Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(TRADITIONAL JAPANESE MUSIC PLAYING)

You know the best thing about being a carrot farmer in Japan?

You add a little tuna and you've got carrot sushi.

(GRUNTING ANGRILY)

(GULPS)

Who was that?

I am Cal the Samurai.

I am the greatest warrior in all of Japan.

I defeat all who are in my zone.

My Cal zone.

-(HORSE NICKERS) - A-ha!

I will defeat this cart. (GRUNTS)

I will defeat these carrots. (GRUNTS)

And I will defeat this horse.

(GRUNTING)

(WHINNIES)

(LAUGHING)

Hey, you can't come in here and start slicin' and dicin' my stuff.

This is my farm.

Not anymore.

I have defeated you.

Now, get out of here, loser!

(BUGS SCREAMING)

Of course, you know this means war.

(WHISPERS) Samurai war.

Watch as I defeat you, spicy tuna roll.

(LAUGHING AND CHOMPING)

(IMITATING SIREN BLARING)

Hold it right there. Samurai police.

I heard there was a samurai operating without a license.

No. Um, yeah, I have a samurai license right here.

This license expired five years ago.

Uh, what do I do?

Well, I can either write you a ticket or you can go to samurai school.

I will go to samurai school.

(TRADITIONAL JAPANESE MUSIC PLAYING)

Welcome to samurai school,

the school where we teach you all things samurai.

I am Sensei Bugs.

I am going to take you through a series of tests

so that you can get your samurai license back.

I am ready to pass the test. (GROANS)

What was that for?

Your first test. A samurai must be able to defend himself

from a sneak attack at anytime.

But I wasn't ready-- (GROANS)

A real samurai would have sensed I was going to attack him.

In order to sharpen your skills,

you will put on this blindfold while I attack you.

Ouch! Ooh!

Now, let's work on your swordsmanship.

(CAL GRUNTS)

Take these two swords and chop up these onions.

Now, chop up these eggs,

chop this tofu, put oil in this grill,

steam this rice, flip that egg over your head,

make that onion into a little volcano.

Mmm. (CHOMPING)

Congratulations, you passed.

(CAL GROANS)

- Argh! - BUGS: Hey, metal-head!

It is I, Samurai Bugs, prepare to be vanquished.

And you can prepare to be split in half.

Then I will dice you into itty, bitty-- Hey!

Hey, what kind of samurai are you?

A dodgeball samurai.

(RAPID GRUNTING)

You surrender?

Never! (GAGS)

Good. 'Cause I'm just gettin' started.

(GRUNTS)

Then two can play at this game.

(GRUNTING)

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

(YELPS, GRUNTS)

(STRAINING) Oh! Oh!

(GROWLS)

(SCREAMING)

Looks like Cal went from playing dodgeball

to getting dodge-mauled.

(GIGGLING)

- Hold it right there. - Oh?

FSA. Forest Security Administration.

You have to go through the metal detector

before you go into the forest.

-(BUZZING) - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Bring it back.

All right, buddy, lose the skirt, shoes too.

Ugh. Fine.

-(BUZZING) - Whoa! No, no, no, no, no.

Let me hit you with a wand.

Arms up, now.

(SCANNER TRILLING)

-(BEEPING) - What is this?

My St. Zonicus medallion.

(HEAVENLY CHOIR SINGS)

I've never taken it off.

Lose the necklace, buddy. Come on. Keep it movin'.

We got a line formin' now.

(FLIES BUZZING)

Finally. Can I have my clothes back?

Sure. Catch.

(GRUNTS) Whoa!

(GRUNTS ANGRILY)

That is it. I challenge you to a sumo wrestling match.

You're on. Step right this way.

Ha! I will crush you. (CRACKS KNUCKLES)

Oh, no, no, no. You're not wrestling me.

You're wrestling Sue the Moo.

You're sumoo wrestling.

Then I will crush that cow.

I will crush that cow with my sumo strength.

Don't let the name fool ya.

(GRUNTING)

Sue's a bull.

He's a bull named Sue.

(HUFFING)

(GRUNTS) Ouch!

(GROANING)

- I have... Ooh! -(THUDDING)

Been... Ahhh! Defeated.

(SUE BELLOWING)

Looks like that bull has Cal by the horns.

-(CAL GROANS) - And look what I got.

(SING-SONG) My zone!

(STATIC WARBLES)

Hello, and welcome to

Tad Tucker's Wild Walkabout.

I'm your incredible host, Tad Tucker.

Mwah!

Jealous much?

Today, we're going to explore the ferocious predators of the jungle.

(GROWLS)

-(TAD WHIMPERING) -(GROWLING)

(LAUGHING EMBARRASSEDLY)

What makes me such a great host?

Other than my good looks and stunning personality,

it's that I'm so still stealth-like,

I'm able to show you these magnificent animals in their natural habitat.

Like that ordinary duck swimming in the pond.

We'll get up nice and close so he won't even notice.

♪ I'm gonna to lay down my heavy load

♪ Down by the riverside Whoo!

♪ Down by that riverside ♪

- Aye, knock it off. - What? I'm trying to be entertaining.

Gotta show the folks at home I got the goods.

- Please, folks, the phone lines are open. -(MUSIC PLAYING)

Call up now and vote for me, Daffy Duck.

Make sure I'm voted into the next round.

This isn't a talent contest.

It's a nature documentary.

I'm trying to film the ferocious creatures in the wild,

so I need all you animals to act natural.

(GRUNTS)

Boring!

Tell you what, why don't you let me help you

make this TV show something people would actually want to watch?

No! Tad Tucker doesn't need help

making anything more entertaining.

I'm spicy enough as it is.

Phew! Your breath's more smelly than spicy.

Get out of here, you crazy duck.

-(SCREAMING) -(THUD)

Hoy, sorry about that, folks,

everyone wants to be in showbiz.

Now, come with me and let me show you these creatures

up close and personal.

(FIREWORKS EXPLODE)

Here are the kings and queens of the jungle.

The fierce, savage lions.

These are true predators that will attack any creature

who dares even approach them.

♪ Bongo, bongo, bongo, bongo

♪ A-mah-boom, mah-boom, mah-boom! ♪

Hoy, get out of there, Duck.

Oh, come on, you can't expect people to watch a bunch of sleeping cats.

This is my documentary. Now, get lost!

(ROARING)

Oh. Good kitties, right-- (SCREAMS)

(THUDDING)

(GROANING) Hi, there.

Huh. Sorry about that. Cat got my tongue.

And everything else, for that matter.

Now, you're in for a real treat.

Not only do you get to look at me,

but you'll get to witness an animal grudge match.

You see that there?

That's a wild honey badger.

Now watch what happens when he meets his mortal enemy,

a cobra snake.

A cobra approaches the badger. (STRAINING)

Once these two lock in brutal battle,

the only way out is certain doom. Watch.

-(GROWLING) -(HISSING)

DAFFY: And we're back, with everyone's favorite daytime talk show,

Why So Mad?

Mortal enemies, can they learn to get along?

I'm your host, Daffy Duck.

Now let's find out, why so mad?

Mr. Honey Badger, Miss Cobra tells us you tried to eat her egg babies.

(AUDIENCE GASPS)

(SOBBING)

You know, Mr. Badger, it's never too late for second chances because...

You are the father.

(BOTH GASP)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Stop! You're ruining my show.

This isn't supposed to be all lovey-dovey.

It's supposed to be violent. (GRUNTS)

Now I demand that you two fight.

-(METAL MUSIC PLAYING) - Fight! Scratch! Scream!

Show no mercy!

-(GROWLING) -(HISSING)

Oh, no. (SCREAMS)

Don't be sad, Tad,

you'll be glad, 'cause we'll be right back with, Why So Mad?

TAD: Help!

Now this is something I wanted you all to see.

These gorillas are even more magnificent than I could imagine.

They are strong, powerful and handsome.

Just like yours truly.

We have to be very careful,

the last thing we want to do is startle them--

- Surprise! Happy birthday! -(TAD WHIMPERING)

(TAD GROANING)

So, who wants cake?

(GRUNTS, MOANS)

Save me a corner piece.

Now this is what I'm talking about.

We hit the jackpot.

This is the watering hole, where a bunch of jungle animals

- gather to drink and bathe. -(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

We're seeing these creatures in their natural habitat.

This is true, honest animal behavior.

Tad Tucker always delivers the...

- Hey! Stop it! -(MUSIC STOPS)

What do you think you're doing?

It's a flash mob. Pretty cool, huh, brah?

No! These animals shouldn't be dancing.

Animals need to act like animals.

This is what you should be doing.

(IMITATING GORILLA GRUNTING)

"I'm a gorilla, I'm smelly and scratchy."

"I'm a gazelle, so graceful."

"Look at me, my nose is a faucet."

"Oh, I'm a hippo, this is what you sound like."

(IMITATING HIPPO ROARING)

(IMITATING MONKEY CHATTERING)

And so concludes Tad Tucker's Wild Walkabout.

Honk, I am an animal!

- Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! -(TAD HOOTING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)