Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

trying to take down crime boss, Mr. Big.

That handsome fellow there is me,

South Florida police detective,

Cloudy Dorlock.

(SPUTTERING)

(STUTTERING) Any sign for me to leave, Dorlock?

Not yet.

DAFFY: That's Pigs, he's my partner, he's also undercover.

(STUTTERING) I hope he shows up soon,

because it's really hard holding my... (STUTTERING)

(GASPING)

(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

Looks like someone's up to no good.

Today's forecast calls for a Cloudy with a chance of justice.

Police, freeze.

Freeze, drop the bag.

What? I'm just throwing out the garbage.

(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY) Nice try, bub.

But this is clearly someone's lunch.

Now, are you going to come quietly

or do I have to get rough?

I should warn you, I am trained in yoga fighting.

It's a mix of yoga and karate.

Warrior one, warrior two.

(GROANS)

Downward duck.

-(PORKY PIG EXCLAIMING) -(GRUNTING)

I got him (STUTTERS) Dorlock.

Book him, Hammo.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

LIEUTENANT: You are on thin ice, boys.

Not only did you not catch Mr. Big,

you arrested an innocent garbage man.

He may be innocent of stealing lunches,

but he's guilty of waking me up every morning with his truck.

Beep, beep, beep.

(IMITATES GARBAGE TRUCK)

Enough!

I don't have time for your nonsense.

Well, do you have time for my shenanigans?

Woo-hoo, woo-hoo.

(NERVOUSLY) Woo-hoo.

-(SHIVERING) - Man, that is one intense glare.

At the police academy,

I graduated top of my class in intense glaring.

Now, every moment you waste here

is a moment Mr. Big is out

wreaking havoc on this city.

Lieutenant, we'll find Mr. Big, no problem.

(SCOFFS) You couldn't find your way out of a paper bag.

Oh, yeah? Watch this.

All you gotta do is, uh...

Well, this is harder than I thought.

Oh, no, help me, I'm lost in this paper bag.

LIEUTENANT: See?

Now, you listen to me.

I'm giving you two days to find Mr. Big,

and if you don't, I'll find someone else to bring him down.

- You hear me? - Mm-hmm.

Now get out of my office.

Well, what are you waiting for?

If I can't find my way out of a paper bag,

there's no way I'm gonna find my way out of your office.

(GROANS)

I hate to admit it, (STUTTERS) Dorlock,

but I have no clue where to find Mr. Big.

Don't worry, Chuckles, I know a rat within the organization.

Okay, Minnesota, give me two wheels of cheddar

and a baseball mitt.

What's the baseball mitt for?

I like to play with my food.

(LAUGHS) Riot.

Get out of here.

Got any cheese for two famished detectives?

Well, what can I do for you two?

(STUTTERS) We're looking for Mr. Big.

I got nothing to say to you, copper.

Hey, put me down.

We know you're working for him,

just like we know you stole all this cheese.

This cheese isn't stolen,

it fell off the back of a truck

that I stole.

If you don't talk, we're going to eat every piece of cheese

in your shop.

Well, I ain't talking.

Then we start eating.

No, wait, wait, stop.

You can't. Not my cheese wheels.

(GASPS)

(GRUNTING)

- Stop. - Are you ready to rat, Rat?

All right. There's a boat coming in tonight down at the docks.

The boat's name is the SS Sinksalot.

That's where Mr. Big will be.

We have all the information we need.

Let's go, Pigs.

Pigs?

He gave us the information, you can stop eating now.

Here's the ship.

The bad guys must be on board.

Let's go get them.

Wait, they'll be expecting us to come thought the front.

Let's surprise them by climbing up the sides of the ship,

using these high tech suction devices.

Those are just plunger tops.

That's right, we're going to unclog the toilet of justice.

Start climbing.

(GRUNTING)

(PANTS) This is harder than I thought.

(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY) Dorlock.

You gotta get off me, I can't carry us both.

- Yes, you can. -(MUFFLED) No, I can't.

- Can. - Can't.

- Can. - Can't.

- Can. - Can't.

- Can. - Can't.

MR. BIG: I hear you're looking for Mr. Big.

Yeah, and we wanna ask him some questions.

MR. BIG: Well, I have the answers.

Or should I say, "hamsters".

(CACKLING)

Seize them.

Stop chewing on those ropes

and tie up the policemen.

(LAUGHING MANICALLY)

MR. BIG: Well, well, well.

The infamous Dorlock and Pigs.

I thought for a guy named Mr. Big, you'd be...

Uh, you know, big?

Silence, you fools.

Minnesota, thank you kindly for your warning.

My pleasure, Mr. Big.

Minnesota, you sold us out, you filthy pile of garbage.

Actually, I sold you out for a pile of garbage.

I've heard so much about you, Dorlock.

So you've heard about my super cool exploits as a cop.

No, I heard you can't find your way out of a paper bag.

Sheesh, word travels fast.

And now that I trapped you, Dorlock,

I'm going to rob the biggest bank in the city,

and your partner is going to help me.

(STUTTERING) I'll never help you.

Oh, but you will,

after I hypnotize you

with my super cute stare.

(GASPS) Look away, Picardo.

I... I can't, he's too adorable.

You will do everything I say.

I... I will do everything you say.

You will wear skinny jeans,

bow ties,

and put your hair in a man bun.

You turned him into a hipster.

This is the power of the super cute stare.

Goodbye, Mr. Dorlock.

Hamsters and hipster, away.

Well, this is it,

I guess all there is to do

is watch my life flash before my eyes.

She definitely wore it better.

Wait, I didn't finish that magazine.

I'm not ready to die.

Look, Rob, we're going to have duck for your birthday.

Mazel tov, Kevin.

(SCREAMING)

I just remembered, I have a three-day-old Liverwurst sandwich.

(BURPING)

Hey, sharks.

(LAUGHING)

-(SNIFFING) -(BOTH RETCHING)

- Too smelly. - Birthday ruined.

I did it.

Now, how do I get out of this net?

Just one more toothpick.

Lieutenant!

My statue! Phew.

- This is an emergency. - What do you want?

The hamsters have hypnotized Porky and are robbing a bank.

We've got to stop them.

It's go time.

It's dark.

It's so dark.

It's really, really, really dark.

It's gloomy and bleak.

I can't see past my beak.

♪ You're about to run into a... ♪

- Tree! -(SCREAMS)

(WHISTLING)

Hey, Porky, I like your new look,

Although that hipster food is making you look a little lumpy and what not.

I need you to let me into the vault.

Sure thing, Porky.

Much obliged.

I'm being taken down by a bunch of hamsters.

They've got such cute little eyes and noses, and...

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Let's get the money and get out of here.

Don't eat the money, steal the money.

Have no fear,

Dorlock is here, to save the day.

(GROANS) Or not.

How did you know we were coming?

How could we not know?

Dorlock has a musical soundtrack playing wherever he goes.

I keep forgetting to turn that thing off.

Porky, grab the money and let's go.

Porky, look at me.

DORLOCK: (GASPS) The glare.

You are not a criminal.

You are a policeman.

(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY) Huh?

Don't just stand there, let's get moving.

I'm not going anywhere.

And you're going to jail.

He's Porky again.

Which might not be a good thing.

Minions, seize them.

(PORKY GROANS)

(PIGS EXCLAIMING)

(DORLOCK GROANS)

Hey, guys.

Fresh hamster niblets.

You fools, do I have to do everything myself?

No one can fight the power of the cute stare.

Actually, I can,

and your stare can't match the power of my glare.

I don't believe it,

you've defeated my cute stare.

No matter, you'll still never catch me.

(ENGINE STARTING)

(LOUD CRASH)

Got ya.

You're going to jail, Mr. Big.

Well, boys, Mr. Big is no longer a threat to the city.

I guess the solution to this crime

was staring us in the face the whole time.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

-(MUSIC STOPS) - Wait a minute, where'd Mr. Big go?

Uh...

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)