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1
00:00:03,009 --> 00:00:05,010
♪♪♪
2
00:00:05,012 --> 00:00:06,019
[ Thunder crashes ]
3
00:00:06,021 --> 00:00:08,020
[ Theme music plays ]
4
00:00:08,022 --> 00:00:12,010
♪♪♪
5
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,028
[ Whirring ]
6
00:00:16,013 --> 00:00:18,000
[ Whirring ]
7
00:00:18,002 --> 00:00:19,003
Man: It's alive!
8
00:00:19,005 --> 00:00:20,013
[ Thunder rumbles ]
9
00:00:20,015 --> 00:00:27,017
♪♪♪
10
00:00:27,019 --> 00:00:29,025
[ Thunder crashes ]
11
00:00:29,027 --> 00:00:38,001
♪♪♪
12
00:00:38,003 --> 00:00:40,015
Announcer:
Have you been injured while
touring a chocolate factory?
13
00:00:40,017 --> 00:00:43,020
I'll get you the snozberries
you deserve.
14
00:00:43,022 --> 00:00:46,002
♪ Larry Loompa...
He'll fight for you ♪
15
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,015
I was turned into
a fucking giant blueberry,
16
00:00:48,017 --> 00:00:51,003
and now I need to be juiced
twice a day, or I'll explode.
17
00:00:51,005 --> 00:00:54,010
Larry Loompa got me $3 million.
18
00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:56,011
Don't get dopity screwed.
19
00:00:56,013 --> 00:00:57,977
[ With lisp ] I was pulled
through a taffy stretcher,
20
00:00:58,001 --> 00:01:00,002
but thanks to Larry,
I'm rich as shit.
21
00:01:00,004 --> 00:01:02,026
Also, my penis
is 37 inches long.
22
00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:04,008
Can someone turn that fan off?
23
00:01:04,010 --> 00:01:07,003
I was shot through
a pneumatic chocolate tube.
24
00:01:07,005 --> 00:01:09,008
The pressure blew out mine anus,
25
00:01:09,010 --> 00:01:13,025
and I had to have a second anus
constructed from a goat's anus,
26
00:01:13,027 --> 00:01:17,006
but Mr. Loompa
got me $17 million
27
00:01:17,008 --> 00:01:19,024
for mine anus surgery.
Anus.
28
00:01:19,026 --> 00:01:22,017
[ Bleating ]
29
00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:25,023
Announcer:
Have you been turned into fruit,
stretched like taffy,
30
00:01:25,025 --> 00:01:27,008
nearly drowned
in a chocolate river,
31
00:01:27,010 --> 00:01:28,012
terrorized by fake Slugworth,
dropped into a bad egg furnace,
32
00:01:28,014 --> 00:01:29,021
got hepatitis
from lickable wallpaper,
33
00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:31,011
or are a goat who had
your anus forcibly removed,
34
00:01:31,013 --> 00:01:33,026
then call the offices
of Larry H. Loompa today.
35
00:01:33,028 --> 00:01:36,015
♪ Larry Loompa...
He'll fight for you ♪
36
00:01:36,017 --> 00:01:38,021
[ Bleats ]
37
00:01:38,023 --> 00:01:40,009
Anus.
38
00:01:40,011 --> 00:01:43,019
Harold couldn't sleep,
so he took his purple crayon
39
00:01:43,021 --> 00:01:47,006
and drew a world
of his own imagination.
40
00:01:47,008 --> 00:01:48,025
Harold, what did I tell you
about drawing
41
00:01:48,027 --> 00:01:49,028
on the Goddamn walls?
42
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,017
You know what else is purple?
43
00:01:51,019 --> 00:01:53,021
Bruises!
Draw me some whiskey.
44
00:01:55,008 --> 00:01:57,018
[ Glugs ] Aw, God, that is
just what I needed.
45
00:01:57,020 --> 00:02:00,006
[ Gagging ]
[ Glass shatters ]
46
00:02:00,008 --> 00:02:03,025
Harold had dreamed
of this moment a thousand times.
47
00:02:03,027 --> 00:02:06,015
Harold then drew himself
a new father.
48
00:02:06,017 --> 00:02:08,014
This dad never yelled
49
00:02:08,016 --> 00:02:11,017
and had a three-year chip
from AA.
50
00:02:11,019 --> 00:02:15,010
He was also good
at lifting things.
51
00:02:15,012 --> 00:02:17,026
Harold and his new father
sailed away
52
00:02:17,028 --> 00:02:19,025
to a bright new tomorrow.
53
00:02:19,027 --> 00:02:22,014
Harold's mother filed
a missing-person report,
54
00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:25,000
but she never saw her son again.
55
00:02:25,002 --> 00:02:27,025
She hanged herself a year later.
56
00:02:27,027 --> 00:02:30,009
The rope was purple.
57
00:02:30,011 --> 00:02:32,018
Tricia? All right!
From Bumble?
58
00:02:32,020 --> 00:02:35,019
That's me. I've never dated
a Treasure Troll before.
59
00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:38,023
Well, strap in, baby, 'cause we
are first class all the way.
60
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:40,020
All right!
To first dates.
61
00:02:40,022 --> 00:02:43,000
[ Slurps ]
Delicious.
62
00:02:43,002 --> 00:02:45,017
So, you're from Copenhagen?
63
00:02:45,019 --> 00:02:49,010
♪♪♪
64
00:02:49,012 --> 00:02:50,010
What is it?
65
00:02:50,012 --> 00:02:51,028
Huh? Aah!
66
00:02:53,002 --> 00:02:54,015
Huh?
67
00:02:54,017 --> 00:02:57,020
No! Not all right!
68
00:02:57,022 --> 00:02:59,017
No!
69
00:02:59,019 --> 00:03:01,025
[ Sobbing ] No!
70
00:03:01,027 --> 00:03:05,013
♪ And I love you, cha cha cha
71
00:03:05,015 --> 00:03:06,027
[ Light switch clicks,
door closes ]
72
00:03:06,029 --> 00:03:10,014
Ahh, another successful day
at Chuck E. Cheese, huh?
73
00:03:10,016 --> 00:03:12,028
Ugh, we get it!
You own the place.
74
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,014
Hey, Pasquale, did you see
that kid puke up his pepperoni?
75
00:03:19,004 --> 00:03:21,011
Pasquale?
76
00:03:21,013 --> 00:03:22,026
Pasquale!
77
00:03:22,028 --> 00:03:25,025
I noticed him glitching, but
I thought he was pranking us.
78
00:03:25,027 --> 00:03:27,003
He is the funny one.
79
00:03:27,005 --> 00:03:28,015
We gotta help him!
80
00:03:28,017 --> 00:03:30,019
Pasquale!
[ All grunting ]
81
00:03:30,021 --> 00:03:32,023
Pasquale!
82
00:03:32,025 --> 00:03:35,022
Well, we've done
everything we can.
83
00:03:37,016 --> 00:03:39,018
Everybody, run!
84
00:03:39,020 --> 00:03:41,020
[ All grunting ]
85
00:03:41,022 --> 00:03:44,000
Aah!
Aah!
86
00:03:44,002 --> 00:03:46,015
[ Elevator music plays ]
87
00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:49,024
And one, two, three!
88
00:03:49,026 --> 00:03:52,004
Ladies and gentlemen,
the magic bullet!
89
00:03:52,006 --> 00:03:53,024
[ Cheers and applause ]
90
00:03:53,026 --> 00:03:56,002
Oh, my God, JFK's been shot!
91
00:03:56,004 --> 00:03:57,023
[ Audience screams ]
92
00:03:57,025 --> 00:03:59,017
[ Groans ]
93
00:03:59,019 --> 00:04:01,003
[ Slurping ]
94
00:04:01,005 --> 00:04:03,008
Oh, bother.
All out of honey.
95
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,021
Well, plenty more
where that came from.
96
00:04:05,023 --> 00:04:07,012
What luck!
97
00:04:09,019 --> 00:04:12,009
Why, there's nothing
but dead bees in here.
98
00:04:12,011 --> 00:04:15,005
Bees are dying everywhere, Pooh.
99
00:04:15,007 --> 00:04:19,023
It's an epidemic, most likely
caused by pesticides.
100
00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:22,000
Without honey,
whatever shall I do?
101
00:04:22,002 --> 00:04:23,027
Pooh, you're a bear.
102
00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:26,001
You can eat anything.
103
00:04:26,003 --> 00:04:28,002
Pooh, hello!
What shall we play to...
104
00:04:28,004 --> 00:04:29,014
Aah!
105
00:04:29,016 --> 00:04:32,003
Ohh, this tastes
surprisingly delicious.
106
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:35,017
Jesus!
I meant pine cones, Pooh.
107
00:04:36,023 --> 00:04:38,021
[ Both laugh ]
108
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:41,025
Announcer:
And now back to "Queer Eye."
109
00:04:43,005 --> 00:04:45,013
I mean, I have no notes.
110
00:04:45,015 --> 00:04:47,015
[ Laughter ]
111
00:04:47,017 --> 00:04:49,026
[ Dance music plays ]
112
00:04:49,028 --> 00:04:51,021
I'm Jerry Seinfeld.
113
00:04:51,023 --> 00:04:53,025
I love cars, coffee, and comedy,
114
00:04:53,027 --> 00:04:56,018
and this is "Comedians
in Cars Getting Coffee."
115
00:04:56,020 --> 00:04:59,017
The 1973 Dodge Challenger
in Plum Crazy Purple
116
00:04:59,019 --> 00:05:01,009
is perfect for today's guest,
117
00:05:01,011 --> 00:05:04,000
Gotham's favorite funnyman,
the Joker!
118
00:05:04,002 --> 00:05:06,028
I just want to thank you
for not picking me up
119
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,029
in a clown car, Jerry.
120
00:05:09,001 --> 00:05:11,005
Who do you take me for,
Carrot Top?
121
00:05:11,007 --> 00:05:15,005
[ Laughs ] Scotty would
definitely pull that shit.
122
00:05:15,007 --> 00:05:17,017
He still slaying in Vegas?
Sure.
123
00:05:17,019 --> 00:05:19,009
You ever bomb in Vegas?
124
00:05:19,011 --> 00:05:22,017
The last time I bombed in Vegas,
there was a body count.
125
00:05:22,019 --> 00:05:25,005
That's why they don't let me
into the Luxor anymore,
126
00:05:25,007 --> 00:05:28,002
because there's no Luxor anymore
127
00:05:28,004 --> 00:05:29,204
[chuckles]
because I bombed it.
128
00:05:31,013 --> 00:05:33,016
I lost a friend
in that explosion.
129
00:05:33,018 --> 00:05:35,005
Was it Newman?
130
00:05:35,007 --> 00:05:36,027
No.
131
00:05:36,029 --> 00:05:39,003
I guess I'm bombing again.
132
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,003
A prop?
Now who's Carrot Top?
133
00:05:41,005 --> 00:05:42,023
No, it's a real bomb.
134
00:05:42,025 --> 00:05:44,020
[ Laughing ]
135
00:05:44,022 --> 00:05:46,026
[ Explosion ]
136
00:05:46,028 --> 00:05:49,016
♪ The lips are connected
to the asshole ♪
137
00:05:49,018 --> 00:05:51,028
♪ The lips are connected
to the asshole ♪
138
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,007
♪ The lips are connected
to the asshole ♪
139
00:05:54,009 --> 00:05:56,005
♪ And that's how you make
a human centipede ♪
140
00:05:56,007 --> 00:05:57,012
Everybody!
141
00:05:57,014 --> 00:05:59,017
[ Muffled singing ]
142
00:06:02,005 --> 00:06:04,017
♪ My mouth's not connected
to an asshole ♪
143
00:06:04,019 --> 00:06:07,010
♪ So Merry Christmas
to me ♪
144
00:06:07,012 --> 00:06:10,004
Announcer:
Space... the final frontier.
145
00:06:10,006 --> 00:06:13,009
These are the voyages of the
Pin Mate Starship Enterprise.
146
00:06:13,011 --> 00:06:14,029
Sir, we're caught
147
00:06:15,001 --> 00:06:16,921
in the Pin Mate's Klingon
Cruiser's tractor beam.
148
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:19,010
Reverse starboard thrusters,
Pin Mates Mr. Sulu.
149
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:21,013
Aye-aye, Pin Mates Captain Kirk.
150
00:06:21,015 --> 00:06:24,017
All: Aah!
151
00:06:24,019 --> 00:06:26,021
Pin Mates Captain, that is
an illogical choice.
152
00:06:26,023 --> 00:06:28,018
Your Pin Mates Vulcan logic
won't save us,
153
00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:29,024
Pin Mates Mr. Spock.
154
00:06:29,026 --> 00:06:32,008
The Pin Mates Klingon cannons
are powering up, sir.
155
00:06:33,007 --> 00:06:34,018
Aah!
156
00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:36,013
Whoa!
Ooh!
157
00:06:36,015 --> 00:06:39,008
Whoa!
158
00:06:39,010 --> 00:06:41,004
Ohh!
Aah!
159
00:06:41,006 --> 00:06:43,009
Ooh!
Oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
160
00:06:43,011 --> 00:06:45,016
Whoa!
161
00:06:45,018 --> 00:06:46,028
Oh!
162
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,011
Whoa!
163
00:06:48,013 --> 00:06:50,005
Ooh-hoo!
164
00:06:50,007 --> 00:06:52,000
Oh!
165
00:06:52,002 --> 00:06:53,015
[ All screaming ]
166
00:06:53,017 --> 00:06:56,009
Don't worry, ugly duckling.
One day, you'll be...
167
00:06:56,011 --> 00:06:58,018
Actually, I find
the whole "ugly" narrative
168
00:06:58,020 --> 00:07:00,026
to be hetero-normative
and damaging,
169
00:07:00,028 --> 00:07:03,029
and there are a number of niche
Internet sex communities
170
00:07:04,001 --> 00:07:07,014
that would love
to have all... of... this.
171
00:07:07,016 --> 00:07:10,013
I was gonna say, one day,
you'll be a beautiful swan.
172
00:07:10,015 --> 00:07:12,028
Oh, thank God! I thought
I'd have to learn a skill.
173
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,018
I don't know what your problem
is, Of-Ken.
174
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:17,023
You should have gotten pregnant
by now.
175
00:07:17,025 --> 00:07:19,005
Um, Commander Ken...
176
00:07:19,007 --> 00:07:21,000
Don't say a word.
177
00:07:21,002 --> 00:07:24,007
Hey, Rocky.
I've got a friend request.
178
00:07:24,009 --> 00:07:27,017
Hello, Moose. It is us,
old American friends
179
00:07:27,019 --> 00:07:30,000
from your youth,
Bingo and Muffy.
180
00:07:30,002 --> 00:07:31,002
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
181
00:07:31,004 --> 00:07:32,020
Oh, boy.
Old friends.
182
00:07:32,022 --> 00:07:35,026
There's something suspicious
about that account, Bullwinkle.
183
00:07:35,028 --> 00:07:38,028
Speaking of old American things,
184
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,020
don't you miss good old days
when flying squirrels
185
00:07:41,022 --> 00:07:44,016
weren't taking
hardworking moose jobs?
186
00:07:44,018 --> 00:07:48,013
Hmm, I do generally remember
things being better in the past.
187
00:07:48,015 --> 00:07:50,016
Don't you want to make... ooh...
188
00:07:50,018 --> 00:07:53,013
I mean, America great again?
189
00:07:53,015 --> 00:07:55,003
Those new Facebook friends
are spreading
190
00:07:55,005 --> 00:07:57,024
pretty incendiary comments,
Bullwinkle.
191
00:07:57,026 --> 00:07:59,026
Shut your cockhole, snowflake!
192
00:07:59,028 --> 00:08:01,013
[ Gasps ]
193
00:08:01,015 --> 00:08:04,002
Hello, Broseph.
194
00:08:04,004 --> 00:08:07,013
Squirrel Lives Matter
march against ignorant mooses
195
00:08:07,015 --> 00:08:08,027
set for tomorrow.
196
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:11,001
Come join! Oh, boy.
197
00:08:11,003 --> 00:08:12,008
Oh, boy, I will!
198
00:08:12,010 --> 00:08:13,012
Hey, Rocky!
199
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:16,015
Watch me pull a squirrel
out of his own ass.
200
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:18,020
I'll fucking kill you!
Bullwinkle!
201
00:08:18,022 --> 00:08:21,013
[ Both laughing evilly ]
202
00:08:21,015 --> 00:08:23,029
Ariana, some say
that the ponytail
203
00:08:24,001 --> 00:08:25,024
has started
to influence your life.
204
00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:28,003
That's just a silly rumor.
205
00:08:28,005 --> 00:08:31,013
Are you blinking an SOS
in Morse code right now?
206
00:08:31,015 --> 00:08:32,029
And are you now blinking,
207
00:08:33,001 --> 00:08:36,009
"Stop talking about Morse code,
or the ponytail will kill me"?
208
00:08:36,011 --> 00:08:38,002
Aah!
209
00:08:42,009 --> 00:08:45,011
And that's the word
on Ariana's new album.
210
00:08:45,013 --> 00:08:47,011
Come on, kids!
211
00:08:47,013 --> 00:08:50,005
That rave's
not gonna rave itself.
212
00:08:50,007 --> 00:08:53,004
You're not our regular
party bus driver/drug dealer.
213
00:08:53,006 --> 00:08:56,026
Nope, he took some bad molly
and chewed off his hand.
214
00:08:56,028 --> 00:08:59,001
[ Laughs ]
I'm Miss Frizzle.
215
00:08:59,003 --> 00:09:01,008
I'm a substitute driver
these days.
216
00:09:01,010 --> 00:09:04,003
I used to be a teacher.
What happened?
217
00:09:04,005 --> 00:09:07,001
Let's just say, if you shrink
down a bunch of 9-year-olds
218
00:09:07,003 --> 00:09:08,563
and lose them
in a cow's second stomach,
219
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,006
they will absolutely
get turned into manure.
220
00:09:12,008 --> 00:09:14,000
Ohh.
Oh.
221
00:09:14,002 --> 00:09:19,023
But I still know how to drive
a flying bus, so here we go!
222
00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:20,025
[ Tires squeal ]
223
00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:22,023
[ All screaming ]
224
00:09:22,025 --> 00:09:25,026
Hot air balloon...
We must be in wine country.
225
00:09:25,028 --> 00:09:28,013
Let's go grab a frosé.
226
00:09:28,015 --> 00:09:30,007
No, thank you!
227
00:09:30,009 --> 00:09:31,011
[ All scream ]
228
00:09:31,013 --> 00:09:33,019
The bus is out of control!
229
00:09:33,021 --> 00:09:35,002
Ah-ha!
230
00:09:35,004 --> 00:09:36,484
What are we supposed to
do with these?
231
00:09:37,001 --> 00:09:38,025
Take chances.
Make mistakes.
232
00:09:38,027 --> 00:09:41,004
What's that island?
233
00:09:41,006 --> 00:09:42,024
Jump!
Aah!
234
00:09:42,026 --> 00:09:44,018
Whoa!
Aah!
235
00:09:44,020 --> 00:09:47,002
Quick, children,
look for supplies.
236
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:48,009
Why should we trust you?
237
00:09:48,011 --> 00:09:50,020
Listen here, you little sardine.
238
00:09:50,022 --> 00:09:53,004
Before I was a school
bus driver...
239
00:09:53,006 --> 00:09:55,246
Yeah, you turned a bunch of kids
into cow turds. We know.
240
00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:00,008
And I drove a tour bus
for Aerosmith in 1976.
241
00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:02,024
That was some heavy shit, man.
242
00:10:02,026 --> 00:10:04,014
You wanna talk about herpes...
243
00:10:04,016 --> 00:10:06,006
No, thanks!
...I'll shrink you down
244
00:10:06,008 --> 00:10:08,003
and show you herpes
like you've never...
245
00:10:08,005 --> 00:10:09,006
Aah!
246
00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:10,025
Thank you!
247
00:10:10,027 --> 00:10:12,024
Take my job, will ya?
248
00:10:12,026 --> 00:10:15,003
It's our old bus driver,
two-handed Harry.
249
00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:16,009
Not anymore.
250
00:10:16,011 --> 00:10:18,017
Let's celebrate!
251
00:10:18,019 --> 00:10:23,012
♪♪♪
252
00:10:23,014 --> 00:10:25,002
[ Gunshot ]
253
00:10:26,013 --> 00:10:28,007
[ Gunshot ]
254
00:10:29,027 --> 00:10:31,014
[ Gunshot ]
255
00:10:33,002 --> 00:10:34,003
[ Gunshot ]
256
00:10:35,022 --> 00:10:38,010
[ Gunshots ]
17914
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