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Robot chicken xmas episode 2005
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[captioning made possible by
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Turner entertainment group]
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[drill]
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>> it's alive!
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[maniacal laughing]
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[bells jingling]
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>> ohh!
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Dad could you kick an
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Angel's ass?
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>> you're damn right I could.
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[thud]
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>> is that santa on the roof?
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>> well, if not, I got a
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Present for him.
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>> oof!
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>> santa!
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Santa!
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>> oh, my mother[beep] Knee!
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Aw, [beep] [beep].
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Oh, [beep] It all to hell.
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That hurts like a mother[beep].
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>> dad, what's a [beep]?
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>> ha.
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Huh.
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Uh, so, santa, what--what
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Happened?
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>> bandits, goku.
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They stole my reindeer and all
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The presents and my pants!
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>> ha ha ha!
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Christmas is ours!
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>> you'll never get away with
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This.
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>> ho ho ho!
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I've got 5 good reasons for you
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To shut up.
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1, 2, 3, 4, 5!
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>> dad, who are those guys?
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>> kung fu legends.
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That's the little drummer boy,
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Whose mystical drum conjures
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Demons most foul; the
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Nutcracker, who knows over 100
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Different testicle-based
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Attacks; and composite santa
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Claus, who looks like one half
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Santa and one half frosty the
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Snowman.
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>> what are composite santa's
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Powers?
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>> I don't know, but he freaks
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Me right the [beep] Out.
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>> intruders!
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>> I will conjure a demon with
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My magical drum!
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Ha ha ha!
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>> spirit bomb!
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>> yell it really loud!
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[boom]
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>> holy [beep]!
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>> I'll get this one, dad.
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You're not so tough.
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>> testicle attack number 49!
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>> ow!
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My dragonball.
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>> ohhhhhhh...
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>> ohhhhhhh...
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Oh, baby!
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>> ohhhhhhhh!
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>> ok. I got nothing.
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Oh!
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Temperature's over 32 degrees
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Fahrenheit, my only weakness.
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>> we...Did it.
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>> fools!
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>> mrs. Santa?!
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>> that's right.
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The mastermind behind this evil
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Attack on christmas is me!
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>> but why?
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>> it all started at the north
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Pole.
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I started getting terrible
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Headaches.
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>> mrs. Clause, are you ok?
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>> aah!
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At first, I thought it was
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Merely my period, but that was
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Not the case, as I hit
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Menopause centuries ago.
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[rim shot]
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Polar radiation forced an
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Evolutionary change in me.
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Now I want revenge.
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Aah!
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>> oh, nooooooooooooo!
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>> enouuuuuuuuuuuugh!
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>> gohan and I need a minute to
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Rest.
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It's up to you for now.
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>> I--I think one of them
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Popped.
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>> it's payback time.
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Let's beat her up so bad her
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Kids will inherit the bruises.
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>> yeah.
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We'll hit her so hard, she'll
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Starve to death rolling.
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>> she's so ugly, we'll push
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Her face and go and make
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Gorilla biscuits!
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>> she's so black, when she go
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To night school, teacher mark
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Her absent!
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>> that's--it's still my wife,
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Guys!
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>> kiiiiiill!
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>> ohh!
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Your nose shoot lasers?
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>> you didn't think there was a
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Reason it glows red?
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What does your shoot?
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>> eww!
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To think I wanted to play your
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Games.
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[groaning]
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>> she's grown too gigantic and
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Unstable.
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Women.
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Am I right, fellas?
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>> the tenka'ichi budokai is
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Finally complete.
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>> what the [beep] Are you
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Talking about?
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Was that even english?
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What happened to my wife?
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This is the last time I bring
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Presents to japan.
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[rim shot]
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>> bring out your dead.
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>> december 24, 4:30 p.M.,
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Christmas eve.
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A time for joyous celebration,
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A time for gift-giving, for
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Peace and love, a time for
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Murder.
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It was the christmas that made
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Everyone cry--except for maybe
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The jews--but when the evidence
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Pointed to murder, the question
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On everyone's mind became, "Who
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Killed christmas?"
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[retches]
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Perhaps no one can shed light
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On this mystery more than
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Martha claus, the victim's wife
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Of 43 years.
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>> we stayed together mostly
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Due to licensing issues.
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I doubt he would have gotten
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Any sponsorship deals if he
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Were a divorced single man
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Living with a bunch of elves.
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They'd think he was gay.
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>> rushed by grief, the widow
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Claus has kept a low profile
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Since the murder, but not all
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Was warmth and love at the
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North pole.
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Deep inside santa's fabled
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Workshop, discontent had begun
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To spread among the androgynous
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Elvin workforce.
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>> it was all about the coke,
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Man.
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Santa had us elves hide the
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Blow in the crappy wooden toys.
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Then he'd make the drop...
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>> give me, give me toy!
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Give me, give me toy!
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Give me, give me toy!
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Give me, give me toy!
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Give me, give me.
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>> and the sale was complete.
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He tried using some different
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Ways to sneak the product in.
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[popping]
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You ever see a yeti with a
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Dozen condoms of coke burst in
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His belly?
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[roaring]
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>> aah!
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[screaming]
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[alarm ringing]
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>> it's a bad scene, man.
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>> were the allegations true?
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Santa claus an international
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Drug peddler?
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>> drugs?
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That wasn't no secret, but I'll
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Tell you what the fat man's
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Real problem was--when some of
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The shipments started turning
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Up a little light, you follow
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Me?
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Somebody started having a
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Little private party, you know
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What I'm saying?
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I think you do.
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As for who?
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Well, you ever wonder how his
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Nose got so red.
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>> punishment was swift for
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Anyone who dared cross the
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Boss...
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>> happy birthday!
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>> for anyone caught being
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Naughty at the north pole.
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>> happy birthda--aah, aah,
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Aah, aah!
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>> who killed santa claus?
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A neglected housewife,
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Colombian drug runners, some
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Retard snowman?
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We may never know who killed
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Santa claus, but whoever did is
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Still out there watching,
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Waiting.
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Who's next--the easter bunny,
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Cupid, that lucky charms cereal
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Guy?
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Who's to say, but when it does
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Happen, "Unsolved case files"
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Will be there to make a buck.
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Next time on "Unsolved case
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Files"...
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The taco bell chihuahua's
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Castration--simple neutering or
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Hate crime?
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>> yo quiero my nuts.
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>> ♪ patty cake, patty cake
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Baker's man ♪
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>> yee ha ha ha hoo hoo!
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>> verily, I say unto you that
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One of you shall betray me.
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Aah!
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>> ha ha ha!
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>> judas!
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Ha ha ha!
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Cheap shot.
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Oh, lucky for you I'm gonna
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Turn the other--ha ha ha!
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Ha ha ha!
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Hey, hey, hey.
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That's my flesh you're throwing
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There.
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[jet flying]
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[rock music playing]
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>> where's the bunny?
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Wiggle your big toe.
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Great.
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I am jesus, you know.
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[speaks japanese]
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>> hyah!
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>> oy!
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>> aah!
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Aah!
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>> 5-fingered palm of death.
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Let me try that again.
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>> thanks.
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>> it's what I do.
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>> you didn't think it would be
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That easy, did you?
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>> for a second there, yeah, I
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Kind of did.
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>> ♪ buck, buck, buck
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Buck, buck, buck
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Buck, buck, buck, buck, buck
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Buck, buck, buck
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Buck, buck, buck, buck
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Buck, buck, buck, buck, buck
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Buck, buck
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Buck, buck, buck
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Buck, buck, buck
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Buck, buck, buck, buck, buck
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Buck, buck, buck
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B-buck, buck, buck
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B-b-buck, buck, buck, buck
290
00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:40,940
Buck ♪
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00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:42,942
[captioning made possible by
292
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:44,944
Turner entertainment group]
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00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:46,946
[captioned by the national
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00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:48,948
Captioning institute
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00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:51,017
--www.Ncicap.Org--]
17650
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