Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Microscope,

test tubes, and splitting atoms in two.

-(ELECTRICAL BUZZING) -(EXPLOSION)

It's Viktor, the Science Swede.

Because science is fun.

Hello, children.

I am Viktor,

and I know all things about the science.

I even have this

smarty guy bow tie to prove it.

Yellow stuff. Purple stuff.

- VIKTOR: Boom! -(EXPLOSION)

Science.

-(INTENSE MUSIC) - ALL: Oh, Viktor,

you're amazing.

Basking the glory. That is my science.

In the great outdoors.

BUGS: Excuse me, doc.

But your little science show is really loud.

You mind doing it somewhere else?

Oh, look children. A wooden creature.

He will be the perfect guinea pig

for my experiments.

Guinea pig? What?

Exactly! To demonstrate static electricity.

First, I shuffle my footsies.

Shu-ffle. Shu-ffle.

And then I give the bunny a little shock.

-(ELECTRICAL BUZZING) - BUGS: Ahhh. Hey!

- VIKTOR: Shu-ffle, Shu-ffle. -(BUGS SCREAMING)

Look here, you!

- Shu-ffle. Shu-ffle. -(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)

No more, "Shu-ffle. Shu-ffle."

Thank you.

(ELECTRIC BUZZING)

BUGS: Ahhh!

Oh, I'm gonna be his guinea pig, all right.

Except Viktor is the one who is gonna get tested.

-(ELECTRICAL BUZZING) -(BUG SCREAMS)

VIKTOR: I could talk your figure out.

Will be here, right back.

In my next experiment,

we will see if heavier objects

fall faster than lighter objects.

BUGS: You know, doc? I think I misjudged you.

- I'll be your guinea pig. - Oh, goody.

Now, we can have all the funzies.

Now, I will drop this bunny and this bowling ball.

And see which one hits the ground, first.

Hey, doc. Hang on.

I see something on the ground down there.

I think it's a $20 bill.

$20?

That'll buy a Bonzo Bunsen Burner.

Uh? Where's the money? I don't see it.

It's a little to your left.

-(BALL IN FREE FALL) - VIKTOR: Um?

I still don't see--

What other objects can we experiment with?

Let's see if this air conditioner

falls faster than this feather.

(VIKTOR GRUNTS)

BUGS: How about this fire place

trade to this blueberry.

Or this easy chair

-and this paper clip. -(VIKTOR STAMMERING)

Or this car and this boulder.

VIKTOR: Ahhh! BUGS: Or this bus and this satellite.

BUGS: Or this whale and this cargo ship.

(CRASH)

If you take away air resistance,

objects fall into the earth at the same speed.

You've cracked the cord

and my skull.

Ahhh!

VIKTOR: It's time for one of my periodic breaks.

Now, we're going to see,

how far away a magnet has to be to pull an object

into it's grasp.

In this case, the object is this rabbit.

Which I've chained in these irons.

And this button turns the magnet on,

- like so... - Just a sec, doc.

I got an itch on my nose.

Could you scratch it for me?

Ugh, fine.

- Is it here? - Just a little lower.

BUGS: Higher. VIKTOR: How about here?

BUGS: Just a little to the left. Ah.

There you go. Perfect.

Isaac Newton!

So, I just push this button, uh?

-(VIKTOR GRUNTS) - Wow.

Let's see if they can work from 10 feet.

-(THUD) -(VIKTOR GRUNTS)

BUGS: 20 feet.

50 feet.

(MACHINE WHIRLING)

You've got quite a magnetic personality.

(IN SWEDISH ACCENT) Don't let the bunny get you down, Viktor.

We are learning so much from you, Bugs.

VIKTOR: Stand by,

I'm just calculating my next move.

Now, we are going to explore, force versus mass.

Using this wind turbine

and this little bunny.

Behold, the magic of science!

VIKTOR: Uh? (GRUNTING)

Psst, I'm gripping the floor with my toes.

(GIGGLING)

I don't understand.

What is wrong with this machine?

Gee, doc, I don't know.

Maybe you should try it.

All right. I will.

Start it up when I say so.

Turn it on.

(SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY)

Turn it off, Rabbit.

Get me--

(GASPING, GRUNTING)

BUGS: Hang on, Viktor.

I'm gonna see how much stuff this wind turbine can support.

(SCREAMING)

Avogadro's number.

This experiment really worked.

Now, we're all floating.

ALL: Way to go, Bugs!

Ugh, I'm turning this experiment off.

Oh, I don't think that would be a good idea.

Holy strudel...

Out of my way, Bunny!

Ugh. Uh-huh!

Now, let's see how you like it, Bunny.

When the need force rule in reverse.

(TURBINE POWERING DOWN)

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

What the...?

(SHOUTING)

(CRASHING)

The experiment really blew me away.

(VIKTOR SCREAMING)

You're supposed to be the guinea pig.

Not me!

Shu-ffle, Shu-ffle, shoe full!

Okinawa! (SCREAMING)

That's the thing about science experiments,

the results can be shocking.

The science is fun.

-(ELECTRICAL BUZZING) -(VIKTOR GRUNTNG)

(SIGHS)

WATKINS: It was the middle of winter.

Dorlock Holmes and I, had just wrapped up a case

of international intrigue.

We were (STUTTERING) traveling on the

Great Disorient Express.

(STUTTERING) Dorlock, had been working non-stop.

He was exhausted and getting disagreeable.

-(SPLASHES) - DORLOCK: Watkins,

I can't believe you used all the bread

for your sandwich.

How can I finish my Dorlock double stacker,

if you hogged all the bread?

But I only used two slices.

Those two slices

are what makes it a double stacker.

You know what? It's close enough.

I better eat this before I start to get cranky.

Watkins, this is gonna get messy.

Turn off the lights.

DORLOCK: Nice work, Watkins.

WATKINS: We're in a tunnel. DORLOCK: Oh, really?

- DORLOCK: How long is it? -(TUNNEL PASSES)

(STAMMERING) About that long.

(GRANNY SCREAMING)

Dorlock, come quick!

There's been a crime

or something in the dining car, all right?

A crime, you say?

A sandwich can wait.

Come, Watkins.

And thus, Dorlock was on the case.

(SIGHS)

Okay, people.

I don't even know the crime, yet.

But everyone here a suspect.

So, what happened here?

- Was it murder? - No.

- Was it blackmail? - No.

Was it arson?

How would I know? I was with you.

Someone stole my salad.

You are telling me, you are screaming over a missing salad?

I was the one who screamed.

- That, was you? - Yes, I was frightened.

Wow. You scream like a grandma.

That's not how a grandma screams.

FOGHORN: My grandma screams like this,

- Ahhh! - Oh, yeah?

My granny screams like this, Ahhh!

No, no, grandma's scream like this,

(SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

- Enough! -(SCREAMING STOPS)

All right. First thing to do is seal off this room.

(SEALS BARKING)

There, the room is sealed.

No one gets in or out.

Uh, I have to go the bathroom.

-(SEAL GROANING) - I'll hold it.

Now, someone stole Granny's salad.

- And I think it was Granny. - What?

Oh, I know your type.

You thought if the first salad went missing,

they'd have to give you a second one, free.

In fact, I bet you're sitting on it.

- Right now! - ooh!

DORLOCK: Hmm. GRANNY: Oh?

It's gotta be in there, somewhere.

- GRANNY: Oh, my. -(COINS JINGLING)

-(GRANNY STRUGGLING) -(CATS MEOWING)

Oh, I guess, we can cross you off the list.

Here's your lotion.

I get scabby elbows, too.

Okay, if it wasn't the old lady,

then it was baldy.

Why would I take her salad

when I have my mozzarella sticks?

Maybe you can't stand to see someone eating healthy.

Now, where is it? Where is the salad?

Is it in your shirt?

Is it in your pants?

Is it in your...

It's not in your underwear, is it?

- No! - Whew.

Okay, I'll take your word for it.

Hmm. It wasn't blue hair and it wasn't no hair.

Then it must've been...

DORLOCK: That chicken!

I say, I say, I'm a rooster, son.

A rooster? You look more like a salad thief.

In fact,

I bet there is lettuce in your teeth, right now.

Corn, corn, corn.

There is nothing here by corn.

It's 'cause I'm eating corn chowder, here.

Hmm?

And no doubt underneath it is a salad!

Are you are say you, sir,

are embarrassing yourself.

(GASPING)

My chowder's gone!

The thief has struck again. No food it safe.

-(FOGHORN SCREAMS) - DORLOCK: And clearly,

the criminal is still among us.

What about you?

You have been awful quiet.

I think you might be the thief.

Me? How do we know it wasn't you?

You think it was me? That's ridiculous.

That's preposterous. I could never--

Or could I?

Yes, it's brilliant.

And it would have taken a genius of my caliber

to pull of a heist this complicated.

Where was I, when the salad vanished?

I was with Watkins, in the cabin.

It's true. You were with me, the whole time.

Even when the lights went out?

I guess you could have done it.

You guess? My alibi is looking shaky, Dorlock!

All right. I did it.

Flappy, Jojo, take him away.

Oh, no! If I'm going down,

I ain't going alone.

My mozzarella sticks.

-(BITES) -(SCREAMING)

They're gone! Who took them?

GOAT: I did!

I took all the plates.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

we have our thief.

But I gotta ask ya,

why did you do it?

I'm a busboy. It's my job.

So, it was an elaborate scheme.

You waited for the lights to go out.

Then lifted the plates from the tables.

- Yeah. - And there out

that you delivered them to the dishwasher.

- Uh-huh. - Where the plates are washed

and dried, so they can be used again.

Yeah, that's how a dining cart works.

So, I suppose you'd say you were

- just following orders? - Yes!

Well, I'm sorry to say, my dear boy,

but the darkest pages of history

are filled with people

who were just following orders.

Porter, throw him off the train.

Then you gotta have to clean your own dishes.

Let him stay.

The case of the absent appetizers has be solved.

This calls for a celebratory sandwich.

Someone stole my sandwich. Who was it?

It's no mystery. (GULPING)

(HIGH PITCH SCREAMING)

Now, that's how you scream like a grandma.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)