Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

This is it, the Forest 500.

A 500-mile Formula One car race through the entire forest.

And I think I got the car to win it this year.

Actually, I think I've got the car to win it.

(ANGRILY) Cecil.

There's no way you'll beat me.

My car is way, way faster than yours.

Are you sure about that?

Really sure.

Really, really sure?

Really, really sure.

Really, really, really sure?

Really, really, really sure.

Really, really, really, really sure?

BUGS: Well, I've never been really, really, really sure about anything before.

That's four reallys.

You gotta be super confident to be that sure.

Wait a minute, why am I thinkin' to myself?

Oh, no! Cecil tricked me into having an internal monologue.

-(ENGINE REVVING) - And he started the race without me!

Nice try, Cecil,

but this ain't gonna end well, Half-Shell.

Time to turbocharge this beast.

-(ENGINE REVVING) - CECIL: Oh, yeah?

Then I'll super-turbo.

(ENGINE REVVING)

BUGS: Overdrive!

-(ENGINE REVVING) - CECIL: Underdrive.

-(TIRES SCREECH) - Hey!

(LAUGHING)

I took low rider to a whole new level. (LAUGHS)

-(DISTANT EXPLOSION) -(YELPS)

Oh, dear.

-(TIRES SCREECH) - How fortuitous. A mechanic.

Boy, have a look at this vehicle right here.

This sure is a fine specimen of automotive excellence.

She's having a few issues.

Maybe the issue is it's being driven by a nincompoop.

- Hey! - I'm just kiddin' ya, partner.

Here, have some beefy jerky.

Now, have a seat in the waiting area.

It was a long operation but the patient survived.

Great. Where is my car?

Right over there.

(SPARKLING)

You turned my car into a tricycle?

Don't you worry, this'll go fast.

It's a 10-speed.

-(CHOKES) - Here, have some more beefy jerky.

(SPITS) What kind of a mechanic are you, anyway?

Oh, I'm not a mechanic, I'm Bugs Bunny.

-(TIRES SCREECH) -(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHS)

Hello, Potato Puds. Don't mind if I do.

(ENGINE REVS)

VOICE OVER INTERCOM: How can I help you?

One dozen Potato Puds, please, and make it snappy, Chappy.

I got a race to win.

10-4, good spuddy.

What dipping sauces would you like?

Uh, I don't really have time for the...

We have ranch, barbeque, honey mustard--

- Fine, I'll just take the-- - Let me finish.

We have honey chipotle, garlic chipotle...

- I get it. Just give me that-- - Let me finish.

We have coconut curry, teriyaki and spicy buffalo.

Okay, teriyaki. I'll take the teriyaki.

We're all out of teriyaki.

Let me start from the beginning.

We have ranch, barbeque--

(YELLING) Just give me the spicy buffalo!

Spicy buffalo comin' right up!

I'm one spicy buffalo.

(BUGS SCREAMS AND GROANS)

Hey, Bugs, looks like your fondness for potatoes has left you mad.

-(LAUGHS) -(GRUNTS)

Not so fast, you rancid reptile.

Uh-oh. Looks like I'm running low on gas.

- I better get to a pit stop. -(ENGINE REVS)

All right, boys. I need four new wheels and a tank of premium unleaded gas and...

Huh?

(HUMMING)

You know what, just give me the gas.

(CLINKING AND SPUTTERING)

(YELLING) Would you pick up the pace? Argh!

Maybe you should try to relax.

Here, have some beefy jerky.

-(CHOKES) - Disgusting, isn't it?

(SPITTING) Big mistake, Cecil.

I'm gonna take that little smile off your face and--

-(CHIRPING) -(GASPS)

- Whoa! -(VULTURES SCREECHING)

We must have accidentally put helium in your tires.

-(LAUGHS) -(TIRES SCREECHING)

-(HISSING) -(LAUGHING)

(SCATTING) Huh?

I'm going to have to shift into turtle-mode.

Turtle-mode, activate.

What the...

Huh?

(SCREAMS)

CECIL: Uh, yup. I'm a robot.

See you at the finish line. (LAUGHS)

(GROANS) What was that?

Guess what, Doc? I have bunny-mode.

(CECIL LAUGHS) Silly bunny.

That plasma cannon? So last year.

You really should upgrade to my photon blaster.

BUGS: Huh!

- Cecil! - Bugs!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(BOTH GROANING)

Well, since you two blew yourselves up,

you're gonna have to be in these wheelchairs for at least six months.

- BUGS: I can't wait that long. - Neither can I.

BUGS: Race you down the hall to the vending machines.

You're on!

(WHEELCHAIRS WHIRRING)

Regardless of who wins, they're both losers.

(BELL RINGS)

MAN: Timmy Times Hot Dogs, take 29.

And action.

(QUACKING)

(CHOMPS)

(QUACKING)

(BURPING)

ELMER: Cut! Cut!

Oh! You need to take a bite out of this hot dog for the commercial.

Take a bite, you mindless mallard.

(GASPS)

Mindless mallard?

Do you not know to whom you are speaking?

I played Demetrius in A Midsummer Night's Dream at the local community theater.

I am walking off this travesty.

You, sir, are a neophyte.

Good day!

- Wait. - I said, "Good day"!

Oh, now where am I gonna get a duck to be in this commercial?

DAFFY: Look out!

(GROANS) What the...

I didn't start that fire, that grandma looked at me funny.

- What? - You've gotta hide me!

OFFICER: Excuse me, sir, did you see a duck come through here?

Handsome, charming, a personality that could sell you anything.

Uh, no, Officer.

I didn't see a duck come through here.

OFFICER: Well, keep an eye out. He's around here somewhere.

Oh, I will, Officer. (CHUCKLES)

Oh, where did that duck go?

Whoo-hoo! Thanks, buddy.

Like I said, that building was flooded when I got there.

Uh, excuse me. How would you like to be the star of my commercial?

I don't know. I'm not sure I wanna sell my soul to hock some product

or business I don't even stand behind.

It pays a lot of money.

- When do I start? - Okay, first things first.

- Let's get to make-up. - Good call.

I'm glad you said something because you look terrible.

I do?

- Oh, yes. -(GROANS)

You're a worst case scenario,

but I'll give you my best shot.

Yeesh! That's no good.

Better.

- Perfect. - Will you knock it off!

I'm not going to be on camera, you are.

Oh, that makes more sense 'cause you've got a face for podcasting.

Just get on the set and let's get started.

Fine by me. Ready when you are.

And action!

You got us surrounded, huh?

Well, no way, coppers. No one takes me alive!

(MIMICKING GUNSHOTS)

(GROANS) They got me, Ma. It's curtains.

They got your baby boy.

Can't go on much longer.

(FARTS)

Cut! What are you doing?

You said "action." I was doing an action movie.

"Action" doesn't mean do action,

"action" means say your lines.

And action!

- Your lines. - No!

I meant you say the lines that were written for you.

Okay. Okay. Got it.

ELMER: And action!

The lines that were written for you.

No! No, no, no!

The script! The lines from the script.

Oh!

ELMER: And action!

I don't know my lines.

(SCREAMING)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Can we get Mr. Duck some cue cards, please?

Okay, just read the lines on the cue cards.

- No problem. - And action!

Um, those words are too small, I can't read it.

Cut!

(WEARILY) Can we have bigger cue cards, please?

You got bigger cue cards. And action!

- Still too small. - Cut!

- How's that? - Still too small.

- How 'bout now? - Nope. Too small.

- Now? - Uh... Too small.

We can't get any bigger cue cards.

Now, can you see the words or not?

I can see them fine, thank you.

Finally! Let's try this again.

And action!

(CLEARS THROAT)

- I can't read. -(GRUNTS)

Okay, we're gonna just feed you your lines.

Ooh, good. 'Cause I'm hungry.

Craft services has been really phoning in today.

No, I mean I'm gonna say a line and you repeat it.

- Great! - Okay, action!

(WHISPERING) "Timmy Times Hot Dogs are the best."

(WHISPERING) Timmy Times Hot Dogs are the best.

Cut! You don't have to whisper the lines.

I whisper the lines. And action!

(WHISPERING) "Timmy Times Hot Dogs are the best."

Timmy Times Hot Dogs are the best.

"Because we really care about you."

You care about me?

(SCREAMS) No! That's your line! Cut!

So you don't care about me?

No! I do care. I mean, not really.

Then shouldn't the line be, "Timmy Times Hot Dogs. We do care."

-"I mean, not really." -(SIGHS)

Let's try a different line.

How about "Timmy Times Hot Dogs. We've got your back."

I don't like it. You've got my back?

What about my front, my top and my bottom?

(GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, stop it!

Cut! Excellent. Great job.

I didn't see this in the script, but I love everything you're doing.

I thought you couldn't read.

No wonder I didn't see it in the script.

I'm the director and you're the actor.

You're supposed to do everything I ask.

I did do everything you asked.

- I did your make-up! -(GROANS)

- I did your action scene! -(GROANS)

I even did your cue cards.

-(GROANS) - Too small! Still too small!

-(GASPS) - Perfect.

The only thing you didn't tell me to do was take a lunch break.

Ooh! Look at that! Snacky snacks.

(SCREAMS)

Man, you should try these taquitos.

I just want you to say, "Timmy Times Hot Dogs are the best."

(GASPS) What did you say?

Timmy Times Hot Dogs are the best.

Oh, well. A paycheck's a paycheck.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)