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1
00:00:04,971 --> 00:00:15,982
[ thunder crashing ]
[ drilling, sawing ]
2
00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:26,025
[ electricity crackling ]
>> it's alive!
3
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:40,206
[ electricity crackling ]
>> it's alive!
4
00:00:40,273 --> 00:00:41,341
>> no, no, no, no.
5
00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:43,076
Y-you have to break that up
First.
6
00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:43,877
>> what? Why?
7
00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:45,678
>> those plastic things kill
Turtles.
8
00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:47,380
>> oh, gosh. Right. Okay.
9
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:52,318
[ mockingly ] Oh, don't kill the
Turtles.
10
00:00:52,385 --> 00:01:02,429
[ heavy-metal music plays ]
>> grr!
11
00:01:02,495 --> 00:01:12,305
[ heavy-metal music plays ]
>> grr!
12
00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:22,348
[ both grunting ]
>> [ gagging ]
13
00:01:22,414 --> 00:01:32,658
[ both grunting ]
>> [ gagging ]
14
00:01:32,725 --> 00:01:34,828
>> our cereal sales are way
Down.
15
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:35,929
What do we do?
16
00:01:35,995 --> 00:01:38,765
>> I've got four words for
You -- sugar internet viral
17
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:42,101
Video -- and some punctuation --
Exclamation point!
18
00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:45,638
[ piano playing ]
>> ♪ ohhhhhh ♪
19
00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:49,776
♪ chocolate grain ♪
♪ bits of corn, marshmallows,
20
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,979
Other stuff ♪
♪ chocolate grain ♪
21
00:01:53,045 --> 00:01:55,414
♪ five times more sugar than
Choco-puffs ♪
22
00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:58,952
♪ chocolate grain ♪
♪ tell your parents it's what
23
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:02,388
They should buy ♪
♪ chocolate grain ♪
24
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:05,091
♪ so much sugar, you'll get
Crazy high ♪
25
00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:09,529
♪ chocolate grain ♪
♪ if you have diabetes, stay
26
00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:12,265
Away ♪
♪ chocolate grain ♪
27
00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:14,934
♪ that's something that our
Lawyers made us say ♪
28
00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:18,872
♪ chocolate grain ♪
♪ the amount of sugar will drive
29
00:02:18,938 --> 00:02:22,041
You insane ♪
♪ chocolate grain ♪
30
00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:26,846
♪ 100% sugar, zero grain ♪
>> sales for cocoa vampire are
31
00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:27,814
Through the roof!
32
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:28,882
What else you got?
33
00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:31,384
>> well, for fruit monster, how
About a video called
34
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:32,619
"Two berries, one cup"?
35
00:02:32,685 --> 00:02:34,320
I put together a rough demo.
36
00:02:34,387 --> 00:02:35,154
Roll it!
37
00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:38,191
>> [ laughter ]
[ squishing ]
38
00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:42,262
>> [ gags ]
>> [ vomiting ]
39
00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,230
>> there you go.
40
00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:45,832
>> sir, this isn't a sperm bank.
41
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:48,668
It's a blood bank.
42
00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:52,071
>> then how did you expect me to
Fill the cup?
43
00:02:52,138 --> 00:02:54,874
>> I followed you to this
Hot-chocolate factory, two-face.
44
00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:57,277
And this time, I'm bringing you
Down.
45
00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:59,245
>> not so fast, batman.
46
00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:01,881
Your fate lies in a flip of this
Coin.
47
00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:03,249
Heads, you live.
48
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:05,818
Tails, you die.
49
00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:09,088
Oh, death.
50
00:03:09,155 --> 00:03:11,691
[ sizzle ]
>> aah!
51
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:12,892
>> I'm sorry, harvey.
52
00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:14,494
>> don't call me harvey.
53
00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:16,728
Call me by my new name.
54
00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:18,464
Three-face!
55
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,333
This is my three-sided die.
56
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,734
One, you live.
57
00:03:21,801 --> 00:03:22,936
Two, you die.
58
00:03:23,002 --> 00:03:25,338
Three, we drink hot chocolate
Together.
59
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:26,204
Aha.
60
00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:29,409
Looks like you're gonna
Three-sided die!
61
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:32,378
Watch out for that bleach!
62
00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:35,048
Three-face, I'm really sorry
About the hospital.
63
00:03:35,114 --> 00:03:38,551
>> call me by my real name --
Four-face!
64
00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:40,219
I'm holding four straws in my
Hand.
65
00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:41,988
If you choose the shortest one,
You die.
66
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,723
If you choose the longest one,
You live.
67
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:46,259
The other two will determine
Whether or not I throw bleach on
68
00:03:46,326 --> 00:03:48,293
Your costume or we drink hot
Chocolate together.
69
00:03:48,361 --> 00:03:49,596
>> all right, four-face.
70
00:03:49,662 --> 00:03:51,664
I'll play your game.
71
00:03:57,637 --> 00:04:00,673
>> [ slurping ]
Oh. Ooh.
72
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,342
This is really good hot
Chocolate.
73
00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:04,177
>> [ sighs ]
The soup's not bad, either.
74
00:04:04,243 --> 00:04:05,378
>> oh, yeah? Can I try some?
75
00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:06,312
>> wait, harvey, no!
76
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:09,782
[ sizzles ]
>> aah!
77
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:16,055
[ dramatic music plays ]
[ camera shutters clicking ]
78
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:18,124
[ cheers and applause ]
>> 20 years of service.
79
00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:28,735
>> since you're a chef and
Black, we got you this chocolate
80
00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:29,702
Statue.
81
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:32,405
>> the best gift of all is your
Smiling faces.
82
00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:34,674
But thanks for the gift that's
Mildly racist.
83
00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:36,743
[ all cheering ]
>> [ sighs ]
84
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:42,749
What's going on?
85
00:04:42,815 --> 00:04:45,885
>> I think your stupid dog ate
Roadblock's statue.
86
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:49,288
>> [ laughs ]
Dogs can't eat chocolate.
87
00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:51,190
>> [ farts ]
[ whimpers ]
88
00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:53,126
>> oh, no.
89
00:04:53,192 --> 00:04:58,531
>> neither death nor life nor
Angels nor powers nor height nor
90
00:04:58,598 --> 00:05:02,101
Cobra nor anything else in all
Creation will be able to
91
00:05:02,168 --> 00:05:05,772
Separate us from the love of god
In christ jesus, our lord.
92
00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:06,973
>> all: yo, joe.
93
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,107
>> oh, thank you, duke.
94
00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:10,443
[ crying ] That was real --
Real -- real pretty.
95
00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:11,344
>> come on, mutt!
96
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:12,879
Let's get junkyard's ashes
Spread.
97
00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:13,646
What do you say?
98
00:05:13,713 --> 00:05:14,714
>> yeah.
99
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:17,150
Yeah, j-junkyard always loved
Running on the beach.
100
00:05:17,216 --> 00:05:21,888
[ sobs ]
Junkyard!
101
00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:23,156
>> oh!
102
00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:24,957
>> oh, sorry, boss!
103
00:05:25,024 --> 00:05:27,360
I thought that'd go way
Different!
104
00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:31,664
>> well, anyway, it's now with
Great pride that we add
105
00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:36,469
Junkyard's name to g.I. Joe's
Wall of fallen heroes.
106
00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:40,173
[ wind whistling ]
[ laughing ] Wow!
107
00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:40,840
Hoo!
108
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:42,275
Only one name?
109
00:05:42,341 --> 00:05:44,777
Hey, didn't lift-ticket get shot
Down last year?
110
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,412
>> I parachuted to safety!
111
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:47,780
>> oh, right. Right.
112
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:48,715
Darn.
113
00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:50,416
I swear someone got shot by a
Laser, though.
114
00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:52,919
Didn't anybody get shot by a
Laser?!
115
00:05:52,985 --> 00:05:53,753
Anybody?!
116
00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:55,221
Shot?
117
00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:56,255
Huh.
118
00:05:56,322 --> 00:06:00,093
Well, I bet cobra's wall's
Freakin' full of names!
119
00:06:00,159 --> 00:06:01,227
Am I right, joes?!
120
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:03,529
>> all: yo, joe!
121
00:06:03,596 --> 00:06:04,931
>> hmm.
122
00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:06,866
Mm-hmm.
123
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:13,005
[ sighs ]
Ah, we need more names!
124
00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,041
You! What's your name?!
125
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,843
>> wilson, sir!
126
00:06:16,909 --> 00:06:18,478
>> and there's one for the wall.
127
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:19,512
>> don't worry.
128
00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:20,580
I-I'm okay!
129
00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:23,416
I'm just a little --
>> pow!
130
00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:26,185
[ chuckles ]
>> jetson!
131
00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:27,420
Did you finish that report?
132
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,956
>> right here in my briefcase,
Mr. Spacely.
133
00:06:30,022 --> 00:06:33,826
[ people screaming ]
>> jetson!
134
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,229
>> who wants a ribbed poodle?
135
00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:38,931
>> you saw them in "Sisterhood
Of the traveling pants" and
136
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:41,100
"Sisterhood of the traveling
Pants 2."
137
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:44,804
Now in a breakout role, the
Traveling pants star in
138
00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:47,707
"Zip it up!"
He's a city cop, and his new
139
00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:50,143
Partner, bruce willis, doesn't
Like pants.
140
00:06:50,209 --> 00:06:51,744
>> a pair of pants killed my
Uncle.
141
00:06:51,811 --> 00:06:57,517
>> and they've got to take down
A sweatshop syndicate together.
142
00:06:57,582 --> 00:07:00,319
[ women gasping ]
>> yah!
143
00:07:00,386 --> 00:07:01,053
>> aah!
144
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:04,257
[ gunshots ]
>> and in the end --
145
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,058
[ gunshots ]
>> hey.
146
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:18,504
[ gunshot ]
>> and in the end, they'll make
147
00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:20,540
A perfect pair.
148
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:21,741
>> it's a good fit.
149
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:24,911
>> get ready to travel on the
Journey of a lifetime, and be
150
00:07:24,977 --> 00:07:27,980
Sure to come in your pants.
151
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,450
>> [ sneezes ]
>> god bless you.
152
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:36,055
>> aah! Darn it!
153
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,957
>> our "Dark crystal" sequel is
Doomed!
154
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:40,226
>> well, it's been in
Development hell for years.
155
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,661
Now theaters don't even want it.
156
00:07:41,727 --> 00:07:44,197
>> we need a brand-new take,
Something that really tricks
157
00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:49,735
Kids into thinking they want to
See a movie about puppets.
158
00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:51,337
>> yo, what's up, everybody!
159
00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:53,172
This is lil' jen, a.K.A.
160
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:54,373
M.C. Gelfling!
161
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,509
I'm about to take you on a
Little journey.
162
00:07:56,576 --> 00:07:59,579
Raise up your glasses, y'all,
And get ready for the story of
163
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:02,615
The dark cristal.
164
00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:05,184
♪ [ rapping ] Once upon a time
In the distant land of thra ♪
165
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:08,154
♪ there was a huge-ass,
Supersized bottle of cristal ♪
166
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:09,922
♪ living under three suns, all
The peeps were having fun ♪
167
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,891
♪ they were clinkin' and
Drinkin', cristal for everyone ♪
168
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,426
♪ but then there was a
Drive-by ♪
169
00:08:13,492 --> 00:08:16,128
♪ oh, snap, hit the deck ♪
♪ it was an skeksis in a lexus
170
00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:19,365
With a tek, bottle got wrecked ♪
♪ it split two different races
171
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:21,968
To two different places ♪
♪ the skeksis headed west with
172
00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:24,237
Their creepy dead-bird faces ♪
[ vulture cries ]
173
00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:26,873
♪ the urru waited on the east
Coast for all the help to come ♪
174
00:08:26,939 --> 00:08:29,709
♪ they were a bunch of mystics
Who like to sit around and ♪
175
00:08:29,775 --> 00:08:34,113
>> ♪ hum ♪
[ all humming ]
176
00:08:34,179 --> 00:08:35,280
>> ah, yeah.
177
00:08:35,347 --> 00:08:36,682
That sound good right there.
178
00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:38,650
♪ in stepped the prophecy ♪
♪ there's no stopping me ♪
179
00:08:38,717 --> 00:08:41,287
♪ gelfling's gonna help things ♪
♪ pretty soon, we'll be popping
180
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:44,557
C-r-I-s to the t-a-l ♪
♪ full throttle, fix the bottle
181
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:47,059
And then break that spell ♪
♪ the whole world is ugly ♪
182
00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:49,795
♪ no one sipping on bubbly ♪
♪ want to get busy ♪
183
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:52,331
♪ put on the fizzy ♪
♪ the ladies won't love me ♪
184
00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:54,066
♪ I got to save the land of
Thra ♪
185
00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:55,968
♪ I hear a far and distant
Call ♪
186
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:59,672
♪ gonna wreck me some skeksis ♪
♪ and go get that cristal ♪
187
00:08:59,739 --> 00:09:02,708
♪ I went to aughra and got that
Cracked-up shard of cristal ♪
188
00:09:02,775 --> 00:09:04,010
Whoa!
189
00:09:04,076 --> 00:09:05,945
♪ then I met kira and fizzgig ♪
♪ he was a little fuzzy ball ♪
190
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:07,079
>> what's up, y'all?!
191
00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:08,714
>> ♪ jumped on a landstrider,
Rolled to the castle ♪
192
00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:11,918
♪ faced off with the skeksis ♪
♪ man, those dudes are crazy
193
00:09:11,984 --> 00:09:15,021
Assholes ♪
♪ I put the cracked shard of the
194
00:09:15,087 --> 00:09:16,756
Bottle back into the right
Spot ♪
195
00:09:16,822 --> 00:09:19,492
♪ now the east and west coast
Got back together, and this
196
00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:22,395
Joint is [bleep] Hot ♪
♪ yeah, this party's a blast ♪
197
00:09:22,461 --> 00:09:26,866
♪ cristal's flowing fast ♪
♪ I'm thinking I want to get up
198
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:29,835
In kira's ass ♪
♪ we're all having a ball ♪
199
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:32,438
♪ there won't be no last call ♪
♪ west and east
200
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:35,040
Squashed the beef ♪
♪ they're all drinking cristal ♪
201
00:09:35,107 --> 00:09:38,411
♪ but people still coming, and
The mystics still humming ♪
202
00:09:38,477 --> 00:09:43,816
♪ they go ♪
[ all humming ]
203
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,551
[ chuckles ]
>> ♪ that's the end of the dark
204
00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:48,688
Cristal ♪
>> hos!
205
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:51,924
>> well, we failed you, jim.
206
00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:55,094
[ both gulp ]
[ both gagging ]
207
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:57,196
>> sweet relief!
208
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,665
>> ♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
209
00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:01,801
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
210
00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:03,936
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
211
00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:06,105
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
212
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:08,240
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
213
00:10:08,307 --> 00:10:10,443
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
214
00:10:10,509 --> 00:10:12,511
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
215
00:10:16,215 --> 00:10:18,417
>> yeah! Chocolate tastes great!
216
00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:20,586
>> sparky wants some, too!
217
00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:21,721
>> no!
218
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:24,490
Chocolate contains theobromine,
Which is toxic to dogs!
219
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,192
>> but sparky seems fine.
220
00:10:26,258 --> 00:10:27,293
He wants some more.
221
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,828
>> well, this isn't chocolate.
222
00:10:28,894 --> 00:10:30,396
This is carob.
223
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,464
[ both gasp ]
>> huh?!
224
00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:34,734
>> your dog's fine, but your mom
Is a filthy hippie.
225
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,502
>> now we know!
226
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:37,336
>> whatever.
227
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:39,405
>> ♪ g.I. Joe ♪
17100
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