Original subtitles

[moaning]

[grunting]

MAN: It's so good.

I fucking love it.

I felt like I was fucking.

[Clare moaning]

Thanks.

Thank you. That's...

Thanks.

MAN: It's just so raw.

I mean, our readers are gonna be blown away.

[laughing] I mean, obviously, with a few edits.

I mean, I think we can probably change the title:

The Love of My Life.

I mean, it's not exactly a romance, right? So.

[Clare crying]

It sort of is, right?

Because of the love that I have for my mom,

who died when I was...

Right. Totally.

But... I mean, it's also about some pretty mind-blowing sex.

[Clare crying]

But then, this volcanic sadness about your mom,

and just so much crying.

Okay. So I...

It's all one thing, right?

I'm... I'm making a connection between two things that seem separate.

There's sex... and grief. MAN: Right.

- And I'm... - Totally. Totally. Yes. Okay?

And... it is a...

- It's a brilliant essay. - Mm-hmm.

MAN: But our readers, they want the fucking, right?

They want that raw Denis Johnson shit.

And if you fix this,

you could be, like, a female Denis Johnson.

You could be, like, Denise Johnson.

Okay. Sorry. I don't wanna...

I don't think it needs to be fixed.

Sorry, I just... I believe in my work.

Look.

Unless you significantly revise it,

I don't think that I can publish.

Pablo, this is one of the strongest pieces I've ever written.

Agreed. Agreed.

And I really want it published.

I need it published.

I know.

Okay?

So lose the sad.

[crying]

- [door slams] - Ah, shit!

Frank... Uh, Rae?

Rae!

Booker, you seen Rae?

[sighs]

Oh, thank God.

Oh, Rae.

Rae, hi. If you...

Yeah, I've been calling for you to help me with the groceries.

[sighs] How was the game?

Stupid.

Okay.

So I know you...

I know you probably don't wanna talk about... - Correct.

But...

I know that you probably have had twosomes before...

- Mom. - ...but this...

I think a... a threesome is a big leap.

So I was wondering

if maybe you were subconsciously worried about our little threesome.

- About... - What?

...me and you and Dad.

- Eww! Ew! Ew! Ew! - No, I don't mean it in that same way.

I'm just... I'm not saying it in a... I'm...

Not everything is about you.

[Rae sighs]

Is this... Is this about Carmen?

Montana. Her name is Montana now.

I told you that. [Clare sighs]

Of course, it is.

Why not name yourself after a beloved red state?

You know, she won't even return my texts anymore?

So, yeah. Thank you!

Sorry, I didn't mean to make fun of her.

Mmm...

[softly] Mel is gonna gloat.

She... She just always gets gloaty when we ask for an emergency session.

Well, our 16-year-old having a fucking threesome

kinda warrants one.

I think it was Montana's idea.

Yeah. That girl is a bad seed.

It's why I never drive her home.

Shit! I can't find my wallet.

Do you know... Do you know that her mother sells salt?

Yeah. She imports hand-gathered sea salt.

That is her actual job.

I think they live in Spain.

Or maybe they have a house there or something.

Mm-hmm.

I don't know.

All I know is that they're rich and cosmopolitan,

and we're poor and boring.

I bet that they're the kind of family that does molly

and then just, like, has dinner together.

Okay, well, Rae is never eating dinner there again.

Or... Or any other meal.

Lunch or snack or anything else.

Well, you know, the good news is nobody had sex at our house.

Intent to commit is still a crime.

I... I don't know.

I... I think that...

almost doing something is different...

from actually doing it.

[car engine starts] [Danny sighs]

I don't know, she's just...

- She's gotta be smarter, you know? - Yeah.

Last thing we need is a... a surprise pregnancy.

[phone chimes]

MAN: Dear Sugar...

For people out there who aren't lucky enough to just know,

how do you decide whether or not to have kids?

I'm 41, I love my life, and I don't really want to give it up.

I'm a guy who is happy without kids.

But I also could be really happy with kids.

I've always pictured myself as a father... someday.

But now, someday's here.

And, uh, I don't feel ready.

Can you help me, Sugar?

Signed, Undecided.

Oh, my God.

Danny.

Hi.

Hi.

[both laughing]

YOUNG CLARE: So, how's the band?

You guys... back out on the road again?

As long as the van's still running.

And I guess this label in Chicago might sign us on, so.

What? DANNY: Yeah. Really.

- Wow. - Thank you.

But how's the... the writing?

Oh, um...

- Yeah, it's... It's good. - Yeah?

It's fine. It's, um...

I wrote something about my mom that...

It might... It might be published.

- What? - Yeah.

But, uh, I...

It's just co... It's complicated. Um...

- That's... amazing. - Yeah.

Can I... read it?

I'll let you know.

Of course. Of course.

How's Lucas? He's still living at your mom's place?

Um, yeah.

Well...

He's supposed to be, but most of the time, he just crashes at mine.

- Mmm. - Yeah.

He's lonely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

♪ Are you Gonna Be My Girl by Jet playing ♪

♪ So one, two, three Take my hand and come with me ♪

♪ Because you look so fine that I really wanna make you mine ♪

♪ I say you look so fine that I really wanna make you mine ♪

Thank you for meeting with us last minute.

I'm glad I was able to fit you in. DANNY: Yeah.

So, uh, um, I came, uh,

I came home early from work the other day...

Before she was put on leave.

Okay. Um...

And, uh, I heard some noises coming from down the hall.

And what kind of noises?

[both moaning]

Uh, sex-ish noises.

[moaning]

At first... I thought it was Danny.

What?

They were coming from our bedroom. [scoffs]

Who'd... Who the fuck would I be having sex with?

I don't know. You kicked me out of the house,

- so I don't know what you're doing. - Okay. God, Jesus.

CLARE: That's where we are! Sorry.

Then I... I open the door...

Then I open the door, and it was... Rae.

And she was with two of her friends.

They were half-naked,

and they were just kind of,

uh, tangled up on the bed.

- So. - Were they having sex?

No. No, they weren't. Luckily.

Well, you weren't there.

Um, it's... it's debatable, I guess.

I don't think I've ever seen you so...

Are you uncomfortable talking about sex?

Uh, yeah, when it... when it refers to my 16-year-old daughter.

Absolutely. Hell, yeah. I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm uncomfortable.

And with you and Clare?

- What? - Yeah. What about us?

I mean,

are you both

having it?

Together?

I wrote a song about you.

Really?

It's not done yet, but... yeah.

I wanna hear it.

[chuckles] Of course, you do.

- Maybe, I don't. - Mmm.

Nah, you do.

And it's good.

Will you send it to me when it's finished?

I'll think about it.

Only if you send me what you wrote about your mom.

Then we have a deal.

- No, that's different. - How?

- That's different than a song. - No, it's not.

It's your creation.

We make things.

And we share them.

At least... we used to.

I mean, it's been... I mean, it's...

[exhales] It's... It's been...

I think we're really here to talk about Rae.

[scoffs] Yeah.

DANNY: And what's going on.

And... And... And how... how she's being influenced.

Well, I mean, the most embedded messages usually come from in the home, so.

So... what?

I've read your work.

I looked you up right after we first started.

You are a very powerful writer.

- But... - [exhales] Okay, there's a "but."

Do you think there's a chance she read your Whore essay?

Slut.

The...

The essay was called Slut.

And there's no threesomes in it.

I mean, if you listen to any of his lyrics...

'Cause his lyrics are pretty sexually explicit.

What the hell?

I'm just saying. "Your thighs bring me closer to God"?

Maybe she heard that.

That's Nine Inch Nails.

Except the thighs part.

Do you not remember my songs anymore?

Of course, I do!

Most of them were about you.

[Mel continues writing]

Danny.

Of course, I remember your songs.

Can... Can we just go back to hating Montana?

See, Mel always just makes things worse.

[scoffs] Always.

You know, I think that we just have to do something.

I do.

I... I think that we need to go talk to Montana's mother.

Why?

Try to buy some salt from her?

No, because I think that her daughter just forced our daughter to do something,

- and that she needs to know that. - Nah. Again, no.

Because she obviously has no clue. DANNY: No.

And I think that...

She, uh... She used our house for that bullshit!

Yeah. No. No.

Danny! Danny?

No, Clare. Drop it.

YOUNG CLARE: Fuck! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Dude, are you okay? Why... Why are you saying, "Fuck"?

Fuck!

♪

YOUNG AMY: Fuck-me boots? Really?

You sure that's a good plan?

Are you gonna fuck the baby out?

[scoffs] Amy! You're terrible.

You're the one who hasn't told Danny.

I'm gonna have an abortion.

They say good things happen in threes.

I never should've gone on that hike.

I should've just...

I should've just gone to Don Guac's

and gotten a burrito like a normal hungover person.

You probably would've run into Danny there too.

Isn't that, like, your place?

- Oohh, can I borrow this? - Take it.

Goth maternity wear isn't really a...

thing.

So now you're not getting an abortion?

I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing!

I... I don't know. What would you do?

I'm never having kids, so I wouldn't have it.

Wait, what?

How did I not know this?

People freak out if you don't wanna be a mom.

It's like a mortal sin.

Oh, well, people are stupid.

I might feel different about the whole deal

if I had had a mom like yours.

Mm.

What if this is the last time I wear these boots?

- You're not dying. - I feel like I am.

You're not.

You're just maybe gonna have a baby.

[Clare chuckles derisively]

Or maybe not.

Either way, you need to tell Danny.

YOUNG DANNY: I thought you were on the pill!

Well, I stopped taking it after we fucking broke up

to give my... give my body a break from the hormones!

Fuck! I don't think you understand.

Like, I... I seriously can't deal with this right now. I have...

Okay. Okay, Danny, I'm sorry it's so stressful for you! DANNY: Stop! Stop!

That's not what I meant!

- Why are you yelling? - Because I'm fucking frustrated!

And we're both yelling.

[softly] You yelled first.

Clare, I can barely pay rent.

And the band...

I can't be in South America when you're having a baby, Clare.

I can't.

- South America? - Yeah.

Brazil and Argentina.

Shit.

What?

Shit!

- We're just... - Danny, shit!

...the openers.

It's not... Well, first of two openers. It's nothing.

What... What am I talking about?

I feel like a fucking asshole talking about my band right now!

Who cares about my band?

I care about your band. You care about your band.

And you should.

I love... I love your band.

I love you.

And I don't wanna be some cliché of an absentee father either.

My family will fucking disown me.

[Danny sighs]

[softly] Fuck!

Yeah, that's...

That's not the same as loving me.

I do love you.

You fucking know that, Clare.

Okay. Um...

- The timing's terrible. Obviously. - Yeah.

Yeah, we're not even together.

- This isn't that hard to figure out. - You know, I mean...

I mean, if this is how we got back together,

- we'd always know this was the reason. - Exactly!

I'd have to give up music.

I'd have to... I'd... I'd have to get a... a desk job

or whatever gives benefits.

Like, what are my skills?

What... What can I even do?

I'ma have to go back to school,

get a fucking degree.

Danny, stop! Just stop for a second.

It's okay.

- No, it's not... - It's okay.

We broke up for a reason.

We need to go out, and we need to live our lives.

You go on tour. Fucking kill Argentina.

Fucking kill Brazil!

I'm gonna...

I'm gonna go to Iceland and climb a... glacier or something.

I'm gonna live my life.

And I think you should live yours.

♪ somber music playing ♪

Ugh, what the fuck?

[panting] [door opens]

GIRL: Mrs. Pierce?

Oh, hi, uh, Montana.

[panting]

It's a lot of stairs.

Grocery day must be a...

[panting]

...a workout!

Oh, our groceries are delivered.

But I get it. It takes my grandma, like, a half hour.

Can I get you a beverage? Or perhaps a towel?

Uh, that's okay. I just, um...

Uh...

[exhales] Actually, water would be great. Thank you so much.

Uh, still, sparkling, or pH-enhanced?

Never mind, that's okay.

Uh, is your, uh... [exhales]

[exhales] Excuse me.

Is your mom home? I was, uh, hoping to speak with your mom.

She's in Barcelona.

Of course, she is.

Is there anything else I can help you with?

Actually...

I was wondering...

what made you think it was a good idea

to orchestrate an orgy in me and my husband's bedroom?

That was Rae's idea.

That's bullshit.

Maybe you weren't aware that she's completely obsessed with me.

I mean, why do you think

she decided to start going by her middle name?

What?

I said "Rae" was cooler.

I can't help that she's in love with me.

Look,

you little entitled,

fucking, pretentious,

little, fucking dipshit.

First of all, her name is not for you to change.

Second, if someone is in love with you,

you treat them with respect.

Are you sure you don't want a towel?

[exhales] You treat their heart

like you are holding a fucking day-old duckling

whose neck could break at any fucking second, okay?

Oh, my God, duckling? Are you, like, 50?

No, I'm fucking 49 years old!

And I know how to have a fucking threesome.

Not that pathetic little pussy-ass shit!

That's offensive and self-hating.

Do you have any idea

how fucking lucky you are to be loved by her?

I would fucking kill to have a fucking ounce of that love,

and she wastes it on you?

What kinda fucking name is "Montana"?

Who are you? Fucking Brad Pitt in fucking A River Runs Through It,

thinking everyone wants to fuck you because you have fucking great hair?

[kid chuckles]

Okay, your... That child was filming this,

so you could ask him to fucking kindly delete it from the apps.

All the apps.

[Rae sniffling]

Hey, guys.

What's wrong?

You!

- Well, I... I... - Please don't.

There's a TikTok.

[Rae crying]

Of course, there is.

Honey. Can I...

[door rattles]

Okay. If you wanna talk about anything,

I... I'm right... I'm right here...

RAE: I won't!

Ever!

[Danny sighs]

What do you think of black?

For a cradle?

Yeah. Badass.

What do you think?

It's great.

- CLARE: Yeah? - Mm-hm.

For a tablecloth.

[Clare laughs]

Mom would love it.

Yeah.

Listen, I'm... I'm gonna get a legit job and... and help with the bills.

Maybe we could move back to Mom's together.

Yeah, maybe.

You know, you're better off without that asshole.

He's not an asshole.

CLARE: Dear Undecided.

Every life has a sister-ship.

A ship that follows the path we could have taken but didn't.

On that ship is the person we would've been

if we had taken that phantom path.

And that person lives a different phantom life

than the one you're living now.

So the question is: who do you intend to be?

You believe you could be happy in any scenario,

becoming a parent or remaining childless.

And you wrote because you want clarity,

but there won't be any.

At least not yet.

There will only be the choice you make

and the sure knowledge that that choice, any choice,

will contain some loss.

So get out a pen and paper, and make a list.

Write down everything you know about your real life

and everything that you imagine about your future life.

And then look at them both.

YOUNG LUCAS: Okay, let's take that.

We gotta go. We gotta go now!

[Clare groaning]

- LUCAS: I gotta get to the door. - Okay. Okay.

- Oh! - Sorry. Sorry.

Oh, my fucking God!

CLARE: One is the life you'll have

and the other is the sister-life you won't.

And you get to decide what to do.

CLARE: [on TikTok] What kinda fucking name is "Montana"?

Who the fuck do you think you are?

Fucking Brad Pitt in fucking A River Runs Through It?

Fucking... "Oh, everybody wants to fuck me..."

- I can't. I can't! - Clare, yes, you can.

Yes, you can.

CLARE: There are certain things I wouldn't know until I became a mom.

And certain things I will never know because I became one.

Who would I have been without my child the last 16 years?

Who would I have met if I had traveled to the corners of the Earth?

And where would that have taken me?

♪

I just know the clarity that I longed for

happened when I held my daughter's body against mine.

What should we name her?

CLARE: And in that moment, one life ended...

and another began.

Frankie.

[baby fussing]

Hi, little Frankie.

Hi.

[door opens]

You told me to live my life.

This is it.

♪

CLARE: Do you wanna hold her?

DANNY: Uh, yeah. CLARE: Here.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, it's, uh... It's midnight.

You think she's okay?

I think she just needs space, you know?

[Clare groans]

You should get some sleep.

Why? What do I need to do tomorrow?

[chuckles]

Maybe you wanna go for a hike or something?

♪

Yeah.

Maybe.

♪

I'll never know the life I didn't choose.

And neither will you.

We'll only know that whatever that sister-life was,

it was important and beautiful.

And not ours.

Hey, pretty girl.

Hey.

Hey, man.

Thank you. For everything.

CLARE: It was the ghost ship that didn't carry us.

There is nothing to do but salute her from the shore.

Yours,

Sugar.

♪ Looking Out by Brandi Carlile playing ♪

♪ I went out looking for the answers ♪

♪ And never left my town ♪

♪ I'm no good at understanding ♪

♪ But I'm good at standing ground ♪

♪ And when I asked a corner preacher ♪

♪ I couldn't hear him for my youth ♪

♪ Some people get religion ♪

♪ Some people get the truth ♪

♪ I never get the truth ♪

♪ I know the darkness pulls on you ♪

♪ But it's just a point of view ♪

♪ When you're outside looking in ♪

♪ You belong to someone ♪

♪ And when you feel like giving in ♪

♪ Or the coming of the end ♪

♪ Like your heart could break in two ♪