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1
00:00:33,965 --> 00:00:35,548
Hey.
2
00:00:35,549 --> 00:00:37,851
Hey, what's up, man?
Hey, you guys remember Steve,
3
00:00:37,852 --> 00:00:39,603
the guy I worked with
at the pizzeria?
4
00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:40,887
No.
No.
5
00:00:40,888 --> 00:00:43,106
Remember how he moved
to Vegas a couple years ago?
6
00:00:43,107 --> 00:00:44,708
Yes, Danny.
I don't remember Steve,
7
00:00:44,709 --> 00:00:47,894
but I have a very clear memory
of where he moved.
8
00:00:47,895 --> 00:00:49,279
Well, the guy's
a real big shot now
9
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:52,232
and he works for a hotel that
looks like something in Europe.
10
00:00:52,233 --> 00:00:55,035
Uh, a pyramid, I think.
11
00:00:55,036 --> 00:00:56,403
And?
12
00:00:56,404 --> 00:00:59,906
And he still has his classic
corvette garaged here in Queens.
13
00:00:59,907 --> 00:01:02,575
He said if I drive it
out to Vegas for him,
14
00:01:02,576 --> 00:01:05,295
he'll hook us up.
Free hotel, free food.
15
00:01:05,296 --> 00:01:06,746
Are you serious?
Yes, yes!
16
00:01:06,747 --> 00:01:09,582
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
17
00:01:09,583 --> 00:01:11,318
Is this for real, or is this
just another one
18
00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:14,337
of your desperate ploys
to be liked?
19
00:01:14,338 --> 00:01:16,506
No, this one's
totally legit.
20
00:01:16,507 --> 00:01:19,242
Wait a minute. We don't have
to act as drug mules, do we?
21
00:01:19,243 --> 00:01:21,744
I mean, I'll do it.
I just need prep time.
22
00:01:21,745 --> 00:01:23,897
No, no, no.
This is no strings attached.
23
00:01:23,898 --> 00:01:25,349
I pick up the car
on Tuesday,
24
00:01:25,350 --> 00:01:26,383
I drive it out there.
25
00:01:26,384 --> 00:01:28,351
You guys fly out and meet me.
26
00:01:28,352 --> 00:01:29,569
Who's in?
27
00:01:29,570 --> 00:01:30,654
I'm in.
I'm in.
28
00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:32,772
Well, let's just say
I'm all in.
29
00:01:32,773 --> 00:01:34,107
I just gotta
run it by Kelly.
30
00:01:37,611 --> 00:01:38,912
Don't you have
to ask Carrie?
31
00:01:38,913 --> 00:01:41,414
Actually, yeah, I do.
32
00:01:41,415 --> 00:01:43,066
I don't have to ask anyone
permission.
33
00:01:43,067 --> 00:01:44,868
That's why I'm single.
34
00:01:44,869 --> 00:01:47,337
Yeah, that's why.
35
00:01:47,338 --> 00:01:49,005
Are you sure you can
get this by Carrie?
36
00:01:49,006 --> 00:01:51,908
I mean, she wouldn't even let
you buy those walkie-talkies.
37
00:01:51,909 --> 00:01:53,159
Hey, that's not over,
38
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:55,729
and, yeah, I can handle Carrie
when I need to.
39
00:01:55,730 --> 00:01:58,248
You know what? I gotta pick
her up at her salon at 5.
40
00:01:58,249 --> 00:01:59,549
I'll just say somethin' like,
41
00:01:59,550 --> 00:02:01,284
"Carrie, have I told you
42
00:02:01,285 --> 00:02:03,987
you look even more beautiful
than the day I met you?"
43
00:02:03,988 --> 00:02:05,421
She'll melt like butter,
44
00:02:05,422 --> 00:02:08,692
and then it's hello,
angry drunken gambling.
45
00:02:08,693 --> 00:02:10,944
Yes!
46
00:02:10,945 --> 00:02:13,096
Carrie,
have I told you
47
00:02:13,097 --> 00:02:16,199
you look even more beautiful
than the day I met you?
48
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,767
What's that?
49
00:02:17,768 --> 00:02:20,403
You want me to go to Vegas
for the weekend?
50
00:02:20,404 --> 00:02:22,972
Okay.
51
00:02:24,458 --> 00:02:27,294
Double-stuffed apple pie.
52
00:02:27,295 --> 00:02:30,113
I heard they were working
on something like that.
53
00:02:40,274 --> 00:02:43,093
Yes, I'd like to try
your new double-stuffed
54
00:02:43,094 --> 00:02:44,361
fudge-covered apple pie.
55
00:02:44,362 --> 00:02:46,763
Will that be all?
56
00:02:46,764 --> 00:02:48,464
You know, as long
as you got the grill on,
57
00:02:48,465 --> 00:02:51,818
I'll take a double whammer
with cheese.
58
00:03:06,884 --> 00:03:08,919
Come on.
59
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:13,123
Okay. Yeah, yeah, napkins.
Okay, yeah.
60
00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:21,731
Uh, could we hurry
this up, please?
61
00:03:21,732 --> 00:03:23,400
I- I really need
to get going.
62
00:03:23,401 --> 00:03:24,333
Oh, the pie's
not ready.
63
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:25,434
They have to heat the fudge
64
00:03:25,435 --> 00:03:27,103
because it's too thick to pour.
65
00:03:28,439 --> 00:03:30,674
Too thick to...
66
00:03:30,675 --> 00:03:32,442
I'll wait.
67
00:03:52,279 --> 00:03:54,313
Hey. How's it going?
68
00:03:55,950 --> 00:03:58,418
Where the hell
have you been?
69
00:03:58,419 --> 00:04:00,554
There was a huge accident
way back.
70
00:04:00,555 --> 00:04:01,855
Like, three tractor trailers
71
00:04:01,856 --> 00:04:04,424
hit another tractor trailer.
It was, like, jackknifed,
72
00:04:04,425 --> 00:04:07,110
and there were, like,
people lined up for miles.
73
00:04:07,111 --> 00:04:09,245
And they, uh- The cops came
and it was a whole-
74
00:04:09,246 --> 00:04:10,830
They gotta put in
a light over there.
75
00:04:12,049 --> 00:04:13,450
What?
76
00:04:13,451 --> 00:04:16,853
Is that fudge
on your face?
77
00:04:21,859 --> 00:04:24,227
How the hell
did that get there?
78
00:04:24,228 --> 00:04:26,562
Did you stop for fudge?
79
00:04:27,832 --> 00:04:30,066
Have I told you
you're more beautiful
80
00:04:30,067 --> 00:04:31,968
than the day I met you?
81
00:04:36,257 --> 00:04:39,092
I can't believe you screwed up
our whole Vegas plan
82
00:04:39,093 --> 00:04:41,011
for fudge.
83
00:04:41,012 --> 00:04:44,197
Again, it was too thick
84
00:04:44,198 --> 00:04:46,416
to pour.
85
00:04:48,585 --> 00:04:50,519
I just bought a very expensive
neck pillow
86
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:54,157
and now I have nowhere to fly.
Thanks a lot.
87
00:04:54,158 --> 00:04:55,541
Look, we can sit
around here all day
88
00:04:55,542 --> 00:04:57,576
trying to decide
who's at fault, okay?
89
00:04:57,577 --> 00:04:58,945
But I say we work
on a solution.
90
00:04:58,946 --> 00:05:00,897
The solution was not to hit
the drive-through
91
00:05:00,898 --> 00:05:02,866
and leave your wife
in the rain.
92
00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:05,518
Yeah? Tell it
to the belly, okay?
93
00:05:05,519 --> 00:05:07,621
Look, it's not that bad.
I didn't even ask her yet.
94
00:05:07,622 --> 00:05:10,790
I just gotta figure a way
to get back on her good side,
95
00:05:10,791 --> 00:05:14,044
build up enough credit so she
forgets the whole rain thing.
96
00:05:14,045 --> 00:05:15,245
No, man, that just
gets you even.
97
00:05:15,246 --> 00:05:17,830
You gotta earn extra credit
to get us to Vegas.
98
00:05:17,831 --> 00:05:20,250
You know,
you might be right.
99
00:05:20,251 --> 00:05:22,785
Gosh, I need something huge.
100
00:05:22,786 --> 00:05:25,855
You know, something nice,
thoughtful.
101
00:05:25,856 --> 00:05:27,290
Something sensitive.
102
00:05:27,291 --> 00:05:29,125
Something almost gay.
103
00:05:31,028 --> 00:05:33,396
What do you got?
104
00:05:33,397 --> 00:05:35,265
Well,
105
00:05:36,567 --> 00:05:39,185
you could take her
to a wellness spa.
106
00:05:39,186 --> 00:05:41,771
That sounds pretty gay.
107
00:05:41,772 --> 00:05:43,373
What is it?
108
00:05:43,374 --> 00:05:44,874
It's a place where they
rejuvenate you
109
00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:47,343
spiritually and physically.
I went to one in the Poconos.
110
00:05:47,344 --> 00:05:49,012
They have a great
couples package.
111
00:05:49,013 --> 00:05:49,913
Couples?
112
00:05:49,914 --> 00:05:52,182
Well, not only couples
in a sense
113
00:05:52,183 --> 00:05:53,583
of two married
or dating people.
114
00:05:53,584 --> 00:05:55,585
It could be a couple
of friends, or uh-
115
00:05:55,586 --> 00:05:57,754
Son and his mother.
116
00:05:57,755 --> 00:05:59,822
We had separate beds.
117
00:05:59,823 --> 00:06:02,158
That sounds like something
Carrie would love
118
00:06:02,159 --> 00:06:03,927
and it would get you
the credit you need.
119
00:06:03,928 --> 00:06:06,462
Yeah, it's just the whole idea
of wellness.
120
00:06:06,463 --> 00:06:07,730
It just sounds wrong.
121
00:06:07,731 --> 00:06:09,432
Ah. Hey, don't worry about it.
122
00:06:09,433 --> 00:06:12,702
The wellness will bounce off you
like bullets off Superman.
123
00:06:12,703 --> 00:06:15,654
You know what? You're right.
Three days at a wellness center
124
00:06:15,655 --> 00:06:18,391
can't put a dent in me.
125
00:06:18,392 --> 00:06:21,311
I use bacon
as a condiment.
126
00:06:29,268 --> 00:06:30,935
Hey, Arthur.
Is Doug here?
127
00:06:30,936 --> 00:06:33,053
No. He and Carrie
left for the weekend.
128
00:06:33,054 --> 00:06:35,273
Oh, that's right. I was gonna
ask him something
129
00:06:35,274 --> 00:06:37,408
about our Vegas trip.
130
00:06:37,409 --> 00:06:39,977
You're going to Vegas?
Las Vegas?
131
00:06:39,978 --> 00:06:41,245
Yeah.
132
00:06:41,246 --> 00:06:43,081
I got a foolproof
card-counting system
133
00:06:43,082 --> 00:06:44,481
to beat the house
at blackjack.
134
00:06:44,482 --> 00:06:45,917
Works every time.
135
00:06:47,035 --> 00:06:48,969
If you've got this
winning system,
136
00:06:48,970 --> 00:06:51,773
why do you still live
in Doug's basement?
137
00:06:51,774 --> 00:06:55,443
Why haven't you paid me back
the $37 you owe me?
138
00:06:55,444 --> 00:06:57,712
You want
your filthy money, fine.
139
00:06:57,713 --> 00:07:02,017
Let's settle this thing
once and for all.
140
00:07:03,519 --> 00:07:05,553
You wanna learn
the system or not?
141
00:07:05,554 --> 00:07:06,888
Yeah.
142
00:07:06,889 --> 00:07:09,073
The fee is $37.
143
00:07:15,447 --> 00:07:17,548
And this will be your living
space for the weekend
144
00:07:17,549 --> 00:07:19,016
and you don't need a key.
145
00:07:19,017 --> 00:07:21,753
Here at the Zen Wellness Center,
we don't believe in locks.
146
00:07:21,754 --> 00:07:23,520
Oh. Maybe you should,
147
00:07:23,521 --> 00:07:25,289
'cause it looks like
you've been robbed.
148
00:07:29,045 --> 00:07:30,745
I gotta tell ya,
I ain't hatin' this.
149
00:07:31,914 --> 00:07:34,466
So, uh, is the TV
in the other room,
150
00:07:34,467 --> 00:07:37,585
or does it pop out
of something?
151
00:07:37,586 --> 00:07:38,903
There's no TV.
152
00:07:38,904 --> 00:07:40,605
We believe that
TV is the gateway
153
00:07:40,606 --> 00:07:43,858
to negative thoughts
and sadness.
154
00:07:43,859 --> 00:07:47,228
Not if you have
the football package.
155
00:07:47,229 --> 00:07:48,996
Honey. You're gonna
love the bathroom.
156
00:07:48,997 --> 00:07:51,566
They have a tub you can land
a plane in.
157
00:07:51,567 --> 00:07:53,084
Ah. That sound like
a lot of fun.
158
00:08:02,027 --> 00:08:04,094
So is the,
uh, TV in the bar?
159
00:08:05,247 --> 00:08:07,081
We don't have a bar.
160
00:08:07,082 --> 00:08:10,752
I need to speak
to your supervisor.
161
00:08:10,753 --> 00:08:13,438
Well, here's a list
of our treatment options.
162
00:08:13,439 --> 00:08:15,340
Have a wonderful stay.
163
00:08:15,341 --> 00:08:17,775
Okay.
164
00:08:17,776 --> 00:08:18,960
Okay, honey,
165
00:08:18,961 --> 00:08:21,896
to avoid a repeat of
the honeymoon incident,
166
00:08:21,897 --> 00:08:24,432
the second thing in there
is not a toilet.
167
00:08:25,901 --> 00:08:27,802
It's a bidet.
168
00:08:27,803 --> 00:08:29,236
Okay, thanks
for the heads-up.
169
00:08:29,237 --> 00:08:31,472
You're gonna love this place.
Look at this.
170
00:08:31,473 --> 00:08:33,925
Aroma therapy,
shiatsu massage,
171
00:08:33,926 --> 00:08:35,660
and to bring it
all home,
172
00:08:35,661 --> 00:08:37,845
colon irrigation.
173
00:08:39,415 --> 00:08:40,631
How great
is this place, huh?
174
00:08:40,632 --> 00:08:42,049
No, it's great.
It's pretty great.
175
00:08:42,050 --> 00:08:44,335
Just one question, though.
What's goin' on?
176
00:08:45,154 --> 00:08:46,570
What do you mean?
177
00:08:46,571 --> 00:08:48,723
Well, the whole taking me away
to a spa for a weekend
178
00:08:48,724 --> 00:08:50,091
doesn't really sync up
179
00:08:50,092 --> 00:08:52,927
with the rest
of our marriage.
180
00:08:52,928 --> 00:08:55,112
What, a husband can't do
something nice for his wife
181
00:08:55,113 --> 00:08:56,130
just to do it?
182
00:08:56,131 --> 00:08:57,582
Well, somethin's goin' on.
Oh.
183
00:08:57,583 --> 00:08:59,117
I see.
Something's got to be going on
184
00:08:59,118 --> 00:09:01,185
for me to do something nice?
Is that how it works?
185
00:09:01,186 --> 00:09:04,305
Something's gotta be going on.
186
00:09:04,306 --> 00:09:06,658
Look, Doug, I didn't mean it
that way, okay?
187
00:09:06,659 --> 00:09:08,492
It's just, I'm surprised,
that's all.
188
00:09:08,493 --> 00:09:10,345
Well, did it ever occur to you
that I'm trying
189
00:09:10,346 --> 00:09:13,314
to be a better man?
190
00:09:15,317 --> 00:09:17,602
A new and improved
Doug, huh?
191
00:09:17,603 --> 00:09:19,487
You know what?
Just forget it.
192
00:09:19,488 --> 00:09:21,405
Look, honey,
I just thought-
193
00:09:21,406 --> 00:09:24,242
Yeah, it's pretty clear
what you thought.
194
00:09:25,594 --> 00:09:28,178
Doug, I'm sorry, honey.
195
00:09:28,179 --> 00:09:30,648
This was a very sweet thing
for you to do
196
00:09:30,649 --> 00:09:32,483
and I love the new
and improved Doug.
197
00:09:32,484 --> 00:09:34,619
Just trying to make you happy.
And I am happy. I am.
198
00:09:34,620 --> 00:09:36,254
That's what
a relationship's about,
199
00:09:36,255 --> 00:09:38,173
making each other happy, yeah?
Yes.
200
00:09:38,174 --> 00:09:39,507
If something that made me happy,
201
00:09:39,508 --> 00:09:41,092
I'm sure you'd want me
to do it.
202
00:09:41,093 --> 00:09:43,561
Of course, I would.
Of course, you would.
203
00:09:44,830 --> 00:09:47,665
These are the moments,
honey, we gotta remember.
204
00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:58,776
The cards you wanna count are
the tens, jacks, queens, kings.
205
00:09:58,777 --> 00:10:00,444
Okay, I got that.
So you can communicate
206
00:10:00,445 --> 00:10:02,813
without arousing suspicion,
each card has a nickname.
207
00:10:02,814 --> 00:10:04,415
Say hello
to Alfred Lord Tennyson,
208
00:10:04,416 --> 00:10:05,749
Johnny Switchblade,
209
00:10:05,750 --> 00:10:08,786
Mississippi Mabel,
and The Farmer in the Dell.
210
00:10:08,787 --> 00:10:12,540
Aren't there shorter names
that make sense?
211
00:10:12,541 --> 00:10:13,891
This is the system.
212
00:10:13,892 --> 00:10:16,693
Why can't you be
more like Rain Man?
213
00:10:18,247 --> 00:10:21,015
Oh- Okay, those-
Those names are fine.
214
00:10:21,016 --> 00:10:24,285
Now, sometimes your eyes
can give you away.
215
00:10:24,286 --> 00:10:28,089
So I want you
to wear these.
216
00:10:37,399 --> 00:10:38,683
Why are you wearing
gym stuff?
217
00:10:38,684 --> 00:10:41,486
They told me to when I signed up
for the men's package.
218
00:10:41,487 --> 00:10:43,854
Oh, I signed up for
the relaxation package.
219
00:10:43,855 --> 00:10:45,240
What's the difference?
220
00:10:45,241 --> 00:10:46,473
Aagh!
Breathe, breathe,
221
00:10:46,474 --> 00:10:47,541
Find your center.
222
00:10:47,542 --> 00:10:50,078
I can't feel my center.
223
00:10:50,079 --> 00:10:51,728
Mmm.
224
00:10:53,865 --> 00:10:55,316
Oh, come-
225
00:10:55,317 --> 00:10:56,417
Oh, come on.
226
00:10:56,418 --> 00:10:59,554
Reach back and grab your heel.
227
00:11:02,258 --> 00:11:03,741
Okay, and seven more.
228
00:11:03,742 --> 00:11:06,144
Six, and five, and four,
and three-
229
00:11:06,145 --> 00:11:07,478
You can do two more!
Come-
230
00:11:40,562 --> 00:11:42,513
This better be good.
231
00:11:42,514 --> 00:11:44,933
Hey, Doug, it's me.
How's the spa thing going?
232
00:11:44,934 --> 00:11:47,885
It's brutal.
They're killing me here.
233
00:11:47,886 --> 00:11:49,220
Come on.
It can't be that bad.
234
00:11:49,221 --> 00:11:51,755
Tomorrow, I'm scheduled for them
to pour coffee
235
00:11:51,756 --> 00:11:54,425
into a part of my body
where it doesn't belong.
236
00:11:56,228 --> 00:11:58,329
I'm telling you, man,
I'm out of here.
237
00:11:58,330 --> 00:12:00,464
But Danny's already driving.
238
00:12:00,465 --> 00:12:01,932
You have to stick it out...
239
00:12:01,933 --> 00:12:04,001
for Vegas.
240
00:12:05,304 --> 00:12:06,621
I can't do it.
241
00:12:06,622 --> 00:12:07,855
You can.
Now come on, man.
242
00:12:07,856 --> 00:12:11,326
Gambling, buffets,
free drinks.
243
00:12:11,327 --> 00:12:12,493
I just can't do it.
244
00:12:12,494 --> 00:12:14,395
You know what I heard
just opened up?
245
00:12:14,396 --> 00:12:17,298
A topless doughnut shop.
246
00:12:24,506 --> 00:12:27,041
A topless doughnut shop?
247
00:12:27,042 --> 00:12:29,877
Do they make 'em fresh?
248
00:12:29,878 --> 00:12:32,146
Every hour.
249
00:12:35,550 --> 00:12:37,852
All right.
I'm back in...
250
00:12:37,853 --> 00:12:39,854
for Vegas.
251
00:12:51,983 --> 00:12:53,868
May I take your car, sir?
Oh, hey.
252
00:12:53,869 --> 00:12:55,753
Uh, yeah.
That'd be great.
253
00:13:24,381 --> 00:13:25,831
How could you
possibly think
254
00:13:25,832 --> 00:13:29,936
there'd be valet parking
at a diner in Kutztown, Ohio?
255
00:13:29,937 --> 00:13:31,671
I have never been
to Ohio.
256
00:13:31,672 --> 00:13:34,941
I don't know
the local customs.
257
00:13:34,942 --> 00:13:36,292
I got all this credit
with Carrie
258
00:13:36,293 --> 00:13:38,277
and nothin' to use it on.
259
00:13:38,278 --> 00:13:40,162
Why don't you just save it
and put it in the bank
260
00:13:40,163 --> 00:13:41,797
and use it
for another thing?
261
00:13:41,798 --> 00:13:43,566
You can't put
wife credit in the bank.
262
00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:45,634
Why not?
It's like a piece of fish.
263
00:13:45,635 --> 00:13:48,755
As soon as you get it,
it starts going bad.
264
00:13:48,756 --> 00:13:51,924
He's right.
With each passing minute,
265
00:13:51,925 --> 00:13:54,127
Carrie's forgetting
all about that spa.
266
00:13:54,128 --> 00:13:56,829
I gotta use that credit quick
or it's gonna be gone.
267
00:13:56,830 --> 00:13:59,698
What do I wanna do?
What could be fun?
268
00:13:59,699 --> 00:14:01,534
Help me find something fun.
269
00:14:01,535 --> 00:14:03,285
Well, come on, look.
Um...
270
00:14:03,286 --> 00:14:05,087
Oh, hey,
the Lipizzaner Stallions
271
00:14:05,088 --> 00:14:07,774
are coming
to the equestrian center.
272
00:14:07,775 --> 00:14:10,926
Great. You and Mommy
can have a good time.
273
00:14:14,314 --> 00:14:16,432
What?
Ah. "Garfield. "
274
00:14:17,501 --> 00:14:18,934
Hey, hey,
how about this?
275
00:14:18,935 --> 00:14:22,104
Tony Orlando's doing a show
right here in Queens.
276
00:14:25,075 --> 00:14:29,128
I'm just saying
the man had a lot of hits.
277
00:14:29,129 --> 00:14:32,331
Still. Keep looking.
278
00:14:39,573 --> 00:14:40,673
Phew.
279
00:14:40,674 --> 00:14:42,508
Arthur, what are we doing here?
280
00:14:42,509 --> 00:14:45,594
I thought you said we were gonna
go see the Lipizzaner Stallions.
281
00:14:45,595 --> 00:14:47,012
We clean out this place,
you can buy
282
00:14:47,013 --> 00:14:49,515
all the high-steppin'
horses you want.
283
00:14:49,516 --> 00:14:51,450
This casino night
is for charity.
284
00:14:51,451 --> 00:14:52,518
It doesn't feel right.
285
00:14:52,519 --> 00:14:54,152
Look, you blew
your shot at Vegas,
286
00:14:54,153 --> 00:14:56,839
but that doesn't mean all our
hard work should go to waste.
287
00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,625
Now, let's light
this candle.
288
00:15:04,297 --> 00:15:06,899
I read three books
by Alfred Lord Tennyson.
289
00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:08,367
In one of them,
Mississippi Mabel
290
00:15:08,368 --> 00:15:11,136
and The Farmer in the Dell
had a double date.
291
00:15:12,372 --> 00:15:13,505
Hit me.
292
00:15:16,260 --> 00:15:18,494
Twenty-one.
Another winner.
293
00:15:20,848 --> 00:15:22,682
Spence Olchin,
is that you?
294
00:15:22,683 --> 00:15:25,434
Oh, Father Sheehan, hi.
295
00:15:25,435 --> 00:15:28,721
Why don't you take a break?
I'll deal for a while.
296
00:15:28,722 --> 00:15:31,224
Haven't seen you in confession
in a while, Spence.
297
00:15:31,225 --> 00:15:34,093
Uh, I've been
doing it online.
298
00:15:35,361 --> 00:15:37,029
Ah. Blackjack.
299
00:15:37,030 --> 00:15:38,030
Ha-ha! Yeah, yeah!
300
00:15:38,031 --> 00:15:40,116
And the rich get richer.
301
00:16:00,137 --> 00:16:01,804
Oh, God, I can't
take it anymore!
302
00:16:01,805 --> 00:16:04,090
I- I've been cheating.
I've been counting cards.
303
00:16:04,091 --> 00:16:07,559
Here, take my chips.
Please forgive me, Father.
304
00:16:11,899 --> 00:16:13,766
Well, it appears
this seat is open.
305
00:16:15,969 --> 00:16:19,739
I'm gonna need
a line of credit.
306
00:16:22,075 --> 00:16:23,375
Kelly's lettin' you go?
307
00:16:23,376 --> 00:16:25,343
All right. Well,
it's gonna be awesome, Deac.
308
00:16:26,496 --> 00:16:28,364
I'm home.
Yeah, you know what?
309
00:16:28,365 --> 00:16:29,932
Carrie's here.
Uh, I'll call you back
310
00:16:29,933 --> 00:16:31,867
as soon as I get
the thumbs up.
311
00:16:31,868 --> 00:16:34,787
Hey, there's
my special little gal.
312
00:16:34,788 --> 00:16:36,872
That was Deac on the phone.
Oh, I had the worst day.
313
00:16:36,873 --> 00:16:39,592
He just happened- Yeah.
Where's our aspirin?
314
00:16:39,593 --> 00:16:41,160
Oh, good. Here it is.
315
00:16:41,161 --> 00:16:42,194
What happened?
316
00:16:42,195 --> 00:16:43,629
Ah, work was a nightmare,
317
00:16:43,630 --> 00:16:45,298
and on the way home,
the subway stalled
318
00:16:45,299 --> 00:16:46,799
and I was wedged up
against some guy
319
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,801
who was morally
opposed to showering.
320
00:16:49,953 --> 00:16:53,189
So I just feel
pretty crappy.
321
00:16:53,190 --> 00:16:55,040
Well, I don't want you
to feel crappy.
322
00:16:55,041 --> 00:16:56,341
I want you to feel good.
323
00:16:56,342 --> 00:16:58,744
You know, like you felt
when I took you to that spa.
324
00:16:58,745 --> 00:17:01,213
Huh? Oh, right, that.
Compared to the day I had today,
325
00:17:01,214 --> 00:17:03,816
the spa feels like
that was 1000 years ago.
326
00:17:03,817 --> 00:17:06,435
Yeah, but it wasn't.
327
00:17:06,436 --> 00:17:08,437
It was just
this past weekend.
328
00:17:08,438 --> 00:17:10,105
Hey, I got an idea.
329
00:17:10,106 --> 00:17:11,473
Why don't we get you
back to that
330
00:17:11,474 --> 00:17:14,994
relaxed spa frame
of mind right now?
331
00:17:14,995 --> 00:17:16,929
No, honey, I just wanna
go upstairs and get the smell
332
00:17:16,930 --> 00:17:18,748
of unwashed hippie
out of my nose, okay?
333
00:17:18,749 --> 00:17:20,733
Come on. I'll just
give you a quick little massage
334
00:17:20,734 --> 00:17:22,367
here on the couch.
It'll be nice.
335
00:17:22,368 --> 00:17:23,468
Oh, okay.
336
00:17:23,469 --> 00:17:25,938
Yeah, sit right down.
337
00:17:25,939 --> 00:17:27,039
Thank you, honey.
338
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,207
There you go.
339
00:17:29,208 --> 00:17:30,208
Okay.
340
00:17:30,209 --> 00:17:32,277
Oh, how does
that feel, huh?
341
00:17:32,278 --> 00:17:33,646
Feels good.
Good.
342
00:17:33,647 --> 00:17:34,813
This is really sweet of you.
343
00:17:34,814 --> 00:17:36,515
No problem.
You know what?
344
00:17:36,516 --> 00:17:38,550
I got another
surprise for you.
345
00:17:38,551 --> 00:17:41,820
You remember that
Sounds of the Ocean CD,
346
00:17:41,821 --> 00:17:43,956
the relaxation one
they had at the spa?
347
00:17:43,957 --> 00:17:45,190
Oh, you got it?
348
00:17:45,191 --> 00:17:47,459
Nope.
349
00:17:47,460 --> 00:17:49,662
But I don't need it.
350
00:18:24,814 --> 00:18:26,065
What the hell was that?
351
00:18:26,066 --> 00:18:27,750
It's-
It's a beach cat.
352
00:18:27,751 --> 00:18:29,618
That's right.
It's a beach cat. Relax.
353
00:18:29,619 --> 00:18:31,386
It feels good, doesn't it?
Yeah. Honey,
354
00:18:31,387 --> 00:18:33,622
I gotta tell you, you've been
really sweet lately.
355
00:18:33,623 --> 00:18:35,023
I like the new
and improved Doug.
356
00:18:35,024 --> 00:18:36,592
Well, you know what?
You deserve it.
357
00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:39,345
Yeah? Well, how about
you come upstairs
358
00:18:39,346 --> 00:18:41,780
and I show you the new
and improved Carrie?
359
00:18:41,781 --> 00:18:43,748
Oh. All right.
360
00:18:43,749 --> 00:18:45,817
Wow.
361
00:18:45,818 --> 00:18:48,053
And, uh, how about tonight
we play
362
00:18:48,054 --> 00:18:51,890
"High Society Lady
and Sweaty Cabana Boy?"
363
00:18:54,243 --> 00:18:57,880
Really? But you said
what cabana boy wanna do
364
00:18:57,881 --> 00:19:00,766
no es bueno.
365
00:19:00,767 --> 00:19:03,001
Well, since you did
the spa thing for me,
366
00:19:03,002 --> 00:19:05,804
I think I can
do this for you.
367
00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:09,275
Since I did the spa thing.
368
00:19:11,027 --> 00:19:12,294
No, wait!
369
00:19:14,447 --> 00:19:17,049
I believe I asked
for a margarita
370
00:19:17,050 --> 00:19:21,087
and a fresh towel an hour ago,
Pepe. Where are they?
371
00:19:22,339 --> 00:19:25,207
I just don't think we should
do this right now, Carrie.
372
00:19:25,208 --> 00:19:26,892
Okay, my name is not Carrie.
373
00:19:26,893 --> 00:19:29,962
It's Penelope Van Smythe.
374
00:19:29,963 --> 00:19:31,413
Now,
375
00:19:31,414 --> 00:19:33,649
get on the lounge chair,
376
00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:36,151
you filthy cabana boy.
377
00:19:36,152 --> 00:19:37,770
Look, I just-
You know what it is?
378
00:19:37,771 --> 00:19:39,621
I pulled a hammy on
the way up the stairs.
379
00:19:39,622 --> 00:19:42,007
Okay, okay, I get it. I get it.
Come on, take a rain check.
380
00:19:42,008 --> 00:19:43,526
You're puttin' up a fight.
381
00:19:43,527 --> 00:19:45,010
Now, you stay
on this lounge chair,
382
00:19:45,011 --> 00:19:47,079
or I will have you fired, Pepe.
Okay. You know-
383
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:48,713
I don't wanna do this.
Stop it. I-
384
00:19:48,714 --> 00:19:49,949
Stop it!
What's the matter?
385
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:51,817
I don't wanna do it!
Why?
386
00:19:51,818 --> 00:19:54,219
I don't wanna waste
my credit on sex!
387
00:19:54,937 --> 00:19:57,123
What?
388
00:19:57,124 --> 00:19:58,824
The credit I get for taking you
to the spa.
389
00:19:58,825 --> 00:20:00,859
I wanna use it to go
to the Indian Casino
390
00:20:00,860 --> 00:20:04,063
to watch the Ultimate Fighting
Championship this weekend.
391
00:20:05,515 --> 00:20:09,134
Okay, let me see if I understand
this correctly.
392
00:20:09,135 --> 00:20:11,236
You only took me to the spa
393
00:20:11,237 --> 00:20:13,272
because you wanted
a credit
394
00:20:13,273 --> 00:20:15,307
which you don't wanna waste
395
00:20:15,308 --> 00:20:17,676
by having sex with me?
396
00:20:20,697 --> 00:20:22,598
It sounds bad when you lay it
out like that.
397
00:20:22,599 --> 00:20:24,749
Oh, my God, Doug!
I can't believe you!
398
00:20:24,750 --> 00:20:26,518
There's no new
and improved Doug.
399
00:20:26,519 --> 00:20:29,772
It's just the same old
selfish, lying Doug.
400
00:20:29,773 --> 00:20:33,025
I like to refer to it
as "Doug Classic. "
401
00:20:33,026 --> 00:20:35,660
Look, it doesn't matter
why I took you to the spa.
402
00:20:35,661 --> 00:20:37,062
The point is,
you had a good time,
403
00:20:37,063 --> 00:20:39,114
and I should
get credit for that.
404
00:20:39,115 --> 00:20:42,918
Oh. Okay. Not only do you not
get any credit for the spa,
405
00:20:42,919 --> 00:20:45,521
but you just forfeited
any possible credit
406
00:20:45,522 --> 00:20:49,375
for years to come
for you and Pepe.
407
00:20:49,376 --> 00:20:53,144
But I went through hell.
They put coffee in me!
408
00:20:54,697 --> 00:20:59,051
And I hope
it was piping hot.
409
00:20:59,052 --> 00:21:01,303
I deserve somethin'.
410
00:21:05,709 --> 00:21:08,510
The man does have
a lot of hits.
411
00:21:15,451 --> 00:21:17,570
Hey!
412
00:21:17,571 --> 00:21:19,955
Blackjack.
You win again.
413
00:21:19,956 --> 00:21:22,490
Well, looks like
you've cleaned us out.
414
00:21:22,491 --> 00:21:25,694
I guess the orphans will have
to spend the summer in the city.
415
00:21:37,507 --> 00:21:39,608
I'll take this in cash,
please.
30199
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