Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,871 --> 00:00:08,708
[ thunder crashes ]
[ laughs evilly ]
2
00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:10,777
[ sawing ]
3
00:00:15,982 --> 00:00:18,251
[ electricity crackles ]
4
00:00:18,318 --> 00:00:20,186
It's alive!
5
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:32,298
[ thunder crashes ]
[ laughs evilly ]
6
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:37,971
[ smooch! ]
[ laughs evilly ]
7
00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:40,673
Hey!
8
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:44,177
Unh!
9
00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:47,847
Hey!
10
00:00:47,914 --> 00:00:50,884
Unh!
11
00:00:50,950 --> 00:00:52,852
Hey!
12
00:00:55,054 --> 00:00:57,657
Our game, "Candy crush saga,"
Is so simple and addictive --
13
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,025
Just match three items in a row!
14
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:01,060
Ha! Why hasn't anyone thought of
This before?
15
00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:03,430
Yeah, I came up with it when
I was playing "Bejeweled," but
16
00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:05,632
More importantly, who should
Direct the "Candy crash saga"
17
00:01:05,698 --> 00:01:06,232
Movie?
18
00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:07,734
What about zack snyder?
19
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:12,338
[ whooshing ]
Unh! Ah!
20
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,307
[ crashing ]
Aah!
21
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,414
[ crash ]
22
00:01:23,983 --> 00:01:26,119
This ends now!
23
00:01:26,186 --> 00:01:30,757
[ children screaming ]
Millions are dead!
24
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:34,661
But I found three orange
Candies!
25
00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:36,262
Eh, too violent.
26
00:01:36,329 --> 00:01:38,064
How about tyler perry?
27
00:01:38,131 --> 00:01:39,265
Ooh, lawdy!
28
00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:42,268
I just got t'ree of dem little
Candies in a row, praise be to
29
00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:43,402
Jesus!
30
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:45,839
Madea, three years ago, I was
Sexually assaulted at a
31
00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:46,872
Fraternity party.
32
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,708
Now I'm addicted to crack.
33
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:52,812
Love is more powerful than
Any addiction, baby girl.
34
00:01:52,878 --> 00:01:55,281
In fact, it is one.
35
00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:57,250
That got really dark and
Weird at the end.
36
00:01:57,317 --> 00:01:58,384
Eh, they all do.
37
00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,453
You think it's gonna be
"Big momma's house," and then it
38
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,755
Turns into some high-school
Girl's idea of a "Relevant"
39
00:02:02,822 --> 00:02:03,756
Play.
40
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:05,258
Those peter jackson movies
Make a lot of money!
41
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:07,527
♪ pass the mints and share
The treats ♪
42
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:09,863
♪ won't the viewers think it's
Sweet? ♪
43
00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:12,932
This scene has gone on for 45
Minutes, and I still don't know
44
00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:13,833
What a hobbit is.
45
00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:15,301
Run, you fools!
46
00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:17,136
Eh, it doesn't matter who
Directs it.
47
00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:18,938
We're the biggest thing on the
Internet!
48
00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:20,240
It'll be a hit no matter what!
49
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:21,040
You're right!
50
00:02:21,107 --> 00:02:22,242
Hey, I gotta get home soon.
51
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,810
"Shit my dad says" is on
Tonight!
52
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:24,577
Oh, no, phil.
53
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,513
No. No, it isn't.
54
00:02:26,579 --> 00:02:27,347
Hahaha ha-ha!
55
00:02:27,413 --> 00:02:28,047
Hahaha ha-ha!
56
00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:29,549
Hahahahahahaha!
57
00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:31,618
[ cellphone rings ]
Hello?
58
00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:33,586
Oh, dad? Why are you calling?
59
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,321
What? When?
60
00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:36,489
I ju-- I just saw her!
61
00:02:36,555 --> 00:02:37,190
Oh, my god.
62
00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:38,825
Was the other driver drunk or...
63
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:41,227
Yeah, I'll hop on the first
Plane out of here.
64
00:02:41,293 --> 00:02:44,764
[ sniffles ]
I love you, dad.
65
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,232
[ sobbing ] Wuhaha ha-ha.
66
00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:47,133
Wuhaha ha-ha.
67
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:51,004
Wuhahahahahaha ha-haaaaaa.
68
00:02:51,070 --> 00:02:53,406
"And the dragon and the
Squirrel skipped down
69
00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:55,341
Peppercorn lane..."
70
00:02:55,408 --> 00:02:55,708
Hey!
71
00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:56,942
Huh? What?
72
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,345
I need you to understand that
Once you fall asleep, there is
73
00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:02,015
Zero value in me reading this
Book.
74
00:03:02,081 --> 00:03:04,517
I sure did have a good time
Tonight, jack.
75
00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:05,485
Yeah, me too.
76
00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:07,086
Maybe we could -- oh, no!
77
00:03:07,153 --> 00:03:08,688
Tonight's the full moon?
78
00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:09,522
Run, sally!
79
00:03:09,589 --> 00:03:11,291
Run away as fast as you can!
80
00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:12,625
I'm a werewolf!
81
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:18,031
[ groaning ]
No, jack, I'm staying!
82
00:03:18,097 --> 00:03:19,365
I love you!
83
00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:21,000
Wait, what?!
84
00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:22,101
I love you!
85
00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:25,271
[ groaning ]
Thank you?
86
00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:26,372
"Thank you"?
87
00:03:26,439 --> 00:03:29,309
I say "I love you," and you say
"Thank you"?
88
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:32,512
Oh, are...We...Doing this
Now?
89
00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:35,515
[ groans ]
[ straining ] I think you...Are
90
00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:36,416
Very nice!
91
00:03:36,482 --> 00:03:39,352
I just got out of a long-term
Thing, so --
92
00:03:39,418 --> 00:03:41,154
Look, I'm turning into a
Werewolf.
93
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:45,658
You should really go --
Aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooo!
94
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,461
[ sighs ]
Oh, god.
95
00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:50,597
What did I do to sally last
Night?
96
00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:54,767
You made me the happiest girl
In the world!
97
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:03,476
[ both conversing in iranian ]
98
00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:14,988
Oh, yeah!
99
00:04:15,054 --> 00:04:15,922
Go, go, go!
100
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,724
[ machine gunfire ]
Stay down! Stay down!
101
00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:18,791
Get on the ground!
102
00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:22,195
[ clock ticking ]
And you feel the army took
103
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,162
Advantage of you?
104
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:24,230
Yes!
105
00:04:24,297 --> 00:04:26,332
I can't control what happens
When anybody says "Hey,
106
00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:28,701
Kool-aid!"
Oh, yeah!
107
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:29,302
What?
108
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:29,869
What?
109
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:30,470
What?
110
00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:32,138
Keep rolling.
111
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:35,608
So, you see, kids, if you
Share with others, others will
112
00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:37,477
Share with you --
Aah!
113
00:04:37,543 --> 00:04:40,079
[ children scream ]
114
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:41,180
[ cellphone beeps ]
115
00:04:41,247 --> 00:04:42,982
Siri, I'm hungry for a
Burrito.
116
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:44,951
[ cellphone beeps ]
I'm sorry, bane.
117
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,119
I don't understand you.
118
00:04:46,185 --> 00:04:48,354
[ cellphone beeps ]
I want you to find me a
119
00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:49,489
Burrito store, siri.
120
00:04:49,555 --> 00:04:52,258
[ cellphone beeps ]
Your voice is barely audible,
121
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:53,259
Bane.
122
00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:55,528
[ cellphone beeps ]
Burritos in bane's stomach
123
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:56,562
Now!
124
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,665
[ cellphone beeps ]
Perhaps a mask was a bad
125
00:04:58,731 --> 00:04:59,699
Costume choice.
126
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:01,200
Aah!
127
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:06,139
We will drink here, lawrence.
128
00:05:06,205 --> 00:05:07,507
Wait. Who owns this well?
129
00:05:07,573 --> 00:05:08,441
We are thirsty!
130
00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:09,676
We will drink!
131
00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:12,712
Who steal the water from the
Sheik?
132
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:13,279
Aah!
133
00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:14,514
I'll break your back!
134
00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:15,915
I'll make you humble!
135
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:19,185
My name is t.E. Lawrence,
And I could use your assistance
136
00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:20,253
In this war, sir.
137
00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:23,089
Now you friends with sheiky
Baby!
138
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,924
[gunshots]
139
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,460
I'm gonna break your back!
140
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:29,495
Such bravery!
141
00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:31,597
I'll make you humble!
142
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,166
He's quite the warrior.
143
00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:34,534
Young men make war.
144
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:35,835
Old men make peace.
145
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:37,170
Oh! Son of a bitch!
146
00:05:37,236 --> 00:05:39,439
I'll make you humble!
147
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,074
Okay...
148
00:05:41,140 --> 00:05:42,942
[ camel spits ]
Ah!
149
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,445
I'll make you humble!
150
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,080
That's a little excessive.
151
00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:50,616
Ah! [ spits ]
Sand show no respect.
152
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,286
Sheik put you in the camel
Clutch!
153
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:54,887
Okay, this guy's crazy.
154
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:57,223
Did lawrence and sheiky baby
Win the war?
155
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,157
I don't know.
156
00:05:58,224 --> 00:06:00,426
This movie is 3 hours and 48
Minutes long.
157
00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:01,994
A lot of stuff happened.
158
00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:09,001
[ tires screech ]
159
00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:10,036
[ birds chirping ]
160
00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:12,305
[ sobbing ]
161
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:18,010
[ sobbing continues ]
162
00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:26,085
Greetings, boos and ghouls!
163
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:27,754
Boys and girls! Boos and ghouls!
164
00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:29,655
Fuck that was barely
Coherent!
165
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:33,392
Tonight we have three tales of
Terror guaranteed to chill you
166
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:34,659
To the "Groans"!
167
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:36,696
Wait, the word "Bones" was
Already scary.
168
00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:38,030
Why'd we -- okay. Who cares?
169
00:06:38,097 --> 00:06:39,799
Let's keep this turd train
Rolling.
170
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:43,803
[ thunder rumbles ]
I love my new unicorn
171
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:45,238
Trapper keeper!
172
00:06:45,304 --> 00:06:48,307
The old gypsy said not to open
It after midnight.
173
00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:50,610
Oh, well. Couldn't hurt.
174
00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:53,379
[ neighs ]
Hello, tracy!
175
00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:55,548
Let's be best friends forever!
176
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:57,150
Oh, my god! Yes!
177
00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:58,217
I love you!
178
00:06:58,284 --> 00:06:59,352
Say, who's this?
179
00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:01,754
Oh, that's just my boyfriend,
Charlie.
180
00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:03,322
[ nickers ] He looks fun.
181
00:07:03,389 --> 00:07:05,825
Uh, yeah, I guess.
182
00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:08,494
What's this? A pool party?
183
00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:09,495
Count me in!
184
00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:10,963
Whoa! A unicorn!
185
00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:14,567
You look like you could use
Some sunscreen!
186
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:17,003
Yeah, I guess I do need some.
187
00:07:17,069 --> 00:07:19,272
Whoops! No hands!
188
00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:21,274
Better improvise!
189
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:23,042
[ laughs ] That tickles!
190
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,811
[ laughs ]
Oh, yeah.
191
00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:26,445
Hey, charlie -- aaaaah!
192
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:29,715
[ muffled screaming ]
Could have sworn I tied a
193
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,184
Sock on the door, tracy.
194
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:33,085
Oh, my god! You're a monster!
195
00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:35,555
You're a pervert! You're --
Aah!
196
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:37,523
That was a warning.
197
00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:38,858
Walk away.
198
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:41,027
I'd rather ride.
199
00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:46,566
[ both grunting ]
Ohh! Ooh, ahh.
200
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:49,836
All you've done is made me
Stronger.
201
00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:50,636
Uh-oh.
202
00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:52,705
You wanna get sucked?
203
00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:54,373
Get sucked!
204
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,609
Nooooo!
205
00:07:56,676 --> 00:08:02,215
[ echoing neigh ]
It's finally over, baby.
206
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:03,916
Bye-bye, college fund.
207
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,051
College fund?
208
00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:07,420
[ camera beeping ]
Ew.
209
00:08:07,486 --> 00:08:08,421
Oh, hello!
210
00:08:08,487 --> 00:08:11,457
I was just enjoying the latest
Best "Heller"!
211
00:08:11,524 --> 00:08:15,628
[ laughs ]
This is actually dan brown's
212
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:16,362
"Inferno."
213
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:17,663
It's a piece of shit.
214
00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:20,666
Our next tale is something of an
"Alle-gory"!
215
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:23,736
You might say it's a
"Meta-gore"!
216
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:24,770
Let's just roll it.
217
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,739
[ crickets chirping ]
218
00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:32,578
Get out...
219
00:08:32,645 --> 00:08:35,514
Get out of the house.
220
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:37,450
Get out of the hou--
Why don't you get your tongue
221
00:08:37,515 --> 00:08:39,684
Out of your daddy's asshole
So I can jam your mama's cock
222
00:08:39,751 --> 00:08:42,520
Up there, you jizz-gargling
Pile of monkey spunk?
223
00:08:42,587 --> 00:08:44,957
Nothing to say now, huh?
224
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:47,393
There's just a lot to unpack
There.
225
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:50,496
Well, wake me up when you
Figure it out, shit stick.
226
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:53,266
[ snores ]
227
00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:54,600
[ yawns ]
228
00:08:59,438 --> 00:09:00,473
Blam!
229
00:09:00,539 --> 00:09:02,742
Where's your pussy-ass art
Project now, fuck nut?
230
00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:04,477
It wasn't supposed to be art!
231
00:09:04,543 --> 00:09:06,045
It was supposed to scare you!
232
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:07,613
God! Forget it! I'm leaving!
233
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,483
[ crickets chirping ]
Strawberry shortcake!
234
00:09:10,549 --> 00:09:11,584
Huh? What?
235
00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:13,352
Get out of the house!
236
00:09:13,419 --> 00:09:14,854
[ thunder rumbles ]
Aaaaah!
237
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:17,757
Ragging so bad, why don't you
238
00:09:17,823 --> 00:09:20,559
Take your mama's tampon out of
Your daddy's asshole and
239
00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:22,995
Lick it clean before you shove
It up your pussy?
240
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,364
Hey, stop talking about my
Dad's asshole!
241
00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:26,465
I'll leave town, okay?
242
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:28,267
Oh, fyi, that isn't blood.
243
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:30,336
That is strawberry jam, m'lady.
244
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,804
The insulation is leaking.
245
00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:34,307
All I did was turn the painting
Upside down.
246
00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:35,341
Live with it.
247
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,944
Do you think he was right
About the insulation?
248
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:40,346
That could be berry expensive.
249
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,647
Hmm, let's see.
250
00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:45,384
That depends on whether I give a
Fuck, shit tits!
251
00:09:45,451 --> 00:09:47,253
Dun dun-dun-daaaa!
252
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,487
Bitch pudding!
253
00:09:48,554 --> 00:09:49,255
Blam!
254
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,691
[ crash ]
I should really move.
255
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:54,927
Now that's what I call
Bare-bones storytelling!
256
00:09:54,994 --> 00:09:58,264
[ laughs ]
It's like the writers were
257
00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,532
"Scare-ly" trying!
258
00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:03,069
[ laughs ]
Let's keep moving.
259
00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:05,037
Honey, I'm running to the
Store!
260
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:09,175
You be careful out there,
George r.R. Martin.
261
00:10:13,412 --> 00:10:14,647
Hey, george!
262
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:16,215
George r.R. Martin!
263
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,116
George!
264
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:18,884
When's the next book gonna be
Finished?
265
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,152
Will it be finished today?
266
00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:20,987
Say today!
267
00:10:21,053 --> 00:10:22,588
Is jon snow's mom really
Melisandre?
268
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:24,623
It makes perfect sense, if you
Think about it!
269
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:25,725
Hey, george!
270
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,693
If the land beyond the wall is a
Metaphor for canada...
271
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:28,961
...Then what's new jersey?
272
00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:30,062
Are dire wolves real?
273
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:32,064
Can I have emilia clarke's
Phone number?
274
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:32,999
Three-eyed raven!
275
00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:33,966
Can I do brienne?
276
00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:36,402
Stay -- stay back!
277
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,838
George r.R. Martin!
278
00:10:38,904 --> 00:10:39,338
Oh!
279
00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:39,872
No! No!
280
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:41,040
Is brienne doable?
281
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:43,442
Jon and ygritte!
282
00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:46,812
That was weird.
283
00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:49,348
Anyway, tune in next "Shriek"
When we --
284
00:10:49,415 --> 00:10:51,550
Oh, we're not back next
"Shriek"?
285
00:10:51,617 --> 00:10:53,552
We were canceled years ago?
286
00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:55,721
You mean "Fears" ago!
287
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:57,223
Oh, you're serious.
288
00:10:57,289 --> 00:11:01,994
Well, fuck me, jerry, I --
[ laughs ]
289
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:04,096
[ sobbing ]
290
00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:08,601
Jerry, where'd you go?
291
00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:11,637
Jerry, where'd you go?!
292
00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:13,606
Don't leave your boy, jerry!
293
00:11:13,672 --> 00:11:14,673
I'm your boy!
294
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,175
Why-y-y?
295
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:18,611
I've got nowhere to go!
296
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:20,579
[ sobbing ]
19461
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.