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1
00:00:03,006 --> 00:00:05,007
♪♪
2
00:00:05,009 --> 00:00:06,016
[ Thunder crashes ]
3
00:00:06,018 --> 00:00:08,017
[ Theme music plays ]
4
00:00:08,019 --> 00:00:12,007
♪♪
5
00:00:12,009 --> 00:00:14,026
[ Whirring ]
6
00:00:16,010 --> 00:00:17,027
[ Whirring ]
7
00:00:17,029 --> 00:00:20,003
Man: It's alive!
[ Thunder rumbles ]
8
00:00:20,005 --> 00:00:27,014
♪♪
9
00:00:27,016 --> 00:00:29,022
[ Thunder crashes ]
10
00:00:29,024 --> 00:00:38,028
♪♪
11
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,010
Announcer: From the studio
that brought you
12
00:00:40,012 --> 00:00:43,000
"Paranormal Activity"
and "Sinister"...
13
00:00:43,002 --> 00:00:45,008
- Did you hear that?
- It's coming from the attic.
14
00:00:45,010 --> 00:00:47,016
...learn what happens...
15
00:00:47,018 --> 00:00:48,020
Aah!
16
00:00:48,022 --> 00:00:52,006
...when a studio heavily invests
in the wrong IP.
17
00:00:52,008 --> 00:00:53,005
Run!
18
00:00:53,007 --> 00:00:54,015
[ Panting ]
19
00:00:54,017 --> 00:00:55,023
[ Laughs ]
20
00:00:55,025 --> 00:00:56,019
It's a Weeble!
21
00:00:56,021 --> 00:00:59,000
It glows in the dark!
22
00:00:59,002 --> 00:01:00,019
How is it doing that?
23
00:01:00,021 --> 00:01:03,016
Announcer: A property so far
outside our target demographic,
24
00:01:03,018 --> 00:01:05,028
we were insane
to make this movie.
25
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,006
Why won't you fall down?
26
00:01:09,008 --> 00:01:10,024
They never fall down!
27
00:01:10,026 --> 00:01:12,006
Never!
28
00:01:12,008 --> 00:01:15,001
[ Laughter ]
29
00:01:15,003 --> 00:01:16,029
Flag down the car!
Help!
30
00:01:17,001 --> 00:01:20,004
[ Laughing, screaming ]
31
00:01:23,019 --> 00:01:25,004
[ Groans ]
32
00:01:26,015 --> 00:01:29,002
[ Munching ]
33
00:01:29,004 --> 00:01:29,028
[ Gulps ]
34
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:35,004
[ Sniffing ]
35
00:01:35,006 --> 00:01:36,018
Ruh-roh!
36
00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:39,024
Oh, Shaggy, what did you put
a Scooby Snack in my bra?
37
00:01:39,026 --> 00:01:41,016
Like, what? No!
38
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:43,003
Oh, I think it's a lump.
39
00:01:43,005 --> 00:01:46,010
Like, dude, you should get
that checked out, like, A.S.A.P.
40
00:01:46,012 --> 00:01:49,008
I'm sure it's fine.
My boobs are just lumpy.
41
00:01:51,022 --> 00:01:54,017
Scalpel.
She was lucky.
42
00:01:54,019 --> 00:01:56,012
Caught the tumor just in time.
43
00:01:57,026 --> 00:02:00,013
And I would've gotten away
with it, too,
44
00:02:00,015 --> 00:02:03,009
if it weren't
for those meddling kids.
45
00:02:03,029 --> 00:02:05,021
Our baby is hideous!
46
00:02:05,023 --> 00:02:08,024
What have we done?
Why, God?! Why!
47
00:02:08,026 --> 00:02:10,023
It's an abomination.
48
00:02:10,025 --> 00:02:11,024
[ Sobs ]
49
00:02:11,026 --> 00:02:12,025
[ Doorbell rings ]
50
00:02:12,027 --> 00:02:14,027
I'll get it, honey.
Hello.
51
00:02:14,029 --> 00:02:16,022
I have come to drink your blood!
52
00:02:16,024 --> 00:02:17,020
[ Screams ]
Ha-ha!
53
00:02:17,022 --> 00:02:18,024
It's going to be okay, honey.
54
00:02:18,026 --> 00:02:21,004
He can't come in
unless we invite him in.
55
00:02:21,006 --> 00:02:23,006
Isn't that so, you bastard?
56
00:02:23,008 --> 00:02:25,000
Yep.
57
00:02:25,002 --> 00:02:26,023
Aah!
Ha! Ha-ha-ha!
58
00:02:26,025 --> 00:02:28,011
Come here now.
59
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:31,022
Wow, well-played.
60
00:02:31,024 --> 00:02:32,026
Good job.
61
00:02:34,014 --> 00:02:36,017
Hey! [ Grunts ]
62
00:02:36,019 --> 00:02:38,000
Aah!
63
00:02:38,002 --> 00:02:40,015
♪♪
64
00:02:40,017 --> 00:02:41,025
[ Elephant trumpets ]
65
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:43,007
Whenever I travel on the ark
66
00:02:43,009 --> 00:02:45,005
to avoid the destruction
of the world,
67
00:02:45,007 --> 00:02:47,009
I go first class.
[ Chuckles ]
68
00:02:47,011 --> 00:02:49,019
Captain Noah,
iceberg right ahead!
69
00:02:49,021 --> 00:02:50,019
So?
70
00:02:50,021 --> 00:02:52,010
The ark was designed
by God himself.
71
00:02:52,012 --> 00:02:54,001
It's unsinkable.
72
00:02:56,015 --> 00:02:58,010
I can't believe
a fancy show horse
73
00:02:58,012 --> 00:03:02,005
like you would ever fall
for a stow-away donkey like me.
74
00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:03,407
My father would never
approve, Jack.
75
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,002
But, you know,
glub-glub drowny-drowny.
76
00:03:06,004 --> 00:03:08,013
Come on, mount me
with that donkey D.
77
00:03:08,015 --> 00:03:10,024
Aah!
78
00:03:10,026 --> 00:03:12,008
[ Elephant trumpets ]
79
00:03:12,010 --> 00:03:14,010
Oh, no!
80
00:03:14,012 --> 00:03:16,005
Aaah!
81
00:03:16,007 --> 00:03:18,006
[ Quartet plays ]
82
00:03:18,008 --> 00:03:19,018
God's Rolls-Royce.
83
00:03:19,020 --> 00:03:22,029
Let this be my eternal tomb
as I go down with the ship.
84
00:03:23,001 --> 00:03:25,005
This ship, which God designed.
85
00:03:25,007 --> 00:03:26,025
Screw you, God!
86
00:03:26,027 --> 00:03:28,020
[ Gurgles ]
87
00:03:28,022 --> 00:03:30,001
[ Elephant trumpets ]
88
00:03:30,003 --> 00:03:31,020
[ Splash ]
89
00:03:31,022 --> 00:03:34,000
[ Monkey chittering ]
90
00:03:34,002 --> 00:03:35,006
Oh, I can see my house
from here.
91
00:03:35,008 --> 00:03:36,016
Focus, Rose.
92
00:03:36,018 --> 00:03:38,018
We need to stay alive
until the rescue arks arrive.
93
00:03:38,020 --> 00:03:41,000
And if they...
94
00:03:44,008 --> 00:03:47,020
[ Gasping, panting ]
95
00:03:47,022 --> 00:03:50,002
We're all gonna die!
[ Squeaks ]
96
00:03:50,004 --> 00:03:51,024
Hang on, Jack.
I love you.
97
00:03:51,026 --> 00:03:53,003
And I you, Rose.
98
00:03:53,005 --> 00:03:54,022
I want to start
a family with you.
99
00:03:54,024 --> 00:03:57,018
A beautiful family
of hybrid donkey-horses.
100
00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,009
Those are called mules.
101
00:03:59,011 --> 00:04:00,012
Mules?!
102
00:04:00,014 --> 00:04:02,023
I'm not shooting a mule
out of my ass.
103
00:04:02,025 --> 00:04:05,004
They come out of your vagina.
104
00:04:05,006 --> 00:04:07,017
My vagina?!
Rose!
105
00:04:07,019 --> 00:04:08,017
Ohh... No, don't!
106
00:04:08,019 --> 00:04:09,219
Oh, no.
Jack, you're sinking...
107
00:04:10,001 --> 00:04:11,011
Ah, it's cold!
108
00:04:11,013 --> 00:04:18,014
♪♪
109
00:04:18,016 --> 00:04:20,027
Announcer: Representing
the United States, from OCP,
110
00:04:20,029 --> 00:04:22,013
it's RoboCop.
111
00:04:22,015 --> 00:04:24,026
And from China,
it's the People's Republic's
112
00:04:24,028 --> 00:04:27,007
awesome, definitely not stolen,
tech corporation
113
00:04:27,009 --> 00:04:29,011
with the RoboCarp.
114
00:04:29,013 --> 00:04:30,027
Halt!
You are under arrest
115
00:04:30,029 --> 00:04:32,019
for copyright infringement.
116
00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:35,016
No, you are arrest, white devil.
117
00:04:37,006 --> 00:04:39,019
Oh, shit.
118
00:04:42,005 --> 00:04:43,014
Follow the yellow brick road.
119
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:44,025
Follow the yellow brick road?
120
00:04:44,027 --> 00:04:47,007
That's right!
Tourists come all over
121
00:04:47,009 --> 00:04:48,027
the world to walk
its golden trail.
122
00:04:48,029 --> 00:04:50,023
Old Shelly O'Malley
helped build it.
123
00:04:50,025 --> 00:04:51,025
Shelly?
124
00:04:51,027 --> 00:04:55,019
Oh. I'm on a schedule
and don't care. So...
125
00:04:55,021 --> 00:04:59,000
♪ It represents
the blood of our kin ♪
126
00:04:59,002 --> 00:05:02,002
♪ The blood of our kin,
the blood of our kin ♪
127
00:05:02,004 --> 00:05:04,021
♪ They ignored the OSHA rules
128
00:05:04,023 --> 00:05:07,008
♪ The local codes
of safety guides ♪
129
00:05:07,010 --> 00:05:10,002
♪ Generations gone,
worked to death, children died ♪
130
00:05:10,004 --> 00:05:13,000
♪ I lost my hands
131
00:05:13,002 --> 00:05:14,007
[ Laughs ]
132
00:05:14,009 --> 00:05:16,004
We've got much more information
in our gift shop,
133
00:05:16,006 --> 00:05:17,010
if you'll just...
Oh, she's gone.
134
00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:19,000
♪ La-la-la la-la
135
00:05:19,002 --> 00:05:20,009
Garbage!
136
00:05:20,011 --> 00:05:22,018
Wow, Liv.
A real Hollywood party.
137
00:05:22,020 --> 00:05:25,006
Oh, Maddie,
you sweet Wisconsin rube.
138
00:05:25,008 --> 00:05:27,015
You deserve a taste of your
sister's glamorous life
139
00:05:27,017 --> 00:05:28,018
once in a while.
140
00:05:28,020 --> 00:05:31,000
Liv Rooney,
shining as bright as ever.
141
00:05:31,002 --> 00:05:33,008
And with a twin?
I'm 17.
142
00:05:33,010 --> 00:05:35,004
All right, and your twin is...
143
00:05:35,006 --> 00:05:36,027
Also 17, idiot.
144
00:05:36,029 --> 00:05:38,029
Oh, look!
An open bar.
145
00:05:39,001 --> 00:05:40,019
Just a warning, Maddie...
out here,
146
00:05:40,021 --> 00:05:43,015
teenage actresses are passed
around like party favors.
147
00:05:43,017 --> 00:05:46,019
Wow! Trevor Trembo from
that super hero movie!
148
00:05:46,021 --> 00:05:49,018
You ladies looked parched,
so I gathered these libations.
149
00:05:49,020 --> 00:05:50,016
We're underage.
150
00:05:50,018 --> 00:05:52,005
Age is just a number.
151
00:05:52,007 --> 00:05:53,029
So is 9-1-1.
152
00:05:54,001 --> 00:05:55,002
[ Slurping ]
153
00:05:55,004 --> 00:05:56,007
Exit stage left...
154
00:05:56,009 --> 00:05:58,020
Wow, I feel like we have
targets on our backs.
155
00:05:58,022 --> 00:06:00,008
Hi. Is one of you
Liv Rooney?
156
00:06:00,010 --> 00:06:02,028
Duh! I'm the one
without glasses?
157
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,020
Yeah, I don't know your whole
life story, but cool, great.
158
00:06:05,022 --> 00:06:07,008
Anyway, that kid from
"Stranger Things"
159
00:06:07,010 --> 00:06:09,012
who looks like a soft-boiled
egg wanted me to ask
160
00:06:09,014 --> 00:06:10,027
if you and your sister
will make out with him
161
00:06:10,029 --> 00:06:11,023
in his UberBLACK.
162
00:06:11,025 --> 00:06:12,028
I got this one.
163
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,005
You can tell that creep...
We'll do it.
164
00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:16,022
Okay.
Enjoy your decision.
165
00:06:16,024 --> 00:06:18,019
Liv, I thought
you didn't do that.
166
00:06:18,021 --> 00:06:20,017
Maddie, if I could get on
"Stranger Things",
167
00:06:20,019 --> 00:06:22,002
it could make my whole career.
168
00:06:22,004 --> 00:06:24,019
Come on, take on
for Team Rooney!
169
00:06:24,021 --> 00:06:25,027
Hello?
170
00:06:25,029 --> 00:06:27,003
Soft-boiled egg?
171
00:06:27,005 --> 00:06:29,010
Sorry, girls,
you snooze you lose.
172
00:06:29,012 --> 00:06:32,013
I can't believe I'm a producer
on "Stranger Things" now!
173
00:06:32,015 --> 00:06:34,005
And I have a featured role!
174
00:06:34,007 --> 00:06:36,017
[ Engine starts, tires squeal ]
175
00:06:36,019 --> 00:06:39,017
Damn you, egg boy
from "Stranger Things"!
176
00:06:39,019 --> 00:06:42,000
Can we go back to Wisconsin now?
177
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,024
How would you like
a nice Hawaiian punch?
178
00:06:43,026 --> 00:06:45,026
Oh, yeah!
179
00:06:47,003 --> 00:06:49,015
Oh! Ohh, yeah.
180
00:06:49,017 --> 00:06:51,003
Oh, yeah!
181
00:06:51,005 --> 00:06:52,023
Oh, yeah!
182
00:06:52,025 --> 00:06:56,004
Oh, yeah!
183
00:06:56,006 --> 00:06:58,013
Together: Slender Man,
Slender Man, suit and tie.
184
00:06:58,015 --> 00:07:02,010
Slender Man, Slender Man,
you will die.
185
00:07:02,012 --> 00:07:03,021
Nothing?
186
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:04,025
[ Grunting ]
Shh. Listen.
187
00:07:04,027 --> 00:07:06,014
I think he's coming.
188
00:07:06,016 --> 00:07:07,019
[ Screaming ]
189
00:07:07,021 --> 00:07:10,005
Sorry I'm late.
Far.
190
00:07:10,007 --> 00:07:11,022
You were far.
Uh...
191
00:07:11,024 --> 00:07:13,007
Slender Man?
Oh, my God.
192
00:07:13,009 --> 00:07:14,018
We... Just give me a sec.
193
00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:16,005
Give me a sec.
Whoa!
194
00:07:16,007 --> 00:07:17,025
Okay.
195
00:07:17,027 --> 00:07:19,018
Hey, you girls like Five Guys?
196
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:21,012
'Cause I am addicted.
197
00:07:21,014 --> 00:07:24,002
[ Laughs ]
198
00:07:24,004 --> 00:07:25,016
Whew!
All right, I'm okay.
199
00:07:25,018 --> 00:07:28,003
Seriously, the fries
are amazing.
200
00:07:28,005 --> 00:07:30,002
Five Guys.
Man, I'm tellin' you...
201
00:07:30,004 --> 00:07:31,004
Sorry, sorry.
Go on.
202
00:07:31,006 --> 00:07:32,406
Mary-Sue Elizabeth
of Brighton Drive
203
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,019
has earned our wrath.
204
00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:35,029
We summon thee!
205
00:07:36,001 --> 00:07:37,009
Why are you fat?
206
00:07:37,011 --> 00:07:39,011
Anna!
Yeah, I deserve that.
207
00:07:39,013 --> 00:07:41,011
Look, the first time
I was spotted
208
00:07:41,013 --> 00:07:43,012
I was on a cleanse.
Nice and slim.
209
00:07:43,014 --> 00:07:45,024
So the girl called me
Slender Man.
210
00:07:45,026 --> 00:07:47,020
I have to live up to the name.
211
00:07:47,022 --> 00:07:48,025
And you know the pressure
212
00:07:48,027 --> 00:07:50,017
of keeping your weight
down all the time.
213
00:07:50,019 --> 00:07:52,016
Well, you will, girls.
214
00:07:52,018 --> 00:07:54,010
Believe me, you will.
215
00:07:54,012 --> 00:07:57,000
Slender Man, Slender Man,
all the children run.
216
00:07:57,002 --> 00:07:58,017
Slender Man...
Okay. Hey, hey, hey.
217
00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,029
Call me Stuart.
Right?
218
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:01,481
I feel like you're
fat-shaming me now.
219
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,010
Stuart, Stuart, to him it's fun.
220
00:08:04,012 --> 00:08:06,027
You shouldn't worry about
what other people think of you.
221
00:08:06,029 --> 00:08:08,004
You kids are all right.
222
00:08:08,006 --> 00:08:09,009
Here.
Take this.
223
00:08:09,011 --> 00:08:10,015
Show it at Five Guys,
224
00:08:10,017 --> 00:08:12,010
and you'll get
$3 off your order.
225
00:08:12,012 --> 00:08:14,003
But don't forget
to make sure they see
226
00:08:14,005 --> 00:08:15,605
the referral number
so I get $3 off, too.
227
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,019
Stuart, come on.
Focus.
228
00:08:17,021 --> 00:08:20,011
This is a picture of Mary,
and here is a lock of her hair.
229
00:08:20,013 --> 00:08:21,021
You have to go kill her now.
230
00:08:21,023 --> 00:08:22,029
She called me fat.
231
00:08:23,001 --> 00:08:25,019
You know, I feel like
there's a subtext here,
232
00:08:25,021 --> 00:08:27,005
and it's making me
uncomfortable.
233
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,017
Okay, we have to
go home, Stuart.
234
00:08:29,019 --> 00:08:31,006
If our moms wake up
and we're not there...
235
00:08:31,008 --> 00:08:33,019
Yeah, yeah.
I got it. Fine.
236
00:08:33,021 --> 00:08:35,018
Mary on Brighton.
Ugh!
237
00:08:35,020 --> 00:08:37,012
Do your job!
238
00:08:37,014 --> 00:08:40,004
Ugh, these fries
are really good.
239
00:08:40,006 --> 00:08:43,007
Yeah, you see?
You get it, Mary.
240
00:08:43,009 --> 00:08:46,003
[ Chuckles ] I could eat
Five Guys every day.
241
00:08:46,005 --> 00:08:49,023
Looks like you dideat
five guys, fatty.
242
00:08:49,025 --> 00:08:51,024
Mm.
243
00:08:51,026 --> 00:08:54,007
Yeah, that kind of hurts, Mary.
244
00:08:54,009 --> 00:08:56,026
Announcer: Welcome back
to the fifth-annual brodeo,
245
00:08:56,028 --> 00:08:59,009
A.K.A. the brony rodeo.
246
00:08:59,011 --> 00:09:00,027
And out of the chute comes
Zeb Deacons,
247
00:09:00,029 --> 00:09:03,022
riding last year's reigning
brodeo champ, Glitter Snap.
248
00:09:03,024 --> 00:09:05,184
When not bronying, Glitter Snap
is a corporate attorney
249
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,013
for a yoga lifestyles brand
250
00:09:07,015 --> 00:09:09,021
and also enjoys go-karting
in his spare time.
251
00:09:09,023 --> 00:09:11,009
- Aah! Aah!
- Oh, that does not
252
00:09:11,011 --> 00:09:12,025
look good, folks.
253
00:09:12,027 --> 00:09:15,019
Oh, Fuck Ah!
254
00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:20,017
And Glitter Snap's wife Helen
makes the difficult decision...
255
00:09:20,019 --> 00:09:22,016
No! No, no, no, no!
Wait, wait, wait!
256
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,001
This isn't Walmart.
Where am I?
257
00:09:27,003 --> 00:09:28,017
Happy Family Midge!
258
00:09:28,019 --> 00:09:30,019
Welcome to the Island
of Recalled Toys.
259
00:09:30,021 --> 00:09:31,028
Recalled toys?
260
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,018
But I teach kids about
the beauty of pregnancy.
261
00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:36,022
Well, many of us
are pulled off the shelves
262
00:09:36,024 --> 00:09:39,001
unfairly... like me!
263
00:09:40,011 --> 00:09:43,009
Anyway, you'll have
plenty of company here.
264
00:09:46,009 --> 00:09:49,015
There's very little demand for
a lawn dart that kills children.
265
00:09:49,017 --> 00:09:52,021
Or a sky dancer
that pokes out eyeballs.
266
00:09:52,023 --> 00:09:55,018
Or an Elmo with Tourette's!
Cunt
267
00:09:55,020 --> 00:09:57,003
But we're all accepted here.
268
00:09:57,005 --> 00:09:59,015
You're home.
Right, everybody?
269
00:09:59,017 --> 00:10:02,017
♪ An Easy Bake Oven
that's hotter than hell ♪
270
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:05,022
♪ A Tarzan who jacks it
while trying to yell ♪
271
00:10:05,024 --> 00:10:08,013
♪ On Christmas day, you'll see
272
00:10:08,015 --> 00:10:11,028
♪ They won't let us
near anyone's tree ♪
273
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,005
♪ The Cabbage Patch dolly
who'll scalp your head bald ♪
274
00:10:15,007 --> 00:10:19,002
♪ A Viper that chokes kids
ain't long for the mall ♪
275
00:10:19,004 --> 00:10:24,005
♪ It's hard to see
how we ever passed toy R&D ♪
276
00:10:24,007 --> 00:10:30,020
♪ Now we're here on the island
of toy travesties ♪
277
00:10:30,022 --> 00:10:34,002
Wow, I guess I can
really be myself with you guys.
278
00:10:34,004 --> 00:10:36,027
Whoo!
Ah, just the miracle of...
279
00:10:36,029 --> 00:10:38,012
[ Retches ]
280
00:10:38,014 --> 00:10:41,008
[ Screaming ]
281
00:10:41,010 --> 00:10:44,024
[ Crying ]
282
00:10:44,026 --> 00:10:45,025
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
283
00:10:45,027 --> 00:10:47,005
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
284
00:10:47,007 --> 00:10:49,005
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
285
00:10:49,007 --> 00:10:50,010
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
286
00:10:50,012 --> 00:10:51,020
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
287
00:10:51,022 --> 00:10:53,015
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
288
00:10:53,017 --> 00:10:54,015
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
289
00:10:54,017 --> 00:10:55,025
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
290
00:10:55,027 --> 00:10:57,025
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
291
00:10:57,027 --> 00:11:00,002
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
19837
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