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1
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♪♪♪
2
00:00:05,012 --> 00:00:06,019
[ Thunder crashes ]
3
00:00:06,021 --> 00:00:08,020
[ Theme music plays ]
4
00:00:08,022 --> 00:00:12,010
♪♪♪
5
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,028
[ Whirring ]
6
00:00:16,013 --> 00:00:18,000
[ Whirring ]
7
00:00:18,002 --> 00:00:20,006
Man: It's alive!
[ Thunder rumbles ]
8
00:00:20,008 --> 00:00:27,017
♪♪♪
9
00:00:27,019 --> 00:00:29,025
[ Thunder crashes ]
10
00:00:29,027 --> 00:00:39,001
♪♪♪
11
00:00:40,003 --> 00:00:41,009
♪ Mother Fuckers
12
00:00:41,011 --> 00:00:42,018
♪ It's my wedding day
13
00:00:42,020 --> 00:00:44,011
Narrator:
Freddy Krueger had a dream.
14
00:00:44,013 --> 00:00:46,015
I want my father to walk me
down the aisle.
15
00:00:46,017 --> 00:00:49,018
♪ My mom was raped
by all the psychos ♪
16
00:00:49,020 --> 00:00:52,013
Narrator: But this wedding has
a few surprises.
17
00:00:52,015 --> 00:00:53,016
Dude, sunscreen!
18
00:00:53,018 --> 00:00:55,016
Burned alive, but thanks!
19
00:00:55,018 --> 00:00:56,022
Your father?
20
00:00:56,024 --> 00:00:59,003
Aren't you the Bastard Son
of 100 Maniacs?
21
00:00:59,005 --> 00:01:00,285
Well, I'm the son of one maniac.
22
00:01:01,001 --> 00:01:02,081
The other 99 lost the race.
23
00:01:03,001 --> 00:01:05,001
So invite them all.
24
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I will!
25
00:01:07,001 --> 00:01:08,015
- Have we met before?
- That depends.
26
00:01:08,017 --> 00:01:11,008
Did you gangbang a nun at
an insane asylum in the '50s?
27
00:01:11,010 --> 00:01:12,023
Catholic or flying?
28
00:01:12,025 --> 00:01:14,009
Terrified.
29
00:01:14,011 --> 00:01:16,024
♪ Boiler dreams, murder kids
30
00:01:16,026 --> 00:01:19,022
♪ Stabbing the life
out of them ♪
31
00:01:19,024 --> 00:01:21,026
Geez, Mom,
you really got around.
32
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Sure, slut-shame
the violated nun.
33
00:01:26,013 --> 00:01:28,026
♪ Almost married, RSVP
34
00:01:28,028 --> 00:01:30,021
♪ Registered at Macy's
35
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:32,024
Announcer:
This summer, get ready...
36
00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:33,022
Freddy...
37
00:01:33,024 --> 00:01:34,026
- I'm your...
- Dad.
38
00:01:34,028 --> 00:01:36,005
Murder, bludgeon, kill!
39
00:01:36,007 --> 00:01:39,000
Announcer: ...for the wedding
of a lifetime.
40
00:01:39,002 --> 00:01:40,026
♪ Hundred psycho Johns
41
00:01:40,028 --> 00:01:42,022
♪ How could this go wrong?
42
00:01:42,024 --> 00:01:44,017
♪ Please, it's just Freddy's
43
00:01:44,019 --> 00:01:47,010
♪ Messed-up back story
44
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Possible dads,
you're ruining my big day!
45
00:01:51,015 --> 00:01:54,021
Narrator: "Murder Mia!"
46
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Stay frosty.
47
00:01:55,029 --> 00:01:58,027
One of those things
de-spined my entire platoon.
48
00:02:00,003 --> 00:02:01,027
Whoa!
49
00:02:01,029 --> 00:02:03,002
Ow! Ow.
50
00:02:03,004 --> 00:02:04,012
There he is!
51
00:02:05,006 --> 00:02:06,026
Hey.
52
00:02:06,028 --> 00:02:08,012
[ Wheezes ]
53
00:02:08,014 --> 00:02:10,004
[ Coughs ]
54
00:02:10,006 --> 00:02:12,023
Hold on.
[ Inhales sharply ]
55
00:02:16,001 --> 00:02:18,005
[ Coughs ]
56
00:02:18,007 --> 00:02:20,017
And he's a preda-dork!
57
00:02:20,019 --> 00:02:22,002
Did you just come up with that?
58
00:02:22,004 --> 00:02:23,204
You should do improv, soldier!
59
00:02:26,007 --> 00:02:28,024
♪♪♪
60
00:02:28,026 --> 00:02:30,023
Please.
61
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:32,015
[ Baby giggles ]
Thank you.
62
00:02:32,017 --> 00:02:34,007
Now I can climb out.
63
00:02:34,009 --> 00:02:35,024
Wait.
64
00:02:35,026 --> 00:02:38,028
[ Gurgling ]
65
00:02:42,017 --> 00:02:44,016
Free baby, yeah.
66
00:02:45,016 --> 00:02:48,027
Are you ready for
the summer soldier, bitches?
67
00:02:49,006 --> 00:02:51,014
Mom, Dad, like, hello.
I'm getting the operation.
68
00:02:51,016 --> 00:02:53,020
Absolutely not.
I didn't kill
69
00:02:53,022 --> 00:02:57,027
little red plastic commie men
in Korea so you could
70
00:02:57,029 --> 00:02:59,005
mutilate yourself.
71
00:02:59,007 --> 00:03:00,009
I hate you both.
72
00:03:00,011 --> 00:03:01,024
Don't you know
how embarrassing it is to be,
73
00:03:01,026 --> 00:03:03,015
like, the only girl with a slab?
74
00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:04,016
Trust the slab!
75
00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:06,008
The slab keeps your feet
on the ground.
76
00:03:06,010 --> 00:03:08,013
The slab means stability!
77
00:03:08,015 --> 00:03:10,004
Fuck the slab!
78
00:03:10,006 --> 00:03:11,016
She didn't mean that, dear.
79
00:03:11,018 --> 00:03:13,011
Yes, she did.
80
00:03:13,013 --> 00:03:15,028
My baby hates me.
81
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:21,026
♪♪♪
82
00:03:21,028 --> 00:03:23,015
[ Crashing ]
83
00:03:23,017 --> 00:03:25,020
Oh, did I do that?
84
00:03:25,022 --> 00:03:32,013
♪♪♪
85
00:03:32,015 --> 00:03:33,029
[ Gunshot ]
86
00:03:35,014 --> 00:03:36,029
I got your dick!
87
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♪♪♪
88
00:03:39,025 --> 00:03:41,015
[ Marching band music plays ]
89
00:03:41,017 --> 00:03:43,012
♪♪♪
90
00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:44,028
[ Clicking ]
91
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,012
[ Crowd booing ]
92
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:51,016
[ Cheering,
marching band plays ]
93
00:03:51,018 --> 00:03:54,005
[ Roars ]
94
00:03:54,007 --> 00:03:56,027
♪♪♪
95
00:03:56,029 --> 00:03:57,023
Give me your money!
96
00:03:57,025 --> 00:04:00,001
Help! Help!
97
00:04:03,026 --> 00:04:05,019
Who's that?
98
00:04:07,009 --> 00:04:10,002
Won't somebody help me?
99
00:04:11,004 --> 00:04:13,028
You won't stop me,
masked stranger!
100
00:04:14,025 --> 00:04:16,009
[ Roars ]
101
00:04:16,011 --> 00:04:18,011
Oh, that'll do it!
102
00:04:20,005 --> 00:04:21,028
[ Cheering ]
103
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:25,003
Woman: We love you,
whoever you are!
104
00:04:25,005 --> 00:04:26,026
Woman #2:
Where'd the pool guy go?
105
00:04:26,028 --> 00:04:28,028
[ Roars ]
106
00:04:31,028 --> 00:04:33,020
Peanuts!
Get your peanuts here!
107
00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,028
Aah! Aah!
108
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,018
Ew.
109
00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:38,026
[ Screaming ]
110
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,028
[ Laughs ]
111
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,009
[ Alarm ringing ]
Oh.
112
00:04:42,011 --> 00:04:44,029
Stupid building codes.
113
00:04:45,001 --> 00:04:46,014
Hey, guys, does this
look weird to you?
114
00:04:46,016 --> 00:04:47,026
Mine looks like Richard Nixon.
115
00:04:47,028 --> 00:04:51,011
Can we hang out one time
without studying our vaginas?
116
00:04:51,013 --> 00:04:52,015
- Aah!
- Oh!
117
00:04:52,017 --> 00:04:54,004
- Ugh!
- Good day, Totally Spies.
118
00:04:54,006 --> 00:04:57,008
Your mis... Jesus Christ,
put some pants on.
119
00:04:57,010 --> 00:04:59,005
Your mission...
Travel to South America
120
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,021
and root out a cell of radicals
121
00:05:00,023 --> 00:05:02,023
threatening the puppet ruler
we control.
122
00:05:02,025 --> 00:05:05,016
These radicals are
teachers and artists.
123
00:05:05,018 --> 00:05:07,002
Who says blondes are dumb?
124
00:05:07,004 --> 00:05:08,014
Can we, like, go fight a guy
125
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,336
dressed as a big rat
or something?
126
00:05:10,001 --> 00:05:12,003
No, and to make sure
it goes smoothly,
127
00:05:12,005 --> 00:05:14,013
you'll be joined by
Agent Marshall on loan
128
00:05:14,015 --> 00:05:17,025
from the CIA, and, girls, don't
forget to take your gadgets.
129
00:05:17,027 --> 00:05:19,005
Whoosh!
130
00:05:19,007 --> 00:05:20,010
What is this?
131
00:05:20,012 --> 00:05:22,022
That is a cutesy,
cuddly curling iron.
132
00:05:22,024 --> 00:05:23,023
Fun!
133
00:05:23,025 --> 00:05:26,010
It packs a lethal dose
of polonium-210.
134
00:05:26,012 --> 00:05:27,029
Uh, fun?
135
00:05:28,020 --> 00:05:33,003
♪♪♪
136
00:05:33,005 --> 00:05:35,016
Hey, guys, look at their work.
137
00:05:35,018 --> 00:05:38,000
So much culture.
It's amazing.
138
00:05:38,002 --> 00:05:39,011
And banned.
139
00:05:39,013 --> 00:05:40,013
Aah!
140
00:05:40,015 --> 00:05:41,014
Oop, sorry.
141
00:05:41,016 --> 00:05:43,001
Is that too tight?
Nice work.
142
00:05:43,003 --> 00:05:44,017
Hand me that cutesy,
cuddly curling iron.
143
00:05:44,019 --> 00:05:45,022
For the polonium?
144
00:05:45,024 --> 00:05:47,019
[ Chuckles ] No, gonna
shove it up his ass.
145
00:05:47,021 --> 00:05:50,007
I thought it was proven
that torture doesn't work.
146
00:05:50,009 --> 00:05:51,014
Depends on what
you're trying to do.
147
00:05:51,016 --> 00:05:54,016
If the answer is have fun,
it definitely works.
148
00:05:56,012 --> 00:06:00,006
[ Buzzing, man screaming ]
149
00:06:00,008 --> 00:06:02,017
[ Whirring ]
150
00:06:02,019 --> 00:06:05,005
[ Screaming continues ]
151
00:06:05,007 --> 00:06:07,026
[ Whirring continues ]
152
00:06:10,026 --> 00:06:13,014
Guys, I think I have PTSD,
153
00:06:13,016 --> 00:06:15,021
post-totally stressed disorder.
154
00:06:15,023 --> 00:06:17,017
Good one, Alex.
155
00:06:17,019 --> 00:06:19,001
[ Cat yowls ]
Ugh! Sam! Sam!
156
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:20,007
Twitch is not a spy!
157
00:06:20,009 --> 00:06:22,001
Not a spy!
158
00:06:22,003 --> 00:06:23,016
[ Cat yowling ]
159
00:06:23,018 --> 00:06:26,003
♪♪♪
160
00:06:27,005 --> 00:06:28,024
[ Wheezing ]
161
00:06:28,026 --> 00:06:31,011
Do you need your
heart pills, Grandpa?
162
00:06:31,013 --> 00:06:34,000
[ Grunting ]
163
00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:36,005
But they're right here.
164
00:06:36,007 --> 00:06:38,004
[ Grunting ]
165
00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:39,016
I'm going to leave these here.
166
00:06:39,018 --> 00:06:40,018
I promise.
167
00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:43,004
[ Grunting ]
168
00:06:43,006 --> 00:06:45,028
This time, I really
won't move them.
169
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,010
[ Grunting ]
170
00:06:47,012 --> 00:06:50,016
[ Gagging, wheezing ]
171
00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:51,027
Grandpa?
172
00:06:51,029 --> 00:06:53,025
Mr. Schindler,
the Talmud says,
173
00:06:53,027 --> 00:06:57,012
"Whoever saves one life
saves the world entire."
174
00:06:57,014 --> 00:06:59,018
I... I could have saved more.
175
00:06:59,020 --> 00:07:02,015
Oscar, you saved over 1,000 Jews
176
00:07:02,017 --> 00:07:05,006
and one man who claims
to be a werewolf.
177
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,012
This watch, I...
178
00:07:06,014 --> 00:07:08,017
I could've bought two more
with this watch.
179
00:07:08,019 --> 00:07:09,026
No.
180
00:07:09,028 --> 00:07:12,027
This car, Goethe offered me
30 Jews for this car,
181
00:07:12,029 --> 00:07:15,003
but I just set
the radio presets the way
182
00:07:15,005 --> 00:07:17,022
I wanted them,
and I turned him down.
183
00:07:19,009 --> 00:07:21,018
Once, I saved a dozen Jews
but had no money
184
00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:25,018
to tip my shoeshine boy,
so I gave him a Jew.
185
00:07:25,020 --> 00:07:28,005
Itzhak, your record player
I gave you...
186
00:07:28,007 --> 00:07:29,012
Yes?
187
00:07:29,014 --> 00:07:31,017
...the one I nicknamed
little Anna, and you said,
188
00:07:31,019 --> 00:07:33,006
"What a strange name
for a record player,"
189
00:07:33,008 --> 00:07:35,019
and then I chuckled
but didn't explain why.
190
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:36,027
Just go, Oscar.
191
00:07:36,029 --> 00:07:39,021
We'll erect a monument
to you... or something.
192
00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:40,027
Uh, something modest.
193
00:07:40,029 --> 00:07:42,017
Don't... don't spend
too many Jews.
194
00:07:42,019 --> 00:07:44,014
I'll tell them.
Goodbye.
195
00:07:44,016 --> 00:07:52,019
♪♪♪
196
00:07:52,021 --> 00:07:56,026
There can only be one lord
of the ring, Saruman.
197
00:07:56,028 --> 00:07:58,020
[ Gasps ]
198
00:07:58,022 --> 00:07:59,022
Ugh!
199
00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:02,021
The Eagles.
My message got through.
200
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:04,014
It did.
How could we pass up
201
00:08:04,016 --> 00:08:06,014
playing for Gandalf the Grey?
202
00:08:06,016 --> 00:08:09,026
Now sit back and take it easy.
203
00:08:09,028 --> 00:08:14,001
Another morning singing to
my beloved, disgusting town.
204
00:08:14,003 --> 00:08:16,003
Great.
French Anne Hathaway is back.
205
00:08:16,005 --> 00:08:19,001
If she comes over here,
I'm blind, deaf, and mute,
206
00:08:19,003 --> 00:08:20,015
got it?
207
00:08:20,017 --> 00:08:24,001
♪ There goes the beggar
with his remaining limbs ♪
208
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:26,028
♪ He sold his legs
to buy some pants ♪
209
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,027
♪ The street whores
are the grossest ♪
210
00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:30,015
♪ Syphilised all their noses
211
00:08:30,017 --> 00:08:33,013
♪ Just another normal day
in feudal France ♪
212
00:08:33,015 --> 00:08:34,024
Help us, Belle.
213
00:08:34,026 --> 00:08:36,023
Help yourself and learn to read.
214
00:08:36,025 --> 00:08:40,007
♪ There goes the taxman
with his iron shackles ♪
215
00:08:40,009 --> 00:08:43,006
♪ Now watch this asshole
do a dance ♪
216
00:08:43,008 --> 00:08:44,027
♪ The death cart rolls on by
217
00:08:44,029 --> 00:08:46,025
♪ The corpses piled high
218
00:08:46,027 --> 00:08:51,007
♪ Just another normal day
in feudal France ♪
219
00:08:51,009 --> 00:08:54,010
♪ Oh, isn't this disgusting
220
00:08:54,012 --> 00:08:58,002
♪ The well is full of poop
and human pee ♪
221
00:08:58,004 --> 00:09:00,029
♪ Oh, isn't it charming
222
00:09:01,001 --> 00:09:04,028
♪ How the children think
they'll live past 23 ♪
223
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,018
♪ Just another normal day
224
00:09:06,020 --> 00:09:08,007
♪ Just another normal day
225
00:09:08,009 --> 00:09:10,000
♪ Just another normal day
226
00:09:10,002 --> 00:09:16,014
♪ Just another freakin' day
in feudal France ♪
227
00:09:16,016 --> 00:09:17,024
[ Coughs ]
228
00:09:17,026 --> 00:09:20,008
Oh, Fucking Fuck me.
229
00:09:20,010 --> 00:09:22,005
Oh, my God.
The bipods are here.
230
00:09:22,007 --> 00:09:23,014
They're tripods.
231
00:09:23,016 --> 00:09:24,020
Count them, three legs.
Wait.
232
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,020
That's not two legs and a penis?
233
00:09:26,022 --> 00:09:29,016
Uh, I don't think so, but maybe.
234
00:09:29,018 --> 00:09:32,005
Uh, I really think it's a penis.
235
00:09:32,007 --> 00:09:34,002
Ugh, my dick!
236
00:09:34,004 --> 00:09:37,010
Yo, Troy, did you really sign up
for the high-school musical?
237
00:09:37,012 --> 00:09:38,016
Yeah, cool, right?
238
00:09:38,018 --> 00:09:40,020
Hell no, it's not cool.
239
00:09:40,022 --> 00:09:44,003
♪♪♪
240
00:09:44,005 --> 00:09:46,000
♪ Dancing is for losers
241
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,028
♪ Singing is for dorks
242
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,029
♪ The musical is
a dead art form ♪
243
00:09:51,001 --> 00:09:52,025
♪ Beggars can't be choosers
244
00:09:52,027 --> 00:09:54,020
♪ The only choice is sports
245
00:09:54,022 --> 00:09:56,029
♪ My asshole keeps
the bench warm ♪
246
00:09:57,001 --> 00:09:58,641
♪ Keep your, keep your
brain on the ball ♪
247
00:09:59,001 --> 00:10:00,023
♪ Keep your, keep your
brain on the ball ♪
248
00:10:00,025 --> 00:10:02,010
♪ Keep your, keep your
249
00:10:02,012 --> 00:10:04,015
Guys, guys, I'm... I'm confused.
250
00:10:04,017 --> 00:10:06,013
You want me to choose basketball
over the musical?
251
00:10:06,015 --> 00:10:07,013
Damn straight.
252
00:10:07,015 --> 00:10:09,010
Dude, listen to the song.
253
00:10:09,012 --> 00:10:11,004
So you're telling me
not to sing,
254
00:10:11,006 --> 00:10:13,006
and you're doing it
in the form of a song.
255
00:10:13,008 --> 00:10:15,007
Sounds like someone
needs another verse.
256
00:10:15,009 --> 00:10:17,010
♪ If an athlete chooses music
257
00:10:17,012 --> 00:10:19,012
♪ Light his ass on fire
258
00:10:19,014 --> 00:10:22,007
♪ Kill his parents with a rock
259
00:10:22,009 --> 00:10:23,019
It's just kind of hypocritical.
260
00:10:23,021 --> 00:10:25,000
That's all I'm saying.
261
00:10:25,002 --> 00:10:26,027
We don't have time to argue
with you all day, man.
262
00:10:26,029 --> 00:10:29,002
We told Coach we'd help
pass out condoms
263
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,284
with abstinence slogans on them.
264
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,003
- Yeah.
- Abstinence!
265
00:10:35,007 --> 00:10:38,015
♪ Your ass looks great
266
00:10:38,017 --> 00:10:39,016
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
267
00:10:39,018 --> 00:10:40,026
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
268
00:10:40,028 --> 00:10:42,026
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
269
00:10:42,028 --> 00:10:44,001
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
270
00:10:44,003 --> 00:10:45,011
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
271
00:10:45,013 --> 00:10:47,006
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
272
00:10:47,008 --> 00:10:48,006
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
273
00:10:48,008 --> 00:10:49,016
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
274
00:10:49,018 --> 00:10:51,016
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
275
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:53,022
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
18263
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