Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

I've been noticing I've been getting prettier lately.

And I can't stand it!

There was a time when mirrors used to shatter when I looked into them.

Now, they only crack.

Time to make my special ugly potion,

and get back to my girlishly ugly looks.

All I need is an eye of newt,

the pressed jawbone of a spider,

and a pig snout.

Oh, drat. I'm out of pig snout.

Where am I gonna find a pig snout at this hour?

(DISTANT HUMMING)

And look at that!

Sometimes, even bad witches have good luck.

(CACKLING)

Wow. Who knew the houses of Salem in Massachusetts could be so amazing?

This is such a great vacation.

There is a beautiful tree, there's a beautiful bird.

And there's a... (STUTTERING)

Good day, Mr. Pig.

I noticed you were enjoying the sights of Salem.

I'm a long time resident.

Would you like to see inside of one of these beautiful, historic homes?

(GASPS, SQUEALS) Be still, my beating heart!

Oh, you're so cute.

I can just cut your nose off.

Come with me.

I'm getting so excited I'm getting the Massachu-sweats.

Here we are. My humble abode.

This belonged to my great-grandmother.

She was convicted in the original Salem witch trials.

She had a bad lawyer.

Have a seat.

Wow, I gotta get a picture!

High angle, low angle, extreme close-up.

I said sit down!

While I make you some tea.

A pinch of cinnamon, a speech from a political windbag,

and a handful of this old calculus homework...

And he'll be asleep in no time.

Here's your tea, darling.

(SIPS) Ouch! This is too hot to handle.

I better cool it off.

(BLOWING)

(YELPS)

Holy smokes! Is that a harpsichord?

My mother always used to play the harpsichord right before bed time.

♪ Sparkle sparkle little pig If I fall asleep and dance a jig

♪ Close your eyes and dream so deep

♪ Counting pigs instead of sheep

♪ Dream of floating pillow tops

♪ Rolling around in piles of slop

♪ Tomorrow morning all brand-new

♪ So much for a pig to do

♪ Sunshine Sunshine out of bed

♪ Rise and shine you sleepy head ♪

Holy smokes! An old-time wig shop.

I have to check that out!

(EXCLAIMS)

Wow, look at all these wigs!

Can it get any more exciting?

I can be anyone I want.

Let them eat cake.

I'll take two pieces.

These spiders will put a stop to that pig's follicle follies.

And then that snout will be mine.

(STUTTERING) Look at me, ma!

I'm the lead guitarist working out on a rock 'n roll band.

I'm a real head-banger.

Where did all these little spiders come from?

They look so hungry.

I better get them back outside so they can catch some flies.

(LAUGHING)

PORKY: There you go, baby spiders. Be free!

(SCREAMING)

How cool.

The gift shop had a Spells of the Salem Witches book.

Now I can cast magical spells like the real Salem witches.

Let's try a couple out.

Iccus Frogus!

What about... Thomas Fickus Ickus!

(DROOLING)

Ooh, what about this one?

Pantelium Helium! (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

That's a weird sounding one.

PORKY: Oh, here's another good one.

Rockus Blockus.

(SNARLING)

Ooh! (SNARLING)

Bearius Hairius!

Ooh! (EXCLAIMS)

Crossius Crossus!

(SCREAMING) A mouse!

(SCREAMS) A mouse!

That book doesn't work anyway.

Restorum Cantorum!

(WHISTLES)

Come on, broom!

Time to grab that pig's snout and be done with this.

(CACKLING)

An old colonial stable.

Come here, Mr. Horse. Let me put your shoe on for you.

(WHINNYING)

I have you now, my piggy.

(CACKLING)

And now, to nail in the shoe.

(NEIGHING LOUDLY)

(GROANING)

Say, you look like you got kicked in the head by a horse.

I do?

Oh, my! You're right!

In fact, I'm uglier than ever!

(CRACKING)

Oh, thank you, pig.

I won't be needing to cut off your snout.

What? You were gonna cut off my snout?

You are a terrible person.

Don't hate me because I'm ugly, dearie.

(LAUGHING)

Come, Marc Anthony.

Now, my vicious guard dog,

you will protect my home while I slumber until the night returns.

(BARKING)

Yes, yes. That's it.

Very frightening.

Watch out for vampire hunters,

grave robbers and garlic salesmen.

They're especially active around the dinner hour.

(SNARLING)

There, there. That's a good dog.

Remember. Nothing gets in this door.

And if it does, you know the consequences.

(SNARLING)

(WHIMPERS)

(COUNT BLOODCOUNT LAUGHING)

(MARCHING DRUMS PLAYING)

(BARKING)

(WHIMPERING)

(MEOWS)

(GASPS)

-(PURRING) -(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHUCKLES)

(PURRING)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(SNARLING)

(SIGHS)

(EXCLAIMS)

Phew!

(CAT MEOWS)

(HOWLS)

What is going on in here?

What's all this racket?

(EXCLAIMS)

Yes. Good guarding, Marc Anthony.

But do it more quietly. I'm trying to sleep.

And someone left the iron maiden open again.

It's dangerous.

(HOWLING SADLY)

(CRYING)

(MEOWS)

(EXCLAIMS)

(GRUNTING)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)

What is the meaning of this intrusion upon my slumber?

-(CAT MEOWS) - What was that?

Marc Anthony! What are you doing inside?

You can do your chores later.

Right now, you should be outside guarding the castle.

And if I have to get out of this coffin one more time today,

you'll be sorry.

(ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)

(CAT MEOWS)

(GASPS)

(CAT MEOWS)

(COUNT BLOODCOUNT GROWLING)

I warned you, Marc Anthony!

(SNARLING)

Wait. What have you got there?

Let me see it.

- Mmm-mmm, mmm-mmm. - I said...

Let me see it!

(WHIMPERING)

- A kitten? -(MEOWS)

In my house? It will ruin all of my furniture

with its tiny little claws!

I command you to destroy that vile creature this instant.

Mmm-mmm.

What? If you don't destroy it,

then I will!

(SNARLING)

(MEOWS)

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROWLING)

(GRUNTS)

(GROWLING)

COUNT BLOODCOUNT: Now, now. Be a good dog and listen to your master.

-(BARKING) -(COUNT BLOODCOUNT YELLING) Bad dog. No stop!

(SCREAMS)

(MEOWS)

(YELLING AND SHUDDERING)

Tiny little claws. Nice kitty.

-(MEOWS) -(COUNT BLOODCOUNT GROANS)

-(CHUCKLES) - COUNT: I'm not a toy!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)