Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Here you go, Monsieur Henri.

Ah. Your cheese is magnifique!

It puts my taste buds on a carousel.

(LAUGHING) Merci beaucoup!

Our French cheese shop is going gang busters.

Yeah, yeah.

If I knew we'd be making this much money,

I'd have come to Paris years ago.

BLACQUE: Hey, you mice!

Get away from my cheese shop!

Hey, we got a right to sell cheese here. Same as you do.

Not if you don't have any cheese to sell.

- Now, beat it! - Whoa!

-(THUMPS) -(GROANS)

Now, the only cheese that can be sold on this street

is by me,

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Blacque Jacque Shellacque.

That was too close for comfort.

- Yeah, yeah. Not a riot. - Oh, hey guys.

I would've been here sooner, but I forgot my keys.

So, I had to go back to my house but I couldn't get in my house 'cause

I didn't have my keys, so I just kind of wandered around the neighborhood

until I realized I had my keys in my pocket the whole time. Can I have some cheese?

We don't have any cheese, Sniffles.

The French guy fouled our fromage.

Time to call Darkbat.

Darkbat?

Uh, I gotta go.

But you just got here.

Yeah, I gotta do some Christmas shopping.

But it's mid-July.

So long.

Black Friday is pretty rough.

Yeah, yeah.

Time for the Darkbat signal.

(YELLING)

No need. I'm already here.

BOTH: Darkbat!

How did you know we were in trouble?

(SNIFFS) I can smell trouble from a mile away.

Especially when trouble smells like stinking cheese.

Darkbat, away!

(MOTOR WHIRRING)

Now that is a nice, sharp cheddar.

(GASPS)

Put down the cheese and back up slowly.

Are you...

What? No, no, no, no.

The name's Darkbat.

A completely original Lone Crusader

in search of justice.

You bullied my friends out of their cheese shop

and I'm going to cut your cheese.

Oh, no, you don't.

In my shop, I am the only one who cuts the cheese.

(LAUGHING)

Missed me.

Ha! Missed me again.

(GRUNTING)

I'll stay really still right on your nose

- so you can get me. -(GRUNTS)

Just kidding. I moved.

(GROANING)

(ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYING)

(EXCLAIMING IN AGONY)

Now that's what I call hip-hop dancing.

Oh, you are a nuisance, Darkbat.

No, I'm your worst nightmare.

I'm a rodent who touches all of your food.

Now I'm touching this cheese.

Stop touching that cheese!

♪ Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese ♪

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ Cheese cheese cheese cheese ♪

(YELLING)

♪ Cheese cheese cheese cheese ♪

(YELLING)

Stop touching my cheese.

Then how about I take it?

(THUMPS)

Despica-brie!

BLACQUE: Get out of my shop!

You know what goes with a cheese hat?

Cheese pants.

A cheese shirt.

(GROANING)

And a cheesy smile.

Get this cheese off of me!

Hmm, if you insist.

Now you're really Camem-baring it all.

(EMBARRASSED SHOUT)

Come back here, you...

I'm impressed by your dead-pan delivery.

(CRASHES)

You will pay for this. Since I don't have a rolling pin,

I will have to take what I can baguette.

Time for you to feel the pinch of my loaf.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

It ain't over until the fat ladle sings.

(GRUNTING)

All right.

That is a whisk I'm willing to take.

"Ha ha," some more.

You need to be a little more spoon-taneous.

(BOTH GRUNT)

Uh? Spoon?

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Hang on. Cheese-plate break.

(BOTH CHOMPING)

This is a real Havarti party.

I'm more of a mozzarella fella.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(BOTH LAUGHING HARD)

All right, break's over.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

You should have known better

than to pick a fight with me.

Do you feel the pressure now?

No. But you will.

-(MACHINE WHIRRING) - What?

-(GURGLING) -(GUSHING)

To brie or not to brie.

Ow!

Is that a question?

Looks like I turned the brie into debris.

Darkbat, you did it.

Bad guys never win.

Only Gouda guys.

Darkbat, away!

There he goes, off to save some other mouse's cheese.

- What a guy! - Yeah, yeah.

Hey, guys. I'm back for some cheese.

Sniffles, you missed it.

Darkbat saved the day.

Oh, yeah? What did he do?

Uh, It would take too long to explain.

Yeah, yeah. You had to be there.

Actually... (DARKBAT'S VOICE) I was.

Oh, boy, I love fairs!

I can't wait to ride the bumper cars

and eat all that funnel cake.

Actually, Horace, this isn't that kind of fair.

This is a renaissance fair,

where everyone dresses and acts like it's the medieval times.

You mean like castles and knights and princesses, and stuff?

That's lame.

We're not here to have fun.

We're here to solve the case.

You're right, Porky. We're here to bust some bad guys.

I believe the Captain said our informant will meet us right here.

He's got a tip on who's been stealing all the giant turkey legs.

Ooh, I love that we a got stool pigeon. (LAUGHS)

A squealer, a rat!

Over here, officers.

(LAUGHING) Hey, Porky, look.

Our rat is a rat.

(LAUGHING) That's hilarious!

I got it on good authority

that this guy, Littlechin,

is the one stealing the turkey legs.

Oh, you're so cute and tiny.

Thanks. Now, look.

If you're gonna catch this guy,

you two are gonna need these disguises.

Oh, man. I love my costume.

I feel so pretty.

I'm like a portrait in a museum, or something. Yeah?

I just wanna dance!

(SINGING)

Hey, look, it's, uh, Littlechin.

PORKY: That's the guy who's been stealing the turkey legs.

So, now we gotta get on his good side

and get him to trust us.

Ain't that right, Horace?

Uh, Horace?

Sorry, Porky, you're on your own.

I caught the music bug.

(THUMPS)

I say. Watch where you're going, knave.

Are you challenging Sir Littlechin?

(STUTTERING) No, sir. I'm sorry.

Well, what is it that you want?

Well, I was wondering if you wanted or needed...

Hey, there, Porky.

...a person you could trust.

Are you asking to be my squire?

As my squire, you will have to be by my side constantly.

Run errands, do chores, etc. etc.

Be by your side?

Yes. I'm your... (STUTTERING)

- I'm your squire. - Good.

Clean my saddle, squire.

(THUMPS)

LITTLECHIN: Then clean my shield and my golf clubs

and my antique sewing machine

and the rest of this stuff, too.

Here you are, Sir Littlechin.

Excellent.

Since you've proved yourself worthy-ish,

what say we try something a little dangerous?

Dangerous? As in criminal?

- I'm your man. - Good.

I want you to go over there, stand against that wall,

and keep an eye out.

- Hi, Porky. - Horace, there you are.

I love this place.

I made these scented candles, all right?

Here, take a sniff.

Oh, they smell like the ocean.

-(SQUEALS) - See you later, Porky.

Gather 'round, gather 'round,

as I, Sir Littlechin, put on a dazzling display

of death-defying ax throwing.

-(LITTLECHIN CHANTS) -(PORKY SQUEALS)

(CROWD CLAPPING)

Thank you, and please, some applause

for my little piggy squire.

LITTLECHIN: Squire, take a bow.

-(EXCLAIMS SHEEPISHLY) -(CROWD LAUGHING)

(PORKY SCREAMING)

Hey, can I kiss you-eth?

(IN FEMALE VOICE) Oh, gee, I think I'd like that.

(PORKY SCREAMING)

(THUMPS)

Hey, Porky, you ruined my puppet show.

Sorry, Horace.

I'm just trying to catch Sir Littlechin.

Well, what happened to getting on his good side?

You need his trust to make the bust.

LITTLECHIN: Who amongst you is brave enough

to take on Sir Littlechin in jousting?

You know what, Horace? I really don't need his trust.

I need to stand up to him.

Now, you're talking.

Time to fight fire with fire.

Fight like a barbecue? Oh, I'm in.

Hey, I got some year-old sausage that'll be perfect.

PORKY: I'm talking about bringing Littlechin to justice.

And I need your help.

You got it, dude.

Giddy-up!

Hey! (SCREAMING)

What do you think you're doing?

I was gonna ride you.

You were gonna ride me?

Look, he's riding a horse.

I thought I could ride a horse.

You thought wrong!

You don't ride your partner.

That's so disrespectful.

Yeah, but you just held pork sausage right in front of my face.

Totally different.

You wanna ride something? Go ride that motorcycle.

I'll joust you, Littlechin.

Aha, excellent.

I hope you're ready, Squire.

This squire is on fire.

Uh, not literally.

I mean, I'm gonna do good.

Charge!

(WHIRRING)

(THUDS)

RAT: Hey, somebody get this lug off of me.

Minnesota Rats.

What're you doing with those turkey legs?

You been stealing the turkey legs? Not Littlechin?

Yeah, you got me.

It was me the whole time.

How could you?

What did you expect? I'm a rat.

PORKY: Horace, take him away.

With pleasure.

Come here, you little criminal.

I know you're a bad guy,

but you're such a cute little bad guy.

I just wanna carry you around in my pocket.

Congratulations.

You've bested me.

You are no longer a squire.

You are a knight.

Well, now that you're a knight,

I guess we should show you what we do for fun around here.

(IN FEMALE VOICE) I love you, Mr. Rats.

Can I kiss you, and everything?

Uh, no! Please stop!

So disrespectful.

(LAUGHING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)