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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,008 --> 00:00:05,009 ♪♪ 2 00:00:05,011 --> 00:00:06,009 [ Thunder crashes ] 3 00:00:06,011 --> 00:00:07,027 [ Cackles ] 4 00:00:07,029 --> 00:00:12,020 [ Theme music plays ] 5 00:00:12,022 --> 00:00:14,021 [ Whirring ] 6 00:00:14,023 --> 00:00:18,016 ♪♪ 7 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,012 Man: It's alive! 8 00:00:20,014 --> 00:00:28,000 ♪♪ 9 00:00:28,002 --> 00:00:29,012 [ Thunder rumbles ] 10 00:00:29,014 --> 00:00:39,009 ♪♪ 11 00:00:39,011 --> 00:00:42,014 [ Deep voice ] I don't know what happened to my voice, Dave. 12 00:00:42,016 --> 00:00:44,019 Just look at the flowers, Alvin. 13 00:00:44,021 --> 00:00:45,019 [ Revolver cocks ] 14 00:00:45,021 --> 00:00:47,015 ♪♪ 15 00:00:47,017 --> 00:00:48,010 [ Gunshot ] 16 00:00:48,012 --> 00:00:49,012 Who's next? 17 00:00:49,014 --> 00:00:53,000 Run, Theodore! Shiiiiit! 18 00:00:53,002 --> 00:00:54,012 Lady of the Lake, 19 00:00:54,014 --> 00:00:56,010 King Arthur lies dying from battle 20 00:00:56,012 --> 00:00:58,019 and would see Excalibur returns to you, 21 00:00:58,021 --> 00:01:00,017 so when a new king arises, 22 00:01:00,019 --> 00:01:03,027 he shall find Excalibur waiting. 23 00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:08,025 ♪♪ 24 00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:10,020 Oh, bollocks. 25 00:01:10,022 --> 00:01:11,019 Uh... 26 00:01:11,021 --> 00:01:12,019 [ Fingers snap ] 27 00:01:12,021 --> 00:01:15,015 Excalibur! 28 00:01:15,017 --> 00:01:17,000 Blazes. 29 00:01:17,002 --> 00:01:20,000 Oh, are you getting frustrated, magic arm? 30 00:01:20,002 --> 00:01:21,020 There's just as much lake over here. 31 00:01:21,022 --> 00:01:24,003 Come here to the sword, magic arm. 32 00:01:24,028 --> 00:01:26,002 [ Fingers snap ] 33 00:01:26,004 --> 00:01:27,015 Have you ever tried throwing a sword? 34 00:01:27,017 --> 00:01:30,005 The center of balance betrays the throw. 35 00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,028 Have pity. 36 00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:34,017 Oh, bloody right. 37 00:01:34,019 --> 00:01:36,013 I'm going to get the sword, and I'm going to cut 38 00:01:36,015 --> 00:01:38,011 the fucking magic arm off of you, 39 00:01:38,013 --> 00:01:40,001 you fucking lake with an arm on it. 40 00:01:40,003 --> 00:01:42,017 You fucking fucker. 41 00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:43,022 Oh! Right! 42 00:01:43,024 --> 00:01:46,013 Fucking come here, you fucking bitch! 43 00:01:46,015 --> 00:01:49,028 Percival, God has laid his grace upon me, 44 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,024 for I have recovered, and I... 45 00:01:51,026 --> 00:01:54,014 Oh, shit. Jesus... fucking... 46 00:01:54,016 --> 00:01:55,029 Get back here! 47 00:01:56,001 --> 00:01:57,004 Ow! 48 00:01:57,006 --> 00:02:01,000 Narrator: And so Legend of Excalibur lives on. 49 00:02:01,002 --> 00:02:03,007 This one's a bit of a fixer-upper 50 00:02:03,009 --> 00:02:05,001 but has excellent curb appeal. 51 00:02:05,003 --> 00:02:06,011 I'll take it. 52 00:02:06,013 --> 00:02:08,000 You don't want to see the inside? 53 00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:10,011 Are you kidding? It's a skull! 54 00:02:10,013 --> 00:02:12,021 I'm a skull! Oh, come on. 55 00:02:12,023 --> 00:02:14,025 I'll give you 15% over listing. 56 00:02:14,027 --> 00:02:18,005 [ Jet engine roars in distance ] 57 00:02:18,007 --> 00:02:21,000 [ Sighing ] Oh, shit. I'm under a fucking flight path. 58 00:02:21,002 --> 00:02:23,004 I'll take it! 59 00:02:23,006 --> 00:02:24,009 ♪♪ 60 00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:28,027 Happy birthday, Ronald! Make a wish! 61 00:02:28,029 --> 00:02:33,011 [ Chuckling ] Yes! Now that's a Happy Meal. 62 00:02:35,001 --> 00:02:36,000 [ Rapid chiming ] 63 00:02:36,016 --> 00:02:36,027 Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! 64 00:02:37,007 --> 00:02:38,007 Come on. This is a library. 65 00:02:38,009 --> 00:02:39,002 Shh! 66 00:02:39,004 --> 00:02:40,029 [ Chiming ] Study. 67 00:02:41,001 --> 00:02:42,007 Where were you carrying those? 68 00:02:42,009 --> 00:02:45,012 Leave the library! Shh. 69 00:02:45,014 --> 00:02:47,004 The Mirror of Erised 70 00:02:47,006 --> 00:02:50,027 shows us our heart's most desperate desire. 71 00:02:50,029 --> 00:02:52,024 - Boobs. - Titties. 72 00:02:52,026 --> 00:02:54,006 - Boobs. - Tits. 73 00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,027 - Boobs. - Boobs. 74 00:02:55,029 --> 00:02:56,022 - Titties. - Boobs. 75 00:02:56,024 --> 00:02:57,022 [ Whimpering ] 76 00:02:57,024 --> 00:02:59,015 What is it you see, Harry? 77 00:02:59,017 --> 00:03:02,024 Oh, um, I s-s-saw my parents. 78 00:03:02,026 --> 00:03:04,020 W-What do you see, Professor? 79 00:03:04,022 --> 00:03:10,027 ♪♪ 80 00:03:10,029 --> 00:03:14,016 Socks... Thick woolen socks. 81 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,015 [ Telephone rings ] 82 00:03:16,017 --> 00:03:18,026 Charles Fort speaking. Roosevelt here. 83 00:03:18,028 --> 00:03:20,025 There's a most unfortunate ordeal 84 00:03:20,027 --> 00:03:23,027 developing in the Pine Barrens. 85 00:03:23,029 --> 00:03:25,013 Ah, the Jersey Devil. 86 00:03:25,015 --> 00:03:27,013 Yes, the unfortunate creature must be acting up 87 00:03:27,015 --> 00:03:29,003 because it's mating season. 88 00:03:29,005 --> 00:03:30,019 I'm on my way. 89 00:03:30,021 --> 00:03:32,003 Duty calls, my dear. 90 00:03:32,005 --> 00:03:34,018 Every monster just needs a solid whopping. 91 00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:38,020 ♪♪ 92 00:03:38,022 --> 00:03:40,000 Perfect landing. 93 00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:42,005 Here, chicky, chicky, chicky! 94 00:03:42,007 --> 00:03:43,028 ♪♪ 95 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:44,028 Aah! 96 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,012 ♪♪ 97 00:03:46,014 --> 00:03:47,012 Oh! 98 00:03:47,014 --> 00:03:48,026 You like it rough, eh? 99 00:03:50,010 --> 00:03:51,014 Ha ha! 100 00:03:51,016 --> 00:03:54,001 Care for a bunch of fives, you rambunctious hoyden? 101 00:03:54,003 --> 00:03:55,020 ♪♪ 102 00:03:55,022 --> 00:03:57,001 Bup, bup! 103 00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:59,026 Bup! Whoa! 104 00:03:59,028 --> 00:04:01,018 Now, a bit of... 105 00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:03,021 ought to subdue your beastly nature. 106 00:04:03,023 --> 00:04:07,012 ♪♪ 107 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:10,020 Wow, once again, music tames the savage beast, 108 00:04:10,022 --> 00:04:13,016 and by music, I mean my prodigious engine. 109 00:04:13,018 --> 00:04:15,028 [ Growls ] 110 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,010 Oh, come to take a whack of the white staff, have you? 111 00:04:19,012 --> 00:04:21,010 Well, come forth then, lusty goblin! 112 00:04:21,012 --> 00:04:23,025 I've got two ripe ghoulies waiting for you! 113 00:04:23,027 --> 00:04:24,025 [ Growls ] 114 00:04:24,027 --> 00:04:26,016 [ Ding! ] 115 00:04:26,018 --> 00:04:27,020 Why? 116 00:04:27,022 --> 00:04:29,010 Why did I not figure this out? 117 00:04:29,012 --> 00:04:32,001 Why would aliens look apes? 118 00:04:32,003 --> 00:04:35,025 Why would I, a NASA-trained astronaut, 119 00:04:35,027 --> 00:04:38,020 not recognize the night sky? 120 00:04:38,022 --> 00:04:40,015 Why would aliens speak English? 121 00:04:40,017 --> 00:04:44,022 So stupid, stupid maniac! 122 00:04:44,024 --> 00:04:47,022 I carry a big gun, and I won't treat you gently, 123 00:04:47,024 --> 00:04:49,002 so tell me, Fabrizio, 124 00:04:49,004 --> 00:04:51,005 where is the skinny Sicilian? [ Knocks on door ] 125 00:04:51,007 --> 00:04:53,000 Frank, it's time. 126 00:04:53,002 --> 00:04:55,010 ♪♪ 127 00:04:55,012 --> 00:04:57,000 Come on, man. You're Frank fucking Castle. 128 00:04:57,002 --> 00:04:58,003 You're a star. 129 00:04:58,005 --> 00:05:00,006 You're a big, bright, shining star. 130 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,029 Yep. Here's your problem. 131 00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:04,018 Gross. Is there more than one? 132 00:05:04,020 --> 00:05:06,018 There's 802 of them. You gotta catch them all. 133 00:05:06,020 --> 00:05:09,000 Ugh, how much is that going to cost? 134 00:05:09,002 --> 00:05:11,002 Ah, yeah. Mm, yeah... 135 00:05:11,004 --> 00:05:12,024 Woman: Wheres my little honey, Derek? 136 00:05:12,026 --> 00:05:14,025 Geez, Mom! Knock first! 137 00:05:14,027 --> 00:05:17,006 I-I-I'm sorry, Derek. I just wanted to say good night. 138 00:05:17,008 --> 00:05:18,021 Ugh, good night. 139 00:05:18,023 --> 00:05:21,001 [ Door slams ] 140 00:05:21,003 --> 00:05:23,016 Mm, yeah. Yeah... 141 00:05:23,018 --> 00:05:24,026 Don't forget to set your alarm... 142 00:05:24,028 --> 00:05:26,025 Oh, my God! Derek! 143 00:05:26,027 --> 00:05:27,025 [ Screams ] 144 00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:30,002 I said, "Knock"! 145 00:05:30,004 --> 00:05:32,002 Aah! Good catch, loser. 146 00:05:32,004 --> 00:05:33,002 Ugh. 147 00:05:33,004 --> 00:05:34,008 All: Boo-yah! 148 00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:36,000 'Sup, blood? 149 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,013 What's shaking? 150 00:05:37,015 --> 00:05:40,022 The Koosh Kins... from the '90s? 151 00:05:40,024 --> 00:05:42,015 Yeah, nice memory, home slice. 152 00:05:42,017 --> 00:05:45,003 Get ready to join the cool leagues! 153 00:05:45,005 --> 00:05:46,019 ♪♪ 154 00:05:46,021 --> 00:05:49,016 ♪ Hey, what's up, everyone, we're from Planet Koosh ♪ Koosh! 155 00:05:49,018 --> 00:05:52,002 ♪ If you never heard of it, you're a douche ♪ D-D-D-D-Douche! 156 00:05:52,004 --> 00:05:54,023 ♪ We've returned to Earth to help you get cool ♪ 157 00:05:54,025 --> 00:05:57,017 ♪ You got to roll with us, dog, don't be a fool ♪ 158 00:05:57,019 --> 00:06:00,001 ♪ Give me a slice, dog, and we'll get you pimping ♪ 159 00:06:00,003 --> 00:06:02,026 ♪ Hey, you the bomb, but you, you be tripping ♪ 160 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:05,007 Trish, I'm really sorry for what's about to happen. 161 00:06:05,009 --> 00:06:08,003 ♪ Hey, shorty, what's up, you looking so fat, boo ♪ 162 00:06:08,005 --> 00:06:10,022 ♪ I'm pumped for tonight, see you in the chat room ♪ 163 00:06:10,024 --> 00:06:13,026 You are ruining everything! [ Screams ] 164 00:06:13,028 --> 00:06:15,021 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's up? Wait, wait, wait. 165 00:06:15,023 --> 00:06:18,007 Guys, are we, like, no longer with it? 166 00:06:18,009 --> 00:06:19,024 Well, that kid is whack, homes. 167 00:06:19,026 --> 00:06:21,000 Let's hit Blockbuster 168 00:06:21,002 --> 00:06:23,008 and rent the latest Pauly Shore movie. 169 00:06:23,010 --> 00:06:24,020 Word! Word! Word! Word! 170 00:06:24,022 --> 00:06:28,010 Man: It puts the lotion on its skin, 171 00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:29,023 or it gets the hose. 172 00:06:29,025 --> 00:06:33,022 I've got to stop using this temp agency. 173 00:06:33,024 --> 00:06:36,022 Is it weird I used to kidnap your girlfriend? 174 00:06:36,024 --> 00:06:38,018 Eh. 175 00:06:38,020 --> 00:06:40,020 Welcome, X-Men, to your first day. 176 00:06:40,022 --> 00:06:44,003 When did you gifted youngsters learn you were gifted? 177 00:06:44,005 --> 00:06:46,002 Hi, my name is Scott Summers. 178 00:06:46,004 --> 00:06:48,324 I realized I had optic blast when I survived a plane crash. 179 00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:50,005 Great. 180 00:06:50,007 --> 00:06:53,007 Now I will use my psychic powers to show that moment. 181 00:06:53,009 --> 00:06:54,015 What now? 182 00:06:54,017 --> 00:06:58,007 I love you, Victoria's Secret catalog. 183 00:06:58,009 --> 00:07:00,023 Oh, oh! Aaaaaah! Wow! 184 00:07:00,025 --> 00:07:03,017 Uh... I, uh... Wh-What? That never... 185 00:07:03,019 --> 00:07:04,019 It's okay, Scott. 186 00:07:04,021 --> 00:07:07,000 Mutant abilities emerge during puberty. 187 00:07:07,002 --> 00:07:08,006 Who's next? Bobby. 188 00:07:08,008 --> 00:07:09,024 Holy shit. I don't want to do this. 189 00:07:09,026 --> 00:07:11,014 Look, let's just say I was being bullied, 190 00:07:11,016 --> 00:07:12,021 and I turned a bully into ice. 191 00:07:12,023 --> 00:07:14,001 Excellent, Bobby. 192 00:07:14,003 --> 00:07:15,026 Now let's see it on the big board. 193 00:07:15,028 --> 00:07:18,003 Okay, I'm already dropping out, so... s-so don't! 194 00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:20,000 Cool, everyone is asleep. 195 00:07:20,002 --> 00:07:21,026 Good thing I've packed my Victoria's Secret... 196 00:07:21,028 --> 00:07:23,008 Ugh! 197 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,014 God damn it! 198 00:07:24,016 --> 00:07:26,005 Who's next? Jean. 199 00:07:26,007 --> 00:07:27,011 ♪♪ 200 00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,000 I re-enroll. Bobby is back in. 201 00:07:29,002 --> 00:07:30,002 Go ahead. Goodness. 202 00:07:30,004 --> 00:07:32,020 Well, I suppose maybe it happened during, um, 203 00:07:32,022 --> 00:07:33,026 a slumber party pillow fight? 204 00:07:33,028 --> 00:07:35,005 Yeah, it did. Yeah. 205 00:07:35,007 --> 00:07:36,025 And then my top accidentally came off, 206 00:07:36,027 --> 00:07:39,021 and I could hear the other girls' thoughts, 207 00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:41,016 and that is when I knew. 208 00:07:41,018 --> 00:07:43,017 Show it. Show it. Show it. Show it. Show it. 209 00:07:43,019 --> 00:07:46,019 Thank you, Jean. Let's take a looky-loo. 210 00:07:46,021 --> 00:07:49,006 This shrimp cocktail is delicious, 211 00:07:49,008 --> 00:07:52,013 but I wish I had a napkin. Oh, there's one. 212 00:07:52,015 --> 00:07:54,009 [Gasps] Oh, neat. 213 00:07:54,011 --> 00:07:56,014 I have special powers. 214 00:07:56,016 --> 00:08:00,003 Oh, no. I think the shrimp was... 215 00:08:00,005 --> 00:08:01,013 Oh, gross! 216 00:08:01,015 --> 00:08:02,021 Turn it off! No, no. 217 00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:06,001 Youngster Jean waited patiently through your vision. 218 00:08:09,020 --> 00:08:13,003 [ All retching ] 219 00:08:13,005 --> 00:08:14,028 ♪♪ 220 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,024 Is this what you wanted, you pervs? 221 00:08:17,026 --> 00:08:18,029 ♪♪ 222 00:08:19,001 --> 00:08:20,018 Out of lasagna. 223 00:08:20,020 --> 00:08:23,009 Maybe that weirdo across the street has some. 224 00:08:23,011 --> 00:08:24,012 Another thrilling journey 225 00:08:24,014 --> 00:08:27,003 through Garfield's one dimension. 226 00:08:27,005 --> 00:08:29,021 [ Horn blares ] 227 00:08:29,023 --> 00:08:32,019 Fucking Mondays. 228 00:08:32,021 --> 00:08:34,009 Garfield, no! 229 00:08:34,011 --> 00:08:35,014 I'm nothing without you, 230 00:08:35,016 --> 00:08:37,014 no marketing value whatsoever. 231 00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:41,015 Don't you bury that cat in the Pet Sematary now. 232 00:08:41,017 --> 00:08:43,014 Sometimes, dead is better. 233 00:08:43,016 --> 00:08:44,028 How could dead be better? 234 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,010 Not dead, Ded's. Ded's Pet Crematorium. 235 00:08:48,012 --> 00:08:50,006 [ Chuckles ] 236 00:08:50,008 --> 00:08:52,020 [ Horn blares ] 237 00:08:52,022 --> 00:08:54,001 Oh, no. Odie, move. 238 00:08:54,003 --> 00:08:56,023 ♪♪ 239 00:08:56,025 --> 00:08:58,004 Yeah, I'm sure this will be fine. 240 00:08:58,006 --> 00:08:59,025 This will not be fine. 241 00:08:59,027 --> 00:09:02,005 He who disturbs our sacred ground 242 00:09:02,007 --> 00:09:05,000 shall pay a terrible price. 243 00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:08,004 Didn't you hear me? Can anyone hear me? 244 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:10,029 I once had sex with my horse. 245 00:09:11,001 --> 00:09:13,023 That felt good to get out. 246 00:09:13,025 --> 00:09:16,028 I love being old and alone. 247 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,004 I don't have to wipe when I shit. 248 00:09:19,006 --> 00:09:22,010 Eh? 249 00:09:22,012 --> 00:09:23,016 [ Screams ] 250 00:09:23,018 --> 00:09:26,005 That's the most upsetting place to cut. 251 00:09:26,007 --> 00:09:27,010 ♪♪ 252 00:09:27,012 --> 00:09:28,016 [ Screams ] 253 00:09:28,018 --> 00:09:31,003 That's the most upsetting place to cut. 254 00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:32,006 [ Screams ] 255 00:09:32,008 --> 00:09:33,021 Stop trying to top yourself. 256 00:09:33,023 --> 00:09:35,024 Well, now I'm going to slice that little flap of skin 257 00:09:35,026 --> 00:09:37,010 between your penis and your balls. 258 00:09:37,012 --> 00:09:39,004 [ Retches ] 259 00:09:39,006 --> 00:09:40,015 [ Voice breaking ] With Garfield and Odie gone, 260 00:09:40,017 --> 00:09:42,017 it's just you and me, Nermal. 261 00:09:42,019 --> 00:09:45,018 [ Giggles ] I'm the world's cutest cat 262 00:09:45,020 --> 00:09:49,003 living with the world's saddest 37-year-old man. 263 00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:52,004 My life is crap. [ Giggles ] 264 00:09:52,006 --> 00:09:54,019 [ Sobbing ] I hate Mondays. 265 00:09:54,021 --> 00:09:55,029 ♪♪ 266 00:09:56,001 --> 00:09:58,019 Garfield, you look terrible. 267 00:09:58,021 --> 00:10:00,005 I look exactly the same. 268 00:10:00,007 --> 00:10:02,021 That's what I meant... terrible. 269 00:10:02,023 --> 00:10:05,013 [ Screams ] 270 00:10:05,015 --> 00:10:07,022 So, no, your cat is not a zombie. 271 00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:09,305 All his fat must have cushioned the impact from the truck. 272 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,440 You buried me alive, you fat-shaming, 273 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,011 loveless piece of milk toast. 274 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,016 But he killed our neighbor. 275 00:10:14,018 --> 00:10:16,023 Classic case... of the lasagna withdrawals. 276 00:10:16,025 --> 00:10:18,001 They cause short-term irritability. 277 00:10:18,003 --> 00:10:19,010 Short-term? 278 00:10:19,012 --> 00:10:21,029 Did it wear off before or after you killed Nermal? 279 00:10:22,001 --> 00:10:22,020 Before. 280 00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:25,005 That pussy was a twat. 281 00:10:25,007 --> 00:10:28,026 [ Both laugh ] 282 00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,021 My greatest novel yet. 283 00:10:30,023 --> 00:10:32,011 [ Snorts ] 284 00:10:32,013 --> 00:10:33,012 Argh! 285 00:10:33,014 --> 00:10:36,004 No van could kill me! Steve King! 286 00:10:37,006 --> 00:10:38,011 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 287 00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:40,011 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 288 00:10:41,018 --> 00:10:42,023 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 289 00:10:42,025 --> 00:10:44,021 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 290 00:10:45,023 --> 00:10:46,028 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 291 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,001 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 292 00:10:49,003 --> 00:10:51,008 Ba-gawk! Bawk. 19529

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