Original subtitles

It's alive!

Now this will only hurt for a second.

Aaah!

My eye! My eye!

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Aaaah!

And that's what will happen if you flinch.

Oh, no, Arthur, this shot doesn't go in your arm.

It goes in the tip of your penis.

Go!

I am not a criminal.

Nice try, Mary Jane. Now where's the fucking coke?

No coke. I am a witchdoctor.

Stop it! Those are mystical items!

More like a mystical ass scratcher.

No! No! Do not do that!

You're going to open up a dimensional rift!

Ben, you're human again!

Ben? Holy crap, the Haitian was right.

Oh, Ben! I'm so happy for you.

Oh, and I'm happy, too, sweet cheeks.

Dr. Doom must be attacking.

Quickly to the fantasticar!

Wow, the Fantastic Four!

All shall kneel before Dr. Doom.

Aaah!

Curses! The Fantastic Flamer.

I'm the Human Torch, you ass.

My one weakness! Ugh!

Ugh!

Oh, did I just hit something?

Oh, guess not.

It sure sounds like I'm dragging something.

But I didn't see anything.

Hey, Dr. Doom. Cool!

Give it up, Doom, you're finished.

Doom shall never cease his efforts

to destroy you all.

Never! Doom is invincible!

Uh, wait.

Great Scott! Ben, what did you do?

He was resisting arrest.

Looks like a clean kill to me.

You're being awfully quiet, Sue.

Bitch.

If I'm here, I wonder where that Ben guy is.

Who is it?

It's clobbering time!

Holy shit!

Yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah!

Does, uh, Vic look different to you?

Now who can tell me a little bit about

the Battle of Hastings?

No, you put your hand down!

I've had enough of your shit! Damn!

Damn! Damn!

I will kill you, you little piece of shit!

Do you understand me?

Anyone else?

Oh, yes!

Where the hell am I? Vibratron to Prime...

the Decepticons must have captured me.

I don't know where I am, but I'll increase vibration.

In other forest news, a local girl

was anally violated by a bear today.

Well, she ate them bears' porridge.

You never eat no bears' porridge.

The victim, 18-year-old Goldilocks Sanchez,

is currently recuperating in the anal recovery wing

of the Westbrook Medical Center.

The accused bear, 34-year-old Papa Bear,

faces serious charges,

but has already signed a five-year contract

with Vivid Video.

What, are you kidding me?

I've got a bear anally porking chicks.

I'll sell a billion copies of Papa Bear Pooper Party.

I mean, thank God we live in a country

where you can film bears having sex with humans, huh?

Oh, wait. We don't?

So long assholes!

I made this snow angel for Grandma

because she is an angel now.

I hate you, Grandma.

This is your captain speaking.

Well, it was a long flight,

but we're on our final approach to London.

Now's the last chance to use those lavatories.

Hmm, they sure are pissing up a storm.

Can our system handle that?

Oh, I'm sure it's fine.

Mayday!

We have a frozen pissball emergency!

So here we are in the hot sun,

the Queen is dead in a crater,

and all around, the ground is soaked with piss.

It's a mystery.

Please enjoy tonight's performance

of Don't Be Ridiculous

starring perfect strangers Bronson Pinchot

and rapper Chris "Ludacris" Bridges.

What's going on, man?

Do you mind if I sit right here?

Don't be ridiculous. Thank you, thank you.

Man, it's a lot of fine-looking hoes out here today,

you know what I'm saying? Yeah!

Don't be ridiculous.

I'm Ludacris. - Don't be ridiculous.

Nah, man, I'm serious.

That's my name, man. It's Ludacris.

Don't be ridiculous.

It's Ludacris.

Don't be ridiculous.

Motherfucker, I am not to be played with.

Are you hearing me?

I will kill your family!

Cousin Larry?

You wanna die, motherfucker?!

Don't be ridiculous.

And I'm not being ridiculous, bitch!

You wanna see ridiculous? This is ridiculous!

That shit was ridiculous.

Thank you. Don't be ridiculous.

Yes, and don't be ridiculous.

Well, my dog is always barking down that hole.

So I figured there's gotta be something in there.

Rats, snakes.

Could be any number of reasons to over bill you,

but not to worry.

I got something that'll take care of the problem.

Eh, will that kill them all?

Nah, it's so I know where to throw this.

it's a happy day

go wrong...

Holy crap! We gotta get outta here.

Run!

Hurry, hurry!

Aah!

Oh, that's bad.

What are we gonna do? We have no home.

Hey, hey, Uncle Traveling Matt has been

sending me postcards from the outer world for years!

With their guidance, I'll find us a new Fraggle Rock.

Wait, stop!

What's wrong, Wembley?

I see a terrible thing coming.

Fire and death. There's blood everywhere!

Something very bad is coming.

You know, you gotta work on the "pre" part

of premonition, douchebag.

In your balls.

Take that. Yeah, kick the balls!

There you go.

I now have a vagina.

What was that?

Uncle Matt says they're called

"beep beep, outta the way, asshole!"

But they're harmless.

Outta the way, asshole!

Death.

You should have warned us.

I'm sure our troubles are all in the past.

Oh, it's right behind us!

Go, go! Go, go!

Hey, guys, help.

Please kill me.

Kill me, please.

Wait, wait! Stop!

I changed my mind!

Hang in there. We're almost done.

I can't go on. Just leave me.

We need food, Gobo.

We're starving.

I smell radishes.

He was right! Look at all the radishes.

Hooray!

Eat up! There's plenty.

We made it!

This is it, gang! This is our new home!

And now, to start repopulating.

Wait! I'm getting another vision.

I see...

see...

that I'm gonna get my freak on!

What is that?

Oh, no!

also also

also also

also also

Ba-gawk! Wow.