Original subtitles

♪ I'm a fool to do your dirty work ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ I don't wanna do your dirty work ♪

♪ No more ♪

[phone chimes]

WOMAN 1: Dear Sugar.

I'm supposed to be getting married in a month.

My fiancé is amazing,

but I don't wanna go through with it.

WOMAN 2: Dear Sugar.

My wife and I just bought our first house,

and I know I should be happy.

But after she goes to work,

I just sit in it and cry.

WOMAN 3: Dear Sugar.

I've been a good wife for 25 years.

But for 25 of those years, I'd wanted to leave.

WOMAN 1: What do I do? WOMAN 2: When is it okay to go?

WOMAN 3: Do you think I should stay?

DANNY: What are you reading?

Uh, nothing.

How about five stars this time?

How about you go fuck yourself?

Dear Sugar.

I'm a messed-up woman.

I've been married twice.

I'm dishonest,

impulsive,

unhappy,

jealous,

and lonely.

[waterbed sloshing]

And I have no right to give advice

to anyone.

[water draining]

[sighs]

[knock on door]

[door opens]

RAE: Um, guys?

- Oh! Hey. Hey. - Shit. [clears throat] Hey, Rae.

RAE: Here.

It's from Uncle Lucas. He paid you back.

So now you guys can stop fighting.

Or maybe you already have.

Okay, I can't get anything else out of her,

but something's off.

Why the hell would Lucas trust a friend to drop off 15 grand?

Have you seen my Hayes letter?

I... I keep it in a book,

- and now I can't find the book. - No.

I need it for the retreat.

And now Rae's acting all cagey.

Wait. I found it. Ah! Good.

Hey, I want to know who the hell was at my house last night.

- Don't you? - Danny. Lucas paid us back.

Rae's not screaming at me.

We had sex for the first time in months!

Everything is good! Things are good!

What was up with that Uber driver last night?

[car honking]

Oh. That's... That's Amy.

So I will see you tomorrow night.

So you're leaving?

Right now? In the middle of this?

In the middle of what?

Danny, there is no middle. There is no "this."

Hey, everything is good.

Okay?

It's good.

Sorry. Hi. AMY: Mama, hustle!

What... Were you looking for that Hayes letter?

- Hi. - Hi. Hi. Hi.

Okay. So I got jerky.

- I got CBD lollies. - Whoo!

Oh, my God, what's wrong?

Nothing. Everything. I don't know.

- Let's just go. - Okay.

♪ Even The Losers by Tom Petty playing ♪

[women singing along] ♪ Baby, even the losers ♪

♪ Get lucky sometimes ♪

♪ Oh-ho! ♪

I never want to see another blue book in my life!

At least until next quarter.

- Oh, we should celebrate. - Yes!

Let's drive to Mexico.

Well, that's kind of far.

Come on, Mom. It's spring break.

Would you settle for Dairy Queen on Route 4?

How about this?

We will save up,

and then spring break, senior year,

we'll go somewhere great.

Yeah!

Yeah, okay. Uh, we've got...

- We've got two years to save. - Mm-hmm.

Where should we go?

Machu Picchu is supposed to be incredible.

The Inca Trail?

I was thinking less hiking, more margaritas.

[thudding]

[metal clanking]

Hey, wh... what are you doing?

Documenting.

Okay. Uh, well,

I'm Jess.

Uh, well, you're a terrible driver, Jess.

Huh! Uh, I wasn't... I wasn't driving.

Right. You were just sitting there, not moving.

I mean, who's gonna pay for this? JESS: Well, you were driving.

Honey, it was our fault.

No, no, Mom.

It's gonna take us both working doubles to cover this.

We're never gonna make it to Mexico!

Uh, well... You know what? My father knows a guy, a mechanic.

You wanna... give me your number?

I can see if he could...

I don't know, like, hook you up or something.

You know, why not? Worth a shot.

Yep.

Unless this is just some ploy to... get my number.

No. No way.

It's the mechanic. Uh... So I'm gonna get you a mechanic.

- Cool. - Yep.

[exhales] This writer's retreat is the best birthday present

that anyone has ever given me.

Aw! Well, you only have two sad little days left of your 40s.

- Oh, my God. - So you gotta go big or go home.

- That's what they say. - Oh, God.

"Legendary British author Hayes MacKeown

"leads this penetrating workshop

featuring a master craftsman working at the height of his powers."

Oh, "height of his powers"? Jesus!

Like, they'd ever say that about a woman.

Hey. So I have some news.

What?

Uh... Okay, I heard from my agents. Finally.

Okay. Okay. I'm so sorry.

And Random House is making an offer which...

Oh, my God.

- Wait! Oh, my God! - Right?

- Oh, my God! - It's not even that much money but it...

CLARE: Who cares? I mean...

It doesn't matter about the money.

- It's just like... - Yeah.

Out of curiosity, just how... I mean, I wonder how much...

Like, I think they said 85K.

- $85,000? - Yeah. But, uh...

- Holy shit, Amy! - I know.

And guess what? CLARE: What?

I guess there's some interest in the screen rights.

- Wow! - I know! What!

Wow! Oh, my God. Wow. I am... Whoa!

Oh, my God. This place!

Not. Too. Shabby.

Thank God they do a sliding scale, right?

[Amy laughing]

Amy? Amy! AMY: Oh, my God.

I just heard the news!

[both squealing, laughing]

Shut up, shut up, shut up! You are a goddamn goddess.

I'll just... I'll just sign us... Or, you know, check us in.

I am so excited for you.

- CLARE: Hi. - Hi.

I'm just here to, uh, check in Clare Pierce and Amy Adler.

Yes.

You're in "The Empty Chair: Writing About Abandonment."

Yay!

CLARE: Uh, no, no, no.

We're in Hayes MacKeown, "The Story Within."

You're definitely "Abandonment."

No, we're literally here for Hayes...

But you're literally in "The Empty Chair."

Yeah. "Empty Chair," yeah. No, that's us. Yeah.

Like I said. Let me get your welcome packets.

Mm. Thank you.

[clears throat] Can I see this?

- Why are... - So, okay, there's a, um, thing

which is that the Hayes' workshop sold out in, like, two seconds.

So, um, there's a loophole,

which is that we take the Abandonment workshop,

we say we hate it, and then we switch.

We're gonna abandon the Abandonment workshop?

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

MAN: So, Clare, what'll it be?

Sancerre or Rhône?

Um... red. Red's... red's fine.

Did you hear that, Joan? We have another hot earther.

I hope you like beef bourguignon, Clare.

It's good.

I... I love your paintings.

When we were in grad school,

we decided we would buy one piece of art a year.

Art being very loosely defined.

Uh, Clare's mom is something of an artist.

CLARE: Mm. No, not... not like this.

Come on, I mean, everything Clare has is practically handmade by her.

I mean, she basically built your house.

Is she an architect?

No, she's a waitress.

I waited tables in college.

I think it's something everyone should do once in their life, don't you?

She's in college too, actually.

With me.

- JOAN: Oh, you're kidding. - Good for her.

That's... It... It's never too late, right?

I wanted to be Ruth Ginsburg.

Jess, what if I came to law school with you next year?

Would you die? [laughs]

Well, actually, I was, uh...

I was thinking... Well, we were thinking...

that I might, uh, defer a year

to do some traveling abroad.

I'm sorry?

Clare's applying to a semester in Dublin,

so we... we thought it might be fun

if we both stayed on a bit longer, right? Yeah.

Huh.

I'm just gonna use the,

uh, bathroom. JESS: Oh, the bathroom? It's... Just go out to the left.

Welcome, writers.

Take a look at this chair.

[softly] Wow, they really took this whole

empty-chair thing very literally.

WOMAN: How does it make you feel?

What memories does it call up in you?

In this writing workshop,

we'll explore abandonment

as it relates to ourselves and our characters.

And we'll do it safely,

in a circle of trust.

[softly] We're just gonna stay for one minute,

and then we can bail and go to Hayes.

- Okay? Yeah. - [softly] We can't do this.

Oh, but also, he's with Random House too.

So I wanna ask him about an editor.

Ladies, everyone...

Sorry.

WOMAN: Maybe we weren't held...

[softly] We can't just leave after a minute.

We have to stay a little bit longer or it would be rude.

...maybe you weren't invited to that birthday party because...

everybody knew that you always wore a T-shirt over your bathing suit.

- Fuck it. Let's go now. - No, we can't...

- Let's go. Come on. Let's go. - Stop. You're not gonna leave me...

Come on. I'm not staying. Come on.

Amy!

[door opens]

I'm sorry.

[door closes]

Let's begin by closing our eyes

and remembering a time we emotionally abandoned ourselves.

JESS: [chuckling] I should've known.

[softly] I love this room.

All these... books!

Oh, you should take that one.

Hayes MacKeown. Oh, my mom reads everything he writes.

CLARE: And this ladder. I've only seen them in the movies.

I didn't know normal people had bookcases with ladders!

JESS: You think my parents are normal?

Yes.

They think you're just with some...

- backwoods... - What?

- Why did I wear this dress? - Stop.

You're perfect.

When...

do you think we should tell them?

Tell them what?

JESS: That we're engaged.

What?

We should get married.

No.

Well, we've only been together, like...

We've only been together, like, three months.

JESS: I... I don't care.

I don't. I want us to...

I want us to spend our lives together.

And then one day, we'll...

We'll have our own house,

and... and it'll be full of...

- art and so many books... - Books.

...and as many ladders as you want.

Are you being serious?

Uh...

- If you say yes, yeah. - Yeah, right.

[indistinct chatter]

MAN: You kinda... You wanna unlive that. You know what I mean?

However, it does beg the question,

this is... this is probably gonna be a plotline for the next one,

if I ever do a next one 'cause why the fuck would I bother?

But that being said...

Excuse me?

Oh, hi. I'm so sorry, but I'm just gonna sneak in there.

No. You... You can't. It's full.

No one's gonna know if I go in there.

I tried my workshop, but it's just... It's not a great fit for me.

So I'm... I think I could just slip into that.

I can't let you join that one,

but I... I can get you into, uh,

"Kooks, Crazies, and Nut Jobs: Writing About Mental Illness"

with Jan Barnes-Jablonski.

I don't think any of those words are okay to say.

It's literally the name of the workshop.

AMY: Clare. Clare.

CLARE: Oh.

AMY: Uh-huh, okay. Can you hold on one second?

Amy! [scoffs]

Oh, my God, I'm dealing with this book stuff.

My agent wants this book to come out in...

Why did you just leave me?

- Are you being serious right now? - Yeah!

I didn't leave you, Clare. You stayed.

CLARE: Ugh.

Hi. Yeah, I'm here.

I... I don't know, I've never been to London before.

Wow.

This... This is incredible.

Yeah, well, don't expect a home library.

Hi!

Hi, Mom. JESS: Hi!

- We meet again! - Whoa!

CLARE: Jess didn't believe me when I said, "Middle of nowhere."

- Hi, honey. - I missed you.

How was the drive?

I hope no one rear-ended you.

[laughing] No. No.

FRANKIE: This time.

Is this...

Is this, um...

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, we... we wanted it to be a... a surprise.

It's Jess' grandma's engagement ring.

I am surprised.

DANNY: [on voice mail] Hey, it's Danny. You know what to do.

Hey, it's me. I'm just checking in

because I... I just hate how we left things, and I just...

This place is so awful.

People are so weird, and... and everyone is vegan,

and there's, like, no bar,

and I just... I'm, like... Just wanna...

Uh, anyway, so I'll just see you tomorrow night.

And, um, uh... Okay. All right. Bye.

Ooh, my God!

- You all right? - Yeah, it's hotter than I...

Ooh!

- HAYES: You'll get used to it. - Yeah.

I'm Clare.

P... Pierce.

Oh, yeah?

CLARE: You probably don't remember my name.

Oh, look, if I... If I did anything, uh, inappropriate,

it was entirely my fault.

I was a whiskey sodden wanker

- with the manners of a fuckin'... - Oh, my God. No!

- No? - Yeah. No.

All right, that's a fucking relief.

Actually, I sent you a letter, uh, once

- with a short story... - Oh, yeah?

...that I'd written.

It's called "The House with the Blue Canoe."

Right. CLARE: It was a long time ago.

It was, like, 18 years ago that I wrote it.

It was on the back of a menu.

I was a waitress. Had a lot of doodles on it.

Nice.

The menu had a lot of stuff on it, like, "Surf, Surf, and Surf."

HAYES: [chuckling] Okay.

He was a very irreverent chef. HAYES: Right.

Um, anyway, the... the point is, is that I wrote to you about my story

and then you answered me back.

What did I say?

"Dear Clare, thank you so much for sharing your beautiful short story.

"I was deep in the throes of writing,

"but I just had to stop to tell you to keep up the good work and keep going.

There's something special there. Much love, H.M."

[exhales] Or something like that.

Yeah. That's nice.

Anyway...

You told me to... You... told me to keep going.

- HAYES: Good. - So I did.

- Okay, good! - Yeah.

Then... I didn't.

I didn't. I...

Oh, I thought that if I just, like, saw you,

like... saw you, saw you...

Like, it... it would just jar something loose in me

or just, like, dislodge something that's, like, kept me from...

[sighs] Do you remember what you saw in me?

I didn't read your story.

And I... I didn't write to you, for that matter.

You did.

I have, like... I have it right up there. You definitely did.

No, no, no, no, no. That wasn't me. That would've been Morag.

Is... Morag is a person?

Morag. Yes. That was my first wife.

She used to answer all my fan mail, you know?

And, um, she was a poet.

She definitely... She would've used the word "throes."

I mean, she had a tendency towards the dramatic,

which was unfortunate.

But she had really good taste in other people's work.

And she loved fish. Shellfish.

So "Surf, Surf, and Surf" would've been right up her alley.

[inhales] Well, okay.

Jess, please sit.

Oh, no, it's okay.

I actually...

I need to use the, uh, outhouse.

Then I will tackle the dishes. You stay right there.

[door closes]

He's a really good guy, Mom.

FRANKIE: He seems wonderful.

And he obviously adores you.

But you are both just so young.

I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I did.

CLARE: Okay, well...

Jess isn't Dad, and I'm not you.

I don't wanna live like this forever.

There's a whole world out there of art and... culture

and... and rooms full of books.

And I want that.

You should have whatever you want.

Okay. Well, I want more than this.

[door opens]

Whoo! Hello!

So, there's, like, a fire-pit jamboree or something tonight, if you wanna...

What are you doing?

I... I think I'm gonna head out.

[Amy sighs]

I'm sorry if this...

feels hard for you.

Who said anything about anything being hard?

Why can't you even pretend to be happy for me?

What? Amy, I am so happy for you.

Okay. You're happy for me? CLARE: I am.

I mean, you got a book deal 20 years ago,

and I've been busting my ass trying to catch up ever since.

16 years ago.

And then I had Rae.

Okay, so...

you... you got the thing that you chose to do,

but yet, you're not really that happy for me

when I get the thing that I chose to do.

That's not fair. AMY: It's not?

I've been with you, side by side, neck and neck,

for every single little and big event in your entire life.

I've been there for your wedding to Danny,

all the kid's birthday parties,

the snot noses, the discolored shits.

Your joys were my joys. Your bummers were my bummers.

And you can't even, I don't know, be happy for me!

Because I was happy for you

when you got all the things that you wanted that I didn't get.

That's different. That's, like... You didn't want those things!

AMY: How do you know what I want?

It's, like, you just...

I'm sorry, but you just act like

you're the only fucking person in the entire world

that didn't get your heart's desire.

You didn't write a book.

You didn't... write... the book.

You didn't become the writer

that you imagined that you were going to become.

And it's not my fault!

And it's not Danny's fault.

And it's definitely not Rae's fault.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That was...

Clare.

[door slams shut]

♪ somber music playing ♪

FRANKIE: I can take this up for you after the wedding.

It'll make a lovely summer dress.

Thanks, Mom.

What is it, sweet pea?

Too tight?

Do you think I'm making a mistake?

This is not a runaway train.

And if you don't want to do this,

you can step off at any time.

No. I love him.

And everyone's here.

That is not why you get married.

I'm sorry I acted like this wasn't good enough.

That's okay.

CLARE: Hey. AMY: Mm.

I didn't know you wanted to have kids.

I said...

that I wasn't having kids.

Amy...

I'm just... [exhales]

I'm just really tired of people looking at me

like I'm some un... unrealized woman

because I'm... I'm not a mother.

And then sometimes...

[exhales] ...I think that they're right.

Amy.

You are an amazing woman.

You're fearless.

You're gorgeous.

You're funny as shit.

You once worked a double with a plum up your vagina.

Who else can say that?

Oh, my God. I hope nobody. [Clare chuckles]

You are the best friend that anyone could ever have.

And you are a soon-to-be...

bestselling novelist.

I know that.

Thank you.

Can I come here, please? AMY: Yes.

Mm.

Hayes didn't even write me that letter.

What? What're you talking about?

It turns out it was his wife.

- One of his wives. - Oh, my God.

- Named Morag. - Morag?

Morag.

And she was the one who answered all of his fan mail.

Barf.

Let me tell you something.

I bet you

that Hayes MacKeown would...

kill to be turning 50 right now,

his whole life ahead of him.

There you go.

CLARE: Hi. It's me again.

Blue Canoe, right?

I'm gonna make you actually sign my letter.

Is this my Morag penitence?

Maybe. HAYES: Okay.

See the handwriting runs right off the fucking page. Look at that.

CLARE: I know.

Whatever happened to her?

- Oh, she left. - Ah, right.

- HAYES: I mean, they all fucking left. - Mm.

MAN: Dear Sugar. It's... It's like this online advice column.

But she writes these raw, gorgeous essays that just gut you.

WOMAN: Oh, I don't do self-help.

It's not even like that, okay? It's... It's... She's been through it.

She's been through it, and she's real about it and you can tell.

MAN: She would... She would... HAYES: Oi!

WOMAN: Okay, you've convinced me...

You know what? HAYES: Hmm?

Why don't you keep it?

- HAYES: Really? - Yeah.

- HAYES: You sure about that? - I'm good.

That's nice of you.

I would like this though.

Please. Sign.

All right.

Should I personalize it?

Should I use the word "throes"?

Uh, "Sugar."

You can make it out to...

"Sugar."

All right.

CLARE: Dear women,

I'm writing to all of you out there

who are in the throes of trying to answer these impossible questions.

When should I go?

When do I leave?

And how do I stay?

Right before my junior year of college, I married a good man

whom I both loved and should not have married.

Because the day I married him,

there was a small, clear voice inside me that said, "Go."

That said...

"Go...

"even though you love him.

"Go...

"even though he is kind and faithful and good to you.

"Go...

"even though there is nowhere to go.

"Go...

even though you don't know exactly why you can't stay."

And once I heard that voice,

I couldn't unhear it.

So instead, I tried not to listen.

Oh, but, women, you have to listen.

There are so many reasons we should stay.

But there is really only one reason to go.

AMY: Should we hit the outlets on the way home?

CLARE: Ooh. Yeah.

Go...

because you want to.

Go...

because wanting to leave is enough.

Yours, Sugar.

Hey.

Hi. I'm so glad you're up.

DANNY: Yeah.

How... How was it?

Oh, uh, it was, like, awful.

And then, it was... actually good.

I, uh, I...

I'm sorry.

For what?

I've, um...

I have been trying to...

get out of this hole.

Um...

And I've been blaming you and... Rae too, honestly.

Neither of you have kept me down in it.

Clare, I... CLARE: No, no, um...

You were right. I did betray your trust.

It has nothing to do with Lucas or the money.

It's about our life together.

I, uh...

I disappeared.

I emotionally bailed

on so many levels

and I just, like, haven't felt alive.

- You know? - Yeah. Yeah.

And so I have been working on something.

Something I haven't told you about.

And I think it's really good.

And I... I think people think it's really good.

And I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna work on it. Full time.

So don't be mad, but I... I wanna quit my job, okay?

And I... I... I know I just took it on,

but I think that that's what has to happen.

Yeah.

And I also spent 200 bucks at the outlets, and that's it.

Okay. CLARE: Okay?

Oh, thank you. Thank you, Danny.

What? We're gonna figure this out.

- I... I'm, uh... - Just you, me, and Rae.

- Gimme a se... Let me talk. - Okay. No. Okay.

I am...

so happy for you. I really am.

But, um, I don't wanna do this anymore.

Do what?

This. Us.

- CLARE: You don't wanna do us? - I wanna go.

What are you talking about?

I wanna go because I want to.

And...

And wanting to leave, it's... it's enough.

♪

♪ I fell in love with you ♪

♪ Long before I knew ♪

♪ What it meant to give everything up ♪

♪ I was a rolling stone ♪

♪ Rolling my way alone ♪

♪ Till you came and made sense out of everything ♪

♪ If it was all a mistake ♪

♪ Then I guess we're both to blame ♪

♪ I could've been ♪

♪ So many things ♪

♪ But it would never be enough for you ♪

♪ I was the one ♪

♪ You counted on ♪

♪ But I was never the one for you ♪

♪ Now I know ♪

♪ I lost you a long time ago ♪