Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

ANNOUNCER: And the winner of the State Fair cook-off

with his barbeque carrot recipe, Bugs Bunny.

Wow, my first State Fair ribbon.

Not my favorite color. But blue is nice.

Not so fast, rabbit. This here is my State Fair.

And I'm the only one who wins blue ribbons around here.

Your State Fair? I don't see your name on it.

Well, did you see this here 50-foot statue of yours truly?

Oh, yeah, I see it. Very subtle.

I've been State Fair blue ribbon winner

for every event in the past 12 years.

(KISSES)

So I'll be keeping this ribbon and making it mine.

Take it. You need it more than I do.

What with all that scuttlebutt going on about you.

"Scuttlebutt"?

What do you mean?

Just that you're short, you're ugly.

How you ain't the State Fair king you used to be.

What do I do to get them to stop talking?

I don't know. Whoa!

Maybe compete in a series of State Fair contests with the winner declared

as the king of the State Fair? Just a thought.

That's it.

But where am I gonna find a chump foolish enough to challenge me?

Certainly not me. I wouldn't stand a chance against you.

You'll do.

Listen up, everybody. I'm gonna take on this here rabbit

in a bunch of State Fair events.

And whoever wins will be the king of this here State Fair.

ANNOUNCER: The next contest is butter sculpting.

Since Bugs won the cook-off, he's up one to nothing.

We can only use this plastic knife and string

to turn the block of butter into a beautiful sculpture.

I know the rules, you darn idiot.

(GRUNTING) Nuts to this!

I'm gonna have to cheat.

And kids, if you're gonna cheat,

make sure you give it one hundred percent.

(LAUGHING WICKEDLY)

Oops! (EXCLAIMS)

Now, I don't know.

Ooh! Look at that!

It's our former 19th President, Rutherford B. Hayes.

Mr. President.

ANNOUNCER: And Bugs wins the butter sculpting contest.

What!

ANNOUNCER: Next up, the pumpkin toss.

Stand back, rabbit. And watch a real pumpkin slinger in action.

Hurl, sling!

Ha! Let's see you beat that, rabbit.

Missed. Let me try again.

(GROANS REPEATEDLY)

That little cowboy keeps running into all my pumpkins.

(LAUGHS) Rabbit, you used up all your pumpkins.

Which means you ain't got no more ammo.

That's okay. I'll just use this State Fair garbage.

It's filled with moldy funnel cakes, beef-fried chicken feet,

and oodles of stinky, day-old cheese curds.

(FLIES BUZZING) I think I tasted a bit of that last one in my mouth.

ANNOUNCER: Well, since Sam is the only one who hit the target,

Sam wins!

ANNOUNCER: Up next, the Pig Calling contest.

I bet you don't even know how to call a pig.

Ah, sure I do. I do it all the time.

PORKY: Hello. Hiya, Porky. How's it going?

Oh, good. I'm glad you called actually.

I was hoping to get that $10 you owe me. So I can...

Well, good talk, Porky. See? Nothing to it.

One pig? That's all you got?

Step aside, rabbit.

And learn from a professional.

Here, piggy, piggy, piggies.

Sooey!

Sooey!

SAM: Ow! Ow! My biscuits.

ANNOUNCER: That was one impressive pack of pigs.

And with that Yosemite Sam has tied it up.

(GROANING) Atta boy, Sammy...

(CHAINSAW BUZZING)

(CHUCKLES) Talk about a close shave.

ANNOUNCER: It's time for our final event,

the champion pie eating contest.

Whoever eats the most pies is king of the State Fair.

Which is gonna be me.

ANNOUNCER: On your mark. Get set and eat.

Hey, Sam. Remember that time I blasted those stinky cheese curds in your mouth?

And what if you were riding on a roller coaster with a mouthful of those curds?

(GAGGING)

And all you had to wash it down was a cup of warm curds?

Curds.

(SAM GAGGING)

(RETCHING)

Guess the poor guy had to forfeit.

ANNOUNCER: And the winner is Bugs Bunny.

What in tarnation!

ANNOUNCER: Introducing the new State Fair king!

(CHEERING)

SAM: Boo. Boo. Boo.

(EXCLAIMS)

Uh-oh!

Easy, piggies, put me down.

(CHAINSAW BUZZING)

What did you think was gonna happen? Sam was gonna win?

(DOG GROWLING)

OFFICER: All right, Marc Anthony, attack that squirrel.

(GROWLING)

Eviscerate that rabbit!

Pulverize that skunk!

(EXCLAIMS) Now, that's a guard dog the Marine Corps can be proud of.

Now, it is up to you to make sure nothing,

and I mean nothing, breaches this sector.

Now fall out and report to your duties.

(MILITARY MARCH PLAYS)

(SOFT MEOWING)

(LULLABYE PLAYS)

(MEOWING)

(GROWLING AND BARKING)

(CHUCKLING)

(MEOWING)

OFFICER: Marc Anthony, report in for chow!

OFFICER: Marc Anthony, get in here!

OFFICER: Marc Anthony, fall in!

Marc Anthony, did you secure the perimeter?

Now, after you scarf this hunk of meat,

I want you to guard these barracks with your life.

I'm off to my sleeping quarters and am not, I repeat,

not to be disturbed.

I am taking a nap of national importance.

(MEOWS)

(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS)

(MEOWS)

(SNORING)

OFFICER: Is that you, sugar bear?

Oh. Cuddle time.

Gimme a kiss.

(SLURPING)

OFFICER: Marc Anthony!

(GASPS)

(GROANING)

Marc Anthony, what is your major malfunction, numb-crack?

What are you doing with my collection of plates,

commemorating the films of the great Bette Midler?

How did my bust of Rutherford B. Hayes get off the credenza?

What in the name of Lincoln's ghost is going on in the kitchen?

Who or what has infiltrated this sector?

(CRASH)

Is it just me,

or was I nearly waxed by a piece of air-borne crockery?

Now I know you couldn't have intended to...

You just broke Beaches and First Wives Club,

you worthless pile of mule meat!

That's it. Marc Anthony, you are going to pay for that!

Come here! Not Hocus Pocus.

(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)

Now you come back. Hey, hey, stop that, hey.

Now get outside and man your post.

At least you didn't get Down and Out in Beverly Hills.

Now what's going on in here?

Hmm. Something's clogging this puppy up.

Better run the clog protocol.

Garbage disposal, engage.

(WHIRRING)

Well, that's not clearing it.

(GRUNTING)

(JACKHAMMER DRILLING)

Finally, whatever was in that sink just got chopped up into itty bitty pieces.

(SOBBING)

(MEOWING)

(PURRING)

Marc Anthony, what do you have there?

Why are you holding that kitten?

Why are you not pulverizing that kitten until it is no longer a threat to this area?

I order you to place the kitten on the deck, at your feet.

Attack! Attack!

Either you attack that kitten right now, or I will.

(GROWLING)

Easy, boy, remember your training.

Stand down! Stand down! (SCREAMS)

OFFICER:

Hut, two, three, four.

Excuse me, sir. Can I get a break?

I've got to go to the little boys' room.

(GROWLING)

Okay. Okay. I'm marching. I'm marching.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)