Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

BUGS: Hold still, Esther.

I just gotta get some new shoes on ya.

(NEIGHS, NICKERS)

- What do ya think? -(NEIGHS APPROVINGLY)

Good. 'Cause we gotta make sure

we're all set for our special assignment today.

As Marshal of this here territory,

we need to safely escort a special passenger to Tombstone Falls.

Somebody named Archibald St. Reginald, I think.

MOLE RAT: Actually, it's Reginald St. Archibald.

Naked mole rat, raconteur and connoisseur of all things toast.

Did you say "toast"?

That's right. I'm a toaster oven salesman.

I've got a few hundred in that there cart.

- And you're a naked mole rat? - Yeah.

But I dress business casual. Anyhoo, can I interest you in a fine toaster oven?

Nah, I'm good. Uh, we should get going.

Come on, Esther. Time to get a move on.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You get off there.

You drove last time.

SAM: Ooh, look at that stagecoach.

It's just screaming, "Rob me, Yosemite Sam."

(LAUGHTER)

What are you doing?

We're pretending to be tumbleweed.

Whee!

Oh, knock it off and get on your horses.

We gotta rob that stagecoach.

A coach with a stage on it?

We was on a stage once.

"Romeo, Oh, Romeo,

"wherefore art thou Romeo?"

"I am under your balcony,

"waiting to give you a big ol' smooch."

Oh, cut it out, you nitwits.

There ain't no plays on a stagecoach.

Now, mount up and let's get 'em.

Oh, no! Those guys are trying to rob us.

Are you sure? They could be chasing us

because they heard about the low, low prices on these toaster ovens.

Hey, Curt, look.

There's a pond up yonder.

I wanna go skinny dipping.

(BOTH LAUGHING AND CHEERING)

Ugh! Not again!

Ooh, I gotta do everything myself.

All right, rabbit. Reach for the sky.

How about reaching for an industrial-strength toaster oven?

With its quick meals, it's perfect for the criminal on the go.

Reg, stay inside the coach. It's my job to keep you safe.

Wait! What's the warranty on this thing?

Whoa!

(GROANING)

-(MECHANICAL THUD) - What the...

(CACKLES) It's me, evil inventor Dr. Elmer Fudd.

Behold my latest invention,

my special stagecoach-snatching hot air balloon.

Not on my watch.

Stay inside, Reg!

(EXCLAIMING)

Instead of grabbing the stagecoach,

how about grabbing a super-duper deluxe toaster oven.

It's great for English muffins, eggs Benedict,

and drying a wet pair of long underwear.

Long underwear?

Ugh! Gross.

Darn it. I always lose 'em with that "long underwear" line.

Sit back, Reg, and leave this to me.

- Now I've got you. -(CLANG)

-(GROWLING) - Oh, no!

-(ELMER YELLING) -(BOTH GROANING)

I guess Dr. Fudd just couldn't "bear" to bring us in. (CHUCKLES)

How about, he came to a "grizzly" end?

Wait, wait. I got it. It looks like he threw in the "growl".

-(SNAPPING) - Yikes!

(SNAPPING)

It is I, the mad trapper, Blacque Jacque Shellacque.

And I have set many, many, many

giant mad traps to rob the stagecoach.

You know what's a trap, a regular toaster.

Because you're trapped into making only toast.

A toaster oven gives you an infinite number of food options.

You can make cranberry muffins, nut-crusted rainbow trout,

Moroccan pork kebabs...

You can even toast a bagel with the cream cheese already on it.

-(SNAPPING) -(BOTH EXCLAIM)

(ESTHER STRAINING)

(GROANING)

Oh, no, we're stuck.

You're never stuck with a toaster oven.

The options are limitless.

Will you stop talking about toaster ovens?

What? You can't ask me to stop talking about toaster ovens.

That's like asking a fish not to swim, or a cow not to moo,

or a teacher to stop assigning unnecessary homework.

- It's just not right. -(GRUNTING) Got it.

All right, now let's get out of this place.

Giddyap, Mary. Or Penny.

I don't know this horse's name. Hiyah!

Hey, wait for me.

Okay, Reg, I finally got you to Tombstone Falls safe and sound.

Yeah. This is the place. You know it used to be called Dirt Nap Falls.

Ironically, they had zero fatalities.

So what are you gonna do in Tombstone Falls, Mr. Archibald?

I'm gonna blow it up with some dynamite,

so I can build a giant toaster oven factory.

Well, that's great. Good luck with th... Wait, what?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Hold on. Let me flip over my ominous music rec.

That's right. I'm gonna blow up...

(POLKA MUSIC PLAYING)

Well, would you look at that? The B side was polka music.

It's pretty catchy, but not what I'm going for right now.

Ah, well, I guess I'll do it in acapella.

(CLEARS THROAT) That's right.

I'm gonna blow up Tombstone Falls.

Pum-Pum-Pa...

- You get the idea. -(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

BUGS: You can't just blow up Tombstone Falls

and build a toaster oven factory.

Hey, what's that over there?

Ha! I made you look. (LAUGHING)

I can't believe you fell for that.

That never works! (CONTINUES LAUGHING)

- Oh, boy! - All right, I'm taking you in.

- No, you're not. - And why not?

'Cause while you were distracted,

I tied your leg to the horse.

Betsy. Callie. Whatever.

- Hiyah! -(NEIGHING)

Whoa, Esther! Whoa! Whoa!

I said, "Whoa!" (GROANS)

What part of "whoa" don't you understand?

(NICKERS)

-(ALL GROWLING) - Uh-oh.

(ALL GRUNTING)

We have captured our nemesis Marshal Bugs Bunny.

Yeah, and we caught our rival too.

Those words mean the same thing.

That's funny. They sound different.

And now, fellas, I know we've had our differences.

Differences? You blew me up with dynamite.

Why, you shoved a bee hive in my gun, and I got stung all over.

You tricked me into putting on tiny underpants that squeeze and chafe me so.

But you got bigger problems,

because there's a crazy toaster salesman

who's gonna blow up Tombstone Falls.

(ALL GASP)

What a dastardly, fiendish, evil plan.

I really wish I had thought of it.

Yeah. I'm jealous.

But wait. He can't destroy Tombstone Falls.

It has all the best banks to rob.

And if Tombstone Falls is blown up,

we gotta done do all our robbing on the other side of the hill.

Eh, not to worry, boys. I got a plan.

Gather around. (WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)

♪ I'm gonna blow up Tombstone Falls pronto

♪ Sit on a mat And press this button

♪ Then start making Toaster ovens

♪ I'm gonna blow up Tombstone Falls pronto ♪

Time to turn Tombstone Falls into a Boom Town. (CHUCKLES)

You see what I did there?

Hello. (CLEARS THROAT)

(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Hello.

I am just a lonely pioneer lady

passing through town, and I need your help.

- You're a lady? - Do you have a problem with that?

No, no, it's just, you have a mustache.

Aah! This is just the latest style.

All the ladies are growing this now.

Well, I can't help you right now, mustache lady.

- I've got a town to blow up. - It is too bad.

Because you see, I have all this bread

and nothing to toast it with.

Did you say you need bread toasted?

Today's your lucky day.

Now, tell me, what's it gonna take to get your bread

into one of these spectacular toaster ovens?

Quick, let's grab the dynamite and load it into the wagon.

Now I can see you're a woman of taste.

I couldn't see you with anything less than a Bun Burner 5000.

(GRUNTS) Look at all this dynamite.

Once we save Tombstone Falls,

I'm gonna come back here and use it to rob the bank.

No way. I'm gonna use it to rob the jewelry store.

- Bank! - Jewelry store!

- Bank! - Guys!

Before you rob the town, you've gotta save the town.

Hey! I found an old piece of bacon in my pocket.

Let's heat it up with this here candle, and have it for a snack.

If you want it crispy, you put it on the second rack.

But if you want it extra crispy,

you also put it on the second rack.

(EXPLOSION)

Let me guess, wigs are the new trend now too?

Au revoir.

You're also bilingual?

- He's on to us. Run! -(ELMER GRUNTS)

Come back here with my dynamite!

We did it, guys. We got the dynamite.

Now we can rob that bank.

- Jewelry store! - Bank!

Jewelry store!

(ALL SCREAM)

(ALL GRUNTING)

Did I just get hit by a piece of toast?

That's right. It's toast, and so are you.

(ALL GRUNTING)

- Can we get something to eat? -(GUNSHOTS)

-(BOTH GRUNT) -(MUNCHING)

Nobody can resist my impeccably-cooked toast.

Now, you have any last words?

Yeah. I think your toast is mediocre.

What did you say?

'Cause I'm having a little trouble hearing.

I said your toast is mediocre!

No one insults my toast!

(GRUNTING)

(GULPS, SMACKS LIPS)

Average.

Then how about we turn up the heat with a ghost pepper pizza.

No! My toaster ovens are gone!

(CRYING) My beautiful toaster ovens.

It looks like your toast just got burned.

Well, guys, that was fun.

We should team up and catch bad guys more often.

Yeah. We should.

Yeah. Count me in.

Totally.

You're all going off to rob the bank, aren't ya?

ELMER: Jewelry store!

Before you go, would you like a snack

from this toaster oven I just made?

I'm good. (WHISTLES)

All right, gentlemen. Get ready to be brought to justice.

Let's get 'em, Esther.

(NEIGHING)

Oh! Esther!

Mmm!

That's all folks.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)