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1
00:00:09,123 --> 00:00:10,891
This is messed up.
2
00:00:10,892 --> 00:00:12,459
Telling us we're
going to Cooper's,
3
00:00:12,460 --> 00:00:13,727
then dragging us
to the mall.
4
00:00:13,728 --> 00:00:15,094
We're going
to Cooper's, okay?
5
00:00:15,095 --> 00:00:17,263
As soon I get Carrie
her anniversary present.
6
00:00:17,264 --> 00:00:20,267
You should get her
a massaging foot soaker.
7
00:00:20,268 --> 00:00:22,469
I got one,
and mine feel like butter.
8
00:00:22,470 --> 00:00:24,855
Okay, thanks for ruining
butter for me.
9
00:00:24,856 --> 00:00:27,791
Come on. Do you have any idea
what you're gonna get her?
10
00:00:27,792 --> 00:00:29,727
I know exactly
what I'm getting her.
11
00:00:29,728 --> 00:00:31,578
She actually circled
the earrings in this ad.
12
00:00:31,579 --> 00:00:33,747
Then she sketched out
a map of the mall
13
00:00:33,748 --> 00:00:35,148
so I don't get lost.
14
00:00:35,149 --> 00:00:37,684
Look, see the "X"
at Cinnabon there?
15
00:00:37,685 --> 00:00:40,120
"You are probably here. "
16
00:00:40,121 --> 00:00:42,039
Fredrico DeMali?
17
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,741
No. Doug Heffernan.
18
00:00:43,742 --> 00:00:46,109
Oh, no. I was asking
if you'd like to try
19
00:00:46,110 --> 00:00:47,911
our new
Fredrico DeMali cologne.
20
00:00:47,912 --> 00:00:49,379
Oh. No. No, thanks.
21
00:00:49,380 --> 00:00:51,165
I'm good with
my Midnight Steel.
22
00:00:51,166 --> 00:00:53,316
Midnight Steel?
23
00:00:53,317 --> 00:00:55,302
Isn't that kind of '90s?
24
00:00:55,303 --> 00:00:57,087
Actually, '80s.
25
00:00:57,088 --> 00:00:58,722
Come on, try it.
I mean, you wouldn't
26
00:00:58,723 --> 00:00:59,890
still wear the clothes
27
00:00:59,891 --> 00:01:01,592
you wore in the '80s,
would you?
28
00:01:01,593 --> 00:01:04,160
All right, yeah.
I'll take a blast. Sure.
29
00:01:07,799 --> 00:01:10,350
Wow!
That smells awesome.
30
00:01:10,351 --> 00:01:13,570
Goes great with your
body chemistry. Really?
31
00:01:13,571 --> 00:01:14,805
She's right.
That's a winner.
32
00:01:14,806 --> 00:01:16,774
Oh, my God.
You smell yummy.
33
00:01:16,775 --> 00:01:19,276
Okay, I'll take
the biggest bottle you have.
34
00:01:57,196 --> 00:01:58,713
Oh!
Ten of clubs.
35
00:01:58,714 --> 00:02:00,816
Miracle card. Gin!
36
00:02:00,817 --> 00:02:03,252
That's 80 bucks you owe me.
37
00:02:03,253 --> 00:02:05,303
I know. You don't have to
rub my face in it.
38
00:02:06,355 --> 00:02:08,390
Douglas, he's rubbing it
in my face again.
39
00:02:08,391 --> 00:02:09,825
Hey, don't know
what it is,
40
00:02:09,826 --> 00:02:12,060
but I hope I'm upstairs
before the rubbing starts.
41
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,932
Okay. One more game,
double or nothing.
42
00:02:16,933 --> 00:02:19,602
No, Arthur, I'm not playing
until you pay me the 80 bucks.
43
00:02:19,603 --> 00:02:21,319
I told you before,
just put it on my tab.
44
00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:22,621
Why can't you
get that through
45
00:02:22,622 --> 00:02:24,723
that pineapple-shaped
head of yours?!
46
00:02:24,724 --> 00:02:26,025
Okay, you know what?
47
00:02:26,026 --> 00:02:28,394
When you win,
I pay right away,
48
00:02:28,395 --> 00:02:31,230
and when I win, you don't pay,
and you insult my head.
49
00:02:31,231 --> 00:02:35,117
Are you insinuating
I'm not good for the money?
50
00:02:35,118 --> 00:02:36,952
No, I'm not insinuating.
You don't pay.
51
00:02:36,953 --> 00:02:39,037
Then you are
insinuating it.
52
00:02:41,875 --> 00:02:43,091
Hey, there,
lucky lady.
53
00:02:43,092 --> 00:02:45,244
Hey, honey. I was thinking
for our anniversary,
54
00:02:45,245 --> 00:02:47,129
we should go to Chez Henri.
55
00:02:47,130 --> 00:02:50,166
It's this really romantic
French restaurant.
56
00:02:50,167 --> 00:02:52,200
Or we do a bunch
of Jell-O shots
57
00:02:52,201 --> 00:02:54,637
and bowl drunk.
58
00:02:54,638 --> 00:02:57,372
We did that
for my birthday.
59
00:02:59,092 --> 00:03:01,177
Come on, baby.
Do it for me.
60
00:03:01,178 --> 00:03:02,193
All right. okay.
61
00:03:02,194 --> 00:03:04,095
All right. All right.
Oh, great. Thank you.
62
00:03:04,096 --> 00:03:05,163
Okay.
63
00:03:05,164 --> 00:03:07,183
Eww.
64
00:03:07,184 --> 00:03:09,602
What is that smell?
65
00:03:09,603 --> 00:03:10,552
Oh, I was
at the mall today,
66
00:03:10,553 --> 00:03:12,487
and I treated myself
to a new cologne.
67
00:03:12,488 --> 00:03:16,192
Fredrico DeMali.
68
00:03:16,193 --> 00:03:17,926
Gotta be honest
with you, honey.
69
00:03:17,927 --> 00:03:20,830
That one's rough.
70
00:03:20,831 --> 00:03:22,448
No, no. You just
gotta get in there.
71
00:03:22,449 --> 00:03:23,749
Yeah, I was in there, okay?
72
00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:26,785
Now, Midnight Steel. Now,
that's your scent, honey.
73
00:03:26,786 --> 00:03:28,287
All right,
for our anniversary,
74
00:03:28,288 --> 00:03:30,389
I think you should wear
the blue suit.
75
00:03:30,390 --> 00:03:31,390
The brown one's nice,
76
00:03:31,391 --> 00:03:34,159
but it still has
grass stains on it.
77
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:35,711
How did you do that again?
78
00:03:35,712 --> 00:03:37,345
Okay, you know what?
For the last time,
79
00:03:37,346 --> 00:03:40,816
I was at that funeral,
and a softball game broke out.
80
00:03:40,817 --> 00:03:42,868
It happens.
All right.
81
00:03:48,974 --> 00:03:50,609
What are you doing, hon?
82
00:03:50,610 --> 00:03:51,826
I want you to get
the full effect.
83
00:03:51,827 --> 00:03:54,596
Just let it mix
with my body chemistry.
84
00:03:56,783 --> 00:03:59,168
And I already told you
that cologne:
85
00:03:59,169 --> 00:04:00,602
swing and a miss.
86
00:04:01,888 --> 00:04:03,539
That's not what
other people say.
87
00:04:03,540 --> 00:04:04,657
What other people?
88
00:04:04,658 --> 00:04:06,308
Oh, Deacon and Danny, and,
89
00:04:06,309 --> 00:04:08,577
oh, well, this girl at the mall
said I smelled yummy.
90
00:04:08,578 --> 00:04:09,744
Well, I don't care
91
00:04:09,745 --> 00:04:12,081
what some skank
at the mall thinks, okay?
92
00:04:12,082 --> 00:04:14,866
You don't wear cologne
for other women.
93
00:04:14,867 --> 00:04:17,035
You wear it for me.
That's why I have you wear
94
00:04:17,036 --> 00:04:19,305
Midnight Steel,
because I like it.
95
00:04:19,306 --> 00:04:21,306
All right, so take
the cologne back to the mall
96
00:04:21,307 --> 00:04:24,043
and get your money back.
Okay, babe? Thanks.
97
00:04:28,814 --> 00:04:30,081
Ah, Spencer.
98
00:04:30,082 --> 00:04:32,651
Oh, Arthur. What did you
want me to come down here for?
99
00:04:32,652 --> 00:04:34,019
You said you want me
to pay you back,
100
00:04:34,020 --> 00:04:35,437
so I'm paying you back.
101
00:04:35,438 --> 00:04:36,655
Where's my money?
102
00:04:36,656 --> 00:04:37,789
I'm not paying you in money.
103
00:04:37,790 --> 00:04:39,124
That's crass.
104
00:04:39,125 --> 00:04:41,493
I'm paying you with
the magical bliss
105
00:04:41,494 --> 00:04:43,779
that is American cinema.
106
00:04:43,780 --> 00:04:45,364
Arthur, I'd rather
have my money.
107
00:04:45,365 --> 00:04:46,799
Well, I'd rather be
drinking mai tais
108
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,201
with the Lennon Sisters,
but that ain't gonna happen.
109
00:04:49,202 --> 00:04:50,536
Now follow me.
110
00:04:50,537 --> 00:04:52,471
Wait, Arthur, the entrance
is right here.
111
00:04:52,472 --> 00:04:54,138
That's
the sucker's way in.
112
00:04:56,609 --> 00:04:59,344
Arthur,
I'm not doing this.
113
00:04:59,345 --> 00:05:00,646
It's illegal.
It's stealing.
114
00:05:00,647 --> 00:05:01,947
It's not stealing.
115
00:05:01,948 --> 00:05:04,315
They build this into the price,
like shoplifting.
116
00:05:04,316 --> 00:05:05,383
What if we get caught?
117
00:05:05,384 --> 00:05:07,318
Oh, sprout some figs,
will you?
118
00:05:08,054 --> 00:05:09,438
Let's do it.
119
00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:10,955
Okay, as soon
as the usher's gone,
120
00:05:10,956 --> 00:05:12,156
we'll grab our seats.
121
00:05:12,157 --> 00:05:14,125
So there's no confusion,
I'm an aisle man.
122
00:05:14,126 --> 00:05:15,527
Yeah, whatever.
123
00:05:17,162 --> 00:05:18,830
Okay, let's do it.
124
00:05:24,704 --> 00:05:26,071
Hey.
125
00:05:26,072 --> 00:05:27,172
What's up, Crime Dawg?
126
00:05:28,708 --> 00:05:30,376
How come you never
do that for me?
127
00:05:30,377 --> 00:05:32,510
Huh?
You know, nicknames.
128
00:05:32,511 --> 00:05:36,147
Crime Dawg, Doug Town,
D- Unit.
129
00:05:36,148 --> 00:05:37,583
How come you never
do it for me?
130
00:05:37,584 --> 00:05:38,917
What do you
wanna be called?
131
00:05:38,918 --> 00:05:40,602
Well, I'm not supposed
to come up with it.
132
00:05:40,603 --> 00:05:42,254
You're supposed to
come up with it.
133
00:05:42,255 --> 00:05:43,839
I don't wanna
come up with it.
134
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:45,273
Well, why not?
You do it for him.
135
00:05:45,274 --> 00:05:47,509
Just come up with
a nickname for me.
136
00:05:47,510 --> 00:05:49,995
How about Whiny Beyotch?
137
00:05:51,364 --> 00:05:53,932
Thank you.
138
00:05:53,933 --> 00:05:54,983
Here's your hot wings.
139
00:05:54,984 --> 00:05:57,386
Oh. Cool.
140
00:05:57,387 --> 00:05:58,654
Hm.
Hey, what happened
141
00:05:58,655 --> 00:06:01,023
to that great cologne
you had on yesterday?
142
00:06:01,024 --> 00:06:03,008
Oh, I, uh,
decided not to wear it today.
143
00:06:03,009 --> 00:06:06,245
I went back to my old
Midnight Steel.
144
00:06:06,246 --> 00:06:08,513
Oh, yeah.
My dad wears that.
145
00:06:10,650 --> 00:06:12,251
You're not wearing
the DeMali anymore?
146
00:06:12,252 --> 00:06:14,169
No. You know what?
Carrie didn't like it.
147
00:06:14,170 --> 00:06:16,338
Well, if the scent's
up for grabs, I'll take it.
148
00:06:16,339 --> 00:06:17,823
It's all yours, man.
Enjoy.
149
00:06:17,824 --> 00:06:19,024
Ha. Boy,
150
00:06:19,025 --> 00:06:20,826
when I was married
we had our own troubles,
151
00:06:20,827 --> 00:06:24,380
but my wife never
told me how to smell.
152
00:06:24,381 --> 00:06:27,049
No, she was too busy
taking "naps" with the gardener.
153
00:06:28,334 --> 00:06:30,785
She wasn't taking "naps" with
the gardener, all right?
154
00:06:30,786 --> 00:06:34,089
She was taking "naps"
with the landscaper.
155
00:06:34,090 --> 00:06:36,058
The gardener was the lookout.
156
00:06:36,059 --> 00:06:39,928
Anyway, I'm sorry
Carrie banned DeMali from you,
157
00:06:39,929 --> 00:06:42,764
but, hey,
your loss is my gain.
158
00:06:42,765 --> 00:06:44,233
And he wasn't
just a landscaper.
159
00:06:44,234 --> 00:06:45,734
He was also
a licensed contractor.
160
00:06:45,735 --> 00:06:47,035
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
161
00:06:47,036 --> 00:06:48,503
Whoa, whoa,
back it up here.
162
00:06:48,504 --> 00:06:51,623
She doesn't ban me from things,
okay? I decide.
163
00:06:51,624 --> 00:06:53,558
Okay, so one day,
you woke up
164
00:06:53,559 --> 00:06:55,861
and decided to throw out
your PlayStation?
165
00:06:56,913 --> 00:06:58,847
No, that was Carrie,
but she was right.
166
00:06:58,848 --> 00:07:01,884
I was headed for some serious
thumb trouble.
167
00:07:01,885 --> 00:07:03,552
Oh. Well, how about
the football pool,
168
00:07:03,553 --> 00:07:06,722
the go-cart, and your,
uh, red cowboy boots?
169
00:07:08,257 --> 00:07:10,509
I loved those boots.
170
00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:12,227
And you loved
your mustache.
171
00:07:12,228 --> 00:07:17,149
Yeah.
172
00:07:17,150 --> 00:07:18,450
Oh, my God.
Little by little,
173
00:07:18,451 --> 00:07:20,619
she's been
taking over my world.
174
00:07:20,620 --> 00:07:22,020
It's not really
little by little.
175
00:07:22,021 --> 00:07:25,074
It's more like
big, decisive chunks.
176
00:07:25,075 --> 00:07:27,575
How long have you guys
known this was going on?
177
00:07:27,576 --> 00:07:28,911
I guess it's been about,
uh,
178
00:07:28,912 --> 00:07:31,363
10 years this Friday.
179
00:07:31,364 --> 00:07:33,382
Well, let me tell you both
something. Okay?
180
00:07:33,383 --> 00:07:35,250
It ends here.
I'm sorry, man,
181
00:07:35,251 --> 00:07:36,702
but I'm taking
my scent back.
182
00:07:36,703 --> 00:07:40,422
And I'm going home right now
to take my life back.
183
00:07:40,423 --> 00:07:42,457
Right after
I finish my wings.
184
00:07:48,414 --> 00:07:50,883
You and I have to have
a little talk.
185
00:07:50,884 --> 00:07:52,784
Yes, we do, Doug.
Do you know what I found
186
00:07:52,785 --> 00:07:55,486
in your pants pocket
in the hamper today?
187
00:07:55,487 --> 00:07:57,155
The car insurance
payment
188
00:07:57,156 --> 00:07:59,725
that I asked you
to mail three weeks ago.
189
00:07:59,726 --> 00:08:01,459
Now, tomorrow at work,
I'm gonna have to
190
00:08:01,460 --> 00:08:03,896
spend my entire
lunch hour on the phone
191
00:08:03,897 --> 00:08:06,782
with the insurance company
to straighten this out.
192
00:08:06,783 --> 00:08:09,418
I will mail out all the bills
from now on. Okay?
193
00:08:09,419 --> 00:08:11,120
As a matter of fact,
don't touch the mail
194
00:08:11,121 --> 00:08:12,421
at all ever. Okay?
195
00:08:15,624 --> 00:08:18,893
You can run,
but you cannot hide.
196
00:08:25,301 --> 00:08:26,752
All right,
I'm headed out,
197
00:08:26,753 --> 00:08:29,520
and I will pick up your suit
from the dry cleaners, okay?
198
00:08:29,521 --> 00:08:31,523
Mm. Wow, great.
Sounds like I'm gonna be
199
00:08:31,524 --> 00:08:33,558
the sharpest-dressed guy
at Chez Henri.
200
00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:35,177
You know,
in my weight class.
201
00:08:35,178 --> 00:08:37,645
All right, I'm late.
I gotta go. Love you.
202
00:10:07,736 --> 00:10:10,053
Man, I can't believe you
stood up to Carrie like that.
203
00:10:10,054 --> 00:10:11,539
I didn't think
you had it in you.
204
00:10:11,540 --> 00:10:15,075
Oh, I got it in me
and on me.
205
00:10:15,076 --> 00:10:18,412
I am DeMali-licious.
206
00:10:18,413 --> 00:10:20,214
So she wasn't even mad?
207
00:10:20,215 --> 00:10:21,531
I didn't give her
a chance to get mad.
208
00:10:21,532 --> 00:10:23,000
I said, "I'm wearing
the cologne,
209
00:10:23,001 --> 00:10:25,419
and deal with it, woman. "
210
00:10:25,420 --> 00:10:27,270
So, what's next?
211
00:10:27,271 --> 00:10:29,256
You gonna bring back
those red cowboy boots?
212
00:10:29,257 --> 00:10:31,575
Hey, I want 'em back,
they're back.
213
00:10:31,576 --> 00:10:33,594
My feet, my rules.
214
00:10:33,595 --> 00:10:34,511
Here you go.
215
00:10:34,512 --> 00:10:37,080
Mm, mm.
These wings smell good.
216
00:10:37,081 --> 00:10:39,483
Not half as good as you.
217
00:10:39,484 --> 00:10:42,202
Well, in about two minutes,
I'm gonna smell like both.
218
00:10:51,763 --> 00:10:53,764
What's the usher doing?
219
00:10:53,765 --> 00:10:56,834
He's groping an old lady.
220
00:10:56,835 --> 00:11:00,103
No.
He's helping her to a seat.
221
00:11:01,806 --> 00:11:03,974
So is this
instead of paying me
222
00:11:03,975 --> 00:11:06,293
the money you borrowed?
223
00:11:06,294 --> 00:11:09,129
He takes the price
of the ticket off of your tab.
224
00:11:09,130 --> 00:11:11,882
Oh, no, no. Arthur, I'm low
on rent. I need cash.
225
00:11:11,883 --> 00:11:13,550
Well, bring
your landlord down,
226
00:11:13,551 --> 00:11:16,103
and you can pay off
your rent in movies.
227
00:11:16,104 --> 00:11:18,839
No. He won't take
anything but cash.
228
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,674
Trust me.
229
00:11:59,681 --> 00:12:03,066
That usher keeps
staring at us.
230
00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:04,667
He's staring at you
because your head
231
00:12:04,668 --> 00:12:05,868
is shaped
like a pineapple.
232
00:12:05,869 --> 00:12:09,139
My-
233
00:12:09,140 --> 00:12:11,441
My head is not shaped
like a pineapple.
234
00:12:11,442 --> 00:12:13,577
If anything, it's shaped
like a honeydew.
235
00:12:13,578 --> 00:12:15,029
Oh, you wish.
236
00:12:15,030 --> 00:12:17,364
I'm gonna go to the concession
stand and get some candy.
237
00:12:17,365 --> 00:12:21,785
No need. A. Spooner
is open for business.
238
00:12:21,786 --> 00:12:23,686
You expect me
to buy candy from you?
239
00:12:23,687 --> 00:12:24,988
No,
you don't actually buy it.
240
00:12:24,989 --> 00:12:26,589
He just knocks the price
off your tab.
241
00:12:26,590 --> 00:12:28,558
Milk Duds, please.
242
00:12:30,344 --> 00:12:33,013
Excuse me.
Evening, my good sir.
243
00:12:33,014 --> 00:12:34,798
How goes the ushering?
244
00:12:34,799 --> 00:12:36,533
Fine.
Listen, I don't recall
245
00:12:36,534 --> 00:12:37,968
seeing you three come in.
246
00:12:37,969 --> 00:12:40,220
We like to keep
a low profile.
247
00:12:40,221 --> 00:12:42,405
We're celebrities.
248
00:12:43,808 --> 00:12:45,575
Enjoy the show.
249
00:13:00,575 --> 00:13:01,909
Hey, babe.
250
00:13:01,910 --> 00:13:04,011
Hey.
251
00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:11,168
Wow. That's a nice pen
over here.
252
00:13:11,169 --> 00:13:13,253
Oh, yeah? Yeah, real nice. I like it.
253
00:13:13,254 --> 00:13:14,722
Well, good.
You can keep it.
254
00:13:14,723 --> 00:13:16,373
Cool.
255
00:13:27,018 --> 00:13:29,085
Hey, babe,
why don't you come over here
256
00:13:29,086 --> 00:13:31,855
and read the sports section?
257
00:13:31,856 --> 00:13:34,158
Sounds good.
Just, uh,
258
00:13:34,159 --> 00:13:37,577
gonna grab a snack first.
Just getting a snack.
259
00:13:44,902 --> 00:13:47,103
Mm. So good.
260
00:14:24,391 --> 00:14:25,826
Oh, Doug?
261
00:14:25,827 --> 00:14:27,277
Yeah?
262
00:14:27,278 --> 00:14:30,464
Don't forget to rub some
peanut butter on your wrists.
263
00:14:35,170 --> 00:14:38,422
I like peanut butter.
264
00:14:38,423 --> 00:14:40,874
I can't believe you.
265
00:14:40,875 --> 00:14:43,443
Sneaking around,
wearing the cologne
266
00:14:43,444 --> 00:14:46,180
that I specifically
asked you not to wear.
267
00:14:46,181 --> 00:14:47,864
I only wore it
when you wouldn't be around,
268
00:14:47,865 --> 00:14:49,632
and then when I came home,
I washed it off,
269
00:14:49,633 --> 00:14:51,268
and I put on
the stuff you liked.
270
00:14:51,269 --> 00:14:52,936
I mean,
it never affected you.
271
00:14:52,937 --> 00:14:55,272
Oh, I see.
So if I went out
272
00:14:55,273 --> 00:14:56,707
and had an affair,
that'd be okay,
273
00:14:56,708 --> 00:14:59,610
as long as
I washed afterwards?
274
00:14:59,611 --> 00:15:03,280
Absolutely. I assumed you've
been doing that for years.
275
00:15:03,281 --> 00:15:04,631
Doug,
this is not funny.
276
00:15:04,632 --> 00:15:06,450
Oh, come on.
277
00:15:06,451 --> 00:15:09,686
I know you want me to feel bad
about this, but I don't.
278
00:15:09,687 --> 00:15:11,655
Okay, you control every aspect
of my life,
279
00:15:11,656 --> 00:15:12,873
and I'm sick of it.
280
00:15:12,874 --> 00:15:14,758
What? That's ridiculous.
281
00:15:14,759 --> 00:15:17,661
No, it isn't, Carrie.
You tell me what to wear,
282
00:15:17,662 --> 00:15:20,864
uh, what I can eat,
what presents to get for you,
283
00:15:20,865 --> 00:15:22,049
even what I say.
284
00:15:22,050 --> 00:15:23,800
That is not true.
Oh, no?
285
00:15:23,801 --> 00:15:26,069
Then why aren't I allowed
to say the expression,
286
00:15:26,070 --> 00:15:29,006
"for all intensive
purposes," hm?
287
00:15:30,992 --> 00:15:35,312
Because it's "intents
and purposes," moron.
288
00:15:35,313 --> 00:15:37,147
Look, Doug, come-
289
00:15:37,148 --> 00:15:38,381
Honey, listen to me.
290
00:15:38,382 --> 00:15:40,901
I know you like
the cologne,
291
00:15:40,902 --> 00:15:43,236
but I asked you not to wear it
out of respect for me,
292
00:15:43,237 --> 00:15:46,123
because that's what
respect.
293
00:15:46,124 --> 00:15:47,640
I'm the one
who has to sacrifice.
294
00:15:47,641 --> 00:15:48,992
That's what it feels like.
295
00:15:48,993 --> 00:15:50,143
That's not true.
296
00:15:50,144 --> 00:15:52,212
How about when we first met?
Huh?
297
00:15:52,213 --> 00:15:55,382
I had a certain look
that men found attractive.
298
00:15:55,383 --> 00:15:57,133
Slutty?
299
00:15:58,435 --> 00:16:01,672
That was the look, yes.
300
00:16:01,673 --> 00:16:03,907
Point is, you told me
it made you insecure,
301
00:16:03,908 --> 00:16:05,092
so I gave it up.
302
00:16:05,093 --> 00:16:06,159
You should've given it up.
303
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:07,794
You looked like
a Van Halen groupie.
304
00:16:07,795 --> 00:16:09,596
And you used
so much hair spray,
305
00:16:09,597 --> 00:16:11,631
we couldn't light a match
for a week. It was like-
306
00:16:14,435 --> 00:16:18,021
The point is, Doug,
I stopped for you.
307
00:16:18,022 --> 00:16:20,774
You know what? I like this
cologne, and I'm taking a stand.
308
00:16:20,775 --> 00:16:22,609
Oh, this is where
you're gonna take a stand,
309
00:16:22,610 --> 00:16:24,528
on how you smell?
310
00:16:24,529 --> 00:16:27,364
How about taking a stand on
securing our financial future,
311
00:16:27,365 --> 00:16:30,617
or finally getting healthy
so you can live past 40?
312
00:16:30,618 --> 00:16:33,670
Nah,
sticking with smell.
313
00:16:33,671 --> 00:16:35,672
Okay, you know what, Doug?
You're right.
314
00:16:35,673 --> 00:16:37,374
We shouldn't
control each other.
315
00:16:37,375 --> 00:16:39,810
You know, tomorrow night
is our 10th anniversary,
316
00:16:39,811 --> 00:16:42,545
and I am going to have
dinner at Chez Henri,
317
00:16:42,546 --> 00:16:44,131
and you don't
even need to show up.
318
00:16:44,132 --> 00:16:45,882
Oh. Oh, believe me,
I'm showing up.
319
00:16:45,883 --> 00:16:48,451
Five of those 10 years
are mine.
320
00:16:49,921 --> 00:16:52,589
And you know what?
For all intensive purposes,
321
00:16:52,590 --> 00:16:54,257
this conversation,
she's over.
322
00:16:55,610 --> 00:16:56,843
Hey. Hey!
Ahh!
323
00:16:56,844 --> 00:16:58,445
Aah!
324
00:17:05,069 --> 00:17:08,372
Um, I'll take
the Sour Patch Kids.
325
00:17:08,373 --> 00:17:10,540
Okay, cross $4
off my tab, please.
326
00:17:10,541 --> 00:17:12,141
Yesterday these were $3.
327
00:17:12,142 --> 00:17:16,679
All right, fine.
Four dollars. Gosh.
328
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:18,581
Okay, they're dimming
the lights.
329
00:17:18,582 --> 00:17:22,419
Usher's making
his last pass through.
330
00:17:37,986 --> 00:17:41,154
Well, well, well.
What have we here?
331
00:17:41,155 --> 00:17:42,906
They made me do it.
He made us do it.
332
00:17:42,907 --> 00:17:44,908
I just wanted
my rent money.
333
00:17:44,909 --> 00:17:47,778
Let me ask you,
what tipped you off?
334
00:17:47,779 --> 00:17:49,112
I smelled that cologne.
335
00:17:49,113 --> 00:17:50,447
Oh, good going,
Arthur.
336
00:17:50,448 --> 00:17:52,515
It smells good.
What is that?
337
00:17:58,188 --> 00:17:59,823
If I scored you a bottle,
338
00:17:59,824 --> 00:18:02,124
would you let me
skate on this one?
339
00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:18,942
Good evening, sir.
340
00:18:18,943 --> 00:18:21,561
Hi. Heffernan,
party of two.
341
00:18:21,562 --> 00:18:23,529
Mm-hm.
My wife's coming from work,
342
00:18:23,530 --> 00:18:25,449
so she'll be here
in a couple minutes.
343
00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:26,649
Right this way.
344
00:18:29,153 --> 00:18:30,553
I see you
noticing the boots.
345
00:18:30,554 --> 00:18:31,822
Heh, heh. Yes.
346
00:18:31,823 --> 00:18:34,591
Yeah. It's gonna make
a little statement,
347
00:18:34,592 --> 00:18:37,577
you know?
Show the wife who's boss.
348
00:18:37,578 --> 00:18:40,096
How delightful.
Yes.
349
00:18:47,004 --> 00:18:49,039
Okay.
350
00:18:50,140 --> 00:18:52,843
Ahem. Thank you.
Yes.
351
00:18:54,178 --> 00:18:55,929
You look nice.
352
00:18:55,930 --> 00:18:58,398
Yeah, you know what?
I feel nice.
353
00:18:58,399 --> 00:19:01,351
Kind of takes me back
to when we first met.
354
00:19:01,352 --> 00:19:03,269
Right. It's like
a stroll down memory lane.
355
00:19:03,270 --> 00:19:04,354
Yeah-
356
00:19:06,490 --> 00:19:09,993
Oh.
I see you found them.
357
00:19:09,994 --> 00:19:11,995
Yes, I did.
358
00:19:11,996 --> 00:19:14,664
By the way, there's
a dead squirrel in the attic.
359
00:19:14,665 --> 00:19:17,484
Good to know.
360
00:19:17,485 --> 00:19:18,752
Oh, you know what?
361
00:19:18,753 --> 00:19:21,288
I feel like I'm losing
a little height here.
362
00:19:21,289 --> 00:19:25,008
Ahem. I'll just go ahead
and fix that right now.
363
00:19:25,877 --> 00:19:27,677
Carrie, don't you do that.
364
00:19:27,678 --> 00:19:28,995
I will do it.
365
00:19:28,996 --> 00:19:33,383
And don't you control me,
Doug. Heh.
366
00:19:33,384 --> 00:19:34,734
Okay. You want
to play it that way?
367
00:19:34,735 --> 00:19:36,186
Yeah.
You know what?
368
00:19:36,187 --> 00:19:41,057
Feeling a little low
on DeMali.
369
00:19:41,058 --> 00:19:42,892
Don't be ridiculous.
Oh, is that ridiculous?
370
00:19:42,893 --> 00:19:45,511
Yeah.
Mm-mm-mm-mm. Mm.
371
00:19:45,512 --> 00:19:47,330
Oh, really? Okay.
372
00:19:47,331 --> 00:19:49,116
Oh, please.
Please don't do this.
373
00:19:49,117 --> 00:19:50,383
I'll do it.
Stop yourself.
374
00:19:50,384 --> 00:19:52,018
Yeah, look at that, huh?
375
00:19:52,019 --> 00:19:54,371
Ooh, your menu's stinky.
Stop being ridiculous.
376
00:19:54,372 --> 00:19:55,972
Aah! Ow!
377
00:20:00,761 --> 00:20:02,929
Aah.
378
00:20:10,171 --> 00:20:11,555
What are we
doing here, Doug?
379
00:20:11,556 --> 00:20:14,340
I can't see.
380
00:20:16,644 --> 00:20:18,995
Honey, look,
381
00:20:18,996 --> 00:20:21,764
I'm sorry if I
come off controlling,
382
00:20:21,765 --> 00:20:23,133
it's just because
I love you,
383
00:20:23,134 --> 00:20:24,801
and I just want
what's best for you.
384
00:20:27,355 --> 00:20:29,489
I love you too.
I'm sorry, Car.
385
00:20:30,708 --> 00:20:32,007
How about this?
386
00:20:33,660 --> 00:20:37,197
If I go back
to my old cologne,
387
00:20:37,198 --> 00:20:39,115
can I get
my PlayStation back?
388
00:20:39,116 --> 00:20:40,867
Will the boots
go back in the attic?
389
00:20:40,868 --> 00:20:42,619
Soon as you
get rid of the squirrel.
390
00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:44,287
Deal.
391
00:20:44,288 --> 00:20:45,956
Okay.
392
00:20:45,957 --> 00:20:47,257
Happy anniversary.
393
00:20:47,258 --> 00:20:49,809
Happy anniversary.
I love you.
394
00:20:49,810 --> 00:20:51,711
Let's just
have a nice meal.
395
00:20:51,712 --> 00:20:53,413
Okay.
396
00:20:53,414 --> 00:20:55,481
I'm afraid I'm going
to have to ask you to leave.
397
00:20:55,482 --> 00:20:57,417
Yeah, saw it coming. Okay. Okay.
398
00:20:57,418 --> 00:21:00,253
All right. Sorry about that. Yeah.
399
00:21:03,924 --> 00:21:05,642
Ah.
400
00:21:05,643 --> 00:21:06,843
Here you go, sir.
401
00:21:06,844 --> 00:21:08,745
I'll take that
when you're ready.
402
00:21:12,450 --> 00:21:15,619
So have you
enjoyed your dinner?
403
00:21:15,620 --> 00:21:17,237
Oh, it was fabulous,
Arthur.
404
00:21:17,238 --> 00:21:18,438
Best meal I ever had.
405
00:21:18,439 --> 00:21:20,340
It's the least I can do
after letting you two
406
00:21:20,341 --> 00:21:22,075
take the fall
at the movie theater.
407
00:21:22,076 --> 00:21:23,827
Well, this more
than makes up for it.
408
00:21:23,828 --> 00:21:25,629
As far as I'm concerned,
we are even.
409
00:21:25,630 --> 00:21:27,097
Yeah,
your slate is clean.
410
00:21:27,098 --> 00:21:28,832
Good.
411
00:21:29,917 --> 00:21:31,868
Now every man for himself.
29284
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