Original subtitles

[gasps, grunts]

-[roars] -[grunts]

PHIL: There it is, Hope.

The rare and elusive cantaplum.

Should we succeed in procuring it,

this moment will, without question,

endure as the single most

important occurrence of our lives.

-We just had a baby.

-After the birth of Phil Jr.

-Her name is Dawn! -I never agreed to that!

Here's an idea, why don't we let her decide?

Hello, female infant. This is Phil Betterman speaking.

Oh, you're asleep.

Well, rise, barely formed humanoid layabout,

and stop wasting precious moments

of your all-too-fragile life!

HOPE: Phil!

-Sorry.

Now, as soon as that cantaplum turns red--

Ah! It's red! It's red!

-Run, Hope! -I'm holding Dawn!

-Ah! Must I do everything?!

[yells, grunts]

[dramatic music playing]

[slow motion] Cantaplum!

[slow motion laughing]

[grunts, yelling]

-[Dawn whining] -It's okay, Dawn.

I'm sure your father is fine.

[Phil yelling, grunts]

-[groans] Another full fruit fail.

But don't worry, dear.

-I'm not worried. -Yes, you are.

But we'll get a cantaplum if it's the last thing we ever do.

Isn't that right, Phil Jr.?

-Dawn! Her name is Dawn!

-Never!

-* Let's live wild, the world's our own *

* We built this wheel now it's gunna roll *

* You know a spark becomes a fire wherever we go *

* Whoa-ho-ho *

* Stuck together, stuck, stuck together *

* It's an evolution for worse or for better *

* To find some unity *

* For all humanity *

* Because we're stuck together *

* In one big family tree *

DAWN: Eep's had a lot of trouble on this course today.

One can only imagine what's going through her head

as she lines up--

-Dawn? You mind? -Sorry.

-Come on, Eep. You got this, whatever this is.

[snoring]

[all gasp]

ALL: Aww.

-And, like my dad's back,

it appears Eep has buckled under the pressure.

-Wait, look!

[snoring]

[all cheering]

-It's in the mouth! It's in the mouth!

-Well, 18 holes is a nice round number,

so I guess we're done playing,

um, what are we calling this game?

-[coughs] Golf.

-Golf! Best game name ever!

-Ugh. Beetball. Ugh.

I need to rinse my mouth out with pie.

-So, Thunk and Guy didn't wanna play [coughs] golf?

-Nah, they went hunting with Gran and Sandy.

[growling]

-Shh.

-[crunching] -Huh?

-[crunching loudly] -[animal roars]

-Not that I'm complaining,

but I'm shocked Phil also didn't wanna play.

I mean, [coughs] golf was made for him.

No running, no lifting, it takes forever--

-And for some reason, it makes you feel like you're

better than other people when you play it.

-Phil does love that feeling. But it's cantaplum season.

-Canta-whaaa?

-Cantaplum. It's a fruit.

And once a year, Dad makes us go

into the middle of the woods with him,

so he can pick one.

-Well, so he can tryto pick one.

But he never pulls it off.

-No? Why not?

-Pfft, 'cause he's Phil. Ha!

-Betterman Burn! -[imitates sizzle]

-Right, and because only one cantaplum grows at a time,

and every animal alive would kill to get it.

-All that for some fruit?

There's plenty of fruit on the farm.

[munches] Mm, mm. Papaynapple.

-That's a banana. -[laughs] Good one!

[yells] Why'd ya hit my strawpeary?

-A cantaplum is no mere fruit, you intellectual sinkhole.

It's an edible epiphany.

I tasted one once when I was a youth.

I was doing what any carefree

and rebellious boy my age would,

documenting the spore propagation

of varied exotic fungi.

I parted the foliage

and found myself witness to a beastly skirmish.

But what was the cause of this savage dispute?

After one bite, it all became clear.

This was a fruit worth any sacrifice.

So haunted am I by the memory of that one blissful bite,

I refuse to relent until I once again

feel the cantaplum's sweet embrace.

-[Phil yells, grunts] -That didn't happen.

-Of course, it did!

The cantaplum is real and it's delicious!

As are my heartfelt feelings about it!

-I believe that part.

It's the you catching it part I don't buy.

-What?! Why?!

-Uh, uh, ah! Ugh. Oh, please.

That throw was aimless and uncatchable.

-Was it, though?

-Sounds like you could use our help

if you wanna score that cantaplum this time, Phil.

-Yes! That's a way better idea than failing again.

-Absolutely not. -Why?

-Because it's Phil.

It's like I always say,

"No, I don't wanna help Phil."

-Good, because I don't want you helping me either.

-[Phil yelps] -I said I didn't wanna help you first!

-Ah, cursed chronology!

Hope, Dawn, follow me.

The cantaplum ripening is imminent

and there's much work to be done.

-I just hope it's a quick failure this time.

-That's the spirit, Mom!

-Well, now I'm curious to know if that

cantaplum juice is worth the squeeze.

-How curious?

-Before we endeavor to procure a real cantaplum this year,

I thought we should do a dry-run.

Behold, the Betterman Cantaplum Catch & Keep Course.

Please hold your applause.

-Thank you. -Wait, is that strawberry tied to a stick

supposed to be a cantaplum tree?

-And is it supposed to look sad?

Don't worry, little tree. You'll grow.

Unless you get chopped down.

-And what about the animals?

You know, the snarling things with the claws and the teeth

that are also trying to get the cantaplum?

-Phil Betterman has thought of everything. As always.

[clears throat] My Cantaplum Catch & Keep Course

is equipped with flawless mobile replicas of every creature,

great and small, that we could possibly encounter.

Terrifying, isn't it?

-How much time you've spent on this?

Definitely. And while I appreciate your efforts

with whatever this is--

-I just told you

it's the Cantaplum Catch & Keep Course!

-I don't think it's going to help.

-[Phil groans] -But you know what would help?

-The Croods! -Nonsense.

They lack the nimble dexterity required for the task.

Now watch as I weave my way through this gauntlet

and pluck that plum.

[yelling, wincing]

Fine. The Croods--

[yells] Help!

-I just think you're being unreasonable.

-Yeah, Dad. Getting a cantaplum sounds like a blast.

There's adventure, there's dangerous animals, there's food!

-Yeah, but there's also Phil.

And even a little Phil ruins everything.

It's like I always say,

"Even a little Phil ruins everything."

-And the bananas. Tell us the story with those.

-They taste terrible! -Then stop eating them.

-It's, it's not the bananas.

Everything tastes bad because Phil told us

about those stupid cantaplums,

and now my stupid mouth

doesn't wanna eat anything stupid else.

-Okaaay, so should we help Phil

get a cantaplum like I suggested?

-What makes you say that? -You!

-Right. I'll bring the road bananas.

I'm sorry, old friend. So sorry!

-I think it's nice we're all doing this together this year.

-Well, we kinda had to after Dad and Phil melted down.

-Enough mindless chatter!

Keep the air clear for mission communications only.

[yells]

[all gasp]

My Betterman Back Basket got stuck on a branch.

-Ha! You got branched!

-Why don't you paint a cave painting?

It'll last longer!

-Good call, Phil.

But I didn't bring any painting supplies.

-Ooh! Maybe Dad has some in his Back Basket!

-Hey, Dad? Do you have-- -I was being facetious!

Now get me down!

-What's in that thing, anyway?

-Emergency supplies such as water,

a Dare-A-Chute, and Betterman Better Balm,

a lipid-based compound applied to one's lips to avoid chapping.

[obnoxious, sloshy sounds]

-So gross.

-To you. Because you've turned your back

on your tragic, parched lips.

-Mm?

-Now, getting the cantaplum isn't going to be easy.

-You'd know, Phil. 'Cause you've failed every time.

Ha! Cantaplum burn! Ah! [imitates sizzle]

-Let's make that the last time you do that, okay?

-Do what? You mean this? Ah! [imitates sizzle]

[Ugga groans]

-Ugh, as I was saying, it's not going to be easy.

But it can be done. Because I have a plan.

-Agh, here it comes. The "plan."

-Does the plan have a lot of big words and moving parts?

-[Hope groans] -Pay attention!

The plan has a lot of big words and moving parts.

Step one, when the cantaplum turns red,

I will launch a diversion to distract the animals.

Any questions before I move on to step two?

-Yes. What's step one?

[Phil groans]

-...and that's step one. Again. Do you get it now, Grug?

-Completely. -Excellent.

Step two, with the animals' attention

now on said diversion, I strike.

Any questions?

-Actually, can we circle back to step one?

Specifically, what is it? Same question for step two.

-[groans] Step one.

And that brings us to step three.

The Croods will lead the savage animal horde astray,

leaving the Bettermans free to safely return

to the farm without incident.

Any questions before I move on to the next step?

[yells]

Step four,

once the cantaplum reaches the safe confines of the farm,

there's only one thing left to do with it.

-Yeah, eat it! -Wrong!

Bury it. And in just six to nine short moons,

all of us shall partake in the literal fruit of our labor.

Because fruit. And we'll never want for cantaplums ever again.

Thanks to me.

-So, we're the bait?

GRUG: Hm?

-No more questions! -What?!

So you're saying I won't taste a cantaplum

for six to nine moons?

-Six to nine shortmoons, yes.

-I'm out.

Mm... I'm back in!

-Rest assured, my plan is foolproof if we all do our part.

Remember, there's no "can't" in cantaplum.

-Uhh, yeah, there is. -Lost cause, honey. Let it go.

-Paddle wet left a.k.a. dry right!

There it is.

Cantaplum, in all its juicy glory!

-Great! So, what are we waitin' for?

-[grunting] -Not yet!

The fruit must turn red before we pick it

or it will taste like foot.

It's a very demanding fruit.

-Where are all the animals, Phil?

You said this place would be crawling with them.

-Ooh, they're here. Waiting to pounce.

You just have to listen.

-[animal roars] -That's a bearacuda.

-[animal roars] -That's a tigerangutan.

-[animal roars] -That's a scorpulion.

[rumbling]

-And that's a Grugtummy.

-[groans] Grugtummy so hungry! -Silence!

The ripening is upon us!

Time for step one. [grunts]

-Phil, what is that?

-It's step one! Did any of you listen to a word I said today?

-ALL: No. -[groans] Fine!

Once the cantaplum turns red,

I will use the Betterman Light Launcher

to illuminate the sky with a bouquet of color,

thus distracting the animals

and providing me unimpeded access to the fruit.

-Bad idea. I should grab the fruit.

-Veer from the plan? And why would we do that?

-Because you're a little droppy.

-Victory is in my grasp--Ah!

-Phil, could you bring in the soup?

PHIL: Gladly, dear!

-[Phil grunts, yells] -[cookware clattering]

These chemicals are highly volatile,

Dawn, so we just have to--

-[Dawn gasps] -Run!

It's possible I've let a few, uh, insignificant things

slip through my fingers.

-You dropped me on our wedding night, Phil.

Am Iinsignificant?

-Anything but, my dear!

The point is, I would never drop the cantaplum.

Or my wife again.

Besides, youcertainly can't carry the cantaplum.

Your caveman brain

doesn't have the ability to delay gratification.

-Hm?

-You. Are. Impatient. -Hm?

-[Hope humming] -Are ya done yet?!

-Grug!

-Done yet?! -PHIL: Grug!

-Done yet?! Ah! -Grug!

-Yeah, but that was years ago. -It was hours ago.

-Uh, we might have to talk time another time

because the cantaplum is turning red!

* *

[Phil grunts]

[monkey chatters]

-Time for step two.

[panting, grunts]

[slow motion yelling]

Gah! [grunts]

After all this time, you're finally--

-Mine!

-Agh!

-Dad, what are you doing?!

-I'm saving the cantaplum!

We can't trust Phil's fumble fingers!

[Eep, Hope sighing]

-Nor can we trust that Grugtummy!

-Is this a step? -Yes, it's the step

where Grug ignores the steps.

-[firework pops] -Ah!

[growls]

[growling]

-[panting, grunting] -PHIL: Watch out!

[all scream]

-And now, we're on the step where we save Phil and Grug.

-From the animals and each other.

-Phil was right. You do look tasty.

But don't worry, Plummy, Grug's gonna get you home.

PHIL: No, Phil is!

-Agh! Round things!

-And that's your plum-uppance! Ha!

[growls]

Ah, ah, ah, ah! Come on, hands, defy expectations!

-Ah! -Canta very much!

-"Canta very much"? How lazy!

-Mmm! Aw, who am I kiddin'? I'm eatin' this thing!

Ahh--Ooh! [screams] Get it off, get it off!

-Don't call it a comeback. 'Cause it's a plum-back!

[yelling, grunts]

Ah, ah, ah, ah! Ah! Gotcha! Sticky fingers! [laughs]

Gah! [yells]

[grunts] Get me out! I've been rock-rolled!

-[laughs] Got yer plum and takin' it!

-Seriously?! You're not even trying now!

[yells]

[grunts] Plum and get it! See?

Decent wordplay's not that hard!

-[yells] -[loud thud]

-Hole in one Phil! Ha!

PHIL: No! What does that even mean?!

[panting]

[grunting]

-Ah! Quicksand! -Ha!

Plum's up! Yes!

I'm the GOAT, but I'm not agoat!

[laughing, yells]

Gah! A dead end. Not to fear, fruit friend!

Nothing can deter Phil Betterman from his delicious destiny!

-[Grug yells] -[Phil yells, grunts]

-Outhouse? Try inhouse! Ha!

-Complete gibberish.

You're actually getting worse at witticisms.

-Whatever. Just fork over the cantaplum.

-Ah. Better. But not much. Also, never!

I'll cling to this cantaplum like an unwanted memory!

[Phil yelling]

-Gah! What are you made of, glue?!

Drop it! Drop it!

-No! I'll prolong this forever like an awkward conversation!

[Phil yelling]

-Oh, good. They're working things out on their own.

[shouts] Grug, put Phil down!

-No! -I'll handle this, Ugga.

[shouts] Phil! Stop being so clingy!

-[Ugga grunts] -GRUG, PHIL: Ow!

-Dad! Phil! You don't need to fight!

-Or whatever you call that.

-If you're saying we should work together,

that's not gonna happen!

-It most certainly won't!

-Dad, you don't have to work together.

You just have to stop working against each other.

-We have the cantaplum.

Now, let's just get it back to the farm.

-Now. Before the animals catch up.

-Perhaps we could declare a fruit truce

for the greater good.

[long sigh]

-I guess.

But who's gonna carry the cantaplum?

-I will. 'Cause I'm not one of you.

-Very well. Because it's not Grug.

-And also very well 'cause it's not Phil.

So, cough up the cantaplum, Phil.

I'llgive it to Eep, so youdon't drop it.

-No! I'llgive it to Eep,

-so youdon't eat it! -[grunting]

BOTH: No!

[both gasp, growl]

-I'm jumping! -Plum plunge!

-Gah! They were so close to setting a good example.

-Yep.

So, you guys wanna grab lunch? -Mom.

- Afterwe rescue them, of course.

[both yelling]

-Great! Now we're gonna smash into the ground!

-Just deploy your Dare-A-Chute! -Hm?

-Ooh! [grunts]

-Dare-A-Chute?! But I didn't bring a--

-[grunting] -Oof, uh, yah, gah, another yah!

[yells, grunts]

[Phil grunts]

-Whew. Rough landing for me.

-[wincing] Rough landing for you?!

-Wait, where's the cantaplum? Where did it go?!

-Relax, Phil. It's around here somewhere.

-No, it's not, you walking mouth!

It's gone! Gone forever! Wait!

It must be in that cave! And it's all mine!

-No, it's mine!

Breaking every bone in my body didn't slow me down.

-[bones cracking] -[wincing]

[lips smacking]

-W-Wh-What's that noise? Phil?

[gasps] Gorgwatch?!

-Mmm, mmm. -Ah! [groans]

-Relax, Grug. It's only the sound

of responsible mouth maintenance.

I must tend to my baby-soft lips,

so they don't become chapped and chafed.

Such is the burden of tender, smoochable lips.

-Ew.

[gasps] The cantaplum! I found it!

-Stay back! I'll carry it!

You see? My grip is as sure as-- Agh... I did that on purpose.

[grunts] Hold on. [grunts]

You're embarrassing me, hands!

-That's it! I'm carrying it!

Your hands are too weak for fruit this important,

and beautiful,

-and delicious-- -Grug, no! Ah!

-Hm?

Well, I guess we were right about each other.

-Indeed. Our flaws have generated a shared conundrum

with only one logical solution.

-We switch heads? -How would that help?!

[Hope grunting]

-Those are Phil's footprints, and Grug's?

Or a badgerilla's. Is there a difference?

-[animal roars] -[gasps]

-We're about to find out.

Those animals are getting closer.

We need to move.

-[growling] -[all scream]

-Something else is in there, too!

[growling]

-And it's going to eat us just like it ate them!

[all screaming]

[growling]

-Grug? -Phil?

-They're okay!

-And doing pigatorback rides for some reason.

[growling]

- Arethey okay?

-We're better than okay, 'cause we've got this! Ha!

-Unfortunately, between Grug's compulsion

to put everything in his mouth, and my fumble fingers,

this arrangement is the only way

to safely transport the cantaplum

-back to the farm. -Sure. Or I can hold it.

-GRUG: Hm? -[animal roars]

-[all gasp] -Glad that's settled

so we can [shouts] run!

-Giddy up, Grug! Hyah! -I'm a man, not a ride!

[Grug whinnies]

[all panting]

-[roars] -Ah, turn dry left!

[grunts]

[yells] Turn dry right!

-[roars] -[grunts]

Hi-ho, Grug! Away!

[all yelling]

I can't keep this up!

-What? You're not even running! I am!

-We're not gonna make it!

I guess there is a can't in cantaplum!

-There was always a can't in cantaplum!

-Yeah, but there's no can't in Grug!

-Or Ugga! -Or Dawn!

-Or-- -Okay!

Can't isn't in any of our names!

We get it!

[all panting]

[all yelling]

[heavy breathing]

-We made it! -Yeah, until the gate breaks!

-Well, you did it. You actually got a cantaplum.

-Or the rest of us got one in spite of you two

doing everything imaginable to sabotage that.

-You're right, Ugga. We do make a pretty good team.

-All except Grug. -Or I make a good team at least.

-[sighs] -But enough accolades.

The sooner we plant this treasure,

the sooner we begin the long wait

to enjoy its eventual bounty, nature permitting.

-Or we could just eat it now.

-Yeah, after all that, I think we've earned it.

-I call first bite! -Second! And third!

-No! We have the cantaplum because of me

and I say we plant it to reap its rewards

for years to come! Now dig!

-Gah! Fine.

-Stupid circle of life. -Mm.

[grunts]

[ambient nature sounds]

[giggling]

-Huh? -Mm-mm.

[growls]

-[both gasp] -BOTH: Mm-mm.

-[both gasp] -ALL: Mm-mm.

[all snoring]

[classical music playing]

[animal chittering]

PHIL: It's gone! The cantaplum is gone!

Grug, open your mouth!

GRUG: Phil, it's not in my--[yelling]

PHIL: I know it's in here somewhere

and I'm going to find it!

* *