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1
00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:08,875
[ thunder crashes ]
[ laughs evilly ]
2
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,944
[ sawing ]
[ electricity crackles ]
3
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:19,853
It's alive!
4
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:32,465
[ thunder crashes ]
[ laughs evilly ]
5
00:00:32,531 --> 00:00:37,804
[ smooch! ]
[ laughs evilly ]
6
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,106
[ insects chirping ]
Honey, why don't you just try
7
00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:40,840
Counting sheep?
8
00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:41,975
Does that really work?
9
00:00:42,041 --> 00:00:42,976
Just give it a try.
10
00:00:43,042 --> 00:00:47,046
[ sighs ]
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...
11
00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:51,885
[ sheep bleating ]
...7, 8, 9, 10!
12
00:00:51,951 --> 00:00:53,820
Move it, sheep! Jump, jump!
13
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:54,821
Listen up.
14
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:58,191
You have one job -- to help
Humans fall asleep.
15
00:00:58,258 --> 00:01:01,728
Fail and we'll turn your asses
Into lamb chops!
16
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,029
11, you're late!
17
00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:08,268
[ bleating ] My name is
Samuel.
18
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:10,970
Now, let that be a lesson to
All you --
19
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:12,338
My name is samuel.
20
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:13,706
My name is samuel.
21
00:01:13,773 --> 00:01:14,908
My name is samuel!
22
00:01:14,974 --> 00:01:17,744
What the the fuck
All right, stay -- stay back!
23
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:18,445
Stay back!
24
00:01:18,511 --> 00:01:21,848
[ screaming ]
[ yawns ]
25
00:01:21,914 --> 00:01:23,216
Hey, how'd you sleep?
26
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:25,185
Eh, fine.
27
00:01:26,186 --> 00:01:28,621
[ both grunting ]
You're pretty good, misty.
28
00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:29,956
Better than you, ash.
29
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,858
Oh, darn!
30
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,961
Ash! Why have we been playing
Tennis with a pokéball?
31
00:01:35,027 --> 00:01:37,263
Pikachu pissed on my rug.
32
00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:42,602
[ groaning ]
Damn right.
33
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:46,104
[ singing operatically ]
[ cheers and applause ]
34
00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:47,307
Hold my oakleys!
35
00:01:47,372 --> 00:01:50,676
Huh!
36
00:01:50,743 --> 00:01:52,412
No, no, no, no!
37
00:01:54,714 --> 00:01:59,018
[ vacuum cleaner runs ]
Get your penis out of the
38
00:01:59,085 --> 00:02:00,186
Vacuum cleaner.
39
00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:03,423
[ vacuum cleaner shuts off ]
Family, after nearly killing
40
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:06,559
You on a ski trip to the
Himalayas, I saved your lives by
41
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,561
Giving each of you bionic
Implants.
42
00:02:08,627 --> 00:02:11,397
Let's use these cool new powers
As the bionic six!
43
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:14,234
[ all cheering ]
Uh, hon, maybe we should be
44
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:17,670
Grateful we're alive and not --
The bionic six!
45
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:18,938
Open wide!
46
00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:22,242
You just got
Eighty-bionic-sixed!
47
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:25,278
[ grunts ]
Dad, turns out hitting homers
48
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,679
Isn't a superpower.
49
00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:27,213
Aah!
50
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:28,348
Bionic five!
51
00:02:28,414 --> 00:02:29,115
Eric?
52
00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:31,551
Uh, his code name is
Sports-1.
53
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:34,554
He's our son and he's dead,
You asshole!
54
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,222
We're getting a divorce.
55
00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:37,824
Bionic four!
56
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:38,491
Hyah!
57
00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:40,293
[ gunfire ]
Bionic three!
58
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:41,761
You killed my brother!
59
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:42,362
Aah!
60
00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:43,897
Bionic two!
61
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:46,199
We never had any training!
62
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:48,434
[ groans ]
Bionic one!
63
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:53,540
Only now do I see that
Bionics solve nothing.
64
00:02:53,606 --> 00:02:55,841
I am out of work!
65
00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:59,178
It is every parent's worst
Nightmare to outlive their
66
00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:00,280
Child.
67
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,448
I will treasure each of the
Years I had with my sweet,
68
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:03,349
Beloved andrew.
69
00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:05,818
Hold my oakleys, brah.
70
00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:09,589
Andrew was way too pussy to surf
A wave like this.
71
00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:11,624
Yeah!
72
00:03:12,158 --> 00:03:13,693
I'm sorry,
Professor dumbledore.
73
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,261
This curse is at stage 4.
74
00:03:15,328 --> 00:03:16,930
You only have six months to
Live.
75
00:03:16,996 --> 00:03:19,065
[ sighs ]
But try to look on the bright
76
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:19,766
Side.
77
00:03:19,832 --> 00:03:21,067
You're a highly educated wizard.
78
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:24,037
I'm sure you've done something
Really great with your life.
79
00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:25,872
I teach high school.
80
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:29,809
Oh. Well, I'll leave you
Alone to cry.
81
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:35,448
[ door opens ]
Scalpus badassus.
82
00:03:35,515 --> 00:03:39,385
[ twinkle! Twinkle! Twinkle! ]
[ "Breaking bad"-like
83
00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:42,355
Theme plays ]
We will create a money-making
84
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:51,331
Potion to fund your war with
Voldemort long after I'm gone.
85
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:54,801
Wolfsbane, fluxweed,
20 packages of sudafed?
86
00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:57,036
This sounds like the dark arts.
87
00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:59,839
It's what your parents
Would've wanted, harry.
88
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:00,840
I'll do it!
89
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,442
Well done, ms. Granger.
90
00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:04,777
Your batch is 99% pure.
91
00:04:04,844 --> 00:04:06,946
And mr. Weasley...
92
00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:07,981
Oh, no! Ron!
93
00:04:08,047 --> 00:04:09,749
The most useless of our trio!
94
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:10,984
Relax, hermione.
95
00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:14,454
Untrained students mixing
Potentially fatal potions are no
96
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:15,788
Big deal at hogwarts.
97
00:04:15,855 --> 00:04:19,225
See? He's perf-- oh, my god!
98
00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:20,994
[ thud ]
Children, have you learned
99
00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:23,496
Nothing from your annual
Near-death adventures?
100
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:24,897
Magic heals anything.
101
00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:28,201
Makes it hard to care about the
Consequences, frankly.
102
00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:29,569
He'll be good as new!
103
00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:36,142
[ insects chirping ]
[ humming ]
104
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:37,343
I don't think so, harry.
105
00:04:37,409 --> 00:04:39,846
Professor snape said he wouldn't
Drink your potions with
106
00:04:39,912 --> 00:04:40,713
Bea arthur's dick.
107
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:41,214
Yeah.
108
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:42,215
Yeah, come on.
109
00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:44,250
Quick! Use the magic words
Dumbledore gave us!
110
00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:45,852
Both: the first taste is
Free!
111
00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:48,321
You know, I always thought
Bea arthur was attractive.
112
00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,589
Okay, class.
113
00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:53,058
As you know from your reading, a
Hydra's temperature can only be
114
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,159
Taken rectally.
115
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:55,528
Any volunteers?
116
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:57,597
Children? By merlin's merkin!
117
00:04:57,664 --> 00:05:00,967
[ mumbling ]
Hagrid is going to blow the
118
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:03,403
Lid off our entire operation,
Professor!
119
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,906
I knew hiring a 12-foot-tall
Mongoloid would bite me in the
120
00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:07,874
Ass one day.
121
00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:08,708
I'm on it.
122
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:10,009
I'm home, fang!
123
00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:11,144
Come here, boy!
124
00:05:11,210 --> 00:05:14,347
[ beeping ]
Fang!
125
00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:15,281
I did it!
126
00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:16,249
Now I can...
127
00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:19,285
[ groans ]
I got hit with a stray shell.
128
00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:23,790
Seems kind of arbitrary after
Such a tightly plotted rise to
129
00:05:23,856 --> 00:05:24,657
Infamy.
130
00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:26,526
[ rock music playing ]
[ banjo playing ]
131
00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:36,736
One man can be pretty dumb
Sometimes, but for real
132
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:40,206
Bona fide stupidity, there ain't
Nothing can beat teamwork.
133
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:41,808
[ chair creaks ]
134
00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:43,776
[ patriotic music plays ]
135
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:50,316
[ straining ]
[ squeak! Pop! Splat! ]
136
00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:52,318
Another perfect giraffe!
137
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:53,152
Oh, no.
138
00:05:53,219 --> 00:05:55,254
That's too good to waste.
139
00:05:55,321 --> 00:05:57,323
Hey, where's that birthday boy?
140
00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:00,727
[ baby crying ]
Can -- can I hold my baby?
141
00:06:00,793 --> 00:06:03,129
You can hold your baby's
Oakleys.
142
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:09,535
[ hard-rock music plays,
Crowd cheering ]
143
00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:12,271
[ bleats ]
I finally figured out what's
144
00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:15,341
Wrong with you, otis -- male
Cows don't have udders.
145
00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:16,242
Uh, right.
146
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,444
And neither do I.
147
00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:21,013
I was born a hermaphrodite?
148
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:21,748
I, uh...
149
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:23,516
Oh, sweet cud. I'm a girl.
150
00:06:23,582 --> 00:06:24,450
You got me.
151
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:26,519
[ laughter ]
Oh, my god.
152
00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:29,422
Was that a strap-on or -- oh,
Was that your hoof?!
153
00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:32,225
What? You want to hate me for
Pretending to be something I'm
154
00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:32,558
Not?
155
00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:33,426
Fine.
156
00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:35,595
Then, abby, cows don't have
Blond hair!
157
00:06:35,661 --> 00:06:38,331
[ all gasp ]
And, bessie, cows can't walk on
158
00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:39,332
Two legs.
159
00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:41,834
Our knees should explode under
This much weight.
160
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:42,869
Ow!
161
00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:46,472
[ both scream ]
Fantasy looks pretty good
162
00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:50,009
Now, huh, you judgmental
Bitches?!
163
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,511
[ whistle! ]
My balls!
164
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,012
[ whoosh! ]
My vagina!
165
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,313
Am I doing this wrong?
166
00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:56,215
I think I'm doing this wrong.
167
00:06:56,282 --> 00:07:00,186
Dear mother, I take pen in
Hand to inform you that, today,
168
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,989
Your son, private pizza, became
A killer.
169
00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:06,025
Our platoon was on dawn patrol
When the enemy hit us.
170
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:09,996
Ambush! We got a--
Bullets started flying and, in
171
00:07:10,062 --> 00:07:12,999
That moment, I couldn't tell my
Fellow kitchen commandos
172
00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:15,568
Apart from our enemy,
The refrigerator rejects.
173
00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:20,406
I felt powerless, until I saw
That greasy bastard killing
174
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:21,641
Major munch.
175
00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:26,245
A rage overtook me, and I gave
That fried freak a closed-casket
176
00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:27,079
Funeral.
177
00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:29,816
I can't remember why we fight
Anymore.
178
00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:33,920
I pray that someday this war
Ends, a day when there is no
179
00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:38,758
Meat drawer, no veggie crisper,
Just food and food alike in one
180
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,960
Fridge, together.
181
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:45,565
Until that day, I am your son,
Private pizza, 1st battalion,
182
00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:46,933
Kitchen commandos.
183
00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:48,467
Aah!
184
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:53,005
Suicide taco! Get down!
185
00:07:53,072 --> 00:07:56,308
[ coughs ]
[ weakly ] Nobody wins...
186
00:07:56,375 --> 00:08:05,151
[ coughs ]
...In a food fight.
187
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:08,454
Let us begin this journey for
The roman catholic church.
188
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:11,791
Let us allow gays to marry and
Maybe shut up once in a while
189
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:13,092
About abortion.
190
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,427
Hold my oakleys.
191
00:08:14,493 --> 00:08:15,828
Hey!
192
00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:17,063
Aah!
193
00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:21,167
So, rapunzel, does the carpet
Match the drapes?
194
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,268
Mm, you tell me.
195
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,837
You just climbed up the carpet.
196
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:28,741
Cobra has developed a
Mind-control energy drink.
197
00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:32,078
It even looks and smells like
Asparagus piss, just like the
198
00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:33,312
Real thing.
199
00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:36,015
Cobra is giving it away at the
X games, so -- never thought I'd
200
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:39,751
Say this -- this is a mission
For g.I. Joe...
201
00:08:39,818 --> 00:08:40,886
Extreme.
202
00:08:40,953 --> 00:08:42,688
All: extreme!
203
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:44,657
[ sighs ]
Ballistic, grab the
204
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:45,491
Mountain dew!
205
00:08:45,558 --> 00:08:47,660
Metal-head, crank up the
Smash mouth!
206
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:51,230
So, duke, I got to ask -- why
Does g.I. Joe have a unit for
207
00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:52,298
Extreme tasks?
208
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:53,900
Eh, it was the '90s.
209
00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:55,835
Harpoon, talk to the hand!
210
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:56,535
Not!
211
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:58,571
[ engine revs ]
[ horn honks ]
212
00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:01,407
Do I spy a ninja with
Bleached blond hair?
213
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,109
It's frosted tips, brah!
214
00:09:03,175 --> 00:09:04,944
I'm bustin' moves, extreme
Style!
215
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:05,611
Go-gurt!
216
00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:07,079
Remember, you're undercover.
217
00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:08,981
Don't call attention to
Yourselves.
218
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:10,116
You heard the bro!
219
00:09:10,182 --> 00:09:11,784
Chillax, you ally mcbeals!
220
00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:15,054
Oh, you son of a --
Take it easy, boss.
221
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:18,190
[ horn honks ]
Listen up, fellow youth.
222
00:09:18,257 --> 00:09:20,459
Snakebite energy drinks are not
Cool!
223
00:09:20,526 --> 00:09:22,428
[ whispers ]
Or dope.
224
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:25,064
[ sea gull squawks ]
I am sold!
225
00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:27,066
It's ironic viral marketing!
226
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,467
Let's get a snakebite!
227
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:29,835
Don't worry, dawg.
228
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,470
I got this.
229
00:09:31,537 --> 00:09:34,840
Who wants in? Pretty sick, huh?
230
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:38,444
I got devil sticks, too.
231
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:41,080
[ sea gull squawks ]
Let's get a snakebite!
232
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:41,914
No fear!
233
00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:44,550
No! We got to take it to the
Extreme!
234
00:09:44,617 --> 00:09:47,286
Black dragon?
235
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:49,422
Who wants to see some gnarly
Shredding?
236
00:09:49,488 --> 00:09:51,057
Uh, that's a steep half-pipe.
237
00:09:51,123 --> 00:09:52,491
Where's that ninja's helmet?
238
00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:53,526
Don't need one.
239
00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:55,528
Homey's got frosted tips!
240
00:09:55,594 --> 00:09:58,364
Say no to
Snakebite energy drink!
241
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,266
Show me the money!
242
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,868
[ crack! Splat! ]
[ sea gull squawks ]
243
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:05,905
Well, time for the most
Extreme option!
244
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:07,473
Target my location.
245
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,407
Let the dogs out.
246
00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:09,275
Oh, my gosh.
247
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,077
Did you call an air strike on
Us?
248
00:10:11,143 --> 00:10:14,113
[ tires squeal ]
Well, seems a little --
249
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:15,014
Say it!
250
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:15,948
Extreme.
251
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:20,152
[ bomb whistling ]
Due to your extreme
252
00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:20,953
Negligence...
253
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:21,854
All: extreme!
254
00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:25,791
...You are sentenced to
Death.
255
00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:34,300
[ singing in spanish ]
♪ hey, maricopa
256
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,369
[ singing in spanish ]
♪ hey, maricopa
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