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1
00:00:07,774 --> 00:00:11,177
[ alarm beeping ]
Jumping jehovah!
2
00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:13,146
It's one minute to christmas!
3
00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:16,181
Pack the toys, get my list, and
If those fleabags aren't
4
00:00:16,248 --> 00:00:19,085
Saddled in six seconds, then get
Your ass under the mistletoe
5
00:00:19,152 --> 00:00:21,588
'cause my boot's gonna give it a
Fucking sole kiss.
6
00:00:21,654 --> 00:00:25,792
And who was in charge of my
Wake-up call?
7
00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:31,765
Pack your shit and get out.
8
00:00:31,831 --> 00:00:32,499
Hyah!
9
00:00:32,564 --> 00:00:35,635
[ reindeers whinny ]
[ crying ]
10
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:38,471
Holy...Let's do this!
11
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:41,808
[ whistle! ]
[ whistle! ]
12
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:45,979
[ whistle! ]
[ whistle! ]
13
00:00:46,045 --> 00:00:47,914
Santa remembered me!
14
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:52,585
[ splat! ]
Oh, wait a minute.
15
00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:56,656
Boo-yah! 15 seconds to spare.
16
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:57,824
I fucking rule!
17
00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,025
Santa dance.
18
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:03,062
[ hip-hop music plays ]
Oh, no, you don't.
19
00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:04,330
You're not gonna fuck me.
20
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,900
Santa's the one doing the
Fucking tonight.
21
00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:20,947
[ grunts ]
Why won't this thing open?
22
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,882
[ grunting ] Get off of me!
23
00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:23,716
Aah! Stop!
24
00:01:23,783 --> 00:01:25,785
Ack, you're having a dream!
25
00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:26,753
No, santa. No!
26
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:29,189
[ zapping ]
Aah! Aah!
27
00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,157
Yaahhhhhh!
28
00:01:31,224 --> 00:01:34,227
[ thud! ]
I hate christmas.
29
00:01:34,294 --> 00:01:36,128
[ all gasp ]
You heard me.
30
00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:38,064
[ rock music plays ]
31
00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:13,766
No, I don't know when I'll be
Home.
32
00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:16,269
Because there's still jews
Eating dinner.
33
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:18,738
I wish I could be home
Celebrating christmas with my
34
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:19,405
Family, too.
35
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:20,807
I hate the jews, too, honey.
36
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,308
Okay, bye.
37
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:25,478
When that lumberjack
Violently cut me down, I thought
38
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:27,514
"Oh, my life is over."
39
00:02:27,579 --> 00:02:30,149
But then, you welcomed me into
Your family.
40
00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:33,152
These have been the two happiest
Weeks of my life.
41
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:35,054
[ laughs ]
Thanks, christmas tree.
42
00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:40,192
Oh, we love you,
Christmas tree.
43
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:41,227
Morning, gorgeous.
44
00:02:41,293 --> 00:02:42,395
Hey, where we going?
45
00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:47,767
Oh, um, we're all going on
Vacation to universal studios.
46
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,569
Awesome!
47
00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:51,704
I want to go to
Harry potter land and try that
48
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:52,438
Fake butterbeer.
49
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:53,606
You're grabbing the luggage?
50
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,441
Remember, grab the sunscreen.
51
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,243
[ garbage truck beeping ]
Hold up, there.
52
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:58,344
No, no, no.
53
00:02:58,411 --> 00:03:00,613
I'm actually about to head to
Florida with my family.
54
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,115
Carol! Help!
55
00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:03,950
Jeff, get out here, man!
56
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,218
They think I'm trash!
57
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:07,387
I thought I was part of the
Family.
58
00:03:07,453 --> 00:03:11,024
You lied to me, you bastards!
59
00:03:11,090 --> 00:03:12,959
Are you fucking kidding me?!
60
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:15,395
Think positive.
61
00:03:15,461 --> 00:03:18,364
Maybe someone will just use me
For boogers or number one.
62
00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:19,465
Wait a minute.
63
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:20,533
Is that them?
64
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,535
Sally, get some extra toilet
Paper, okay, hon?
65
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:23,970
We're having indian food
Tonight.
66
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,372
[ laughs ]
Oh, no, no, no!
67
00:03:26,439 --> 00:03:28,107
Dear, we thought we could use
This after your chimney
68
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:28,875
Accident.
69
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,009
Ho! Ho! Ho!
70
00:03:30,076 --> 00:03:32,245
A candy cane -- how thoughtful.
71
00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:32,645
Aah!
72
00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:33,478
Oh, no.
73
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,148
It was actually made of
Candy?
74
00:03:35,214 --> 00:03:36,649
We thought it would hold you!
75
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:38,685
Oh, was this load-bearing
Peppermint?
76
00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:39,218
Oh, god.
77
00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:40,753
I shattered my tibia.
78
00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:43,690
Aw, that's not fair!
79
00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:46,459
Who's laughing at
"Big foot" danny now.
80
00:03:46,526 --> 00:03:48,962
Welcome back to
"The justin bieber christmas
81
00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:51,164
Special with love."
82
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:52,365
I love you all.
83
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:55,902
This is a song I wrote about
Christmas and how it makes my
84
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,236
Heart feel.
85
00:03:58,103 --> 00:04:02,075
[ heavy-metal music plays ]
♪ fuck christmas
86
00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:07,180
♪ fuck christmas
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
87
00:04:07,246 --> 00:04:08,815
♪ I see those presents that you
Bought me ♪
88
00:04:08,881 --> 00:04:10,683
♪ fuck 'em
♪ I see that ribbon in your
89
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,251
Hair ♪
♪ I'll choke you with it
90
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:13,953
♪ my christmas card up on the
Mantle ♪
91
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:16,154
♪ it's a photo of my dick
♪ and all the stockings hung
92
00:04:16,221 --> 00:04:17,589
With care ♪
♪ they're filled with my
93
00:04:17,656 --> 00:04:20,125
Shit ♪
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
94
00:04:20,192 --> 00:04:22,161
♪ fuck fuck christmas
Yeah!
95
00:04:22,228 --> 00:04:23,630
Ooh, ooh, yeah.
96
00:04:23,696 --> 00:04:25,798
We never had this problem
With david cassidy.
97
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:26,832
Cassidy was a hack.
98
00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:28,801
Bieber is a fucking artist.
99
00:04:29,268 --> 00:04:30,937
[ panting ]
[ crack! ]
100
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:38,177
[ grunts ]
[ gun cocks ]
101
00:04:50,289 --> 00:04:51,658
[ grunts ]
Aah!
102
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:02,402
You're a hard man to find,
Jason.
103
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:04,871
[ sighs ]
The list -- look what it makes
104
00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:05,471
Me do.
105
00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,507
Look what it makes me do.
106
00:05:07,573 --> 00:05:09,409
[ gagging ]
107
00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:12,412
Parcheesi!
108
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:13,980
Oh, would you look at that?
109
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:15,782
More blocks.
110
00:05:15,848 --> 00:05:18,117
Yay.
111
00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:20,086
[ fanfare plays ]
All gifts present and
112
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,854
Accounted for, except
Snake eyes.
113
00:05:21,921 --> 00:05:23,256
He's so hard to buy for.
114
00:05:23,322 --> 00:05:27,226
What's wrong with what we
Always get him?
115
00:05:28,327 --> 00:05:30,329
I never hear him complain
About it.
116
00:05:30,396 --> 00:05:31,898
[ laughs ]
What are you supposed to get
117
00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:33,366
A guy who won't tell us what he
Wants?
118
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:38,171
There is one thing he wants,
And we all know it.
119
00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:41,240
Okay, there's storm shadow's
House.
120
00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:44,110
We zipline over, bag him, and
Get him back to the base for
121
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:47,113
Snake eyes to open on christmas
Morning.
122
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,515
All: yo, joe!
123
00:05:49,582 --> 00:05:53,419
Take him alive!
124
00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:56,989
All: yo, joe!
125
00:05:57,056 --> 00:06:01,127
Oh, baby, I'm sorry.
126
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,261
Ow! Ow!
127
00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:04,063
Ohh, this is not good.
128
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,099
We're not leaving without
You, mister.
129
00:06:06,165 --> 00:06:08,701
Yo, joe!
130
00:06:08,768 --> 00:06:10,636
I got him! I got him!
131
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:20,413
Merry fucking christmas.
132
00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:24,383
Well, that's true, mrs. Cage.
133
00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:26,486
It only says your card is
Declined.
134
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,187
I inferred that you were poor.
135
00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:31,324
It's just -- it's been so
Hard to make ends meet since my
136
00:06:31,390 --> 00:06:32,457
Husband passed away.
137
00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:34,794
Cage -- where have I heard
That before?
138
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:35,762
Finish him!
139
00:06:35,828 --> 00:06:38,731
[ groans ]
Oh, right. That guy I killed.
140
00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:39,899
Wait!
141
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,168
Well, if you're sure I'm not
Imposing, I'd love to join you
142
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,136
For christmas dinner.
143
00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:43,970
Wonderful.
144
00:06:44,036 --> 00:06:45,638
It'll be just like having
Johnny back.
145
00:06:45,705 --> 00:06:47,039
You remind me of him, you know?
146
00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:48,341
You have his heart.
147
00:06:48,407 --> 00:06:50,743
Kano rules!
148
00:06:51,277 --> 00:06:53,179
Hyah!
149
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,414
Okay [grunts] Okay.
150
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:56,883
Hyah!
151
00:06:56,949 --> 00:06:58,618
Oh.
152
00:06:58,683 --> 00:06:59,352
Oh, oh.
153
00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:00,620
Unh-unh.
154
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:04,457
[ laughs ]
Listen, sarah.
155
00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:08,161
This has been a perfect day, but
Something I need to confess.
156
00:07:08,227 --> 00:07:09,595
[ sighs ]
I don't understand.
157
00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:10,830
It's -- it's johnny's heart.
158
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:12,231
I was the one who killed him.
159
00:07:12,298 --> 00:07:13,566
Kano, this isn't a heart.
160
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:14,567
It's not?
161
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:17,837
So he reaches in and pulls
Out my appendix.
162
00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:20,173
[ all laugh ]
Can you believe that?
163
00:07:20,239 --> 00:07:22,041
He actually saved my life, quite
Frankly.
164
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:24,844
[ laughs ]
[ smooches ]
165
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:26,546
Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
166
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,481
Christmas! Yay!
167
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:32,218
♪ jingle bells, mom's in tears,
What is going on? ♪
168
00:07:32,284 --> 00:07:33,719
Everybody, be cool.
169
00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:35,288
We've just been robbed!
170
00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:37,290
Bastards even took the tree.
171
00:07:37,356 --> 00:07:40,693
What could the black-market
Value on a rapidly-browning
172
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,228
Douglas fir possibly be?
173
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,996
No -- no presents?
174
00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:46,265
Oh, honey, it's totally fine.
175
00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:47,733
We're gonna have...
176
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,335
Pretend christmas.
177
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:50,136
Open it.
178
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,604
It's, uh...
179
00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:56,709
It's just a mint-on-card
Version 2 snake eyes from 1985
180
00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:59,612
With an afa grade of 99.
181
00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:01,080
This got stolen?!
182
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,281
Aah!
183
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:04,784
Sweetie, you didn't open your
Framed original artwork from
184
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:09,722
G.I. Joe number 21 with signed
Certificate from creator
185
00:08:09,789 --> 00:08:10,723
Larry hama!
186
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:11,924
Aah!
187
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:15,394
[ crying ] Why did this happen
To me?!
188
00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:18,364
[ indistinct chanting ]
Huh?
189
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:19,432
Join us, friend.
190
00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:20,867
All our houses were robbed.
191
00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:23,569
Thanks, but I don't want to
Sing and feel better.
192
00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:25,938
[ laughing ] Oh, no, we're
Not singing to feel better.
193
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,207
We're chanting to raise the
Spirit of vengeance from the
194
00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:30,910
Depths of hell to seek out the
[bleep] Who stole my children's
195
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:33,412
Ipads and disembowel him with a
Giant flaming spear.
196
00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:35,681
You're in the wrong circle,
Dave.
197
00:08:35,748 --> 00:08:38,484
The "Chant for vengeance" circle
Is over there.
198
00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:39,585
Aah, damn it.
199
00:08:39,652 --> 00:08:40,786
Wait a minute.
200
00:08:40,852 --> 00:08:45,858
The stolen presents, the singing
Rubes -- I know this story.
201
00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:48,027
[ gasps ]
That means the thief should
202
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,562
Be...
203
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:52,732
Aha!
204
00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:56,469
In hindsight, racing up this icy
Mountain in a onesie was a bad
205
00:08:56,535 --> 00:08:57,036
Idea.
206
00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:59,972
Can't...Go...On.
207
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:03,476
[ breathes heavily ]
Oh, snake eyes, you'll have some
208
00:09:03,542 --> 00:09:05,978
Inspirational words for me.
209
00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:11,350
Uh...Kind of dropping the ball,
Snake eyes.
210
00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:13,519
Wow, larry hama!
211
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:14,687
You can do it.
212
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:15,922
Believe in yourself.
213
00:09:15,988 --> 00:09:18,925
Not the most original words
Of inspiration I've ever heard.
214
00:09:18,991 --> 00:09:20,126
Look, kid.
215
00:09:20,192 --> 00:09:22,828
I used to write a comic book
That was basically word balloons
216
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,196
On a toy catalog.
217
00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:27,066
Now, if you want me to read some
Passages from my unfinished
218
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:29,835
Novel --
No, thank you.
219
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:34,040
Grinch, come out of that sleigh
So I can whip the green off your
220
00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:35,174
Bitch ass!
221
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:38,110
It's easy to talk tough to a
Villain when his little bird
222
00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:40,546
Wrists are even bonier than your
Own.
223
00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:43,249
[ gasps ]
You're not the cartoon grinch.
224
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,985
You're the stupid-ass
Jim carrey grinch.
225
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:48,421
A grinch is a grinch,
My little friend.
226
00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:50,756
And I'm afraid your precious
Presents --
227
00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:54,627
You took the best cartoon of
All time, and you pissed in its
228
00:09:54,694 --> 00:09:55,294
Mouth!
229
00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:56,228
Hey, hey, hey.
230
00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:57,396
Let's not get personal.
231
00:09:57,463 --> 00:09:58,297
You know what?
232
00:09:58,364 --> 00:09:59,465
Keep my stuff.
233
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,867
I'm about to give myself the
Best christmas present of all
234
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:02,768
Time.
235
00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:04,437
Nooooooo!
236
00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:07,106
[ whistle! ]
[ crash! ]
237
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:10,176
Merry christmas to all, and
To all, a good --
238
00:10:10,242 --> 00:10:11,978
[ barking ]
Oh, my gosh.
239
00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:14,246
That little stockholm-syndrome
Dog.
240
00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:17,249
[ whimpers ]
Oh, my gosh!
241
00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:20,353
Oh, these tooth marks are really
Gonna affect the afa grading,
242
00:10:20,419 --> 00:10:21,354
Though.
243
00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:24,123
[ whimpers ]
♪ la-boo-da-boo,
244
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,192
Bring us... ♪
Everyone, look who fell
245
00:10:26,258 --> 00:10:28,127
Through my roof -- the christmas
Thief!
246
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,997
The spirit of vengeance
Answered our prayers!
247
00:10:31,063 --> 00:10:35,167
[ all cheering ]
Would the spirit of vengeance
248
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:36,168
Want us to rape it?
249
00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:37,169
It is christmas.
250
00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:38,804
[ all cheering ]
251
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:40,973
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
252
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:43,109
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
253
00:10:43,175 --> 00:10:45,244
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
254
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,413
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
255
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,548
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
256
00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:51,751
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
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00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:53,686
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
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