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>> [ laughs maniacally ]
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>> [ mechanical breathing ]
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>> [ laughs maniacally ]
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>> what in the [bleep] Is --
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>> palpatine: [ chuckles ]
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So I threw the senate at him.
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[ laughter ]
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The whole senate!
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True story!
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>> oh, my god, that is so funny.
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>> [ laughing ] You made it come
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Out of my nose.
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[ telephone rings ]
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>> palpatine: go for papa
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Palpatine.
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>> you have a collect call
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From...
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>> vader: [ mechanical
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Breathing ]
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Darth vader.
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>> palpatine: [ sighs ]
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I got to take this.
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Hold on.
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Vader, how's my favorite sith?
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Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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Whoa. Whoa.
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Just slow down.
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Huh?
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What do you mean, they blew up
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The death star?
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[bleep]
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Oh [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]
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Who's "They"?
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What the hell is an aluminum
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Falcon?
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[ sighs ]
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Okay, okay, so who's left?
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Are you [bleep] Me?
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Well, where are you?
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Wait a sec, you been flying
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Around for two weeks trying to
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Get a signal?
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You must smell like feet wrapped
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In leathery, burnt bacon.
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Oh, oh, oh, I-I'm sorry.
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I thought my dark lord of the
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Sith could protect a small
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Thermal-exhaust port that's only
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Two meters wide.
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That thing wasn't even fully
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Paid off yet.
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Do you have any idea what this
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Is gonna do to my credit?
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[ telephone rings ]
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Hang on, I got another call.
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What?!
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I'm very busy right now!
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Oh.
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Oh, well, where are they going?
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Oh, all right.
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Um, just get me a turkey club.
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Uh, cole slaw, I guess.
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I'm not even gonna eat it.
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What are you getting?
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No, see, I always order the
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Wrong thing.
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No, no, no, I'll just stick with
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That.
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Okay, bye.
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W-what?
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Oh, cherry coke.
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Thanks.
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Sorry about that.
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[ sighs ]
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What?
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Oh, oh, "Just rebuild it"?
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Real [bleep] Original.
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And who's gonna give me a loan,
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Jackhole?
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You?
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You got an atm on that torso
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Lite-brite?
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Now get your 7'2" asthmatic ass
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Back here, or I'm gonna tell
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Everyone what a whiny bitch you
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Were about padamami or
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Panda bear or whatever the hell
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Her name is.
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Oh, jeez, he's crying.
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[ chuckles ]
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Hey, hey, hey, hey.
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Come on, come on, don't do that.
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Just -- just -- look, I'm just
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Dealing with a lot of crap right
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Now.
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Death star blown up by a bunch
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Of [bleep] Teenagers, you know?
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I didn't mean to snap.
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O-okay, just get back here.
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Okay.
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Okay, bye.
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Y-- I --
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I love you, too.
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>> what'll it be, pal?
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>> jawa: martini!
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>> [ whistling ]
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Oh, jee-- oh, my god.
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I got to get that transfer to
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Coruscant.
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>> I guess we'll have to eat
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This boring oatmeal.
112
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>> adm. Ackbar: it's a trap!
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>> both: wow! Admiral ackbar!
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Wow! Admiral ackbar cereal!
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>> colorful marshmallows!
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>> imitation crab meat!
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>> adm. Ackbar: your tongues
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Can't repel flavor of that
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Magnitude.
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>> there's a prize in every box.
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>> admiral ackbar cereal, now
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With brine shrimp.
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>> ponda: [ sighs ]
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[ speaking aqualish ]
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>> evazan: whazuuuuup, ponda!
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Let's bust out early and hit
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That new cantina across the
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Street.
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Come on!
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One drink ain't gonna kill you.
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[ up-tempo music plays ]
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>> [ babbling ]
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>> [ squeaking ]
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>> evazan: like I'm really gonna
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Eat a bunch of bananas after
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That?!
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[ both laugh ]
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He doesn't like you.
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>> luke: I'm sorry.
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>> evazan: I don't like you,
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Either.
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You better watch yourself.
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We're wanted men.
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I have the death sentence on
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12 systems.
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>> luke: I'll be careful.
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>> evazan: you'll be dead!
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>> ponda: [ screaming ]
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>> gee, ponda, I just don't see
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How you can keep designing with
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No drawing arm.
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I'm sorry, but we have to let
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You go.
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[ alarm buzzes ]
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>> c-3po: oh -- oh, dear.
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My keys.
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[ chuckles ]
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>> qui-gon: it's almost open.
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Hold on to this.
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>> whoa, coming through!
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>> the wall's on fire!
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[ elephant trumpets ]
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>> what was that?
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>> it was a lightsaber!
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>> this is my first day!
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[ car alarm blares ]
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>> vader: what the --
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Little help?
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>> welcome to orientation day
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Here on the jolly, old death
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Star.
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There are a few things we want
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To go over with you concerning
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Lord vader.
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First and foremost, he thinks he
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Has the power to strangle us.
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Truth is, he doesn't.
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If he ever realized this, he
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Would kill us with his
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Lightsaber.
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Thus, to keep us safe, we'll all
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Pretend to get strangled.
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Okay, let's try a practice.
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Commander winston here will
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Assist me.
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I'm going to hold out my hand
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Like lord vader, and he will
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Pretend to be strangled.
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Gasping for air.
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Grabs throat, yes.
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Eyes back, and he's down.
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Good show, commander.
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Now two of the floor chiefs will
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Retrieve the corpse, redress
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Him, add a mustache, and he's
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Back to work as
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Lieutenant leopold.
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Vader has the satisfaction of
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Killing someone, and we stay
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Amongst the living.
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Why, private perkins over there
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Has been strangled over
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30 times, haven't you, perkins?
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[ laughs ]
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Good man.
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>> luke: yeah!
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This is awesome!
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R2, patch me through.
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I want to call uncle owen and
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Aunt --
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Ohh.
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[ elevator bell dings ]
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>> [ gasps ]
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You're george lucas!
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>> george: uh, I take it you're
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Here for the "Star wars"
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Convention?
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>> I sure am.
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Want to see my costume?
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>> george: um...
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>> see?
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I'm a tauntaun.
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But I don't have to tell you.
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You invented tauntauns.
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>> george: well, that's very
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Interesting.
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>> listen to my tauntaun call!
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[ growling ]
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[ elevator bell dings ]
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>> george: nicely done.
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Oh, dear god.
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>> oh, my god!
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George lucas!
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>> I love you!
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Give me a baby!
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>> quickly, sir!
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Onto my back!
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I am your steed.
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>> george: uh...
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I have a bad feeling about this.
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>> [ growling ]
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>> george: oh, dear god.
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[ crowd gasps ]
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>> george: oh, well, um...
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And I thought they smelled bad
246
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On the outside.
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[ laughter and applause ]
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>> just like in the movie!
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Me?
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Thank you!
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Thank you!
252
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And that was the greatest day of
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My whole life.
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>> what about when I was born?
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>> not even close.
256
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>> luke: but with the blast
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Shield down, I can't even see.
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How am I supposed to fight?
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Ooh!
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Ooh!
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>> [ roars ]
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Oh, damn it!
263
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>> what is it?
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>> I never get a spaceship.
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I never get anything.
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>> should we order some chinese
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Food?
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>> I don't know, I guess.
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>> we'll get some chinese.
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[ telephone dialing ]
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Hello, could we get, um...
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What do you think, 5 million
273
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Tons of kung pao chicken?
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>> that's good.
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>> yeah, 3 million pot stickers
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And one order of scallion
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Pancakes.
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>> get some fried rice.
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>> 5 million tons of fried rice.
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Cash or charge?
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It's -- hold on.
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We're just gonna gobble him up
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When he gets here, right?
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>> yeah, of course.
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>> cash, then.
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>> mace: [ screaming ]
287
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,121
That mother--
288
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,088
>> [ sighs ]
289
00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:45,024
I got to get that transfer to
290
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:46,225
The death star.
291
00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:47,660
>> mr. President, your vitals
292
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:48,694
All check out fine.
293
00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:49,929
There is just one thing.
294
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:51,130
Your midi-chlorian count is
295
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,131
Extraordinarily high.
296
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,399
>> pres. Bush: does that mean
297
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:54,700
That I'm one of them, whatcha
298
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:58,971
Call 'em, jedis?
299
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,973
[ chuckles ]
300
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,909
>> laura: oh, not tonight.
301
00:09:02,975 --> 00:09:04,310
I'm tired, honey.
302
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,912
>> pres. Bush: you're not tired.
303
00:09:05,978 --> 00:09:07,380
You want to have a threesome.
304
00:09:07,446 --> 00:09:08,614
>> laura: I'm not tired.
305
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:11,117
I want to have a threesome.
306
00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:12,385
>> george: get me condi.
307
00:09:12,451 --> 00:09:13,886
[ chuckles ]
308
00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:17,790
[ tires screech ]
309
00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:19,158
>> pres. Clinton: oh, sorry,
310
00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:19,992
"W."
311
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:21,394
Big mac attack.
312
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,963
Yee-hoo!
313
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:24,830
Hey, hey, whoa!
314
00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:27,967
What the dilly?
315
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:30,236
>> pres. Bush: [ chuckles ]
316
00:09:32,705 --> 00:09:33,773
[ chuckles ]
317
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:35,241
Saber beats rock.
318
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:36,375
[ rumbling ]
319
00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:38,511
What in the hell?
320
00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:53,926
>> pres. Lincoln: who dares
321
00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:55,161
Disturb my slumber?
322
00:09:55,227 --> 00:09:56,662
>> pres. Bush: who dares
323
00:09:56,729 --> 00:10:00,333
Question my...Daring...Of his
324
00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:01,233
Dare?
325
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:02,134
Jerk!
326
00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:03,636
>> pres. Lincoln: it is I, I who
327
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:05,037
Freed the slaves, I who
328
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:05,771
United --
329
00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:07,139
>> pres. Bush: boring.
330
00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:09,075
Let's fight!
331
00:10:20,252 --> 00:10:21,721
>> pres. Lincoln: if you
332
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:23,222
Strike me down, I shall
333
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:24,790
Become -- wait, let me finish!
334
00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:25,825
Aah!
335
00:10:25,891 --> 00:10:26,826
>> pres. Bush: that'll teach
336
00:10:26,892 --> 00:10:28,027
You, george washington!
337
00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:30,496
Jenna, get over here right now!
338
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:32,198
I am your father!
339
00:10:32,264 --> 00:10:34,567
>> jenna: that's not true.
340
00:10:34,633 --> 00:10:36,335
That's impossible.
341
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:38,571
My real father would let me go
342
00:10:38,637 --> 00:10:40,606
Clubbing as late as I want!
343
00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:42,074
>> pres. Bush: you little --
344
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:42,975
>> jenna: ow.
345
00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:44,510
>> pres. Bush: oh, no, baby, I'm
346
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:45,111
Sorry.
347
00:10:45,177 --> 00:10:45,911
>> jenna: aah!
348
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,646
You suck!
349
00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:51,017
>> pres. Bush: nooooo!
350
00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:51,951
[ snoring ]
351
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:52,952
What -- huh?
352
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,420
Was it just a dream?
353
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,621
>> mr, president, we still
354
00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:56,922
Haven't found any weapons of
355
00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:57,790
Mass destruction.
356
00:10:57,857 --> 00:10:59,125
>> pres. Bush: you have found
357
00:10:59,191 --> 00:11:01,093
Weapons of mass destruction.
358
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,562
>> uh...Hi.
359
00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:04,597
We haven't.
360
00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:06,432
>> pres. Bush: you have.
361
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:07,833
>> I don't know what you're
362
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:08,734
Doing.
363
00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:09,935
>> pres. Bush: bring me a taco.
364
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:10,736
>> yes, sir.
365
00:11:10,803 --> 00:11:12,705
>> pres. Bush: tacos rule.
366
00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:19,245
>> cloud city will be cloudy
367
00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:20,546
This evening, followed by
368
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:23,049
Clouds.
369
00:11:23,115 --> 00:11:25,851
>> get your own tauntaun!
370
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:29,588
>> luke: your overconfidence is
371
00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:30,489
Your weakness.
372
00:11:30,556 --> 00:11:31,791
>> palpatine: your faith in your
373
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:32,658
Friends is yours.
374
00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:33,959
>> luke: faith in yo mama.
375
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:35,261
>> palpatine: what was that?
376
00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:36,996
>> luke: I said, yo mama's so
377
00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:38,464
Fat, jabba the hutt said,
378
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:39,231
"Da-a-a-mn!"
379
00:11:39,298 --> 00:11:40,533
>> palpatine: well, your
380
00:11:40,599 --> 00:11:42,168
Mother's so ugly, she put the
381
00:11:42,234 --> 00:11:43,135
"Ug" in ugnaught.
382
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:45,137
>> vader: oh, yo mama fight!
383
00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:49,909
>> luke: yo mama's so stupid,
384
00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:51,677
She spent all day saying, "Am
385
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:52,578
Not," to r2.
386
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:53,679
[ crowd shouts ]
387
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:55,448
>> palpatine: your mother is so
388
00:11:55,514 --> 00:11:56,949
Fat that ben kenobi said,
389
00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:58,017
"That's no moon."
390
00:11:58,084 --> 00:11:59,118
That's your mama!"
391
00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:00,119
[ crowd shouts ]
392
00:12:00,186 --> 00:12:01,787
>> luke: yo mama's so dumb,
393
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:03,456
She thought jar jar comes with
394
00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:04,490
Pickles pickles!
395
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,491
[ crowd shouts ]
396
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,226
>> palpatine: your mother is so
397
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:09,562
Stupid, she -- she thinks a
398
00:12:09,628 --> 00:12:12,031
Lightsaber has fewer calories.
399
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:13,232
[ crowd murmurs ]
400
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:14,233
>> I don't get it.
401
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:15,568
>> palpatine: it's light.
402
00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:16,502
Like it's light.
403
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,037
Like, light means that there's
404
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:19,605
Not a lot of calories and it's
405
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:20,739
Good...For your body.
406
00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:22,041
That's how stupid your mother
407
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,109
Is.
408
00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:24,477
>> luke: yo mama is so stupid,
409
00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:26,145
She went to bangkok to get a
410
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:27,279
Tie fighter.
411
00:12:27,346 --> 00:12:28,147
And luke wins!
412
00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:29,582
>> palpatine: what are you
413
00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:30,282
Doing?
414
00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:31,250
What are you doing?!
415
00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:32,017
Put me down!
416
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:35,654
[ screaming ]
417
00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:38,624
>> oh, come on.
418
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:39,792
What are they doing up there all
419
00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:41,160
The time?
420
00:12:43,629 --> 00:12:45,798
>> what's happened up there?
421
00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:47,133
>> han: uh, we had a slight
422
00:12:47,199 --> 00:12:48,300
Weapons malfunction, but
423
00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:49,635
Everything's perfectly all right
424
00:12:49,902 --> 00:12:50,603
Now.
425
00:12:50,669 --> 00:12:51,403
We're all fine here now.
426
00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:52,538
Thank you. How are you?
427
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:53,906
>> we're sending a squad up.
428
00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:54,807
>> han: negative.
429
00:12:54,874 --> 00:12:56,308
We had a reactor leak here now.
430
00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:57,209
Give us a minute.
431
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:58,677
Large leak, very dangerous.
432
00:12:58,744 --> 00:13:00,246
>> there's no reactor on that
433
00:13:00,312 --> 00:13:01,147
Floor.
434
00:13:01,213 --> 00:13:02,381
>> han: yes, well...I talked to
435
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,883
Dave johnson in stormtrooper
436
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:05,484
Engineering, and he said there
437
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:06,552
Is a reactor here.
438
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:07,520
>> dave johnson?
439
00:13:07,586 --> 00:13:08,621
Hang on one second.
440
00:13:08,687 --> 00:13:10,289
Okay, I have dave johnson on the
441
00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:11,090
Line.
442
00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:12,191
Dave, did you tell someone
443
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:13,726
There's a reactor in prisoner
444
00:13:13,792 --> 00:13:14,560
Control room?
445
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:15,828
>> dave: uh, no, there's no
446
00:13:15,895 --> 00:13:16,662
Reactor there.
447
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:17,897
>> han: I don't know what to
448
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,098
Tell you, but I'm staring
449
00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:20,166
Straight at a reactor.
450
00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:21,967
Maybe vader had it installed
451
00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:22,801
Yesterday.
452
00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:24,170
>> hang on a second.
453
00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:25,771
>> vader: what do you want?
454
00:13:25,838 --> 00:13:27,640
>> lord vader, did you install a
455
00:13:27,706 --> 00:13:29,441
Reactor in the prisoner control
456
00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:30,309
Room?
457
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:31,477
>> vader: um...Not that I know
458
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:32,378
Of.
459
00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:33,279
Hang on one second.
460
00:13:33,345 --> 00:13:35,214
Sheila, can you get me the plans
461
00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:36,415
To the death star?
462
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,984
Okeydokey, the plans here --
463
00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:40,786
Let me have a look.
464
00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:42,688
[ singing indistinctly ]
465
00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:46,892
Reactor, reactor, reactor.
466
00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:48,360
No reactor that I can see, but
467
00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:49,628
Might as well put one in.
468
00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:51,163
There's always room for another
469
00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:52,064
Reactor.
470
00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:53,265
>> we'll send a team up to build
471
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:54,165
The new reactor.
472
00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:55,467
>> han: no, not necessary.
473
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:56,835
We've got it under control.
474
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:58,537
Boring conversation anyway.
475
00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:00,439
Okay, let's build this reactor.
476
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:01,907
>> vader: inform the emperor
477
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:03,442
That the jedi temple has been
478
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:04,076
Sealed.
479
00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:04,910
>> yes, my lord.
480
00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:05,844
>> jar jar: ani?
481
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:06,946
Ani! Little ani!
482
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,614
>> vader: jar jar, I am no
483
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,149
Longer anakin skywalker.
484
00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:12,051
>> jar jar: these are some nice
485
00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:12,918
Duds.
486
00:14:12,985 --> 00:14:14,420
>> vader: look, jar jar, it is
487
00:14:14,486 --> 00:14:15,421
Very important...
488
00:14:15,487 --> 00:14:16,222
[groans]
489
00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:17,456
That you never speak to me
490
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:18,324
Again.
491
00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:18,991
>> jar jar: what'sa happen to
492
00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:19,959
You?
493
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:20,626
Yousa burn your face --
494
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:21,860
Aaaah!
495
00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:23,162
Ani-bo-bani!
496
00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:25,197
What'sa happen to you?
497
00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:26,966
>> vader: jar jar, homey, my
498
00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,801
Main man, quickly, before the
499
00:14:28,867 --> 00:14:30,803
Separatists attack, get into the
500
00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:31,670
Escape pod.
501
00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:33,272
>> jar jar: hey, if this is
502
00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:34,873
Escape, then where the pod?
503
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:37,142
Yousa forgot the pod!
504
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,578
Whoo!
505
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:45,618
>> vader: [ sighs ]
506
00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:47,253
[ chuckles ]
507
00:14:47,319 --> 00:14:48,654
>> jar jar: ani, look!
508
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,289
Yousa not gonna believe it!
509
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:51,757
Meesa all sparkly glowy.
510
00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:53,459
Now weesa gonna have all the
511
00:14:53,525 --> 00:14:55,394
Time to spend together.
512
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:57,096
I love you, ani!
513
00:14:57,162 --> 00:14:58,297
[ cheers ]
514
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,599
Ani, yeah!
515
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:02,468
>> and toshi station is proud to
516
00:15:02,534 --> 00:15:06,171
Present the power converters!
517
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:08,507
Oh, yeah!
518
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:11,176
>> boba: [ muttering ]
519
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,912
Hey, mr. Solo.
520
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:14,947
Solo on the rocks.
521
00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:16,181
You can't beat me, I'm
522
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:17,049
Boba fett!
523
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:18,417
I'm the greatest bounty hunter
524
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:19,118
Ever.
525
00:15:19,184 --> 00:15:19,885
[ imitates gunfire ]
526
00:15:19,952 --> 00:15:20,886
Oh, yeah.
527
00:15:20,953 --> 00:15:22,021
What's that, solo?
528
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,489
Oh, blasters aren't fair?
529
00:15:23,555 --> 00:15:25,090
Okay, dig it -- no blasters.
530
00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:25,991
Oh, ah!
531
00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:27,459
Didn't see that one coming, did
532
00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:28,160
You, huh?
533
00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:29,028
So slow.
534
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:30,462
You thought I was over there,
535
00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:31,430
But guess what.
536
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:33,899
[ laughing ] Over here.
537
00:15:33,966 --> 00:15:34,733
Oh, yeah.
538
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,602
A little rope-a-dope, huh?
539
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,437
Left-right-left-right, oh!
540
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:39,338
[ laughs ]
541
00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:41,640
Down goes solo.
542
00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:42,708
[ breathing heavily ]
543
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:44,877
Huh?
544
00:15:44,943 --> 00:15:46,278
What's that?
545
00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:48,147
Oh, you want a face-to-face?
546
00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:49,915
Let me just take this bad boy
547
00:15:50,182 --> 00:15:50,949
Off.
548
00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:52,217
Oh, he's even better looking
549
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,385
Without the helmet.
550
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:54,386
Surprise ending.
551
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:56,588
Huh? You want me to come closer?
552
00:15:56,655 --> 00:15:58,257
Oh, you don't want to fight
553
00:15:58,324 --> 00:15:59,091
Anymore?
554
00:15:59,158 --> 00:16:00,259
Oh, your hands are up there
555
00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:01,660
Almost like you're begging --
556
00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:03,062
Begging for a little piece of
557
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:03,962
Boba.
558
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:05,397
Yeah, you like that, don't you?
559
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:07,266
You like it 'cause you're bad.
560
00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:08,033
Oh, yeah.
561
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:10,035
You dirty little smuggler.
562
00:16:12,604 --> 00:16:14,340
>> chewbacca: [ growls ]
563
00:16:14,406 --> 00:16:16,675
>> vader: turn to the dark side
564
00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:17,776
And join me.
565
00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:19,978
>> luke: I'll never join you!
566
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:21,847
You killed my father!
567
00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:24,717
>> vader: no, luke, I am your
568
00:16:24,783 --> 00:16:25,684
Father.
569
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:27,986
>> luke: that's not true.
570
00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:29,755
That's impossible!
571
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,790
>> vader: and princess leia is
572
00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:32,758
Your sister.
573
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,493
>> luke: that's not true!
574
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,662
That's...Improbable.
575
00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:39,832
>> vader: and the empire will be
576
00:16:39,898 --> 00:16:41,834
Defeated by ewoks.
577
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:42,968
>> luke: that's...
578
00:16:43,035 --> 00:16:43,836
[ chuckles ]
579
00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:45,437
Very unlikely.
580
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:48,107
>> vader: and as a child, I
581
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:50,809
Built c-3po.
582
00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:52,511
>> luke: huh?
583
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,079
>> vader: and the force?
584
00:16:54,146 --> 00:16:55,914
Well, that's just microscopic
585
00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:57,683
Bacteria in your bloodstream
586
00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:01,320
Called midi-chlorians.
587
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:02,755
>> luke: look, if you're not
588
00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:04,056
Gonna take this seriously, I'm
589
00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:05,357
Out.
590
00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:07,025
>> palpatine: as you can see, my
591
00:17:07,092 --> 00:17:08,594
Young apprentice, your friends
592
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:09,361
Have --
593
00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:11,163
[ hammering, whirring ]
594
00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:13,165
Your friends have failed.
595
00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:13,732
Now --
596
00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:14,633
[ grinding ]
597
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,300
Now witness the firepower of --
598
00:17:16,367 --> 00:17:18,170
[ loud grinding ]
599
00:17:18,237 --> 00:17:20,539
Fully armed and operational --
600
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:22,241
Oh, come on!
601
00:17:22,307 --> 00:17:25,010
[ grinding continues ]
602
00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:26,845
Hey, fellas!
603
00:17:26,912 --> 00:17:27,980
Excuse me.
604
00:17:28,046 --> 00:17:29,381
Excuse me.
605
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:31,150
[ noise stops ]
606
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:32,718
Hey, the force is strong with
607
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:33,619
This one, eh?
608
00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:35,220
What do you got there, a latte?
609
00:17:35,287 --> 00:17:36,655
You ever have the hazelnut
610
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:37,356
Macchiato?
611
00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:39,758
Change your life.
612
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:42,861
Anywho...Tony, right?
613
00:17:42,928 --> 00:17:43,629
>> ray: ray.
614
00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:45,030
>> palpatine: ray, sorry.
615
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:45,931
I get mixed up.
616
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:49,034
Who's tony?
617
00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:50,636
Anyway, I hate to interrupt.
618
00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,037
I know you're very busy.
619
00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:53,539
Is there any way you could
620
00:17:53,605 --> 00:17:55,107
Finish this area, you know,
621
00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:55,941
Later?
622
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,309
I'm kind of in the middle of
623
00:17:57,376 --> 00:17:58,143
Something.
624
00:17:58,210 --> 00:17:59,711
>> ray: look, mr. Saltine, I
625
00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:01,580
Don't tell you how to...Threaten
626
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:03,449
Your blond kid, so why don't you
627
00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:04,983
Go back over there to your
628
00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:06,485
Sit-and-spin and let me do my
629
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:07,553
Job?
630
00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:08,654
>> palpatine: okay, copy that.
631
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:09,555
Good talk.
632
00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:11,523
They'll just be a little longer.
633
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:13,525
I'd tell them to stop, but, you
634
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,928
Know...No speak-o minimum
635
00:18:15,994 --> 00:18:16,695
Wage-o.
636
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:17,796
[ chuckles ]
637
00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:19,131
So, where was I?
638
00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:20,399
Oh, right, right.
639
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:22,334
Now witness the firepower...
640
00:18:22,401 --> 00:18:25,604
[ loud drilling ]
641
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:26,772
[ upbeat "Star wars" theme
642
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,774
Plays ]
643
00:18:39,718 --> 00:18:40,886
>> jabba the hutt's hottest
644
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,321
Singer was blown to smithereens,
645
00:18:42,387 --> 00:18:43,555
But his rock 'n' roll will never
646
00:18:43,822 --> 00:18:44,656
Die.
647
00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:45,557
Presenting max reebo's greatest
648
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:46,959
Hits, including "Why do I look
649
00:18:47,025 --> 00:18:48,026
Like an elephant?"...
650
00:18:48,093 --> 00:18:49,428
>> max: [ singing in
651
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:50,662
Native language ]
652
00:18:50,729 --> 00:18:51,930
>> "Ooh, I have an average
653
00:18:51,997 --> 00:18:55,234
Memory"...
654
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,668
And his grammy award-winning
655
00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:58,203
Single, "I already told you I'm
656
00:18:58,270 --> 00:19:01,406
Not an elephant"...
657
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,208
And his famous duet with
658
00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:04,610
Nsync's joey fatone.
659
00:19:04,676 --> 00:19:06,578
>> joey: ♪ neither of us is an
660
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:08,747
Elephant ♪
661
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:09,982
>> max reebo's greatest hits,
662
00:19:10,048 --> 00:19:11,250
The guy who looks like a blue
663
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:11,750
Elephant.
664
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:12,985
Order now.
665
00:19:13,051 --> 00:19:15,354
[ mid-tempo music plays ]
666
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:16,255
>> zuckuss: ya ya ya!
667
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:17,422
Okay, everybody.
668
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,057
Welcome back to the show.
669
00:19:19,124 --> 00:19:20,659
We have a surprise guest
670
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:21,560
Tonight.
671
00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:22,895
I really wasn't expecting this.
672
00:19:22,961 --> 00:19:24,196
Emperor palpatine is here.
673
00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:26,164
>> palpatine: silence!
674
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:26,899
Fear me!
675
00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:28,567
>> zuckuss: so, tell me,
676
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:30,102
Your highness, how do you plan
677
00:19:30,168 --> 00:19:31,670
On putting down this rebellion?
678
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:33,105
>> palpatine: by shooting it
679
00:19:33,171 --> 00:19:34,773
With lightning!
680
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,175
That's how I solve all my
681
00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:38,277
Problems.
682
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:39,978
And then afterwards, I shall eat
683
00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:40,846
Pudding.
684
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,214
>> zuckuss: [ laughing ] Okay.
685
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:43,815
But seriously, the rebels have
686
00:19:43,882 --> 00:19:44,983
Already caused major
687
00:19:45,050 --> 00:19:45,851
Disruptions.
688
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:47,319
>> palpatine: I'll show you a
689
00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:49,454
Major disruption...
690
00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:52,057
A major disruption in my adult
691
00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:53,458
Undergarments.
692
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:54,493
>> zuckuss: okay.
693
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:55,861
>> palpatine: can we get out of
694
00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:56,728
Here?
695
00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:57,629
Seriously, francis, it's time
696
00:19:57,696 --> 00:19:58,630
For my soap operas.
697
00:19:58,697 --> 00:19:59,865
>> zuckuss: it's zuckuss.
698
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,066
>> palpatine: peace out,
699
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:01,633
Fly-face!
700
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:02,534
Fear me!
701
00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:04,102
>> zuckuss: okay, that was fun.
702
00:20:04,169 --> 00:20:05,904
Let's bring out our next guest,
703
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:07,205
The lord of the sith,
704
00:20:07,272 --> 00:20:08,574
Darth vader!
705
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:11,176
[ upbeat music plays ]
706
00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:12,044
Hey, easy.
707
00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:13,979
You could hurt somebody with
708
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:14,713
That.
709
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:15,681
Easy, boy. Easy, boy.
710
00:20:15,747 --> 00:20:17,049
Okay, well, that's our show
711
00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:17,950
Tonight.
712
00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:19,084
Stay tuned for "Late-night talk"
713
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:21,053
With sinbad.
714
00:20:24,756 --> 00:20:26,892
>> leia: that was so wrong.
715
00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:28,660
>> ladies and gentlemen, welcome
716
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:31,763
To empire on ice!
717
00:20:31,830 --> 00:20:33,765
>> luke: ♪ the empire is chasing
718
00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:34,733
Us ♪
719
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:35,701
♪ they simply will not cease ♪
720
00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:36,702
>> han: ♪ oh, man, my nuts are
721
00:20:36,768 --> 00:20:37,603
Freezing, kid ♪
722
00:20:37,669 --> 00:20:38,704
♪ I'm up out this bitch ♪
723
00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:40,572
>> both: peace!
724
00:20:40,639 --> 00:20:42,374
>> ♪ I'm the wampa ♪
725
00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:44,076
♪ I'm the snowman ♪
726
00:20:44,142 --> 00:20:46,378
♪ and I don't take any lip from
727
00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:48,380
No man ♪
728
00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:50,749
>> luke: but --
729
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:53,785
[ soft music plays ]
730
00:20:53,852 --> 00:20:57,055
>> han: ♪ I know you want me
731
00:20:57,122 --> 00:20:59,391
Bad, princess ♪
732
00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:02,227
♪ you know you're such a
733
00:21:02,294 --> 00:21:04,696
Flirter ♪
734
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:07,799
>> leia: ♪ shut up, you scruffy
735
00:21:07,866 --> 00:21:10,502
Nerf-herder ♪
736
00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:11,903
>> c-3po: ♪ luke, he hasn't
737
00:21:11,970 --> 00:21:12,904
Checked in yet ♪
738
00:21:12,971 --> 00:21:14,539
♪ it might be that he is done ♪
739
00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,074
♪ his chances of surviving
740
00:21:16,141 --> 00:21:16,942
Here ♪
741
00:21:17,009 --> 00:21:18,744
♪ are 10,000,005-to-1 ♪
742
00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:20,178
>> r2-d2: [ beeps and whistles ]
743
00:21:20,245 --> 00:21:21,513
>> chewbacca: [ growls ]
744
00:21:21,580 --> 00:21:24,416
>> ♪ you're so dumb ♪
745
00:21:24,483 --> 00:21:26,618
♪ the empire's been alerted, and
746
00:21:26,685 --> 00:21:31,123
Here they come ♪
747
00:21:31,189 --> 00:21:33,191
>> all: ♪ empire on ice ♪
748
00:21:33,258 --> 00:21:34,493
♪ empire on ice ♪
749
00:21:34,559 --> 00:21:35,961
♪ here we are ♪
750
00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:38,697
♪ the empire on ice ♪
751
00:21:38,764 --> 00:21:41,800
♪ all those rebels will pay a
752
00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:43,068
Big price ♪
753
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,870
♪ vader's not nice ♪
754
00:21:44,936 --> 00:21:47,005
♪ and the tauntaun gets sliced ♪
755
00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:49,207
♪ and chewbacca has lice ♪
756
00:21:49,274 --> 00:21:52,944
♪ the empire on ice ♪
757
00:21:53,011 --> 00:21:55,414
♪ empire on ice ♪
758
00:21:55,480 --> 00:22:01,219
♪ empire on I-I-ice ♪
759
00:22:01,286 --> 00:22:03,288
[ cheers and applause ]
760
00:22:03,355 --> 00:22:04,623
[ chickens clucking to tune of
761
00:22:04,690 --> 00:22:07,292
"Star wars" theme ]
762
00:22:32,617 --> 00:22:33,819
>> vader: [ mechanical
763
00:22:33,885 --> 00:22:34,586
Breathing ]
764
00:22:34,653 --> 00:22:36,988
>> jar jar: [ shouts ]
765
00:22:37,055 --> 00:22:38,590
Ani, yeah!
766
00:22:38,657 --> 00:22:40,726
[ shouts indistinctly ]
46487
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