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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:38,886 --> 00:00:40,187 Yeah. 2 00:00:43,091 --> 00:00:45,476 Welcome to the Final Four. 3 00:00:46,811 --> 00:00:48,462 Ah. Final Four. Just in time. 4 00:00:49,848 --> 00:00:51,765 Hi, hon. 5 00:00:51,766 --> 00:00:54,117 Hey. I thought you guys were gonna be out all day 6 00:00:54,118 --> 00:00:55,903 celebrating his birthday. 7 00:00:55,904 --> 00:00:57,020 Change of plans. 8 00:00:57,021 --> 00:00:58,889 I heard you were home watching basketball, 9 00:00:58,890 --> 00:01:01,591 so I told her Six Flags could wait for another day. 10 00:01:06,914 --> 00:01:09,382 Excuse me, I gotta get something. 11 00:01:11,035 --> 00:01:13,837 Did you tell him I was home watching the games? 12 00:01:13,838 --> 00:01:16,039 He asked where you were. What was I to say? 13 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:17,791 I told you what to say. 14 00:01:17,792 --> 00:01:20,627 Oh, yeah, you were reading to blind children. I forgot. 15 00:01:20,628 --> 00:01:23,279 You forgot. Now I'm stuck with the Aqua Velva man. 16 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:26,049 Doug, just let him watch with you, please? 17 00:01:26,050 --> 00:01:27,518 Think of it as your birthday gift. 18 00:01:27,519 --> 00:01:30,286 My birthday gift is that he's not living in the V.A. hospital. 19 00:01:32,156 --> 00:01:33,623 Look, Carrie. Look, I'm serious. 20 00:01:33,624 --> 00:01:35,225 I wanted to watch the games by myself. 21 00:01:35,226 --> 00:01:37,460 It's important. My whole office pool rides on this. 22 00:01:37,461 --> 00:01:40,831 What office pool? 23 00:01:40,832 --> 00:01:42,866 Do you listen to anything I say? 24 00:01:42,867 --> 00:01:44,651 I'm selective, I'll admit. 25 00:01:44,652 --> 00:01:46,737 The March Madness pool, okay? 26 00:01:46,738 --> 00:01:48,989 If both my teams win, I get two tickets to St. Louis 27 00:01:48,990 --> 00:01:51,074 for the championship game, all expenses paid. 28 00:01:51,075 --> 00:01:52,542 Douglas! Hurry! 29 00:01:52,543 --> 00:01:55,329 You're missing the Maalox Pregame Roundup. 30 00:01:56,714 --> 00:01:59,466 Just let him watch with you. For me. 31 00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:01,184 Okay, fine. Thank you. 32 00:02:01,185 --> 00:02:02,886 Now I just gotta run some more errands, 33 00:02:02,887 --> 00:02:05,355 but I just want you to know that I really appreciate this. 34 00:02:05,356 --> 00:02:06,589 This is very sweet of you. 35 00:02:06,590 --> 00:02:09,026 Well, I hate your guts. 36 00:02:10,428 --> 00:02:12,896 They're doing a feature on one of the players. 37 00:02:12,897 --> 00:02:16,350 Leshandon Hawkins, raised by his grandmother. 38 00:02:16,351 --> 00:02:18,017 Did you ever? 39 00:02:18,018 --> 00:02:19,853 Never. 40 00:02:21,756 --> 00:02:24,424 The most compelling story of this tournament. 41 00:02:31,198 --> 00:02:32,932 This is some fun, huh? 42 00:02:32,933 --> 00:02:34,735 Just the boys watching some roundball. 43 00:02:34,736 --> 00:02:37,337 Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. 44 00:02:37,338 --> 00:02:38,705 Did I ever tell you I used to play 45 00:02:38,706 --> 00:02:40,106 for the Oneonta Red Dragons? 46 00:02:40,107 --> 00:02:41,741 Last night and this morning. 47 00:02:41,742 --> 00:02:44,477 The other players nicknamed me "Crazy Legs Spooner. " 48 00:02:44,478 --> 00:02:48,248 Prior to that I was known simply as "Legs Spooner. " 49 00:02:50,501 --> 00:02:52,635 Oh, I will get it. 50 00:02:54,205 --> 00:02:56,106 Hello? 51 00:02:56,107 --> 00:02:58,775 What? I can't- 52 00:02:58,776 --> 00:03:01,744 I just sat down, I'm watching the games with my father-in-law. 53 00:03:03,181 --> 00:03:04,781 All right, all right. 54 00:03:04,782 --> 00:03:07,550 I'll be right there. Jeez, bad news, Arthur. 55 00:03:07,551 --> 00:03:09,219 One of our other drivers got real sick. 56 00:03:09,220 --> 00:03:11,622 I gotta go and fill-in for him. 57 00:03:11,623 --> 00:03:12,823 Oh, my God. Which one? 58 00:03:12,824 --> 00:03:16,025 Oh, uh, it's Tom Mc... Jagger. 59 00:03:44,155 --> 00:03:46,606 Here we go with the opening tip. 60 00:03:48,943 --> 00:03:52,545 And we're down to two minutes left in this thrilling matchup. 61 00:03:52,546 --> 00:03:54,698 Hey, Dad. 62 00:03:54,699 --> 00:03:56,199 Where's Doug? 63 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,184 Oh, he left. 64 00:03:58,185 --> 00:04:01,371 He had to fill-in for McJagger. 65 00:04:07,128 --> 00:04:10,881 Simpson, in-bound pass, looking for someone open. 66 00:04:12,550 --> 00:04:14,768 What are you doing? What? 67 00:04:14,769 --> 00:04:17,471 You're supposed to be watching the game with my father. 68 00:04:17,472 --> 00:04:18,555 I tried. It was too painful. 69 00:04:18,556 --> 00:04:20,657 So I just called myself with my cell phone 70 00:04:20,658 --> 00:04:22,776 and, uh, pretended it was work. 71 00:04:22,777 --> 00:04:24,127 The fake phone call thing again? 72 00:04:24,128 --> 00:04:26,530 You know, he's gonna figure that out eventually. 73 00:04:26,531 --> 00:04:29,199 When he figures out Velcro, I'll start worrying. 74 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,035 Come inside so we can do his cake. 75 00:04:32,036 --> 00:04:33,737 No, Carrie, I got a shot at winning this. 76 00:04:33,738 --> 00:04:35,138 Inside now. Ugh. 77 00:04:35,139 --> 00:04:37,273 Okay. 78 00:04:41,378 --> 00:04:43,513 Wilkins sets, 79 00:04:43,514 --> 00:04:46,416 and the final free-throw is good. 80 00:04:46,417 --> 00:04:49,152 And that ties the score at 61. 81 00:04:49,153 --> 00:04:51,888 We'll be back with the final 55 seconds 82 00:04:51,889 --> 00:04:53,356 after these words. 83 00:04:59,163 --> 00:05:01,564 Okay, I'm home from work! Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. 84 00:05:01,565 --> 00:05:05,102 Okay. Dad, could you come in here a sec? 85 00:05:06,771 --> 00:05:09,439 A cake? I need my Lactaid pills. 86 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:10,373 Oh, I got 'em. I got 'em. 87 00:05:10,374 --> 00:05:11,474 Okay. 88 00:05:12,744 --> 00:05:14,578 No, no, no. These are regular strength. 89 00:05:14,579 --> 00:05:16,329 I need ultra. Okay. 90 00:05:16,330 --> 00:05:17,547 Just eat around the ice cream. 91 00:05:30,077 --> 00:05:31,177 Hello? What? You're kid- 92 00:05:31,178 --> 00:05:32,479 Okay, I'll be right there. 93 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,447 Work again. Unbelievable. 94 00:05:36,583 --> 00:05:39,168 I hate the way those bastards take advantage 95 00:05:39,169 --> 00:05:40,336 of his good nature. 96 00:05:40,337 --> 00:05:42,773 Problem is, he's just too nice. 97 00:05:42,774 --> 00:05:44,457 Yes, that's his curse. 98 00:05:44,458 --> 00:05:45,959 Anyway, why don't you just go ahead 99 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:49,396 and, uh, blow out the candles and make a wish? 100 00:05:49,397 --> 00:05:50,446 Ah. 101 00:05:52,699 --> 00:05:55,351 Okay, that was a wet one. 102 00:05:55,352 --> 00:05:57,454 Anyway, what did you wish for? 103 00:05:57,455 --> 00:05:58,955 A tiger cub? 104 00:05:58,956 --> 00:06:00,507 No, no, no, not this year. 105 00:06:00,508 --> 00:06:02,341 I'm 0 for 22 on that one. 106 00:06:02,342 --> 00:06:04,411 What then? Uh, to be honest, 107 00:06:04,412 --> 00:06:07,914 I wished I could spend more time with Douglas. 108 00:06:07,915 --> 00:06:09,583 Really? 109 00:06:09,584 --> 00:06:12,168 Yeah. He's such a wonderful young man, 110 00:06:12,169 --> 00:06:15,071 but it seems every time I'm about to enjoy 111 00:06:15,072 --> 00:06:17,907 the pleasure of his company, he's whisked away to his job, 112 00:06:17,908 --> 00:06:20,977 or one of his charities, or he's locked in his room 113 00:06:20,978 --> 00:06:22,762 stricken with fever. 114 00:06:22,763 --> 00:06:25,015 Oh, well. 115 00:06:25,016 --> 00:06:28,268 Let's enjoy this wonderful cake. 116 00:06:28,269 --> 00:06:30,187 I won. I won. 117 00:06:30,188 --> 00:06:32,439 Douglas, I thought you were called back to work? 118 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,158 No, t-that was a wrong number. 119 00:06:35,159 --> 00:06:37,410 I'm going to St. Louis for the big game. 120 00:06:37,411 --> 00:06:38,378 Oh, that's great. 121 00:06:38,379 --> 00:06:40,497 Sounds like a marvelous adventure. 122 00:06:40,498 --> 00:06:42,699 Um, have you decided who you're gonna take with you? 123 00:06:48,256 --> 00:06:49,355 Yeah, 124 00:06:49,356 --> 00:06:51,391 Deacon. 125 00:06:55,362 --> 00:06:59,132 Did you not see me bulge my eyes and point with my head? 126 00:06:59,133 --> 00:07:01,634 Yeah, I assumed you were having some sort of seizure, 127 00:07:01,635 --> 00:07:02,836 so I left. 128 00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:05,405 Why can't you just- 129 00:07:05,406 --> 00:07:07,273 No, Carrie, I am not taking him to St. Louis. 130 00:07:07,274 --> 00:07:09,242 And, you know, it's insane for you to even ask. 131 00:07:09,243 --> 00:07:11,444 But I'm only asking because it's his birthday. 132 00:07:11,445 --> 00:07:12,745 No, no. You got his birthday gift 133 00:07:12,746 --> 00:07:14,447 when you made me watch TV with him. 134 00:07:14,448 --> 00:07:15,866 But you didn't watch TV with him. 135 00:07:15,867 --> 00:07:18,652 He rubbed ear stuff on me. 136 00:07:18,653 --> 00:07:21,237 Okay, look, Doug, I know that he's not a picnic to be around, 137 00:07:21,238 --> 00:07:23,839 but the fact is that he adores you. 138 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:25,441 Do you know what he wished for tonight 139 00:07:25,442 --> 00:07:27,010 when he was blowing out his candles? 140 00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:28,745 To spend more time with you. 141 00:07:28,746 --> 00:07:30,914 How do you know that? Because he told me. 142 00:07:30,915 --> 00:07:32,598 If he told you his wish, it can't come true. 143 00:07:32,599 --> 00:07:33,833 Doug. 144 00:07:33,834 --> 00:07:35,585 I don't make the rules, baby. All right. 145 00:07:35,586 --> 00:07:37,420 Let me bottom line this for you, okay? 146 00:07:37,421 --> 00:07:39,488 You do this for him, 147 00:07:39,489 --> 00:07:41,624 and I will never ask you to do anything with him 148 00:07:41,625 --> 00:07:43,894 ever, ever again. Yeah, okay. 149 00:07:43,895 --> 00:07:45,061 Yeah, right. No, 150 00:07:45,062 --> 00:07:47,079 I am serious. Take him to St. Louis, 151 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:48,715 and you are done. 152 00:07:48,716 --> 00:07:50,916 You don't have to drive him to the senior center, 153 00:07:50,917 --> 00:07:52,319 no more playing Monopoly, 154 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:54,187 Chinese checkers, thumb wrestling, 155 00:07:54,188 --> 00:07:55,738 and my hand to God, 156 00:07:55,739 --> 00:07:57,657 you never have to apply ointment 157 00:07:57,658 --> 00:07:59,942 to his naked back again. 158 00:08:02,579 --> 00:08:04,447 Wait a second, you just mentioned his back. 159 00:08:04,448 --> 00:08:06,215 You didn't say anything about his front. 160 00:08:06,216 --> 00:08:08,351 Has he got something on his front I don't know about? 161 00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:12,372 Fine. You don't have to do his front, either. 162 00:08:12,373 --> 00:08:13,490 All right. 163 00:08:17,493 --> 00:08:18,927 Hey there, folks. 164 00:08:18,928 --> 00:08:20,729 Welcome aboard flight 317 to St. Louis. 165 00:08:20,730 --> 00:08:22,397 Please make yourselves comfortable, 166 00:08:22,398 --> 00:08:24,265 we should be taking off shortly. 167 00:08:27,036 --> 00:08:29,521 This was a wonderful surprise, Douglas. 168 00:08:29,522 --> 00:08:30,988 Thank you again. 169 00:08:30,989 --> 00:08:32,457 My pleasure. 170 00:08:32,458 --> 00:08:35,844 The fact is, I've been itching to spend more time with you. 171 00:08:35,845 --> 00:08:37,395 Really? 172 00:08:37,396 --> 00:08:38,730 I was just telling Carrie 173 00:08:38,731 --> 00:08:41,183 I wanted to spend more time with you. 174 00:08:41,184 --> 00:08:43,602 Wow. 175 00:08:43,603 --> 00:08:45,653 Well, let's just enjoy the time we have together now. 176 00:08:45,654 --> 00:08:47,189 You know, 177 00:08:47,190 --> 00:08:50,308 in case we don't see each other much after this. 178 00:08:52,811 --> 00:08:56,081 Yeah, let the enjoying commence. 179 00:08:56,082 --> 00:08:57,115 What do you got there? 180 00:08:57,116 --> 00:08:58,984 My sleeping pills. 181 00:08:58,985 --> 00:09:00,384 Nervous flier, huh? 182 00:09:00,385 --> 00:09:02,019 Oh, yes. 183 00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:05,323 More than once I've stormed the cockpit in a panic, 184 00:09:05,324 --> 00:09:08,125 but these days, that's frowned upon. 185 00:09:08,126 --> 00:09:10,178 Hey, folks, this is Captain Bender. 186 00:09:10,179 --> 00:09:12,614 We seem to be having a little problem with the landing gear. 187 00:09:12,615 --> 00:09:16,084 Hopefully we'll get it fixed and we'll take off shortly. 188 00:09:16,085 --> 00:09:17,585 Oh, God. 189 00:09:22,708 --> 00:09:24,176 Oh, I'm sorry 190 00:09:24,177 --> 00:09:26,428 your flight's delayed, honey, but hang in there, okay? 191 00:09:26,429 --> 00:09:28,397 You're doing a really great thing for him. 192 00:09:28,398 --> 00:09:29,631 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 193 00:09:29,632 --> 00:09:31,683 Uh, how's everything going there? 194 00:09:31,684 --> 00:09:33,384 Uh, it's okay, I guess. 195 00:09:33,385 --> 00:09:35,486 I mean, you know I don't like to be home by myself, 196 00:09:35,487 --> 00:09:36,688 but it is one night. 197 00:09:36,689 --> 00:09:39,423 I'll just try to get through it somehow. 198 00:09:39,424 --> 00:09:40,792 All right. I love you. 199 00:09:40,793 --> 00:09:42,961 I love you too. Bye-bye. 200 00:09:56,125 --> 00:09:58,326 Folks, this is the captain again. 201 00:09:58,327 --> 00:09:59,777 Apparently, our maintenance crew 202 00:09:59,778 --> 00:10:02,831 has been unable to fix the landing gear after all. 203 00:10:02,832 --> 00:10:05,801 But don't worry, we'll get you to St. Louis tonight. 204 00:10:05,802 --> 00:10:08,269 We have another flight that connects through Pittsburgh 205 00:10:08,270 --> 00:10:10,739 leaving from Gate 2 in about 15 minutes. 206 00:10:12,107 --> 00:10:14,943 All right, Arthur, come on, we gotta hustle. 207 00:10:16,278 --> 00:10:17,479 Arthur? 208 00:10:18,414 --> 00:10:19,648 Arthur? 209 00:10:50,629 --> 00:10:51,796 Huh? 210 00:10:53,149 --> 00:10:55,016 Douglas? Douglas? 211 00:10:55,017 --> 00:10:56,034 Yeah, sh- Shhh. 212 00:10:56,035 --> 00:10:58,854 He's old. Uh, I'm here. 213 00:10:58,855 --> 00:11:01,088 What's going on? 214 00:11:01,089 --> 00:11:03,808 Flight got cancelled. We had to grab a connection to Pittsburgh. 215 00:11:03,809 --> 00:11:06,111 We're in Pittsburgh? Yeah. 216 00:11:06,112 --> 00:11:07,378 I've never been in Pittsburgh. 217 00:11:07,379 --> 00:11:10,415 Come on, let's tour the steel mills. 218 00:11:10,416 --> 00:11:12,800 Let's drink from the Monongahela. 219 00:11:12,801 --> 00:11:15,170 We board in a few minutes. Oh. 220 00:11:15,171 --> 00:11:17,555 That's just enough time to load up on some souvenirs. 221 00:11:17,556 --> 00:11:19,490 I'll be back in a jiff. 222 00:11:19,491 --> 00:11:21,826 Hey, we don't have a jiff. 223 00:11:39,645 --> 00:11:40,896 Guess who. 224 00:11:40,897 --> 00:11:43,281 Hey, Joe. What are you doing here? 225 00:11:43,282 --> 00:11:45,250 Oh, I had to go to a buddy of mine's funeral, 226 00:11:45,251 --> 00:11:47,551 but my flight back doesn't leave for a couple of hours, 227 00:11:47,552 --> 00:11:49,704 figured I'd pop in here and surprise you. 228 00:11:49,705 --> 00:11:52,006 Well, mission accomplished. Yeah, heh. 229 00:11:52,007 --> 00:11:53,775 Where's my boy? He upstairs? 230 00:11:53,776 --> 00:11:55,109 Uh, no. 231 00:11:55,110 --> 00:11:57,996 Actually, he, uh, won some tickets 232 00:11:57,997 --> 00:11:59,297 to a basketball game, 233 00:11:59,298 --> 00:12:02,167 so he's on his way to St. Louis with my father. 234 00:12:02,168 --> 00:12:04,535 Oh. Ah, jeez, I'm sorry I missed him. 235 00:12:05,671 --> 00:12:08,406 What's all this? You having a s�ance? 236 00:12:08,407 --> 00:12:10,174 Uh, no, no. I- 237 00:12:10,175 --> 00:12:12,026 Just a little bit of mood lighting. 238 00:12:12,027 --> 00:12:13,795 Won't be needing that now. 239 00:12:14,847 --> 00:12:17,281 Oh, God, you're in the middle of dinner. 240 00:12:17,282 --> 00:12:19,483 Yeah, I'm just having some sushi. You want some? 241 00:12:19,484 --> 00:12:21,019 No, the one time I had that, 242 00:12:21,020 --> 00:12:23,187 I got a tapeworm as big as a baby's leg. 243 00:12:23,188 --> 00:12:25,156 But you enjoy. 244 00:12:27,910 --> 00:12:30,911 Attention all passengers on flight 641 to St. Louis. 245 00:12:30,912 --> 00:12:34,449 This is final boarding. Final boarding for St. Louis. 246 00:12:34,450 --> 00:12:36,417 Damn it, Arthur. Come on. 247 00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:38,919 Hi. 248 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,022 Excuse me, my father-in-law kind of wandered off. 249 00:12:41,023 --> 00:12:42,306 Can you give me five minutes? 250 00:12:42,307 --> 00:12:44,009 I got to get him to St. Louis tonight. 251 00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:45,910 I'm sorry. If it's not an emergency, 252 00:12:45,911 --> 00:12:47,295 I have to close the door now. 253 00:12:47,296 --> 00:12:49,180 Okay. Y-you know, it is an emergency. 254 00:12:49,181 --> 00:12:50,648 If I take him to this game tonight, 255 00:12:50,649 --> 00:12:52,416 I never have to spend time with him again. 256 00:12:52,417 --> 00:12:54,118 Let me tell you something, that is huge, 257 00:12:54,119 --> 00:12:56,220 'cause the guy is brutal. 258 00:12:56,221 --> 00:13:00,475 I mean, if a migraine headache wore a cardigan sweater, 259 00:13:00,476 --> 00:13:02,643 and chewed its soup, that would be Arthur Spooner. 260 00:13:02,644 --> 00:13:04,512 You know what I'm saying? 261 00:13:04,513 --> 00:13:06,147 Arthur. 262 00:13:06,148 --> 00:13:09,834 And to think I just bought you an "I Heart Pittsburgh" button. 263 00:13:11,303 --> 00:13:13,788 Arthur! Just give me one second, please? Arthur. 264 00:13:28,721 --> 00:13:29,887 Hey, I'm trying to find a guy 265 00:13:29,888 --> 00:13:31,689 who ran off in that direction right there. 266 00:13:31,690 --> 00:13:33,891 You want to help me chase him? I'll give you 10 bucks. 267 00:13:33,892 --> 00:13:35,293 Sure, hop in. All right, man. 268 00:13:35,294 --> 00:13:37,728 Thank you very much. Let her rip. 269 00:13:49,592 --> 00:13:51,459 Let her rip. Let her rip. 270 00:13:52,361 --> 00:13:54,796 Gun it. 271 00:13:54,797 --> 00:13:56,281 Okay. 272 00:13:56,282 --> 00:13:59,250 Not the best 10 bucks I ever spent. Thank you. 273 00:14:05,007 --> 00:14:07,258 Arthur, how'd you get back here? 274 00:14:07,259 --> 00:14:10,078 I just did a quick circle around the chairs. 275 00:14:10,079 --> 00:14:11,813 Sir, I'm closing the door now. 276 00:14:11,814 --> 00:14:13,048 Are you boarding or not? 277 00:14:13,049 --> 00:14:15,132 Yes. Yes, we are. No, we're not. 278 00:14:15,133 --> 00:14:18,853 I'm not flying to St. Louis with a man who despises me. 279 00:14:18,854 --> 00:14:20,805 Never again. Look, I don't- 280 00:14:20,806 --> 00:14:22,724 I don't despise you, okay? 281 00:14:22,725 --> 00:14:24,792 I- I just made that stuff up so he'd hold the gate. 282 00:14:24,793 --> 00:14:25,860 I swear it. Now, come on. 283 00:14:25,861 --> 00:14:27,795 Douglas, I may be a stupid old man, 284 00:14:27,796 --> 00:14:30,532 but I'm not stupid. You meant what you said. 285 00:14:30,533 --> 00:14:33,735 And I'm not getting on that plane. 286 00:14:36,539 --> 00:14:37,838 You know what, Arthur? 287 00:14:37,839 --> 00:14:39,440 You're right. I meant what I said. 288 00:14:39,441 --> 00:14:40,909 I meant every damn word of it. 289 00:14:40,910 --> 00:14:43,244 Every time I got something good in my life, 290 00:14:43,245 --> 00:14:45,480 you come along with your big Mickey Mouse hands 291 00:14:45,481 --> 00:14:47,549 and scoop it away. 292 00:14:47,550 --> 00:14:49,233 What did I ever take from you? 293 00:14:49,234 --> 00:14:51,753 I defy you to name three things. 294 00:14:51,754 --> 00:14:53,137 My basement, 295 00:14:53,138 --> 00:14:54,338 my privacy, 296 00:14:54,339 --> 00:14:56,808 a quarter of my paycheck every week. 297 00:14:56,809 --> 00:14:58,993 I defy you to name three more. 298 00:15:00,629 --> 00:15:02,397 There are thousands more, okay, Arthur? 299 00:15:02,398 --> 00:15:04,099 Let's go with the latest one, this game. 300 00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:05,533 I really wanted to go to this game 301 00:15:05,534 --> 00:15:07,485 and you blew it for me. 302 00:15:07,486 --> 00:15:09,336 I will not give you the satisfaction 303 00:15:09,337 --> 00:15:10,772 of lording this over me. 304 00:15:10,773 --> 00:15:13,742 I will get you to your precious game. 305 00:15:13,743 --> 00:15:15,493 How the hell are you gonna do that? 306 00:15:38,849 --> 00:15:41,183 How you doing there, Joe? Getting close maybe? 307 00:15:41,184 --> 00:15:42,719 Few more seconds. 308 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:44,487 Okay. 309 00:15:44,488 --> 00:15:46,923 Startin' to get the shakes. 310 00:15:46,924 --> 00:15:48,958 All right. 311 00:15:48,959 --> 00:15:50,192 Let her down gently. 312 00:15:50,193 --> 00:15:52,261 Okay. 313 00:15:52,262 --> 00:15:53,996 Ugh. How's that? 314 00:15:53,997 --> 00:15:55,298 She still wobbling? 315 00:15:55,299 --> 00:15:57,767 Didn't notice that she was wobbling before, 316 00:15:57,768 --> 00:15:59,602 but it seems fine now. 317 00:15:59,603 --> 00:16:01,971 Ah, I don't know. 318 00:16:01,972 --> 00:16:03,740 Let me see. 319 00:16:03,741 --> 00:16:04,874 Whoa. 320 00:16:04,875 --> 00:16:06,309 You don't have a level. 321 00:16:06,310 --> 00:16:08,612 I don't know. Just what's here is put in the box. 322 00:16:08,613 --> 00:16:10,096 All right, no need to panic. 323 00:16:10,097 --> 00:16:11,397 I can make one lickety-split. 324 00:16:11,398 --> 00:16:12,899 All I need is a couple of Dixie cups, 325 00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:15,068 a Ping-Pong ball and a drop of oil. 326 00:16:15,069 --> 00:16:17,037 Joe, the table's fine now. 327 00:16:17,038 --> 00:16:18,838 It's your house. 328 00:16:18,839 --> 00:16:20,106 Now, the last time I was here, 329 00:16:20,107 --> 00:16:21,674 I noticed the ice was a little milky. 330 00:16:21,675 --> 00:16:23,410 Come on, help me move the fridge out. 331 00:16:23,411 --> 00:16:24,744 No. 332 00:16:24,745 --> 00:16:25,845 What's the matter? 333 00:16:25,846 --> 00:16:28,014 Look, Joe, I am done moving furniture 334 00:16:28,015 --> 00:16:29,549 for tonight, okay? 335 00:16:29,550 --> 00:16:32,419 And that also includes sanding and varnishing. 336 00:16:33,687 --> 00:16:35,522 Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Carrie. 337 00:16:35,523 --> 00:16:38,425 I guess I kind of did barge in and take over, huh? 338 00:16:38,426 --> 00:16:40,594 Yeah, a little bit. 339 00:16:40,595 --> 00:16:42,094 Listen, I think maybe I'd better, uh, 340 00:16:42,095 --> 00:16:43,496 head over to the airport 341 00:16:43,497 --> 00:16:47,099 and, uh, hang out there till my flight leaves. 342 00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:50,503 Again, I'm sorry if I interrupted your evening. 343 00:16:50,504 --> 00:16:52,906 It was good seeing you, Carrie. 344 00:16:52,907 --> 00:16:54,241 Oh, Joe. 345 00:16:54,242 --> 00:16:57,611 Wait. Please. 346 00:16:57,612 --> 00:17:00,497 I want you to stay, really I do. 347 00:17:00,498 --> 00:17:02,782 Really? 348 00:17:02,783 --> 00:17:04,951 Can't we just sit and talk? You know, have a normal visit 349 00:17:04,952 --> 00:17:07,787 without power tools and Dixie cups? 350 00:17:08,956 --> 00:17:10,724 I'd like that. 351 00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:12,058 Me too. 352 00:17:29,559 --> 00:17:32,195 Thank you. Without you, we wouldn't have had a minyan. 353 00:17:32,196 --> 00:17:34,030 Well, that's what we do. 354 00:17:39,487 --> 00:17:41,988 Okay, that was ridiculous. 355 00:17:41,989 --> 00:17:43,890 You're lucky I taught pottery on a kibbutz 356 00:17:43,891 --> 00:17:46,793 or I never could have talked our way on here. 357 00:17:46,794 --> 00:17:47,960 Okay, if I were lucky, 358 00:17:47,961 --> 00:17:49,763 you wouldn't be living in my basement. 359 00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:52,432 And if I were lucky, you wouldn't be so fat. 360 00:17:54,067 --> 00:17:55,451 What does that have to do with luck? 361 00:17:55,452 --> 00:17:58,672 I can't hear you, you're too fat. 362 00:17:58,673 --> 00:18:01,391 Oh, God! What was that? 363 00:18:01,392 --> 00:18:02,792 I don't know. 364 00:18:02,793 --> 00:18:04,994 Gentlemen, we've hit a bit of weather here. 365 00:18:04,995 --> 00:18:06,996 It's going to be pretty bumpy the rest of the way 366 00:18:06,997 --> 00:18:08,398 to St. Louis, so please make sure 367 00:18:08,399 --> 00:18:10,366 you keep your seat belts fastened. Thank you. 368 00:18:10,367 --> 00:18:11,567 Where are my pills? 369 00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:14,003 You took 'em all in New York. Oh, God! 370 00:18:16,557 --> 00:18:18,191 Just relax, okay? 371 00:18:18,192 --> 00:18:20,910 I can't relax. I'm terrified. 372 00:18:20,911 --> 00:18:23,413 I wish I'd really prayed with these men 373 00:18:23,414 --> 00:18:26,950 instead of just making silly noises. 374 00:18:26,951 --> 00:18:28,234 Aagh! 375 00:18:33,374 --> 00:18:34,941 Come on. 376 00:18:40,363 --> 00:18:42,432 Just relax. You all right? 377 00:18:42,433 --> 00:18:43,699 You okay? 378 00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:46,068 I- I don't want to die, Douglas. 379 00:18:46,069 --> 00:18:48,738 You're not gonna die, okay? It's just turbulence. 380 00:18:48,739 --> 00:18:51,441 I mean, I don't want to die ever. 381 00:18:52,910 --> 00:18:54,844 With my luck, you won't. 382 00:18:56,713 --> 00:18:58,347 Douglas, 383 00:18:59,783 --> 00:19:01,918 when my time does come, 384 00:19:01,919 --> 00:19:04,087 am I headed upstairs or downstairs? 385 00:19:04,771 --> 00:19:06,539 I- I think upstairs. 386 00:19:06,540 --> 00:19:08,324 I hope so. Although, over the years, 387 00:19:08,325 --> 00:19:10,993 at least a dozen people have said to me, 388 00:19:10,994 --> 00:19:13,529 "You're gonna roast in hell, Spooner. " 389 00:19:13,530 --> 00:19:15,331 Mm-hmm. 390 00:19:15,332 --> 00:19:16,882 Even so, I think you're, uh- 391 00:19:16,883 --> 00:19:18,484 You're really not the hell type. 392 00:19:18,485 --> 00:19:20,220 Down there, they're looking for evil. 393 00:19:20,221 --> 00:19:21,854 You're not evil. You're- 394 00:19:21,855 --> 00:19:24,174 You're exhausting. 395 00:19:24,175 --> 00:19:26,859 Thank you, Douglas. Yeah. 396 00:19:26,860 --> 00:19:30,013 I'm sorry I played the fat card before. 397 00:19:30,014 --> 00:19:32,231 It's okay. You didn't play it very well. 398 00:19:35,068 --> 00:19:36,168 Well, that being said, 399 00:19:36,169 --> 00:19:37,737 you might want to speak to the pilot, 400 00:19:37,738 --> 00:19:41,741 because I'm about to become hysterical. 401 00:19:41,742 --> 00:19:44,127 Gentlemen, it looks like we're going to be making 402 00:19:44,128 --> 00:19:46,663 an unscheduled stop in about five minutes. 403 00:19:46,664 --> 00:19:51,584 Don't worry, the screaming man will be getting off the plane. 404 00:19:53,554 --> 00:19:55,638 So Freddy says to me, 405 00:19:55,639 --> 00:19:58,474 "That's not a Lionel engine. That's a knockoff. " 406 00:19:58,475 --> 00:19:59,809 But the joke is on him 407 00:19:59,810 --> 00:20:02,011 because I know it's authentic from the smokestack. 408 00:20:02,012 --> 00:20:04,130 So he sold it to me for a song. 409 00:20:04,131 --> 00:20:05,932 You're kidding me. Hand to God. 410 00:20:05,933 --> 00:20:06,966 I love it. 411 00:20:06,967 --> 00:20:08,000 Oh, oh, oh. 412 00:20:08,001 --> 00:20:09,519 Here's the capper. 413 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:10,369 Jump ahead three years. 414 00:20:10,370 --> 00:20:12,105 I'm at a train show in Utica 415 00:20:12,106 --> 00:20:13,639 and guess who walks over to me 416 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,309 with the sorriest-looking freight car you ever saw? 417 00:20:16,310 --> 00:20:17,477 I think I know who. 418 00:20:17,478 --> 00:20:18,778 Oh, wait. 419 00:20:18,779 --> 00:20:20,112 Hold that thought. 420 00:20:22,115 --> 00:20:24,083 Hello? 421 00:20:24,084 --> 00:20:25,785 What? 422 00:20:25,786 --> 00:20:26,952 Oh, God. 423 00:20:26,953 --> 00:20:29,922 All right. I'll- I'll be right there. 424 00:20:29,923 --> 00:20:31,741 Okay, bye-bye. 425 00:20:31,742 --> 00:20:34,577 Crisis at the office. I have to run. 426 00:20:34,578 --> 00:20:35,811 Oh, that stinks. 427 00:20:35,812 --> 00:20:38,547 Yeah, I know, but lock up when you leave, okay? 428 00:20:38,548 --> 00:20:39,782 Thanks. Mwah. 429 00:21:04,108 --> 00:21:06,526 Okay, so, what do you like? 430 00:21:06,527 --> 00:21:08,160 The Dayton snow globe 431 00:21:08,161 --> 00:21:11,196 or the Dayton cheese board? 432 00:21:15,368 --> 00:21:17,469 Okay, the cheese board. 30857