Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,004 --> 00:00:15,915
[ thunder crashing ]
[ drilling, sawing ]
2
00:00:15,982 --> 00:00:25,959
[ electricity crackling ]
>> it's alive!
3
00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:41,474
[ electricity crackling ]
>> it's alive!
4
00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:44,811
>> [ humming ]
Ugh! Oh!
5
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,312
I'm such an idiot!
6
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,648
I'm melting!
7
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:52,218
Melting!
8
00:00:52,652 --> 00:00:57,090
>> sorry, guys. We're full up.
9
00:00:57,157 --> 00:01:00,393
[ techno music plays ]
>> oh, come on!
10
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:05,799
[ tires screech ]
[ computer beeping ]
11
00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:11,638
[ engine revs ]
[ tires screech ]
12
00:01:11,704 --> 00:01:18,277
[ engine revs ]
>> ugh!
13
00:01:18,344 --> 00:01:21,448
[ glass shatters ]
>> oh, glass.
14
00:01:21,514 --> 00:01:23,450
Damn it!
15
00:01:23,515 --> 00:01:26,085
[ grunting ]
Ugh!
16
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:35,628
[ clang! ]
[ panting ]
17
00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:39,132
[ grunts ]
Ugh!
18
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:42,035
>> you can't be serious.
19
00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:43,570
>> scandal!
20
00:01:43,636 --> 00:01:46,072
World wildlife fund managers
Discovered today the fund has
21
00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:47,340
Been completely emptied.
22
00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:48,341
Where did the money?
23
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:50,543
Accountants are struggling to
Solve the mystery.
24
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,612
[ dance music playing ]
>> [ gasps ]
25
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,285
[ music stops ]
[ chimps chattering ]
26
00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:04,524
[ chimp shrieks ]
[ dance music playing ]
27
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:08,360
>> $45,000 going once, $45,000
Going twice, and sold to the
28
00:02:08,428 --> 00:02:09,696
Bidder in the rear!
29
00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:13,199
[ elephant trumpets ]
>> oh, my god!
30
00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:16,369
[ indistinct shouting ]
[ dance music plays ]
31
00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:20,073
[ chimps shrieking ]
>> there you go, bill gates.
32
00:02:20,139 --> 00:02:22,976
>> okay, bill gates, the kids
From nsync, richard branson, and
33
00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:25,879
What I guess is michael jackson
Are already aboard the world's
34
00:02:25,945 --> 00:02:27,413
First space billionaires flight.
35
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,248
Anyone missing?
36
00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:30,350
>> um...The chinese guy,
Ling-ling.
37
00:02:30,416 --> 00:02:35,021
Oh, this must be him.
38
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:38,858
[ glass shatters ]
[ dance music plays ]
39
00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:41,427
[ people cheering ]
>> all right, let's do this.
40
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,201
>> come on. Try.
41
00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:49,668
>> ahoy. Thar be boobies.
42
00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:50,937
>> you're ruining it!
43
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,773
I want you to take me, like
Captain jack sparrow.
44
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,175
>> I thought that character was
A chick.
45
00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:57,510
>> this is my fantasy.
46
00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:58,678
Try to be realistic.
47
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:01,848
[ harp plays ]
>> [ cockney accent ] Are you
48
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:03,416
Ready to be ravaged, me lady?
49
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:09,088
>> it is quite humid south of
The equator, my captain.
50
00:03:09,155 --> 00:03:13,159
>> oh, oh, don't mind the little
Stowaways, my darling.
51
00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:14,260
>> ew. Lice?
52
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:18,598
>> no pantene on the seven seas!
53
00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:19,999
>> [ spits ]
Oh, my god!
54
00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:23,036
>> I've been brushing my teeth
With rum and brine for close to
55
00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:24,704
20 years, my little siren.
56
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:25,672
Pay it no mind.
57
00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:27,941
>> I don't know if I'm ready for
This.
58
00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:29,409
>> then I should warn you.
59
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:31,544
I haven't a memory of me last
Wash.
60
00:03:31,611 --> 00:03:34,847
You might find my balls have the
Scent of vinegar fermenting in
61
00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:35,615
Feta cheese.
62
00:03:35,682 --> 00:03:36,783
>> ugh! Oh!
63
00:03:36,849 --> 00:03:37,884
I c-- I can't. I can't.
64
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:38,952
>> wait, my dear.
65
00:03:39,018 --> 00:03:41,154
It's hard to give chase, what
With the horrific and
66
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:43,756
Debilitating rickets that
Affected ocean-bound travelers
67
00:03:43,823 --> 00:03:44,424
Of that time!
68
00:03:44,490 --> 00:03:45,658
>> you know what?
69
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,894
If you're not gonna take this
Serious, then we're not gonna do
70
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:48,494
It.
71
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:49,329
>> [ normal voice ] What?!
72
00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:51,230
You said be realistic!
73
00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:54,466
>> sir, the whole boat is rigged
To explode.
74
00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:55,668
And I found this.
75
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:58,671
>> greetings from the joker!
76
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:01,407
Why so serious?
77
00:04:01,474 --> 00:04:04,510
Anyway, we have a boat of
Civilians and a boat of prison
78
00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:05,345
Inmates.
79
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,513
I will blow up both boats at
Midnight!
80
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:08,715
>> oh, my god!
81
00:04:08,781 --> 00:04:11,784
>> however, each boat has a
Detonator that will blow up the
82
00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:12,885
Opposite boat.
83
00:04:12,952 --> 00:04:15,755
If one boat decides to blow
Up the other boat prior to
84
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:19,524
Midnight, I will not blow up the
Boat that blows up the other
85
00:04:19,591 --> 00:04:20,393
Boat.
86
00:04:20,459 --> 00:04:22,362
It's quite the moral quandary,
Is it not?
87
00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:25,264
>> t-then let's vote on neither
Boat blowing up.
88
00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:26,799
>> no, he says we decide!
89
00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:29,035
>> then I decide neither boat
Blows up!
90
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,503
>> wait, wait. So we vote?
91
00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:32,271
>> no, we -- we just press the
Button, I think.
92
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:33,106
>> I don't understand!
93
00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:34,173
What does this prove exactly?
94
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,842
>> uh, mr. Joker, sir?
95
00:04:35,908 --> 00:04:37,176
We came to a consensus.
96
00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:39,712
We vote that neither boat should
Blow up.
97
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:40,213
>> yeah!
98
00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:40,947
>> very good.
99
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:41,881
>> that's my vote.
100
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,016
>> that's not a choice!
101
00:04:43,082 --> 00:04:45,418
>> uh, you better explain it
Again, then, I guess.
102
00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:48,021
>> [ sighs ]
I will blow up both the boats.
103
00:04:48,087 --> 00:04:49,322
>> my god!
104
00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:52,659
>> unless -- unless one boat
Blows up the other boat first.
105
00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:54,994
>> uh, w-what are the other
Options?
106
00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:56,396
>> there are no other options.
107
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,164
>> ask him when both boats blow
Up.
108
00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:59,666
>> midnight! Midnight! Midnight!
109
00:04:59,732 --> 00:05:02,301
>> all right, folks, that gives
Us a good 15 minutes.
110
00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:03,670
Everyone into the lifeboats.
111
00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:04,704
>> no! No lifeboats!
112
00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:06,272
I said that you couldn't use
Them!
113
00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:07,306
>> you never said that!
114
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:07,907
>> I did!
115
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:08,975
Way back in the beginning!
116
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,777
>> you'd better go over the
Rules again.
117
00:05:10,843 --> 00:05:12,612
>> oh, for -- it's a catch-22!
118
00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:15,114
Look, there are two boats!
119
00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:16,516
At midnight --
>> good day, sir.
120
00:05:17,582 --> 00:05:18,351
>> and good day to you.
121
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:21,354
>> yes. Let's begin.
122
00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:22,121
>> both: ha!
123
00:05:22,188 --> 00:05:25,024
[ birds' wings flapping ]
>> uh...
124
00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:27,026
>> hmm...
125
00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:27,694
>> oh.
126
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:28,861
>> oh.
127
00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:36,202
[ both muttering ]
>> both: ha!
128
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:37,203
>> damn it!
129
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:40,873
[ both muttering ]
>> the mechanism.
130
00:05:40,940 --> 00:05:44,043
>> both: ha!
131
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:45,978
>> [ grunts ]
>> [ grunts ]
132
00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:49,482
>> [ panting ]
[ clears throat ]
133
00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:51,150
Well, uh...
134
00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:52,151
Good effort, sir.
135
00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:53,886
>> well done. Well done.
136
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,856
>> [ laughs ]
Nobody can stop me!
137
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,191
I'm gonna kill you all!
138
00:05:58,257 --> 00:06:03,096
>> won't anyone save us?!
139
00:06:03,162 --> 00:06:05,932
[ gasps ]
Dr. Manhattan!
140
00:06:05,998 --> 00:06:07,600
[ electricity crackling ]
[ zap! ]
141
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:09,435
>> you are safe now.
142
00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:11,938
>> mm! Thanks!
143
00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:16,109
[ laughs ]
Ooh. Yeah.
144
00:06:16,175 --> 00:06:20,613
>> safe now.
145
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:24,350
>> [ clears throat ]
>> hello?!
146
00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:30,623
Teendream94?
147
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:31,591
You here?
148
00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:33,558
>> why don't you have a seat,
Mr. Goldschmidt?
149
00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:35,061
>> what -- who are you?
150
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:36,395
>> chris hansen, "Dateline nbc."
151
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:37,730
>> oh.
152
00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:39,031
Well, good for you.
153
00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:40,399
Where's teendream94?
154
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,135
>> there is no teendream94.
155
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:43,770
It was a sting operation.
156
00:06:43,836 --> 00:06:44,971
>> what the hell?
157
00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:46,172
Are you serious?!
158
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,874
I took a day off of work for
This!
159
00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:50,376
And I blew, like, half a tank of
Gas driving over here!
160
00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:51,878
You idiots better reimburse me!
161
00:06:51,944 --> 00:06:52,645
>> what?
162
00:06:52,712 --> 00:06:54,180
Y-you must be joking.
163
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,715
>> I'm a lawyer, pal!
164
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:57,550
I'm suing you for fraud!
165
00:06:57,617 --> 00:07:01,220
By the time I'm done, I'm gonna
Own nbc universal!
166
00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:04,624
>> in the case of goldschmidt
Vs. Hansen, nbc news, and
167
00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:07,760
Nbc universal, jury finds in
Favor of the predator.
168
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:09,762
>> what?!
169
00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,764
[ horn honks ]
[ tires screech ]
170
00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:12,932
>> hey, hansen!
171
00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:13,933
Like the new ride?
172
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,101
>> that's my escalade!
173
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:15,802
>> hi, dad!
174
00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:16,469
>> bobby?!
175
00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:17,904
What are you doing in there?
176
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:20,807
>> just giving your teenage son
A lift to soccer practice.
177
00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:23,075
We'll probably take the long way
Home.
178
00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:24,076
Don't wait up!
179
00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:28,748
[ tires screech ]
>> [ screams ]
180
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:32,451
>> as you know, I'm now majority
Shareholder of nbc universal.
181
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:34,720
That means a change in
Philosophy.
182
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,056
Let's see some predator-friendly
Programming.
183
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:40,426
On "Friday night lights," we're
Gonna be spending a lot more
184
00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:41,861
Time in the locker room.
185
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:43,529
A lot more time!
186
00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:47,200
>> I've got four words for you,
Mr. Goldschmidt -- sweaty...
187
00:07:47,266 --> 00:07:48,201
Teen....
188
00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:48,868
Boy...
189
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:49,836
Olympics.
190
00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:51,470
>> "Law & order:
Special victims unit" will now
191
00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:52,405
Be more of a comedy.
192
00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:54,073
[ buzz ]
>> sorry, I'm needed in the
193
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:54,740
Intern harem.
194
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:56,909
Let's reconvene in 30.
195
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,078
>> I really don't like working
Here anymore.
196
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,146
>> I do!
197
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,248
I'm the executive who secretly
Knocked up jamie lynn.
198
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,649
Best job ever!
199
00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:09,889
[ toilet flushes ]
>> hey. Here we go.
200
00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:11,390
>> bad news, fellow adventurers.
201
00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:12,491
Barry has bailed.
202
00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:14,694
>> but barry is our dungeon
Master!
203
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,429
What could be more important?!
204
00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:17,930
>> he said he has a date.
205
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:20,299
[ laughs ]
As if!
206
00:08:20,366 --> 00:08:22,501
I mean, who would date barry?!
207
00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:24,470
>> back to "A shot at love with
Tila tequila."
208
00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:25,271
>> choose me, tila.
209
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,272
Choose me! Choose me!
210
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,273
Choose me! Choose me!
211
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,274
Choose me!
212
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,443
>> this is my big chance.
213
00:08:30,509 --> 00:08:33,813
Luckily I have been saving an
Adventure -- a masterpiece
214
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:37,049
Months in the design and
Planning -- for just such an
215
00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:37,783
Occasion!
216
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,585
>> [ gasps ]
Awesome!
217
00:08:39,652 --> 00:08:40,653
>> here goes.
218
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:44,290
"You find yourselves in a dark,
Mysterious dungeon!"
219
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,658
>> oh, real original.
220
00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:46,626
Let me guess.
221
00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:48,527
There's also a dragon in there?
222
00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:50,096
>> uh! Uh, of course not!
223
00:08:50,162 --> 00:08:51,931
No, that's ridiculous!
224
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:53,032
A dragon?
225
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:57,703
What I meant to say is you find
Yourselves in a dark,
226
00:08:57,770 --> 00:09:01,941
Mysterious, uh, mega dungeon!
227
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:02,441
>> what?!
228
00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:03,509
>> no way!
229
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:07,480
>> for this adventure, I select
My elven spellthief.
230
00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:08,180
Wait!
231
00:09:08,247 --> 00:09:10,416
My elven bodybuilder spellthief!
232
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,251
>> I choose my goblin fashion
Model.
233
00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:15,087
She has a recording contract and
A recurring role in a goblin
234
00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:16,222
Prime-time drama.
235
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,591
>> are those boobs real or an
Elaborate illusion spell?
236
00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:20,927
To find out, I roll for "Grope"!
237
00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:22,762
Ooh, 11, a very sexy number.
238
00:09:22,828 --> 00:09:26,933
[ laughs ]
>> I cast "Testicular rupture!"
239
00:09:26,999 --> 00:09:29,602
>> ohh! Fire crotch!
240
00:09:29,669 --> 00:09:31,604
>> you are attacked by a grue!
241
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:33,806
[ grue roars ]
>> I fire an arrow!
242
00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:37,643
>> arrows are no good against
His leathery hide!
243
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:39,145
>> no! No!
244
00:09:39,211 --> 00:09:41,314
>> yeah, baby!
245
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:44,317
Introducing king kickass!
246
00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:47,820
♪ everyone who plays this queer
Game has two vaginas ♪
247
00:09:47,887 --> 00:09:49,622
♪ yeah ♪
Three, two, one, awesome!
248
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:53,259
[ zap! ]
>> get out of here, munson!
249
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:56,095
>> your elf appears to have
Popped a boner when he witnessed
250
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:57,430
The abs of king kickass!
251
00:09:57,496 --> 00:09:58,264
>> he did not!
252
00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,932
You don't even know how to play!
253
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:02,802
>> actually, his character sheet
Appears to be in order.
254
00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:04,937
>> um, well, we do need another
Player.
255
00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:06,105
>> ugh!
256
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:09,942
[ panting ]
Fine!
257
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:12,979
>> you now enter the inner
Sanctum!
258
00:10:13,045 --> 00:10:17,483
Your goal is finally in sight --
A treasure chest!
259
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:18,985
>> pbht, predictable.
260
00:10:19,051 --> 00:10:22,755
>> however, the treasure chest
Is guarded by an owlbear!
261
00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:26,192
It commands an army of
Monkeybees!
262
00:10:26,258 --> 00:10:29,528
Hmm, shaking the dust off a few
Relics, I see.
263
00:10:29,595 --> 00:10:33,099
Sorry, dungeon master, but those
Ridiculous bees can't match up
264
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:35,768
To a team of, uh...
265
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,770
Uh --
[ owlbear roaring ]
266
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:39,405
Where did stacey and munson go?!
267
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:42,575
>> munson said something about
Banging fingers in your parents'
268
00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:43,909
Bedroom.
269
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:45,745
Shall we watch "Tila tequila"?
270
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,079
>> yes. Want to borrow a sock?
271
00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,147
>> yes.
272
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:50,649
>> ♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
273
00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:52,785
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
274
00:10:52,852 --> 00:10:54,954
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
275
00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:57,089
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
276
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:59,091
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
277
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:01,327
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
278
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,462
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
19435
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.