Original subtitles

It's alive!

I know have not always been the best husband.

That's the smartest thing to ever come out of your mouth.

You want to know another smartest thing

to ever come out of your mouth?

Mein doodle!

I'm Einstein, bitch!

Einstein, motherfucker!

Hey, did you hear what I said

to that bartender last night?

I said, "I'm calling the cops. You just served a miner!"

Oh, ho ho! Another zinger.

You know, sometimes down here I actually pray for a gas leak.

Uh-oh!

Watch out!

Oh, no, we're trapped.

And worst of all, I really do smell gas.

That could be my IBS acting up.

Just to be safe, let's put on our protective anti-gas suits

and let's look for another way out.

Wait, what's that?

What in the sweet hell?

Holy crap! Run!

It's gaining on us! We're not gonna make it!

I'll stop him.

You got a family to think of.

What? You're married, Bill!

Yeah, but I've always loved you, Harvey.

What the...

Oh! Oh, Bill!

Dad, wait up!

I want you to have my bicycle pump

because I... I love you.

Oh, only one chance.

Inflate death, you monster!

I... I loved you, too, Bill!

I don't wanna go to sleep. You can't make me.

I'm sorry, honey, but it's bedtime.

I hate you.

And dolly hates you, too.

Well, you're my daughter and I love you,

but that bitch is gonna pay.

Hate me, dolly?!

Huh, dolly?! You don't like me?!

Why, why, why?!

You ungrateful, stupid ragdoll!

Stop! You're killing her!

Let that be a lesson to the rest of you!

Sleep well, baby.

I'm Danny Ocean, and for this caper

we're gonna need more than 11, 12, or 13 guys.

So, team one... Brad Pitt, Matt Damon,

Don Cheadle, Carl Reiner, Elliot Gould, Scott Caan,

Shaobo Qin, Eddie Jameson, Andy Garcia, Leonardo DiCaprio

Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel, William Shatner,

Topher Grace, Christopher Walken,

Justin Timberlake, Antonio Banderas,

Samuel Jackson, Kurtwood Smith, Bruce Campbell,

Jackie Chan and Weird Al Yankovic...

you start a fight at the bar.

Then team two... Sylvester Stallone,

Erik Estrada, David Letterman, Vince Vaughn,

Leonard Nimoy, Vladimir Putin, Frankenstein,

my niece Susie, Coco the Gorilla,

panda with a monocle, Peter Pan, John Denver's corpse,

a mime, Chirlaxx, the devourer of worlds,

and Ryan Seacrest... you'll slip in the back.

Any questions?

No!

Then let's do this.

Mama, why does Grandma walk so slow?

Because Grandma's old, honey, and her bones are very brittle.

Mama, what's brittle?

You know, you know, like peanut brittle, dear.

Mmm. Yummy!

Oh, hi, little Rosa.

What are you doing? Ow!

Where's the peanut brittle? I want the peanut brittle.

Where is it?

Give it to me! I want it!

Rosa, no! Put Grandma's leg back!

Yes! Oh, yeah!

Did you see me on TV? I had the round of my life!

Yes, it was great.

Except for one crucial element...

you weren't wearing your Nike hat.

Oh, yeah, my caddy put it in the wrong carry-on bag.

I'm sorry about that.

Ha ha, you're not sorry yet.

But you will be.

Hey, what are you... what are you doing?

Hold him down! No, please!

We own you, Tiger!

Own you! Own you!

They own me. They own me!

What is it, honey?

I've forsaken my roots.

I've let the white man own me, baby.

Body and soul.

I'm nothing but a piece of property to them.

So what? Your endorsement deal

is worth $105 million,

and you're married to a blond hottie.

And anyway, aren't you mostly Chinese?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, you're in the sandtrap, baby.

Hole in one, whoo!

Hello, ma'am, did you call about an intruder in your house?

Uh, no.

What's wrong with your eyes, ma'am?

Is that some sort of a tick?

Well, if there's no intruder, I'll be on my way.

I'd get that eye checked out by a doctor.

Ewww!

He's got cooties!

Well, yes. Blah blah, with the budget.

My god.

Aaah!

The carrier! Where's the carrier?!

Don't worry, you'll be fine.

Contagion!

Aaah!

It looks like we got it.

Aaah!

We're too late!

Dude, I got a surprise for my date.

I cut a hole out of the bottom of my popcorn bucket.

That bucket's empty, dude.

Where's the popcorn?

Popcorn?

Hey, Diana, wanna feel my penis?

Eww, why'd you cover it in butter?

What do you mean, butter?

Shut up guys, the trailers are starting.

Oh, that sucked.

Geez, tell the whole theater, why don't ya?

America would never be the same.

How could it, after this day?

Hey, more popcorn, dude?

Aw, thanks, man. I was just getting...

Aw, son of a bitch!

You touched my junk.

Yo, Nick, we gotta get our steps together, dawg,

or we're never gonna get out of this life, man.

Yo, I step for one person... me.

on a rhythm team...

Yo, I step for one person...

I know. You!

You're dying to step for your friends,

but you're afraid your friends won't be there to step for you.

Yo, man, step off! You don't know me!

Alright, homies.

Look like we're gonna have to do it without him. Okay?

Yo, it's time to step up...

for my friends.

but we're keeping it clean

on a rhythm team

but we're keeping it clean

on a rhythm team

Look, dude, now I put a hole in my soda cup.

Dude, seriously, what the fuck!

Oh, hey, can I have some soda?

Sure.

Aah!

Shhh!

Hey, hey, hey, a pic-a-nic basket.

It's pronounced picnic, Yogi. Picnic!

Hey, my lunch.

Oh, we gotta run, Yogi.

You'll never catch him.

He's smarter than the average bear.

Surprise.

No, Yogi!

Aaahh!

Do you like my hair? I got it cut today.

Shh! I'm trying to watch these trailers, y'all!

I'm just playing. You go, trailers!

Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey

is one of the most respected cinematic achievements

of all time.

For generations of audiences,

it's also really, really boring.

But help is on the way.

This summer, catch a brand-new edition

of 2001, featuring Playboy Cyber Girl Robin Bain.

It's full of stars!

Wow!

Yes, 148 minutes is a long time

to watch crap float around

set to classical music.

But not when Robin Bain is motherfucking naked!

Space swimming's the best!

I'm gonna help. I love computers!

I always wanted to do this.

I'm helping!

give my your answer...

Naked cartwheel Whoo hoo!

And best of all...

Hi, folks, I'm Stanley Kubrick,

and I approve of this idea.

...with boobs!

Genius! Masterpiece!

And now our feature presentation

of Robot Chicken: The Credits, The Movie.

It's gonna be the best movie ever!

also also

also also

also also

Ba-gawk! Wow.

Ugh, the book was totally better.

Hold on, I want to see the credits.