead.
386
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:50,074
-(grunting)
-(giggling)
387
00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:51,992
Big Candy:
I like the size
of that carrot.
388
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:55,037
-(rock music playing)
-(Frat Guys cheering)
389
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,998
This is way better
than being at work.
390
00:15:58,082 --> 00:15:59,458
(laughs)
Come here!
391
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:03,337
-Yeah!
-(Frat Guys cheering)
392
00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:10,010
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
393
00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:11,804
P3:
I have to show you something.
394
00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:13,555
You know when I said
I wasn't passionate
395
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,307
about anything in my life?
396
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,059
That wasn't true.
397
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,852
Wow, look at all
these tapestries.
398
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:21,897
I, I never thought yarn
could give me the chills.
399
00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:24,191
The pathos you get
out of this, it's--
400
00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:25,693
Really?
Oh my god.
401
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,361
Wow, I'm so happy
you like them.
402
00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:29,029
Uh, no one knows
about this place,
403
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,365
but you made
me brave enough
to speak my truth.
404
00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:33,158
Actually,
to scream it.
405
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:35,619
(shouts): I hate
the corporate world,
406
00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:38,580
and I love
weaving tapestries!
407
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:42,000
Yes! Oh my god!
I feel alive!
408
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,294
-Yes!
-(both laughing)
409
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:48,966
You have
beautiful ears.
410
00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:52,094
So perky and big.
411
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,762
-May I touch them?
-Sure.
412
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:57,307
I mean,
they're nothing compared
to your long, furry ones.
413
00:16:58,058 --> 00:16:59,101
(moans)
414
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,186
(moans)
415
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:05,023
(sensual music playing)
416
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:08,318
(moans)
417
00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:14,491
-(phone ringing)
-Fuck. It's the office.
418
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:16,034
Hey, Jer.
Everything okay?
419
00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,328
Jeremy (on phone, crying):
No, I'm at the candy factory.
420
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:22,666
It's a mess, and everyone
in charge of shit is M.I.A.!
421
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:25,002
Candy:
It's because those assholes
didn't take the proper safety
422
00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:27,713
measures during that tasting.
Is anyone hurt?
423
00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:29,131
Jeremy:
One lady worker is stuck.
424
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:30,632
She looks dead,
but she's snoring,
425
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:32,134
so I think she's sleeping.
426
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,636
Mmm, sweet relief.
427
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,638
Calm down.
I'll be back soon.
428
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:38,640
Aw, I need
to leave, but...
429
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,435
I've decided to accept
your father's offer.
430
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,314
(Santa groaning)
431
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,531
Thank you for today.
For real, I feel
so unstressed
432
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,408
for the first
time in weeks.
433
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:59,119
-You really helped me.
-Are you kidding me?
434
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,788
You helped me out.
435
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:02,456
I brought Santa
to a party!
436
00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:03,916
I've got serious
street cred
437
00:18:03,999 --> 00:18:05,751
for the first time
with my bros.
438
00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:08,837
Mmm, I know it looks like
I'm just another Igma Loo,
439
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,506
but the bros can be mean,
440
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:14,301
they make fun of my hair,
my clothes, that I'm dyslexic--
441
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:17,054
Dude, I'm dyslexic as fuck, too.
442
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:18,055
-You are?
-Santa: Yeah!
443
00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:19,348
How did you pull it together?
444
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:21,850
I mean... look at you.
You're Santa.
445
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:26,063
Well, uh, I became
the class clown,
and then, I got fat,
446
00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:28,190
which made me even
more hilarious.
447
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:31,360
Fat men are very funny,
but fat women are disgusting.
448
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:34,571
I get it.
People laugh so hard
when I push my fat gut
449
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:37,199
around my belly button,
and call it a "hair bagel."
450
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,036
Let's maybe
change out that shirt.
451
00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:42,955
-I think we're the same size.
-Really?
452
00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:44,289
I mean, I'm just
eyeballin' it here,
453
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:47,000
but I feel like you
might be a little
fatter than me.
454
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:49,044
Fatter than Santa?
455
00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:50,295
Thank you!
456
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:51,588
So, Candy's
going back,
457
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:52,756
but then,
she's quitting.
458
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,883
(laughs)
We did it, son.
459
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,844
Santa Incorporated
is going down.
460
00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:58,220
Suck on this, Nick!
461
00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,555
We can't do this, Papa.
462
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,056
Shut it! Listen to me.
463
00:19:01,139 --> 00:19:03,976
That piece of jolly shit
has destroyed Easter.
464
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:05,686
Do we have
a Black Friday?
No!
465
00:19:05,769 --> 00:19:08,146
Are kids worried they
won't get a basket
of shitty candy
466
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,399
and cheap-ass
stuffed animals?
No!
467
00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:12,734
Easter used to be
the biggest holiday
out there.
468
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:15,571
Then Santa fucked us.
But no more!
469
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:18,323
Once we get all the secrets
of Santa Inc. out of Candy,
470
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:20,993
I will rule the holiday world!
471
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:24,830
Christmas will be as
important as one of those
dog-shit Jewish holidays.
472
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:26,748
And Easter will happen
every month of the year.
473
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:29,918
Fuck the resurrection.
Peter Rabbit will
be the new Jesus.
474
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,420
Watch out world!
475
00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:33,589
(evil laughter)
476
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:35,591
But, Papa, this
seems too big for--
477
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:40,053
This was a simple
seduce and destroy mission,
and now you're backing out?
478
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:43,348
You'll basically
be Jesus' son,
which makes you--
479
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:46,810
Oh, I don't fuckin'
know the guy's name,
but you'll be huge!
480
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:47,895
We all will be.
481
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,646
Do you even care
about this company?
482
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:51,815
I am not a company man!
483
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:55,777
To be honest,
I'm more of a crafts... man?
484
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,363
I make tapestries.
That's my passion.
485
00:19:58,447 --> 00:19:59,781
(chuckling)
Tapestries?
486
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,450
You're a rabbit,
not a pussy.
487
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,702
Just shut up
with that shit,
stick to the plan,
488
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:05,579
and soon enough,
Santa Inc., Santa,
489
00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:08,123
and Candy Smalls
will be screwed.
490
00:20:08,206 --> 00:20:10,125
You sick son-of-a-bitch.
491
00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:12,461
That's my daughter!
492
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:14,922
(grunting)
493
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:17,883
We need to find Candy.
Here, put on my sweatshirt.
494
00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:23,347
Mom, your
vagina's out!
495
00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:25,849
Alarming and sexy,
my go-to style.
496
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:27,267
Anyway, we
need to scram.
497
00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:29,686
Peter only wants
you here to settle
a grudge with Santa.
498
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:32,356
But he loved
my article about
global warming.
499
00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:33,941
That was just a scam, Candy.
500
00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:36,485
My father's hatred of Santa
has turned his heart evil.
501
00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,487
We have to go before
he calls his guards!
502
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:42,908
-(intense music plays)
-(zombie rabbits growling)
503
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:46,870
(grunting)
504
00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:49,247
Ah!
505
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:50,290
-(P3 grunts)
-Ah!
506
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:52,626
Sorry, brother,
but it's biblical,
507
00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:54,419
and you suck.
508
00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:56,463
(Candy grunts)
509
00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:59,299
-(fighting)
-(P3 grunting)
510
00:21:01,259 --> 00:21:03,303
♪ ♪
511
00:21:06,264 --> 00:21:08,934
(growling)
512
00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:10,352
We don't have
much time.
513
00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:12,980
They'll go through
those carrots in a minute.
514
00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:14,523
(grunts)
515
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:22,239
Petunia:
Over here!
516
00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:26,326
The only female rabbit
without children is
here to save the day.
517
00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:27,911
-Wait!
-Come on!
518
00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:29,705
I'm sorry. I can't go.
519
00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:31,331
My dad might kill me, yes,
520
00:21:31,415 --> 00:21:33,542
but I have to try
and save my home.
521
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:37,254
There's a resistance forming.
We will make Easter good again.
522
00:21:37,337 --> 00:21:39,047
But I love you, Candy Smalls.
523
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:40,257
I love you, too.
524
00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:42,968
♪ ♪
525
00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:46,013
Petunia:
Behind you, brother!
526
00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:48,223
Feral freaks at 6:00!
527
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,267
(growling)
528
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:56,690
Hop over this, bitch!
529
00:21:58,525 --> 00:22:00,318
♪ ♪
530
00:22:03,196 --> 00:22:05,574
Take care of her, sister!
531
00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:06,950
Precious cargo!
532
00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:10,746
Candy:
Thanks for kicking
that freak's ass.
533
00:22:10,829 --> 00:22:13,415
I know you've been
masturbating to him
for years,
534
00:22:13,498 --> 00:22:15,042
so... means a lot.
535
00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:16,877
Of course.
Listen...
536
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,254
I know I haven't
been the best mom.
537
00:22:19,337 --> 00:22:22,674
I belittle you,
forge your checks,
steal from your 401k.
538
00:22:22,758 --> 00:22:24,718
Once I sold your kidney
on the open market--
539
00:22:24,801 --> 00:22:28,138
Yeah, I know all of this.
I get audited every year
because of you.
540
00:22:28,221 --> 00:22:32,142
Wow, you were one
step ahead of me
the whole time?
541
00:22:32,225 --> 00:22:35,479
You are
a smarty-pants,
like your father.
542
00:22:35,562 --> 00:22:36,938
You remind me
so much of him.
543
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:39,441
Sometimes
when I see you,
it makes me so sad.
544
00:22:39,524 --> 00:22:41,234
Then I get mad
that he's gone,
545
00:22:41,318 --> 00:22:42,736
and I lash out at you.
546
00:22:42,819 --> 00:22:44,905
-And I'm sorry, honey.
-Oh.
547
00:22:44,988 --> 00:22:47,365
Your dad was sweet,
just like you,
548
00:22:47,449 --> 00:22:51,495
but it did not get
him far in his career
in the coal mines.
549
00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:53,663
I don't want you
to make the same mistake.
550
00:22:53,747 --> 00:22:56,625
See the snakes
in the grass, Candy,
551
00:22:56,708 --> 00:22:59,669
then you become
a snake yourself.
552
00:23:01,838 --> 00:23:03,507
(tires screeching)
553
00:23:03,590 --> 00:23:05,300
I gotta get
to the candy factory.
554
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:07,803
Petunia, thank you,
and good luck to you.
555
00:23:07,886 --> 00:23:09,596
“My body, my choice!”
556
00:23:09,679 --> 00:23:11,556
Amen, woman!
557
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,976
(snoring)
558
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:18,355
-Boss, wake up.
-Oh, will you stop screaming?
559
00:23:18,438 --> 00:23:21,024
We have to get to
the candy factory fast.
560
00:23:21,108 --> 00:23:22,526
While I was,
uh, out sick,
561
00:23:22,609 --> 00:23:25,153
we had
a Chernobyl-level
taffy event.
562
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,322
The press is
all over it.
Wha--
563
00:23:27,405 --> 00:23:30,283
What exactly would
you call what you're
wearing right now?
564
00:23:32,035 --> 00:23:34,538
Best years of my life, dude.
565
00:23:34,621 --> 00:23:36,289
Stir in
the peanut butter,
stat!
566
00:23:36,373 --> 00:23:39,084
The oil will
loosen up the taffy.
Come on, people!
567
00:23:39,167 --> 00:23:41,586
This is Safety Czar 101 shit.
568
00:23:41,670 --> 00:23:44,881
And see?
Okay, it's working.
Cookie, you're free!
569
00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:47,467
No, wait! Please let me stay.
570
00:23:47,551 --> 00:23:49,928
I've only made a dent
in my sleep deprivation.
571
00:23:50,011 --> 00:23:53,056
I'm here with Candy Smalls,
Number Two at Santa Inc.
572
00:23:53,140 --> 00:23:55,350
Looks like the spill
is safely under control,
573
00:23:55,433 --> 00:23:56,434
but it makes us think:
574
00:23:56,518 --> 00:23:58,520
With the pressures of
choosing a Successor,
575
00:23:58,603 --> 00:24:00,522
has Santa started
to lose it?
576
00:24:00,605 --> 00:24:02,899
The Successor
will be with us
for a generation,
577
00:24:02,983 --> 00:24:05,402
and Santa is wise
to take his time.
578
00:24:05,485 --> 00:24:07,946
The only newsworthy
story here is
that Santa Inc.
579
00:24:08,029 --> 00:24:10,282
is running as
smoothly ever!
580
00:24:12,659 --> 00:24:14,161
You didn't have
to cover for me,
581
00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:17,038
but thank you.
I'm glad you did.
582
00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:19,499
It's good to have you back.
That is, if you are back.
583
00:24:19,583 --> 00:24:23,795
If I haven't, in fact,
lost you to Peter Rabbit.
584
00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:26,840
Oh my god.
Peter Rabbit's
fucking insane.
585
00:24:30,594 --> 00:24:33,138
I mean, his offer was
fucking insane... the offer.
586
00:24:33,221 --> 00:24:36,558
It was just so much.
So many benefits,
so much freedom.
587
00:24:36,641 --> 00:24:40,437
But, you know,
I realized, whether you
make me Successor or not,
588
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,940
I would rather be
a team player here
at Santa Inc.
589
00:24:44,024 --> 00:24:45,817
than running
the whole show there.
590
00:24:45,901 --> 00:24:48,737
That's massive...
What a character revealer.
591
00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:51,990
Like, I feel like
I know you like, like
so much more now.
592
00:24:52,073 --> 00:24:56,411
And you know what?
I, may-be, perhaps judged
593
00:24:56,494 --> 00:24:59,456
your speech to the Board
a little too harshly.
594
00:24:59,539 --> 00:25:04,711
-Welcome home, Candy.
-Thanks, Santa.
It's good to be back.
595
00:25:04,794 --> 00:25:08,215
I'm coming to you live
from the insurrection
at Easter Isle.
596
00:25:08,298 --> 00:25:12,552
Warning: You will never look
at a rabbit the same way again.
597
00:25:12,636 --> 00:25:15,096
-(fighting)
-(laughing)
598
00:25:18,683 --> 00:25:20,560
Happy Easter,
muthafucka.
599
00:25:20,644 --> 00:25:23,104
Yolks on you, bitch.
600
00:25:23,188 --> 00:25:26,316
(light music playing)
601
00:25:30,195 --> 00:25:33,323
♪ Na, na, na, na ♪
602
00:25:37,661 --> 00:25:41,289
♪ Na, na, na, na ♪
603
00:25:45,001 --> 00:25:48,588
♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
604
00:25:48,672 --> 00:25:52,300
♪ Na, na, na, na ♪
605
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,306
♪ Na, na, na ♪
606
00:26:06,273 --> 00:26:08,233
♪ ♪
607
00:26:14,823 --> 00:26:18,285
♪ Na, na ♪
♪ Na, na ♪
45827
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