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1
00:00:14,278 --> 00:00:15,278
Hey.
Hey.
2
00:00:16,380 --> 00:00:18,081
Why are you
all dressed up?
3
00:00:18,082 --> 00:00:21,034
Well, you told me Carrie got us
into her company skybox.
4
00:00:21,035 --> 00:00:22,302
Yeah, but it's still
a Mets game.
5
00:00:22,303 --> 00:00:24,288
Why are you going
all Cliff Huxtable on me?
6
00:00:24,289 --> 00:00:26,456
I've never been in the really
fancy seats before,
7
00:00:26,457 --> 00:00:27,624
and I'm a little excited.
8
00:00:27,625 --> 00:00:29,025
If I can make
your dream come true
9
00:00:29,026 --> 00:00:30,927
and make us even
for breaking your drill,
10
00:00:30,928 --> 00:00:32,412
then that's all that matters.
11
00:00:32,413 --> 00:00:33,880
You told me you were
gonna pay for that.
12
00:00:33,881 --> 00:00:35,648
And I am, with the magic
of Shea Stadium.
13
00:00:35,649 --> 00:00:36,717
Oh, man.
14
00:00:36,718 --> 00:00:37,784
Well, I guess it's better
15
00:00:37,785 --> 00:00:39,086
than when you lost my cell phone
16
00:00:39,087 --> 00:00:40,954
and paid me back
with the magic of a song
17
00:00:40,955 --> 00:00:43,090
written personally for me.
Okay,
18
00:00:43,091 --> 00:00:45,742
you didn't like
"Get Your Freak On, Deac-on"?
19
00:00:47,695 --> 00:00:49,062
All right.
20
00:00:49,063 --> 00:00:51,181
We should get going.
Where's Spence?
21
00:00:51,182 --> 00:00:53,049
Oh, he's, uh,
gonna meet us there.
22
00:00:53,050 --> 00:00:55,085
He's getting his mom
into a tub or out of a tub.
23
00:00:55,086 --> 00:00:57,404
I don't know.
I shut down pretty quick.
24
00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:58,772
Thanks for the tickets, Carrie.
25
00:00:58,773 --> 00:01:01,241
Yeah, listen, I'm schmoozing
a very big client tonight,
26
00:01:01,242 --> 00:01:03,343
so if you wanna show
your appreciation,
27
00:01:03,344 --> 00:01:05,245
you keep this one
from embarrassing me.
28
00:01:05,246 --> 00:01:06,513
Whoa.
29
00:01:06,514 --> 00:01:08,482
I didn't shave the Mets logo
into my chest hair
30
00:01:08,483 --> 00:01:09,816
just for you to enjoy.
31
00:01:09,817 --> 00:01:10,917
It's for everyone.
32
00:01:10,918 --> 00:01:13,170
All right.
Come on.
33
00:01:50,307 --> 00:01:52,090
Here you go.
34
00:01:52,091 --> 00:01:54,092
One martini,
extra dry.
35
00:01:54,093 --> 00:01:55,811
Thank you, Carrie.
Oh, no problem,
36
00:01:55,812 --> 00:01:58,113
and if you're hungry, they have
a great spread over there.
37
00:01:58,114 --> 00:02:00,449
They have, uh, mini-quiche,
stuffed mushrooms,
38
00:02:00,450 --> 00:02:02,851
and if you like living
on the edge, ballpark sushi.
39
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,271
Carrie, I truly like getting
my ass kissed,
40
00:02:06,272 --> 00:02:09,325
but it's a nine-inning game,
so pace yourself.
41
00:02:09,326 --> 00:02:11,059
Yeah.
42
00:02:11,060 --> 00:02:12,494
Just following orders.
43
00:02:12,495 --> 00:02:14,129
Ha, ha.
Seriously, though,
44
00:02:14,130 --> 00:02:16,581
all sucking up aside,
I really admire
45
00:02:16,582 --> 00:02:18,150
what you've done
with your company.
46
00:02:18,151 --> 00:02:20,318
You've built some
of the most beautiful hotels
47
00:02:20,319 --> 00:02:22,421
that I can never afford
to stay in.
48
00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:26,208
Real-estate development is still
a boys' club,
49
00:02:26,209 --> 00:02:28,177
but I'm always looking
for a talented woman
50
00:02:28,178 --> 00:02:29,812
to take under my wing.
51
00:02:29,813 --> 00:02:31,413
Really? That's funny,
52
00:02:31,414 --> 00:02:34,566
because I'm actually
between wings right now.
53
00:02:35,585 --> 00:02:37,236
Oh, excuse me.
Yeah.
54
00:02:37,237 --> 00:02:38,536
Joyce Robbins.
55
00:02:38,537 --> 00:02:40,406
Oh, I-I have to take this.
Okay,
56
00:02:40,407 --> 00:02:42,391
I just want to find my husband.
I want you to meet him.
57
00:02:42,392 --> 00:02:44,293
Where is he?
What?!
58
00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:47,429
No, those tenants were supposed
to be out by Monday.
59
00:02:47,430 --> 00:02:48,496
What?!
60
00:02:48,497 --> 00:02:50,232
Oh, you're breaking up.
61
00:02:54,187 --> 00:02:55,788
You put mayo on a hot dog?
62
00:02:55,789 --> 00:02:57,122
That's right, my friend.
63
00:02:57,123 --> 00:02:59,758
And one day,
so will all of America.
64
00:03:06,182 --> 00:03:07,850
Excuse me.
65
00:03:07,851 --> 00:03:09,084
Come on, man,
let's move.
66
00:03:09,085 --> 00:03:11,186
Yeah, I can't.
There's a lot of people.
67
00:03:11,187 --> 00:03:14,172
Oh, God. You know what?
This ain't working.
68
00:03:14,173 --> 00:03:17,359
I'm just gonna crouch and eat.
Whoa, whoa. Come on, man.
69
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,261
You're better than this.
70
00:03:19,262 --> 00:03:21,196
Come on.
It's not that far.
71
00:03:23,700 --> 00:03:25,951
It's called turning off
the water.
72
00:03:25,952 --> 00:03:27,185
Excuse me.
73
00:03:27,186 --> 00:03:29,087
Read me exactly
what the court order says.
74
00:03:29,088 --> 00:03:30,488
Excuse me,
I just can't, uh...
75
00:03:30,489 --> 00:03:32,074
No, I can't hear you.
76
00:03:32,075 --> 00:03:33,826
What? Wait-
77
00:03:33,827 --> 00:03:35,577
Ugh!
78
00:03:35,578 --> 00:03:37,262
Oh!
79
00:03:37,263 --> 00:03:38,597
Do you see what you did?
80
00:03:38,598 --> 00:03:40,599
I'm very sorry. I just-
I couldn't get by you.
81
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:44,753
Well, a person with manners
would have waited.
82
00:03:44,754 --> 00:03:45,554
That's a good point.
83
00:03:45,555 --> 00:03:47,189
You know
what another good point is?
84
00:03:53,446 --> 00:03:55,246
Oh, where you going?
Where am I going?
85
00:03:55,247 --> 00:03:58,650
I gotta rebuild.
Aw, unbelievable.
86
00:03:58,651 --> 00:04:02,521
Oh, this big oaf got mayonnaise
and relish all over me.
87
00:04:02,522 --> 00:04:06,725
I mean, who puts mayonnaise
on a hot dog?
88
00:04:07,726 --> 00:04:08,926
Oh.
89
00:04:11,164 --> 00:04:14,266
This is an $800
Giuseppe Graziano,
90
00:04:14,267 --> 00:04:16,000
and now it's ruined.
91
00:04:16,001 --> 00:04:18,620
I could just kill
that fat idiot.
92
00:04:18,621 --> 00:04:19,955
Hey,
93
00:04:19,956 --> 00:04:21,573
there's the girl.
94
00:04:21,574 --> 00:04:23,275
Oh. Is this your husband?
95
00:04:23,276 --> 00:04:27,062
Uh... yes! Yes, it is!
Oh.
96
00:04:27,063 --> 00:04:29,097
Hey, honey. Heh.
97
00:04:29,098 --> 00:04:30,566
Work with me, okay?
98
00:04:30,567 --> 00:04:33,401
Um, Doug,
this is Joyce Robbins.
99
00:04:33,402 --> 00:04:34,803
Hello.
100
00:04:34,804 --> 00:04:36,872
Very nice to meet you.
Why don't you get acquainted?
101
00:04:36,873 --> 00:04:38,623
I'm gonna report
that guy to Security.
102
00:04:38,624 --> 00:04:40,776
I'm gonna suggest
they TASER him.
103
00:04:40,777 --> 00:04:41,977
Great.
104
00:04:45,565 --> 00:04:47,866
Is that a Giuseppe Graziano?
105
00:04:50,903 --> 00:04:52,437
Turn it around.
What?
106
00:04:52,438 --> 00:04:54,490
Yeah, that's right.
That was my client!
107
00:04:54,491 --> 00:04:55,523
Who?
The woman you got
108
00:04:55,524 --> 00:04:57,960
your disgusting hot dog
all over.
109
00:04:57,961 --> 00:05:00,245
How 'bout she got herself
all over my hot dog, huh?
110
00:05:00,246 --> 00:05:02,164
That's right!
I said it!
111
00:05:02,165 --> 00:05:04,466
Doug, you are not going
in that box.
112
00:05:04,467 --> 00:05:06,068
So go watch the game
somewhere else.
113
00:05:06,069 --> 00:05:07,469
Both of you, out!
114
00:05:07,470 --> 00:05:08,503
What did I do?
115
00:05:08,504 --> 00:05:10,505
This happened on your watch.
116
00:05:10,506 --> 00:05:11,873
Now, out!
117
00:05:11,874 --> 00:05:14,426
Damn!
118
00:05:16,930 --> 00:05:19,064
Okay, the roast is
in the oven.
119
00:05:19,065 --> 00:05:20,999
The sangria is chilling.
120
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,167
I just think
it is so cute
121
00:05:22,168 --> 00:05:23,819
you're throwing
this dinner party.
122
00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:26,071
Then why are you trying
to ruin it?!
123
00:05:26,072 --> 00:05:27,773
What? What did I do?
124
00:05:27,774 --> 00:05:29,941
These seating arrangements.
What were you thinking?
125
00:05:29,942 --> 00:05:31,893
What's wrong with them?
Well, for one thing,
126
00:05:31,894 --> 00:05:34,079
you've got Lou Ferrigno
sitting next to his wife.
127
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,832
You never sit spouses
next to each other!
128
00:05:36,833 --> 00:05:39,501
Well, I told you,
I've never done this before.
129
00:05:39,502 --> 00:05:41,620
That's all right!
Don't cry again.
130
00:05:41,621 --> 00:05:44,505
See, I'll put Mrs. Ferrigno
next to...
131
00:05:44,506 --> 00:05:47,943
Roberto, the bag boy
from Waldbaum's.
132
00:05:47,944 --> 00:05:50,478
The sexual tension
will be like rocket fuel
133
00:05:50,479 --> 00:05:52,881
for the party.
134
00:05:52,882 --> 00:05:56,134
I thought that was
what the brownies were for.
135
00:05:56,135 --> 00:05:58,253
Actually, no,
I decided against those.
136
00:05:58,254 --> 00:06:01,757
Ferrigno tends
to get pretty paranoid.
137
00:06:01,758 --> 00:06:03,875
You put a lot of thought
into your dinner parties.
138
00:06:03,876 --> 00:06:07,379
I have to. I'm host.
I'm chef. I'm jester.
139
00:06:07,380 --> 00:06:09,615
Everything depends on me.
140
00:06:09,616 --> 00:06:11,616
Well, I'm sure it's gonna
work out just fine.
141
00:06:11,617 --> 00:06:12,934
Oh! I should take
this one away.
142
00:06:12,935 --> 00:06:15,070
Dr. Feldman called
and said he can't make it.
143
00:06:15,071 --> 00:06:16,204
What?
144
00:06:16,205 --> 00:06:17,722
He said he wouldn't
feel comfortable
145
00:06:17,723 --> 00:06:21,743
coming to the party,
seeing as how you're suing him.
146
00:06:21,744 --> 00:06:24,079
That's a separate issue.
147
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:25,663
Oh, my God.
What are we gonna do?
148
00:06:25,664 --> 00:06:28,933
An odd number of guests
is dinner-party suicide.
149
00:06:28,934 --> 00:06:30,635
Well, don't you know
anyone else?
150
00:06:30,636 --> 00:06:32,304
No. Do you?
151
00:06:32,305 --> 00:06:33,872
Yeah, I-
I know some people.
152
00:06:33,873 --> 00:06:35,641
Then get someone.
153
00:06:35,642 --> 00:06:37,609
Preferably a urologist.
154
00:06:47,887 --> 00:06:49,371
Hey, how 'bout
those two down there?
155
00:06:49,372 --> 00:06:50,689
Those look pretty sweet.
156
00:06:50,690 --> 00:06:52,657
Yeah, they are pretty sweet,
but...
157
00:06:52,658 --> 00:06:55,327
I'm not sure we can
get past the bacon.
158
00:06:55,328 --> 00:06:56,511
Just go.
159
00:07:00,316 --> 00:07:02,283
What's up, man?
What's up, baby?
160
00:07:02,284 --> 00:07:04,086
You doing all right?
Ha, ha, ha!
161
00:07:04,087 --> 00:07:07,723
Alrighty.
Ah! Good old 11 and 12.
162
00:07:07,724 --> 00:07:09,457
Ah.
Ah, feels good.
163
00:07:09,458 --> 00:07:10,759
Oh, yeah.
164
00:07:12,178 --> 00:07:14,662
Hey, uh, I think
you're in our seats.
165
00:07:14,663 --> 00:07:15,964
Huh?
Yeah.
166
00:07:15,965 --> 00:07:18,599
Oh, um... my God.
167
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,102
Is this field box J?
168
00:07:21,103 --> 00:07:22,503
Oh, my God.
Is this third base?
169
00:07:22,504 --> 00:07:24,705
I am all turned around.
This is third base.
170
00:07:24,706 --> 00:07:26,858
Ah, man. My bad.
171
00:07:26,859 --> 00:07:28,009
Sorry about that.
172
00:07:28,010 --> 00:07:29,311
It's crazy.
173
00:07:29,312 --> 00:07:31,546
I'm losing it!
Losing it! Hey!
174
00:07:31,547 --> 00:07:33,682
Ah. All right. Let's just go
to the upper deck.
175
00:07:33,683 --> 00:07:35,016
Upper deck!? Fine.
176
00:07:35,017 --> 00:07:37,619
Now you're back to owing me
for breaking my power drill.
177
00:07:37,620 --> 00:07:39,087
Come on, man.
178
00:07:39,088 --> 00:07:40,789
We'll find some seats
down here, okay?
179
00:07:40,790 --> 00:07:41,790
What were you doing
180
00:07:41,791 --> 00:07:44,259
trying to drill
through concrete anyway?
181
00:07:44,260 --> 00:07:46,495
Okay, I had a power drill
and a few Heinekens.
182
00:07:46,496 --> 00:07:48,062
You do the math.
183
00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:51,833
Look, down here.
Come on.
184
00:07:54,036 --> 00:07:56,070
All right.
Okay. Here we go.
185
00:07:58,274 --> 00:07:59,541
Oh, yeah.
186
00:07:59,542 --> 00:08:01,209
Oh, these are really sweet.
Yeah.
187
00:08:01,210 --> 00:08:02,243
Whoo!
188
00:08:02,244 --> 00:08:03,745
Hey, hey, Beltran's up.
189
00:08:03,746 --> 00:08:05,764
Hey, come on, Carlos! Hey!
190
00:08:05,765 --> 00:08:06,965
Come on, C-dog!
191
00:08:06,966 --> 00:08:08,700
C- dog, a little big one, baby!
192
00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:10,035
Whoo!
Yeah.
193
00:08:20,346 --> 00:08:22,214
Someone's throwing
baby carrots at me.
194
00:08:26,452 --> 00:08:29,471
That's funny,
but we're done now.
195
00:08:36,345 --> 00:08:38,013
Okay, that's it.
Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am!
196
00:08:38,014 --> 00:08:39,080
Hold on a sec.
What is it?
197
00:08:39,081 --> 00:08:40,115
I'll tell you what it is.
198
00:08:40,116 --> 00:08:41,983
Your son is throwing carrots
at me, okay?
199
00:08:41,984 --> 00:08:43,385
Brandon! Enough!
Control him.
200
00:08:43,386 --> 00:08:45,387
Take a time-out
or something.
201
00:08:45,388 --> 00:08:46,888
I'm sorry, Tina.
202
00:08:46,889 --> 00:08:49,757
Oh, Brandon is throwing carrots
at some man...
203
00:08:49,758 --> 00:08:52,360
who, by the way,
could stand to eat a few.
204
00:08:57,033 --> 00:09:00,368
So last Valentine's Day,
I come home,
205
00:09:00,369 --> 00:09:03,271
Carrie's got the entire place
covered in rose petals.
206
00:09:03,272 --> 00:09:04,372
You remember that?
207
00:09:04,373 --> 00:09:06,274
Ah, I think I would.
208
00:09:06,275 --> 00:09:07,409
I did do it.
209
00:09:07,410 --> 00:09:09,544
Mmm. And you know
what the best part was?
210
00:09:09,545 --> 00:09:10,812
They were silk petals
211
00:09:10,813 --> 00:09:13,165
because she knows
that I'm allergic to pollen.
212
00:09:13,166 --> 00:09:14,466
Oh, yeah,
he is.
213
00:09:14,467 --> 00:09:16,468
If you can imagine,
that head gets even bigger.
214
00:09:17,970 --> 00:09:19,704
Stop! Ha, ha, ha!
215
00:09:21,924 --> 00:09:24,309
I have to say,
for people married 10 years,
216
00:09:24,310 --> 00:09:26,845
you seem like newlyweds.
Oh,
217
00:09:26,846 --> 00:09:28,412
this one keeps
the marriage fresh.
218
00:09:28,413 --> 00:09:31,016
You should see what she does
for my Dark Shadows conventions.
219
00:09:31,017 --> 00:09:34,436
Does this whole
hot-vampire-chick thing
220
00:09:34,437 --> 00:09:36,738
with like a sequined
black bustier and...
221
00:09:36,739 --> 00:09:39,324
motorcycle boots...
222
00:09:40,226 --> 00:09:42,093
crimson lipstick.
223
00:09:42,094 --> 00:09:43,195
Whew!
224
00:09:43,196 --> 00:09:44,529
Excuse me.
225
00:09:44,530 --> 00:09:46,081
Joyce Robbins.
226
00:09:46,082 --> 00:09:49,033
One second.
One second. Heh.
227
00:09:49,034 --> 00:09:50,919
All right. What's with
all this vampire talk?
228
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:52,838
And why do you have me
in a bustier?
229
00:09:52,839 --> 00:09:54,939
I'm sorry. I went
to a very private place.
230
00:09:54,940 --> 00:09:56,041
Listen,
231
00:09:56,042 --> 00:09:58,226
we only have to get
through one ball game
232
00:09:58,227 --> 00:09:59,577
as husband and wife, okay?
233
00:09:59,578 --> 00:10:01,279
So just stop talking so much,
you freak.
234
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:02,297
This-
235
00:10:02,298 --> 00:10:04,299
This whole thing is crazy.
236
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:06,768
Yeah, well, you can blame
your friend Doug for that, okay,
237
00:10:06,769 --> 00:10:08,970
and his disgusting love
of mayonnaise.
238
00:10:08,971 --> 00:10:10,305
She's coming back.
239
00:10:10,306 --> 00:10:13,642
Okay. Would you mind
getting me another martini?
240
00:10:13,643 --> 00:10:14,792
I did get a limo
for the night,
241
00:10:14,793 --> 00:10:16,628
so I might as well
take advantage of it.
242
00:10:16,629 --> 00:10:17,712
Sure. No problem.
243
00:10:17,713 --> 00:10:20,148
Mmm. And, uh, sugar?
Yeah, hon?
244
00:10:20,149 --> 00:10:22,884
Could you get me
another Sauvignon Blanc,
245
00:10:22,885 --> 00:10:24,703
maybe something
from New Zealand?
246
00:10:24,704 --> 00:10:26,488
Oh, think you should have
another drink?
247
00:10:26,489 --> 00:10:28,707
Oh, it got me
through the first 10 years.
248
00:10:31,494 --> 00:10:33,027
I must say
you're the last person
249
00:10:33,028 --> 00:10:35,497
I would ever have imagined
was a truck driver.
250
00:10:35,498 --> 00:10:37,264
Needless to say,
I get that a lot.
251
00:10:37,265 --> 00:10:38,983
Mmm. I mean,
you know about wine.
252
00:10:38,984 --> 00:10:41,419
You're
a Revolutionary War buff.
253
00:10:41,420 --> 00:10:44,572
I've always been drawn
to a man of varied interests.
254
00:10:55,917 --> 00:10:58,134
Hey, Car...
Hey, uh, listen, Spence,
255
00:10:58,135 --> 00:10:59,753
I'm sorry
I snapped at you.
256
00:10:59,754 --> 00:11:01,237
I really appreciate
you doing this,
257
00:11:01,238 --> 00:11:03,072
and, uh, I think
she's really liking you.
258
00:11:03,073 --> 00:11:04,424
Yeah,
I think so.
259
00:11:04,425 --> 00:11:07,728
She just invited me down
to her limo to have a drink.
260
00:11:07,729 --> 00:11:09,629
What? She hit on you?
261
00:11:09,630 --> 00:11:11,565
What is she doing hitting
on my husband?
262
00:11:11,566 --> 00:11:13,216
She said I looked tense
263
00:11:13,217 --> 00:11:16,737
and it seemed like I was trapped
in a loveless marriage.
264
00:11:16,738 --> 00:11:19,489
What!? We're like
freakin' newlyweds!
265
00:11:19,490 --> 00:11:21,290
We're not actually married-
266
00:11:21,291 --> 00:11:23,326
Shut up.
Yes, dear.
267
00:11:23,327 --> 00:11:24,844
Uh, excuse me,
Miss Robbins-
268
00:11:24,845 --> 00:11:27,614
Oh, Carrie, I want to talk
to you about something.
269
00:11:27,615 --> 00:11:28,632
Yeah, I want to talk to you
270
00:11:28,633 --> 00:11:31,368
about a little
something-something too.
271
00:11:31,369 --> 00:11:32,869
I have a rather big favor
to ask.
272
00:11:32,870 --> 00:11:35,122
It involves sending you
out of town.
273
00:11:35,123 --> 00:11:36,706
Oh, you wanna send me
outta town, do ya?
274
00:11:36,707 --> 00:11:37,958
Uh-huh.
275
00:11:37,959 --> 00:11:39,376
And it would be right away.
276
00:11:39,377 --> 00:11:41,295
And where do you wanna
send me right away?
277
00:11:41,296 --> 00:11:42,963
The Bahamas.
278
00:11:42,964 --> 00:11:43,764
Really?
279
00:11:43,765 --> 00:11:45,632
Mmm.
280
00:11:45,633 --> 00:11:48,351
Yes. We're opening
a 5-star resort down there,
281
00:11:48,352 --> 00:11:50,420
and I'd love you
to be my eyes and ears,
282
00:11:50,421 --> 00:11:53,307
you know, check out the spa,
the restaurants, the shops.
283
00:11:53,308 --> 00:11:55,475
All expenses paid,
of course.
284
00:11:55,476 --> 00:11:57,527
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
285
00:11:57,528 --> 00:12:00,296
Oh, Carrie, it- It would
really help me out a lot.
286
00:12:00,297 --> 00:12:02,799
I mean, assuming
your husband could...
287
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,300
spare you.
288
00:12:05,870 --> 00:12:07,704
What husband?
You know what I'm saying?
289
00:12:13,878 --> 00:12:18,715
And that's why the Dutch
both delight and repulse me.
290
00:12:18,716 --> 00:12:22,336
May I make a toast
to our host Arthur.
291
00:12:22,337 --> 00:12:25,571
Thank you, Louis.
I have a toast of my own.
292
00:12:25,572 --> 00:12:26,806
But I'll save it
293
00:12:26,807 --> 00:12:30,043
for when we gentlemen
have our cigars and brandy
294
00:12:30,044 --> 00:12:32,045
out on the driveway, uh?
295
00:12:33,380 --> 00:12:35,865
And, Arthur, I just wanna
thank you for having me
296
00:12:35,866 --> 00:12:37,366
and my Uncle Bernard
here tonight.
297
00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:38,534
Ah, yes, Bernard.
298
00:12:38,535 --> 00:12:41,137
Thank you for coming
on such short notice.
299
00:12:41,138 --> 00:12:42,939
Holly tells me you're-?
You're retired?
300
00:12:42,940 --> 00:12:48,111
Yes, yes. I...
I cut hair for 45 years.
301
00:12:48,112 --> 00:12:51,447
Well, we're all going to have
to hear more about that.
302
00:12:54,952 --> 00:12:56,703
When are we gonna eat?
I gotta take my pills.
303
00:12:56,704 --> 00:12:59,456
In good time, George!
304
00:12:59,457 --> 00:13:01,091
Oh, Arthur made
a lovely roast.
305
00:13:01,092 --> 00:13:02,559
And thank you, Roberto,
for giving me
306
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:05,261
the five-fingered discount
on the potatoes.
307
00:13:06,881 --> 00:13:08,815
I never knew
you could cook, Arthur.
308
00:13:08,816 --> 00:13:10,133
Oh, yes.
309
00:13:10,134 --> 00:13:12,068
I remember the first thing
I ever made.
310
00:13:12,069 --> 00:13:16,039
It was a fried
bologna sandwich.
311
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:18,308
That was Elvis' favorite snack.
312
00:13:18,309 --> 00:13:19,609
Ah.
Oh.
313
00:13:19,610 --> 00:13:21,177
I'm not saying he stole
the idea from me,
314
00:13:21,178 --> 00:13:22,479
but, uh, you do the math.
315
00:13:24,816 --> 00:13:26,816
Actually, Elvis' favorite snack
316
00:13:26,817 --> 00:13:30,153
was a fried peanut butter
and banana sandwich.
317
00:13:30,154 --> 00:13:31,988
Oh.
Wow.
318
00:13:31,989 --> 00:13:33,356
I'm sorry,
but how would a barber
319
00:13:33,357 --> 00:13:36,626
know what Elvis'
favorite snack was?
320
00:13:36,627 --> 00:13:38,879
I used to cut his hair.
321
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,012
You jiving me?
322
00:13:40,948 --> 00:13:42,582
No- No, no, it's true.
323
00:13:42,583 --> 00:13:44,551
He was the hairdresser
on The Ed Sullivan Show
324
00:13:44,552 --> 00:13:45,785
for years.
325
00:13:45,786 --> 00:13:47,554
You mean,
you really knew Elvis?
326
00:13:47,555 --> 00:13:48,838
Oh, I knew 'em all.
327
00:13:48,839 --> 00:13:50,590
Kate Smith,
328
00:13:50,591 --> 00:13:52,175
Alan King,
329
00:13:52,176 --> 00:13:53,309
Elizabeth Taylor.
330
00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:56,480
She was even more beautiful
in person.
331
00:13:56,481 --> 00:13:58,047
One time I said to her,
332
00:13:58,048 --> 00:14:01,935
"Liz, if I ever turn straight,
watch out!"
333
00:14:03,855 --> 00:14:06,122
Anyway, that's all
well and good.
334
00:14:06,123 --> 00:14:07,791
Getting back
to the proper way
335
00:14:07,792 --> 00:14:10,694
to make a fried
bologna sandwich-
336
00:14:10,695 --> 00:14:11,995
Did you know
The Beatles too?
337
00:14:11,996 --> 00:14:13,697
Oh, sure.
You knew The Beatles?
338
00:14:13,698 --> 00:14:16,299
I- I gotta say
my favorite was Ringo.
339
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:19,169
He- He was a real sweet-
As a matter of fact,
340
00:14:19,170 --> 00:14:21,120
he gave me this, uh-
This money clip.
341
00:14:21,121 --> 00:14:22,255
Oh, wow.
342
00:14:22,256 --> 00:14:24,758
Ay, que bonito.
343
00:14:29,881 --> 00:14:31,498
Yeah! Ha, ha, ha.
344
00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:34,200
What's the matter?
345
00:14:34,201 --> 00:14:36,235
Now he's making faces
at me.
346
00:14:37,822 --> 00:14:39,222
You keep making faces
like that,
347
00:14:39,223 --> 00:14:40,623
your face is gonna stay
that way.
348
00:14:40,624 --> 00:14:42,642
That's right. Trust me.
Happened to my cousin.
349
00:14:42,643 --> 00:14:44,944
Um, sir, would you please
stop bothering my son?
350
00:14:44,945 --> 00:14:47,647
Uh, he is bothering me.
351
00:14:47,648 --> 00:14:49,199
Are you even supposed
to be sitting there?
352
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,402
I happen to know that those
are Dr. Epstein's seats.
353
00:14:52,403 --> 00:14:55,105
Uh, I think Uncle Eppie is okay
with us sitting here.
354
00:14:55,106 --> 00:14:56,907
Yeah.
355
00:15:11,589 --> 00:15:13,957
It's mine now! Yeah!
356
00:15:13,958 --> 00:15:17,477
What's up? What's the matter,
four-eyes? Yeah!
357
00:15:17,478 --> 00:15:19,179
He took my ball!
358
00:15:19,180 --> 00:15:21,547
What is wrong
with you?!
359
00:15:21,548 --> 00:15:23,650
He's just a boy.
360
00:15:28,856 --> 00:15:31,390
Hey, honey,
how's the big game going?
361
00:15:32,459 --> 00:15:33,993
How did it go?
Did you tell her off?
362
00:15:33,994 --> 00:15:36,112
Uh, not exactly.
Um...
363
00:15:36,113 --> 00:15:39,482
here's what we're gonna do,
okay?
364
00:15:39,483 --> 00:15:42,285
You're gonna go
down to her limo with her,
365
00:15:42,286 --> 00:15:44,120
and I'm gonna go
to the Bahamas.
366
00:15:45,522 --> 00:15:47,157
What!?
367
00:15:47,158 --> 00:15:50,059
Yeah. Apparently,
she likes you so much
368
00:15:50,060 --> 00:15:51,961
that she's willing
to give me a free vacation
369
00:15:51,962 --> 00:15:53,547
just to get rid of me!
370
00:15:53,548 --> 00:15:54,413
Wait a minute.
371
00:15:54,414 --> 00:15:55,915
A second ago,
you were so insulted.
372
00:15:55,916 --> 00:15:57,583
Now you're gonna pimp out
your husband
373
00:15:57,584 --> 00:15:59,185
so you can lie
in the sun.
374
00:16:01,338 --> 00:16:03,640
Yeah.
375
00:16:03,641 --> 00:16:06,977
So you really want me to go down
and have sex with her?
376
00:16:06,978 --> 00:16:09,579
I'm not gonna micromanage
what you do down there.
377
00:16:12,433 --> 00:16:15,035
Isn't she a little
too old for me?
378
00:16:15,036 --> 00:16:16,819
She looks 45, tops.
379
00:16:18,406 --> 00:16:20,089
I don't know.
It just doesn't feel right.
380
00:16:20,090 --> 00:16:21,657
Let me go about this
a different way.
381
00:16:21,658 --> 00:16:23,743
Who's your favorite character
on Star Trek?
382
00:16:23,744 --> 00:16:26,413
Squire of Gothos.
383
00:16:26,414 --> 00:16:29,532
Okay. I was thinking more like
the Captain Kirk guy.
384
00:16:29,533 --> 00:16:30,867
Oh, yeah.
385
00:16:30,868 --> 00:16:33,202
Okay. Now, when he beams
down on a new planet
386
00:16:33,203 --> 00:16:35,071
and he meets
a half-fish green girl,
387
00:16:35,072 --> 00:16:37,339
does he say, "Oh,
this doesn't feel right"?
388
00:16:37,340 --> 00:16:39,642
No, he takes her behind a rock
and he does his business.
389
00:16:39,643 --> 00:16:40,910
Am I right?
390
00:16:44,564 --> 00:16:47,233
Technically, that would violate
the Prime Directive-
391
00:16:47,234 --> 00:16:49,001
Spence, please.
392
00:16:49,002 --> 00:16:51,137
All right, all right!
393
00:17:22,836 --> 00:17:25,204
Damn, I got goosebumps.
394
00:17:25,205 --> 00:17:26,890
Where'd you learn
to play like that?
395
00:17:26,891 --> 00:17:28,474
Listen, when you're gay,
396
00:17:28,475 --> 00:17:29,842
you're born knowing
how to play
397
00:17:29,843 --> 00:17:31,544
at least three show tunes.
398
00:17:34,681 --> 00:17:36,733
Come on, everybody.
399
00:17:47,027 --> 00:17:49,428
Arthur,
what a great party.
400
00:17:49,429 --> 00:17:50,763
If I wasn't a gentleman,
401
00:17:50,764 --> 00:17:52,832
I'd punch you square
in the mouth.
402
00:17:52,833 --> 00:17:54,217
What? What did I do?
403
00:17:54,218 --> 00:17:55,084
That uncle of yours.
404
00:17:55,085 --> 00:17:56,836
You pawned him off
as some dull barber.
405
00:17:56,837 --> 00:18:00,090
Turns out he's
a fascinating homosexual!
406
00:18:00,091 --> 00:18:02,091
Arthur, everyone is having
a wonderful time.
407
00:18:02,092 --> 00:18:03,593
Yes.
But not because of me.
408
00:18:03,594 --> 00:18:05,161
Does that really matter?
409
00:18:05,162 --> 00:18:08,348
Why do you think I got this
collection of misfits together?
410
00:18:08,349 --> 00:18:09,549
To hear
what they had to say?!
411
00:18:10,851 --> 00:18:12,485
All right,
listen to me, Arthur,
412
00:18:12,486 --> 00:18:14,670
I am not gonna let you
ruin this dinner party.
413
00:18:14,671 --> 00:18:16,939
Someone is playing footsies
with me under the table,
414
00:18:16,940 --> 00:18:18,908
and if that turns out
to be Roberto,
415
00:18:18,909 --> 00:18:21,377
I'd kinda like
to see that through.
416
00:18:21,378 --> 00:18:23,179
So dinner is served!
417
00:18:25,966 --> 00:18:30,369
Yo cort� el pelo
de Erik Estrada,
418
00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:35,675
Ricardo Montalban,
Desi Arnaz, senior and junior.
419
00:18:35,676 --> 00:18:39,512
Wow. Este hombre
es fant�stico.
420
00:18:39,513 --> 00:18:41,881
I can't believe
you can speak Spanish too.
421
00:18:41,882 --> 00:18:45,218
I once had a lover
who was a Spaniard.
422
00:18:45,219 --> 00:18:46,519
Oh.
There you go.
423
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,370
So did I.
424
00:18:52,226 --> 00:18:55,061
Oh, you mean,
a Spanish woman.
425
00:18:55,062 --> 00:18:56,462
No.
426
00:18:56,463 --> 00:18:59,399
You think he's the only one
here with a fabulous gay past?
427
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,451
Arthur...
428
00:19:01,452 --> 00:19:03,803
Why, I have had encounters
with thousands of men:
429
00:19:03,804 --> 00:19:07,589
black men, Latin men,
bodybuilders!
430
00:19:10,310 --> 00:19:13,980
Now let me tell you a story
about a confused Army recruit,
431
00:19:13,981 --> 00:19:16,182
a bottle of moonshine
432
00:19:16,183 --> 00:19:19,185
and a stern
but loving drill sergeant.
433
00:19:20,588 --> 00:19:23,390
I was already exhausted
from the obstacle course.
434
00:19:23,391 --> 00:19:25,374
Little did I know
there was one more hurdle
435
00:19:25,375 --> 00:19:26,742
I had to clear.
436
00:19:35,052 --> 00:19:36,469
Oh, yeah.
437
00:19:36,470 --> 00:19:39,856
We're gonna be in the skybox.
It's gonna be great!
438
00:19:39,857 --> 00:19:41,924
This sweater
cost me 100 bucks.
439
00:19:41,925 --> 00:19:45,127
Serves you right for trying
to be somebody you're not.
440
00:19:45,128 --> 00:19:48,530
Okay, you know what?
That one had some soda in it!
441
00:19:48,531 --> 00:19:50,266
Just give the kid
the ball back, man!
442
00:19:50,267 --> 00:19:53,336
No! All right?
This doesn't bother me.
443
00:19:53,337 --> 00:19:55,104
I'm just enjoying
a little baseball.
444
00:19:55,105 --> 00:19:57,306
Come on, first and third,
let's see a little action!
445
00:19:57,307 --> 00:19:59,008
You're giving
the kid the ball!
446
00:19:59,009 --> 00:20:00,743
Oh, really?
Yeah, really!
447
00:20:00,744 --> 00:20:02,311
And how's
that gonna happen?
448
00:20:02,312 --> 00:20:03,645
Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
449
00:20:05,716 --> 00:20:08,284
Yes, hello. I am flying down
to your island next week,
450
00:20:08,285 --> 00:20:11,287
and I was wondering, is it
too early to book a massage?
451
00:20:12,222 --> 00:20:13,856
Who's got strong hands?
452
00:20:17,327 --> 00:20:18,461
I'll call you back.
453
00:20:18,462 --> 00:20:20,480
Hey, I was just on the phone
with the hotel,
454
00:20:20,481 --> 00:20:21,865
and I like what I'm hearing!
455
00:20:21,866 --> 00:20:24,200
Oh, actually, about that,
you know, I just realized
456
00:20:24,201 --> 00:20:26,336
I'm going to be down there
in a few weeks anyway,
457
00:20:26,337 --> 00:20:29,205
so I'll just check things
out myself.
458
00:20:29,206 --> 00:20:30,573
But thanks.
459
00:20:34,728 --> 00:20:36,246
Did you chicken out?
460
00:20:36,247 --> 00:20:37,212
No!
461
00:20:37,213 --> 00:20:38,347
What happened?
462
00:20:38,348 --> 00:20:39,932
You've only been gone
for a minute!
463
00:20:39,933 --> 00:20:42,068
I- I'd never been
in a limo before.
464
00:20:42,069 --> 00:20:44,403
It was... very exciting.
465
00:20:44,404 --> 00:20:46,072
And it was more
like two minutes.
466
00:20:47,641 --> 00:20:49,725
Exciting, Spence?
She's 100 years old.
467
00:20:49,726 --> 00:20:51,444
You said she looked 45.
468
00:20:51,445 --> 00:20:53,963
Yeah. From space.
469
00:20:53,964 --> 00:20:56,432
I just wanna-
I wanna die.
470
00:20:57,985 --> 00:20:58,985
There! There he is!
471
00:20:58,986 --> 00:21:00,753
There's the man
who ruined my suit.
472
00:21:06,660 --> 00:21:08,661
Hey, Car,
isn't that your husband?
473
00:21:15,435 --> 00:21:17,269
I'm just gonna grab
my purse and go.
474
00:21:28,932 --> 00:21:32,368
So, what's the verdict
on that footsie thing?
475
00:21:32,369 --> 00:21:34,003
Yea or nay?
33942
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