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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:05,702 40 CRUSADERS 2 00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:13,885 SEVEN STORMY DAYS 3 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:19,466 AN EERIE ISLAND 4 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:25,973 FULL OF DANGER 5 00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:30,060 AND SECRETS 6 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,291 COMING SOON TO THEATERS 7 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,747 The story so far.. 8 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,626 So there’s this, urn, guy 9 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:37,920 and he has this, urn. 10 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,180 kangaroo move into his apartment. 11 00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,591 And this guy 12 00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,514 had a crush on h/s neiqhbor. 13 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,387 And his neighbor, urn, she... 14 00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,681 Let me do this. 15 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,934 The story so far.. 16 00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:57,193 In 1852 17 00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:00,325 in the ruins of AshurbaniaI’s Library 18 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:04,572 in Nine veh, a 3,000-year-old clay tablet was found. 19 00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:14,457 44 years later, Assyriologist He/n rich Zimmern from Baden 20 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:17,627 translated the writing on the tablet into German. 21 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:23,140 On the tablet, the arbiter of wisdom Shaggil-kinam-ubib noted... 22 00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:26,434 If you really look, 23 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:29,517 you see that people are 24 00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:32,812 by and large, stupid. 25 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,899 That sums things up pretty well. 26 00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,821 So, imagine you go to the movies. 27 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,735 The movie starts, but you see nothing 28 00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:46,826 because it’s set in a dark restaurant. 29 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,412 -Okay. -And lye already got a title. 30 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,043 -Blind Date? -Uh, yeah. 31 00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:55,289 You really can’t see anything. 32 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:57,958 Hey, stop! You want me to do that to you? 33 00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:00,047 Ow! My eye! 34 00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:03,339 -I cant see! I’m blind! -Why exactly is the kangaroo here? 35 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,883 -It just came along. -He needs help. 36 00:03:06,061 --> 00:03:07,722 I don’t need help! 37 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,636 Well, then go ahead. 38 00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:11,558 So... 39 00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:18,195 It really is funny. You cant see anything at all. 40 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:21,357 If we cant talk on the first date, it’ll be tough. 41 00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:25,323 Isn’t that inevitable? Do your parents still talk to each other? 42 00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:27,613 -My dads dead. -Oh, yeah. Right. 43 00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:28,871 Sorry. 44 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,623 -Bling! -Bling? 45 00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:33,126 -I’m counting your blunders. -Not helpful. 46 00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:36,788 All right, one vegan, one vegetarian, and one with everything. 47 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,207 Enjoy your meal. 48 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:39,966 -Thank you. -Finally. 49 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,513 How’s yours? Mine’s pretty dry. 50 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,925 Because you’re eating the decorations. 51 00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:52,096 How dumb would it be to have decorations in a dark restaurant? 52 00:03:52,274 --> 00:03:55,516 What are you doing? You cant turn on a flashlight in here. 53 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:58,151 Thats not a flashlight. 54 00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,566 -That is a flashlight. -Dude! 55 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,532 -What are you doing? -I cant see anything. 56 00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:06,443 That’s the point. 57 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:09,829 -l thought this was a dark restaurant. -Yeah... 58 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:14,334 I set my mom up on Facebook so she wouldnt be so lonely in Backwood. 59 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:17,746 But now shes denying climate change. 60 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:20,165 -My uncle was afraid of chemtrails. -Was? 61 00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:24,302 Yeah, he was always looking up at the sky and got hit by a tram. 62 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:28,181 -Sorry, of course, that’s not funny. -Well, it kind of is. 63 00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:31,468 Anyway, now my mom keeps sending me Adam Krieger videos. 64 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:35,434 At first I didn’t take it seriously, but now we just yell at each other. 65 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,474 -I’ve got to go. -Tell the waiter. 66 00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:41,019 Nonsense, I have a great sense of direction. 67 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:43,526 -Hey! -Sorry, wrong direction. 68 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,658 Please sneak out before the next date. 69 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,693 -Sorry. -I tried to do that today. 70 00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:51,329 Whose dog is running free in here? 71 00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:54,700 TOILETS 72 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:03,296 We have about 60 seconds. Time to speed date. 73 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:06,462 What is your favorite book, film, animal, 74 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,972 color, city, country, river, joke? 75 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:12,179 “Momo’, “The Matrix’, pig, black, Paris, Portugal, Spree, 76 00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:15,096 and the joke: how do you recognize a vegan at a party? 77 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,271 Shell tell you. 78 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,766 Now you. 79 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:22,770 -Can I... -No. 80 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,230 -. name five each? -No. 81 00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:33,117 WHERE YOU ATE? SPILL DONT STARE 82 00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:35,873 Why is it red if you’re not supposed to push it? 83 00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,412 Get out! 84 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:41,289 -Your table decorations are far too dry! -Dont touch me. 85 00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:43,757 And where’s my flashlight? 86 00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:48,796 -Banned! -III come again... Uh, be back! 87 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:51,890 Oh, damn it. Screwed up the quote. 88 00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:54,558 Im your uncle... 89 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,226 -. ..father. -Fly, you clowns... 90 00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,019 Urn... fools. 91 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,480 III relieve the babysitter. 92 00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:05,604 -What? -I can relieve the babysitter. 93 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:09,525 You can tell me later where else you got kicked out of. 94 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:13,324 Three is one too few... urn... too many. 95 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,248 But... 96 00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,669 III make it up to you. 97 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,413 Please don’t. 98 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,501 Don’t take it too hard, dude. 99 00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,544 Sometimes I get the feeling... 100 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,764 ...that life is a sitcom? 101 00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,094 A sitcom? 102 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,220 THE KANGAROO 103 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:50,407 THREE IS ONE TOO FEW 104 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,443 U M. TOO MANY 105 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:58,077 “Anna Karenina.’ 106 00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:02,119 Too pretentious. 107 00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:03,878 How about... 108 00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:06,040 The Magic Mountain. 109 00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:17,634 Lying in the hammock again? 110 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:20,182 Nope. Not again. Still. 111 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:25,810 You haven’t even gotten out of your pajamas. 112 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:29,400 Have you noticed some people seem to have a need 113 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:31,735 to put the obvious into words? 114 00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:37,737 Which is the better favorite book? In Search of Lost Time? 115 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,747 Or ‘100 Years of Solitude? 116 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,957 Have you even read them? 117 00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:49,876 I... Well, I have them on my bookshelf. That count? 118 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,879 By the way, I’m not talking to you anymore. 119 00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:57,261 I admit, I wasn’t a big help yesterday, 120 00:07:57,435 --> 00:08:01,394 but I bought all the things you like. 121 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,475 Organic eggplant-pomelo soda 122 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,564 licorice wheels, 123 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:09,186 chips with coriander, and champagne truffles. 124 00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:13,399 I don’t like any of it. 125 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:16,151 Not any of it? 126 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:19,533 I hate coriander. 127 00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:26,582 No way she wants to go out with me again. 128 00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:32,801 You have to show her youII lay it on the line for her. 129 00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,053 And I know how to do that. 130 00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:37,179 Oh, yeah? How then? 131 00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:40,175 We pull her mom out of the rabbit hole. 132 00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,735 A bet? 133 00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:03,282 -What kind of a bet? -If we straighten your mom out... 134 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:08,079 -Get her to stop denying climate change. -...we go out for dinner again. 135 00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:11,005 -Okay. -In Paris. 136 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,461 In Paris. 137 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,960 -No kangaroo. -Certainly not. 138 00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:17,345 -And you’ll pay. -That’s not... 139 00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:19,339 -You dont have to... -III pay. 140 00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:23,764 -Okay. -And you give me your gaming console. 141 00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:27,810 -That’s optional, of course. -Do it, and you’ll get the console too. 142 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,103 But, Mom! 143 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:33,194 Don’t worry. Grandma’s a tough cookie. They’re just wasting their time. 144 00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:36,235 -That wouldn’t be new. -No, it wouldn’t. 145 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,027 -And what if you lose? -Then... 146 00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:43,447 III pay for your dinner. 147 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:47,242 Nice try, but it’ll have to be more. 148 00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:49,210 We dont have anything. 149 00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:54,253 You have a nice big apartment with an old contract. 150 00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:56,838 You mean... 151 00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:59,925 If you lose, then we trade apartments. 152 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,590 Never. 153 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,802 -Agreed. -Are you crazy? Owl 154 00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:09,393 You said I have to lay it on the line. 155 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,609 Its pretty cramped in here, huh? 156 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:17,902 We’ve got this. 157 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,157 What have I done? 158 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:25,447 You’ve ruined our lives. 159 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,581 Thats what youve done. 160 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:30,494 -Shes cleaning. -Pinch me. 161 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,500 Herta, expecting a special visitor? 162 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:36,795 Havent you heard? Joe is coming back. 163 00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:40,712 Joe who? Our Joe? 164 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,757 -Mighty Joe, the Steppenwoif? -Yes, he’s out of prison. 165 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:47,935 -Does Maria already know? -No, it’s a surprise. 166 00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:50,054 Who in the hell is Joe? 167 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,600 Maria’s ex. 168 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:58,568 Last I saw him, he carried my washing machine up to the fourth floor. 169 00:10:58,741 --> 00:10:59,901 Alone. 170 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:04,569 Hey, Maria. 171 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:06,825 Hey? 172 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:10,704 My mother just invited me to an event in Kapenick. 173 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,624 It’d be a good chance to meet her. 174 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,208 THE CLIMATE CONSIPRACY 175 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,000 Have fun. 176 00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,425 Youre really going to go on bikes? 177 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,636 I can lend you our van. 178 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:32,472 No. We can hardly talk of protecting the environment and drive up in that. 179 00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,645 -That’s right. -Well... 180 00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:37,315 my bike is broken, but... 181 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,230 I can lend you that. 182 00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:43,657 -It’s Jesus old trailer. -l call it St. Peter. 183 00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:48,450 -You pedal. -No. 184 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:54,703 We’ll decide that in the manner passed down to us from our ancestors. 185 00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:57,834 So be it. 186 00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:02,256 Hey, bro, five on the kangaroo. 187 00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:13,513 But no well. 188 00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:15,397 No well. 189 00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:18,185 Rock, paper, 190 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,311 scissors. 191 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:27,528 -He always does paper. Always paper’ -Why? 192 00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:30,872 Because I always think the kangaroo will go for the well. 193 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:32,953 Yallah. 194 00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:36,164 It’s not a game of chance. 195 00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:44,718 Here you go. 196 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,549 -You shit! -Thanks! 197 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,137 That was my ice cream! 198 00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:57,519 Come on! Go! Faster! 199 00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,234 -Faster! Faster! -Faster, you lazy dog! 200 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,820 Faster! Faster! Go, faster! 201 00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:10,536 Heyl 202 00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,447 Stop therel 203 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:15,534 Stop! 204 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:20,338 -Have you ever met Marias mom? -Nope. 205 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:23,625 How are we going to know which of the crazies... 206 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,134 Heyl 207 00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:31,341 An established artist. 208 00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,302 Hitler, or who? 209 00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:37,813 I’m not Hitler. I’m the Captain of KOpenick. 210 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,479 Well, you look like Hitler. 211 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,894 You look like Hitler. 212 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:48,941 Seriously, dude? 213 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,036 Any Reich citizens among you? 214 00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:54,697 Here, you can take a picture with Hitler. 215 00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,356 Help! Help! 216 00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:24,939 Help! 217 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,313 Come here! 218 00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:37,703 KOPENICK CITIZENS MEETING 219 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,788 IMPENDING ECO-DICTATORSHIP? 220 00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:42,669 We shouldn’t take a confrontational approach. 221 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,582 -Like you did just now? -Or shell shut down. 222 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:49,002 -So well use the Socratic method? -That’s right. 223 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:51,671 Calmly and kindly questioning. 224 00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,017 All righty. 225 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:04,981 Like me, many of you learned of the climate conspiracy via Adam Krieger. 226 00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:08,487 -Krieger fights for the truth. -Stay vigilant’ 227 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,357 He says the climate scare is a pretense 228 00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:14,031 to raise taxes and pass new laws. 229 00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:16,870 They want to tell us how to live. 230 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,531 WHAT DOES YOUR MOTHER LOOK LIKE? 231 00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:21,751 They want to deindustrialize Germany. 232 00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:24,040 That’s right! 233 00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,460 -Did you get that? -Bravo! 234 00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:30,292 Yes? 235 00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:33,012 The desire to be unique, a loss of control, 236 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:34,592 or just boredom? 237 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,598 -What was it for you? -What do you mean? 238 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:40,311 Why you fall for conspiracy theories. 239 00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:44,023 The CIA invented conspiracy theory” as a battle cry 240 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:47,310 to discredit people who think differently. 241 00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,730 Oh, crapola. 242 00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:53,028 We don’t want you here! 243 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:56,945 -That’s right! -We don’t want your eco-fascism! 244 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:59,413 You’re the friends of fascism. 245 00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:02,041 -Calmly and kindly questioning? -Back off. 246 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,628 Not even scientists agree climate change exists. 247 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,505 Hogwash! Thats just conspiracy bulishit. 248 00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:12,001 A study analyzed more than 50,000 scientific articles 249 00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:16,389 and 99.94 percent say humans are the main drivers of climate change. 250 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,758 My experience says otherwise. 251 00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,806 What? Your perceived reality? 252 00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:23,395 -Get lost, you sheeple! -Baa! 253 00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:25,181 Baa to you! 254 00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:28,651 Do you work for fake news? Or are you paid rabble-rousers? 255 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,862 My dear Ms. Schiabotnik, 256 00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,399 I get what you mean, kind of. 257 00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:38,118 Conspiracies are fascinating. I used to watch The X-Files. 258 00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:42,707 But why do you absolutely have to think one up? 259 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,575 There are enough real conspiracies. 260 00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:48,588 Watergate, Prism, LIBOR, Panama Papers, Dieselgate, FlEA! 261 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:53,502 Back in 1982, Exxon Mobile had a study into climate change conducted 262 00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:58,553 and, sadly, it concluded that C02 heats up the Earth. 263 00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:01,433 -Tough break. -But they did nothing. 264 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:04,554 Except start a huge disinformation campaign. 265 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:07,690 You’re the ones who’ve fallen prey to a conspiracy. 266 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:12,024 You are actually the brainwashed sheeple. 267 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,149 Get lost, you clowns! 268 00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:19,069 Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! 269 00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:22,663 Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! 270 00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,908 The lady with the eggs. 271 00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:42,592 Yes? 272 00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:45,887 You failed to mention your mom was the one speaking. 273 00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:48,522 Cops! Sorry. 274 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,063 Go ring. 275 00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:55,734 Yes, she even has her own YouTube channel. 276 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,899 I’n Lisbeth Schiabotnik... 277 00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,864 The movers are here! I’ve got to run. 278 00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:07,580 Did you know that 55 mi//ion years ago the Earth experienced a hot phase? 279 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:12,042 Now try and tell me my diesel is responsible for that too. 280 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:19,925 -Come on, let’s go home. -You crazy? If we go, we wont have one. 281 00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:23,133 That woman’s a hopeless case. 282 00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:26,386 Rock Paper Scissors? If I win, we wait for her. 283 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:30,352 -If you win then... -...we sleep in a bunk bed from now on. 284 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:34,603 -Or you get on your knees and beg Maria. -Forget it. Never. 285 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,317 Lets rock it. 286 00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,696 I thought up new rules. 287 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:43,494 What? 288 00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:46,831 Pick whatever sign we want and then discuss who won. 289 00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:49,541 -Sounds totally idiotic. -You in? 290 00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:51,786 Of course. 291 00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:54,255 I call it Rock Paper Whatever. 292 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,750 Rock Paper Whatever. 293 00:18:57,928 --> 00:19:03,093 Sounds like a music magazine that doesn’t give a shit. 294 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:06,600 Maybe Rock Paper Wizzard? 295 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:11,814 Sounds like Pen & Paper from Stranger Things. 296 00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:14,892 Rook Paper Blizzard? 297 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:17,231 Better. 298 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,785 Rock, 299 00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,749 paper, 300 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,868 blizzard! 301 00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:43,553 -Whats that supposed to be? -Chainsaw. Yours? 302 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,761 I, urn... 303 00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,933 A giraffe. 304 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,346 A giraffe versus a chainsaw? 305 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:54,140 We don’t even have to discuss, do we? 306 00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:56,271 No. 307 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:03,779 If I many ask, what did you expect to beat with a giraffe? 308 00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:06,194 A leaf that grows high up. 309 00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:09,489 Why in the hell would I do a leaf that grows high up? 310 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,203 What would that have beat? 311 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:16,292 Urn... an animal without a long neck. I was under major time pressure. 312 00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:18,956 Granted, a giraffe wasn’t the best option. 313 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:23,757 -We got really great footage. -We can send it to you for YouTube. 314 00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:27,298 -We’re really big fans of Diesel Liesel. -I’m glad. 315 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,842 Come on, this way. Shortcut. 316 00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:31,810 Would you give us an autograph? 317 00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,596 Of course. 318 00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:35,264 May I? 319 00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:39,059 Tina and I, we met on 320 00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:41,562 Iovetruth.info. 321 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:48,820 Every 23 minutes a contrarian falls in love on lovetruth.info. 322 00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:52,286 Create a profile and click everything you belleve in. 323 00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,576 AREA 51, CHEMTRAILS, REPTILIANS... 324 00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:56,953 Only the two of us clicked every conspiracy. 325 00:20:58,591 --> 00:20:59,671 Chemtrails! 326 00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:03,133 You are not a/one. 327 00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:05,924 Find someone who loves the truth as much as you. 328 00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:10,304 I met my Eva here too. 329 00:21:11,145 --> 00:21:15,104 Im Adam Krieger and I recommend Iovetruth.info. 330 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,560 Dont let them shut you up. 331 00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:19,316 Stay vigilant. 332 00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:21,398 What do you think of chemtrails? 333 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:23,566 What? 334 00:21:23,741 --> 00:21:26,904 The condensed vapor trails behind planes 335 00:21:27,077 --> 00:21:28,863 that are actually harmful chemicals. 336 00:21:29,038 --> 00:21:32,496 -Never heard of them. -They reduce the fertility of Germans. 337 00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:35,248 And/or contaminate soil with aluminum compounds. 338 00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:39,708 -Theyre for population control. -And/or thought control via nanobots. 339 00:21:39,882 --> 00:21:42,749 Those who believe in nanobot mind control 340 00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:45,217 should probably see it as a chance. 341 00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:48,842 -What do you clowns want now? -Piss off. 342 00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:53,013 Around the corner there, I saw Adam Krieger. 343 00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:54,802 Yes, I think it was him. 344 00:21:55,064 --> 00:21:57,771 He just found the entrance to the Hollow Earth. 345 00:21:58,025 --> 00:21:59,060 What? 346 00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:02,272 See you at the CoCon, and/or someplace else. 347 00:22:04,907 --> 00:22:08,775 Ms. Schiabotnik, we had a rough start. Can we start over? 348 00:22:09,036 --> 00:22:10,776 No. 349 00:22:10,955 --> 00:22:12,741 Were friends of Marias. 350 00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:17,457 -Are you her new fella? -I... Well... 351 00:22:19,213 --> 00:22:20,293 Sad. 352 00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:23,376 Oh well, no one can hold a candle to Joe. 353 00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:27,001 What if we invited you to eat? 354 00:22:28,055 --> 00:22:30,296 And as a peace offering: 355 00:22:30,474 --> 00:22:32,681 the categorical aperitif. 356 00:22:34,270 --> 00:22:35,976 Chop-chop, let it drop! 357 00:22:40,943 --> 00:22:42,479 CATEGORICAL APERITIF 358 00:22:42,653 --> 00:22:45,019 III have 13 and 72, please. 359 00:22:45,281 --> 00:22:47,522 -You didn’t even look. -I pick at random. 360 00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:50,487 -Keeps life exciting. -I’ll have the same. 361 00:22:50,744 --> 00:22:52,655 And III take... 362 00:22:52,913 --> 00:22:55,780 12 and 61, but without Koreans... 363 00:22:55,958 --> 00:22:58,119 I mean coriander. 364 00:22:59,003 --> 00:23:00,868 Nothing here is Korean. 365 00:23:01,130 --> 00:23:03,587 -Coriander, please. -We’re Chinese. 366 00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:06,503 Oh, God. How embarrassing. 367 00:23:06,677 --> 00:23:08,884 A very interesting Freudian slip. 368 00:23:09,138 --> 00:23:10,924 -Oh, yeah? -Yes. 369 00:23:11,181 --> 00:23:13,763 You Germans want the perks of multiculturalism, 370 00:23:13,934 --> 00:23:17,722 the services immigrants provide, but not the immigrants. 371 00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:20,684 You actually do want 61 without Koreans. 372 00:23:20,941 --> 00:23:25,275 -Don’t exaggerate. -“The deindustrialization of Germany? 373 00:23:25,529 --> 00:23:26,735 -Really? -YouII see. 374 00:23:26,989 --> 00:23:28,980 Why doesnt the press report on that? 375 00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:32,529 -All bought up. -And us, or Maria? Were we bought up? 376 00:23:32,703 --> 00:23:35,069 You eat up what the lying press feeds you. 377 00:23:35,331 --> 00:23:39,290 You reject every argument that doesnt suit you. 378 00:23:39,460 --> 00:23:40,950 Everyone does that. 379 00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:43,369 Im a conspirator if I disagree with you? 380 00:23:43,631 --> 00:23:45,041 Or a puppet. 381 00:23:45,299 --> 00:23:48,166 You’re puppets whove stopped questioning things. 382 00:23:48,344 --> 00:23:50,335 You believe what ‘Time writes. 383 00:23:50,596 --> 00:23:53,133 And you believe your Facebook timeline. 384 00:23:55,225 --> 00:23:57,341 The way you defend your climate lie claims 385 00:23:57,519 --> 00:23:59,055 can be used to defend any old rot. 386 00:23:59,563 --> 00:24:02,726 -With exactly the same phrases. -Not true. 387 00:24:02,983 --> 00:24:05,395 Okay, think of a totally crazy theory 388 00:24:05,653 --> 00:24:08,690 that’s so out there not even you believe it. 389 00:24:09,490 --> 00:24:10,980 All right. 390 00:24:13,869 --> 00:24:15,905 Earth is a cube. 391 00:24:17,247 --> 00:24:20,489 -A cube-Earth theory. -Fine. 392 00:24:20,668 --> 00:24:22,659 The Earth is obviously cubed. 393 00:24:22,836 --> 00:24:25,293 Why else do all maps have four corners? 394 00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:28,171 -Why isnt that in the press? -All bought up. 395 00:24:28,425 --> 00:24:29,915 Am I bought up too? 396 00:24:30,177 --> 00:24:33,169 You eat up what the lying press feeds you. 397 00:24:33,430 --> 00:24:38,720 How else do you explain big waterfalls? Theyre all on the Earths edges. 398 00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:40,969 Why does it look round from space? 399 00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:42,936 Because... 400 00:24:43,107 --> 00:24:47,567 the CIA forces every single astronaut to use 401 00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:49,651 a special wide-angle lens. 402 00:24:49,822 --> 00:24:53,314 Hundreds of thousands of people vanish every year. Where to? 403 00:24:53,575 --> 00:24:56,487 They get ‘offed. 404 00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:59,407 -Will I fall off if I walk over an edge? -Not quite. 405 00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:03,995 They’re usually slightly rounded, so they’re not that easy to see. 406 00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:09,459 But 99.94 percent of scientific journals say the world is round. 407 00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:11,794 My experience says otherwise. 408 00:25:12,052 --> 00:25:16,216 See? Does that type of argumentation sound familiar? 409 00:25:16,473 --> 00:25:19,840 My sports teacher would’ve said, ‘You catch that?” 410 00:25:21,478 --> 00:25:24,185 I’m not going to be screwed with like this. 411 00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:30,017 Wackos. 412 00:25:30,696 --> 00:25:32,903 There goes my gaming console. 413 00:25:38,412 --> 00:25:41,404 Did you hear that? Earth is a cube. 414 00:25:41,582 --> 00:25:42,662 Yeah. 415 00:25:42,833 --> 00:25:45,165 And I thought it was flat. 416 00:25:56,764 --> 00:25:59,597 Wed like to take the bike on the bus. 417 00:26:00,476 --> 00:26:02,341 How do imagine that working? 418 00:26:02,603 --> 00:26:05,310 Well, I’d just carry it through the door. 419 00:26:08,067 --> 00:26:10,023 -This is a bus. -True. 420 00:26:10,194 --> 00:26:14,733 -Right. -But it is a rail replacement service. 421 00:26:14,907 --> 00:26:17,899 Therefore, this is not a bus, it’s a city train. 422 00:26:19,870 --> 00:26:23,454 Are you shitting me? Of course, this is a bus. 423 00:26:23,707 --> 00:26:26,699 No one is going to tell me this isnt a bus. 424 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:28,916 Its a bus all right. 425 00:26:29,171 --> 00:26:31,287 lye driven bus my entire life. 426 00:26:31,548 --> 00:26:34,039 I can tell a bus when I see one. 427 00:26:34,551 --> 00:26:38,009 And I can take my bike with me on a city train. 428 00:26:42,267 --> 00:26:44,053 But not in the first car. 429 00:26:45,521 --> 00:26:48,684 All right, then I’ll just ride it. 430 00:26:58,992 --> 00:27:02,029 -Hold this a sec. -Now chop-chop! 431 00:27:08,043 --> 00:27:11,956 The other passengers dont have time to waste either. 432 00:27:16,385 --> 00:27:19,548 No ones going to tell me this isnt a bus! 433 00:27:20,180 --> 00:27:22,011 It’s a bus all right! 434 00:27:22,266 --> 00:27:25,508 I can tell what’s a bus and what’s not. 435 00:27:28,522 --> 00:27:30,478 Hey, what the hell, man? 436 00:27:32,109 --> 00:27:34,851 He doesn’t quite understand his job. 437 00:27:35,028 --> 00:27:37,019 We can make him stop. 438 00:27:48,542 --> 00:27:50,874 Someone better get off here. 439 00:27:53,380 --> 00:27:55,086 Who was that? 440 00:27:58,218 --> 00:28:01,176 Either one of you gets out or both of you do. 441 00:28:04,766 --> 00:28:08,258 -Rock Paper Blizzard? -Do I have to come back there? 442 00:28:09,980 --> 00:28:12,437 -Rock... -I was going to call the fire service. 443 00:28:12,608 --> 00:28:16,601 But then Joe clambered up the tree and saved the cat. 444 00:28:16,862 --> 00:28:19,569 Then there’s the story with the pig. 445 00:28:19,823 --> 00:28:21,529 Joe took a pig to work, 446 00:28:21,700 --> 00:28:24,191 and his boss goes, “What’s the pig doing here?” 447 00:28:24,369 --> 00:28:28,157 Joe says, “How should I know why you came in today?” 448 00:28:29,208 --> 00:28:32,951 -Unbelievable he was in prison so long. -Talking about Joe again? 449 00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:34,743 Still. 450 00:28:34,922 --> 00:28:36,958 Oh, if I were a bit younger... 451 00:28:50,604 --> 00:28:51,935 Joe. 452 00:28:52,189 --> 00:28:54,305 People, nice to see you! 453 00:28:54,566 --> 00:28:56,602 Come closer, settle in 454 00:28:56,860 --> 00:28:59,146 Hands on your head, and then spin 455 00:28:59,321 --> 00:29:01,186 Unscrew and remove your brain 456 00:29:01,448 --> 00:29:03,860 Get crazy, people, champagne and treats 457 00:29:04,034 --> 00:29:08,118 Let’s outwit logic to the beat Throw confetti and walk on tables 458 00:29:08,372 --> 00:29:10,363 And eat our brains with fishes 459 00:29:10,624 --> 00:29:13,366 / mean, logic is sick overrated 460 00:29:13,627 --> 00:29:16,869 -l say, “One plus one plus one is six!” -That’s wrong! 461 00:29:17,589 --> 00:29:19,955 They finally let you out, you rascal! 462 00:29:25,472 --> 00:29:26,461 Well? 463 00:29:27,724 --> 00:29:31,262 Why you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler. 464 00:29:33,605 --> 00:29:36,096 You’ve got a lot of guts coming here 465 00:29:36,275 --> 00:29:38,891 after all the crap you pulled. 466 00:30:06,346 --> 00:30:08,632 Listen up, next round’s on me! 467 00:30:08,807 --> 00:30:12,015 Breathe in, breathe out Toniqht we let it all hang out 468 00:30:12,269 --> 00:30:14,476 Tonight we’re storming your front lots 469 00:30:14,646 --> 00:30:16,807 Gonna dig’em up With diqgers and what-not 470 00:30:59,441 --> 00:31:02,183 you have shrimp in your beard. And Joe said... 471 00:31:02,361 --> 00:31:06,980 -Youve got jellyfish on your pants. -Youve got jellyfish on your pantsl 472 00:31:08,241 --> 00:31:10,072 -To Joe! -Cheers. 473 00:31:10,243 --> 00:31:13,280 -You’re a swell guy. -Yeah, a real swell guy. 474 00:31:13,455 --> 00:31:17,198 Gets arrested and leaves his wife and kid in the lurch. 475 00:31:22,672 --> 00:31:23,832 What? 476 00:31:24,091 --> 00:31:26,548 He was in prison for fighting for human rights. 477 00:31:26,802 --> 00:31:29,509 Are you attacking him for working for Amnesty? 478 00:31:29,679 --> 00:31:34,218 He tried to help North Korean dissidents across the demilitarized zone. 479 00:31:35,060 --> 00:31:36,425 Of course. 480 00:31:36,603 --> 00:31:38,059 North Korea. 481 00:31:38,605 --> 00:31:41,597 And I drilled wells in Africa. 482 00:31:43,819 --> 00:31:48,688 Were you as tall as you are stupid, you could drink out of the eaves kneeling. 483 00:31:52,035 --> 00:31:53,195 You... 484 00:31:53,370 --> 00:31:55,201 really were in North Korea? 485 00:31:55,455 --> 00:31:56,865 Bling. 486 00:32:25,193 --> 00:32:26,729 Go. 487 00:32:26,903 --> 00:32:28,268 Youre free. 488 00:32:39,207 --> 00:32:42,074 Its all right. You couldnt have known. 489 00:32:43,795 --> 00:32:45,956 Know what they say in Korea? 490 00:32:46,131 --> 00:32:49,339 Even monkeys fall from trees. 491 00:32:52,929 --> 00:32:54,465 Here, look. 492 00:32:57,434 --> 00:32:59,220 I carved this in prison. 493 00:32:59,853 --> 00:33:01,684 From a wooden spoon. 494 00:33:01,855 --> 00:33:03,311 For Maria? 495 00:33:03,482 --> 00:33:06,724 Thinking of her was what kept me alive. 496 00:33:06,902 --> 00:33:09,314 But I don’t want to overwhelm her. 497 00:33:09,488 --> 00:33:11,945 No... I wouldn’t do that either. 498 00:33:12,115 --> 00:33:16,654 She didn’t want me to go to Pyongyang. She might still be mad at me. 499 00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:19,365 Shes very mad, extremely mad. 500 00:33:19,539 --> 00:33:22,121 -Maybe I should give it more time. -Much more. 501 00:33:22,292 --> 00:33:24,704 I dont want it to be slapdash. 502 00:33:24,878 --> 00:33:28,120 -Whatever that means. -Thats how you end up with kids. 503 00:33:29,508 --> 00:33:31,624 I’ll ask her on her birthday. 504 00:33:34,262 --> 00:33:36,048 WESTERNERS 505 00:33:36,223 --> 00:33:37,804 EASTERNERS 506 00:33:39,434 --> 00:33:41,675 -Watch where you... -Times running out. 507 00:33:41,853 --> 00:33:44,970 -What? Time? -Is our bet still on? 508 00:33:45,232 --> 00:33:47,848 Yes, I’ve got the moving boxes ready. 509 00:33:48,109 --> 00:33:49,770 Were Liesels best friends. 510 00:33:49,945 --> 00:33:53,813 -Easy. She has no others. -We visit her in Backwood tomorrow. 511 00:33:53,990 --> 00:33:56,106 Hey, I’ve got to get back to the hotel. 512 00:33:56,284 --> 00:33:58,491 I’ve got to call Greta. 513 00:33:58,662 --> 00:34:01,369 Why to the hotel? Joe can sleep at our place. 514 00:34:01,623 --> 00:34:05,741 But where? I mean, in the hall we can maybe just... 515 00:34:06,503 --> 00:34:09,586 Oh, no. I don’t want to impose on anyone. 516 00:34:11,132 --> 00:34:15,466 -Joe can sleep at our place. -Yes! Our place can sleep at Joe’s. 517 00:34:16,137 --> 00:34:17,627 No harm done. 518 00:34:20,934 --> 00:34:23,266 The little nose goes on the pancake face. 519 00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:25,761 Put some powdered sugar on it... 520 00:34:30,110 --> 00:34:32,271 Howdy, doody, partner! 521 00:34:32,988 --> 00:34:34,273 Good morning. 522 00:34:34,531 --> 00:34:38,570 I woke up early and so I decided to clean the kitchen. 523 00:34:38,743 --> 00:34:41,985 Made some breakfast too. Hope I didn’t wake you. 524 00:34:45,125 --> 00:34:47,741 Do you need anything? Got everything you need? 525 00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:56,925 Fuck. 526 00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:05,592 Ah, there we go. 527 00:35:08,982 --> 00:35:10,973 Dig in and enjoy. 528 00:35:13,236 --> 00:35:16,023 I’m going to the hardware store. Need anything? 529 00:35:16,281 --> 00:35:18,272 -Never from the hardware store. -Okay. 530 00:35:18,533 --> 00:35:20,489 A pool table. 531 00:35:20,660 --> 00:35:21,900 Cool. Bye. 532 00:35:22,162 --> 00:35:23,823 Bye. Bye. 533 00:35:32,505 --> 00:35:34,086 Off to Backwood. 534 00:35:35,884 --> 00:35:40,344 Dear passengers, for reasons not entirely clear to me 535 00:35:40,513 --> 00:35:44,847 the train for platform 21 is arriving at plafform 22 536 00:35:45,018 --> 00:35:46,724 and v/ce versa. 537 00:35:50,565 --> 00:35:52,305 / was just joking. 538 00:35:52,942 --> 00:35:55,558 -He’s a real jokester. - Seriously! 539 00:35:55,737 --> 00:36:00,197 Due to a personal injury, today is topsy-turvy day 540 00:36:00,367 --> 00:36:03,279 so just get on a train and see where you end up. 541 00:36:03,453 --> 00:36:06,115 Whats going on here? Terrorist attack? 542 00:36:06,373 --> 00:36:08,659 What is your major malfunction? 543 00:36:08,833 --> 00:36:12,166 Stand at attention when an... officer is present. 544 00:36:13,046 --> 00:36:14,661 Yes, sir. 545 00:36:15,882 --> 00:36:17,338 Yes... 546 00:36:17,592 --> 00:36:18,798 sir... 547 00:36:19,886 --> 00:36:21,126 Captain. 548 00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:23,966 -Yes, sir, Captain. -Name? 549 00:36:24,224 --> 00:36:25,213 Krapotke. 550 00:36:26,518 --> 00:36:28,804 Krapotke, Captain. 551 00:36:29,062 --> 00:36:30,177 Krapotke, Captain. 552 00:36:30,980 --> 00:36:32,390 What is it, Krapotke? 553 00:36:32,899 --> 00:36:36,892 -Terrorist attack, Captain? -Speak in complete sentences! 554 00:36:37,070 --> 00:36:39,402 Terrorist attack. How about a verb? 555 00:36:42,659 --> 00:36:45,071 Was here a terrorist attack, Captain? 556 00:36:46,621 --> 00:36:48,486 Was, Krapotke. 557 00:36:48,665 --> 00:36:50,155 Yes, was. 558 00:36:50,333 --> 00:36:53,871 It was a so-called ‘suicide bomber,” 559 00:36:54,129 --> 00:36:56,245 someone who blew my nerves to bits. 560 00:36:56,423 --> 00:36:58,584 These world-weary types, Krapotke. 561 00:36:58,758 --> 00:37:00,840 They could jump off the Reichstag screaming, 562 00:37:01,010 --> 00:37:03,752 The system is rotten! But no. 563 00:37:04,013 --> 00:37:06,095 -It must be a train. -Wrong, Krapotke. 564 00:37:06,349 --> 00:37:08,886 Not a train, my train. 565 00:37:09,060 --> 00:37:11,301 Where is it you’re going, Krapotke? 566 00:37:11,521 --> 00:37:13,682 -A conference. -Complete sentences! 567 00:37:13,857 --> 00:37:16,519 -I’m going to a conference! -What conference? 568 00:37:17,068 --> 00:37:20,356 In Wannsee, Captain, on the future of the army. 569 00:37:20,530 --> 00:37:24,114 Holding a military conference in Wannsee is insensitive, 570 00:37:24,284 --> 00:37:26,195 don’t you agree, Krapotke? 571 00:37:30,290 --> 00:37:32,076 Because of the tourists? 572 00:37:36,463 --> 00:37:38,044 Forgetting history. 573 00:37:38,298 --> 00:37:40,209 But if we hadnt forgotten history 574 00:37:40,467 --> 00:37:44,380 who of us would still be wearing a uniform today, Krapotke? 575 00:37:45,054 --> 00:37:49,388 I thought the captain was traveling to the conference too. 576 00:37:49,642 --> 00:37:51,724 You, Krapotke, aren’t to think. 577 00:37:51,895 --> 00:37:56,355 Come along instead. The conference has been moved to Backwood. 578 00:37:56,524 --> 00:37:59,015 -Backwood? But... -Get in! 579 00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:01,017 Yes, Captain! 580 00:38:02,530 --> 00:38:06,569 -Whats the point of this? -lye got a feeling he could be useful. 581 00:38:06,743 --> 00:38:10,235 -A feeling? From where? -l read the script. 582 00:38:10,413 --> 00:38:12,654 TRUTH, FACTS, STAY VIGILANT 583 00:38:16,628 --> 00:38:19,791 You know “human-induced” global warming 584 00:38:20,048 --> 00:38:21,754 is a huge con. 585 00:38:21,925 --> 00:38:25,133 Lisbeth Schiabotnik tells it straight. Listen. 586 00:38:25,303 --> 00:38:28,261 There was a hot period in the Paleocene too. 587 00:38:28,431 --> 00:38:32,674 Now try and tell me my diesel is responsible for that too. 588 00:38:32,936 --> 00:38:35,018 But they don’t want us to hear that. 589 00:38:35,271 --> 00:38:40,391 Only yesterday one of Lisbeths events was interrupted by paid rabble-rousers. 590 00:38:40,652 --> 00:38:44,520 Luckily reporters from White Russian Today filmed everything. 591 00:38:44,781 --> 00:38:47,318 Not even scientists agree climate change exists. 592 00:38:47,492 --> 00:38:49,608 That’s just conspiracy bullshit. 593 00:38:49,869 --> 00:38:53,487 That’s the level at which our opponents argue. 594 00:38:53,665 --> 00:38:58,079 But could it potentially, possibly, perhaps, 595 00:38:58,253 --> 00:39:01,666 be that this kangaroo is paid to say such things? 596 00:39:02,340 --> 00:39:04,376 Who’s stuffing dollars in his pouch? 597 00:39:04,551 --> 00:39:07,167 Merkel? Soros? Gore? Gates? 598 00:39:07,428 --> 00:39:09,669 Contact me if you have leads. 599 00:39:10,390 --> 00:39:12,506 We’ll get to the bottom of it by CoCon. 600 00:39:12,684 --> 00:39:17,929 Apropos, the Conspiracy Convention is the world’s largest annual convention 601 00:39:18,106 --> 00:39:20,848 for contrarians and soldiers of truth. 602 00:39:21,109 --> 00:39:24,601 And this year, CoCon is taking place in Bielefeld. 603 00:39:25,113 --> 00:39:28,571 That caused some rifts within the scene. 604 00:39:29,742 --> 00:39:32,233 Even Krieger’s lying. CoCon is fake. 605 00:39:32,412 --> 00:39:38,373 What is Bielefeld if not a city built to keep secret that it doesn’t exist? 606 00:39:38,543 --> 00:39:40,955 What is II actually about? Zombies! 607 00:39:41,129 --> 00:39:42,118 Zombies. 608 00:39:44,299 --> 00:39:48,759 The Bielefeld conspiracy is a hoax. Don’t fall for such nonsense. 609 00:39:49,012 --> 00:39:51,469 You can get CoCon tickets on my webshop. 610 00:39:51,639 --> 00:39:54,802 See you at CoCon. Stay vigilant. 611 00:39:54,976 --> 00:39:56,841 Every industry has a fair. 612 00:39:57,020 --> 00:39:59,181 Yeah, even bulishit manufacturing. 613 00:39:59,355 --> 00:40:01,095 Nuts, Captain? 614 00:40:04,027 --> 00:40:06,609 And where’s the coffee, Krapotke? 615 00:40:06,779 --> 00:40:08,360 Yes, coffee. 616 00:40:09,949 --> 00:40:13,237 -Adam Krieger. That’s not a real name. -No. 617 00:40:14,245 --> 00:40:17,282 Did you know his real names S. Martazz? 618 00:40:17,457 --> 00:40:19,539 -Really? -You didn’t know? 619 00:40:19,792 --> 00:40:23,330 He was left-wing. He used to write for Workers Struggle. 620 00:40:23,588 --> 00:40:26,921 Then he jumped into the rabbit hole headfirst. 621 00:40:43,566 --> 00:40:45,898 Silver Lake! Silver Lake! 622 00:40:46,069 --> 00:40:49,402 Passengers to Backwood, change here. 623 00:40:56,204 --> 00:40:57,990 Please stand clear. 624 00:41:07,799 --> 00:41:09,130 Excuse me. 625 00:41:10,718 --> 00:41:12,879 I dont work here anymore. 626 00:41:14,138 --> 00:41:18,131 Might you still know when the next train to Backwood is coming? 627 00:41:18,393 --> 00:41:20,008 Stop that! 628 00:41:21,396 --> 00:41:23,682 To Backwood? 629 00:41:25,942 --> 00:41:28,809 Trains havent gone there in a long time. 630 00:41:28,987 --> 00:41:32,696 That line wasnt economically viable. You understand. 631 00:41:33,408 --> 00:41:35,990 But go over to platform two. 632 00:41:36,828 --> 00:41:40,616 If youre lucky, the draisine is available. 633 00:41:53,928 --> 00:41:56,840 VEHICLE PROVIDED BY SOUTHEAST BRANDENBURG STRUCTURAL FUND 634 00:41:59,934 --> 00:42:01,890 He wasnt joking. 635 00:42:02,437 --> 00:42:04,678 Yeah, then get going Krapotke. 636 00:42:05,815 --> 00:42:06,804 Yes, Captain. 637 00:42:42,435 --> 00:42:45,802 Now you’re happy we brought him along, eh? 638 00:42:45,980 --> 00:42:47,470 Faster, Krapotke! 639 00:42:47,648 --> 00:42:49,138 Yes, Captain! 640 00:43:03,498 --> 00:43:05,705 Krapotke! Krapotke! 641 00:43:06,250 --> 00:43:09,208 -Stop pumping! -No! Keep going, Krapotke! 642 00:43:09,378 --> 00:43:12,336 -It’ll all be fine! -Yes, Captain. 643 00:43:22,016 --> 00:43:23,552 Krapotke! 644 00:43:46,916 --> 00:43:48,656 Everything okay? 645 00:43:48,835 --> 00:43:53,579 The question alone gets my dander up. Obviously, nothing is okay. 646 00:43:54,298 --> 00:43:57,210 -Did you have a nightmare? -You bet I did. 647 00:43:57,385 --> 00:44:00,297 It probably swallowed up half our budget. 648 00:44:07,854 --> 00:44:09,560 BACKWOOD 649 00:44:12,316 --> 00:44:13,931 Well done, Krapotke. 650 00:44:14,193 --> 00:44:15,683 Thanks, Captain. 651 00:44:15,862 --> 00:44:19,480 -What do we do now? -You’re going to do a few pushups. 652 00:44:21,409 --> 00:44:24,526 -How many, Captain? -Until I say it’s enough. 653 00:44:24,787 --> 00:44:26,493 Yes, Captain. 654 00:44:29,417 --> 00:44:30,873 One, 655 00:44:31,043 --> 00:44:32,408 two, 656 00:44:32,587 --> 00:44:34,418 three, five... 657 00:44:38,176 --> 00:44:39,336 Look. 658 00:44:45,016 --> 00:44:46,927 Ms. Schiabotnik? 659 00:44:47,768 --> 00:44:49,383 Liesel 660 00:44:50,688 --> 00:44:52,394 You guys again! 661 00:44:52,565 --> 00:44:53,930 Yes, uh... 662 00:44:54,192 --> 00:44:55,978 Ms. Schiabotnik, 663 00:44:56,152 --> 00:44:59,019 I’ll make you an offer that you can accept, 664 00:44:59,197 --> 00:45:00,778 or not. 665 00:45:01,824 --> 00:45:03,439 We talk again, 666 00:45:04,577 --> 00:45:07,660 and if you can convince us of your theory, 667 00:45:07,914 --> 00:45:10,030 then well convince Maria. 668 00:45:10,208 --> 00:45:13,291 -Deal? -Well, I don’t have much time. 669 00:45:14,503 --> 00:45:19,167 I’m already on my way to CoCon. I’m speaking just before Adam Krieger. 670 00:45:19,342 --> 00:45:20,582 Oh, yeah? 671 00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:22,921 Yes. It wasn’t cheap. 672 00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:27,255 Then in you get. 673 00:45:27,516 --> 00:45:30,223 DIESEL LIESELS DRIVING SCHOOL 674 00:45:36,943 --> 00:45:39,184 WITH LOVE, YOUR JOE 675 00:46:04,095 --> 00:46:08,338 From Joe’s abstract phase. I’ve had plenty of offers for it. 676 00:46:10,309 --> 00:46:11,389 Why not? 677 00:46:12,353 --> 00:46:15,845 Right, so what’s your issue with climate protection? 678 00:46:16,732 --> 00:46:19,223 Even if in 50 years we were to realize 679 00:46:19,402 --> 00:46:25,022 that every scientist royally screwed up and global warming doesn’t exist, 680 00:46:25,199 --> 00:46:26,780 then what? 681 00:46:26,951 --> 00:46:30,990 For no reason at all, we’d have ensured our cities have clean air, 682 00:46:31,163 --> 00:46:34,576 rivers aren’t toxic, cars are quiet and don’t stink, 683 00:46:34,834 --> 00:46:38,292 and we no longer depend on dictators and their oil reserves. 684 00:46:38,462 --> 00:46:40,453 That would suck. 685 00:46:41,048 --> 00:46:42,709 What are you afraid of? 686 00:46:42,967 --> 00:46:45,333 Not the deindustrialization of Germany. 687 00:46:46,012 --> 00:46:48,970 -Whod want that? -That’s the question. 688 00:46:49,223 --> 00:46:53,512 It’s the question Caesar asked. Cuibono? Who profits? 689 00:46:53,769 --> 00:46:56,806 I don’t think that came from Caesar. 690 00:46:56,981 --> 00:47:00,348 Funny idea, falsely attributing quotes. 691 00:47:00,526 --> 00:47:04,485 The state profits. It’s a reason to raise taxes. 692 00:47:04,739 --> 00:47:08,903 “I came, I saw, I conquered.” Hillary Clinton. 693 00:47:10,328 --> 00:47:12,284 “Ask not what your country can do for you, 694 00:47:12,455 --> 00:47:14,741 but what you can do for your country.” 695 00:47:14,915 --> 00:47:16,701 Kim Jong-un. 696 00:47:18,336 --> 00:47:19,872 lye got one too. 697 00:47:20,046 --> 00:47:22,833 I have a simple recipe to keep fit. 698 00:47:23,007 --> 00:47:24,793 I go on killing spree every day. 699 00:47:27,595 --> 00:47:29,051 From whom? 700 00:47:29,305 --> 00:47:30,636 Attila Hildmann. 701 00:47:34,393 --> 00:47:36,179 Well, lye got to run. 702 00:47:36,437 --> 00:47:37,927 To CoCon. 703 00:47:39,023 --> 00:47:41,184 -Were coming along. -Really? 704 00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:43,645 Its a free country. For now. 705 00:47:43,819 --> 00:47:47,152 -My flight leaves in two hours. -Youre flying to Bielefeld? 706 00:47:47,323 --> 00:47:50,030 Im flying to Frankfurt and renting a car. 707 00:47:50,201 --> 00:47:52,237 I fly out of principle. 708 00:47:55,081 --> 00:47:58,824 Well-recognized scientists are battling the climate lie. 709 00:47:59,001 --> 00:48:01,663 You know atmospheric physicist Fred Singer? 710 00:48:01,921 --> 00:48:03,127 Fred Singer? 711 00:48:03,297 --> 00:48:05,788 He not only denied the climate crisis, 712 00:48:05,966 --> 00:48:09,709 he denied acid rain, that the hole in the ozone exists, 713 00:48:09,970 --> 00:48:11,676 and that smoking causes cancer. 714 00:48:11,847 --> 00:48:13,883 Very credible guy. 715 00:48:14,058 --> 00:48:19,303 What nerve. I had to pay a ten-euro baggage fee for my pouch. 716 00:48:20,981 --> 00:48:23,597 -Have you seen my phone? -No. 717 00:48:24,318 --> 00:48:27,526 We do random, non-suspicion-based full-scale checks. 718 00:48:28,030 --> 00:48:31,864 And you’re randomly, non-suspicion-based checking me 719 00:48:32,034 --> 00:48:35,242 because I don’t look so unsuspiciously Caucasian? 720 00:48:36,747 --> 00:48:38,783 Empty your pouch, please. 721 00:48:47,633 --> 00:48:49,840 Reunions are a joy. 722 00:48:50,761 --> 00:48:52,752 I need all of this back. 723 00:48:55,599 --> 00:48:57,635 Ah, look. My phone. 724 00:48:57,893 --> 00:49:00,760 Mine and yours are bourgeois categories. 725 00:49:04,108 --> 00:49:06,224 Please put the pouch on the belt. 726 00:49:06,485 --> 00:49:09,272 -I can’t do that, dude. -Pouch on the belt. 727 00:49:09,530 --> 00:49:11,316 Dude, its part of me. 728 00:49:11,574 --> 00:49:14,987 The pouch has to go on the belt! 729 00:49:16,370 --> 00:49:19,328 Por favor el pucho on el belto. 730 00:49:23,919 --> 00:49:25,955 Part of me! Cant do it! 731 00:49:26,213 --> 00:49:28,374 The pouch has to go on the belt. 732 00:49:28,549 --> 00:49:30,414 Those are the rules. 733 00:49:31,093 --> 00:49:33,459 This is degrading! 734 00:49:35,222 --> 00:49:38,259 Last call for Penguin Air 4773 735 00:49:38,517 --> 00:49:40,303 to Frankfurt. 736 00:49:40,561 --> 00:49:42,677 Proceed to gate 17 immediately. 737 00:49:42,855 --> 00:49:44,391 I cant make out a thing. 738 00:49:45,649 --> 00:49:48,106 -We’ve got to go again. -You have el cub in el aire. 739 00:49:48,277 --> 00:49:51,565 -And turn the pouch upside down. -Are they with you? 740 00:49:52,406 --> 00:49:53,862 No. 741 00:49:54,116 --> 00:49:56,903 Excuse me. Can I go through now? 742 00:49:57,828 --> 00:50:00,991 Jacket off, sweater down, belt open, shoes and hat off. 743 00:50:01,582 --> 00:50:02,913 Which... 744 00:50:13,844 --> 00:50:16,210 So what do you think, doctor? 745 00:50:17,056 --> 00:50:19,263 Is it serious? 746 00:50:19,934 --> 00:50:23,722 Is this okay? Or should I shave off the hair? 747 00:50:26,815 --> 00:50:29,682 Oh, I cant believe it. Them again. 748 00:50:29,944 --> 00:50:33,778 I’ll run through the charges, destruction of a scanning machine, 749 00:50:34,031 --> 00:50:38,274 or rather, one moment... an X-ray luggage scanner. 750 00:50:38,536 --> 00:50:41,448 -I got caught up in the cables. -Why always me? 751 00:50:42,498 --> 00:50:44,079 Indecent exposure. 752 00:50:44,250 --> 00:50:46,161 I haven’t eaten the whole day. 753 00:50:46,335 --> 00:50:48,121 And violating probation. 754 00:50:48,295 --> 00:50:51,207 Let’s keep it short. One month in prison. 755 00:50:51,465 --> 00:50:54,081 -What? -For both of them. 756 00:50:54,343 --> 00:50:57,085 -But Im just his pet. -Your honor. 757 00:50:57,263 --> 00:51:01,472 As we are dealing with repeat offenders, I think one month... 758 00:51:01,725 --> 00:51:05,388 -Then three. And don’t drag this out. -But... But... 759 00:51:05,604 --> 00:51:06,935 The cafeteria is about to close. 760 00:51:07,189 --> 00:51:11,478 -l have champagne truffles. -Whoa, that’s a bribe attempt. 761 00:51:13,404 --> 00:51:15,360 So, six months. Happy? 762 00:51:15,614 --> 00:51:17,195 But... 763 00:51:18,701 --> 00:51:20,908 -Huh? -Objection. 764 00:51:21,161 --> 00:51:22,742 Denied. 765 00:51:42,641 --> 00:51:44,427 Joe, my man. 766 00:51:44,685 --> 00:51:46,892 -Yeah. -So you’re back? 767 00:51:47,146 --> 00:51:49,262 Freddie, they can’t keep me down. 768 00:51:49,523 --> 00:51:52,686 How’s Martha doing? You old Martha fucker? 769 00:51:52,943 --> 00:51:55,810 You know her, always has something to gripe about. 770 00:51:55,988 --> 00:51:57,694 -Joe. -Tommi. 771 00:51:57,948 --> 00:52:01,031 You owe me a rematch on the tennis court. 772 00:52:09,084 --> 00:52:12,542 I brought a little something to nibble on. 773 00:52:12,796 --> 00:52:15,583 It’s all vegan. Dig in. Help yourselves. 774 00:52:16,342 --> 00:52:19,709 All righty then, according to Article 833, Section 2, 775 00:52:19,887 --> 00:52:22,003 the obligation to pay damages is invalid 776 00:52:22,264 --> 00:52:25,097 if they were caused by a pet that is part of 777 00:52:25,351 --> 00:52:28,969 the owner’s work, occupation, or livelihood. 778 00:52:29,104 --> 00:52:32,596 And this man is very clearly a small-time performer. 779 00:52:36,028 --> 00:52:40,317 The kangaroo is basically his mascot. It is part of his act. 780 00:52:40,574 --> 00:52:43,657 And id like to refer to Article 582. 781 00:52:43,827 --> 00:52:47,240 Yes, all right. Take the two of them with you, Joe. 782 00:52:50,584 --> 00:52:54,793 It was super nice of Joe to lend us his car to drive to CoCon. 783 00:52:54,963 --> 00:52:58,876 ‘Tommi, you owe me a rematch on the tennis court.’ 784 00:52:59,051 --> 00:53:01,963 ‘Dig in, please. Its all vegan.’ 785 00:53:05,182 --> 00:53:08,674 Why not leave your key here so I can start painting the walls? 786 00:53:08,852 --> 00:53:12,015 Look for a nice restaurant in Paris instead. 787 00:53:12,189 --> 00:53:14,180 If were not back in two days, 788 00:53:14,733 --> 00:53:16,724 avenge our deaths. 789 00:53:17,528 --> 00:53:22,318 Oh, “Don Quixote,” “The Big Lebowski,” kangaroo, red, Berlin, Italy, Havel. 790 00:53:22,491 --> 00:53:26,200 Joke: A doc tells a small-time performer he has three months to live. 791 00:53:26,370 --> 00:53:30,363 The performer says, All right, Doc. But off what? 792 00:53:32,418 --> 00:53:33,578 Cute. 793 00:53:40,926 --> 00:53:44,760 -And you needed so long for that list? -It wasn’t easy. 794 00:53:44,930 --> 00:53:48,514 Of course it is: Capital, Banana Joe,’ kangaroo, red, 795 00:53:48,684 --> 00:53:50,675 Hanoi, Vietnam, Mekong, and the joke: 796 00:53:50,853 --> 00:53:53,640 how many Vietcong vets does it take to put in a light bulb? 797 00:53:53,814 --> 00:53:56,226 -No idea, maybe two. -You have no idea! 798 00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:59,187 -You weren’t there! -Are you nuts? 799 00:54:00,946 --> 00:54:03,358 TRUTH, FACTS, STAY VIGILANT 800 00:54:07,202 --> 00:54:10,410 Last time I asked you for leads on this kangaroo. 801 00:54:10,664 --> 00:54:13,076 That’s just conspiracy bullshit. 802 00:54:13,333 --> 00:54:15,870 Walter Feldmann contacted me. 803 00:54:16,128 --> 00:54:19,620 Walter, you have a YouTube channel called Walternative Facts. 804 00:54:19,798 --> 00:54:24,508 -Correct. -A video of yours went through the roof. 805 00:54:24,678 --> 00:54:26,919 Yes, The Kangaroo Conspiracy. 806 00:54:27,097 --> 00:54:30,180 The kangaroo is the head of a conspiracy 807 00:54:30,434 --> 00:54:32,425 called the Antisocial Network. 808 00:54:32,686 --> 00:54:37,931 His anti-terror attacks aim to fan dirty left-wing-green-thinking eco-fascism. 809 00:54:38,192 --> 00:54:40,774 I mean how many times have I been branded a Nazi 810 00:54:40,944 --> 00:54:42,559 just because I’m a fan of the FOhref? 811 00:54:43,238 --> 00:54:47,698 But you’ve potentially, possibly, perhaps, uncovered something shocking. 812 00:54:47,951 --> 00:54:48,940 Yes. 813 00:54:49,119 --> 00:54:53,704 For centuries, kangaroos have been secretly pulling the strings. 814 00:54:55,209 --> 00:54:57,871 I’m sure you know this painting. 815 00:54:58,045 --> 00:54:59,751 What you don’t know is... 816 00:55:00,589 --> 00:55:02,250 that its been doctored. 817 00:55:02,508 --> 00:55:06,376 Recently, using terahertz radiation and layer amplification, 818 00:55:06,553 --> 00:55:09,886 it was revealed who was actually behind this revolution. 819 00:55:10,057 --> 00:55:14,596 A kangaroo! We have to stop the critter! Down with the kangaroo conspiracy! 820 00:55:14,853 --> 00:55:18,095 I am prepared to die for my c... country. 821 00:55:18,273 --> 00:55:20,605 Eva’s made us tea. Thank you, dear. 822 00:55:20,776 --> 00:55:24,268 -What kind? I don’t like black. -German herbal tea. 823 00:55:25,030 --> 00:55:28,022 Strength through Friends. Its on my webshop too. 824 00:55:28,742 --> 00:55:31,825 YouII find other great products too. Check it out. 825 00:55:32,079 --> 00:55:37,039 After seeing Walters kangaroo video, I had to do some research of my own. 826 00:55:37,209 --> 00:55:38,870 And what I found out 827 00:55:39,127 --> 00:55:42,619 might potentially, possibly, perhaps, be shocking. 828 00:55:56,854 --> 00:55:58,469 Stay vigilant. 829 00:55:58,897 --> 00:56:00,558 Stay vigilant. 830 00:56:01,817 --> 00:56:04,058 Dude, those freaks are out to get me. 831 00:56:04,236 --> 00:56:07,103 Soon youII be getting death threats. 832 00:56:07,281 --> 00:56:10,023 Do you think Joe has a gun in the glove box? 833 00:56:15,038 --> 00:56:16,244 Look. 834 00:56:16,415 --> 00:56:19,578 -Cookie? -You have no idea whats in that. 835 00:56:22,087 --> 00:56:27,047 As the guy who always gets sanctioned for animal neglect, 836 00:56:27,217 --> 00:56:29,799 I forbid you to eat those cookies. 837 00:56:32,723 --> 00:56:34,679 Stop that now! 838 00:56:34,933 --> 00:56:37,720 -Rock Paper Blizzard? -If I win, you stop? 839 00:56:37,895 --> 00:56:40,557 If I win I get to eat them all without you griping. 840 00:56:40,731 --> 00:56:43,063 -Deal! -Rock, paper, blizzard! 841 00:56:43,942 --> 00:56:45,728 Whats that? A giraffe again? 842 00:56:45,986 --> 00:56:48,523 Its a Tyrannosaurus rex, you loser! 843 00:56:48,697 --> 00:56:50,028 Interesting. 844 00:56:50,282 --> 00:56:53,069 Fun fact: my fist was a falling meteorite. 845 00:56:55,954 --> 00:56:56,989 Duh. 846 00:56:57,497 --> 00:56:59,863 Anyone can win with a meteorite. 847 00:57:01,877 --> 00:57:03,959 And a falling meteorite is a pleonasm. 848 00:57:04,129 --> 00:57:06,996 An asteroid becomes a meteorite by falling. 849 00:57:07,257 --> 00:57:11,375 Had you pointed at yourself and said smartass, you’d have won. 850 00:57:11,637 --> 00:57:13,468 -Two of three. -Rock, paper, blizzard! 851 00:57:13,639 --> 00:57:14,628 Firestorm. 852 00:57:15,349 --> 00:57:17,010 -Well. -No wells! 853 00:57:17,184 --> 00:57:20,517 I can do anything I think of, but not a well? 854 00:57:20,687 --> 00:57:22,223 -Yes. -Nonsense. 855 00:57:22,481 --> 00:57:24,221 Okay, three of five. 856 00:57:24,399 --> 00:57:26,230 -Rock, paper... -No black holes. 857 00:57:26,485 --> 00:57:28,476 -How did you know I...? -. blizzard. 858 00:57:28,654 --> 00:57:30,519 It isnt a game of chance. 859 00:57:38,372 --> 00:57:40,704 Find the fastest route to Bielefeld. 860 00:57:40,958 --> 00:57:42,789 SEARCHING FOR BIELEFELD 861 00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:45,042 Not found. 862 00:57:47,798 --> 00:57:49,288 No problem, 863 00:57:49,549 --> 00:57:52,165 I have an excellent sense of direction. 864 00:57:52,844 --> 00:57:55,586 We’ll be there before you can say razupaltuff. 865 00:57:55,764 --> 00:57:57,470 Other way around. 866 00:57:58,058 --> 00:58:00,014 Hold on. Nearly got it. One sec. 867 00:58:00,686 --> 00:58:02,677 You have to get off here. 868 00:58:32,050 --> 00:58:33,790 EARLY SHOP VILLAGE DRINKS 869 00:58:44,938 --> 00:58:45,927 Hello? 870 00:58:46,106 --> 00:58:50,065 My mom told me to be wary of places where right-wing radicals 871 00:58:50,235 --> 00:58:52,601 keep their posters down low. 872 00:58:52,863 --> 00:58:54,273 PRINCE OF EUROPE 873 00:59:02,039 --> 00:59:03,654 Are you nuts? 874 00:59:13,008 --> 00:59:15,875 I have a really terrible feeling. 875 00:59:16,553 --> 00:59:19,511 Lets go ask at the inn. Looks nice. 876 00:59:22,684 --> 00:59:24,595 HEIDIS 877 00:59:35,989 --> 00:59:37,729 Good evening. 878 00:59:39,534 --> 00:59:41,149 Come on. 879 00:59:45,040 --> 00:59:46,371 Hello? 880 00:59:47,084 --> 00:59:50,292 Oh no. This is the shadow world. Its the Upside Down. 881 00:59:50,462 --> 00:59:52,999 -We have to go. -Pull yourself together. 882 00:59:53,882 --> 00:59:55,622 Ah! Dark Herta! 883 00:59:55,884 --> 00:59:57,795 Urn... Good evening. 884 00:59:58,053 --> 01:00:01,921 What kind of a strange dog is that you got there? 885 01:00:03,892 --> 01:00:07,601 -Dark Jesus! Dark Maria! -Were going to the refugee home. 886 01:00:08,396 --> 01:00:10,478 We need to... 887 01:00:10,649 --> 01:00:12,640 charge our electric car. 888 01:00:12,818 --> 01:00:14,900 Do you have an outlet for us? 889 01:00:15,070 --> 01:00:17,482 You think out here in the country 890 01:00:18,198 --> 01:00:20,530 we just have torches and candles? 891 01:00:20,784 --> 01:00:21,773 THE GERMAN PEOPLE 892 01:00:21,952 --> 01:00:23,817 That we live primitively? 893 01:00:24,079 --> 01:00:26,115 Or, as Thomas Hobbes would put it, 894 01:00:26,373 --> 01:00:29,410 “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short? 895 01:00:29,668 --> 01:00:30,908 Dark Uwe! 896 01:00:31,169 --> 01:00:32,534 Your opposite. 897 01:00:32,712 --> 01:00:35,124 I mean, he’s manly, 898 01:00:35,674 --> 01:00:37,210 talented and... 899 01:00:37,384 --> 01:00:38,874 Kiss me. 900 01:00:40,846 --> 01:00:42,382 loved. 901 01:00:45,183 --> 01:00:47,048 Who? Where? 902 01:00:47,310 --> 01:00:49,141 Who is it? 903 01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:52,186 Who is my opposite? 904 01:01:02,534 --> 01:01:04,149 Plugged in! 905 01:01:22,888 --> 01:01:24,549 VACANCY 906 01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:35,351 You better not wake me. 907 01:01:48,246 --> 01:01:50,407 Just don’t lose your head. 908 01:01:59,216 --> 01:02:01,207 Long ilve Aldebaran! 909 01:02:01,384 --> 01:02:05,753 We were in contact. The Aldebaran confirmed our worst fears. 910 01:02:05,931 --> 01:02:10,265 The invasion of the reptillans by the Draco constellation has begun. 911 01:02:10,435 --> 01:02:14,895 The government of GER Ltd. has been subjected by the Plutonium Empire. 912 01:02:15,065 --> 01:02:17,397 The Sucknitz cell must take action! 913 01:02:17,567 --> 01:02:21,230 We have to cap the Reptillans’ adrenochrome supply. 914 01:02:22,989 --> 01:02:28,029 -The Reptilians are among us. -Even here, in Sucknitz. 915 01:02:28,203 --> 01:02:30,489 Stop gabbing so much, we have to act! 916 01:02:30,664 --> 01:02:32,746 We have to get to the bunkers in Berlin! 917 01:02:32,999 --> 01:02:37,663 -To free the kids! -Or they’ll harvest their adrenochrome. 918 01:02:37,837 --> 01:02:40,749 -We’re ready! -For the children! 919 01:02:41,007 --> 01:02:43,544 -For the children! -For the children! 920 01:02:43,802 --> 01:02:46,259 We are not alone. 921 01:02:48,056 --> 01:02:49,262 No. 922 01:02:55,272 --> 01:02:57,058 Leave me! Leave me! 923 01:02:57,649 --> 01:02:59,059 Leave me! 924 01:02:59,317 --> 01:03:01,524 -Leave me! -lye given your... 925 01:03:02,404 --> 01:03:05,191 Well, it can’t be a kangaroo 926 01:03:05,448 --> 01:03:08,281 because owning wild animals is not permitted. 927 01:03:08,451 --> 01:03:10,863 Let’s just say I’ve given your... dog 928 01:03:11,121 --> 01:03:13,203 a mix of diazepam and haloperidol. 929 01:03:13,373 --> 01:03:15,705 Did someone say dog? 930 01:03:15,875 --> 01:03:18,582 You won’t believe the far-out trip I had. 931 01:03:19,129 --> 01:03:21,165 Oh, yes, I believe it. 932 01:03:23,925 --> 01:03:25,415 Are you nuts? 933 01:03:25,593 --> 01:03:27,675 SUCKNITZ VILLAGE FAIR PRINCE OF EUROPE 934 01:03:27,846 --> 01:03:30,883 This is the shadow world. Its the Upside Down. Dark Herta! 935 01:03:31,057 --> 01:03:33,048 Collections for the childrens home? 936 01:03:33,226 --> 01:03:35,683 Dark Maria! Dark Jesus! 937 01:03:35,937 --> 01:03:37,598 Dark Uwe! 938 01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:42,607 Who is my opposite? 939 01:03:44,612 --> 01:03:46,443 HEIDI’S 940 01:03:46,614 --> 01:03:49,947 Maybe you shouldn’t have eaten the cookies, hm? 941 01:03:50,118 --> 01:03:53,360 Maybe you shouldn’t have wagered our apartment, hm? 942 01:03:53,538 --> 01:03:56,575 Maybe you shouldn’t have come to the dark restaurant, hm? 943 01:03:56,750 --> 01:03:59,958 Maybe I shouldn’t have asked you for eggs, hm? 944 01:04:00,128 --> 01:04:03,586 Maybe I shouldn’t have answered. Maybe I liked living alone. 945 01:04:03,757 --> 01:04:04,997 Hm? 946 01:04:08,136 --> 01:04:09,376 Cookie? 947 01:04:23,068 --> 01:04:25,855 Last night, after a heat wave lasting weeks, 948 01:04:26,112 --> 01:04:29,320 we had torrent/al rains, so drive carefully. 949 01:04:29,491 --> 01:04:32,858 And nowa hit my good friend Joe requested. 950 01:04:33,036 --> 01:04:37,530 He says hi to all the people, animals, and plants on the planet. 951 01:04:52,138 --> 01:04:54,595 Ding-dong! We’re paying you a visit 952 01:04:54,849 --> 01:04:57,465 Ringing your bell with rhythm and pie Give it a fry 953 01:04:57,644 --> 01:05:01,978 We picked it from the rhythm pie tree Take a bite and see 954 01:05:02,148 --> 01:05:05,936 And have you guessed The out-of-this-world secrets inside? 955 01:05:06,111 --> 01:05:08,397 Brain, eyes, /,s, heart, nose, legs, breast 956 01:05:08,571 --> 01:05:11,028 Put them together then shake’em with the rest 957 01:05:11,282 --> 01:05:15,241 Cut a rug and we ‘II sing to you We’re the dream team, so damn cool 958 01:05:15,495 --> 01:05:17,531 On our knees, we beg and plead 959 01:05:17,705 --> 01:05:19,536 Please, oh please, don’t be such a dweeb 960 01:05:19,791 --> 01:05:22,498 Get crazy, people, champagne and treats 961 01:05:22,752 --> 01:05:26,745 Let’s outwit logic to the beat Throw confetti and walk on tables 962 01:05:26,923 --> 01:05:29,209 And eat our brains with ladles 963 01:05:29,467 --> 01:05:31,423 / mean, logic is sick overrated 964 01:05:31,594 --> 01:05:34,210 Bielefeld! You have to turn off! Turn! 965 01:05:34,472 --> 01:05:36,463 ...one p/us one plus one plus one 966 01:05:36,724 --> 01:05:39,056 plus one plus one plus one is six! 967 01:05:44,649 --> 01:05:45,855 Crap, crap. 968 01:05:53,950 --> 01:05:55,486 Tell me the cookies are gone. 969 01:06:04,419 --> 01:06:06,034 Pack them away. 970 01:06:06,296 --> 01:06:07,877 Pack them away, quick! 971 01:06:08,506 --> 01:06:10,167 Not in your pouch! 972 01:06:10,675 --> 01:06:11,915 Yeah. 973 01:06:14,429 --> 01:06:15,885 Theyll see them! 974 01:06:16,139 --> 01:06:18,346 What was I supposed to do with them? 975 01:06:20,977 --> 01:06:23,434 -Eat them! -You eat them! 976 01:06:30,236 --> 01:06:32,477 Where did you learn to drive? 977 01:06:34,115 --> 01:06:35,821 -Lisbeth? -Lisbeth! 978 01:06:36,743 --> 01:06:39,530 Its you guys. Unbelievable. 979 01:06:39,787 --> 01:06:43,120 -What are you doing here? -lye got to get to CoCon. 980 01:06:46,669 --> 01:06:49,661 And, urn... Why do you have a police car? 981 01:06:52,842 --> 01:06:54,707 That’s a long story. 982 01:06:55,845 --> 01:06:59,133 Dear passengers, due to disastrous weather conditions 983 01:06:59,390 --> 01:07:01,881 the fliqht is being rerouted. 984 01:07:06,940 --> 01:07:08,396 Fuck you. 985 01:07:21,829 --> 01:07:23,740 Stay vigilant. 986 01:07:25,333 --> 01:07:27,449 I havent slept much. 987 01:07:29,546 --> 01:07:30,626 Sick. 988 01:07:30,797 --> 01:07:34,289 That has to be the most incredible... No! 989 01:07:42,892 --> 01:07:45,759 Please turn. Please turn. 990 01:07:47,063 --> 01:07:49,679 Cars aren’t really your thing, huh? 991 01:08:06,541 --> 01:08:08,998 I have to go. Im running late. 992 01:08:09,961 --> 01:08:11,952 Im speaking just before Adam Krieger. 993 01:08:12,130 --> 01:08:16,089 III take you. I have an excellent sense of direction. 994 01:08:17,844 --> 01:08:19,459 -Urn... Yes. -But... 995 01:08:20,305 --> 01:08:24,389 Shouldnt we call roadside assistance or something? 996 01:08:35,194 --> 01:08:37,025 Howdy Doody, Joe speaking. 997 01:08:37,196 --> 01:08:39,152 Hey, Joe. So? 998 01:08:39,741 --> 01:08:41,606 Listen, your car... 999 01:08:41,868 --> 01:08:46,703 is parked on the side of the road, just outside of Bielefeld. 1000 01:08:46,956 --> 01:08:50,164 A/though ‘parked” isn’t exactly the right word. 1001 01:08:50,335 --> 01:08:54,624 That is, it’s more kind of lying there... on its hood. 1002 01:08:54,881 --> 01:08:57,372 There was this bee that... 1003 01:08:58,301 --> 01:09:00,508 Its, uh... hard to explain. 1004 01:09:00,678 --> 01:09:04,011 Ah, no biggie. Don’t worry about it, ft’s insured. 1005 01:09:04,182 --> 01:09:06,594 The main thing is that youre fine. 1006 01:09:11,022 --> 01:09:12,978 Do you see that too? 1007 01:09:16,569 --> 01:09:20,107 I presume were dealing with a rift in time. 1008 01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:22,776 Say what? 1009 01:09:23,034 --> 01:09:27,528 A rift in the space-time continuum has sent us back 2,000 years. 1010 01:09:27,705 --> 01:09:29,616 Liesel! What are you doing? 1011 01:09:29,791 --> 01:09:31,827 -Liesel’ -Excuse me. 1012 01:09:32,710 --> 01:09:35,372 Excuse me, are you on your way to CoCon? 1013 01:09:37,298 --> 01:09:39,539 Surround her! 1014 01:09:45,264 --> 01:09:47,425 -The die is cast! -Seize the day! 1015 01:09:47,684 --> 01:09:51,597 Weve found a German who have a funny dog. 1016 01:09:51,729 --> 01:09:55,597 Who has a funny dog! 1017 01:09:57,276 --> 01:09:59,232 Forward, prisoners! 1018 01:10:00,488 --> 01:10:01,523 Watch it! 1019 01:10:02,073 --> 01:10:04,485 I fell in the magic potion as a kid. 1020 01:10:06,077 --> 01:10:07,487 What is this? 1021 01:10:07,745 --> 01:10:11,283 Clades Variana. 1022 01:10:11,541 --> 01:10:13,623 -Yo, Clades, wassup? -Hey, no. 1023 01:10:13,876 --> 01:10:15,582 Im not Clades. 1024 01:10:15,753 --> 01:10:18,119 This is the Clades Variana, 1025 01:10:18,297 --> 01:10:20,037 the Varian Disaster. 1026 01:10:21,050 --> 01:10:25,510 I am Publius Quinctilius Varus of Cremona, 1027 01:10:25,763 --> 01:10:30,132 son of quaestor Sextus Quinctilius Varus. 1028 01:10:30,393 --> 01:10:34,056 Commander of three Roman legions! 1029 01:10:37,567 --> 01:10:39,273 And in real life? 1030 01:10:39,527 --> 01:10:41,108 Our Latin teacher. 1031 01:10:42,739 --> 01:10:44,946 Mag/sterlatinae //ngulae est. 1032 01:10:45,199 --> 01:10:46,689 Romans go the home! 1033 01:10:47,243 --> 01:10:50,531 Romans go home! 1034 01:10:50,705 --> 01:10:52,570 Raise shields! 1035 01:10:55,877 --> 01:10:57,117 Turn around! 1036 01:11:00,047 --> 01:11:01,787 Speers down! 1037 01:11:25,281 --> 01:11:28,944 -And you do this every year? -Isnt it grand! 1038 01:11:34,332 --> 01:11:36,994 -Hello. -You had an accident? 1039 01:11:37,251 --> 01:11:38,661 Yeah... 1040 01:11:39,295 --> 01:11:42,002 - There was this bee, and... -Is my mom with you? 1041 01:11:43,174 --> 01:11:45,165 -Maybe. -Is she all right? 1042 01:11:45,426 --> 01:11:47,337 I don’t know. 1043 01:11:48,429 --> 01:11:49,919 Whats going on? 1044 01:11:50,181 --> 01:11:52,217 That’s hard to explain. 1045 01:11:52,475 --> 01:11:54,306 Very hard to explain. 1046 01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:56,721 What is hard to explain? 1047 01:11:56,938 --> 01:11:59,350 -Urn... the situation in general. -Fire! 1048 01:12:00,650 --> 01:12:02,265 Take cover! 1049 01:12:03,152 --> 01:12:05,313 They have ballistas’ 1050 01:12:05,488 --> 01:12:06,477 Ballistae! 1051 01:12:06,739 --> 01:12:08,275 They have ballistae’ 1052 01:12:09,408 --> 01:12:11,649 Who has balllstae? 1053 01:12:13,246 --> 01:12:14,861 The connect/on is bad. 1054 01:12:15,122 --> 01:12:16,237 At/east! hope so. 1055 01:12:18,167 --> 01:12:19,907 Are you in a movie theater? 1056 01:12:20,169 --> 01:12:21,875 -Excuse me. -Hello? 1057 01:12:24,757 --> 01:12:26,622 Do I have to avenge your death? 1058 01:12:26,884 --> 01:12:27,999 Nope... 1059 01:12:28,261 --> 01:12:29,876 No. 1060 01:12:39,230 --> 01:12:43,098 Urn, excuse me. Which way is it to Bielefeld? 1061 01:12:46,946 --> 01:12:48,231 Thanks. 1062 01:13:16,517 --> 01:13:18,348 That was a cakewalk. 1063 01:13:19,478 --> 01:13:21,560 COCON WELCOME TO THE TRUTH 1064 01:13:28,654 --> 01:13:31,817 THIS EVENING YOUR PATH TO THE TRUTH 1065 01:13:33,284 --> 01:13:35,275 STOP ORGANIC DIGITIZATION 1066 01:13:35,453 --> 01:13:37,284 AGAINST THE VACCINE MAFIA 1067 01:13:39,916 --> 01:13:44,455 Come with me and you’ll find all it’ll cost you is your mind.” 1068 01:13:44,629 --> 01:13:46,244 Donald Trump. 1069 01:14:09,820 --> 01:14:11,401 Welcome, 1070 01:14:11,656 --> 01:14:14,113 you are now a citizen of the Reich. 1071 01:14:14,367 --> 01:14:16,449 I’m a citizen of the Reich! 1072 01:14:17,578 --> 01:14:20,115 The Romans were harmless in comparison. 1073 01:14:20,289 --> 01:14:23,622 Yes. And this here appears to be out. 1074 01:14:25,544 --> 01:14:26,750 SYSTEM TRASH 1075 01:14:27,004 --> 01:14:29,541 These 499-euro sunglasses of mine 1076 01:14:29,799 --> 01:14:33,792 are an indispensable resource in the fight against reptilians. 1077 01:14:34,720 --> 01:14:37,462 That one helps heal... rheumatism. 1078 01:14:37,723 --> 01:14:39,714 Whats that you said? 1079 01:14:40,851 --> 01:14:43,217 That one helps heal hearing loss. 1080 01:14:43,479 --> 01:14:45,686 Can I get an autograph too? 1081 01:14:45,856 --> 01:14:47,687 Yes, sure. Of course. 1082 01:14:47,858 --> 01:14:49,439 -Here. -Awesome. 1083 01:14:49,694 --> 01:14:51,855 -Diesel Liesel’ -On the hat. 1084 01:14:52,113 --> 01:14:53,068 Right. 1085 01:14:53,322 --> 01:14:54,402 On the arm. 1086 01:14:54,657 --> 01:14:57,649 -Thank you. -Im a huge fan. Can you sign the baby? 1087 01:14:57,910 --> 01:14:58,865 Uh, no. 1088 01:14:59,120 --> 01:15:02,954 Donald Trump confirmed that vaccines cause autism. 1089 01:15:03,207 --> 01:15:05,289 And he’s a well-trained doctor. 1090 01:15:05,459 --> 01:15:07,871 Go on. One for your child too. 1091 01:15:08,629 --> 01:15:11,211 And that’s why it was an inside job. 1092 01:15:11,382 --> 01:15:14,089 -Thank you for the chat. -Thank you. 1093 01:15:19,515 --> 01:15:22,973 9/11 is the cannabis of conspiracy theories. 1094 01:15:23,227 --> 01:15:26,515 No, I think Covid-19 is the gateway drug now. 1095 01:15:26,689 --> 01:15:29,146 This isnt the right place for this. 1096 01:15:29,400 --> 01:15:30,810 -Please go. -Security! 1097 01:15:31,068 --> 01:15:34,310 I thought anyone could say any old bull here. 1098 01:15:34,572 --> 01:15:36,437 -Okay, fine. -Move! 1099 01:15:36,615 --> 01:15:39,072 I have proof that 9/11 1100 01:15:39,326 --> 01:15:41,817 wasnt an inside job! 1101 01:15:42,913 --> 01:15:45,245 Could I still get a T-shirt? 1102 01:15:45,499 --> 01:15:47,285 I do workshops in Brandenburg. 1103 01:15:47,543 --> 01:15:50,285 A Glock 32 is good. Its easy to grip. 1104 01:15:50,546 --> 01:15:54,505 You can crawl across the floor, or jump. You have to jump after them. 1105 01:15:54,759 --> 01:15:57,922 You’ve got to shoot the critters right in the stomach, the head. 1106 01:15:58,179 --> 01:16:00,795 If you leave the window open at night, 1107 01:16:01,057 --> 01:16:03,924 illegal drones will implant a microchip inside you. 1108 01:16:04,185 --> 01:16:08,144 Then Hitler withdrew to New Swabia in a Nazi UFO. 1109 01:16:08,397 --> 01:16:10,353 where he realized that 1110 01:16:10,608 --> 01:16:13,350 the sun is cold. 1111 01:16:13,527 --> 01:16:17,645 -Why else would... -Im glad rn no small-time performer. 1112 01:16:17,823 --> 01:16:20,986 ltd be very hard to overstate this. 1113 01:16:22,661 --> 01:16:26,495 You have to understate it or no one will believe it. 1114 01:16:26,665 --> 01:16:30,408 The small hail: pendulum divining wllh heavy metals for beginners. 1115 01:16:30,669 --> 01:16:33,627 Krieger founded a money-grubbing publishing house. 1116 01:16:35,883 --> 01:16:38,716 -He was a left-wing radical? -Yes. 1117 01:16:39,845 --> 01:16:45,385 Strange. People who fall into the rabbit hole always land on the far right. 1118 01:16:45,559 --> 01:16:47,049 Nonsense. 1119 01:16:47,228 --> 01:16:48,843 Krieger isn’t a Nazi. 1120 01:16:49,105 --> 01:16:50,970 Don’t take this the wrong way, 1121 01:16:51,148 --> 01:16:55,107 but if something walks, clucks, and lays eggs like a chicken, 1122 01:16:55,277 --> 01:16:57,643 then it very probably is a chicken. 1123 01:16:57,905 --> 01:16:59,566 Oh, crap. 1124 01:17:00,366 --> 01:17:05,030 Come over here, we have the latest truth for you. 1125 01:17:05,204 --> 01:17:08,071 Here’s what its all about: the world is a cube. 1126 01:17:08,332 --> 01:17:12,746 We’ve got T-shirts for 79.90, and were everywhere. 1127 01:17:12,920 --> 01:17:15,582 Were on Facebook. We’re on... 1128 01:17:22,888 --> 01:17:25,846 -Do you remember us? -Were your biggest fans. 1129 01:17:26,100 --> 01:17:27,510 What? But... 1130 01:17:28,102 --> 01:17:31,970 We took the liberty of disseminating your revolutionary message. 1131 01:17:32,231 --> 01:17:33,391 What? 1132 01:17:33,566 --> 01:17:35,807 My message? I dont understand. 1133 01:17:36,068 --> 01:17:38,559 We were there, in KOpenick, 1134 01:17:38,737 --> 01:17:40,944 when you spoke of the cube Earth. 1135 01:17:41,198 --> 01:17:44,986 The only way to ward off chemtrails is to have a roof over your head. 1136 01:17:45,161 --> 01:17:46,822 Earth is a cube. 1137 01:17:47,955 --> 01:17:49,946 A cube-Earth theory. 1138 01:17:50,541 --> 01:17:52,657 The Earth is obviously square. 1139 01:17:52,835 --> 01:17:55,372 Why else do all maps have four corners? 1140 01:17:55,546 --> 01:17:58,128 Weve been spreading your truth everywhere. 1141 01:17:58,299 --> 01:18:01,086 Facebook, YouTube, Insta, Twitter, 4chan, 1142 01:18:01,343 --> 01:18:03,675 5chan, 6chan, 7chan, 1143 01:18:03,929 --> 01:18:05,214 8chan, 1144 01:18:05,472 --> 01:18:07,212 MySpace, Telegram, WeChat, 1145 01:18:07,474 --> 01:18:08,680 nextdoor.de, 1146 01:18:08,934 --> 01:18:11,767 Reddit, WhatsApp, StudiVZ, TikTok. 1147 01:18:12,021 --> 01:18:16,936 Soon only sheeple will believe the Earth is flat and/or round. 1148 01:18:17,109 --> 01:18:18,724 Round? Ha. 1149 01:18:18,903 --> 01:18:20,143 How ridiculous. 1150 01:18:20,404 --> 01:18:22,986 What baloney. That was just a joke. 1151 01:18:23,240 --> 01:18:25,401 This is all one big joke. 1152 01:18:25,659 --> 01:18:29,447 -What? -I thought up the thing with the cube. 1153 01:18:31,123 --> 01:18:32,203 Ah. 1154 01:18:32,374 --> 01:18:36,242 This is a test? Youre testing our true belief. 1155 01:18:36,503 --> 01:18:38,459 -Right? -No. 1156 01:18:38,631 --> 01:18:40,371 Its bulicrap. 1157 01:18:42,635 --> 01:18:44,796 And you’re still allowed to say that. 1158 01:18:46,305 --> 01:18:47,886 Oh, Lisbeth. 1159 01:18:48,766 --> 01:18:51,223 Lisbeth, why are you denying everything? 1160 01:18:51,852 --> 01:18:53,808 I can tell you why. 1161 01:18:55,272 --> 01:18:57,308 The kangaroo brainwashed her. 1162 01:18:57,483 --> 01:18:58,643 Me? 1163 01:18:59,318 --> 01:19:03,027 You must’ve sat in the garage with the engine running. 1164 01:19:03,197 --> 01:19:06,781 You’ve been brainwashed, and/or are a traitor. 1165 01:19:07,034 --> 01:19:08,524 Traitor! 1166 01:19:08,702 --> 01:19:11,159 -Traitor! -Traitor! 1167 01:19:11,413 --> 01:19:13,449 Traitor! Traitor! 1168 01:19:21,090 --> 01:19:23,172 Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! 1169 01:19:28,264 --> 01:19:31,802 I’m certain we are potentially, possibly, perhaps, 1170 01:19:31,976 --> 01:19:34,718 dealing with a misunderstanding here. 1171 01:19:36,438 --> 01:19:38,645 This is Lisbeth. 1172 01:19:38,816 --> 01:19:40,556 Diesel Liesel. 1173 01:19:40,818 --> 01:19:42,399 One of us. 1174 01:19:42,653 --> 01:19:44,314 Right, Lisbeth? 1175 01:19:45,823 --> 01:19:49,111 -Adam, I really don’t know... -Hey, Mr. S.! 1176 01:19:49,285 --> 01:19:50,900 A real S. Martazz! 1177 01:19:54,081 --> 01:19:56,538 These fools aren’t with you, are they? 1178 01:20:01,422 --> 01:20:02,582 No. 1179 01:20:06,802 --> 01:20:08,133 You see? 1180 01:20:08,304 --> 01:20:10,966 Go freshen up. You’re up in five minutes. 1181 01:20:11,140 --> 01:20:12,346 Yes. 1182 01:20:13,309 --> 01:20:15,675 Its our duty to stop the kangaroo! 1183 01:20:15,853 --> 01:20:17,969 That critter can’t leave here alive! 1184 01:20:24,445 --> 01:20:27,733 Mincemeat! Mincemeat! Mincemeat... 1185 01:20:41,086 --> 01:20:44,499 Wait! What you’re about to do is murder! 1186 01:20:44,673 --> 01:20:47,005 You’ll all go to prison for this. 1187 01:20:47,176 --> 01:20:48,507 Not true. 1188 01:20:49,470 --> 01:20:52,758 As per the German Criminal Code, animals are goods. 1189 01:20:52,931 --> 01:20:56,298 According to Article 303, killing this kangaroo 1190 01:20:56,560 --> 01:20:59,427 would merely be considered property damage. 1191 01:20:59,688 --> 01:21:00,768 What? 1192 01:21:00,939 --> 01:21:05,683 So we would at most, potentially, possibly, perhaps, 1193 01:21:05,861 --> 01:21:11,026 be liable to provide recourse to this gentlemen for killing his pet. 1194 01:21:11,283 --> 01:21:14,195 It isnt my pet. It belongs to itself. 1195 01:21:14,370 --> 01:21:16,861 It’s peculiar when it comes to ownership. 1196 01:21:17,122 --> 01:21:19,864 -Ugh, bad timing. -All the better. 1197 01:21:20,626 --> 01:21:24,995 Killing an animal without an owner is no problem whatsoever. 1198 01:21:25,255 --> 01:21:26,745 -Nice. -No! 1199 01:21:27,007 --> 01:21:29,373 -No! -Stop! Stop! 1200 01:21:29,968 --> 01:21:32,175 One moment. Stop! Stop! 1201 01:21:32,429 --> 01:21:34,044 Stop! 1202 01:21:34,223 --> 01:21:37,215 Scheduling announcement: in five minutes 1203 01:21:37,476 --> 01:21:39,592 Diesel Liesel, followed by... 1204 01:21:39,770 --> 01:21:42,102 -Lisbeth. -...Adam Krieger, ilve. 1205 01:21:42,356 --> 01:21:47,350 You’ve found like-minded people, friends, I’d even say family. 1206 01:21:48,654 --> 01:21:51,487 Don’t say anything you’ll regret later. 1207 01:21:54,284 --> 01:21:59,278 As per the statutes the Brotherhood of Truth Warriors adopted in 1448 1208 01:21:59,540 --> 01:22:04,000 in Nuremberg, I demand the accused be allowed to defend themselves, 1209 01:22:04,169 --> 01:22:06,000 in a duel. 1210 01:22:13,053 --> 01:22:16,921 That might potentially, possibly, perhaps, 1211 01:22:17,599 --> 01:22:19,555 indeed be in the statutes. 1212 01:22:20,853 --> 01:22:22,684 If the accused demand a duel, 1213 01:22:22,855 --> 01:22:25,267 then it must be granted to them. 1214 01:22:25,524 --> 01:22:28,607 And the accused get to choose the weapons. 1215 01:22:28,777 --> 01:22:30,142 I choose... 1216 01:22:30,654 --> 01:22:32,485 Rock Paper Blizzard. 1217 01:22:36,618 --> 01:22:39,906 Welcome to the big Rock Paper Blizzard duel. 1218 01:22:45,419 --> 01:22:47,876 Were playing best of three. 1219 01:22:48,130 --> 01:22:51,588 Once one team has won two duels, it has won. 1220 01:22:52,176 --> 01:22:55,134 Round one features the kangaroo... 1221 01:22:59,892 --> 01:23:02,053 against Heinz! 1222 01:23:08,775 --> 01:23:10,265 On your marks... 1223 01:23:24,500 --> 01:23:25,990 get set... 1224 01:23:29,087 --> 01:23:32,124 rock, paper, blizzard! 1225 01:23:34,301 --> 01:23:36,087 Climate crisis. 1226 01:23:37,095 --> 01:23:38,676 Adam Kriegerl 1227 01:23:43,435 --> 01:23:46,472 Krieger doesn’t believe in the climate crisis. 1228 01:23:46,730 --> 01:23:49,642 It doesn’t care if Krieger doesn’t believe in it. 1229 01:23:49,816 --> 01:23:52,228 -It’s coming no matter what. -Oh, yeah? 1230 01:23:53,028 --> 01:23:54,609 Krieger doesn’t care. 1231 01:23:55,155 --> 01:23:57,646 Even if there were a crisis, 1232 01:23:57,824 --> 01:24:02,568 in central Germany it wouldn’t be really bad until after he’s dead. 1233 01:24:05,916 --> 01:24:07,781 Not a good crowd. 1234 01:24:07,960 --> 01:24:10,702 And what about the rest of the world? 1235 01:24:17,261 --> 01:24:20,503 Krieger doesnt give a shit about the rest of the world! 1236 01:24:20,764 --> 01:24:23,597 Krieger doesnt give a shit about the rest of the world! 1237 01:24:23,767 --> 01:24:25,632 That’s right! 1238 01:24:27,312 --> 01:24:28,267 Yes! 1239 01:24:28,522 --> 01:24:31,434 The first round goes to Heinz! 1240 01:24:32,734 --> 01:24:33,689 Yes! 1241 01:24:35,153 --> 01:24:36,359 But... 1242 01:24:37,072 --> 01:24:38,903 prompting isnt fair. 1243 01:24:40,409 --> 01:24:42,650 One more victory and his team has won. 1244 01:24:42,911 --> 01:24:44,196 Bravo! 1245 01:24:51,920 --> 01:24:53,626 Round two. 1246 01:24:54,339 --> 01:24:58,503 We have Lisbeth Schiabotnik, alias Diesel Liesel... 1247 01:25:02,389 --> 01:25:04,801 versus Tina from White Russian Todayl 1248 01:25:09,980 --> 01:25:11,845 On your marks... 1249 01:25:16,028 --> 01:25:17,484 get set... 1250 01:25:27,289 --> 01:25:29,951 rock, paper, blizzard! 1251 01:25:30,876 --> 01:25:32,366 Jesus Christ! 1252 01:25:33,670 --> 01:25:35,376 Chuck Norris! 1253 01:25:42,179 --> 01:25:43,544 There’s nothing to discuss. 1254 01:25:43,722 --> 01:25:48,182 Jesus is obviously more important than Chuck Norris. 1255 01:25:52,064 --> 01:25:54,225 This isnt about importance. 1256 01:25:55,108 --> 01:25:58,020 This is about head-to-head battle. 1257 01:25:58,195 --> 01:25:59,810 Yes! Yes, ma’am! 1258 01:26:00,072 --> 01:26:03,781 Jesus is far more powerful. He can change water into wine! 1259 01:26:04,034 --> 01:26:06,275 -Say what? -And raise the dead! 1260 01:26:06,953 --> 01:26:08,944 And the thing with the fish. 1261 01:26:09,206 --> 01:26:12,243 And if Chuck hit him on the left cheek, 1262 01:26:12,501 --> 01:26:14,958 what would Jesus do then? 1263 01:26:16,713 --> 01:26:18,294 Crap. 1264 01:26:25,347 --> 01:26:27,588 He would turn the other cheek. 1265 01:26:31,520 --> 01:26:33,636 The second round goes to the home team! 1266 01:26:41,905 --> 01:26:43,770 That decides it. 1267 01:26:44,366 --> 01:26:48,575 We have a clear winner and the kangaroo has to die! 1268 01:26:57,295 --> 01:26:59,456 No, no! Wait, wait, wait! 1269 01:26:59,631 --> 01:27:00,871 Stop! 1270 01:27:02,801 --> 01:27:06,544 I want my turn too. Double or nothing. 1271 01:27:06,805 --> 01:27:08,761 What’s that supposed to mean? 1272 01:27:10,016 --> 01:27:12,849 If I beat you, the kangaroo goes free. 1273 01:27:13,854 --> 01:27:15,219 And if you lose? 1274 01:27:18,191 --> 01:27:21,433 Then you can kill me too? 1275 01:27:23,947 --> 01:27:26,529 -Boy, are you insane? -No, no, no. 1276 01:27:27,200 --> 01:27:30,818 I have to advise against that. That would be murder. 1277 01:27:31,079 --> 01:27:32,319 Sorry. 1278 01:27:33,498 --> 01:27:35,113 Wait! No! 1279 01:27:35,751 --> 01:27:37,457 All right... 1280 01:27:38,587 --> 01:27:40,873 If I lose... 1281 01:27:41,840 --> 01:27:43,421 then... 1282 01:27:43,592 --> 01:27:46,959 I will kill myself. 1283 01:27:47,596 --> 01:27:50,759 And Ill do it with that... cleaver! 1284 01:27:52,851 --> 01:27:55,342 Legally, thats not a problem. 1285 01:27:55,604 --> 01:27:56,844 All righty. 1286 01:27:57,105 --> 01:27:58,561 We’re in business! 1287 01:28:01,818 --> 01:28:03,354 Round three! 1288 01:28:06,573 --> 01:28:08,859 Double or nothing. 1289 01:28:10,619 --> 01:28:13,281 -We have fat boy... -I’m not fat. 1290 01:28:16,416 --> 01:28:19,499 against the small-time performer. 1291 01:28:19,753 --> 01:28:22,165 Im not a small-time performer... 1292 01:28:22,923 --> 01:28:25,130 -Ow! Why? -On your marks... 1293 01:28:26,760 --> 01:28:27,920 get set... 1294 01:28:44,402 --> 01:28:46,017 rock... 1295 01:28:48,198 --> 01:28:50,109 paper... 1296 01:28:53,537 --> 01:28:55,448 blizzard! 1297 01:29:03,839 --> 01:29:06,455 Yes! 1298 01:29:37,956 --> 01:29:40,413 Paper? Honestly, dude? Paper? 1299 01:29:40,584 --> 01:29:42,870 You can do whatever and you do paper? 1300 01:29:44,546 --> 01:29:45,752 Compadres! 1301 01:29:46,006 --> 01:29:47,792 Come with me if you want to live. 1302 01:29:52,596 --> 01:29:54,257 Hey! Hey! 1303 01:29:54,514 --> 01:29:56,505 Theyre taking off! After them! 1304 01:29:58,518 --> 01:30:01,180 I dont get it. Did you think hed do rock? 1305 01:30:01,313 --> 01:30:04,476 -I was under pressure! -You couldve at least done a well! 1306 01:30:04,733 --> 01:30:08,396 How about saying thanks? I just risked my life for you! 1307 01:30:12,949 --> 01:30:14,610 Stop them! 1308 01:30:16,411 --> 01:30:17,696 Stop! 1309 01:30:17,954 --> 01:30:19,410 Liesel 1310 01:30:20,290 --> 01:30:22,246 -Leave me behind! -Want some? 1311 01:30:22,417 --> 01:30:24,157 -Tell Maria... 1312 01:30:24,419 --> 01:30:26,410 -Im sorry! -You’re coming. 1313 01:30:26,671 --> 01:30:27,831 Smack time! 1314 01:30:28,089 --> 01:30:31,252 -III make mincemeat of you! -Come and get some! 1315 01:30:32,260 --> 01:30:34,672 I have to warn you. I do have a black belt. 1316 01:30:36,723 --> 01:30:39,590 I heard kangaroo burgers taste fantastic. 1317 01:30:39,851 --> 01:30:41,387 A real delicacy. 1318 01:30:41,645 --> 01:30:43,306 Get them. 1319 01:30:44,439 --> 01:30:46,896 Look! There! 1320 01:30:48,944 --> 01:30:50,605 Chemtrails... 1321 01:30:51,655 --> 01:30:53,395 Chemtrails! 1322 01:30:54,991 --> 01:30:57,778 Chemtrails! Take cover! 1323 01:30:57,953 --> 01:30:59,864 Heyl Hey, are you bonkers? 1324 01:31:00,038 --> 01:31:01,744 Come back! Stay where you are! 1325 01:31:01,998 --> 01:31:04,489 Come back! Come back! 1326 01:31:25,105 --> 01:31:28,768 If you really look, you see that people are, by and large, 1327 01:31:29,818 --> 01:31:31,729 stupid. 1328 01:31:34,322 --> 01:31:37,064 I think this guy is potentially, possibly, 1329 01:31:37,242 --> 01:31:40,029 perhaps, an asshole. 1330 01:31:41,246 --> 01:31:43,453 My experience says the same. 1331 01:32:09,107 --> 01:32:11,348 All the nonsense people believe. 1332 01:32:12,777 --> 01:32:14,859 I’m finally vigilant again. 1333 01:32:32,088 --> 01:32:35,080 I just really didn’t want to have to avenge your deaths. 1334 01:32:35,967 --> 01:32:38,754 Yes, I’m getting the gaming console. 1335 01:32:40,221 --> 01:32:43,258 This is my second car. Small, but solar-powered. 1336 01:32:43,433 --> 01:32:45,924 Built it myself. It’s my hobby. 1337 01:33:03,870 --> 01:33:07,704 To be honest, I’m pretty glad you won the bet. 1338 01:33:09,042 --> 01:33:10,248 Me too. 1339 01:33:10,418 --> 01:33:14,036 Now I can put the kangaroo in front of the console when it annoys me. 1340 01:33:14,214 --> 01:33:15,750 -Unbelievable! 1341 01:33:15,924 --> 01:33:17,710 No ice cream sandwiches. 1342 01:33:17,884 --> 01:33:20,671 And this calls itself haute cuisine. 1343 01:33:21,638 --> 01:33:23,629 I shouldn’t have brought you. 1344 01:33:23,890 --> 01:33:26,006 If anyone took anybody anywhere, 1345 01:33:26,184 --> 01:33:28,345 then it was me who took you. 1346 01:33:30,522 --> 01:33:32,683 That’s all, folks. 1347 01:33:37,153 --> 01:33:39,064 Kangaroo rap two thousand... 1348 01:33:39,239 --> 01:33:41,275 -The movies not over. -Well... 1349 01:33:41,533 --> 01:33:45,071 From here its just cheesy. No one wants to see it. We can... 1350 01:33:45,328 --> 01:33:47,865 Nonsense. Everyone wants to see it. 1351 01:33:48,665 --> 01:33:50,405 All right, then... 1352 01:33:51,751 --> 01:33:53,958 Let’s grit our teeth and do this. 1353 01:33:54,129 --> 01:33:57,963 We have gathered here today in this church 1354 01:33:58,133 --> 01:34:02,342 because the two of you wish to be wed in holy matrimony. 1355 01:34:02,512 --> 01:34:06,346 And so I ask you, my friend Josef Seligmann, 1356 01:34:06,516 --> 01:34:12,102 do you wish to take Maria Schiabotnik as your lawfully wedded wife? 1357 01:34:12,272 --> 01:34:13,432 I do. 1358 01:34:13,606 --> 01:34:16,348 And I ask you, Maria Schiabotnik... 1359 01:34:16,526 --> 01:34:19,643 -I didn’t think it’d end like this. -Me either. 1360 01:34:19,821 --> 01:34:24,986 my pen pal and pilgrimage partner, as your lawfully wedded husband? 1361 01:34:25,243 --> 01:34:26,733 I do. 1362 01:34:27,328 --> 01:34:29,785 Chin up, dude. Champagne truffle? 1363 01:34:29,956 --> 01:34:32,538 many say marriage is merely cheesy... 1364 01:34:32,709 --> 01:34:36,201 Oh, well. Let’s get out of here. I’m allergic to frankincense. 1365 01:34:36,379 --> 01:34:38,210 Yeah, let’s go home. 1366 01:34:38,840 --> 01:34:41,047 You may now kiss the bride. 1367 01:35:03,364 --> 01:35:06,151 I think the movie really is over now. 1368 01:35:06,326 --> 01:35:08,112 What makes you think that? 1369 01:35:15,877 --> 01:35:19,495 -How do we get out of here? -How should I know? 1370 01:35:19,672 --> 01:35:22,630 But the big blue door is my best guess. 1371 01:35:31,226 --> 01:35:33,512 Huh? Where are we now? 1372 01:35:33,686 --> 01:35:35,222 No idea. 1373 01:35:37,565 --> 01:35:39,806 Excuse me, our movie is over. 1374 01:35:39,984 --> 01:35:43,147 How... do we get out of here? 1375 01:35:43,696 --> 01:35:45,857 An old horse does not forget his path. 1376 01:35:46,032 --> 01:35:48,569 God damn it! Why is there a dog in the picture? 1377 01:35:48,743 --> 01:35:50,859 Were trying to film herel 1378 01:35:56,834 --> 01:35:59,792 Kangaroo rap 2139 1379 01:35:59,963 --> 01:36:05,003 Potentially, possibly, perhaps 1380 01:36:05,260 --> 01:36:07,672 This movie ends wllh this rap 1381 01:36:07,845 --> 01:36:10,052 Yet there is magic in every end 1382 01:36:10,223 --> 01:36:12,259 We drink out of the eaves 1383 01:36:12,433 --> 01:36:14,014 Our truth is disguised 1384 01:36:14,185 --> 01:36:16,346 Power to the animals Small-time performers united 1385 01:36:16,938 --> 01:36:18,769 An offer has been made 1386 01:36:18,940 --> 01:36:21,022 -That you can accept.. -Or not! 1387 01:36:21,276 --> 01:36:25,645 We communicate with “pets” Who formulate things we don’t get 1388 01:36:25,822 --> 01:36:28,063 They talk about a world in demise 1389 01:36:28,324 --> 01:36:30,235 Something we don’t seem to realize 1390 01:36:30,410 --> 01:36:32,446 We say, “It’s all in your heads” 1391 01:36:32,620 --> 01:36:35,111 From thinking in bourgeois categories 1392 01:36:35,373 --> 01:36:37,864 Reality check, no time, mate 1393 01:36:38,042 --> 01:36:40,829 This is the post-factual age 1394 01:36:41,004 --> 01:36:44,997 The vengeance of the dim wits Our feelings burst on the facts 1395 01:36:45,174 --> 01:36:49,508 We show our rain forest a PDF And when II rains we sue the WWF 1396 01:36:49,679 --> 01:36:54,469 We’re not about to change We want to kick up a stink, not to think 1397 01:36:54,726 --> 01:36:57,012 You don’t want to see it Switch the numbers 1398 01:36:57,186 --> 01:36:59,848 Not owning the shit Is your shtick 1399 01:37:00,106 --> 01:37:03,314 But you have to know The signs show when it’s time to go 1400 01:37:03,568 --> 01:37:05,354 And the signs are c/ear as day 1401 01:37:05,528 --> 01:37:09,066 The planet will survive Humanity will fade away 1402 01:37:10,241 --> 01:37:12,778 The end is niqh! 1403 01:37:13,036 --> 01:37:17,496 One hundred thousand opinions Only one is clear 1404 01:37:17,749 --> 01:37:22,118 Yet if we lose this planet 1405 01:37:22,378 --> 01:37:26,838 Then there’s no Planet B And nowhere we can debate 1406 01:37:31,846 --> 01:37:34,132 Deba, deba, deba, deba 1407 01:37:34,307 --> 01:37:36,844 Deba, deba, debate 1408 01:37:37,101 --> 01:37:38,841 Deba, deba, deba, deba, 1409 01:37:39,020 --> 01:37:41,011 Deba, deba, debate 1410 01:37:42,565 --> 01:37:46,183 It’d be sad, that’s all It’d just be sad, sad 1411 01:37:47,028 --> 01:37:50,316 It’d be kind of sad, or not? 1412 01:37:52,116 --> 01:37:55,984 This place is full Of ambitionated people 1413 01:37:56,162 --> 01:37:58,153 I’m out of here 1414 01:37:58,790 --> 01:38:00,872 Gonna chill with my marsupial 1415 01:42:08,122 --> 01:42:10,579 648,363. 1416 01:42:11,292 --> 01:42:13,704 648,364. 1417 01:42:14,337 --> 01:42:16,919 -648,3... -That’s enough, Krapotke. 1418 01:42:17,506 --> 01:42:18,962 That’s enough. 1419 01:42:21,677 --> 01:42:23,417 Yes, Captain. 97178

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