Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Although, I have to admit, he's way too polite.

Always smiling and giving compliments.

And that makes me angry.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

That must be Jack now.

I say, I say, hello there, I'm here today to procure your John Hancock

to build a gentler a park in the center of town.

I ain't signin' nothing, you big, ugly chicken.

Now, get off of my property!

(MUMBLES)

Hey, y'all, it's me, Yosemite Jack.

Goodbye, train, and thank you for getting me here safely.

(COUGHS)

Ooh, look, a pretty penny.

I better take it to the lost and found.

Excuse me, stranger, I found this penny and I...

Ow!

Yeesh, I just wanted to return that penny

and ask how to get to Yosemite Sam's house.

You're not Yosemite Sam?

Oh, no, sir, I'm his twin brother Jack.

Honest mistake, really.

Well, you're certainly more cordial than your brother.

Would you be so kind as to point me in the direction of his home?

Oh, it's that dilapidated old shack.

Thank you, old timer, I do love that mustache.

Ooh, wait, I should warn you that that... Oh, well.

(HUMMING)

(LAUGHS) Goodness gracious,

that was a close one, this tree almost fell on me.

Can you imagine?

Another one.

What are the odds?

(YELPS)

How dare you show your face around here?

You have a lot of nerves walking through my forest.

Sorry, I was simply passing through.

I asked you to watch my house while I was away

and what did you do?

You whittled down my cabin to this tiny little flute.

(FLUTE MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, that's a lovely song.

Lovely does not provide shelter.

Oh, I believe there's been a slight misunderstanding.

You see, I'm his brother...

(SCREAMS)

(YELPS)

(PANTING)

(GASPS) That was terrible. That silly lumberjack tried to squash me.

Look who it is, the fella who took my nut loaf.

- I think you think... - Let me finish.

We agreed to split a nut loaf at the local diner.

- Sir, you don't... - Let me finish.

We ordered one nut loaf and two plates.

-(MUFFLED) - Let me finish.

When the nut loaf came out, you grabbed it and ran out of the restaurant.

Please, stop talking, adorable turtle.

I didn't steal your dang nut loaf.

That was my... (YELPS) Brother!

There you are! You snapped me with a towel

when I was in a compromising position in the gym locker room.

Not me, sir, I've only been in this town for...

You think I was born yesterday?

You do have a strong physical resemblance to a baby, but...

I don't think... Ouch!

My backside.

Well, let's see how you like it. Dance, you scallywag!

-(YELPS) - Now sing!

♪ Do you know The muffin man

♪ The muffin man The muffin man

Louder!

♪ Do you know The muffin... ♪

I have never been treated so horribly.

Oh, no, you don't.

Don't you dare go near my establishment.

Are all the citizens in this town, little old men?

You locked me in my store last week.

No, I didn't, because I'm...

You don't remember forcing the keys out of my pocket? Huh?

No, I don't remember because...

Oh, you don't remember putting this key in the keyhole like this?

Remember?

No, I don't remember.

Do you remember hitting me with this broom several times

and then shoving me into the store like this?

Huh? (YELPS)

Remember? You slammed the door behind me and locked the door

and threw away the key?

Good sir, I...

Lock the door and throw away the key.

Get out of here, go!

With pleasure.

The nerve of that Yosemite Sam, pretending to forget that

he locked me in my own office... Help! Help!

Oof! Ooh!

I'm angry with you.

Let me guess, 'cause you think I stole your wallet?

Or pulled your goatee or I grabbed your horns

and pretended I was riding a jet ski?

(EXCLAIMING) Look at me! I'm a big fancy jet skier.

Well, newsflash, that wasn't me.

That was my twin brother, Yosemite Sam.

You are mad at him.

I'm mad at you because you just bumped into me.

(YELPS)

There's my brother, good to see you.

Well, it's not good to see you, I'll have you know that everyone

in this town that you ever messed with thought I was you!

And they did all kinds of mean things to me.

Wait, they thought you was me?

And they beat you up?

That's hilarious.

(YELPS)

Now let's see how you like it.

(YELPS)

(MUMBLES)

(YOSEMITE SAM YELPING)

Am I seeing double?

Whoa, take it easy, I said, take it easy there, Sam.

Stop beating yourself up.

I am not Sam, I'm his twin brother Jack.

This is payback for all the mean stuff people did to me

thinking it was him.

I thought I told you to get off my property, ya big, ugly chicken.

On second thought, I need to stay out of what is clearly

family business.

-(CHUCKLES) -(BOTH CLAMORING)

And here comes roller derby champion, Rhoda Roundhouse,

flying around the track.

-(GRUNTS) - The knee bone's connected to the hip bone.

But it won't be when I get through with you.

(GRUNTS)

(WHOOPS)

OMG, I am skating against the great Rhoda Roundhouse.

I'm a huge fan.

You better hop along, little bunny, before I knock you

on your keister.

Ooh, fingers crossed.

Can you sign all my Rhoda souvenirs first?

Get that box out of my face.

I get it, you're totes busy, just a quick selfie then.

Enough of this.

-(EXCLAIMS) Rhoda Roundhouse just threw an elbow at me! -(GRUNTS)

Best day ever!

You're not supposed to be enjoying this.

ANNOUNCER: Lola Bunny takes the lead by skating on the rail.

What? Rhoda's got rage!

Whoa!

Oops, my bad.

ANNOUNCER: Lola Bunny knocks out Rhoda and becomes

our new roller derby champion.

I can't believe I beat you, it must've been a fluke.

- If you want a rematch... - Of course I want a rematch!

Great, one more.

(AIR HORN BLOWING)

We get to skate against each other again,

this is what people who have their birthdays on Christmas must feel like.

Well, don't think you getting any presents,

unless you call me pouring motor oil on a track a present.

Whoa! (WHIMPERS)

Oh, Rhoda, this was so sweet of you.

With all this oil on the track, I can skate even faster.

Really? Wow, well, let me try.

(LAUGHS)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Um, eh, Rhoda, you got a little something right here

and here, and here, and here, and here.

Well, basically all over your face.

Speaking of faces, why don't you get out of mine?

Let's see how that bunny likes it, when we ramp things up.

ANNOUNCER: It looks like Rhoda's setting the course into extreme mode.

Extreme mode? What's that?

- Wow! -(CACKLES)

Bye-bye, Bunny.

Whoa, whoa, whoa...

Rhoda, Rhoda, did you see that?

I totally landed on my feet,

that was, you know, extreme, right?

Yeah, now I'm gonna extremely knock you on your butt.

(GRUNTS)

(YELPS) Hey, Rhoda, look!

(CHUCKLES) I always seem to be ahead of you.

Oh, yeah? Not for long.

Wow!

She certainly showed me.

(LAUGHS) I sure showed her...

(YELPS)

(SCREAMS)

-(GROWLS) -(GROANS)

She just thinks she's all that.

Well, let's just see how Ms. Thing does against my roller bots.

Forget the roller derby, let's roller dance.

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ There's a beat That I can hear

♪ I feel it in my soul

♪ Don't know where It came from

♪ But I can feel it go

♪ It whispers in my ear You gotta get out of this town

♪ Well, don't know Where I'm going

♪ But I got to skate around

♪ I'm a roller skatin' rabbit I hop, hop, hop

♪ I'm a roller skatin' rabbit Can't stop, stop, stop

♪ I hear the music play It wakes me in the night

♪ I gotta shake my booty Till the morning light

♪ I'm a roller skatin' rabbit I go, go, go

♪ I'm a roller skatin' rabbit Putting on a show ♪

Ah, man, I guess I got a little carried away.

Uh, here you go, just like new.

That's it, time for the spiral of doom!

ANNOUNCER: Uh-oh, it's the spiral of doom.

That was banned in seven countries,

including this one!

I'm gonna be skating on the most dangerous course in roller derby history

against Rhoda Roundhouse?

(EXCLAIMS) I must be dreaming.

This is not a dream, this is your worst nightmare.

Ugh, filthy.

Because I just got left in the dust by Rhoda Roundhouse,

I'm never washing these clothes again.

(LAUGHS) The championship is mine.

Huh?

Hey, Rhoda, I think we came up with a new sport,

it's called roller skiing.

Woo-hoo!

Try skiing while I drive reckless and out of control.

-(ENGINE REVS) -(LOLA WHOOPING)

(GROWLS) Time to hit the afterburners.

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS)

ANNOUNCER: Lola wins!

Rhoda, I owe this victory to you.

Without you as a role model, I never would've known what not to do.

- Oh, thank you, Rhoda. - Don't mention it.

One more selfie for the Rhoda?

- Sure... (GRUNTS) -(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

Hot dog!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)