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1
00:00:03,009 --> 00:00:05,009
♪♪♪
2
00:00:05,011 --> 00:00:06,006
[ Thunder crashes ]
3
00:00:06,008 --> 00:00:07,027
[ Cackles ]
4
00:00:07,029 --> 00:00:12,020
[ Theme music plays ]
5
00:00:12,022 --> 00:00:14,020
[ Whirring ]
6
00:00:14,022 --> 00:00:18,021
♪♪♪
7
00:00:18,023 --> 00:00:20,011
Man: It's alive!
8
00:00:20,013 --> 00:00:27,029
♪♪♪
9
00:00:28,001 --> 00:00:29,011
[ Thunder rumbles ]
10
00:00:29,013 --> 00:00:38,007
♪♪♪
11
00:00:38,009 --> 00:00:40,009
[ Farting ]
12
00:00:40,011 --> 00:00:42,010
[ Splash ]
13
00:00:42,012 --> 00:00:45,026
Uh-oh, where's my phone?
14
00:00:45,028 --> 00:00:47,005
Oh!
15
00:00:47,007 --> 00:00:48,013
No!
16
00:00:48,015 --> 00:00:51,014
♪ What's up, Blackness,
my old pal? ♪
17
00:00:51,016 --> 00:00:54,024
Oh.
Oh, no!
18
00:00:54,026 --> 00:00:57,015
♪ They emerged from the trees
to save our planet ♪
19
00:00:57,017 --> 00:01:00,014
♪ Squatch Squad!
20
00:01:00,016 --> 00:01:03,007
♪ With feet like concrete
and fists like granite ♪
21
00:01:03,009 --> 00:01:06,002
♪ Squatch Squad!
22
00:01:06,004 --> 00:01:08,028
♪ Cryptozoology in your face
23
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:13,015
♪ Hairy heroes that hail from
inter-dimensional space ♪
24
00:01:13,017 --> 00:01:14,023
♪ Bigfoot
25
00:01:14,025 --> 00:01:16,006
♪ Space Squatch
26
00:01:16,008 --> 00:01:17,017
♪ Skunk Ape Stomp
27
00:01:17,019 --> 00:01:20,025
♪ Squatch Squad!
28
00:01:22,008 --> 00:01:24,018
Skunk Ape, Space Squatch, look!
29
00:01:24,020 --> 00:01:26,028
They're bulldozing sequoias
to make room
30
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,024
for a bulldozer factory!
31
00:01:28,026 --> 00:01:30,007
These guys stink!
32
00:01:30,009 --> 00:01:32,008
Time to zap some dweebizoids!
33
00:01:32,010 --> 00:01:35,021
We're gonna need backup
for this.
34
00:01:35,023 --> 00:01:37,017
Batsquatch!
35
00:01:37,019 --> 00:01:39,010
Sheepsquatch!
Baaa!
36
00:01:39,012 --> 00:01:40,019
And Blurry Foot...
37
00:01:40,021 --> 00:01:42,010
the bigfoot of photographs.
38
00:01:42,012 --> 00:01:43,014
Ready!
39
00:01:43,016 --> 00:01:46,028
Squatches, stomp!
40
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,012
Oh!
Get it off!
41
00:01:48,014 --> 00:01:50,001
Get it off!
No.
42
00:01:50,003 --> 00:01:52,018
Don't disturb the forest!
43
00:01:55,005 --> 00:01:57,016
Oh!
Dying!
44
00:01:57,018 --> 00:02:00,009
Dying...
45
00:02:00,011 --> 00:02:03,009
♪ Squatch Squad!
46
00:02:04,013 --> 00:02:05,021
[ Indistinct conversations ]
47
00:02:05,023 --> 00:02:08,016
[ Laughter ]
48
00:02:08,018 --> 00:02:13,005
Indiana Jones, are you here
to take me on an adventure?
49
00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:15,007
Yes, Marion, an adventure.
50
00:02:15,009 --> 00:02:16,017
Whoo-hoo!
51
00:02:16,019 --> 00:02:24,007
♪♪♪
52
00:02:24,009 --> 00:02:27,010
Is this where
the Ark of the Covenant is?
53
00:02:27,012 --> 00:02:28,013
That's right, Marion.
54
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:31,000
Don't look,
no matter what happens.
55
00:02:33,023 --> 00:02:36,029
My sweet Westley, you've
returned to me and our love.
56
00:02:37,001 --> 00:02:39,017
Through my years as
the Dread Pirate Roberts,
57
00:02:39,019 --> 00:02:41,015
all I could think
of was this moment.
58
00:02:41,017 --> 00:02:43,014
You must have suffered greatly.
59
00:02:43,016 --> 00:02:44,029
Well...
60
00:02:45,001 --> 00:02:46,028
Take no prisoners!
61
00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,019
Slaughter them all!
62
00:02:48,021 --> 00:02:52,004
I'll take all the whores
in Freeport!
63
00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:54,011
Sire, the finest iocane powder.
64
00:02:54,013 --> 00:02:55,014
[ Snorts ]
65
00:02:55,016 --> 00:02:56,029
Yeah, bitch!
66
00:02:57,001 --> 00:03:00,007
I'm the motherfucking
Dread Pirate Roberts!
67
00:03:00,009 --> 00:03:01,011
Aagh!
68
00:03:01,013 --> 00:03:04,000
No biggie.
It was mostly sailing, fishing.
69
00:03:04,002 --> 00:03:06,020
But you were the most
feared pirate on the open sea.
70
00:03:06,022 --> 00:03:09,027
Perhaps now is a good time
to mention I have syphilis.
71
00:03:09,029 --> 00:03:12,018
[ Lasers firing ]
72
00:03:12,020 --> 00:03:15,006
Hey, Three, do you think
masturbation is gay?
73
00:03:15,008 --> 00:03:16,009
What?
74
00:03:16,011 --> 00:03:17,008
Well, you're stroking
your penis,
75
00:03:17,010 --> 00:03:19,016
but it's your penis, so, no.
76
00:03:19,018 --> 00:03:20,258
But, like, we're clones, right?
77
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,021
Like, your penis is my penis, eh?
78
00:03:23,023 --> 00:03:26,010
Are you wondering if it's gay
to have sex with your own clone?
79
00:03:26,012 --> 00:03:29,003
'Cause if it's between
two consenting adults, it's...
80
00:03:29,005 --> 00:03:30,023
who cares?
Cool.
81
00:03:30,025 --> 00:03:33,004
So, uh, hey, you want to watch
"Xanadu" tonight?
82
00:03:33,006 --> 00:03:35,001
I love "Xanadu"!
83
00:03:35,003 --> 00:03:36,020
Oh!
Damn!
84
00:03:36,022 --> 00:03:39,012
So close.
85
00:03:39,014 --> 00:03:40,027
Both: Hey, I've got a question
for ya.
86
00:03:40,029 --> 00:03:42,016
Yes! Yes!
87
00:03:42,018 --> 00:03:46,015
The Matrix is a simulation built
to change a human being's brain
88
00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:50,001
into a computer
that generates this.
89
00:03:50,003 --> 00:03:51,016
No!
Impossible!
90
00:03:51,018 --> 00:03:52,026
Bitcoin isn't real.
91
00:03:52,028 --> 00:03:54,009
What is real, Neo?
92
00:03:54,011 --> 00:03:55,012
Is the dollar real?
93
00:03:55,014 --> 00:03:57,009
Is a mint condition Black Lotus
94
00:03:57,011 --> 00:03:59,000
Magic: The Gathering card
real?
95
00:03:59,002 --> 00:04:01,026
Yes, but why would
the machines want Bitcoin?
96
00:04:01,028 --> 00:04:04,001
Because it goes up in value.
97
00:04:04,003 --> 00:04:04,028
So?
98
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,022
So then you have more Bitcoin.
99
00:04:06,024 --> 00:04:10,019
Is this why you freed me, to
save mankind from this bullshit?
100
00:04:10,021 --> 00:04:12,000
No, Neo.
101
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:17,024
You're here to lend me $5,000
so I can buy a Bitcoin.
102
00:04:18,015 --> 00:04:20,002
Happy birthday, Eleroo!
103
00:04:20,004 --> 00:04:21,028
Hello, advanced beings!
104
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:26,012
I am Dr. Seth Brundle,
half man, half fly.
105
00:04:26,014 --> 00:04:28,000
That makes you a Wuzzle, too!
106
00:04:28,002 --> 00:04:30,004
Join us for a party, won't you?
107
00:04:30,006 --> 00:04:33,025
I have recently discovered
a fascinating new way to eat!
108
00:04:33,027 --> 00:04:34,026
Observe!
109
00:04:34,028 --> 00:04:35,021
[ Vomits ]
110
00:04:35,023 --> 00:04:36,015
Aagh!
111
00:04:36,017 --> 00:04:37,025
Oops.
Sorry.
112
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:39,000
Agh, my bumble paw!
113
00:04:39,002 --> 00:04:42,012
Bumblelion!
Well, waste not, want not.
114
00:04:42,014 --> 00:04:43,025
Hey, get off of him!
115
00:04:43,027 --> 00:04:46,016
You... Aagh!
116
00:04:46,018 --> 00:04:48,014
It's too much hurting!
117
00:04:48,016 --> 00:04:52,000
Is that half shotgun,
half another shotgun?
118
00:04:52,002 --> 00:04:53,004
[ Gunshot ]
119
00:04:53,006 --> 00:04:56,011
That's stupid.
It's just a whole shotgun.
120
00:04:56,013 --> 00:04:59,025
♪ Happy birthday to me
121
00:05:02,013 --> 00:05:03,027
Would you like some honey
with your tea?
122
00:05:03,029 --> 00:05:05,004
Please.
123
00:05:05,006 --> 00:05:06,003
[ Inhales sharply ]
124
00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:07,003
Huh!
125
00:05:07,005 --> 00:05:09,019
[ Inhales sharply ]
126
00:05:09,021 --> 00:05:12,009
Ah.
Thank you.
127
00:05:12,011 --> 00:05:14,001
And for you, Miss?
128
00:05:14,003 --> 00:05:15,017
I'm good.
129
00:05:15,019 --> 00:05:19,001
So in conclusion, if the
volcano's eruption will kill
130
00:05:19,003 --> 00:05:21,010
the dinosaurs, we should let it.
131
00:05:21,012 --> 00:05:22,021
Judge: Thank you.
132
00:05:22,023 --> 00:05:25,000
The committee will now hear
from a dissenting expert.
133
00:05:25,002 --> 00:05:27,026
♪♪♪
134
00:05:27,028 --> 00:05:28,025
[ Clears throat ]
135
00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:31,017
[ Screeches ]
136
00:05:31,019 --> 00:05:35,004
[ Clearing throat ]
137
00:05:35,006 --> 00:05:36,023
Excuse me, kind sir,
138
00:05:36,025 --> 00:05:40,026
but I believe that
this is my assigned seat.
139
00:05:40,028 --> 00:05:43,017
The name
is Louis Goobberson III.
140
00:05:43,019 --> 00:05:46,006
My pals call me Gooey Louie.
141
00:05:46,008 --> 00:05:49,011
I... I'm sorry, I'm a little bit
of a germophobe, so...
142
00:05:49,013 --> 00:05:50,024
Totally understand.
143
00:05:50,026 --> 00:05:52,009
Hey, do you mind if I partake
144
00:05:52,011 --> 00:05:54,014
of some delectable
powdered doughnuts?
145
00:05:54,016 --> 00:05:56,017
They're extra powdery.
146
00:05:56,019 --> 00:05:57,020
Achoo!
147
00:05:57,022 --> 00:05:59,026
Achoo!
148
00:05:59,028 --> 00:06:01,026
You have to let me change seats.
149
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:04,001
Excuse me, Miss,
while I have you,
150
00:06:04,003 --> 00:06:08,010
do you perchance
have one single-ply napkin?
151
00:06:08,012 --> 00:06:09,016
[ Blows nose ]
152
00:06:11,012 --> 00:06:13,012
50 bucks for a DayQuil?
Ooh.
153
00:06:13,014 --> 00:06:16,013
I have always desired
to watch Pixar's "Up."
154
00:06:16,015 --> 00:06:18,026
This should be
light fare indeed!
155
00:06:18,028 --> 00:06:20,012
Oh fuck!
156
00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:24,016
[ Sobbing, sniffling ]
157
00:06:26,021 --> 00:06:31,008
Miscarriage and death...
what pain life holds.
158
00:06:31,010 --> 00:06:33,012
What unique sorrow.
159
00:06:33,014 --> 00:06:34,022
Such sorrow!
160
00:06:34,024 --> 00:06:36,013
Get a neti pot, you selfish ass!
161
00:06:36,015 --> 00:06:37,017
Hey, slow down!
162
00:06:37,019 --> 00:06:40,027
There's enough mucous
for everybody!
163
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,005
Aah!
164
00:06:42,007 --> 00:06:44,010
You just murdered
a federal judge!
165
00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:46,000
It's a mad house!
166
00:06:46,002 --> 00:06:48,020
Everything is snot!
167
00:06:48,022 --> 00:06:50,001
Oh!
168
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,019
The Allies have taken Berlin!
And why?
169
00:06:56,021 --> 00:06:59,016
Because you all failed to do
what I asked of you!
170
00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:02,017
Johann Schmidt, have you found
the Tesseract in Norway?
171
00:07:02,019 --> 00:07:07,013
Mein fuhrer, none of the
occult items you ask for exist.
172
00:07:07,015 --> 00:07:09,026
A better use of my mein troops
would be...
173
00:07:09,028 --> 00:07:11,011
[ Gunshot ]
Enough! Frau Haupstein,
174
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:13,006
have you
opened the gates to hell?
175
00:07:13,008 --> 00:07:14,018
I was not able to summon
176
00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:17,017
the demonic Hellboy
with the help of Rasputin.
177
00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:20,027
But I have been working
on a military strategy.
178
00:07:22,002 --> 00:07:23,015
Unacceptable!
179
00:07:23,017 --> 00:07:26,010
Herr Toht, have you recovered
the artifact from Egypt?
180
00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:28,010
Um, uh, yes.
181
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:31,006
I have found the lost
Ark of the Covenant.
182
00:07:31,008 --> 00:07:32,021
Wunderbar!
Where is it?
183
00:07:32,023 --> 00:07:35,016
It is...
uh, here.
184
00:07:35,018 --> 00:07:39,006
I have kept the 10 Commandments
in this briefcase.
185
00:07:39,008 --> 00:07:42,010
Finally, the key
to winning the war!
186
00:07:42,012 --> 00:07:45,023
[ Laughs ] Americanas, I bet you
did not expect...
187
00:07:45,025 --> 00:07:50,013
keep mein eyes closed,
keep mein eyes closed... this!
188
00:07:50,015 --> 00:07:51,013
[ Laughs ]
189
00:07:51,015 --> 00:07:55,010
The power of God
is mine to command.
190
00:07:55,012 --> 00:07:58,013
Your face is melting,
I wish I could see!
191
00:07:58,015 --> 00:08:00,019
And your face, too!
[ Laughs ]
192
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:02,025
The ghosts are so scary.
193
00:08:02,027 --> 00:08:04,018
Let's see where this goes.
194
00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:06,024
♪ Melty, melty, melty!
195
00:08:06,026 --> 00:08:08,006
So cool.
196
00:08:08,008 --> 00:08:11,012
Aliens sent you plans
for a spaceship in your dreams.
197
00:08:11,014 --> 00:08:14,006
We could be explorers.
198
00:08:16,001 --> 00:08:18,015
Holy crap, that's a...
a... what do you call it?
199
00:08:18,017 --> 00:08:20,017
An electromagnetic bubble
capable of moving
200
00:08:20,019 --> 00:08:22,020
at near limitless
distances and speeds.
201
00:08:22,022 --> 00:08:24,010
Yes! Wow!
202
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:29,009
That is quite the racket.
203
00:08:29,011 --> 00:08:30,019
Maybe we should check on them.
204
00:08:30,021 --> 00:08:33,014
No, let them
explore their bodies.
205
00:08:33,016 --> 00:08:39,011
♪♪♪
206
00:08:39,013 --> 00:08:41,023
[ Meowing ]
207
00:08:42,025 --> 00:08:45,003
Oh.
No!
208
00:08:45,005 --> 00:08:46,024
Oh, a Pez.
209
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,018
Thank you.
210
00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:50,021
[ Chuckles ] Mmm.
211
00:08:50,023 --> 00:08:52,017
Krypton is doomed, my son.
212
00:08:52,019 --> 00:08:56,007
But on Earth,
you shall be like a god.
213
00:08:58,014 --> 00:09:01,002
Oh, boy!
First day on the Earth job.
214
00:09:03,027 --> 00:09:05,021
Fu...
215
00:09:05,023 --> 00:09:07,017
...nny coincidence.
216
00:09:07,019 --> 00:09:09,022
What to do, what to do.
217
00:09:09,024 --> 00:09:10,028
Oh, no!
Brainiac!
218
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:15,005
I was your only friend.
219
00:09:15,029 --> 00:09:18,025
[ Sighs ]
What to do, what to do.
220
00:09:18,027 --> 00:09:20,026
The sun is almost up, Elisa.
221
00:09:20,028 --> 00:09:22,003
Leave me and go.
222
00:09:22,005 --> 00:09:23,014
I'm not going anywhere.
223
00:09:23,016 --> 00:09:25,028
When you turn to stone,
I'll watch over you.
224
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,024
You don't understand.
225
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,027
[ Groaning ]
226
00:09:30,029 --> 00:09:32,017
Goliath?
227
00:09:34,025 --> 00:09:37,007
And the romance is gone.
228
00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:38,025
That's impressive, though.
229
00:09:38,027 --> 00:09:43,003
♪♪♪
230
00:09:43,005 --> 00:09:45,028
Mr. Pol Pot,
gnarly soldier dude,
231
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,016
I am Bill S. Preston,
esquire.
232
00:09:48,018 --> 00:09:50,023
And I am Ted "Theodore" Logan.
233
00:09:50,025 --> 00:09:52,012
And we are here to...
234
00:09:52,014 --> 00:09:55,003
[ Gunfire ]
235
00:09:57,005 --> 00:09:58,006
Bill and Ted, wait!
236
00:09:58,008 --> 00:10:00,015
We've come to warn you,
do not ask Mr. Pot...
237
00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:02,014
Oh, no.
We're too late.
238
00:10:02,016 --> 00:10:03,019
Oh, dude!
Déjà vu!
239
00:10:03,021 --> 00:10:05,010
[ Gunfire ]
240
00:10:06,018 --> 00:10:08,008
Mr. Pot, may I suggest
241
00:10:08,010 --> 00:10:10,015
that your soldiers to not...
242
00:10:10,017 --> 00:10:12,002
Non-heinous.
243
00:10:14,006 --> 00:10:16,029
This is most uncool, dude.
244
00:10:17,001 --> 00:10:18,001
Stop!
245
00:10:20,014 --> 00:10:21,024
Oh, no!
I'm shot.
246
00:10:21,026 --> 00:10:23,020
Except reveal!
247
00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:24,028
Radical!
248
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:25,028
Bogus.
249
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,011
Dude!
250
00:10:27,013 --> 00:10:28,023
Oh, fuck, bro!
251
00:10:28,025 --> 00:10:30,010
Damn, we totally mistimed
that one.
252
00:10:30,012 --> 00:10:32,008
- Whoa!
- Bogus!
253
00:10:32,010 --> 00:10:34,016
[ Imitating guitar riff ]
254
00:10:34,018 --> 00:10:42,001
♪♪♪
255
00:10:42,028 --> 00:10:50,016
♪♪♪
256
00:10:51,008 --> 00:10:59,016
♪♪♪
257
00:10:59,018 --> 00:11:03,004
Coming soon,
"Bill and Ted: Part 3."
258
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,011
Stoopid monkey.
16804
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