Original subtitles

Grandpa, this isn't going to hurt, is it?

I told you, Herman...

I've done it a hundred times to you before and it never bothered you.

You're just nervous 'cause I ran out of anesthetic.

I guess if it's got to come off, it's got to come off.

I'll just there take a little off the top and trim the sides.

Hey, Pop!

Eddie, don't you ever do that, Son...

when Grandpa is giving me a haircut.

He might snip my bangs and spoil my Steve McQueen image.

I'm sorry, Pop.

I just want to show you this pamphlet.

The whole town is having Frontier Days this weekend.

Yes, I read about that in the newspaper.

They're having a parade, rodeo and contests.

And all the people are dressing themselves up as pioneers and cowboys.

It's all set, Pop.

I entered your name in the bucking bronco contest.

Bucking bronco contest? Sure.

I'm gonna be so proud of you, Pop.

I've been telling all the guys around the rodeo...

that you're the greatest rider in the world.

Well, shuckies.

That was right smart of you, partner.

Grandpa.

Hank, it looks like...

we've got some pretty safe entries in the bronco busting event.

They're all amateurs.

But I am a little concerned about this fella, Herman Munster.

Yeah.

He's the guy whose kid was here bragging about what a great rider his pop is.

That's right.

And we can't take any chances of anybody...

walking off with that $500 prize money we're offering.

So just to be on the safe side...

let's put this Munster character on Volcano.

Volcano? That's not a horse, it's a time bomb.

He'll wreck this guy Munster.

So what? If anything should go wrong...

we'll return his entry fee to his widow.

Herman...

you on a bucking bronco?

Why, you couldn't even ride a kiddie car.

Yes, I could.

I used to ride Eddie's all the time.

But, Uncle Herman, riding a bucking bronco...

is one of the most dangerous sports in the whole world.

You might get killed.

Herman, it'd be just like you to pull a dirty trick like that on me, you bum.

You don't even have enough life insurance to keep me in cigars.

Golly, when Eddie first mentioned the idea of bronco busting to me...

it sounded kind of like a fun thing.

But, dear, the last time you were on a merry-go-round horse...

you had to wear a safety belt.

I don't want you to go through with this. You'll just go out and get yourself killed.

You're only 152 years old.

And I won't have you cut down in the prime of life.

Gee, dear, I promised Eddie. He's counting on me.

What can I say to him? It's simple.

You just go up to your son...

and tell him that his daddy is a no-good, rotten coward.

I can't do that.

Boys don't have many heroes left that they can look up to these days.

If I let him down, all he has left is Smokey the Bear.

Herman, why don't you use child psychology?

All you have to do is talk to Eddie in such a way...

that he'll be the one who suggests that you drop out of the rodeo.

That's a good idea. That's just what I'll do.

But instead of being blunt and direct, I'll be subtle...

and talk to Eddie on his own mental level.

Yeah. And if you can't quite get up to it, do the best you can.

And once upon a time, in this big, big castle...

there lived this very brave knight...

named Sir Herman the Great.

Gee, Pop, he had the same name as you.

Well, well, what do you know about that?

Anyway, in a nearby cave...

there lived this very mean, mean dragon.

What did he do that was so bad?

Well, he went around abducting young maidens...

and pillaging the countryside and terrorizing villages...

and doing other naughty things.

And everyone said that Sir Herman the Great was the only one...

that was brave enough and strong enough to vanquish the dragon.

There's a white knight on television like that.

Except, all he ever does is chase dirt out of blue jeans.

Anyway, as Sir Herman the Great was starting out on his way...

to vanquish the dragon, his wife and his father-in-law...

and his niece came running out and cried:

"O brave Sir Herman, prithee do not go forth this day...

for the dragon might slay thee."

Boy, they sure talked corny in those days.

Well, anyway...

although Sir Herman was on his way to slay the cruel dragon...

he thought it over and realized...

that he could be eaten up by the dragon.

And if the dragon ate him up...

then there would be no one left...

to take care of his little home and his little family.

Now, what do you think about that?

I think the knight was a rotten, chicken, yellow coward.

Oh.

You do, huh? Yeah.

I think you ought to sue the guy who made up that story...

for calling the knight by your name.

For you'd never chicken out like that. Would you, Pop?

Gadzooks, no.

I bet tomorrow you'll be the bravest guy in the whole rodeo.

Yeah, sure.

Well, good night, Son.

Goodnight, Pop.

If I had my way, I'd just as soon chase dirt out of blue jeans.

Hey, get a load of Volcano.

He's sure calmed down since yesterday.

You still think...

we ought to put this Munster guy in that horse?

Sure, why not?

But tell the ambulance attendants...

that the minute he hits the ground, to throw a sheet over him quick.

We don't want his broken bones to dampen the festivities.

♪♪

Spot.

Spot, get out in the yard.

I don't want you in the kitchen, always underfoot.

Now scat.

Sorry, Spot.

Aunt Lily...

is Uncle Herman going to ride that bronco in the rodeo today?

Yes, Marilyn.

I did everything I could to talk him out of it.

But he said a knight should be proud...

to ride forth and slay dragons for his son.

I guess he's been reading Prince Valiant again.

Where's Uncle Herman now? Down in the dungeon.

He is so nervous and so tense.

He asked Grandpa to do something to relax his nerves.

That is a good idea.

I just hope he doesn't overdo it.

The last time Grandpa relaxed him...

his nerves were so loose...

that we had to call in a piano tuner to tighten them up.

Grandpa, have you found anything yet to make me brave?

When I think of riding a bucking bronco, I'm petrified.

What are you knocking? Some of my best friends are petrified.

No, I mean scared.

Haven't you got any brave pills I can take?

Well...

I made these in the Middle Ages for Richard the Lion-Hearted.

Did they work? Did they work?

I'll have you know that before he took these, he was known as Chicken Dickie.

Shall I take some of these? No.

It says they're good only if you're going on a crusade...

and I don't think you wanna take that much time off from work.

Grandpa, you gotta give me something to make me a hero.

I got to ride that horse in an hour. Herman, let's face it.

A nice, handsome, pleasant man you are...

but with all the pills in the world, a hero you ain't.

What am I going to do?

It just came to me. Herman...

now, supposing the horse you rode today was gentle and kind...

and you and he had sort of...

an under-the-table deal.

That's fine, but I'm not very proficient at talking to horses.

You're very proficient at talking to me, aren't you?

Yeah. Supposing I turn myself into a horse.

You mean you would be the bucking bronco I'd ride at the rodeo?

Grandpa, that's a wizard idea.

"Astronauts...

"avocados...

"aborigines...

animals."

No.

What's the matter?

This animal bottle is so old, the label has fallen off.

Well, I'll just have to take my chances...

and hope I come up with a horse.

Mom, where's Pop?

It's time to leave for the rodeo and we don't wanna be late.

He's still down in the dungeon with Grandpa.

I hope they're not making up another batch of Dad's old-fashioned plasma.

Now, Eddie, don't get impatient. I'm sure...

Aunt Lily, I could have sworn I heard a goat.

So did I.

We're getting so nervous that we're starting to hear things.

Grandpa.

Grandpa.

You must've taken the wrong pill. You're not a horse, you're a goat.

I can tell because horses don't have horns.

Don't just sit there, Herman. Give me another pill.

Yeah.

Here, try this one.

Well, Grandpa, that's no good. I can't ride a skunk in a rodeo.

Shut up and try another pill before I let you have it.

Listen.

Now I can swear I hear a pig grunting.

A pig?

You don't suppose they're having a barbecue at a time like this, do you?

Grandpa. Herman.

You'll be late for the rodeo.

We'll be right with you, Lily.

Grandpa, now look what you've done.

You've gone and made a pig of yourself.

Another pill.

Grandpa, you're beautiful.

I ask you...

is this a horse, or is this a horse?

Grandpa.

Howdy, folks? I'm all ready for the rodeo.

Gee, Pop, you look neat.

Just like the cowboys in that cigarette commercial.

Thank you, Son.

Herman, please call this off.

If you get up on a bucking bronco...

you'll just make a fool of yourself and probably get killed.

You don't know anything about being a cowboy.

Shucks. What you talking about, ma'am?

I'm a rooting, tooting...

fancy booting, two-gun shooting...

pistol-packing poppa from Possum Prairie.

Dear, will you help me?

Marilyn.

Eddie, can you help your father pry himself loose from his drawers?

Thank you.

I guess John Wayne and those other fellows must...

grease their thumbs before they try that.

I guess if we're going, we better get started.

Where's Grandpa?

Grandpa just had a few things he wanted to take care of...

and he'll meet us at the rodeo.

You think you'll have any trouble with that wild mustang, Pop?

I don't think so, Son.

I'm gonna handle that critter like he was a member of my own family.

It certainly was nice of Uncle Herman to get us this private box.

Well, we Munsters always feel more at home in a box.

Boy, look at that guy.

Boy, that bull really flipped him.

You poor man.

They really put on a good show here, don't they?

Yes, I've never seen that trick before.

Gee, I wonder where Pop is. The bronco busting comes up next.

Well, I hope it's the bronco that gets busted and not your father.

Everybody's checked in for the bronco busting but that Munster character.

Maybe he heard he was riding Volcano and pulled up stakes.

I wouldn't blame him.

Hi, there. I'm Herman Munster...

Bronco Buster.

Hiya, Munster.

Will you look at that guy?

He's tall in the saddle and he ain't even on a horse.

Get a load of that face.

He must've gone through a buffalo stampede.

I didn't think there were that many buffalo left in America.

Excuse me, but I was wondering if you could tell me...

what chute I'm supposed to come out of?

Come out of Chute 4. Number 4.

Thank you very much.

I'll be ready and waiting.

We better not put Volcano in that chute until the last minute.

If Munster gets a look at that local mustang,

he'll know we pulled a ringer on him.

Grandpa?

Hey, Grandpa, where are you?

Grandpa, it's me.

Sorry, I thought you were my grandfather.

Over here, Herman.

There you are.

Oh, my.

What a beautiful saddle you're wearing.

Never mind, Herman. What's the scoop?

I'll be coming out of Chute Number 4. Now, make sure and be there.

Got you.

Get away from me, girlie.

I'm old enough to be your father.

Yes, siree. Look at that boy go. Here we go now!

Stay right in there, boy.

And now for the bucking bronco contest.

The first rider to go 10 seconds...

gets a $500 prize.

Mom, this is Pop's event.

Out of Chute Number 3, it's Tex Rogers on Midnight.

Here he comes, folks. And there he goes.

Oh, dear.

Eddie, you never should have gotten your father into this.

This is worse than the time you talked him into riding that surfboard...

and he knocked the end off that new steel pier.

The time was five and three-tenth seconds.

Now out of Chute 5, it's Hugh Hobson on Nasty Nellie.

Ride it, cowboy, ride it.

Where do you suppose Grandpa is?

I don't know. He's never around when you need him.

I suppose he's horsing around someplace.

Hey, you stupid nag, get out of here.

That's for Volcano. Get out.

Better get ready, Munster.

The way they're throwing them off, you'll be up pretty soon now.

Yes, siree. I hope they give me a horse with some spirit.

I'd hate to have to ride some tired old grandfather.

Hey, you.

Where do you think you're going? Into Stall Number 4.

My son-in-law's gonna ride me in the next event.

Come on, beat it, Pops.

Keep your hands off, buster. I'll get you for cruelty to animals.

Hey, Charlie.

Got an old stew-bum here that thinks he's a horse.

Come on. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

It wore off. I'm not a horse anymore.

Of course you're not a horse.

You're Snow White and we're the Seven Dwarfs.

Get out of here and don't come back.

The time was five and three-tenth seconds.

So far we have no winner.

Our final contestant, coming out of Chute 4...

is Herman Munster on Volcano.

Oh, boy, that's Pop.

I can't bear to look.

Volcano, nice Volcano.

Volcano, that was a neat name you picked for yourself, Grandpa.

It makes you sound as though you're gonna be rough.

Grandpa.

Grandpa, it's me, Herman.

I get it.

No conversation. You wanna make it look good.

Grandpa.

Grandpa.

Grandpa, will you watch it? You almost threw me off.

It's all right to ham it up but...

Attaboy, Pop.

Stay with him, Uncle Herman.

Hang on! Hang on!

Grandpa, will you watch it?

Grandpa.

I can't bear to look.

Grandpa, you big showoff. Will you listen to me?

Ride him, Pop!

All right, Grandpa, if you wanna play that way...

two can play that way as well as one.

Uncle Herman is certainly showing the spectators what he's made of.

Yes, and I hope we can replace the parts.

The winner of the bucking bronco contest is Herman Munster!

Herman, I'm so proud of you.

I'm just bat bumps all over.

Boy, Pop, you're the neatest guy in the whole world.

Shucks, Eddie.

'Twern't nothing any other dad wouldn't have done.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, it becomes my great honor to present...

this beautiful trophy and the $500...

to the winner of the bronco busting contest, Mr. Herman Munster.

You know, your time was a new world's record, Mr. Munster.

Before accepting this trophy, is there anything you'd like to say?

Yes, I would. Thank you.

First of all, it was quite a ride.

And I think that under the circumstances...

some credit should go to the horse.

Now, isn't that the gesture of a truly great sportsman...

giving credit to the horse.

Take a bow, Grandpa.

Herman, we're all so proud of you.

Come on, Grandpa, take a bow. What are you waiting for?

Grandpa, where were you when Uncle Herman was riding?

Yes, Grandpa. Where were you when I was...

What's going on, Grandpa? Why did Herman faint?

Lily, I never thought I'd say anything nice about my son-in-law...

but that big coward is the greatest hero I ever saw.

Photographer, come and take his picture anyway.

He looks more natural that way.