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1
00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:08,875
[ thunder crashes ]
[ laughs evilly ]
2
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,910
[ sawing ]
[ electricity crackles ]
3
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:19,819
It's alive!
4
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:32,465
[ thunder crashes ]
[ laughs evilly ]
5
00:00:32,531 --> 00:00:38,138
[ smooch! ]
[ laughs evilly ]
6
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:40,807
Now, "Top chef: sweden"!
7
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:43,209
All: bork! Bork! Bork!
8
00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:44,511
Bork! Bork!
9
00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:49,616
[ all mumbling loudly ]
Your challenge is --
10
00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:52,051
All: [ muttering ]
Your challenge --
11
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:56,156
Your challenge is to prepare the
Traditional scandinavian dish
12
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:57,857
Known as lutefisk!
13
00:00:57,924 --> 00:00:59,592
Bork!
14
00:00:59,659 --> 00:01:01,127
Step aside, dudes.
15
00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:02,695
Time for a shell spin!
16
00:01:02,762 --> 00:01:03,696
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
17
00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:04,697
Turtle power!
18
00:01:04,763 --> 00:01:06,566
[ chuckles ]
[ grunts ]
19
00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:08,034
[ chuckling ] Hey, hey.
20
00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:09,602
Hey, dudes, little, uh...
21
00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:12,005
[ grunts ]
Little help here!
22
00:01:12,071 --> 00:01:13,139
Leo?
23
00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:14,974
Little help!
24
00:01:15,708 --> 00:01:17,710
So, loki's like, "Please have
Mercy!"
25
00:01:17,777 --> 00:01:19,078
And I was all, "Sorry, pal.
26
00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:20,947
Can't hear a thing in this
Helmet."
27
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:21,815
Ba-da-boom!
28
00:01:21,881 --> 00:01:23,650
Chest-mounted unibeam, baby.
29
00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:25,819
[ laughter ]
You is the man!
30
00:01:25,885 --> 00:01:27,887
Got a story from the fight,
Jolly green?
31
00:01:27,954 --> 00:01:30,190
Well, hulk smash.
32
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:32,025
And hulk smash.
33
00:01:32,091 --> 00:01:34,060
But then...Hulk smash!
34
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:36,196
No freaking way, man!
35
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:37,497
Swearsies.
36
00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:39,966
[ laughter ]
Okay, well, okay, so, I-I
37
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,801
Kicked this guy, and I shot him
With my pistols.
38
00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:46,673
And it turns out that he was,
Uh, bulletproof and also
39
00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:47,941
Kick-proof.
40
00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:48,942
Oh, god!
41
00:01:49,008 --> 00:01:50,610
I'm, like, the lamest one on
This team!
42
00:01:50,676 --> 00:01:54,247
I don't even know why you guys
Keep me around.
43
00:01:54,914 --> 00:02:00,253
Ohhhh, yeah.
44
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:06,826
♪ baby, baby, baby, baby
[ gasps ]
45
00:02:06,893 --> 00:02:09,228
♪ mm
Don't talk like that.
46
00:02:09,294 --> 00:02:11,231
You're a critical component of
This team.
47
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:11,965
Right, fellas?
48
00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:12,665
Absolutely, uh-huh.
49
00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:13,800
Yeah. Sure.
50
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:16,669
I guess whoever we fight next
Better watch out for the
51
00:02:16,736 --> 00:02:17,770
Black widow, huh?!
52
00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:18,972
All: yeah!
53
00:02:19,038 --> 00:02:22,041
Black widow's gone now, but
She leaves behind the gift of
54
00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:24,644
Knowledge -- the knowledge that
You cannot defeat
55
00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:27,714
Demogorge the god-eater with a
Karate kick.
56
00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:30,216
But I almost got him with my
Arrows.
57
00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:32,085
Right -- right, guys?
58
00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:34,454
[ sobs ]
What am I saying?!
59
00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:37,991
I don't even know why you guys
Keep me around!
60
00:02:38,057 --> 00:02:48,801
♪ ooh, ooh, oh, oh, oh
Ohhh, yeah.
61
00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:51,704
Next thursday on nbs...
62
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:52,704
Flatline!
63
00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:54,007
We're losing him!
64
00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:54,874
O-o-o-ouch!
65
00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:57,442
...A suicide victim will be
Saved...
66
00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,646
[ gasps ]
Hooray! He's alive!
67
00:02:59,712 --> 00:03:01,014
Damn it! I'm alive!
68
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:05,084
...By the hospital's most
Talented physician.
69
00:03:05,151 --> 00:03:08,454
But when dr. E.T.'s old demons
Come back to haunt him...
70
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,423
I'll put it ri-I-I-ght here.
71
00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:13,092
Hey, prick, that's my
Girlfriend!
72
00:03:13,159 --> 00:03:15,295
Step off.
73
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:16,195
O-o-ouch!
74
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:18,631
...He'll face his greatest
Challenge yet.
75
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:19,599
He's dying.
76
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,200
You have to do something...
77
00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:22,368
Doctor.
78
00:03:22,435 --> 00:03:25,038
I'll be ri-I-I-I-ght back.
79
00:03:25,103 --> 00:03:28,007
[ metal clatters, door closes ]
Hey, that's my bike!
80
00:03:28,074 --> 00:03:29,208
Step off, bro.
81
00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:33,780
[ bicycle bell dinging ]
82
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:37,517
Thursday on an all-new
"E.T. -- emergency terrestrial."
83
00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:38,918
[ laughing ] Yeah!
84
00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:40,053
Bachelor party!
85
00:03:40,119 --> 00:03:43,823
I'm buying you a lap dance,
Buddy!
86
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,793
[ bell above door jingles ]
You wait right there, harry.
87
00:03:46,859 --> 00:03:49,862
I'm gonna change into something
More comfortable.
88
00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:51,898
Dongus stoutus!
89
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:54,100
[ sighs ] Oh, come on.
90
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,069
Uh, beefus girthus?
91
00:03:56,135 --> 00:03:57,537
Poleus maximus?
92
00:03:57,603 --> 00:03:59,272
Aaaaaah!
93
00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:01,708
[ cellphone vibrates ]
94
00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:06,212
[ cellphone bloops ]
95
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:10,717
Stalkus minimus!
96
00:04:10,783 --> 00:04:11,751
Stalkus minimus!
97
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:13,720
Stalkus minimus!
98
00:04:13,786 --> 00:04:17,023
Now let me see what the
Famous harry potter's packing.
99
00:04:17,089 --> 00:04:18,391
[ chuckles ]
[ gasps ]
100
00:04:18,457 --> 00:04:20,760
Why do you have a vadge?
101
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:29,035
[ video game music ]
[ sproing! Sproing! Sproing! ]
102
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,004
I-is he gone?
103
00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:32,338
Oh, phew!
104
00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:34,340
Dude's a fucking stalker.
105
00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:35,975
[ gasps ] The royal family!
106
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:37,310
They're coming our way!
107
00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:39,545
Ohh, aren't they just
Adorable?
108
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:41,214
Greatest...Moment...
109
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:42,181
Of my life.
110
00:04:42,248 --> 00:04:44,417
Oh, and I've been totally
Needing a new bra.
111
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:45,685
What are you -- aah!
112
00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:46,753
Both: aaaaah!
113
00:04:46,819 --> 00:04:48,254
[ gasps ] I want one!
114
00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:49,389
Mommy! Daddy!
115
00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:52,291
[ snaps! ]
Check it out -- pasties!
116
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:54,894
Aaaagh!
117
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:58,231
[ gagging ]
Now, girls, remember, we're
118
00:04:58,297 --> 00:04:59,799
Only here to browse.
119
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:01,200
[ whining ] Daddy, no!
120
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:02,769
I want them!
121
00:05:02,835 --> 00:05:03,603
You heard me!
122
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:04,303
Let's go!
123
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,805
[ crying ] This is so unfair.
124
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:08,307
It's like he doesn't even care
How cruel he is!
125
00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:10,410
[ sighs ]
[ choking ]
126
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:13,312
[ coughs ]
Godzilla has left the nation
127
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:14,013
In ruins!
128
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:14,847
Oh, no!
129
00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:17,250
California's most treasured
Landmark!
130
00:05:17,316 --> 00:05:18,384
Oh, no!
131
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:20,653
California's most treasured
Landmark despite what those
132
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,488
A-holes down in los angeles
Think.
133
00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:24,891
Godzilla is pulling some hot
Stripper-pole action on the
134
00:05:24,957 --> 00:05:27,260
Sears tower or whatever the
Fuck we call it these days.
135
00:05:27,326 --> 00:05:27,827
What is it?
136
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:28,895
Wil-- willis tower?
137
00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:30,496
I'm hearing willis tower.
138
00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:34,033
And after destroying
Manhattan, godzilla is finally
139
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,568
Headed back out to sea.
140
00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:36,202
Oh!
141
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,371
Total dick move by godzilla.
142
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:39,706
Nowhere near water is safe!
143
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:43,209
It has never been a better
Time to be a landlocked state.
144
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,344
Tourism here in des moines is
Through the roof!
145
00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:46,145
We're all rich!
146
00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:47,814
[ cheers and applause ]
[ dialing ]
147
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,249
This is the mayor's
Assistant, mr. G.
148
00:05:50,316 --> 00:05:52,151
Your check is in the mail.
149
00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:55,154
Ha ha ha ha!
150
00:05:55,221 --> 00:05:58,591
Oh, how the hell am I supposed
To cash this?
151
00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:02,328
Disneyland is a magical place
That's fun for the whole family.
152
00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:03,796
Even teenagers.
153
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,999
Because at disneyland, there are
Dozens of secret places for
154
00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:09,302
Young people to give each other
Hand jobs.
155
00:06:09,368 --> 00:06:12,305
Come ride "The many adventures
Of winnie the pooh."
156
00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:15,775
And when you exit, make a left
At the water fountain and find
157
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:18,578
The perfect nook to give or
Receive a hand job.
158
00:06:18,644 --> 00:06:22,181
Fill your hand job passport with
Stamps from locations like...
159
00:06:22,248 --> 00:06:24,884
Behind the dumpster next to the
Matterhorn.
160
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:28,254
Under the baby-changing station
In critter country.
161
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:31,724
Or under the president's desk in
"Great moments with
162
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:32,992
Mr. Lincoln."
163
00:06:33,058 --> 00:06:34,727
Because as walt disney said...
164
00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:37,530
Disneyland is the happiest
Place on earth...
165
00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:41,734
For teenagers to jizz all over
Each other's young, aryan hands.
166
00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:45,872
[ crow cawing ]
167
00:06:45,938 --> 00:06:49,108
Presto changeo!
168
00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:54,747
Ugh, I said presto changeo, not
Pesto changeo!
169
00:06:55,114 --> 00:06:58,217
And that's when the female
Starbuck got in the shower with
170
00:06:58,284 --> 00:06:58,584
Me.
171
00:06:58,651 --> 00:06:59,585
Ooh!
172
00:06:59,652 --> 00:07:01,721
But from the neck down, she
Was dirk benedict.
173
00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:02,588
Ooh.
174
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:04,557
And when I woke up, I still
Had wood.
175
00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:05,224
Ooh.
176
00:07:05,291 --> 00:07:07,827
Watch me scare those nerds!
177
00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:11,397
[ grunting ]
Munson!
178
00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:14,901
Munson might be going to prison.
179
00:07:14,967 --> 00:07:16,202
[ gasps ] Dirk benedict!
180
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,004
Ow!
181
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:20,606
Where is everybody?
182
00:07:20,673 --> 00:07:22,508
Hello-o-o-o?
183
00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:25,144
"Don't dead, open inside."
184
00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:29,482
[ laughs ]
Epic typography fail.
185
00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:33,152
Oh, my gosh, that's courtney!
186
00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:34,053
Aah!
187
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:34,821
Aaaaah!
188
00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:35,555
Oh, phew.
189
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:36,856
You're not a walker.
190
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:38,090
What? I-I'm not a what?
191
00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:40,426
It means zombie without
Having to say "Zombie."
192
00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:42,628
It's just one of the little
Details that makes
193
00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:44,697
Robert kirkman's
"The walking dead" such an
194
00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:46,532
Intelligent and original --
Aah!
195
00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:47,767
Come with me!
196
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:50,269
Apocalyptic crises tend to break
Down social barriers, so it's
197
00:07:50,336 --> 00:07:52,605
Totally likely that you and I
Will fall in love.
198
00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:53,506
Whoa!
199
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:55,007
Wait, wait, wait.
200
00:07:55,074 --> 00:07:56,709
I'm all yours, boys!
201
00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:57,844
Aah!
202
00:07:57,909 --> 00:07:59,212
Oh, dang.
203
00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:01,247
What caused the zombie outbreak?
204
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,750
Let's consult the zombie
Backstory generator!
205
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:05,651
"Supervirus."
206
00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:06,819
Oh, wait a minute.
207
00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:08,354
They all say "Supervirus."
208
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:10,656
[ gunshots ]
Munson!
209
00:08:10,723 --> 00:08:12,525
Those used to be people, you
Monster!
210
00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:14,293
Don't use them for target
Practice!
211
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,697
Wipe the crap out of your
Eyes, dickstain.
212
00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:19,131
That's my mom's car!
213
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:20,066
Knock it off!
214
00:08:20,132 --> 00:08:22,535
[ handcuffs click ]
Uh-oh!
215
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,003
Oh, come on!
216
00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:26,806
[ zombies growling ]
All those gunshots attracted
217
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:27,440
Them!
218
00:08:27,506 --> 00:08:28,707
We need to get out of here!
219
00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:29,942
Hey, turd burglars!
220
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,411
Oh, yeah! The key!
221
00:08:32,477 --> 00:08:37,383
[ growls ]
Hey, throw me that hacksaw!
222
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:38,717
Thanks!
223
00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:39,418
Munson!
224
00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:40,919
Throw me another hacksaw.
225
00:08:40,986 --> 00:08:42,520
There are no more hacksaws.
226
00:08:42,587 --> 00:08:43,890
This is all we have left.
227
00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:46,926
How the fuck does this
Help me?
228
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:49,562
How did they get out of this
On "The walking dead"?
229
00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:51,364
Well, actually, in episode
Three --
230
00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:52,698
No, no, no, don't tell me!
231
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:55,601
I still have like a zillion
Episodes on my dvr!
232
00:08:55,668 --> 00:08:58,571
Oh, man, I bet the show has tons
Of clever tips for defeating
233
00:08:58,638 --> 00:08:59,105
Zombies.
234
00:08:59,171 --> 00:08:59,972
We do!
235
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:01,073
Both: wow!
236
00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:05,177
"Walking dead" creator
Robert kirkman!
237
00:09:05,244 --> 00:09:08,180
So...Can we have a tip?
238
00:09:08,247 --> 00:09:09,448
Here's a tip.
239
00:09:09,515 --> 00:09:12,251
Season two of "The walking dead"
Is now available on blu-ray and
240
00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:12,985
Dvd!
241
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:14,720
Aah! Ow! Ow! Aah!
242
00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:16,555
Oh! Wait a minute!
243
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:18,791
I never wanted to see what that
Looks like!
244
00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:20,426
Aaah!
245
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:22,028
Uh-oh.
246
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:25,298
[ grunts ]
Ew!
247
00:09:25,364 --> 00:09:26,365
Gross!
248
00:09:26,432 --> 00:09:29,902
[ zombies sniffing ]
It's like zombie camouflage.
249
00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:33,339
Just keep acting like zombies --
No matter what.
250
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,241
Oh, hey there, courtney!
251
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,710
Meeeeeeh, meeeh.
252
00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:40,613
Uhhhh...
253
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,615
Meeeeeeeh!
254
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:48,354
Uhhhhh...
255
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,924
[ discordant tones play ]
256
00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:54,026
I can't believe you're gonna
257
00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:55,528
Nail a cheerleader tonight!
258
00:09:55,594 --> 00:09:59,198
I wonder if zombie boobs
Still feel like boobs.
259
00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:01,667
I call dibs.
260
00:10:01,734 --> 00:10:02,601
Ugh.
261
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:04,337
Anyone have a ziploc?
262
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♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
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♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
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00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:11,143
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
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00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:13,312
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
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♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
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00:10:15,514 --> 00:10:17,650
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
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Ba-gawk! Bawk.
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00:10:21,587 --> 00:10:22,621
Hey, everyone.
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I just want to apologize for the
Joke about the pesto.
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I had dinner with my parents the
Night before and my dad made the
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Joke about "Pesto changeo!"
And then he said, "Hey, you
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Should put that into your act."
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00:10:31,764 --> 00:10:32,932
And I said, "Ha, ha, yeah."
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You know, like I'm being polite.
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00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,936
But then my mama cornered me
Later and she said it would
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Really mean a lot to him, so I
Caved.
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00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,507
But this is my career, you know,
And you guys deserve better.
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00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:43,442
So, again, I apologize.
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00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:45,177
That was a-terrible.
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00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:46,846
I'm-a so sorry.
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