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1
00:00:05,138 --> 00:00:08,975
[ thunder crashes ]
[ laughs evilly ]
2
00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:11,010
[ sawing ]
[ electricity crackles ]
3
00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:19,919
It's alive!
4
00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:32,564
[ thunder crashes ]
[ laughs evilly ]
5
00:00:32,631 --> 00:00:38,238
[ smooch! ]
[ laughs evilly ]
6
00:00:38,304 --> 00:00:40,774
I saw springsteen from the
Back row, and he still crushed
7
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:41,474
It.
8
00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:42,575
Shame about clarence clemons.
9
00:00:42,642 --> 00:00:44,944
Eh, saxophone is like the
Parsley of rock 'n' roll.
10
00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:47,247
A normal conversation between
Two men.
11
00:00:47,313 --> 00:00:49,416
But is it normal? No!
12
00:00:49,482 --> 00:00:52,085
Because...Their dicks are out.
13
00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:56,856
We meet again, ryu, only this
Time we fight to the death!
14
00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:57,690
Actually, no.
15
00:00:57,757 --> 00:00:58,591
It's to knockout.
16
00:00:58,658 --> 00:00:59,659
Best two out of three.
17
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:00,493
Remember?
18
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,061
It was...All...Covered in the
Packet.
19
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:03,396
Um, sorry. The what, now?
20
00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:05,565
The packet I spent weeks
Putting together?
21
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:06,833
You don't have your packet?
22
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:07,767
Oh, right! Right!
23
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:08,601
No, I have it.
24
00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:10,637
Yeah, it's just, uh -- it's in
The bag.
25
00:01:10,703 --> 00:01:12,772
[ cellphone rings ]
Yeah?
26
00:01:12,839 --> 00:01:15,375
Well, ken, if your opponent's
Late, you give him a call.
27
00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:17,277
There's a contact sheet in the
Packet.
28
00:01:17,343 --> 00:01:19,946
Let's see -- contact sheet,
Contact sheet...
29
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:21,080
No, I don't see it.
30
00:01:21,146 --> 00:01:23,249
You must have forgotten to put
It in.
31
00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:24,884
Fine. I'll get it for you.
32
00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:26,486
[ cellphone beeps ]
Hold on.
33
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:27,821
What's the problem, guile?
34
00:01:27,887 --> 00:01:31,390
I'll tell you the problem --
E. Honda's venue is a bathhouse,
35
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:34,461
Like a full-on "We're all guys
Here, so let's get naked"
36
00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:35,228
Bathhouse.
37
00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:36,062
What?
38
00:01:36,128 --> 00:01:38,131
In my culture, it's a familiar
Setting.
39
00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:40,366
And no one told me I'd be
Fighting with all these sushi
40
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:41,501
Rolls hanging out!
41
00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:43,369
It was all described in the
Pa-- oh, hold on a minute.
42
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,205
What is it?
43
00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:48,174
[ screams ]
No! Don't you scream at me.
44
00:01:48,241 --> 00:01:51,878
It's specifically noted that
Your hotel doesn't allow pets.
45
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,378
We -- ohh! What?!
46
00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:54,881
It's been 20 minutes.
47
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,783
I don't think e. Honda's coming.
48
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:57,650
E. Honda?
49
00:01:57,717 --> 00:01:59,485
You're not fighting e. Honda.
50
00:01:59,551 --> 00:02:01,020
You're fighting a honda.
51
00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:02,088
I'm fighting a car?
52
00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:03,022
Yes.
53
00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:04,757
That's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
54
00:02:04,824 --> 00:02:06,159
It was in the packet!
55
00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:07,426
You know what?
56
00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:10,096
From now on, you lose your
Packet, you are out of the
57
00:02:10,163 --> 00:02:10,864
Tournament.
58
00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:11,798
Fine, fine.
59
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,066
I'm punching the car.
60
00:02:13,132 --> 00:02:14,667
Oh. He's not hitting back.
61
00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:15,602
How exciting!
62
00:02:15,668 --> 00:02:17,770
Wow. What a great idea.
63
00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:19,606
Hey...Hey, this is kind of fun.
64
00:02:19,672 --> 00:02:20,874
Shoryuken!
65
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:24,544
[ glass shatters ]
[ metal clangs ]
66
00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:25,778
Shoryuken!
67
00:02:25,845 --> 00:02:26,779
Tiger! Tiger!
68
00:02:26,846 --> 00:02:28,715
[ boom! ]
[ grunting ] Oh, man!
69
00:02:28,781 --> 00:02:31,584
I accidentally just
Tiger-punched my packet, dude!
70
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,720
[ chuckles ]
That is classic sagat.
71
00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:36,122
I mean, I don't know what
Happened there.
72
00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:37,790
[ cellphone rings ]
This better be good,
73
00:02:37,857 --> 00:02:38,625
M. Bison.
74
00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:43,530
I think I got the wrong
Packet, man.
75
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:45,198
Where I come from, pop means
Soda.
76
00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:47,834
That reminds me of the time I
Drank 20 sodas in an hour back
77
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:49,002
In college.
78
00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:50,537
Don't even get me started on
The college days.
79
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,939
"Saved by the bell: the
College years" was my favorite
80
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:53,840
Show.
81
00:02:53,906 --> 00:02:56,376
Both: [ laugh ]
We must hide from the
82
00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:57,110
Autobots.
83
00:02:57,176 --> 00:03:00,780
Quickly, megatron! In here!
84
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:07,353
[ techno music plays ]
Aah!
85
00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:08,588
Where's our escort?
86
00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:10,723
The germans are cutting us to
Pieces!
87
00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:11,925
We're saved, boys!
88
00:03:11,991 --> 00:03:13,927
Here come the red tails!
89
00:03:13,993 --> 00:03:16,563
[ as humphrey bogart ]
Somebody order some backup,
90
00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:17,297
Sweethearts?
91
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:18,231
Wait a minute!
92
00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:19,599
Those aren't the red tails!
93
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:20,934
Those are the shirt tales!
94
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,302
Let's go get them, guys!
95
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:22,969
Doing!
96
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,270
Oh, goodness.
97
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:25,704
I sure hope we win.
98
00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:30,343
Digger, they're on our side!
99
00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:33,012
Eh?
100
00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:34,013
Digger, no!
101
00:03:34,079 --> 00:03:35,781
Whoo-hoo! I'm killing it!
102
00:03:35,848 --> 00:03:37,317
We've been had, boys.
103
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:40,720
The shirt tales are working for
The jerries.
104
00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:44,824
[ whimpers ]
Wait, wait.
105
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,359
We're on your side, sweethearts!
106
00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:49,028
That jerry's trying to fool
Us with a humphrey bogart
107
00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:50,029
Impression, boys.
108
00:03:50,096 --> 00:03:52,365
No mercy!
109
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:55,034
[ grunts ]
We're americans!
110
00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:57,136
We're goddamn americans!
111
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:09,616
They were just zoo animals.
112
00:04:09,682 --> 00:04:13,886
How'd they even make it through
Ground school?
113
00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:15,822
[ shirts beep ]
Count of three, take
114
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:23,196
Bin laden alive if we can.
115
00:04:23,262 --> 00:04:24,697
One, two, three.
116
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,466
All: go, go, go, go, move!
117
00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:30,570
Commander?
118
00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:31,704
Lieutenant edwards.
119
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:33,206
Dead when we got here, sir.
120
00:04:33,272 --> 00:04:35,341
An auto-erotic asphyxiation
Accident.
121
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:36,509
He's...In a dress.
122
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:39,512
Well, that's when you choke
Yourself to cut off the blood
123
00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:41,981
Supply to your brain as you
Masturbate, sir.
124
00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:43,182
It intensifies orgasm.
125
00:04:43,249 --> 00:04:45,752
Oh, it does, but it's dangerous,
Sir, obviously.
126
00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:48,788
Yes, I do understand how it
Would look if the history books
127
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,824
Told future generations that a
Porn-loving jerkoff enthusiast
128
00:04:51,891 --> 00:04:54,761
Had gotten the upper hand on
America, yeah.
129
00:04:54,827 --> 00:04:56,896
Understood. Yes, sir.
130
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:57,697
Move it, people.
131
00:04:57,764 --> 00:04:58,831
Come on! Go, go, go, go.
132
00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:02,502
Go, go, go, go, go.
133
00:05:02,568 --> 00:05:05,071
Sal, I don't know how I'm
Gonna do it, but I'm gonna
134
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,239
Fuck that thing.
135
00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:09,676
Everything in the heavens is
Here, moving as the heavens
136
00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:10,743
Move.
137
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:13,513
This predicts the coming of
The great conjunction?
138
00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:14,213
No!
139
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,015
This tracks aughra's ovulation.
140
00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:18,251
Not many more chances has
Aughra.
141
00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:21,888
She must find a man before the
Great moon sets in the east.
142
00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:24,357
What does this have to do
With me?
143
00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:27,126
I think you know all too
Well, gelfling.
144
00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:29,062
Ohh. You've got crabs.
145
00:05:29,128 --> 00:05:31,130
Oh, but I use the cream!
146
00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:32,765
Quick! Come with me!
147
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,935
I'll protect you and your
Precious seed.
148
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,036
Uh...
149
00:05:38,771 --> 00:05:41,541
I'd like the morning-after
Pill, please.
150
00:05:41,607 --> 00:05:45,712
King don, you have driven our
Lands into ruin and bankruptcy.
151
00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:49,649
Given that you are a talking
Snack cake, I suppose we should
152
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:51,284
Not have been surprised.
153
00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:53,119
To the guillotine with him!
154
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:56,656
[ crowd cheers ]
[ grunts ]
155
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:57,724
He doesn't fit!
156
00:05:57,790 --> 00:05:59,859
Oh, is this really not
Happening?
157
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:02,128
We'll do this the
Old-fashioned way.
158
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,730
Off with his head!
159
00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:04,897
Uh, head?
160
00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:08,901
Just cut him in half
Somewhere above the arms!
161
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:10,903
Well, it's not gonna be one
Clean stroke.
162
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:11,904
This could get messy.
163
00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:15,708
I have a royal
Proclamation -- you are all dumb
164
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:18,578
Fucks
All right, all right.
165
00:06:18,644 --> 00:06:20,680
New plan. Any last words?
166
00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:22,548
I fucked your sister.
167
00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:23,950
Let's do it!
168
00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:25,885
[ horses neigh ]
Hmm.
169
00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:32,391
Uh, you don't suppose he really
Fucked my sister, do you?
170
00:06:32,457 --> 00:06:35,128
[ screams ]
How are you still alive?!
171
00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:36,462
I'm 80% preservatives.
172
00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:38,064
I'm essentially immortal.
173
00:06:40,633 --> 00:06:43,870
The rebel leader's sister, as
You requested, your majesty.
174
00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:47,173
This is less about sex and
More about tying up loose ends.
175
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,107
Wow.
176
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:50,243
What a staggeringly unromantic
Thing to say.
177
00:06:50,308 --> 00:06:52,578
Eh. I'm a talking snack cake.
178
00:06:52,645 --> 00:06:55,014
Johnny! Time for dinner!
179
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,350
Oh, boy! Chicken night!
180
00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:59,986
What johnny's mother doesn't
Know is that every wednesday
181
00:07:00,052 --> 00:07:02,655
Night when she serves chicken,
Johnny imagines he's eating the
182
00:07:02,722 --> 00:07:04,490
Cast of the disney cartoon
"Ducktales."
183
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:06,659
Who's laughing now,
Launchpad?
184
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:07,894
You freaking idiot.
185
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,028
What was that, dear?
186
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,029
Nothing, mom!
187
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,831
Hey, let's grab dinner while
We're out, honey.
188
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:12,999
It's -- ugh!
189
00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:13,499
Oh, man.
190
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:14,066
Honey?!
191
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:15,101
Honey, where'd you go?!
192
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:16,435
What? Baby, I'm right here.
193
00:07:16,502 --> 00:07:17,270
Oh, dear lord.
194
00:07:17,336 --> 00:07:18,571
You're looking right at me.
195
00:07:18,638 --> 00:07:19,472
I can't see you!
196
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:20,139
Here I am!
197
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:21,374
Here, baby! I'm right here!
198
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,310
I'm being attacked by some
Sort of poltergeist!
199
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:27,647
Aah!
200
00:07:27,713 --> 00:07:30,750
Previously on
"The fattest fat loser," the
201
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:32,351
Contestants got real.
202
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:35,688
Moi has always considered
Moi's self pleasantly plump.
203
00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:38,191
That is until I shattered
Kermit's pelvis.
204
00:07:38,257 --> 00:07:40,459
[ screams ]
Get off of me you fucking
205
00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:41,694
Wildebeest!
206
00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:44,030
[ italian accent ] My brother
Luigi and me -- we used to be
207
00:07:44,096 --> 00:07:44,931
The same.
208
00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:46,732
But after a few years...
209
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:51,170
If I don't change my ways, this
Is what the doctors project I
210
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:52,438
Will look like.
211
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:56,509
I've gained so much weight, I
Can't even fit in rabbit's hole
212
00:07:56,576 --> 00:07:57,844
Anymore.
213
00:07:57,909 --> 00:07:59,011
What?
214
00:07:59,078 --> 00:08:02,415
I just want to lick my balls
One more time or at least be
215
00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:03,683
Able to see them.
216
00:08:03,749 --> 00:08:06,485
Wait, wait -- I mean, I hate
Mondays.
217
00:08:06,552 --> 00:08:10,156
♪ follow your heart
♪ baby, you're a star
218
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:15,394
♪ a disgusting fat star
"The fattest fat loser."
219
00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:18,164
[ fart! ]
Gross!
220
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,666
I've made little girls
Self-conscious about their
221
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:21,667
Bodies for decades.
222
00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:24,303
That makes me the perfect
Trainer for this show.
223
00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:28,107
Of course, I am hungry all the
Time, so I can get a little
224
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:28,975
Irritable.
225
00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:30,743
Double time, super lardio!
226
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:32,578
I can-a do this all day!
227
00:08:32,645 --> 00:08:34,647
Then why are you still fat?!
228
00:08:34,713 --> 00:08:35,448
So sorry.
229
00:08:35,514 --> 00:08:37,984
Follow your dreams, you fat
Fuck
230
00:08:38,049 --> 00:08:38,717
Sorry!
231
00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:40,620
Find your shining star!
232
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,688
Vous would like to spar with
Moi?
233
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:45,024
[ chuckles ]
I am a 4th-degree black belt,
234
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:46,192
Sweetie.
235
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,761
You have to shatter their
Delusions before you can reach
236
00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:51,964
Them, the way my delusion of
Ever eating another tiramisu was
237
00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:53,232
Shattered at age 12!
238
00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:56,535
If you thought fitness-trainer
Barbie was a hard-ass, you
239
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:58,204
Haven't seen kung-fu barbie.
240
00:08:58,271 --> 00:08:59,105
Oh, yeah?!
241
00:08:59,171 --> 00:09:00,206
[ grunts ]
[ whimpers ]
242
00:09:06,078 --> 00:09:08,714
[ crack! ]
Oh, moi has to go to the
243
00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:09,682
Bathroom!
244
00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:12,018
I don't care how you lose
Weight.
245
00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:13,586
[ grunts ]
[ farts ]
246
00:09:13,653 --> 00:09:16,289
We've had a real breakthrough
Here today, miss piggy!
247
00:09:16,355 --> 00:09:18,524
[ whimpers ]
You'll push a wheelbarrow
248
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:21,360
Full of your trigger food up to
The top of this hill, where
249
00:09:21,427 --> 00:09:24,497
You'll dump your payload into
The fire, symbolically saying
250
00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:27,700
Goodbye to your former fat-ass
Lives and giving you the
251
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:30,603
Strength to leave your
Co-dependent relationship.
252
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,738
[ chuckles ]
You hear that, ken?!
253
00:09:32,805 --> 00:09:34,340
I don't need you anymore!
254
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,275
[ chuckles ]
Please call me.
255
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:40,713
Last fall, eeyore lost his
Long battle with depression.
256
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,149
For you, eeyore!
257
00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:50,823
Hung himself with his own tail.
258
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:53,492
And...Go!
259
00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:55,561
Wow! I'm in the lead!
260
00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:57,296
I hav lost weight.
261
00:09:57,363 --> 00:10:00,666
This is rewriting the book on
Mondays.
262
00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:04,337
Oh! My balls!
263
00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:07,340
H-hey! There's nothing in here!
264
00:10:07,406 --> 00:10:10,009
Jon, you mondayed my balls!
265
00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:14,947
Both: [ panting ]
[ grunts ]
266
00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:16,048
I won! I won!
267
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,084
Whew! I'm roasting out here.
268
00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:19,218
[ sniffs ] Oh!
269
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:21,420
Is-a that-a my mama's
Prosciutto?
270
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:23,322
Just-a one taste, mama!
271
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:24,623
I want a bite!
272
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:26,792
No! This is my prosciutto, mama!
273
00:10:26,859 --> 00:10:28,627
Oh, stuff and fluff!
274
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:30,463
Wait!
275
00:10:30,529 --> 00:10:31,897
Let-a her cook.
276
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:35,634
Well, she does smell
Delicious.
277
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:41,207
Miss piggy, your final
Weight loss is 174 pounds!
278
00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:47,046
The rest of you have gained a
Combined 174 pounds.
279
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:52,051
Miss piggy, you are the fattest
Fat loser!
280
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:56,589
[ fart! ]
Gross!
281
00:10:56,655 --> 00:11:00,426
♪ lift up your dreams and
Follow your heart ♪
282
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:09,135
♪ baby, you're a star
♪ a disgusting fat star
283
00:11:09,201 --> 00:11:11,170
[ fart! ]
Gross!
19708
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