Original subtitles

[ Hammer clanging ]

♪

[ Laughs ]

♪

Man: It's alive!

♪

[ Laughter ]

♪

[ Laughter ]

Give me all your money. Oh, please don't hurt me!

Not so fast, punk.

Aah!

Upside down now! Aah!

Thanks, Spider Man!

♪

[ Thud! ]

[ No sound ]

Oh, hello, Kendra, I see you posting that thirst trap.

I mean, a girl's gotta 'gram.

I bet you're going to have a bunch of hunks

sliding into your DMs.

Man: Did someone say "DM"? [ Cellphone chimes ]

"Ooh. Is this a photo of a desert?

Because I can't handle the thirst," ReplyGuy69.

Ugh! No, not him again.

Zip-zoop! Tis I, Reply Guy,

responding to women's posts faster than the speediest Wi-Fi.

R-R-R-Reply Guy ♪

Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas!

Fred Flintstone!

You're the best Santa Claus we ever had

here Macyrock's Department Store.

Here you go, kid.

Great Gazoo! Do you want to sit on Santa's lap?

You stopped having a lap in your 20s, fatso.

Don't worry. That joke's still cool.

This episode aired in 1964.

[ Laughs ] - Very funny, wise guy. Now scram.

I'm spreading Christmas spirit.

Fred, dum dum, what year is it?

This is the year 10,000 B.C.

Do they teach you what B.C. stands for

in the School of Rock?

Of course. Before Christ.

So you are celebrating a holiday named after some dude

who won't be born - for another 10,000 years?

What are you getting at?

Well, I'll just show you. - Aah!

Oh! What's the big idea?

A bunch of cavemen celebrating Christmas.

That's the big idea.

You've literally broken the time-space continuum,

you fucking idiot.

Holy macaroni! - On Zetox, we always knew

your timeline was a danger to us,

but we couldn't figure it out until you rock humpers

actually started celebrating Christmas!

Christmas!

Which they did in season five.

It's a shame when God's plan goes wrong, ain't it, Gazoo?

Say, how come you can see Gazoo, Mr. Macyrock?

Only me, Barney, children and animals can see Gazoo.

Yes, my storyline was insulting.

Because, Flintstone!

I'm Satan. [ Laughs ]

Holy shit, it's Lucifer, the Lord of Hell,

Quick, dum dum, Bedrock is doomed if you don't kill Satan!

♪

Announcer: Will Fred kill Satan?

Will Betty get that saber-tooth fur coat

or did Barney lose their Christmas money shooting craps?

Find out after these messages for cigarettes and bourbon!

♪

[ Smooches ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Rock music playing ] Ooh!

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

Announcer: You screamed when you met "Jaws."

You couldn't believe your eyes when you saw "The Meg."

Now get ready for the biggest shark yet.

That's a pretty big shark. That one?

No. The one behind it.

This summer, stay out of the water.

Hell, stay off the planet.

Sharks finally got too big.

"Big Fucking Shark Fuck Fucking Shark Fuck:

The Legend Begins."

♪

You're my number-one guy. [ Chuckles ]

You looking to take in any more strays? Woof-woof!

Ugh! Damn it, Reply Guy!

R-R-R-Reply Guy ♪ O-Oh, my God!

With my Infant-o-Ray,

I will turn all the people of Earth into helpless infants.

Enjoy crappin' your pants, Space Ace!

Oh, no! Aah!

Aging in reverse visibly!

Blast! Only nicked him.

Oh, man, I'm a teenager again?

Wait! This means - my parents aren't divorced yet.

Maybe if I get straight A's, my mom won't stop loving my dad.

Yeah, but it's, uh, not a time machine.

[ Both grunting ]

Wait, stop, uh, you're, um, you're spotting.

Yes, I'm Cheetah. I have spots.

No, you're -- you're spotting.

Oh, shoot. Not today.

Hey, don't worry.

You know, I always carry a spare tampon. Here.

Oh, thank you, Wonder Woman.

Girl code trumps arch rivalry every time.

I've been thinking - about trying that Diva Cup.

Way better at handling a super flow.

Ugh! - Fuck off, Flash!

I will.

♪

I knew it!

"Teen Wolf" did come out in 1985.

♪

Turns out you're actually size eight.

Not that big after all.

Who am Bigfoot now? [ Sobbing ]

Man: Oh, yeah. - [ Laughs ]

Looks like someone's having a naughty dream.

Hate to kill the mood!

What the hell, man?

Oh, uh,

I, um...

[ German accent ] Can we help you?

I'm sorry. I'm -- I'm here to kill Jonathan.

Well, he ain't here, capeesh?

But this is his dream.

Yeah. He's having a sex dream

about the Michelin Man bonking Mr. Met.

Oh, God. R-Really? Hey, no judgment, right?

Who cares? Um, so he's not here?

No.

I guess I'll come back another time.

Ja. Auf Wiedersehen.

Oh, it worked. You guys are the best.

Hey, you got it, Jonathan. Any time.

So happy to help.

You sure you guys don't want to, you know, stay?

Not after last time.

Captain Planet!

Oh, shit!

[ Smooth jazz playing ]

Argh! You hear that, Captain?

Aye. It be the smooth jazz sirens.

[ Smooth jazz playing ]

It's so painful, but so catchy!

Resist it, me boy! - Resist the smooth jazz! Argh!

I -- I can't! Rhythmically moving!

No! Stephen, me boy! [ Hissing ]

Aah!

Argh! You want a tip?

Learn some Springsteen!

[ Dramatic music ]

♪

[ Camera shutter clicks, cellphone whooshes ]

[ Cellphone chimes ]

"This is funny, and I am impressed

that you wrote it as a woman"?

Reply Guy!

Who ordered the me? No!

Knock, knock! Who's there? It's me!

I think I might got glass lodged in my scrotum.

R-R-R-Reply Guy ♪

Blocked?! No! I'll see you on Twitter!

You're watching E!'s red carpet coverage

where the biggest stars of HBO are now arriving.

There's one now.

It's Millennial Girl Toilet.

Hi.

Wow. Tonight you're nominated

for "I May Destroy You" and "Love Life."

I haven't seen either and know nothing else about you.

Yes. So many thrilling scenes

where lead actresses pee into me with the door open.

And your big break came from appearing on "Girls"?

Hmm. Lena Dunham actually mentored me

as another young white woman who's taken a ton of shit.

Which HBO role has been your fave?

"Euphoria."

Teens would throw up into me, dump pills into me

and get their boxes munched on top of me.

Wow. Such range.

Anything coming up? - Yes.

Half the new season of "Barry" takes place in a men's room.

Weird pivot, - but Henry Winkler's a doll.

Congrats, girl.

Oh, look, it's the outhouse from "Westworld."

Whose scat are you wearing tonight?

Groggy wake from sleep. What the?

I don't remember anything before waking up this morning.

Where am I. Who am I?

Maybe these tattoos are a clue.

Harold, this is Rudy Tabuti.

He loves to draw with chalk

as much as you love your purple crayon.

You'll probably have a lot to talk about

or you'll continue to be eerily quiet.

We have to get you tested.

Why don't you two kids go play?

Wow. A magic crayon.

That's cool, - but I'll do you one better.

Come on!

Wanna go meet my friends?

Zoom-zoom!

[ Coughing ] Things move fast in the Chalk Zone.

♪

[ Coughing ] Hey!

I guess I'll wing it.

♪

This is my world, kid! You don't even stand a chance.

Chalk was around long before your dumb little crayon.

♪

[ Both grunting ]

♪

[ Roaring ]

♪

[ Gunshots firing ]

♪

You think you won, but you didn't.

[ Laughs ]

♪

Millie: It was great to see you, Caroline.

We'll have to do this more often.

Hurry up, Rudy, stop slouching.

[ Door closes ]

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk! Bawk.

Stoopid Monkey.