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WEBVTT
00:00:04.971 --> 00:00:12.971 line:20%
[ thunder crashing ]
[ drilling, sawing ]
00:00:16.049 --> 00:00:24.049 position:20% line:20%
[ electricity crackling ]
it's alive!
00:00:30.997 --> 00:00:38.271 position:20% line:20%
[ electricity crackling ]
it's alive!
00:00:38.338 --> 00:00:44.110 line:20%
>> and now the secret origin of
Mo-larr, eternian dentist!
00:00:44.177 --> 00:00:48.715
Moe larrstein was just an
Average citizen until, one
00:00:48.782 --> 00:00:50.183
Fateful day...
00:00:50.250 --> 00:00:54.587
[ school bell rings ]
The day he took his s.A.T.S!
00:00:54.654 --> 00:00:57.490 position:20%
[ ding! ]
With a math score of 520, the
00:00:57.557 --> 00:01:01.628 position:20%
University of eternia was
Marginally impressed.
00:01:01.694 --> 00:01:04.697 line:20%
Acceptance!
00:01:04.764 --> 00:01:10.370 position:20%
Now there was only one thing
Left to do... apply for a
00:01:10.437 --> 00:01:13.106
Student loan!
00:01:13.173 --> 00:01:17.076 position:20%
An unsubsidized loan was
Available at a rate of 6.8%.
00:01:17.143 --> 00:01:21.147 position:20%
But in the most dramatic twist
Yet, moe qualified for a
00:01:21.214 --> 00:01:25.752 position:20%
Subsidized federal loan at a
Rate of 5.6%!
00:01:25.819 --> 00:01:30.290
Moe suddenly realized that his
Student loan was tax-deductible.
00:01:30.356 --> 00:01:34.127
His deduction could be claimed
Whether or not he itemized said
00:01:34.194 --> 00:01:37.997
Deductions, as long as he used
The proceeds from the loans for
00:01:38.064 --> 00:01:41.901
Qualified education expenses,
Such as room, board, tuition,
00:01:41.968 --> 00:01:44.170
Fees, books, and other supplies.
00:01:44.237 --> 00:01:48.541
His deductions were valid, but
Only if he attended classes at
00:01:48.608 --> 00:01:52.946
Least part-time in a recognized
And accredited program!
00:01:53.012 --> 00:01:57.050 position:20%
When we return, learn which of
Mo-larr's credits transferred to
00:01:57.116 --> 00:01:58.184
His new school.
00:01:58.251 --> 00:02:00.920
The answers will shock you.
00:02:02.522 --> 00:02:05.859
And I'm also a client.
00:02:05.925 --> 00:02:08.495 position:20%
>> and now a sneak peek at
"Transformers 3."
00:02:08.561 --> 00:02:09.629
careful, sam.
00:02:09.696 --> 00:02:14.067 position:20%
If megatron gets the allspark,
He will rule the entire
00:02:14.133 --> 00:02:15.869 position:20%
Universe.
00:02:15.935 --> 00:02:20.240 position:20%
Or it might kill him and then
Possibly raise him from the
00:02:20.306 --> 00:02:22.342 position:20%
Dead.
00:02:22.408 --> 00:02:25.678
Frankly, sam, I don't [bleep]
Know what the allspark does.
00:02:25.745 --> 00:02:27.914 line:20%
>> starts friday.
00:02:27.981 --> 00:02:30.416 position:20%
>> so, after you discarded the
Official massachusetts
00:02:30.483 --> 00:02:32.819 position:20%
Curriculum, what did you teach
Your science class?
00:02:32.886 --> 00:02:35.421 position:20%
>> well, I simply told my
Students that when you study how
00:02:35.488 --> 00:02:37.957 position:20%
The pieces of our world fit
Together, it's obvious it was
00:02:38.024 --> 00:02:39.826 position:20%
Made by a higher creative
Intelligence.
00:02:39.893 --> 00:02:44.464
[ jurors booing ]
he's a monster!
00:02:44.531 --> 00:02:45.398
No, please!
00:02:45.465 --> 00:02:46.566
I don't want this!
00:02:46.633 --> 00:02:47.534 position:20%
Aah!
00:02:47.600 --> 00:02:48.868
Now rub it in.
00:02:48.935 --> 00:02:50.303
Rub it in all over.
00:02:50.370 --> 00:02:52.438
[ crying ] >> oh, yeah.
00:02:52.505 --> 00:02:53.806
That's the stuff.
00:02:53.873 --> 00:02:55.775
Oh, yeah, I smell it.
00:02:55.842 --> 00:02:57.544
I can smell you from here.
00:02:57.610 --> 00:02:58.745
Oh, my goodness.
00:02:58.811 --> 00:03:02.348 position:20%
Oh, if I puncture you, you're
Gonna ooze juices.
00:03:02.415 --> 00:03:04.984 position:20%
>> and now a sneak peek at
"Transformers 3."
00:03:05.051 --> 00:03:06.819 position:20%
>> yo, dude, have you seen my
Teddy bear?
00:03:06.886 --> 00:03:08.421 position:20%
>> yeah, my mom said it was
Dirty.
00:03:08.488 --> 00:03:09.355
She was cleaning it.
00:03:09.422 --> 00:03:11.190 position:20%
>> dude, I had a bag of
Angel dust in there!
00:03:11.257 --> 00:03:12.125 position:20%
>> oh, no!
00:03:12.191 --> 00:03:13.793 position:20%
>> [ munching ] >> no, mom!
00:03:13.860 --> 00:03:15.895 position:20%
>> bargain gravy starlight
Pumpkin dollars!
00:03:15.962 --> 00:03:16.963
Mom, mom, mom, mom!
00:03:17.030 --> 00:03:18.865
Mom, you are talking crazy.
00:03:18.932 --> 00:03:21.467
Aaaaaaaaah!
00:03:21.534 --> 00:03:22.802 position:20%
>> mom!
00:03:22.869 --> 00:03:24.804 position:20%
>> unh!
00:03:26.839 --> 00:03:28.908 line:20%
>> starts friday.
00:03:28.975 --> 00:03:32.145
Well, I'd like to do that,
But it's against my religion,
00:03:32.211 --> 00:03:32.879 position:20%
You know.
00:03:32.946 --> 00:03:34.314 position:20%
>> [ oinks, scoffs ] >> raaaaah!
00:03:38.585 --> 00:03:43.756
Oh! You must be here for the...
raaaaaaaah!
00:03:43.823 --> 00:03:47.360 position:20%
Hey, feel free to look around
And...
00:03:47.427 --> 00:03:55.427
if you need any help carrying
The...
00:03:56.669 --> 00:04:00.440 position:20%
[ flames whoosh ]
who dares disturb the slumber
00:04:00.506 --> 00:04:01.874
Of the ancients?!
00:04:01.941 --> 00:04:04.110 position:20%
Prepare to be... Oh!
00:04:04.177 --> 00:04:05.178
You want that.
00:04:05.244 --> 00:04:06.412
Oh, heavens, yes.
00:04:06.479 --> 00:04:07.547
It's all yours.
00:04:07.614 --> 00:04:10.450 position:20%
In fact, if you'd like...
No way!
00:04:10.516 --> 00:04:13.019 position:20%
Tell me you did not just...
Oh, that is...
00:04:13.086 --> 00:04:14.954 position:20%
That's just spiteful is what
That is!
00:04:15.021 --> 00:04:15.755
You know what?
00:04:15.822 --> 00:04:16.956
[bleep] You, all right?
00:04:17.023 --> 00:04:20.293
Just [bleep] You!
00:04:20.360 --> 00:04:21.227
Hello, governor!
00:04:21.294 --> 00:04:23.229 position:20%
Ready for a new season of
Tracey ullman's
00:04:23.296 --> 00:04:24.230
"State of the union"?
00:04:24.297 --> 00:04:25.297
I can do impressions!
00:04:25.331 --> 00:04:26.331
"I am a jew."
00:04:26.366 --> 00:04:28.701
"Hey! I'm a cabbie!"
"I'm an angry lady!"
00:04:28.768 --> 00:04:30.703
It's wonderful!
00:04:33.606 --> 00:04:37.944
[ slow-motion ] I created
"The simpsons," sort of.
00:04:38.011 --> 00:04:43.149
This summer, prepare yourself
To feel...
00:04:43.216 --> 00:04:44.751
With tobey maguire...
00:04:44.817 --> 00:04:45.918
I love you, mom.
00:04:45.985 --> 00:04:47.420
And jake gyllenhaal.
00:04:47.487 --> 00:04:50.990
I also love you, mother.
00:04:51.057 --> 00:04:53.092 line:20%
Gene shalit says...
00:04:55.895 --> 00:04:56.596 line:20%
>> I miss her.
00:04:56.663 --> 00:04:58.598 line:20%
>> leonard maltin says...
00:05:00.233 --> 00:05:01.534
I also miss her.
00:05:01.601 --> 00:05:09.601 position:20%
>> viggo mortensen in
"Carlito's way" says...
00:05:10.576 --> 00:05:13.680
Don't miss...
00:05:13.746 --> 00:05:16.482 position:20%
>> and now a sneak peek at
"Transformers 3."
00:05:16.549 --> 00:05:18.389 position:20%
[ telephone rings ]
[ indian accent ] Hello.
00:05:18.418 --> 00:05:19.352
Customer support.
00:05:19.419 --> 00:05:21.030 position:20%
>> [ indian accent ] Where is
The nearest deli?
00:05:21.054 --> 00:05:24.691 position:20%
>> you mean an old deli or a
"New deli"?
00:05:24.757 --> 00:05:26.125
Thank you! Come again!
00:05:26.192 --> 00:05:29.762 position:20%
>> who wants to be a
Millionaire?!
00:05:29.829 --> 00:05:36.469
[ bollywood-style music plays ]
starts friday.
00:05:36.536 --> 00:05:39.105 position:20%
>> much appreciate you letting
Me stay here, son.
00:05:39.172 --> 00:05:42.041
I'm sure the bank just had some
Kind of computer snafu.
00:05:42.108 --> 00:05:43.676 position:20%
You know, that happens all the
Time.
00:05:43.743 --> 00:05:45.878
I'll be out of here in no time.
00:05:45.945 --> 00:05:48.381
If skeletor's army manages to
Breach the...
00:05:48.448 --> 00:05:51.184 position:20%
>> adam! Hey, check it out...
Cheese and crackers.
00:05:51.250 --> 00:05:52.385
I call 'em "Chackers."
00:05:52.452 --> 00:05:53.786
Who wants some chackers?
00:05:53.853 --> 00:05:54.954
Oh, the towel.
00:05:55.021 --> 00:05:57.890
Well, me and chackers here get a
Little crumby watching my
00:05:57.957 --> 00:05:59.525 position:20%
Stories.
00:05:59.592 --> 00:06:01.027
Ah, you guys are working.
00:06:01.094 --> 00:06:02.228
I'll be in the den.
00:06:02.295 --> 00:06:05.098
I have the power!
00:06:05.164 --> 00:06:06.999
But do you have the remote?
00:06:07.066 --> 00:06:07.834 position:20%
Ha ha!
00:06:07.900 --> 00:06:08.835
I was just joking.
00:06:08.901 --> 00:06:10.336
I thought it'd be, you know...
00:06:10.403 --> 00:06:11.771
Anyway, you're busy.
00:06:11.838 --> 00:06:15.908
[ roaring ] >> hey, adam!
00:06:15.975 --> 00:06:18.544 position:20%
I can't find discovery channel
For the life of me.
00:06:18.611 --> 00:06:19.611
Do we even get that?
00:06:19.645 --> 00:06:20.580
It's shark week!
00:06:20.646 --> 00:06:22.448 position:20%
♪ bum, bum, ba ♪
Love me some shark week.
00:06:22.515 --> 00:06:23.216
Never missed it.
00:06:23.282 --> 00:06:24.350
True story.
00:06:24.417 --> 00:06:26.261 position:20%
All right, if you think of the
Channel, give me a little
00:06:26.285 --> 00:06:26.886
Shouty-shout.
00:06:26.953 --> 00:06:28.254
Back to work.
00:06:28.321 --> 00:06:30.456
[ sighs ] Sack whack!
00:06:30.523 --> 00:06:34.093 position:20%
I'm sure you'll be happy here,
Dad.
00:06:34.160 --> 00:06:37.163
So, this is me placing an
Order for some spicy nachos,
00:06:37.230 --> 00:06:39.866
Some guacamole... wouldn't mind
That on the side.
00:06:39.932 --> 00:06:42.502 position:20%
If you don't mind, the mild
Kind, 'cause...
00:06:42.568 --> 00:06:45.538
you'll observe "Lights out,"
Or I'll knock your lights out.
00:06:45.605 --> 00:06:47.974
Take that in.
00:06:48.040 --> 00:06:50.810
[ door slams, locks ]
[ inhales deeply ]
00:06:50.877 --> 00:06:52.678 position:20%
[ sobbing ]
this might hurt a bit.
00:06:59.118 --> 00:06:59.819
I doubt it.
00:06:59.886 --> 00:07:02.221 position:20%
[ shudders ]
[ laughs evilly ]
00:07:02.288 --> 00:07:06.225 position:20%
Once I transfer my consciousness
Into a smurf body, I'll
00:07:06.292 --> 00:07:09.595 position:20%
Infiltrate their village and
Destroy them all.
00:07:09.662 --> 00:07:10.263 position:20%
>> meow?
00:07:10.329 --> 00:07:11.330
Will I what?
00:07:11.397 --> 00:07:12.231 position:20%
>> meow?
00:07:12.298 --> 00:07:14.667
Will I [bleep] Them before I
Eat them?
00:07:14.734 --> 00:07:15.734
Meow, meow.
00:07:15.768 --> 00:07:16.803
Oh, cook!
00:07:16.869 --> 00:07:18.971 position:20%
Will I cook them before I eat
Them?
00:07:19.038 --> 00:07:21.908 position:20%
[ both laugh ]
'cause I was like, "Oh..."
00:07:21.974 --> 00:07:24.911
I mean, you were almost looking
For a new apartment, man.
00:07:24.977 --> 00:07:26.512 position:20%
Seriously.
00:07:26.579 --> 00:07:28.514 position:20%
[ beeping ]
ah, damn. Lost already.
00:07:36.889 --> 00:07:38.791
[ wolf howls ]
What is that?!
00:07:38.858 --> 00:07:40.159
A wolf?! A fox?!
00:07:40.226 --> 00:07:44.530 position:20%
Some other "Party of five"
Actor?!
00:07:44.597 --> 00:07:47.200
And it's out of here!
00:07:47.266 --> 00:07:49.869 position:20%
[ imitates crowd cheering ]
Yes, now, where was I?
00:07:49.936 --> 00:07:51.871
Oh, yes, terrified.
00:07:56.142 --> 00:07:57.777 position:20%
I don't know what you're
Blurring out.
00:07:57.844 --> 00:08:00.246
Smurfs don't have nipples.
00:08:00.313 --> 00:08:03.583 position:20%
[ pop! ]
Not arousing.
00:08:03.649 --> 00:08:05.251
A new smurf?
00:08:05.318 --> 00:08:06.752
Most unusual.
00:08:06.819 --> 00:08:08.487
What is your name, outsider?
00:08:08.554 --> 00:08:09.989
Gargam... garga... uh...
00:08:10.056 --> 00:08:10.990
Gargle smurf.
00:08:11.057 --> 00:08:11.991
Oh, really?
00:08:12.058 --> 00:08:14.894 position:20%
Well, tell me... how did you
Smurf that name?
00:08:14.961 --> 00:08:18.664
If you're asking whether I
Will gargle your balls, sir, the
00:08:18.731 --> 00:08:19.632
Answer is no.
00:08:19.699 --> 00:08:20.699
Wha... moi?
00:08:20.733 --> 00:08:22.101
That wasn't what I meant at all.
00:08:22.168 --> 00:08:23.502
More like closet smurf!
00:08:23.569 --> 00:08:24.871
Then it's settled.
00:08:24.937 --> 00:08:28.407 position:20%
Gargle smurf must pass our tests
To become a member of our
00:08:28.474 --> 00:08:29.175 position:20%
Village.
00:08:29.242 --> 00:08:32.044
[ all cheering ]
And vanity's gay.
00:08:32.111 --> 00:08:35.781 position:20%
[ all cheering ]
"Smurf" is not only a noun
00:08:35.848 --> 00:08:38.951 position:20%
But also a verb, adjective,
Adsmurf, and a dangling
00:08:39.018 --> 00:08:39.919
Partismurfle.
00:08:39.986 --> 00:08:40.920
Now you try.
00:08:40.987 --> 00:08:42.355
Uh, the smurf...
00:08:42.421 --> 00:08:43.089 position:20%
>> yes.
00:08:43.155 --> 00:08:44.257
Smurfed...
00:08:44.323 --> 00:08:45.091 position:20%
>> mm-hmm.
00:08:45.157 --> 00:08:46.759
In a very smurfy...
00:08:46.826 --> 00:08:48.227 position:20%
>> mm.
00:08:48.294 --> 00:08:49.061
Smurf.
00:08:49.128 --> 00:08:51.230 position:20%
>> it's like you're not even
Trying!
00:08:51.297 --> 00:08:54.533 position:20%
>> now you must tame your very
Own smurf-eating bird.
00:08:54.600 --> 00:08:56.636 position:20%
>> did somebody say
"Smurf-eating?"
00:08:56.702 --> 00:08:57.703
both: shut up!
00:08:57.770 --> 00:09:01.474 position:20%
[ zing! ]
[ bird roars ]
00:09:01.540 --> 00:09:04.911
you can do it, gargle!
00:09:04.977 --> 00:09:06.345
I smurfed it!
00:09:06.412 --> 00:09:07.546
I smurfed it!
00:09:07.613 --> 00:09:10.583
Aah! Aaaaaaaaaaah!
00:09:10.650 --> 00:09:13.586 position:20%
Aaaaaah!
00:09:13.653 --> 00:09:16.589 position:20%
It's trying to feed me to its
Young.
00:09:16.656 --> 00:09:18.824 position:20%
[ grunting ]
[ bones cracking ]
00:09:18.891 --> 00:09:20.626
Yeah, you won't get me.
00:09:20.693 --> 00:09:23.329
[ all cheering ]
I'm so proud!
00:09:23.396 --> 00:09:26.599
Your bird accepted you as one of
Its very own children.
00:09:26.666 --> 00:09:29.769 position:20%
Did you bond with your new
Brothers and sisters?
00:09:29.835 --> 00:09:30.937
I sure did.
00:09:31.003 --> 00:09:33.172 position:20%
>> ♪ chum, yum yum ♪
♪ chum yum ♪
00:09:33.239 --> 00:09:36.409 position:20%
♪ chum, yum yum ♪
smurfette, I have a
00:09:36.475 --> 00:09:37.410
Confession.
00:09:37.476 --> 00:09:38.477 position:20%
>> a what?
00:09:38.544 --> 00:09:40.046
A smurfession.
00:09:40.112 --> 00:09:41.113 position:20%
>> oh, my.
00:09:41.180 --> 00:09:43.683
I'm not really gargle smurf.
00:09:43.749 --> 00:09:46.185 position:20%
I'm... I'm gargamel.
00:09:46.252 --> 00:09:49.021 position:20%
[ record needle scratches ]
[ smurfs hissing ]
00:09:49.088 --> 00:09:50.022
Wait, wait!
00:09:50.089 --> 00:09:52.291
I see how wrong I was all these
Years!
00:09:52.358 --> 00:09:53.426
Let's hear him out!
00:09:53.492 --> 00:09:54.393
Hear him out?
00:09:54.460 --> 00:09:56.796
He ate farmer smurf last year!
00:09:56.862 --> 00:10:00.866 position:20%
>> in my other body, I was
Bitter and old, but here, I've
00:10:00.933 --> 00:10:03.002
Learned what it means to love.
00:10:03.069 --> 00:10:05.404
All: awwwwww!
00:10:05.471 --> 00:10:09.275 position:20%
>> can you find it in your
Hearts... To love me?
00:10:09.342 --> 00:10:10.343
All: awwww!
00:10:10.409 --> 00:10:13.446 position:20%
>> people, he beat clumsy to
Death with a pipe!
00:10:13.512 --> 00:10:16.182 position:20%
>> oh, you're going to be a
Great smurf.
00:10:16.248 --> 00:10:19.051 position:20%
>> smurfette, I finally feel
Like I belong!
00:10:19.118 --> 00:10:21.954 position:20%
No one's ever depended on me
Before.
00:10:22.021 --> 00:10:30.021 position:20% line:20%
[ flies buzzing ]
[ up-tempo music plays ]
00:10:32.999 --> 00:10:35.301 position:20%
[ telephone rings ]
hey, son!
00:10:35.368 --> 00:10:36.836 position:20%
Hey...
00:10:36.902 --> 00:10:38.337
I don't like it here.
00:10:38.404 --> 00:10:40.139
I, uh... Want to come home.
00:10:40.206 --> 00:10:41.374 position:20%
>> dad...
00:10:41.440 --> 00:10:43.976
no, no, no, before you go on,
Look, I know I messed up, but
00:10:44.043 --> 00:10:46.946 position:20%
You know what they say... a
Man's home is his castle, and,
00:10:47.013 --> 00:10:49.849
Uh, well, adam, my castle's
Filled with death and urine.
00:10:49.915 --> 00:10:51.784
So, uh, what do you say?
00:10:51.851 --> 00:10:54.453 position:20% line:20%
Can dear old dad get his old
Room back? Huh?
00:10:54.520 --> 00:10:57.189 line:20%
I mean, look, I'll... I'll give
Up the "Putting my feet on the
00:10:57.256 --> 00:10:59.158 position:20% line:20%
Table," I'll tell chackers to
Take a hike.
00:10:59.225 --> 00:11:01.861 line:20%
You remember when you fell off
The structure and you had those
00:11:01.927 --> 00:11:04.363 position:20% line:20%
Stitches, and... and I ran you
To the hospital?
00:11:04.430 --> 00:11:04.997 position:20% line:20%
Hmm?
00:11:05.064 --> 00:11:06.132 line:20%
Okay, guilty.
00:11:06.198 --> 00:11:09.268 position:20% line:20%
That was "Kramer vs. Kramer,"
But we saw it together.
00:11:09.335 --> 00:11:10.770 position:20% line:20%
Okay, let's think about this
One.
00:11:10.836 --> 00:11:13.439 position:20% line:20%
♪ the cat's in the cradle and
Your dad is scared ♪
00:11:13.506 --> 00:11:15.174 position:20% line:20%
Okay?
00:11:15.241 --> 00:11:17.009 line:20%
Are you there?
00:11:17.076 --> 00:11:18.411 line:20%
It sounds like you're working.
00:11:18.477 --> 00:11:19.745 position:20% line:20%
Are you?
00:11:19.812 --> 00:11:21.680 line:20%
Yeah, you're working.
00:11:21.747 --> 00:11:23.983 line:20%
All right, give us a jingle back
If you get a chance.
00:11:24.050 --> 00:11:25.751 line:20%
I'll talk to you later, adam.
00:11:25.818 --> 00:11:27.753 line:20%
This is your dad.19160
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