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[ thunder crashing ]
[ drilling, sawing ]
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[ electricity crackling ]
>> it's alive!
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[ electricity crackling ]
>> it's alive!
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>> hey, everybody.
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I'm joey fatone.
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00:00:40,273 --> 00:00:42,208
Now, you may have noticed I
Haven't appeared in many
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00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:43,209
Sketches lately.
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00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:45,779
Air-jo, [ergo] I decided to
Pitch one of my own.
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00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:47,046
Here we go.
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So, I'm singing at this charity
Event at the san diego zoo, when
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00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:52,051
All of a sudden, I come across
This kangaroo.
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00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:55,422
Turns out she lost her
[chuckles] Joey -- yeah, you see
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00:00:55,488 --> 00:00:56,723
Where this is going.
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00:00:56,790 --> 00:01:00,460
Anyway, the mama kangaroo falls
In love with me and refuses to
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00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:01,628
Let me leave.
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00:01:01,694 --> 00:01:04,431
You know, I appease her for a
Bit, go along with the ride,
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00:01:04,497 --> 00:01:08,501
Until I realize that her boxing
Technique is the exact thing I
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00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:11,771
Need to compete in the wwe's
Royal rumble!
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00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:12,705
Ooh!
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I'm getting excited just
Thinking about this.
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Oh, and did I mention it's being
Held in australia?
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00:01:18,211 --> 00:01:20,613
Put another shrimp on the
Barbie.
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00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,515
[ laughs ]
So the kangaroo and I
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00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:25,185
Head out on an adventure
That's part "Rocky," part
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00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:26,419
"Crocodile dundee ii."
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00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:29,355
It ends with me winning the
Event and the kangaroo getting
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Reunited with her actual joey.
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You see, now I'm sorry this is
Just a pitch and not an actual
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00:01:34,259 --> 00:01:34,894
Sketch already.
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00:01:34,961 --> 00:01:36,596
But anyway -- hang tight.
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00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:42,902
I'm sure it's just a matter of
Time.
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[ all munching ]
>> [ vomits, coughs ]
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>> [ munch! ]
Not -- not okay?
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00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,485
Is that not okay?
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00:01:58,551 --> 00:01:59,118
>> wow!
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00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:00,520
I'm getting my very own car!
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00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,856
>> as long as it costs 100 bucks
Or less.
38
00:02:02,922 --> 00:02:04,524
>> but cars cost more than that.
39
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:05,925
>> well, this one doesn't.
40
00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:08,026
>> that's...Not a car.
41
00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:09,496
>> oh, I want that one!
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00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:10,663
>> sold american!
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00:02:10,729 --> 00:02:11,431
>> oh, wow!
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>> thank you for purchasing me.
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Let's go on an awesome
Adventure.
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00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:18,605
>> [ laughs ]
This is the greatest present of
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00:02:18,671 --> 00:02:20,139
My life!
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00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:22,442
>> [ sighs ]
Well, might as well make the
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00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:24,444
Best of this crap sandwich.
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00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:25,812
>> my name's scooter.
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00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,013
Hello, new friend.
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00:02:27,079 --> 00:02:27,647
>> wow!
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You're a robot, too!
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00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:30,550
>> I'm better than a robot.
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00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:31,718
I'm a go-bot.
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00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:34,320
>> maybe this will be a great
Present after all.
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00:02:34,387 --> 00:02:35,954
Ahhh...You're kind of puny.
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00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:38,358
>> good things come in small
Packages.
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00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:39,692
>> like what kind of good
Things?
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00:02:39,759 --> 00:02:40,627
Do you kick a lot of ass?
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00:02:40,692 --> 00:02:42,095
>> oh, no. I hate fighting.
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00:02:42,161 --> 00:02:44,364
But I do know a lot of
Knock-knock jokes.
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00:02:44,430 --> 00:02:46,065
>> oh, good. That'll be helpful.
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00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:47,300
Look, you got to help me.
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00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,736
Bad enough I got to ride a
[bleep] Moped to school.
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00:02:49,802 --> 00:02:52,539
I don't want it to be an
Annoying puss-bot, as well.
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00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:53,873
>> hey, don't worry, kid.
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I'll see what I can do.
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00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:56,209
>> safety first.
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00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:58,878
Always wear eye protection when
Using a blowtorch.
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00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:00,146
>> thanks for the tip.
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00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:03,383
>> [ screaming ]
>> so, what are you doing, now?
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00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:05,485
>> disabling the servomotor, for
Starters.
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00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:07,520
>> oh, and that's how the
Motor's wired in?
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00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:08,288
>> yeah, right.
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00:03:08,353 --> 00:03:09,522
So I'm cutting those wires.
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00:03:09,589 --> 00:03:10,189
>> oh.
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00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:11,324
Did you go to school for this?
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00:03:11,391 --> 00:03:12,492
>> sure did.
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00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:14,227
There's a great automotive
Program at east valley community
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00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:15,094
College.
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00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:16,329
>> I'll let you ride me and
Everything!
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[ shrieks ]
>> wow! Thanks!
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00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:21,100
It's awesome now!
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00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:22,735
>> want to keep the face?
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00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:23,369
>> nah.
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00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:24,137
Yeah-heh!
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00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:25,438
>> I don't want it.
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00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:28,541
Oh! 2 points!
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00:03:28,608 --> 00:03:30,443
>> but how can you be pregnant?
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00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:33,212
You said you had a sponge in
Your --
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00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:34,847
Oh, you meant me.
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00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:38,251
>> gee, casper, I wish we could
Play with you forever.
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00:03:38,317 --> 00:03:41,621
>> you can!
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00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:42,355
>> hey, there.
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00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:43,389
I'm billy -- billy joel.
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What's your name?
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00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:44,757
>> davy.
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00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:45,758
>> and what do you do?
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00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:46,692
>> I'm in the navy.
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00:03:46,759 --> 00:03:48,561
>> how long will you do that,
You think?
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00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:49,696
>> uh, probably for life.
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00:03:49,762 --> 00:03:50,296
>> cool.
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00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:51,397
"Davy" rhymes with "Navy."
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00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:52,265
That's convenient.
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00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:53,066
>> what?
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00:03:53,132 --> 00:03:54,534
You better not use me in a song,
Man.
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00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:56,369
I'm on the run from a lot of
Creditors.
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>> no problem, davy.
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00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:03,276
[ grunts ]
I have absorbed your story, my
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00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:04,510
Friend.
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00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:07,814
As the ancients ate the hearts
Of lions to gain their strength,
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You are one with the joel now!
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One with the joel!
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00:04:12,251 --> 00:04:14,253
[ laughs evilly ]
>> leapin' lizards, molly.
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00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:24,163
It sure is a hard-knock life.
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00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:26,165
>> actually, we're very lucky,
Annie.
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00:04:26,232 --> 00:04:28,368
>> being an orphan sure don't
Feel lucky.
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00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:31,471
>> then try being an orphan in
The philippines, where hundreds
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00:04:31,537 --> 00:04:34,474
Of thousands of orphans are
Forced into prostitution, thanks
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00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:35,642
To sex tourism.
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00:04:35,707 --> 00:04:38,778
In africa, aids has created
Millions of orphans who won't
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Live to see puberty.
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00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:43,116
>> well...I sure don't like that
Mean old miss hannigan.
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00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:46,019
>> what don't you like,
Exactly -- three meals a day,
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00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:48,788
A warm bed, not being
Hiv-positive, not performing
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00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,290
Fellatio on foreign businessmen?
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00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:52,625
That's what you don't like?
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00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:55,361
>> uh, I think I'm gonna go
Sweep over there for a while,
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Molly.
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Gee, pepper, miss hannigan sure
Is mean.
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00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:01,634
>> yeah, I hate that bitch.
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00:05:03,403 --> 00:05:05,705
>> we sure had a grand
Adventure, annie.
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00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:08,875
Your quick wits and spunky
Can-do spirit saved us all.
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00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:11,744
Is there anything my limitless
Power and billions of dollars
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00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:12,578
Can do for you?
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00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:14,681
>> [ echoing ] Overseas
Orphans...
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00:05:14,747 --> 00:05:16,816
Fellatio on foreign
Businessmen...
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00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:19,085
Hiv and aids...
140
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,153
>> hmm...
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00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:22,555
Nope!
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00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:28,828
[ whirring ]
>> oh, no, no!
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00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:30,296
Aw, damn it.
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00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:32,865
I had it. Totally had it.
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00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:35,101
[ dialing rapidly ]
>> hey, larry?
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00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:35,868
It's dave.
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00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:38,071
Get this -- I'm in a phone
Booth.
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00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:39,739
Yeah! You remember those?
149
00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:41,207
I know -- weird, right?
150
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:43,509
All right. See you later.
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00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:46,112
[ rattling ]
>> ahoy!
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>> is that my prince?
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00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,382
Oh, I knew you'd save me!
154
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:51,017
>> stand back, my love.
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00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,752
We will soon be together.
156
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:56,856
>> it won't be long now before
My prince takes me in his arms
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And --
Ow!
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00:05:58,624 --> 00:06:00,226
Careful, my prince.
159
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:01,994
You almost --
Whoa!
160
00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:04,530
[ crunch! ]
Aah!
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00:06:04,597 --> 00:06:06,099
Oh, my -- what?
162
00:06:06,165 --> 00:06:07,500
It's raining glass!
163
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:08,634
I'm blind!
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00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,136
Please stop throwing the hook!
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Owww!
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00:06:13,272 --> 00:06:14,841
Is that you, my prince?
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00:06:14,907 --> 00:06:16,442
>> I'm coming, my dear.
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00:06:16,509 --> 00:06:18,678
[ grunts ]
Aha!
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00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:19,545
Now hurry, my love.
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00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:21,280
We don't have much t--
Oh, geez.
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00:06:21,347 --> 00:06:23,015
You're not even packed.
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00:06:23,082 --> 00:06:24,984
>> nice place you got here,
Pops.
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00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,887
You should pay us for
Protection -- make sure nothing
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00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,122
Happens to it.
175
00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:32,058
>> oh, I've got a policy with
Allstate, so I'm in good hands.
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00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:32,859
>> oh, yeah?
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00:06:32,925 --> 00:06:35,194
You insured against this?
178
00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:36,829
>> yes, that's in the policy.
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00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:39,165
>> but now your rates will go
Up, right?
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00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:39,866
>> oh, no!
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00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:41,067
I can't afford that.
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00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:44,070
>> [ laughs ]
We'll be back for our money.
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00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:46,572
Ha ha ha -- big exit laugh.
184
00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:48,074
>> I hate small-business owners.
185
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,843
>> operator, what's the name of
Those war criminals turned
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00:06:50,909 --> 00:06:53,513
Mercenary who get paid to
Protect you from criminals who
187
00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:55,014
Want to get paid for protection?
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00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:59,051
[ gasps ]
Oh, yeah -- the a-team!
189
00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:00,153
How exciting.
190
00:07:00,219 --> 00:07:03,456
Hannibal, b.A. Baracus, and the
Whole team.
191
00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:05,458
>> negatory on that communiqué,
Chief.
192
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:07,794
Your credit's not good enough
For the a-team.
193
00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:10,396
We are the b-team.
194
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:15,034
[ fast-paced funk music plays ]
G.D. -- generally displeased --
195
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:15,802
Barabas.
196
00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:17,336
>> better not be riding no
Trains.
197
00:07:17,403 --> 00:07:18,805
I like drinking my apple juice.
198
00:07:18,871 --> 00:07:20,072
>> noah "Assman" hathaway.
199
00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:21,908
>> charms and kisses from me to
You.
200
00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:24,544
>> played boxey on the original
"Battlestar galactica."
201
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:27,814
Captain f.N. -- [bleep] Nuts --
Madlock.
202
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,349
>> ple-e-e-e-ase make my
Memories go away.
203
00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:31,751
>> and I'm handy ball.
204
00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:34,020
Got that handle undercover in
Hanoi.
205
00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:35,855
Don't ask why, and I won't tell.
206
00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:38,257
>> good golly, what is
The c-team like?
207
00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:41,561
>> a bunch of surly midgets.
208
00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:44,397
[ tires screeching ]
[ clatter ]
209
00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:47,400
Here's the deal, boys -- you
Leave town and my friend here
210
00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:50,503
Doesn't change your zip code to
Zero-zero-zero-my nose is
211
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:51,237
Broken.
212
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,239
>> I got sympathy for that
Card.
213
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,006
Grrrr!
214
00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:57,143
>> uh, g-give us just a sec,
Here.
215
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,879
[ lock engages ]
>> damn it! They tricked us!
216
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,080
>> I can't take it!
217
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:06,986
[ shivering ]
>> are you thinking what I'm
218
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:08,154
Thinking?
219
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,323
>> I love it when a plan's gonna
Come together eventually.
220
00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:11,123
>> let's do it.
221
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:13,960
>> I like using big tools.
222
00:08:14,026 --> 00:08:16,662
>> [ shivering ]
>> [ coughing ]
223
00:08:20,332 --> 00:08:21,000
>> ooh.
224
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,869
Dead from carbon monoxide.
225
00:08:22,935 --> 00:08:24,036
>> oh. Oh, my gosh.
226
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:26,472
This is the worst thing I've
Seen since that old bar owner
227
00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:28,174
Was beaten to death earlier
Today.
228
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:29,842
>> dave, check this out.
229
00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:33,246
[ fast-paced funk music plays ]
>> ooh. Take their tape.
230
00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:38,084
[ "Piano man"-style tune plays ]
>> ♪ pete is a real-estate
231
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:39,784
Novelist ♪
>> hey, that's me!
232
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:42,421
>> ♪ that's a cute way of saying
Pete's broke ♪
233
00:08:42,488 --> 00:08:43,623
>> what?
234
00:08:43,688 --> 00:08:46,525
>> ♪ I'll laugh at his life
While I'm humping his wife ♪
235
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:47,493
>> sheila?
236
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,896
>> ♪ 'cause pete's tiny schlong
Is a joke ♪
237
00:08:49,962 --> 00:08:52,632
>> [ gasps ]
>> ♪ my piano, it sounds like
238
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:56,269
God's symphony ♪
♪ and my microphone smells like
239
00:08:56,335 --> 00:09:00,273
The poor ♪
♪ they put bread in my cup, and
240
00:09:00,339 --> 00:09:02,074
Their lives all suck ♪
>> huh?
241
00:09:02,141 --> 00:09:03,876
>> ♪ if I quit this gig, they'd
Lose all interest in living,
242
00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:05,311
Since life would have no
Meaning, and they'd blow their
243
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:11,317
Brains out onto the floo-o-o-r ♪
♪ la, da, de-da-da ♪
244
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:15,454
[ gun cocks ]
♪ la, de-de, da-le-da ♪
245
00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:19,191
♪ down on your knees, I'm the
Piano god ♪
246
00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:23,029
♪ pray to the songs that I've
Sung ♪
247
00:09:23,095 --> 00:09:26,265
♪ tell me I'm too good to work
Here ♪
248
00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:32,405
♪ then put my balls right on
Your tongue ♪
249
00:09:32,471 --> 00:09:33,940
Great -- all singles.
250
00:09:34,006 --> 00:09:35,141
>> hey, joel...
251
00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:35,942
Hyah!
252
00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:42,048
>> [ grunting ]
>> [ laughs ]
253
00:09:42,114 --> 00:09:43,349
Whew!
254
00:09:43,415 --> 00:09:44,350
Yeah...
255
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:47,753
[ cellphone chirps ]
>> pete, this is your agent.
256
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,422
The publishers loved your novel.
257
00:09:49,488 --> 00:09:51,757
Time to quit the real-estate
Biz, brother.
258
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:54,894
Oh, by the way -- the hospital
Called, and your wife died of
259
00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:55,628
Crotch rot.
260
00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:59,398
[ inhales sharply ]
Sorry, man.
261
00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:03,269
>> poetic justice!!
262
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,504
>> ♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
263
00:10:05,571 --> 00:10:07,640
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
264
00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:09,775
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
265
00:10:09,842 --> 00:10:11,911
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
266
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:14,080
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
267
00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:16,248
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
268
00:10:16,315 --> 00:10:18,317
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
269
00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:20,486
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
Bawk bawk ♪
270
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,722
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
271
00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:25,992
>> who the hell are you?
272
00:10:26,058 --> 00:10:27,893
>> nick fury, director of
S.H.I.E.L.D.
273
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,463
I'm here to talk to you about
The avengers initiative.
274
00:10:30,529 --> 00:10:31,263
>> in my house?
275
00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:32,565
In the middle of the night?
276
00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:35,835
[ floorboard creaks ]
And who the hell are you?
277
00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:37,737
>> run, stupid!
278
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:39,138
[ thud ]
19874
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