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1
00:00:08,608 --> 00:00:11,411
>> I suppose your presence here
Means I made the naughty list.
2
00:00:11,478 --> 00:00:13,546
>> we don't mind a little
Mischief, jayden.
3
00:00:13,613 --> 00:00:18,251
Flashing your wee-wee at the
Maid -- that's one step too far.
4
00:00:18,318 --> 00:00:20,420
>> and where is my mother?
5
00:00:21,821 --> 00:00:23,223
[ sighs ] I see.
6
00:00:23,289 --> 00:00:24,958
And how did she die?
7
00:00:25,024 --> 00:00:27,026
>> not well.
8
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,973
>> [ muffled scream ]
>> she made you work for it, did
9
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:48,548
She?
10
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:50,617
You'll find I'm not so easy.
11
00:00:50,683 --> 00:00:55,255
[ gun cocks ]
[ click, click ]
12
00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:59,192
They say the second one is
Always --
13
00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:03,797
[ toy squeaks ]
>> considerably.
14
00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:04,864
>> aaah!
15
00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:05,899
>> hah!
16
00:01:05,965 --> 00:01:07,967
[ james bond-style music plays ]
>> ha ha!
17
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:56,182
Haa...
18
00:01:56,249 --> 00:02:00,353
Oh, it was a lot funnier when
Jokey smurf did it, huh?
19
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:03,323
>> it's the most beautiful tree
Ever!
20
00:02:03,389 --> 00:02:05,391
>> it certainly is, sweetie!
21
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,494
>> [ crying ] My wife!
22
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:11,731
[ sobs ]
You killed her!
23
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:15,134
And you decorated her!
24
00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:16,536
>> back to your homes!
25
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:20,006
As the first atheist mayor, I am
Shutting down the church.
26
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:21,274
>> but it's christmas!
27
00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:23,810
>> well, you should have thought
Of that when I campaigned as the
28
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,011
First atheist mayor.
29
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:27,780
[ crowd murmurs disapprovingly ]
>> can we at least hear the
30
00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:28,715
Christmas chimes?
31
00:02:28,781 --> 00:02:29,883
>> no!
32
00:02:29,949 --> 00:02:31,951
In fact, I removed the chimey
Thingy that makes the chimey
33
00:02:32,018 --> 00:02:32,418
Noise.
34
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:33,453
So you're screwed!
35
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:37,123
[ laughs evilly ]
Oh, and vote for me in november.
36
00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:39,626
[ dramatic music plays ]
[ bells jingling ]
37
00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:09,055
[ clanging ]
>> daddy! Daddy!
38
00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:14,294
Every time a bell rings, an
Angel gets its wings!
39
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:19,666
[ clanging continues ]
[ dramatic music plays ]
40
00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:22,168
[ air-raid siren wails ]
>> what the --
41
00:03:27,106 --> 00:03:30,043
What the --
Oh, my!
42
00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:32,111
[ gasping ]
[ bell tolls ]
43
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:39,418
>> remember to keep christ in
Christmas!
44
00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:43,222
[ clanging ]
[ clashes ]
45
00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:44,757
>> brought to you by a church.
46
00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:47,260
>> did you remember to get
Mrs. Claus something?
47
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,728
>> [ inhales deeply ]
Go get her a mug from the
48
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,331
Stationery store.
49
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:54,634
[ epic music plays ]
>> the reward for thor's good
50
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:56,336
Deeds -- a shiny bicycle!
51
00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:57,704
>> a lump of coal?!
52
00:03:57,770 --> 00:03:58,771
>> ha ha ha!
53
00:03:58,838 --> 00:04:01,741
I love my son thor and not my
Son loki.
54
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,242
And santa agrees.
55
00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:04,043
Ha ha!
56
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:06,045
My parenting is most
Inequitable.
57
00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:08,781
>> I am off to the
Rainbow bridge to offer rides
58
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:11,918
To the shirtless, muscular
Warriors who there congregate.
59
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:13,152
>> bah!
60
00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:16,656
Next christmas, victory shall
Belong to loki, god of mischief.
61
00:04:16,723 --> 00:04:19,091
[ laughs maniacally ]
[ chuckles ]
62
00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:26,899
[ mockingly ] Ooh, I'm thor, and
I'm very thirsty.
63
00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:32,839
[ glugging ]
[ sighs ]
64
00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:36,009
No one minds if I get another,
Hmm?
65
00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:38,077
[ laughs ]
[ dispenser hisses ]
66
00:04:38,144 --> 00:04:42,148
♪ whoo! ♪
♪ I'm thor, and I'm peeing ♪
67
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:44,417
♪ I've got great aim
'cause I'm the god of thunder ♪
68
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:45,518
>> [ weakly ] Oh, dear.
69
00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:46,284
Hold the door.
70
00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:47,620
>> oh, don't worry. I got it.
71
00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:48,688
Hey, nice to meet you.
72
00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:49,722
Thor, god of thunder.
73
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:50,757
By the way, eat this.
74
00:04:50,823 --> 00:04:52,825
Ha ha!
75
00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:59,966
[ laughing maniacally ]
[ bicycle bell ringing ]
76
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:02,669
>> [ spits ]
By my own beard!
77
00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:05,938
Is it christmas day or
Opposite day?
78
00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:08,675
Nay! It is christmas day!
79
00:05:08,741 --> 00:05:10,610
>> I hath been good! I hath!
80
00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:13,813
Santa claus shall taste a
Thunder god's wrath!
81
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,716
>> [ snickering ]
>> good god!
82
00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:18,985
>> but not good ynough for ye,
Eh?
83
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:21,054
Have at thee!
84
00:05:29,228 --> 00:05:31,230
>> aaaaaaah!
85
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:34,000
>> hyah!
86
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,202
Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
87
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:40,740
>> aaaaaa--
[ crunch ]
88
00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:42,808
[ squish ]
>> thor did none of this!
89
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:49,716
Why would a thunder god refill
His soda e'en after his thirst
90
00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:50,383
Was slaked?
91
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:51,751
Or urinate hither and yon?
92
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:53,820
Or murder an old woman?
93
00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:56,789
Well I diddeth not the other
Two.
94
00:05:56,856 --> 00:06:00,259
I smell my brother's deceitful
Hand in this.
95
00:06:00,326 --> 00:06:01,794
Rise, noble claus.
96
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,963
Thou wast fooled, as was I!
97
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:07,433
Loki's villainy must be
Revealed!
98
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:10,002
>> whoo! I'm thor as hell!
99
00:06:10,069 --> 00:06:11,637
>> he's a madman! Stop him!
100
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:13,139
>> fear not, santa claus!
101
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:16,509
You yourself shall make loki
Pay -- a year hence, when you
102
00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:19,078
Bring him a lump of coal on
Christmas day.
103
00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:21,414
Merry christmas, everyone!
104
00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:23,950
>> god of thunder!
105
00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:26,252
>> I love it when it snows.
106
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:27,854
It's so peaceful.
107
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:31,824
[ all screaming ]
>> aaaaaaah! Oh! Oh, god!
108
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:32,759
I'm falling!
109
00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:34,327
Wha-- what's happening?!
110
00:06:34,393 --> 00:06:37,764
[ screaming continues ]
Is that the ground? Aah!
111
00:06:37,830 --> 00:06:41,334
Holy [bleep]
That's the [bleep] Ground!
112
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:42,602
This is it!
113
00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:44,437
Game over, man!
114
00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:46,372
[ thud ]
>> g-g-get off of me!
115
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:48,641
Oh, you're right on--
Get off of me!
116
00:06:48,707 --> 00:06:50,243
>> I can't! I can't get up!
117
00:06:50,308 --> 00:06:51,477
[ thud ]
[ thud ]
118
00:06:51,544 --> 00:06:52,879
>> ugh! Ungh! U-ungh!
119
00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:54,514
It's a madhouse!
120
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:56,549
It's a madho-o-o-use!
121
00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:58,284
>> I hate snow.
122
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,520
We should go to tahiti next
Christmas.
123
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,455
>> yeah, let's do that!
124
00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:07,727
[ snowflakes screaming ]
>> shhhhhhh.
125
00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:10,062
>> [ chuckles softly ]
[ click, high-pitched whine ]
126
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:11,631
>> huh?
127
00:07:11,697 --> 00:07:12,431
>> awww...
128
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:13,566
>> that's weird.
129
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:14,967
>> all: aaaah!
130
00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:17,737
[ click ]
>> okay, I delivered all the
131
00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:21,507
Bombs.
132
00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:23,075
Now, please don't hurt my
Family!
133
00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:23,976
>> and the jews?
134
00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:25,845
Are the jews dead, too?
135
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:28,181
>> but...Jews don't even have
Christmas.
136
00:07:28,247 --> 00:07:29,549
>> then you have failed!
137
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:30,917
>> n-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
138
00:07:30,983 --> 00:07:33,219
[ gunshots ]
>> don't forget about terrorism
139
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,353
This christmas.
140
00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:38,057
A message from the department of
Ho-ho-homeland security.
141
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,860
[ "O tannenbaum" plays ]
>> I'd like to buy a chain for
142
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:41,961
My husband's watch.
143
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:42,829
>> $75.
144
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:45,531
>> oh, my! I can't afford that.
145
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:46,632
Unless...
146
00:07:46,699 --> 00:07:48,768
I'd like to sell my hair,
Please.
147
00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:53,005
[ click, clippers buzzing ]
>> I'd like to buy some brushes
148
00:07:53,072 --> 00:07:54,841
For my wife's beautiful hair,
Please.
149
00:07:54,907 --> 00:07:56,008
>> $75.
150
00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:58,077
>> for brushes? What the [bleep]
What are they, solid gold?
151
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:01,881
My watch is 75 bucks, and it is
A [bleep] Antique!
152
00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:05,718
[ watch ticking ]
>> what the [bleep] Happened to
153
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:06,919
You?
154
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,522
>> I wanted to buy you a chain
For your watch, so I-I sold my
155
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:10,556
Hair to do it.
156
00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:12,825
>> holy [bleep]
You look like you have cancer!
157
00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:15,061
Couldn't you have just let me
Keep my beautiful wife for
158
00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:15,628
Christmas?!
159
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:16,529
>> you don't like it?
160
00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:18,364
>> well, here's where the irony
Kicks in!
161
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:21,467
I wanted to get you hairbrushes
For christmas, but the man said
162
00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:23,603
I'd have to sell my watch to
Afford them.
163
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,171
>> oh, no! You sold your watch?
164
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:25,972
>> [bleep] No!
165
00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:27,006
What am I -- crazy?
166
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,274
For brushes?!
167
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,943
I think the cat brush is just as
[bleep] Good, and that thing was
168
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:31,978
A buck fifty!
169
00:08:32,044 --> 00:08:34,313
>> [ voice breaking ] So you
Didn't get me brushes?
170
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:36,414
>> what, did they shave your
Ears, too?
171
00:08:36,482 --> 00:08:37,750
I said "No" already!
172
00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:40,720
>> oh. [ chuckles nervously ]
Then what did you get me?
173
00:08:40,786 --> 00:08:42,087
>> lingerie!
174
00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:44,557
Now go pop that sucker on.
175
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:46,626
This too.
176
00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:47,526
>> yeah...
177
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:50,463
I'm gonna go stay with my mom
For a while.
178
00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:53,733
[ sleigh bells ringing ]
>> how's the view back there,
179
00:08:53,799 --> 00:08:54,700
Buddy?
180
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:56,769
The light at the end of the
Tunnel is my ass.
181
00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:58,638
>> [ gags ]
>> huh?
182
00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:00,706
>> [ echoing ] He-e-lp m-e-e-e!
183
00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:03,342
>> put 'er down, boys.
184
00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:04,677
Help is coming, little boy!
185
00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:05,811
Are you hurt?
186
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:08,581
>> I've been down here three
Days with no food or water!
187
00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:11,484
[ voice breaking ] And I pooped
In my pants!
188
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:12,518
>> three days?!
189
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:14,587
He could die of thirst before we
Reach him!
190
00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:15,554
>> not on my watch!
191
00:09:15,621 --> 00:09:17,690
>> what are you --
Comet, stop peeing on that
192
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:18,357
Child!
193
00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:19,859
>> I saw it on "Man vs. Wild."
194
00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:23,195
You can drink pee, pee it out,
And drink it again -- three
195
00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:24,330
Times if you want!
196
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:25,932
>> this rain tastes like oats.
197
00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:28,134
>> the fire department is on its
Way.
198
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,302
>> there's no time!
199
00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:30,836
>> comet, no!
200
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,439
[ thunk ]
Comet?
201
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:34,307
>> um...
202
00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:37,143
Okay, I'm stuck like halfway
Down.
203
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:38,644
[ hooves scraping ]
Almost there.
204
00:09:38,711 --> 00:09:39,912
[ smack ]
[ sirens wail ]
205
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:42,682
>> could have thrown a rope and
Harness down to the kid, except
206
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:44,684
Your reindeer is pluggin' up the
Hole now.
207
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,018
>> just throw down a grenade!
208
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:47,153
>> what?!
209
00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:49,155
>> throw down one grenade to
Launch me toward the bottom.
210
00:09:49,221 --> 00:09:51,958
Then I'll grab the boy with my
Teeth, and you can throw down a
211
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:54,293
Second grenade to launch me to
The surface!
212
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,762
>> your deer don't know [bleep]
About grenades, does he?
213
00:09:56,829 --> 00:09:58,931
>> he spends most of his life on
A frozen tundra.
214
00:09:58,998 --> 00:10:01,434
Reindeer don't know [bleep]
About [bleep] Quite frankly.
215
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:04,403
>> so, listen, thanks to your
Deer, we're gonna have to
216
00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:06,706
Excavate half this field.
217
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:13,179
>> oh, my god!
218
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,016
Comet?! Little boy?!
219
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,050
>> thank you, comet!
220
00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:18,918
You've saved me!
221
00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:20,052
>> aw, ain't no thing.
222
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,588
>> actually, about 100
Volunteers working around the
223
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:24,924
Clock with heavy machinery were
The ones who --
224
00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:26,158
>> I love you, mr. Comet!
225
00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:29,462
>> I love you, too,
Mr. Little boy!
226
00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:30,196
>> ugh.
227
00:10:30,262 --> 00:10:31,130
That still freaks me out.
228
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:34,867
>> yeah, it's 100% badass, all
Right.
229
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:37,036
>> take us back to the
North pole.
230
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:38,571
A-and don't say the line.
231
00:10:38,637 --> 00:10:40,206
>> aw, I got to say the line.
232
00:10:40,272 --> 00:10:40,773
Please?
233
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:41,574
Ple-e-e-ase?
234
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,676
>> [ groans ]
Fine. Fine. Whatever.
235
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:46,579
>> [ clears throat ]
Legs, where we're going, we
236
00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:49,448
Don't need legs!
237
00:10:49,515 --> 00:10:51,884
Yeah!
238
00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:53,953
And away we go!
239
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:56,022
[ upbeat christmas music plays ]
>> [ crying ]
240
00:11:13,539 --> 00:11:14,540
>> how was I supposed to know he
Was allergic to nuts?
16901
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